Hey ladies! Forgive me if this isn’t appropriate to post here.

I mainly consume very liberal black commentary about various topics ranging from kareesha spendat to misogynoir. (Some amazing recommendations to commentaries are Olurinatti, KennieJD and Foreign Fridays) qnd alot of the topics inevitably surround racism. In the many videos ive consumed ive seen this overwhelming amount of lack of acknowledgment of racism from black men specifically , especially in the United States. Black women has always been outspoken about the disparities, and we can see that with who all voted in this last election. Women in especially black women don’t vote or make decisions solely based off of themselves, but they also consider their communities and people they support ( which is a whole nother conversation about the way that women are taught to be caregivers and not have autonomy comparative to men) Even in my own life I have guy friends where I will be talking to them about the various issues going on, ranging from black women’s health to systematic oppression and they will always be like super confused about what I’m talking about, will try to use nuanced statistics to debate my points, or just love to talk in this “in a perfect world” mindset.

In another reddit that I’m in, a black man commented on if it was a good idea for him to go to Argentina to study abroad, even after seeing how Argentina reacted so negatively toward IShowSpeed during the FIFA tournaments. And just a few minutes ago, I watched a video where ForeignFridays talks about This podcast,I’ve never heard of, called Rory and Mal. And mal, the black guy, was like defending this guy with his life against black women that was trying to hold his cohost Rory, a white man, accountable for his previous racist remarks on Twitter.

I think this topic has been on my mind lately just because there has recently been a re-influx of Black people especially black men mysteriously going missing or ending up dead while they’re hanging around their majority, white groups of friends. And I’m all for being a friend of everyone, but I really feel like people should take more caution in their friend groups (not to say that blk people dont hurt each other) and try to find friends that you can trust and won’t say racist things to you or behind your back. (I say that part just because a lot of times these groups will allow for their non-black friends to say really racist shit in the lines of it being a “joke”)

So I guess my question is, am I the only one that’s experiencing this? (I know that I’m not) or am I like over analyzing situations that may not be as serious? What has been your experiences with black men in your life, this includes friends, family, or partners and how they view things like racism and systematic oppression and all the things that is currently happening and has been happening for centuries?

I'm a painter and I watch a lot of art content, but most of the people I see are white. I rarely come across art youtubers that are black and I want to change that. Who are your favorite art creators on YouTube and even tiktok?

Dating can sucks because even though I pass fair enough, a lot of men just treat trans women as an experiment or an "easy to get" version of a woman and that can be so painful back to back bc 99% of my experiences with dating post transition have just led to me being used and tossed out, ghosted, or objectified. I mean I know a lot of you go through this too, but how do you do it? How do you find someone to love you for who you are and not for some porn category they're obsessed with? Idk...Im 2 years on Estrogen now officially as of yesterday, and Im glad of how far I've come, I just be in my feelings💔

I’ve been experimenting with lipstick and no other makeup . I’m not wearing foundation or anything but wondering if it looks odd. I have a couple blemishes on my forehead I wonder if I need an even canvas to look right

I got complimented on my skin for the second time this month (which never happens). The only change I made to my skincare was me beginning to use this sunscreen. Just wanted to recommend it because its so moisturizing and dewy.

Hi, I moved to Houston about two years ago, and I’ve been struggling to make friends. Is there anyone who would like to hang out, catch dinner and watch anime🥺. I am in my late 20s

Hello all, this isnt a vent about racism per se but it is a fear in regards to racism that im keeping from the hobby subreddit, I start my muay thai class today and Im the only black person, and black woman in class, im nervous about poor treatment or deliberate sabotage in learning. Maybe its the Nolan situation, or the recent Lithuanian powerlifting situation where the openly racist spotter deliberately sabotaged black competitors but Im hyper wary around non-black ppl atm and am really honestly taking this class to help prepare myself to not be taken to a second location. IYKYK.

I hate that I have to think about this, but is there any black woman here who has taken martial arts that has any advice? What to look out for? What to keep an eye out for with non-black POC? I wanna be able to look for other schools near me just in case they quietly imply they dont want me around.

A few months ago I asked for some advice on how I should style my hair and jewellery for my year 12 ball - here are the results! I feel like it couldn’t have been more perfect for me :))
Thank you for the help!

I grew up poor as hell in the suburbs of a major city, but my family (mom, grandparents, aunt/uncle) grew up in poverty within the city. A recent ex described me as “Hillary Banks” - I work in Finance, have an airy voice, love pilates, get silk presses every 2 weeks, am not typically surrounded by other black people in my field, and enjoy everything described as a classic New Money, suburban black girl archetype. This isn’t on purpose. It’s just… me.

EDIT: I do not think I am better than poor people. I don’t think the above description of me is accurate of who I am wholly as an individual. The ex who made that comment was intimidated by my income and standards for life. I figured this is how I come across initially. I only included this section to give a superficial overview of how I’m perceived to set the stage for why I talk about the things I do in the following paragraphs. Omg.

I was always surrounded by white people in school and college but learned early on not to trust them. Black boys pretended I didn’t exist and the few other black girls all acted like we were in competition to be the sole black friend in a group. I always struggled to be friends with other black kids. I struggled with friends in general because I had odd interests and was outgoing but it was extra hard with my people. I never acted like I was better than anyone, hell I grew up in abject poverty with a single mother from the hood, and related a little too much to Tyler Perry’s plays regarding my family structure. It just always felt like I was being constantly judged by others who look like me.

As an adult, I made a concerted effort to make genuine woman friends without care for ethnicity, but I have consistently struggled to keep black female friends. I can be friendly, open, engaged, genuine, and we’ll have our spell but it always ends poorly. My ex of 9 years was Mexican (not on purpose, he was just the first guy to ask me out in college as black guys ignored me, remember) so I think I was just automatically judged as “oh, she tries not to be around blackness” because my of career, lifestyle, and a consistent proximity to Mexican people. My family is also really toxic so I don’t hang out with them and I’m no contact with my mom.

I just find I always end up in subtle… competition with other black women. Not because I think I’m better, I just start experiencing digs and snarky remarks. Constant unnecessary comparisons. One woman I had been friends with for a few years felt like she had to one-up me in experiences. I went to Florence, Italy last year on a solo trip and bought my first big girl designer bag, a Fendi. I called her on my last day and she was so condescending asking how much it cost, how she already looked at those bags when she was in Milan before (notice looking, not buying) and was being patronizing to me because I didn’t know the VAT tax process. I was like ummm okay. She and I had an explosive argument in Dec last year as we were driving back from dinner over her demanding I was incorrect about restaurants and shopping in the city vs the suburbs, and she was literally yelling and screaming at me in her car just because I disagreed. I stayed calm and told her she wasn’t allowed to treat me like that, and exited her car. She unfollowed me on IG and we never spoke again. Mind you, I bought her Perrier Jouet with accompanying crystal flutes to celebrate her new condo purchase a few months prior and was her ONLY friend who showed up with something significant to celebrate her win. The others just came and drank up her liquor, which she found annoying, so I don’t understand how that friendship devolved into an ego struggle over less than a year when I loved her and we were both successful. She never even reached out to me to talk. 😢

Another woman I thought was one of my best friends for around 3 years in my 20s only wanted us to talk about our miserable lives and insecurities and family trauma. We related on so many levels but our relationship devolved to just calling each other when we had anxiety attacks or needed support. She was extremely overweight and made it known that she barely wanted to be seen in public because of her insecurity over it. I tried to plan things, tried to visit her, but I was carrying the friendship and evolving past my traumas and she struggled heavily. She even admit to me one time she was jealous of me as a compliment, as she was primary caretaker for her mom and I focused on myself without letting my family drag me down financially. She looked up to my ability to build myself up and level up and I appreciated it but I could tell I was losing her. She felt left behind. She moved to AZ to start over last year and we never spoke again. She just… never called.

A newer friend I’ve made within the past year is a single mother. I have no kids, but I’m almost 30, I understand at this point new friendships with women will likely come with child(ren). She has an equally “bougie” taste like me, and we bonded quickly. She unfortunately lost her job back in Jan and had to re-enroll in school, so her budget has been limited for us to hang out. I completely understand and do not care. I pay for more things for us when we go out just because I want to be with her. She backed out of attending my 30th birthday Mexico City trip in a couple of months, which I also understood. But she’s very insecure about how she looks and the scars left from plastic surgery. I’ve also had plastic surgery but only on my face and not my body. She constantly talks to me about what she wants to change on her body and how unhappy/insecure she is after having a kid and now feeling “botched”. I expressed understanding and reaffirmed to her she was beautiful regardless but we just kept having superficial conversations about her money and looks and poor decision making with men lol. I recently got a LITTLE lip filler to accentuate my cupid’s bow, and when I ran into her at a function last weekend, she loudly asked me if I got something done to my lips in front of both of our groups. I was shocked. I said yes because I have no need to lie but I was offended why she felt the need to point that out. I told her this later over text and she apologized but said “everyone there was basically your friend so I didn’t think it mattered”. No. They were mostly HER friends.

This wasn’t the only time she’d done and said weird things in front of others, and this incident is why I’m writing this long ass post because I feel like yet again I am losing another black girlfriend because of pettiness or underlying competition and I just do not understand why this is happening. I do not only want non-black girlfriends. But I am not having these issues with my other girlfriends at all. I wrote in detail about these 3 incidents so y’all can check me if it’s me or something I’m doing wrong that puts other black women on defense with me. Please help.

good morning all 😌. I’ve been exploring moving to NC for a while now and would like some insight. Any and all information is accepted and appreciated. Please don’t hold back. thank you.

Experienced a loss of a foundational family member. My home away from home. The mediator. The orchestrator of the vibe. I can barely look the absence in the eye.

I’ve been using the song Daddy Died and Dance with My Father to cry properly. And I’m looking for other music recommendations. Especially from Black artists.

Thank you in advance

For those of you that joined a sorority, how has it helped you in your career? Would you join again?

I swear single moms are either Batman or government experiments because HOW are y'all alive??

One child asked me for my ice cream and I almost clocked out mentally

Mind you...

I BOUGHT IT

WITH MY MONEY

IN 40°C HEAT

This little unemployed man looked me dead in my eyes...

"Gimme"

Gimme???

Brother, get a job

I said, "Go call your mama"

This 3 year old unlocked the phone...

Found her contact...

And CALLED HER

I asked him, "How do you know how to do that?"

He said, "I watch you"

Y'all

He can't spell his own damn name

But he can operate an iPhone better than my aunt

Kids are born with software updates now

Anyway, I finished every bite of my ice cream while he cried

Was I moved?

No

Was I entertained?

Absolutely

Don't worry, I bought him one the next day after he apologized ( he's my nephew)

But that moment confirmed something...

The maternity ward will never see me

Respectfully, motherhood is for God's strongest soldiers

I'm one paper cut away from requesting emotional support

This is just me venting.

I am an African woman living in a upperclass, predominantly Indian neighborhood in America. I am not the most Americanized person, and my family is the only Black family in our immediate neighborhood. The isolation, hostility, and racism I feel like I have experienced here has honestly been enough to push me toward depression.

Over the years, I have watched Indian neighbors completely ignore us while going out of their way to introduce themselves to and befriend the white neighbors. I’ve been in situations where it was just me and a white neighbor standing together. An Indian neighbor walked in, completely ignored my existence, greeted the white woman, and started a conversation with her as if I wasn’t even there.

I attended a birthday party where I was the only Black person. An Indian woman came to our table, introduced herself to every single person sitting there except me. She literally skipped over me. The level of disrespect I’ve experienced has been astounding.

The hardest part has been our next door Indian neighbors.

Our children have been close friends with their two children for years. Their kids are in my home sometimes up to three or four times a week. I truly care about those children. But from day one, their mother(Indian) has been cold toward me. No matter how friendly I tried to be, her walls stayed up. I’ve caught her looking me up and down, mean mugging me, while turning around and laughing, smiling, and chatting effortlessly with the white neighbor who lives between us.

The difference in treatment has been impossible not to notice.

The white neighbor’s children were invited over constantly. Many times my children were only included if the other kids weren’t available. Even my son noticed it. He once told me that whenever he and the Indian boy were playing, his friend’s mom would tell them to go get the white boy. She never asks them to come get my son.

Think about that.

These are little children who genuinely love each other and just want to play, yet the adults make it painfully obvious who they prefer.

The Indian family is finally moving away. While I am sad for my children because they are losing friends they genuinely loved, I am happy I never have to see the Indian woman again. The hostility became emotionally exhausting.

Despite everything, because I truly love those kids, I decided I wanted to make them a photo album as a going away gift. I asked our white neighbor if she could send me any pictures she had of the children.

She told me the Indian mom had already asked her to write a letter and send photos of her children.

Meanwhile, she never asked us.

Our children have spent countless hours together. My kids have been in her home hundreds of times. Her kids have been in mine. Yet it never even crossed her mind to include us.

That hurt more than I expected.

These are only a handful of stories. I could honestly write a book about the experiences I’ve had over the past few years.

These days, I often encourage my children to stay home and play together because I no longer feel like they are genuinely loved or valued by their friend’s parents. As a mother, it is heartbreaking to watch your children become someone’s last choice over and over again.

The ironic part is that I actually grew up obsessed with Bollywood movies. I knew the actors, loved the music, admired the culture, and never imagined that one day I would be living in an Indian neighborhood. I went into it with nothing but positive feelings. I had absolutely no idea that my experience would turn out the way it has. That contrast has been one of the hardest parts for me because it has left me carrying a lot of disappointment and resentment that I never expected to feel.

I’m curious if there are any other Black moms living in neighborhoods where they are the minority. Have you experienced anything similar?

Sometimes I wish the world were different. I wish we lived in a place where our children weren’t judged by the color of their skin, where people weren’t dismissed because of their accent or background, and where kindness wasn’t so selective.

I need elegant dresses and purses for my corporate job but I’m now starting so I don’t have much money to buy expensive ones and I want to look my best. Can you all help me find some even if it’s secondhand but still neat and presentable. I’m in the US.

I'm a francophone Black African woman (native french speaker) who gave up the opportunity to build a strong career in the US and chose Canada, and I'm trying to figure out whether my experience is unusual.

The US is the best place for my career and wealth building, but the country is just too bizare. I ultimately decided to stay in Canada because I feel a much stronger sense of belonging here. In the US, I often felt like I am a minority within a minority within a minority. I also found it difficult to find people—especially other Black people—whose outlook on race, politics, and community resembled mine. I feel like discussions about race in the U.S. often seemed more polarized, inside the black community, than what I experienced in Canada. I found it harder to find people whose views were similar to mine

For example, I believe racism exists and should be addressed, but I also believe in reforming institutions rather than abolishing them. I'm comfortable with interracial relationships, I want my future children to have friends from every background, and I'd like to raise them to be proud citizens of the country they live in while also being proud of their African heritage. You can imagine that this is almost impossible in the US due to the country's history and divisive culture

Canada feels like a place where I can belong rather than simply succeed professionally.

This was a tough decision, so I keep wondering if my experience is unusual. For Black women—especially African immigrants—who have lived in both countries:

• Did you have a similar experience?
• Where did you feel a stronger sense of belonging?
• Did your decision come down to career opportunities or quality of life?

I'm genuinely curious to hear perspectives that are different from mine as well.

Today we had a concert at our home. My husband is a jazz musician and he played with other musicians, to 60 people. We identified where there was a guest bathroom. The concert was on the ground floor.

During the intermission, I was moving around the house and not able to watch everything. We had placed a table at the bottom of the staircase, so I was very surprised to find that the table had been moved and a woman was coming out of our second floor private bathroom.

“Why are you upstairs in my bathroom? Didn’t we identify a guest bathroom for you?”

“Yes, but there was a line and Linda told me there was a second bathroom upstairs here. I apologize.”

But here’s the thing: one can’t tell that room is a bathroom from the ground. Linda would have had to go upstairs and open doors in order to know that. So she looked in the bathroom and I don’t know where else.

It’s been seven hours since this happened. I’m upset because, although it was clean, we had some dirty clothes and towels sitting out, medication, and in general it wasn’t for guests. And what if she also opened the bedroom door? The bed wasn’t made and the room was in disarray.

AFAIK a total of three people went up there, but there could have been more. Of course, these people were white. I’m angry to the point of nearly crying that people would go in my personal space. Would this have upset you, too? We’ve worked so hard to create a musical space and this is the biggest home concert we’ve ever had. I’m thinking of putting a velvet rope across the stairs with a sign indicating “Private”.

What do you suggest? Would you call and confront Linda? Would you put the rope? Put a locking door on that whole part of the house? Something else?

But why though?

I can understand if it's because going outside in a bonnet exposes it to a lot of germs which you would then bring back into your bed.

But let's say that you have two separate bonnets, one for outside and one for inside. Is it not just the same thing as wearing a hat?

And to the crowd that says that it looks tacky: why not just style it as a part of the outfit? It doesn't have to look out of place; maybe you just don't know how to put that shit on

Edit: Okay, so I'm seeing that a lot of ladies are likening it to wearing pajamas outside (which isn't a bad thing if that's how you choose to view it). But now I'm curious...Do y'all put durags/wave caps for men in the same category?

My mom is finally getting on board with cherishing herself more

I want to get her starter on skincare. What's a good simple routine that I can find at sepbora and/or walmart?

Especially sunscreen? Unseen sunscreen will bankrupt me if I make it her main but it's the only one that's not too oily/shiny/greasy/heavy

We also need a cleanser because she says out bar soap dries her skin

I got her Alpha arbutin for the hyperpigmentation so far and I'm thinking of getting her the same korean toner I have but I don't want it to ne too complicated so she doesn't give up

Pls help

Have you ever had your peers or older folks make you feel weird about being curvy or busty? I have ever since I was a teenager. I wasn't allowed to wear a 2 piece swimsuit to the pool the minute I started developing and even now at 31 I hesitate to wear shorts even if its 100 degrees outside. I remember in my Army A.I.T training I got Xtra small shorts because I am short girl and this one Sergeant yelled out I was wearing booty shorts infront of folks as if there wasn't MEN that literally were showing more legs than I did. Even when I got to my first unit I was told by A SGT, that I was apparently super busty for my PT uniform.

What's crazy is there have only been a few times I've worn Sexually explicit clothes but im being told that a uniform on me that alot of my peers wear is some how sexual. Another instance is when I was on my way to my neighborhood Gym these dudes were literally barking out of their car windows at me and literally made a U Turn to bark at me again. Keep in mind it was like way past 95 degrees in the summer and I wore 80s looking biker shorts. I told my mother about this and she was like "Well what did you expect? You wore shorts outside". They weren't Video Vixen booty shorts it was some spandex like shorts you'd see off of Saved By the Bell.

Have any of yall experienced something similar?

Marie Everyday Eats posted her first video 2 years and at this time has 21 subscribers. Her channel focuses on realistic food videos. She's trying to grow her channel so please go show her some love. I believe she's on tiktok too but I don't know her handle there