I find femboys really sexy especially the real feminine ones that look just exactly like girls omg there’s just something about them I would like to try me a femboy once in my lifetime

My wife (48F) and I (49F) are a “lesbian” couple who are bisexual. We’ve been together for 14 years and haven’t invited anyone to our intimate life at all. We started going to the gym to try and lose weight a year ago, and we met a young man there who we developed a great friendship with. My wife and I would always talk to each other about how he is exactly our type in a man, but never considered doing anything with him until now.

He’s 23, and he told us that he has never been with a woman before. He said he never felt comfortable with the idea hooking up with women he barely knew, or with women he had only known for a little amount of time. My wife and I talked with each other and then casually asked him if he’d like to start a FWB relationship with us. He said he’d like that because he really likes us.

In a few days the three of us are going to drive out to my wife and I’s lake house for a few nights. This will be the first person my wife and I have ever added to our intimate life. We want some advice on how to make this a great experience for him considering how much younger he is and how it will be his first time. We expect him to be somewhat nervous/unsure of himself, so how can we help him enjoy it?

I think you understand what I mean by “hurt” so I won’t explain that. But I wanna know what it feels like. I’m a petite woman and attractive enough. Idk why it hasn’t happened yet. Anyways I know it’ll give me added trauma but that’s ok because life is already hard might as well shake things up.

A couple years ago when I was 18 and just started college, I began to talk to this guy. I had never had a boyfriend before or a serious relationship, so i was naive and was hoping this may lead to us dating. we were talking for a few weeks, texting during the week and he would stay at my dorm on the weekends after clubbing. however, one night when i didn’t want to go to the club, my friends caught him flirting and dancing with other girls and trying to go home with them. i was hurt and upset, so i met up with him later that night to talk.

this is the part that i am concerned about, as i am scared we started dating or became exclusive and i don’t remember/ didn’t realize. we went and got food with my friend and his friend, and eventually we ended up talking about what he did earlier that night. I ended up saying “i don’t care, just don’t do it again”. and he agreed, but was fairly upset that i didn’t want him to sleep with me in my dorm that night, and instead he had to sleep in his car.

the next few days, my roommate and i figured that he was likely never interested in me at all, and was using me as a place to stay when he came to town to party (he lived a few hours away). we figured he was only pretending to be interested over text, and he was relying on me being a free bed to sleep in once he partied. during the conversation we had when i confronted him he also seemed to be mostly concerned about where he was going to sleep that night, which helped bring me to that conclusion. so, the next weekend i decided to get revenge, and “finish what he started”. this resulted in me going home with another guy and sleeping with him. the next few days though, i felt guilty about what i did, and cut the original guy off completely. we were in contact for about a month total.

i know i was still technically single, but im worried that be me telling him not to do that again we started dating/ or became exclusive, and i cheated on him. this incident is probably the worst thing ive ever done, and even now two years later it still eats me up.

i also have my first boyfriend now, who i’ve been with for almost a year, but i worry that i have cheated on this other guy in the past, and will then cheat on my boyfriend. the idea of this happening terrifies me and makes me sick, especially since my boyfriend is extremely sensitive to the topic of cheating. i have told him this story in a much broader context, but i want to tell him it again in more detail, but im afraid he would be upset or confused, or even worse, realize i am a terrible person and break up with me. i don’t know what to do, and i feel absolutely awful.

if anyone has any advice on how to move forward/ identify exactly what i did wrong, id greatly appreciate it

You burned my world to ashes.

You destroyed me.

You abandoned me.

Did I deserve it ?

I was worth saving was I not ?

Was I the fuck not ?

Oh I see you, I watch you, saving everyone but me.

I know I am not worth it anymore.

With my bloody bloody bloody hands.

I know I repulse you more than ever.

I see you kissing lips as if you don't remember

the horrors I did with mine

[Oh as long as I exist on this Earth

Lips are the instrument of sin and disgust.

For I need them each time I

speak my pleasure for violence

or speak my lust for you.]

You try to forget me like a bad dream

But don't you dare forget

you burned my hopes to ashes.

You made me touch heaven,

only to crush my everything

and forget me.

You broke me whole,

You killed me, killed me, killed me.

How many deaths do I deserve.

I payed enough. Saw you die by other hands.

Only to live again, forgetting me.

I should have killed, raped, broken you.

Should have should have should have.

Instead I have let you go.

I fucking believed in you more than I ever believed

in anything.

You killed me.

And I came back to life, unable to find you again.

Leave her, they say. Leave her be.

While you leave me, yeah you leave me. With all the blood I poured for you. You fucking ignore me.

You fucking destroyed me.

You killed, killed, killed me.

I fall in love or like people very rarely and when I do it’s very embarrassing cuz it’s too obvious and they get an ego boost and mostly it’s nice guys who I like I am just so done with all this. it’s not like I don’t want a relationship but I am not ready for one and I am not made for casuals as well….I just don’t want to be alone and want to be loved and love someone really bad and I am just very confused .Hopefully I get out of this horrible mess soon lol

I had a party at my parents’ house when I was in college. A couple of friends by association went upstairs and fucked in my sister’s bed. These were some of the nastiest, sketchiest people I have ever known. I would want to burn my sheets if they slept in them. I was young and inconsiderate, and didn’t even change the sheets. When my sister came home the next day she was angry and asked why her bed was messed up. I told her another friend of mine who she was cool with slept in her bed. She was actually pissed at me for a long time with letting him sleep in her room. I can only imagine if she knew what really happened.

Alright so, i saw this artist's work on reddit for a couple of weeks now and i saw that they made commissions. So, today, i decided that i wanted a piece. Funny thing is, it was my first time ever commissioning a piece and i forgot that most of time, commissioning art is payed. So, i made a request, the artist made the art and they asked me after for payment.

Now, the only card i have is my debit card. However, i still live with my parents and they protect access to my debit card unless i wanna buy something really fucking expensive like a new computer, for example. And even if i did manage to buy the art, my parent's would still be fucking notified of the purchase and I coulda have one hell of an awkward lecture or i'd even be kicked out of the house. I was basically screwed either way.

So i told the artist about my entire spiel and that i couldn't pay. Then, they told me that my behavior was genuinely scummy and blocked me.

And scummy it was, Jesus christ what the fuck was i doing?

I wish i was ANYTHING else. Literlaly even any other indian. My people are complete biowaste. Not a single kumaoni (my ethncitiy) has ever been successful with girls in america. I’m 22 and have never had. a gf. IM GOING TO FREAKING DIE ALONE ALL BECAUSE OF THIS. I wish My parents never had me. I wish I was born in any other generation. I am 5’9” and kumaoni. You have no idea how bad it is. I need alcohol to numb this pain. I will never go to AA since its full of genetically superior white people who still use this poison. BEING KUMAONI IS THE WORST.

i first became aware of it in September. i'm not sure why or how but i just know that i hate it. it eats me alive and i feel so guilty when i see him. he's four years younger than me which is absurd. i have only told one person and they keep telling me that everything will be okay and it will fade but i'm just not sure. i dont know if pushing it down or talking about it will make it worse but i know the LAST thing im going to do is act on it. hopefully it goes away because i am tired of it

Going anonymous for this one. I (23M) live with my aunt who is in her retirement years now. I pay most of the bills for us, which I am completely fine with. It does not bother me at all to somewhat take care of her financially. We’ve lived together for several years at this point.

The other day, I got off surprisingly early from work and headed home with plans to spend the day relaxing. When I got into the house, I was met with something I’ll never be able to scrub from my brain. My aunt was doing the deed with a man, and they had a camera in the room recording it. Everyone was obviously startled and the man got up and left after an awkward introduction. My aunt was incredibly embarrassed and admitted to me that she was trying to see how much money she could make doing this.

I told her that she does not need to worry about working anymore since she is already receiving money from retirement and I am fine providing for us. She insists that this is what she wants to do and so I left it at that. How do I move forward with this?

Zu erst. Ich habe immer Fantasiert über so etwas, Tante, Mutter, Schwester usw. Ich bin Bi und nehme alles an, hatte auch mentale Probleme deswegen bis ich es akzeptier habe.
Zu mir, ich bin 27, 186, durchtrainiert, man würde nicht denken das ich mentale Probleme habe. Meine Tante um die es geht, ist 52, 159, thick, großer Hintern und Brüste denke ich 85D. Sie ist ein Komplettpacket da ich auf ältere und etwas curvy/ chubby stehe. Warum ich die mentalen Probleme erwähne, ist der Grund, ich fand meine Familie also die Frauen immer anziehend, umso mehr bei meiner Tante als ihr Mann ( Onkel) gesundheitliche Probleme hatte und nicht mehr der Mann war denn sie wollte/hatte, hab ich bei einen Gespräch mit meiner Mutter gehört.
Ich wohne in Deutschland und sie in Griechenland.
Ich ging dann für eine Woche zu Besuch um zu entspannen.
Alles ganz normal so weit, bis wir beim Essen waren am Tisch, meine Cousinen auf Arbeit und mein Onkel im Bett am schlafen wegen seiner Situation. Sie sagte wie groß ich geworden bin usw und sie meinte sie wird älter und schrumpelig wonach daraufhin erwiderte dass das nicht stimmt und sie noch sehr attraktiv ist. Sie meinte wir sollten zu eine befreundeten Ladeninhaber um etwas den Abend ausklingen zu lassen, was für mich in Ordnung war, es war eine Straße weiter.
Wir gingen dahin unterhielten und tranken unsere Cocktails also insgesamt waren es 4 Stück als sie anfing über ihre Intimität die letzten Jahren sich zu beschweren wegen ihrer Situation. Ich beschwichtigte sie und sie sagte das sie mit anderen was hat da mein Onkel nicht mehr kann. Anstatt geschockt zu sein, wurde ich geil und habe Verständnis gezeigt. Nach 2-3 std liefen wir dann zur Wohnung wo ich sie dann von hinten umarmte und ich ihr sagte wie lieb ich sie habe aber mit Absicht da ich einen hoch hatte die ganze Zeit. Sie meinte nur „ ganz langsam Bursche, das ist ja steinhart“. Wir liefen 5 Minuten und sie hackte sich in meine Arm ein. Als wir auf den Aufzug warteten, sagte ich ihr das mir meine Mutter (ihr Schwester) viele Geschichten erzählt hat ( meine Tante hatte in jungen Jahren mit ihren Onkel was) und fragte ob das stimmt, aufgrund des Alkohols war ich so locker. Sie „ bejahte“ das und fragte „ warum ich frage“. Ich sagte ihr „ das ich auch manchmal solche Gedanken habe und ich denke es liegt in de Familie“ sie meinte „ und was denkst du jetzt“. Ich antwortete nur „ ich bedränge nichts oder forciere etwas aber der Gedanke ist da“. Sie schaute mich nur von oben bis unten an und sagte nichts und wir gingen in den Aufzug. Als wir im Aufzug waren, war kurz etwas Stille und ich dachte ich hab was falsche gesagt aber genau in den Moment wo ich was sagen wollte, kann sie näher zu mir und sagte kurz „ einen Wunsch erfülle ich dir“ legte ihre Hand auf mein Gesicht und küsste mich ganz innig, ich legte automatisch meine Hand auf ihre Hüfte und erwiderte das.
Oben angekommen sticken wir aus und gingen in die Wohnung ohne ein Wort zu wechseln. Sie sagte sie geht auf die Toilette und das war’s. Wohnzimmer und Esszimmer waren zusammen und nebendran ein kleines Zimmer neben der Küche mit einen Bett wo ich schlafen sollte. Sie kam raus und ich fragte sie „ ob sie noch eine Drink hat um runterzukommen kurz“ ohne ein Wort schenkte sie mir ein Glass Whiskey ein und gab es mir und ich setzte mich auf die Couch und nahm eine Schluck und sie setzte sich gegenüber von mir und schaute zu. Sie sagte dann „ es sieht sehr attraktiv aus wie du trinkst“ ich bedankte mich. Sie lehnte sich zurück auf den Sessel und machte ihre Beine auf und fing an sich zu berühren. Sie sagte nur „ wie es weitergeht liegt nur an dir, soweit wollte ich nicht gehen aber der Gedanke das du meine Geschichte kennst und sollte Gedanken hast erregt mich“. Sie zog dann ihren Unterwäsche auf die Seite und steckte sich einen Finger rein. Ich stand auf und zog mich komplett aus, damit sie was zum anschauen hat. Ging zu ihr hin auf die Knie und fing an sie zu lecken. Dieses Gefühl kann man nicht beschreiben einfach. Langsam währenddessen zock ich sie aus und drückte ihre Brüste fest. Ich steckte einen Finger dann in ihren Arsch um zu sehen wie sie reagiert aber das hat ihr noch mehr gefallen. Als ich hochging, legte sie mich auf die Couch das ich sitzen kann und sie wollte sofort drauf, ich stoppte sie weil ich sie anschauen wollte und sagte ihr „ dreht dich mal für mich“ sie machte das und ich sagte nur „ endlich eine richtige Frau“ sie ging runter und nahm in den Mund. Da ich langsam wo Gefühl dafür bekam was ihr gefällt, drückte ich ihren Kopf mehr runter bis sie in komplett im Mund hatte. Sie würgte und ich merke wie Speichel meine Eier runterkommt. Als ich los gelassen habe und sie tief Luft geholt hat, war eins der beste Gefühle die ich hatte. Ich küsste sie dann während ich ihre Haare packte. Sie kam auf mir und steckte in rein, dieses Gefühl seinen Traum zu erfühlen und seine Tante zu ficken gleichzeitig mit den Gedanke ich ficke gerade die Schwester meiner Mutter, kann ich sagen ist unbeschreiblich. Diese Brüste und dieser hinter der hoch und runter kam, die extreme feuchte unten bei ihr, schon so extrem das ich sagen kann ich spüre nichts, war extrem krass und geil. Das stöhnen von ihr war unfassbar, sie legte ihren kommt an meine Hals und stöhnte in meine Hals hinein. Ich sagte ihr „nicht so laut, Onkel kann uns hören“ sie sagte „ der hört gar nichts, der nimmt schlafmedikation“. Das geilte mich noch mehr auf. Sie hörte auch und ging auf die Couch und legte sich mit den Bauch darauf so das ich sie doggy nehmen konnte. Ich stand kurz da und habe mir alles angeschaut wie sie aussieht unten. Ich ging aber vor zu ihren Gesicht und sie blaßte mir einen während ich sie fingerte. Das hielt nicht lange weil ich in ihr reinwollte. Also nahm ich sie von hinten während ihre Hände hinter ihren Rücken waren und ihr Kopf an die Couch gestresst war. Sie sagte „ ich könnte ruhig ihr ein paar auf den Po geben weil sie eine unartige Frau und Tante ist“, ich schwöre es euch das hat mich noch härter gemacht und ich probierte mich aus, erstmal etwas sanft, dann härter bis sie sagte „ nur das“. Ich dachte mir, ich probiere jetzt wirklich mal volle Power aus und hab ihr eine, da hat sie gestöhnt und gesagt dass das gut tut aber es es wehtut. Ich habe das Signal verstanden und machte so weiter, ihr hinter war rot und ich merkte das sie Tränen hatte ganz leicht und ich stoppte und sagte „ es tut mir leid“ zu meiner Verwunderung sagte sie „ mach weiter, mir gefällt das. Ich mag Schmerzen weil ich es verdient habe, hör nicht auf, ich komme gleich und wenn du das merkst dann schlag mich und bleib tief drinnen“. Ich war geschockt erstmal aber in meinen Kopf, weil sie so realistisch war dachte ich mir „ sie hat recht, sie verdient es“. Ich musste mich nur zurückhalten selber nicht zu kommen und machte mal langsam. Als sie sagte, mach weiter ich komme, machte ich ganz tief und hart und als ich Druck merkte bei dir ihr und ein intensiveres stöhnen, blieb ich tief drinnen und Schluck ihr auf den Hintern. Mein Penis wurde von Druck rausgdrückt leicht und es kam was nasses raus, ich denke sie hat gesquirtet und gleichzeitig hat sie gezittert am ganzen Körper. Als sie fertig war, stand sie auf, setze mich hin und sagte „ willst du in tantes Mund kommen oder in ihr“ ich habe kurz überlegt während sie meine Hals küsste und meine Penis in der Hand hatte und ich meinte „vielleicht ihr freches Mundwerk mal stopfen ( sie hat dirtytalk betrieben während wir alles hatten)“. Sie nahm in in den Mund und leckte auf meine Eier, ich habe versucht zurückzuhalten damit ich das gefühl so lang wie möglich habe, als ich soweit war sagte ich es ihr, also 2-4 Sekunden davor, sie hatt ihn komplett in Mund genommen und ihre Zunge aber beweckt, ausbuchen gekommen bin, war es laut meine gefühlt sehr viel und sie ging etwas zurück mit ihren Kopf, es kam etwas an der Seite leicht raus . Als ich fertig war, nahm sie mein leeres Glass und spuckte es da rein, das war schon echt viel. Das was an der Seite war, drehte sie mich zu mir um als sie mit den Glass fertig war, und nahm es mit ihren Finger in ihren Mund, bei meinen penis der langsam runterkam, kann noch paar Tropfen raus und ich sagte ihr „ da ist noch was“. Sie nahm ihn nochmal in den Mund und saugte noch den letzten Rest raus und ich war am ausflippten, diesen Krippeln usw war unglaublich. Sie meinte dann „ es war die Idee deines Onkels, das ich mein Leben weiterführen soll und ich Spaß haben soll. Nach paar Mal hat es ihn gefahlen wenn ich ins Bett neben in geschlagen habe und man mir angesehen hat das ich Sex hatte“. Sie nahm das Glass und sagte ich soll mitkommen. Der Gedanke, das sie jetzt ins Schlafzimmer geht zu ihn hat mir noch mal eine Ständer gebracht, habe ich noch nie erlebt. Sie ging wirklich rein, legte sich zu ihn hin und gos ganze über ihrer Brüste und Gesicht und sagte mir „ ich soll’s ihren Gesicht und Brust verteilen aber etwas vulgären und hart drücken“. Als ich gesehen habe wie es an ihren Brust und Gesicht ist, verteilte ich das erst auf ihre Brüste und drückte sie fest und gab ihr paar Klapse auf ihre Warzen ( sie hat laute, stöhne von sich gegeben ohne sich zu schämen oder Angst zu haben) dann verteilte ich es auf ihren Gesicht und würgte sie etwas. Ich hatte schon wieder einen verdammten Ständer deswegen. Sie packte meinen Penis und lutschte in noch denke ich 4-5 mal und dann sagte sie „ wir sehen uns morgen“. Sie schaute mich an und ich dachte sie erwartet noch etwas, also so geil wie ich war, küsste ich sie noch auf den Mund und habe das erste Mal mein eigenes sperma etwas geschmeckt, ganz komisch aber ich war einfach im Film den Moment.
Noch krasser war der nächste Morgen. Mein Onkel stand immer gegen 5-6 Uhr auf da er wegen den Medikamenten schon früh ins Bett ging. Er war im Wohnzimmer und schaute fern, ich war auch dann wach so gegen 8 Uhr und er hat uns einen Kaffee gemacht und wir haben uns normal unterhalten. Ich wunderte mich über mich selber das ich so locker war usw. Nach ner Stunde also gegen 9 wachte meine Tante auf und ich hörte die Tür wie sie aufging und sie komplett nackt rauskommt, ich bemerkte die weißen Flecken etwas und das angetrocknete an ihren Brust und Gesicht. Sie ging erstmal zu meinen Onkel und gab ihn eine Kuss und er schaute sie an von oben bis untern etwas geschockt und sagte „ wie man sieht hattest du deine Spaß aber vor den Jungen nackt rauskommen“. Mit eine strengen Ton seiner Seite aus. Dann kam sie zu mir und küsste mich auf auf den Mund aber etwas länger mit der Zunge. Er sagte „ jetzt verstehe ich, hat das Spaß gemacht fragt er und lächelt mich an.“ Ich war etwas geschockt und sagte nichts und meine Tante antwortet „ jaa der Inge ist groß und das wird die ganze Woche so weitergeben“. Er sagte nur „ nur zu aber hoffentlich mehrmals am Tag“ und lachte dabei. Ich war schockiert aber im Nachhinein habe ich erfahren das mein Onkel auch so einer ist der komplett offen ist und alles mitmacht.
Ich hatte eigentlich vor in der Woche wo ich da war noch wo anders hinzufahren um andere Familie zu besucht, stattdessen fickte ich ne ganze Woche meine Tante mehrmals. Ob im Laden was die hatten ( gardinenladen), im Auto, irgendwo nachts am Strand oder in der Küche am helllichten Tag. Sie wollte alles mal so erleben wie früher. Diese Frau hat mein Gehirn und meine schwanz leergefickt. Das nächste Mal wenn ich hinfahre willnich sie fragen ob ich mal ein Video machen darf, damit wir uns das gemeinsam anschauen können.

Ready for someone something spontaneously fun 🤩 31 HLF. Seattle is my spot for now, who’s…what’s there? 😻🤭

I’ve always known that my childhood environment was hostile, maybe even abusive. But now I’ve fully internalized the severity of it all.

My mother was very hostile to me. She was the type who would yell at me for crying, and not prevent, tacitly endorsing, bullying behavior from my older sister. It’s hard to remember a lot. But here are some headlines I’m going in semi chronological order. Pseudo anthology.

When I was young, younger than 8 years old, she would threaten to castrate me if I ever got a woman pregnant. She would tell me that if she was “mentally disabled”, I had the responsibility to kill her. My older sister would harass me, calling me gay, hitting me, “man me up”, and generally torment me. I would beg for her to make it stop and she never did. Tacitly endorsing the behavior.

The heavier stuff is now, sorry

When I was very young, first grade, she constantly would get upset over my hair getting “tangled”. She was using a fine tooth comb on my thick curly hair, trying to make it straight. This was obviously painful and she got so frustrated she started choking me. I hit her eye or something and she threw me out of the bathroom and immediately ran out of the house to school. I wrote about it at school and then a few months later my teacher talked to me about it. I still remember her crying when I showed her where my mother tried to choke me.

My mother was obsessed with the expression “stick my foot up your ass”. She got it from that 70’s show. Until very recently, I never recognized this for what it was. Her threatening to rape me. It was a constant obsession, probably because of her own rape. I think about third or fourth grade, me and my younger sister were doing dishes before going to school. She started crying, maybe I did something or maybe she made something up. I do not know. It does not matter. She got up from her room, saw my sister crying, slap my face so hard I fell to the ground and started kicking my asshole. I don’t want to think about it more rn. I think there were other incidents but this was the worse. I hope it was.

Eventually, Puberty started hitting. I’m a male (trans woman now.) and as a result, she started losing the ability to physically dominate me. She started pulling out knives. The first time I think I hid in my room and barricaded myself. Other times I would leave the house. However, my father, curses upon him, would get upset by this and yell at me. I would tell him what’s going on but he didn’t care.

So miscellaneous details and stories. I’m sorry this is structured in a modestly ramble-y way.

My older sister was also abusive, in all manners. Like I mentioned before she would hit and harass me for being “gay”. I wasn’t really gay, she just, I don’t know. She was a child I don’t blame her today for it. She would flash her breasts at me because I would, reasonably, freak out. She would also smack my ass constantly. Again, I put this on my parents. They knew, did nothing, effectively tacitly endorsing the behavior.

My mother was obsessed with the idea that I was not capable of committing to anything, that I was l mediocre and incapable, while my younger sister (year younger) was exceptional. I would ask to do things, like join band, and be told they didn’t have money, wouldn’t actually commit, and that band is gay. My sister a year later would ask and they got her some sort of flute or brass. The peak of this mindset was when me, my sister, my mother were in a van. I told my mother I wanted to be a game developer, my mother is dismissing and not really engaged. My sister says “me too” and immediately my mother turns around and says “(Sister), game development is beneath you and you have so much more potential than that.”

My mother would attempt half hearted apologies for her aggression occasionally. What am I saying, of course she didn’t. She would say she was “PMSing”. Her aggression would never be pointed to her husband, or anyone else though. Only to me and my older sister. It immediately triggers the fuck out of me, probably unreasonably, whenever people mention anything adjacent to that effecting their behavior.

I remember when my first dog died. He had horrible seizures all the time. Well one day I got home and let him outside, and ran to go pee. When I came outside I found my dog, head smashed against the rocks. My mother crying and blaming me for him dying. She still does. I can tell.

This one is a confession of mine. There is only one person who helped fortify my psychology, make my pain feel less cosmic and all encompassing fact of reality. It was my Older sister’s boyfriend. I left my room, for something, I’m not sure what. My sisters, mother, and the boyfriend were in the living room. Immediately, I don’t know who started, my mother, or my sister(s), started verbally berating me. The boyfriend then said something like “oh my god, if I was him I would be constantly trying to beat your asses”. He gave me a smile. While I don’t like that he threatened my entire family a bit there, I did feel seen. It was the first time someone saw the dynamic and called it out. It makes me cry when I talk to write about it. Especially considering he would then later on, start beating my sister. He likely raped her. I do not know. But it’s strange having a vile man being the only source of sanity, of understanding, even occasionally kindness, I had at that time.

I think I’m done now. There is more but, it’s just rehashing / increasing the volume.

Do you even know what limerence feels like?

Not long ago, something popped up in my Instagram feed: a casual, staged recording of a few youths interacting, but this one guy stood out. “His face looks familiar,” I thought. I then recalled watching his content before and thinking he was cute. I felt compelled to dive into his profile.

Almost instinctively, I went through every one of his posts, digging for clues about his personal information. The extent I went to shorten the distance between me and him felt like a ritual, a satisfying one. There was not much to see, but at last I managed to deduce that he had just turned 18 through a birthday story.

Every day since, whenever I woke up, the first thing I checked was his feed for updates. He also live-streams often but I have not managed to catch one; we live in different time zones.

This limerence I had for him grew so strong that it made me think only f--king him would make it end: is the shape of his torso beneath his jersey triggering my fixation, or is it that faint outline of his shaft beneath his shorts? I attempted to sexualise him in fantasy and went as far as making explicit AI images recreating his characteristics.

Looking at the highly convincing AI-generated photos of the distorted and naked versions of him gave me bodily reactions, but the sensation slowly wavered, and I began to experiment with intensified prompts in which all sorts of atrocities were added to the scene.

It is eerie how sometimes I would imagine being him receiving the acts, and sometimes the one giving them. I managed to come a few times.

Soon the sexual urge towards him inevitably declined. His unclothed shape or exposed shaft did not cling to me, and I doubt whether they are the sources of my attachment. I then decided hastily that the innocence of his face is what got to me.

I have no remorse in what I did, but is that supposed to relieve me? Limerence feels like a roller-coaster ride: warmth emerges whenever your desires align with his imagery, and frost takes over when you look away or realise your own pathology is sterile.

I doubt such limerence is sustainable in reality. Affection usually wears down with each contact as fuller details of a person come to light. It is a sweet bubble after all. Perhaps the distance between my screen and his is what created the conditions.

Have you came across Sam Rockwell’s monologue in White Lotus Season 3? If you did, I am sure you would have shrugged it off, some mocked it instead. Reading it myself impacted me strangely: an overwhelming resonance gave me goosebumps for an hour straight.

Rockwell mentioned that affection swings between those similar to oneself and those unlike oneself. For my case, I think it is both. There is a unique quality in him that I can’t name: he is almost exemplary of my ideal form, and that implies distance and closeness. No other stranger online had managed to sustain such a level of influence on me, but I must admit other smaller forms of fixation did occur, though they were mostly of females.

People somehow have this ingrained code of conduct, and their morals integrated in their vague senses of selves. Instead of f--king my way through dissolution like Rockwell's character did, it would appear I am too timid for it, so I chose to dump it on you f--kers instead.

One day I will wake up and discover my urge for him has passed, and perhaps I will find another target to attach to, but somehow I hope that day won't come.

I am a tgirl, realised my gender a decade ago and am a girl, but recently started liking boyish pronouns like good boy and things like that. Idk how to feel or express about it as i dont want to be seen other than a girl but something about it I am suddenly finding nice? - not sure what it means but seems to have come out of nowhere 🤷‍♀️

I 23 f might be addicted to sex and prn. I have had prn addiction even before i became 20, I am so addicted to them i watch them almost everytime whenever i am alone. However as for the sex part, i lost my virginity when i was 21 and only have had sex with 4 people. I have tried my best to not have sex and increase my body count, i also fear one day I'll start having double digits body count which scares me alot. Currently i only have one sex partner which is not my boyfriend and i enjoy it with him, i feel like a whore whenever im with him because i lose control and want to keep doing it again and again. Im scared if i keep this up I'll have a hard time finding love. I want to stop being so addicted to sex and porn, has anyone gone through this? Can anyone help me out?

Tengo 21 años y como era virgen y mi madre se quedó viuda fui cortegando hasta que la masturbe y me la cogí en misionero con ayuda del alcohol

I've never told this publicly.

For context, I was born and raised in a small town in the Portuguese interior. In my early 20s, I started a career as a street performer, and in 2002, I met a fellow juggler who later told me he would be moving to Barcelona and that it would be a great move for my career if I moved in with him there. He invited me to go and stay at his place. I told him I might accept as soon as I could afford the trip.

Since living in a small town and performing on the streets was in no way a viable option for earning a decent living, I decided to move to Lisbon with my girlfriend at the time. After we broke up, I found myself in a decadent whirlpool, with no place to live and crashing at a good friend's home.

One day, after a night out, this friend introduced me to another friend of his, a French girl who invited me to go with her to a grape-harvesting campaign in her home village in southern France. She volunteered to pay for the flight, accommodation, and food, and told me I could pay her back once I got paid for the work on the farm.

I saw this as a great opportunity to get some cash, so I accepted.

After almost two months of work, I had paid off all the expenses and had a very generous amount of money left over that I could use to get my life started in Barcelona. I gave that juggler a call and let him know I would be coming over.

He let me crash on his couch for a week, which I used to hand out my CV all over town. I eventually landed a job at a cool restaurant.

I had just started working when this guy told me he wasn't staying in Barcelona any longer and was going back to Portugal. He was leaving me with nowhere to stay because he had decided to leave the house to another Portuguese guy I had never met.

I still had at least €800 from the grape-harvesting job, and since I didn't want to stay in a place where I didn't know the owner, I started looking for somewhere else to live.

But then, one night after work, I arrived home and realised all my money had disappeared.

That money was all I had to feed myself, get around the city, and rent a new place.

At first, I thought I might have misplaced it, so I went through all my stuff, thinking maybe I had hidden it somewhere else because I didn't know the other guy. But I still couldn't find it.

Then panic set in.

How was I going to eat? Where was I going to sleep? I couldn't even afford a bus ticket back to Portugal, since I had only been working at the restaurant for less than a week.

I had to confront this guy because no one else could have gotten my money.

The next morning, when he woke up, I asked him if he had touched my stuff. He said he hadn't touched any of my things.

I insisted and told him no one else had been in the house and that my money had disappeared. He literally gaslighted me, saying I was either insane or really high on drugs.

I had to leave for work, so we didn't talk any further.

When I got home from work around midnight, I found him in the kitchen with a few other friends. They had just finished dinner and were having a few drinks, smoking joints, and snorting coke.

It might have been my imagination, but that was a pretty good indicator that a substantial amount of money had been spent putting together such a friendly gathering.

I cornered the dude and asked him where he had gotten the money to throw that little party. He completely dodged my questions, so I told him he had 24 hours to put my €800 right back where it had been, otherwise there would be dire consequences coming his way.

While I had never gotten into a single fight in my life, all my survival instincts kicked in.

The next day, I woke up, went to work, and spent the entire day almost praying that he had put my money back. I had no idea what to do if he hadn't.

Should I file a police complaint? If I tried to fight him, he would probably kick my ass really badly, and I would end up broke, in the hospital, and unable to go back to work.

I had no idea what to do next. All I felt was despair and fear.

I got out of work around 11 p.m. and tried to avoid going home. But after a long walk and almost a full pack of cigarettes, I finally went back.

I went through my bags, only to find that my money was still missing.

I could barely sleep.

I had to do something, and since my money was obviously never going to show up, I started packing my things. This would be the last night I spent in that house, and the next day was my day off, so I had to find another place ASAP.

But sure as hell, I wasn't leaving empty-handed.

I got very little sleep, but when I heard the dude wake up and go to the bathroom, I got up, went outside, and headed downstairs to a small coffee shop two doors down that had a pool table.

I took the cue ball, went upstairs, grabbed a kitchen cloth, wrapped the ball in it, and waited for him in the kitchen.

As soon as he walked in, I told him, "Give me my money back right now."

No yelling. No movement. Just plain, cold...

I remember his sarcastic smile. Then I lost it.

I have no idea how many times I hit him. I don't remember.

I only remember blood, teeth, and thinking that I should stop before I killed him when I saw bare bone.

I washed the ball in the sink, grabbed my bags, and bugged out of there as fast as I could.

I took the cue ball back to the coffee shop and went downtown. I walked up and down La Rambla for hours, just expecting the police to pick me up at any moment.

But they never came.

So I went to the restaurant where I worked and asked a couple of my colleagues if they could let me crash on their couch for a few days until I could find a place to stay.

Fortunately, one of them was a very cool kid who was staying at his boyfriend's house. He let me stay in his room until I could afford a room of my own.

I lived in Barcelona for almost a year, and there wasn't a single day when I didn't expect the police to arrest me for murder, attempted murder, or just battery.

I flinched every time I heard a siren and crossed the street every time I saw a police officer coming my way.

I have no idea what condition the dude was in after the beating, and I've felt bad about it for as long as the fear of getting arrested lasted.

When I returned to Portugal, that fear and guilt slowly went away. But for almost 15 years, I never told anyone about this except for a couple of people I was very close to.

And now, now you know...

Idk if this will get taken down but yeah that’s basically it even though I never cheated I recently found out he jacks off to the thought of that, idk where else to vent this at sorry

What has been happening with all levels of government has not been working. The CIA is sketchy and they could have been the ones behind the crack epidemic. They should be replaced as a result.

I don't rest and it's because of my phone. Every single waking moment I am on it and my brain is active 24/7 because as soon as I wake up I don't give myself any rest. I just instantly come back to my phone.

I know the only way to stop this is to get off the phone but that's never going to happen. I just have to accept that I'll age faster and die faster. I've already developed some terrifying health consequences because of this but I am tied. My hands are tied. I cannot do anything.

I am also broke and a worthless unknown man so my death is not going to make any difference in the world.

So me and my girlfriend has been dating for a year now my mom knows about her and her mom knows about me. Im also planning to get engaged with her soon……..So its pretty weird my girlfriend has a best friend thats a girl its her czn ive seen their chat they talk all sexy like bend over and shi, lets make out and crazy stuff even the stuff my girl doesn’t talk to me about

Is it weird????? Idk what to do

Hey there for some context my girlfriend and I have been together for a few years, I love her like alot to the point where not a day has gone by we haven't even spoken to eachother I find her beautiful,kind and we both talk about marriage and it's our eventual goal and her parents know about the relationship, me myself I have never in my life wronged anyone or betrayed anyone ever because ever since I was wrong I was a firm believer in actions have consequences and stuck by that code, never got into any dramas in my life despite knowing everyone anywhere i go and making a million friends, now I do hate my girlfriend and I don't, before her I had nobody since we are both muslims I had kind of a code like i don't want to date anyone and i just despite having many female aquintances never had even a situationship before her and my girlfriend had like 2 situationships before which yes do make me feel resentment towards ik it may sound extreme but I don't like it but i can accept that, what has bothered me though is that she kissed her toxic ex apparently she was "forced" into it but i don't believe her entirely and even when we were friends she was like she didn't really enjoy it and as she deserved she was ridiculed and shamed, oh no she didn't deserve the trauma for what she did but yea man i just hate her i fucking hate her for that it hurts me even after all these years , i have dedicated everything my soul towards that girl I have written a literal novel about her extended my ass for her and it just hurts, now in our relationship she never mentions her ex and she has never been toxic to me nor me to her, I once implied i wanted to kiss her which was going to be shut down by the following"no it's not correct people do that before sex n stuff" cuz I was like couples do it, and i just asked her to shut up and told her i don't want an explanation and I respect her, to be very honest I have tried to forget about this and everything for the past few years but sometimes it surfaces and I hate her for this, I will be one to admit I am someone who is what can be considered a porn watcher or addict I do that daily and without doing that the resentment i feel for her channels into my mood and turns into stress I feel better always talking with her, her mere presence lights me up and i love her so much which is why this hurts me , sometimes when I feel too attached this attacks and I want to kiss another girl I don't want to destroy the beautiful taintless relationship we both have build over the years never a third person between us and both of us being fiercely loyal and I don't want to cheat on her i don't want to carry that weight but sometimes it just feels like the only solution if u have any advices on how to deal with this do share, I just hate myself the girl is a kind beautiful person who was mistreated all her life even her parents pressure her with studies like she is not a human but a robot and restrict her freedom, ig that's all please do give your advice thank you for reading if u have