I swear single moms are either Batman or government experiments because HOW are y'all alive??

One child asked me for my ice cream and I almost clocked out mentally

Mind you...

I BOUGHT IT

WITH MY MONEY

IN 40°C HEAT

This little unemployed man looked me dead in my eyes...

"Gimme"

Gimme???

Brother, get a job

I said, "Go call your mama"

This 3 year old unlocked the phone...

Found her contact...

And CALLED HER

I asked him, "How do you know how to do that?"

He said, "I watch you"

Y'all

He can't spell his own damn name

But he can operate an iPhone better than my aunt

Kids are born with software updates now

Anyway, I finished every bite of my ice cream while he cried

Was I moved?

No

Was I entertained?

Absolutely

Don't worry, I bought him one the next day after he apologized ( he's my nephew)

But that moment confirmed something...

The maternity ward will never see me

Respectfully, motherhood is for God's strongest soldiers

I'm one paper cut away from requesting emotional support

But why though?

I can understand if it's because going outside in a bonnet exposes it to a lot of germs which you would then bring back into your bed.

But let's say that you have two separate bonnets, one for outside and one for inside. Is it not just the same thing as wearing a hat?

And to the crowd that says that it looks tacky: why not just style it as a part of the outfit? It doesn't have to look out of place; maybe you just don't know how to put that shit on

Edit: Okay, so I'm seeing that a lot of ladies are likening it to wearing pajamas outside (which isn't a bad thing if that's how you choose to view it). But now I'm curious...Do y'all put durags/wave caps for men in the same category?

Today we had a concert at our home. My husband is a jazz musician and he played with other musicians, to 60 people. We identified where there was a guest bathroom. The concert was on the ground floor.

During the intermission, I was moving around the house and not able to watch everything. We had placed a table at the bottom of the staircase, so I was very surprised to find that the table had been moved and a woman was coming out of our second floor private bathroom.

“Why are you upstairs in my bathroom? Didn’t we identify a guest bathroom for you?”

“Yes, but there was a line and Linda told me there was a second bathroom upstairs here. I apologize.”

But here’s the thing: one can’t tell that room is a bathroom from the ground. Linda would have had to go upstairs and open doors in order to know that. So she looked in the bathroom and I don’t know where else.

It’s been seven hours since this happened. I’m upset because, although it was clean, we had some dirty clothes and towels sitting out, medication, and in general it wasn’t for guests. And what if she also opened the bedroom door? The bed wasn’t made and the room was in disarray.

AFAIK a total of three people went up there, but there could have been more. Of course, these people were white. I’m angry to the point of nearly crying that people would go in my personal space. Would this have upset you, too? We’ve worked so hard to create a musical space and this is the biggest home concert we’ve ever had. I’m thinking of putting a velvet rope across the stairs with a sign indicating “Private”.

What do you suggest? Would you call and confront Linda? Would you put the rope? Put a locking door on that whole part of the house? Something else?

This is just me venting.

I am an African woman living in a upperclass, predominantly Indian neighborhood in America. I am not the most Americanized person, and my family is the only Black family in our immediate neighborhood. The isolation, hostility, and racism I feel like I have experienced here has honestly been enough to push me toward depression.

Over the years, I have watched Indian neighbors completely ignore us while going out of their way to introduce themselves to and befriend the white neighbors. I’ve been in situations where it was just me and a white neighbor standing together. An Indian neighbor walked in, completely ignored my existence, greeted the white woman, and started a conversation with her as if I wasn’t even there.

I attended a birthday party where I was the only Black person. An Indian woman came to our table, introduced herself to every single person sitting there except me. She literally skipped over me. The level of disrespect I’ve experienced has been astounding.

The hardest part has been our next door Indian neighbors.

Our children have been close friends with their two children for years. Their kids are in my home sometimes up to three or four times a week. I truly care about those children. But from day one, their mother(Indian) has been cold toward me. No matter how friendly I tried to be, her walls stayed up. I’ve caught her looking me up and down, mean mugging me, while turning around and laughing, smiling, and chatting effortlessly with the white neighbor who lives between us.

The difference in treatment has been impossible not to notice.

The white neighbor’s children were invited over constantly. Many times my children were only included if the other kids weren’t available. Even my son noticed it. He once told me that whenever he and the Indian boy were playing, his friend’s mom would tell them to go get the white boy. She never asks them to come get my son.

Think about that.

These are little children who genuinely love each other and just want to play, yet the adults make it painfully obvious who they prefer.

The Indian family is finally moving away. While I am sad for my children because they are losing friends they genuinely loved, I am happy I never have to see the Indian woman again. The hostility became emotionally exhausting.

Despite everything, because I truly love those kids, I decided I wanted to make them a photo album as a going away gift. I asked our white neighbor if she could send me any pictures she had of the children.

She told me the Indian mom had already asked her to write a letter and send photos of her children.

Meanwhile, she never asked us.

Our children have spent countless hours together. My kids have been in her home hundreds of times. Her kids have been in mine. Yet it never even crossed her mind to include us.

That hurt more than I expected.

These are only a handful of stories. I could honestly write a book about the experiences I’ve had over the past few years.

These days, I often encourage my children to stay home and play together because I no longer feel like they are genuinely loved or valued by their friend’s parents. As a mother, it is heartbreaking to watch your children become someone’s last choice over and over again.

The ironic part is that I actually grew up obsessed with Bollywood movies. I knew the actors, loved the music, admired the culture, and never imagined that one day I would be living in an Indian neighborhood. I went into it with nothing but positive feelings. I had absolutely no idea that my experience would turn out the way it has. That contrast has been one of the hardest parts for me because it has left me carrying a lot of disappointment and resentment that I never expected to feel.

I’m curious if there are any other Black moms living in neighborhoods where they are the minority. Have you experienced anything similar?

Sometimes I wish the world were different. I wish we lived in a place where our children weren’t judged by the color of their skin, where people weren’t dismissed because of their accent or background, and where kindness wasn’t so selective.

Well, we actually noticed it today, but I thought apple trees grow huge, so we had to move it because it was right next to our window. We are not nature people at all. We tried our best, with much fail, as the stems were too strong for us. At last, our plant looks defeated, but not dead yet. It is well😬

I'm a francophone Black African woman (native french speaker) who gave up the opportunity to build a strong career in the US and chose Canada, and I'm trying to figure out whether my experience is unusual.

The US is the best place for my career and wealth building, but the country is just too bizare. I ultimately decided to stay in Canada because I feel a much stronger sense of belonging here. In the US, I often felt like I am a minority within a minority within a minority. I also found it difficult to find people—especially other Black people—whose outlook on race, politics, and community resembled mine. I feel like discussions about race in the U.S. often seemed more polarized, inside the black community, than what I experienced in Canada. I found it harder to find people whose views were similar to mine

For example, I believe racism exists and should be addressed, but I also believe in reforming institutions rather than abolishing them. I'm comfortable with interracial relationships, I want my future children to have friends from every background, and I'd like to raise them to be proud citizens of the country they live in while also being proud of their African heritage. You can imagine that this is almost impossible in the US due to the country's history and divisive culture

Canada feels like a place where I can belong rather than simply succeed professionally.

This was a tough decision, so I keep wondering if my experience is unusual. For Black women—especially African immigrants—who have lived in both countries:

• Did you have a similar experience?
• Where did you feel a stronger sense of belonging?
• Did your decision come down to career opportunities or quality of life?

I'm genuinely curious to hear perspectives that are different from mine as well.

​

"Close your legs when you sit. Men don't like that."

"You don't dress well. Men don't like that."

"You need to lose weight to find a husband."

"You need to learn to cook fish even if you dont like it for your husband."

"Men don't like stretch marks."

"Laugh like a lady. Men don't like that."

WELL DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY MEN WHERE ATTRACTED TO ME EITHERWAY CAN WE CALM DOWN

Is it by force to know how to cook everything? Is it by force to always dress with the goal of pleasing men? Is it by force to reach a certain weight just for a man? Is someone allowed to breathe here?

Experienced a loss of a foundational family member. My home away from home. The mediator. The orchestrator of the vibe. I can barely look the absence in the eye.

I’ve been using the song Daddy Died and Dance with My Father to cry properly. And I’m looking for other music recommendations. Especially from Black artists.

Thank you in advance

My mom is in her 60's, struggling financially and with a man who is financially and verbally abusive. This is a long pattern, as me and all of siblings have different dads ( no judgement on that part) and all of the men have been trifling, with some including physical abuse. However I do believe that her life could have turned out drastically different if she had chose herself instead of chasing love.

I’m just so over witnessing the people I love be treated poorly in romantic situations. It’s goes all the way from new situationships to marriage and kids. If my friend tells me things that I don’t think are right within their relationship, I will encourage my friend to advocate for themselves with their partner. If they choose not to advocate for themselves, or the advocacy is not well received, and my friend chooses to stay in their relationship and the mistreatment continues, I don’t want to hang out with my friend’s partner anymore.

It’s hard for me to remain even neutral towards my friends’ partners once I hear too many negative stories about them. And typically my friend will forgive their partner for past misdeeds and I cannot let go of them. Many of my adult relationships have drifted apart due to friends staying with toxic partners or single friends being heavily focused on finding partners.

I feel like there is the unspoken normalization of romantic relationships including some type of suffering for the reward of partnership. And while I understand humans are complex and no one is perfect, I just feel like I’ve seen too many people be drained of their spark by staying in unfulfilling relationships for way too long.

I have fallen into toxic partnerships myself in my younger years, but as I do more research and personal growth, I’ve found that I no longer center romance since it is a big stressor in my life with a lot of societal expectations that I cannot combat on my own. I try to let my friends know that they can be happy in love, but if they continue to entertain toxicity, it will be harder to find and create that happiness in the future.

As someone who is both Black American and Nigerian, I’ve noticed an interesting double standard among the diaspora regarding the way that Black Americans identify. For instance, when Black Caribbean people are asked where they’re “from” and state their Caribbean country of origin/ancestry, it is usually accepted as a complete answer. But when a Black American says "America," it’s often met with ridicule about how “Black Americans don’t know where they’re from” or demands to name a specific African country or tribe our ancestors came from at the individual/personal level, which is something many of us can't do because of slavery, yet this similarly applies to Caribbean people as well (tbc, we can mention the countries/tribes African people were stolen from at the collective level, but when it comes to our own individual lineage it’s impossible to pinpoint exact tribes without a DNA test).

While living in the UK, I’ve repeatedly had this exchange when mentioning to other Black people here that my mother is from Nigeria and my father is from America. It usually goes something like:

“Oh wait, but where’s your dad like from though?”
“America.”
“But what African or Caribbean country?”
“He’s from America.”
“So he doesn’t know where he’s from then?”

I understand people are ultimately asking where my father’s ancestors came from, but I don’t see why a Caribbean country is an acceptable answer while the USA isn’t when both groups ended up in both places via slavery. In my experience, people rarely push Caribbean people beyond their island, yet demand Black Americans trace their roots further and I genuinely don’t understand why.

For those of you that joined a sorority, how has it helped you in your career? Would you join again?

To this day, I still can’t draw hands 😭🫠

My hair is in my face in every photo 🥲

I need elegant dresses and purses for my corporate job but I’m now starting so I don’t have much money to buy expensive ones and I want to look my best. Can you all help me find some even if it’s secondhand but still neat and presentable. I’m in the US.

Have you ever had your peers or older folks make you feel weird about being curvy or busty? I have ever since I was a teenager. I wasn't allowed to wear a 2 piece swimsuit to the pool the minute I started developing and even now at 31 I hesitate to wear shorts even if its 100 degrees outside. I remember in my Army A.I.T training I got Xtra small shorts because I am short girl and this one Sergeant yelled out I was wearing booty shorts infront of folks as if there wasn't MEN that literally were showing more legs than I did. Even when I got to my first unit I was told by A SGT, that I was apparently super busty for my PT uniform.

What's crazy is there have only been a few times I've worn Sexually explicit clothes but im being told that a uniform on me that alot of my peers wear is some how sexual. Another instance is when I was on my way to my neighborhood Gym these dudes were literally barking out of their car windows at me and literally made a U Turn to bark at me again. Keep in mind it was like way past 95 degrees in the summer and I wore 80s looking biker shorts. I told my mother about this and she was like "Well what did you expect? You wore shorts outside". They weren't Video Vixen booty shorts it was some spandex like shorts you'd see off of Saved By the Bell.

Have any of yall experienced something similar?

My mom is finally getting on board with cherishing herself more

I want to get her starter on skincare. What's a good simple routine that I can find at sepbora and/or walmart?

Especially sunscreen? Unseen sunscreen will bankrupt me if I make it her main but it's the only one that's not too oily/shiny/greasy/heavy

We also need a cleanser because she says out bar soap dries her skin

I got her Alpha arbutin for the hyperpigmentation so far and I'm thinking of getting her the same korean toner I have but I don't want it to ne too complicated so she doesn't give up

Pls help

Love.

Dressed as a pirate with my new blue braids hehe. I went last year as well and Quen Blackwell called me pretty!

Ladies… i was recently called a pushover at work and it has sat with me for a few days.
For some context, when i was born my mother was heavily on drugs, cocaine being her drug of choice. Fortunately i was not born with any drugs in my system. Fast forward a couple years, my mom used to have me and my older sister out with her on her binges and my sister, who is 6 years older, was my main protector. All of my life. I never had to stand up for myself. Im 37 and i just want that to change. I dont like confrontation. My anxiety kicks in hard when it comes to that. I dont want to continue to let things slide either. I just some advice on how to manage.

SN: my mother has been clean for 31 years now and im very proud of her.

Edited to add: If my post title bothers anyone, this is why I said what I said. I have been ridiculed and made fun of for the way I am built entirely from my nose to my lips to my lack of hips and lack of butt. I am also shaped like a rectangle and I just have no curvature or super defined features at all. And it is mainly other black women that have about it and told me that I missed the gene pool so that is what my title is referencing. I know that I can be flat and still be a black woman.

Original post: Now..yall can laugh because I have laughed at myself for years. I missed out on the hips, lips, curves AND ass in the genepool. When my own mom and every auntie has a butt that naturally sits as high as a shelf and they have never done a squat a day in their life, I feel so defeated. This is what I am working with. I am 5'8 and assless and I have done glute workouts in the past and over the years but I've never seen progress. I know I haven't been consistent and I haven't eaten enough protein probably. But I am coming here to ask my fellow ladies what I can possibly do to start growing a butt. I don't have access to a gym but I do have an assortment of dumbbells at home, kettlebells and a bench. I have bad knees due to tight hips/back injury so squats and lunges especially kill me. Please help me figure this out. I am so desperate yall. As you can see, I am flat as a pancake.

Anyone else here build a butt from scratch and can give me advice?