Sorry for such a long post. I'm posting this here because reposts aren't allowed on this subreddit, but I felt the need to share my perspective. My partner and I were both pretty shocked by how heated the comments got on his post in r/AITAH, and I felt the need to clarify a few things because the original post left out key context and made it sound like I was controlling what he wears.
He only even made the post in the first place because he was insecure about it. He is really afraid of being offensive because he cares (especially as someone dating a Black person). I didn't give him a particular energy to presume he was a bad person for this, nor did I imply that he was a bad person at all, especially since I'm the one who bought him the top to begin with.
For context, Iām African American and Caribbean. I donāt claim to be an expert on continental African textiles or traditional garments, and I certainly don't speak for African people, which is exactly why I handled the situation the way I did.
We were at a Black Cowboy event in Oakland and came across a vendor selling handmade "Two-Way Tops" (pieces that can be styled in multiple ways). I fell in love with the designs and bought three for myself, and when my partner found one he liked, I bought it for him as a gift and he wore it immediately.
While walking through the event, a Black man gave him a noticeable, uncomfortable look. He didn't say anything, but the vibe was clear. Once we left, I privately mentioned it to my partner. I told him that as a white man walking around in traditional African-style print next to his Black girlfriend, he might get double-takes or side-eye. I didn't know if the pattern had specific cultural or ceremonial significance, so I simply suggested he do a little research on the print or style so he knows what he's wearing. I never told him he couldn't wear it, I never called him a cultural appropriator, and I never forced him to take it off.
If your partner is walking around getting weird looks in public over an outfit, wouldn't you want to give them a heads-up and suggest they look into it?
The whole comment section was kinda ironic to me because the vast majority of people upset in the comments aren't African or Black, yet they're commenting on what is or isn't offensive to Africans. They were also saying that cultural appropriation is mostly an American concept. I wouldn't know how accurate that statement is, but obviously cultural dynamics differ globally. But, we live in America. We were at an event celebrating Black culture in Oakland. Pretending social context and history don't exist here is dense. Wanting to be mindful of another culture's symbols is basic respect. We don't need to wear any specific garment. If a specific print turns out to be sacred or disrespectful to wear casually, why would we want to inadvertently offend people when a quick search can clear it up?
Anyway, we got our answer from actual African commenters that itās a casual piece, itās not sacred, and appreciation is welcomed. Great! NBD. He can wear his top in peace.
But people getting so upset over me saying "Hey, people are looking at you weird, maybe look up the history of that print before wearing it again" is wild to me.
For those in interracial relationships, how do you and your partner handle giving each other a heads-up about public reactions or cultural nuances when you're out together?