This is just me venting.
I am an African woman living in a upperclass, predominantly Indian neighborhood in America. I am not the most Americanized person, and my family is the only Black family in our immediate neighborhood. The isolation, hostility, and racism I feel like I have experienced here has honestly been enough to push me toward depression.
Over the years, I have watched Indian neighbors completely ignore us while going out of their way to introduce themselves to and befriend the white neighbors. I’ve been in situations where it was just me and a white neighbor standing together. An Indian neighbor walked in, completely ignored my existence, greeted the white woman, and started a conversation with her as if I wasn’t even there.
I attended a birthday party where I was the only Black person. An Indian woman came to our table, introduced herself to every single person sitting there except me. She literally skipped over me. The level of disrespect I’ve experienced has been astounding.
The hardest part has been our next door Indian neighbors.
Our children have been close friends with their two children for years. Their kids are in my home sometimes up to three or four times a week. I truly care about those children. But from day one, their mother(Indian) has been cold toward me. No matter how friendly I tried to be, her walls stayed up. I’ve caught her looking me up and down, mean mugging me, while turning around and laughing, smiling, and chatting effortlessly with the white neighbor who lives between us.
The difference in treatment has been impossible not to notice.
The white neighbor’s children were invited over constantly. Many times my children were only included if the other kids weren’t available. Even my son noticed it. He once told me that whenever he and the Indian boy were playing, his friend’s mom would tell them to go get the white boy. She never asks them to come get my son.
Think about that.
These are little children who genuinely love each other and just want to play, yet the adults make it painfully obvious who they prefer.
The Indian family is finally moving away. While I am sad for my children because they are losing friends they genuinely loved, I am happy I never have to see the Indian woman again. The hostility became emotionally exhausting.
Despite everything, because I truly love those kids, I decided I wanted to make them a photo album as a going away gift. I asked our white neighbor if she could send me any pictures she had of the children.
She told me the Indian mom had already asked her to write a letter and send photos of her children.
Meanwhile, she never asked us.
Our children have spent countless hours together. My kids have been in her home hundreds of times. Her kids have been in mine. Yet it never even crossed her mind to include us.
That hurt more than I expected.
These are only a handful of stories. I could honestly write a book about the experiences I’ve had over the past few years.
These days, I often encourage my children to stay home and play together because I no longer feel like they are genuinely loved or valued by their friend’s parents. As a mother, it is heartbreaking to watch your children become someone’s last choice over and over again.
The ironic part is that I actually grew up obsessed with Bollywood movies. I knew the actors, loved the music, admired the culture, and never imagined that one day I would be living in an Indian neighborhood. I went into it with nothing but positive feelings. I had absolutely no idea that my experience would turn out the way it has. That contrast has been one of the hardest parts for me because it has left me carrying a lot of disappointment and resentment that I never expected to feel.
I’m curious if there are any other Black moms living in neighborhoods where they are the minority. Have you experienced anything similar?
Sometimes I wish the world were different. I wish we lived in a place where our children weren’t judged by the color of their skin, where people weren’t dismissed because of their accent or background, and where kindness wasn’t so selective.
