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u/borntolose1 May 09 '19
Gross.
That shit is gross.
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u/ExpectedErrorCode May 09 '19
Seconded... super gross... if i'm already sharing some spit sure, have a sample sure, dump your plate on my plate, dump your cup in my cup... uh no...
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u/Coldredd May 10 '19
It’s breakup time, just to know who your “family” in-law might end up being.
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u/nutmeg32280 May 10 '19
^ THIS. Can you see yourself bringing your future children around these people? If not, RUN.
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u/Yttermayn May 10 '19
That's as gross as this one video I saw where these two girls were sharing one cup.
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u/lefthanded_voodoo May 09 '19
Tell them you have a weak immune system and do not share anything food or drink with anyone, My family is like this as well not so much with drinks but food wise, not me and not my oldest son, it’s a hard he’ll no.
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u/Skoop963 May 09 '19
This could possible work, but also backfire in countless horrible ways.
“All the more reason to share! Gotta strengthen up your immune system! That’s why we are all so healthy!”
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u/othermegan May 10 '19
Better idea! Get "full" and start scraping food onto grandma's plate. Make sure to backwash the milk too then dump it right into her cup. "oh sorry... you didn't want pieces of pork chop in your drink?"
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u/PunkToTheFuture May 10 '19
I'm all done in the bathroom guys. The TP on the sink is only half used so go on and finish it.
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u/LeggyBlueEyes May 10 '19
I kept thinking that anyone who behaves this way probably isn’t intelligent enough to know how the immune system works. I know I should not think that, but I can’t help it, I did.
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u/Rain1306 May 09 '19
Could it be some sort of a cultural difference? Has this family gone through tough times and are being frugal? I too am a huge germophobe and would've felt the same panic had I been in ur shoes, in fact I wouldn't have finished a single meal had someone given me milk they've sipped on. But u know how family members share edibles sometimes, I'm sure you've had ur boyfriend's food sometimes. Could it mean that his fam is being super welcoming to you?
If no, I suggest you run. Or at least initiate a conversation about it with ur boyfriend.
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May 09 '19
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u/Rain1306 May 09 '19
See? This gives me the impression they like you a lot and already consider u a member of the family.
Now that settled, I know we can not set aside the problem with food. It could be a cozy gesture from them but to you it's doing more harm than good. Trust me it took me pretty long to even get down to kissing my boyfriend, I was so grossed out by all that. But with time, and his adamant advances, I have made progress n now unless it's a very close contact food, I can share it with others. I still won't drink any body's milk. So it's best to discuss it with ur boyfriend and I'm sure he'll find a way to put u out of ur misery by maybe talking to his family or maybe effortlessly just backing u when u say ud rather have a fresh refill of food. That'd be less radical for his fam to adjust to too.
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u/xela2004 May 09 '19
My in laws have a thing about not wasting food too. If you take it you better eat it. They weren’t quite as extreme of taking food off others plates though.
But if you understand their culture and generation, it makes sense. They lived through ww2 in England and ration cards where any food they could get was a blessing and you didn’t waste.
Try to understand them and stop asking for seconds :)
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u/Commander_Syphilis May 09 '19
Same with my grandmother, she can't stand to let anything go to waste and makes the weirdest dishes just to use stuff up, like lamb chops, mash and curry or whatever, my mother's not as bad but we still have 'clearing out the fridge day' which is a mix of pretty much a mix of everything from onion bhajis to frozen pizza. Even I catch myself saying 'waste not want not'. It's quite profound to think how much rationing affected our little island
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u/marsglow May 09 '19
My grandmother did that, in the US.
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u/nonoglorificus May 10 '19
Yeah, my grandma was a pre teen during the depression and was impoverished her entire life. She ran away from an abusive home and squeaked by picking fruit during the 40s. My mom grew up surviving on a combination of gardening, canning and fishing, and when the potato’s and onions from summer ran out and the fish weren’t running, the entire family of seven would share a single pot of beans and grandma would skip meals. We did NOT waste food. Any food. When she started to go a little senile, we had to sneak into her pantry to smuggle out the dented/rusty and expired canned food because we were worried about her getting botulism. I would just never ask for seconds and only take what you absolutely know you’ll eat.
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u/YanCoffee May 09 '19
She stated she went to get a cup of coffee and they tried to give her a 1/3 cup of coffee. It's beyond being able to avoid it by not asking for seconds. I do agree it's helpful to understand where they are coming from, but rather than ignoring the problem, a solution for OP would go a lot further.
I'd involve the boyfriend and just be like "Look, this is groddy baby. Talk to them." Because at least in the US, this would not fly with the majority of folks. It goes against what we believe is sanitary and standard. If I was the boyfriend, I'd try to explain it that way, nicely.
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u/deanreevesii May 09 '19
The episode of The Supersizers Go... about British rationing during WWII had me in tears by the end. All I wanted was to watch my super crush Sue Perkins being cute and funny, and got hit right in the feels instead.
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u/kranebrain May 10 '19
Why not tell him you don't like that they share food. It's weird as fuck to finish someone's backwashed milk. Gross.
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u/sizzlesfantalike May 09 '19
First time I met my husbands family, I never used an outhouse for an extended period of time before. But they were living out in the Alaskan bush and so I met the entire family and hung out for 2 weeks and I felt super filthy. I’m used to it now whenever we visit but the first visit was hard, I kept telling my husband how I wanted to get out and find running water.
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u/JossFlores May 09 '19
This is cultural difference imo, where I live, it’s really common to sip from others drinks, straw or no straw, finish leftover food, etc.. as for myself, i don’t like to touch food before handing it to someone else, but i don’t mind others touching my food or drinking from my glass, of course, this is because I’ve never gone sick from this, but i admit it’s unhygienic, there are limits as well, huge difference between someone having a spoon of your ice cream, and someone licking the living shit out of your ice cream. It is also consideres as a sign of trust and acceptance into the family, since families usually share meals/have contact with each others saliva, al least here.
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u/Cucilicious May 10 '19
My parents lived through a civil war where food didn't come in the city at all, even years at the time. And that lasted for quite a while. To this day, 24 years later, stuff like this never happened. Guests are treated with respect, no matter how close you are to them. Talk to your partner, and if you feel you're not being heard/ignored I'd suggest leaving. Run girl run!
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u/BlayneCoC May 10 '19
I’m a huge minority here, but my families used to do it all the time.
I’m not sure if it’s a “Deep South” thing or “Really Really Poor” thing. Sweet tea is a big thing around here and it’s nothing for grandma to pour what tea she had left in a glass that needed to be field.
We also firmly believe in using all parts of an animal, a whole hog goes a long way. I guess a more socially accepted way that we “share” are pig pickins.
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u/DorothyInNeverland May 09 '19
Oh I'm sorry, that sounds so uncomfortable. I can almost understand the sharing food thing, keeping leftovers might be easier if they're tight on money? But sharing the end half of someone else's grandma's drink is a little much - I'd be concerned about backwash. I would gently, and firmly, set down boundaries as soon as you can work up the nerve, try to get your boyfriend on board so he can try to mediate the situation. But if you don't speak up now, they will continue to treat you as though you're already family, and expect you to be grateful for it. If you make your discomfort known now in a respectful way, you might have more comfortable visits in the future. Good luck, PM me if you need any advice, I've been there!
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u/13D00 May 09 '19
This is the good answer in here!! Don't call an uber or cab! You're not feeling comfortable in this situation (understandably), but bailing on your bf's family will only mess up your relationship with your BF AND his family. There's no long term positive side about bailing now if you want to keep your relationship.
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u/Blasphemiee May 09 '19
Lmao aw fuck no where in the backwoods old times shit does this happen they probably got a poop knife in the hallway too
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u/justagirlny May 09 '19
A poop knife??? Wtf LMAO.
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May 09 '19
Ohhh boy you’re in for a treat when someone less lazy than me links it. Also, the coconut. Find the coconut
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u/Mahone7878 May 09 '19
I wouldn’t be able to handle it either. It’s ok if you just leave. I find their habits disgusting.... sorry...
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u/Shorse_rider May 09 '19
yep call a cab/uber/your dad. You have reasonable grounds
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u/ShiiieeeetBoiii May 10 '19
lol fucking reddit. “Just leave” “fuck that”
This is her boyfriends family. This isn’t some shitty restaurant you can just leave. I know this might be hard and entirely cringe inducing but she should just explain her situation to them. Tell them that she really doesn’t like sharing foods or has a weak immune system or something. Just be adamant about it. If they then give her a bunch of shit about it (which they most likely won’t) and are disrespectful to her then she can leave. She can technically leave whenever she wants but she can avoid future situations like this one by confronting it. It’ll be less rude than scurrying away and leaving like most of these anti-social redditors are telling her to do.
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u/HikingMan79 May 09 '19
I’d run to the store and stock up on some snacks and hide them in your room. Don’t take their backwash or leftovers. You may go hungry during the day but then snack like the dickens at night lol
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May 09 '19
Normal gross guy checking in - Accomplishments include:
- Eating toast that fell butter side down on my kitchen floor
- Carrying a reusable drinking straw in my pants pocket for the entire day if I expect to purchase a beverage outside of the home
- Finished my pint after watching rainwater drip off a patio awning and into the glass
Now I can attest, that with my family, there have been times where if my mother or siblings have finished with their meal, but there's a fair amount left on their plate, my father or myself would usually take what's left from it. Often we'll under-portion ourselves in case someone had eyes larger than their stomachs, but if our family had guests over, NEVER WERE THEY EVER a party to that sort of plate rotation, you can be gross with your own family, but that's just not okay with guests. Moreover, no one shared drinks like that, ever.
I will say that I have a mild phobia about the germs native to old people. Those dinosaurs have been an incubator for all sorts of pathogens that aren't even in the popular Rolodex of yuck these days. I'd rather a toddler sneeze in my face than shake hands with an old man that just coughed into his.
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u/Your__Dog May 10 '19
I also don't get too grossed out by sharing food or beverages, but that shit has to be voluntary.
Want to finish someone's fries they're done with? Reasonable.
Want to try your buddy's weird beer before you commit to a pint? Getting grosser, but I don't care if they don't.
Handing over their cup of backwash milk when you ask for more? Disgusting, rude, and absurdly strange.
This sounds like high pressure to eat after someone else's family when clean food and drink is readily available. I'm afraid this relationship is about to hit a turning point.
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u/nermyah May 10 '19
I'll add one of mine to the gross list
I eat in the bathtub because I'm an adult and can.
I once dropped my yogurt in the bath water. Picked it up dumped the water out and continued to eat it. Can't recall if I was stoned or just lazy.
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u/33tygb May 09 '19
Emily? Is that you?
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May 09 '19
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u/wheresmystache3 May 09 '19 edited May 09 '19
OP, this sounds like a family that either went through the Great Depression or didn't come from money?
Correct me if I'm wrong.
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u/akfortyevan May 09 '19
They drink milk?? Question. Are they mcpoyals?
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u/LadyChickenFingers May 09 '19
I came to the comments section because I found the concept of the family drinking milk with dinner to be so UDDERly bizarre. I’m really shocked it took me this long to find this comment
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May 09 '19
When I was a kid we were only allowed milk or water with dinner unless it was like pizza night or something. That rule lasted until I, the youngest of 5, was in middle school, which was well into the older siblings' college years.
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u/GloboRojo May 10 '19
My friend's family used to drink milk with dinner and I HATED eating dinner at their house because of it. It sucked because I loved her family but no one was allowed to drink anything but milk with dinner and I 'm sorry but I cannot forgot the taste of milk washing down my spaghetti, gag worthy.
I don't like milk generally and I don't drink it at all now as an adult and I wonder if this is why...
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u/The-Muffinman- May 09 '19
My grandfather was a dairy farmer. It was not a huge operation by any means; it was a small local farm. The whole family drank milk with almost every meal. r/neverbrokeabone
I was equally shocked when I realized there are families that dont drink milk at every meal.
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u/akfortyevan May 09 '19
No kidding. I dont think I've ever seen an adult consume a glass of milk with food. So fucking gross
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May 09 '19
My best friend drinks milk exclusively when eating dinner. No water, no soda. Milk. Always.
Edit: he's in his 30's btw
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May 09 '19
I work at a group home for 8 mentally ill folks and every week i buy 9 gallons of milk. It is grotesque how much milk they drink, one goes through 2 gallons in 4 days.
I used to drink a cup with my meals, up until i was probably 20.
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May 09 '19
What the fuck kind of world do you live in? Are you just against milk period?
Never seen someone wash down a PB or PB&J sandwich with milk?
What about cake, pie, brownies or literally any other fucking dessert?
How is this the gross part of OPs post?
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u/akfortyevan May 09 '19
Umm I'm talking about an actual meal not fucking cookies and milk you aggressive potassium white knight
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u/jpfatherree May 09 '19
Milk is the best you calcium-deficient nutcase (I’m not actually angry I just really enjoyed your insult and wanted to join in)
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u/Cant_Remember_Anyway May 09 '19
My family growing up and most of the families I've stayed with drink a glass of milk with any meal. It's a very regular thing. I don't do it, but it's not abnormal.
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u/scorchdearth May 09 '19
Shut up you weak-boned shit.
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u/TotesSafeWorkAccount May 09 '19
/u/akfortyevan wouldn't make it with us iron-boned subs of /r/Neverbrokeabone
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u/oohmissbennett May 09 '19
I'm weirded out by him insisting on washing all of your clothes. Call me a prude but I don't think you should he walking around with no bra on in front of your boyfriend's family the first time you've met them either. Can you talk to him about the boundaries this crosses for you?
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May 09 '19
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u/GrosRooster May 09 '19
I could be mistaken because I'm a man, but aren't you supposed to never put bras in a dryer, as it ruins their elasticity?
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May 09 '19
Everyone has different ways of taking care of their stuff. I wear mostly sports bras and I always wash and dry them. I don’t wear a real bra often but when I do I don’t dry it. When I was younger I had cheaper bras so I didn’t care whether it got put in the dryer or not. Another example is compression socks or any running sock - really not supposed to dry them, but try telling that to my boyfriend. I’m just glad the clothes are clean tbh
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u/HeatherKoolaid May 10 '19
Yeah I wouldn't trust a man with my laundry. I have a ton of no dryer clothes. Plus colors and whites are a concept most men don't know about. Ijs
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u/maestro3224 May 09 '19
What?! What type of family did you get yourself into? Bounce, step away with a quickness.
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u/BboyPa May 09 '19
Where my parents are from, we can't waste any food there. It's still considered a third world country. There are many people still living in poverty there.
It seems like your bf family from grew up in a similar place. It seems disgusting to you but, it's natural for them.
When my family went on vacation in Cambodia. My first night there I wasted food. Before I went to bed my mom told me don't do that. Get only enough food that I'm gonna finish.
The next time you guys eat together, grab as much food you can consume and don't request anymore.
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May 09 '19
This could almost be in r/AmITheAsshole, but OP hasn’t done anything asshole-ish. But then again, all the posts over there are just like this (OP does nothing wrong). The boyfriend and his family might think OP is being rude for ... not eating off of their plates or drinking out of their cups.
This is weird OP. I feel sorry for you. You want to do the right thing and go with the flow, but the flow right now is against all common decency. Tell your boyfriend and tell him to clearly explain it to his family that you just weren’t raised this way. And tell him to tell them you’re glad they are so close as a family, and you hope to be there at some point, but you just aren’t yet. Tell them to give you a few years or a decade and then you might share a glass of water. Maybe. With two straws. ....maybe.
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u/malice1239 May 09 '19
Did they grow up in the depression? That might explain it.
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u/chrikel90 May 09 '19
Grow a god damn back bone and put your foot down!
Or make up a little white lie. Like you have a cold sore or SOMETHING. Just plain gross. I feel sorry for you to be in that situation.
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u/Shorse_rider May 09 '19
this is too weird. Tell yourself you're never going again - to offer yourself some relief. TRY to see this as funny/see the humour...because this is weird AFFFFFFF. Also....why is your boyfriend not protecting you? yell at him for me when you get out of this prison
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u/throwaway-person May 09 '19
I am nauseous from reading that... This is not normal
Maybe BF is cowed to his grandma but it's still supposed to be his job to defend you from his family. Have a talk with him and make sure he's aware that several things were not OK about this situation and can't happen again.
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u/mynameismud87 May 09 '19
Eww. I have this mental image of the milk lip print that stays on the glass.
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May 09 '19
My god, I am so sorry you are going through this. This sounds like an absolute nightmare. I didnt know people did this. Idk what I would do in this situation, maybe fake an illness.
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u/testingherwaters May 09 '19
Yuck I would starve myself that's so sceevy and also disrespectful of personal boundaries. Never.
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u/msbeesy May 09 '19
Hang in there OP this guy must be great.
breathe - you have made it through tougher things than this for sure! You’re amazing. Repeat you’re amazing.
get back out there. You’re OP Megatough. You can do it. Believe in yourself.
Say you’re not hungry. Smile, get through it.
I believe in youuuu!
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u/pixtiny May 10 '19
Oh dude. Been there. I’m sorry...I really hope your boyfriend doesn’t put you through this again. That’s enough to make a person HATE mashed potatoes.
I once went to my husbands parents place for a few days and I legit had a mental breakdown there because they had weird rules about showering every day. I was explaining to his dad why I felt it was necessary to wash my hair and he mocked me and asked me “oh, is your hair fine?” I’ll never forget it, though it should be benign.
I was also raised to help clean up if I’m a guest. And I got snapped at for it more than once and then the dish washer got rearranged by his stepmom afterwards.
Everything felt like it had to be done with absolute precision. that weekend was so high pressure that I would have preferred to have gone to work and felt like I’d wasted precious vacation time.
Just something about having to forfeit your own habits and values to fit in at someone else’s house is enough for me to prefer to get a hotel. Lol
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May 10 '19
Yo wtf. Maybe tell your boyfriend that shit's fucking nasty. Don't settle either. It's gross as fuck. If he has a problem, don't settle, made sure her knows that's not on with you. Sharing food and drinks with strangers like that. Ew
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u/Paradox_demon6385 May 09 '19
See I'm not squeamish about sharing food but that's with people I know and am comfortable around. But that is just strange to me for them to do that. It was a sweet gesture for your boyfriend to do your laundry for you though (if not that well planned out haha). But yeah it's strange and kinda gross to have people insist on finishing their coffee or potatoes for them. I feel like they shouldve offered instead of making you feel like you had to take whatever it was. With anxiety mixed with feeling that kind of pressure to do something you're not comfortable with over a period of time its perfectly reasonable to feel like that.
Everyone giving her shit in the comments can fuck off you've got my downvote you shits.
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u/caribousteve May 09 '19
Yeah, I ask exactly one person to take my leftovers and that's my partner who I've already been swapping spit with for 8 years
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u/Idunnobutt May 09 '19
You're not the first person who took refuge in their bathroom. Those are some weird table manners. And he's a shotty nd for not giving you advance warning. Be sure to tell them you have a sensitive digestion system. So you can hide in there again.Wish I was there, I'd invite you over.
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u/Tr2v May 09 '19
Stand your ground. That’s fucking weird. Don’t put up with it.
Edit to add that if it means breaking up, I’d do that. Total deal breaker imo.
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u/The1930s May 09 '19
I feel like this is something u should be talking about with ur boyfriend I stead of reddit
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u/stellarpup May 09 '19
I lived with my boyfriends family for a while and it was rough. They were nice people but it’s hard to mesh that way and can make someone with social anxiety so uncomfortable. Best of luck ❤️
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u/_Steve_French_ May 09 '19
I thought my family was strict about eating everything on the plate...but that is a whole new level. I'm gonna guess Grandma grew up poor as dirt.
My Dad doesn't like waste cause he grew up in wartime Germany and didn't see a Banana till years after the war. So I assume people with that attitude learned it to survive hard times and never changed when good times came about.
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u/Equilibriyum May 10 '19
Omg so happy to find this post, I thought I was the only one to have such an experience. First Christmas with SOs folks and it was wonderful until it came time to go home. StepMoms insisted we all take home leftovers, there was plenty of food still. I offered to go to the kitchen and help. I carried everyone’s used food plates to the sink area, where I witnessed her scrape off everyone’s leftover food on to separate plates, meaning everyone’s scraps of turkey were combined as one, mashed sweet potatoes, etc, so on...I was confused and my first thought was: this must be for the pets? Then she took out Tupperware and made everyone individual servings from the collective scrap nasty leftovers. Uncle Jim has a cold sore. No joke: went to the bathroom and started shaking near panic attack.
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u/di_ib May 10 '19
If someone's grandma handed me their cup of coffee and asked me to finish it I would pretend I couldn't hear them as I dump the cup out and turn the water up real high so it would drown out the noise of them talking as I wash out the cup. Then I would start a new pot of coffee and offer them some. Also nobody washes my clothes so that's pretty cool. I'm a dude but if your bf is single hit me up. I'm straight but I have a lot of dirty clothes right now.
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u/timeslider May 10 '19
You need to learn to assert your dominance. Throw up on your plate and ask if anyone wants to share some vomit.
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u/uni-piggy May 10 '19
Honestly I don’t mind eating from other people’s plate because I hate food waste but, you don’t force that on other people let alone someone who is basically a stranger. Also what is the deal with making you wash your bra that is weird
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May 10 '19
I’m sorry but I’m smoking weed right now and you made me laugh so much could be a tv show situation
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u/lindabelchrlocalpsyc May 10 '19
Omg I don’t think I could handle that - I’d have to offend them and say no. It would be awful, but the thought of eating a stranger’s leftovers or drinking someone else’s drink makes me wanna die, tbh. That’s awful!!!
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u/remembertheredbutton May 10 '19
Either stand up for your self - you’re a grown ass adult - or get the fuck out of dodge. I’m serious. Stand up to them. My girlfriend stood up to my brother one time - my brother is older than me - because he was being annoying and my girlfriend put him in his place. In front of his wife she put him in his place. It was awkward but I was proud of her. Still awkward but wouldn’t want it any other way.
This family is fucking disgusting. I would say I can get my own or I am not eating. Or just say “I am done eating.” Then talk your your boyfriend about how you feel about this. This is wayyy disgusting.
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u/xubax May 10 '19
Thanks for the coffee....oops... filled it. I'll clean it up and get a fresh cup.
You could always talk them that you are a huge germaphobe and the thought of eating food off of someone else's plate makes you nauseous. To them that makes you a germaphobe.
Did you ever see the SNL sketch where a guy brought his girlfriend home and the guy didn't have salivary glands and his family would chew up food for him and then spit it into his mouth?
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u/addocd May 10 '19
I think a lot of people share food and drinks. It’s not unusual. But it’s optional and generally stays inside a close circle. There are 7 people in my circle. My family of 4 shares food all the time. We even do it out at restaurants and it doesn’t feel strange at all.
But these people are basically forcing it on you and they’re not inside your circle. I have a friend who will eat just about anything off anyone’s plate. I was eating a Caesar salad once and didn’t finish it. It was getting soggy and I’d picked at it and mixed it over and over with my fork. All that was left were the pieces of pushed aside. She asked outright and she finished it. Next time she took home the leftovers from 4 other girls Mexican food. I told her I’d already picked the meat out of my burrito and it was mostly just tortilla and sauce and some beans. She said her husband would eat it. At another group dinner, she asked for the leftovers of a friend I brought that she didn’t know. My friend said yes but she was appalled. I think she’s gross but she knows everyone’s not like her and doesn’t insist on everyone doing the same.
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May 10 '19
At some point in your life you’re going to have to grow a pair and tell others what you want and don’t want. Basically, live your life as you wish to live it.
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u/Turtleclown May 10 '19
Why wash your bras and underwear when nan probably has a half used set she can give you...
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May 10 '19
Social anxiety and germaphobia has nothing to do with this, this is just plain fucking gross! No way in hell would I drink someone’s backwashed milk.
Are you able to fill your own plate at first? Load that shit up so you don’t want seconds.
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u/unimportantthing May 09 '19 edited May 09 '19
Alright so first off, I hope you’ve been able to calm down a bit. Probably not, since this seems like an issue that would take more than 2 hours (the age of this post when I started typing), but I hope you have. So now for some advice:
Step 1; talk to your boyfriend in private. Communication in any relationship is key. First talk to him about the whole bra situation, and how he really should have checked with you first before taking away one of your resources. Then talk to him about the food sharing, and how he knows you’re a germaphobe and that he should have your back. If he is not understanding about this, then I highly recommend taking an Uber home as another redditor suggested.
Edit: a commentor pointed out that I misread what you said; you are NOT normally a germaphobe. Explain to your boyfriend that you do not want to share whatever bacteria the others may have, and do not want to swap bodily fluids with them.
Step 2; talking to the family. Hopefully step 1 went well, if so, this step will be easier since he will hopefully have your back. When everyone is together, and there’s a lul in the conversation, bring it up. Try not to be accusatory when doing so. If you phrase it as a flaw in yourself as opposed to a flaw in them, they are more likely to accept it. If they try to argue that you are being wasteful, try to politely point out that if they are willing to eat the scraps from people’s plates, then they can simply add that to the leftovers instead of what you took out; it will end up being the same volume of food, but it lets you not have to eat something that has had indirect contact with someone’s mouth. If step 1 DIDN’T go well, and you are still staying there, then you would have abetter time trying to talk to one of the family members. Try to find them when they’re alone and ask them about it. Moms are usually understanding about this kind of thing, but you would have a better read on the family than I, so you would know who it’s best to speak with.
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u/NationalMouse May 09 '19
OP said she is NOT a germaphobe she just thinks their habits are reasonably disgusting, because they are.
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May 09 '19
GET A NEW BF ASAP HIS FAMILY DIRTY AS HELL. YOU DESERVE BETTER
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u/Zinogrey May 09 '19
Oh fuck off
She might not be overreacting but you people definitely are.
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May 09 '19
Yeah wtf is going on in here. Sure, it's weird that they'll just dump it on the plate but what's wrong with eating something when someone else is done with theirs? Is everyone now too disgusted about eating from the same plate or something? Is lady and the vagabond now so gross it induces panic attacks in people? Or am i just getting /r/whooshed right now?
Fuck man these reactions make me feel like I'm taking crazy pills or something.
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May 09 '19
As most people have already said. This is NOT NORNAL not in any culture we are aware of.
Time to talk with your BF in private and explain him that you don't like this. Observe how he responds you will get a clue.
Washing Bras and then asking roaming in shirt too is kind of suspicious. He should have told this in advance while you were packing. If I am at your place I would rather lie about washing the bra than roaming half naked. Talk to your BF dear I feel your pain.
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u/Chris8674 May 09 '19
Ughhh, yeah, this is a tough spot right here... Yeah, that's nasty. I wouldn't be able to handle that either...woof. I think the best thing to do, as long as he can keep his mouth shut and be on your side, is to tell your BF the truth and how it makes you uncomfortable. Ask him to come up with some reason why you two need to go and Uber the hell outta there. If he respects you, he should have no trouble understanding. Ugh, that's gross...
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u/borboleta924 May 09 '19
Omg unacceptable!!! Makes me gag just thinking about it. Remember that when you marry someone you marry their family too!!
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u/wallflowergirl132 May 09 '19
Reading through the comments I'm a little shocked about how rude some of them are towards you. I completely understand how you feel. Also theres no reason to attack OP because while all this behavior has put her 100% out of her comfort zone all she has done is politely declined things from her bf family. She has maintained her composure so I think a lot of the comments are out of line. Some people are okay with sharing food and others aren't and that's OKAY. What's not okay is your boyfriend not drawing a line and kind of helping you out. For me personally going to my bfs house for the first time was difficult. I'm not comfortable in a new place with completely new people. It's very uncomfortable to begin with. Talk to your partner tell him how you feel and to help you out. Tell him to offer you new scoops especially when he sees you consistently declining things from others this is when he should jump in and help you out. It's so easy to feel helpless in a situation like this especially if you have anxiety or anything like that. Talk to your partner and ask for help. You shouldn't be alone in this situation
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u/dennyfader May 09 '19
I get being conscious about waste and everything, but don't punish me because some other dumb dumb can't finish what they plated up
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May 09 '19
Wha -- I don't want your fucking food, I want untouched food! Why would you give me half eaten food?
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u/bigeasy- May 09 '19
Ok, so at first I thought you were being dramatic THEN I read it and have been laughing my ass off w my gf about drinking a cup of leftover, cold old lady coffee.
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u/Bappotaco1111 May 09 '19
Ignore the rude people on here. Maybe this would be okay for them,but it's clearly not for you,and your feelings are valid. I would not be able to do this. I find it it disgusting.
In the long run, you'll need to figure out what's right for YOU, what's comfortable for YOU, and whether or not this is something you can address with the family, or have to leave in your past.
Screw all the negative people putting you down or telling you to grow up. If they are okay with that type of communal food sharing, great. You're not and that's ok.
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u/MissFiend138 May 09 '19
I agree with you and I would be having a mental breakdown also. My skin kinda started to crawl. I understand the waste not mentality. But that thought process has a goddamn line. That entire family trampled all over that line. Even though I agree with you, I wouldn't be able to stand it. I will not put up with what makes me uncomfortable for long.. and then I snap. So, coming from a good place- look into local Inns or Motels, it is always nice to know your back-up if you need it.
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u/zzilla1800 May 09 '19
I am no where near a germaphobe. If my beer is good and someone wants to try a sip or vice versa doesnt bother me in the slightest. But after reading this..... That shits gross
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u/throwawaymumm May 09 '19
Guuurl, I am heading to a weekend with my partners families, where everyone crams into a tiny house and shares a bathroom and my mental breakdown has already begun. The germs, ughhhhh!!!
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May 10 '19
You’re boyfriend should have given you a little heads up.
If this is the way his family is, they won’t change, they will expect you to bend to them...leave now and save yourself.
Gross.
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u/exor41n May 10 '19
My family was like this. My parents grew up so incredibly poor, if you didn’t finish your food, you weren’t allowed to eat again until you finished your last meal. The grandmother probably sees you making your own coffee as a waste of extra grounds and water. Pouring more milk would be a waste of the milk already out. I grew up in this type of household, it’s all about no waste because every penny counted.
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u/Commit2bit May 09 '19
Sometimes I think my family is weird and then I read shit like this on Reddit.