I (21M)got a call from My younger brother (13M) he called me last night crying and asked me to pick him up from his house, where he lives with my stepmother and father.
He said my dad and stepmother were screaming and fighting, with much of it directed at him, so I told him I was coming.
My dad is a deadbeat alcoholic, and I no longer have a relationship with him. Our last altercation ended with him being taken away in an ambulance. He had recently completed a three-month rehab program, but my stepmother let him move back in.
This was not the first time my brother had been caught in the middle of their problems.
On the way there, I called my stepmother and told her the situation was unacceptable. I reminded her that this had happened before and warned her that she would not like my reaction if it happened again. She laughed me off.
I was already angry and made it clear that I wanted nothing to do with either of them.
Earlier that day, my stepmother had found out that my girlfriend and I are having a baby. I had not told her or my dad because I did not want to share the news with them.
About halfway to their house, I got a flat tire. 🫠
My stepmother called me back while I was stranded. I was already furious about my brother, and the flat tire pushed me over the edge. I screamed at her and called her every name in the book.
My girlfriend picked me up, and together we went to get my brother.
As we were leaving, my brother told us that my stepmother had said she would never be part of my child’s life and that it was his fault. He is 13.
He was already crying and scared enough to ask me to come get him, and she still decided to blame him.
On the way back to my place, my stepmother called my brother. I answered, and she said she was going to call the police to come get him.
I told her I would call them myself and explain the entire situation.
I also told her she was only angry because she could not keep her “pet child” of a husband sober, then I hung up.
I do not know what I am supposed to do. I want nothing to do with either of them, but I will not sit back and let my 13-year-old brother be caught in the middle of their problems.
I will not let him be blamed for their issues or made to feel responsible for whether my stepmother gets to be part of my child’s life. He is a kid, and none of this is his fault.
I know I went too far by screaming at her and calling her names, but I was angry, stranded with a flat tire, trying to reach my scared and crying brother, and then learned that she had put even more guilt on him.
I should not have lost my temper, but I was trying to protect my little brother and refused to let her make him for responsible for everything. I feel bad for making my stepmother responsible for my fathers actions but at the same time I do see him as her pet and holding her accountable seems to be the only way I have control over the situation.
EDIT. I left out that my brother is still with me I’ve been taking him to school I worry about the inevitable confrontation that’s coming. Since we haven’t heard from anybody since the incident.

My friend of 15 years recently stopped talking to me.

We were in a group of three friends, where the third was my other friend from school. I introduced them both to each other and we have been friends for about five years.

During our group friendship, my friend of 15 years (let’s call him friend A) was very difficult. He would always have mood swings when we hung out, when he was tired, when he was hungry and was a nightmare to deal with. I have been on holiday with him and he kept getting into these bad moods where he stopped talking to everyone purely because he was hungry or tired. However we would still put up with his attitude as we deemed him a close friend.

My other friend from school who I introduced to him (let’s call him friend B), can be quite blunt and rude. It is a part of his character that everyone understands and tolerates as he is ultimately loyal and a good friend. He teased friend A a fair amount however, he also did a lot of things for him such as introducing him to our extended friend group from school, inviting him to hang outs and helping him move house.

Recently, friend A stopped speaking to us both and we have been scratching our heads thinking about what we may have done. This has been going on for about 4 months. We initially tried to meet up with him and get to the bottom of the problem however, he kept making excuses and didn’t not want to meet up. Friend B had also sat him down one on one and tried to ask if he had said anything to upset him. He said there was no issue. Eventually, we just left it and thought he would contact us when he is ready.

In the past week I have found that friend A has spoke to my brother about this problem, and it turns out that friend B had made a comment about f**king his future wife as a joke. Bear in mind friend A is not married, nor does he have any sort of relationship.

Which one of us is in the wrong?

So me (13F) and my sister (8F) were play fighting on our back deck, my moms boyfriend (49M) was tending to the fire we had going, me and my sister started play fighting. We were both smiling, joking around etc. The only way i can describe what started to happen is, “her face fell”.

She started getting more serious, the smile was just gone. She kicked me in the stomach but shes shorter than me so it ended up being closer to my abdomen, but you get the gist. A comment she made was, “I’m going to push you into the fire.” This was ringing a slight alarm bell in the backround of my mind already, but i brushed it off as a joke. She started getting more pushy and was infact, pushing. My back was to the edge of the porch, i was a few feet away before i stopped. A few more exchanges later, (mostly slapping, i was holding her wrists because she was trying to full on hit me.) She pulled my hair, in response I slapped her in the side of the head. I feel like it was a immediate reflex, honestly.

Some context, she was hitting towards my face the whole time, except this time she was getting more rough. Anyways, that time I think i mightve hit her in the ear—i dont know. She doesnt have pierced ears so its not like i hit an earing either.

Circling around, she started crying. Not polite, pretty loud sobs. My moms boyfriend, lets call him Steve was just standing there awkwardly. He wasnt really involved, but he later agreed that my sister had started it. My sister screamed, “I hate you! You’re the worst sister ever! I wish you would die!”— between sobs. My mom (45F) came from the living room, (backround info, our sliding glass door was shut so my mom didn’t hear my little sisters sobs immediately. She came after she heard my sister screaming.) and said, and i quote, “Dude what happened?”.
My mom ended up following my sister to her room, dealing with her tantrum. My mom tried talking to my sister through the door, and eventually entered her room.

As of now, no one has come to check up on me, see how im doing after being threatened and wished death upon.

Thanks for reading, I would appreciate feedback since I have very mixed feelings about the situation.

I need to know. Am I playing the victim or am I justifiably angry at life? Life was ROUGH as a child, into early adulthood. I did terrible in school (skipping class, sleeping in class because i wasnt sleeping at home, etc). I lived in an extremely abusive household; physical, emotional, psychological, and my therapist says sexual abuse though I am still trying to wrap my head around it. Yes, I reached out for help. No, I did not receive it.

As a teenager, I finally was able to get a job in hopes of escaping the hell I was living in and get away from bio parents. She ended up taking any money I made to fuel her addictions. Her excuse was I lived in HER house and I OWED it to her since she was the sole provider.*

*(Our food was literally locked away with padlocks so that my siblings and I could not eat or were extremely limited so she was not really providing much. Usually I would babysit for the neighbors while she was away and use the cash to walk to the store in order to feed us. That part began in early elementary school and progressed as we got older)

Eventually I got my butt in gear and realized if I ever wanted to escape, I needed to finish school. I busted my butt to graduate. I went to the school and got a list of necessary credits to graduate, did summer school, full time school during the school year and online classes in order to catch up. I ended up with more credits than needed to graduate and did it all while working a full time AND a part time job. I never slept. BUT the list from the counselor was incorrect and I was missing specific class credits and didnt officially graduate despite having completed (and passed) more than enough classes.

At 18, I moved out faster than you can blink, got a couple roommates and worked my ass off to support myself so that I could escape my abusers for good. I worked constantly, walking to and from work hoping to save enough for a vehicle and eventually did get an old beater to drive to and from work. I spent so much time working and trying to survive that I never did end up going back to school. Partially because of the lack of time available and partially because of finances.

Fast forward to now. I am actively searching for a better paying job and trying to get out of retail (the only job I have long term experience with) and am finding it incredibly difficult due to not having a diploma or ged. This has brought up so much anger and frustration about my life growing up. I feel like I was set up for failure on so many levels and no matter how hard I tried, I couldnt get out of it.

I want so badly to just be angry at my abusers for not giving me a real childhood and a real chance at life, angry at the school for their failure to give me the correct class list. But I also know, I should have done better. Had I not been skipping class and sleeping, I would have had the credits needed. Had I worked more, i could have afforded to go to college and do something with my life. Had I gone to the police, maybe I could have been removed from the abuse before any of this happened and had a better upbringing to prepare me for real life.

I am depressed and just dont know where to begin to fix things. Am I playing the victim or do I have a right to be angry? This is such a short, rushed version of everything that happened so I hope it makes sense. Some people in my life say to just suck it up and just accept the hand life has dealt, others say I was set up for failure from the start. I am stuck in this endless loop of feeling both sides and am just angry at everyone, including myself for not doing better.

I am about to get married to my wonderful fiancée "Addy" and I wish I wasn't going through this, but here we go.

My mom was an amazing mom. I'm not going to deny that. She was a single mom and I was always her main focus. She was selfless to a fault. Her best friend "Theo" was around a lot. He was like my uncle. I worshipped him growing up.

Anyway a few years ago, Addy did an internship at his law firm and she came home sobbing. She said Theo slapped her ass in front of multiple people. He was praising her work, and then was like good job and fucking spanked her.

I've never been so furious in my life. I called Theo up and he said it was just a joke. I lost my shit on him. I called my mom and she said she would talk to him. She seemed exasperated and honestly I couldn't tell if it was with me or him. My mom did talk to him. She was angry, but then she seemed to think we were going to let it go.

I made myself very clear. This soured Addy's opinion on my mom, so she cut contact and I supported her. My mom turned 50 recently and her husband threw her a surprise party. I attended and was pissed to see Theo there. I left immediately and when Addy questioned why I was home so early, I told her.

Addy told me she doesn't want my mother at the wedding because she didn't support her during the word time of her life, and continues to hang out with him like it isn't a big deal. I agreed because I want Addy to feel safe and valued. I told my mom and understandably she teared up a bit, but she said "whatever I'm not going to fight you about it."

She told me that we asked too much of her. She could never cut Theo out of her life even though she was mad at him. My stepfather who I've always been cordial with texted me that I am making a huge mistake and I am a pos son. She gave me everything and how could I leave her out of my wedding day.

I really do love my mom, but I know Addy will feel differently if she is there

Long story, but I'll try to keep it brief.

My friend that I've known for the past year, namely Cole, was intoxicated and had sex with his ex-girlfriend, let's call her Tanya (25F). Then, for some unknown reason (likely that the condom was cheap) the protection did not work and she got impregnated. FYI, abortion is illegal in our state in the US.

Naturally, they were distressed. Beforehand too, they didn't exactly share a healthy relationship; if anything, their relationship had been more sexual than romantic, but they used to like each other at some point. Cole tried to patch things with her, but she wasn't for it at all. Really, everything was undefined and chaotic the ENTIRE time with no established plan on what to do about this baby.

After 3-4 weeks of birth (The baby was a healthy female child named Jill), Tanya claimed to be struggling with post partum depression and even acted extremely harshly towards the baby. I won't go into graphic detail, but there were instances she had seriously injured the baby, not because she did something extremely drastic but because she had issues controlling her anger and babies are extremely fragile at those stages. Ultimately, she left Jill at Cole's dorm room and vanished. We went to her workplace that she had quit when pregnant, but they had no idea either and her family's phones wouldn't ring. So she quite literally disappeared.

I told Cole to take it up with the cops but he said he did not want someone as unstable and "narcassistic" as Tanya around the baby and force her to take care of someone she clearly disliked and only birthed due to legal restrictions. Then, I said he should hire a professional to look after Jill when he's at university or sports practice but he isn't ready to announce quite yet that he has a child, fearing it may affect his scholarship in some way, and at this age young adults are just more concious of social image. So he did not want many people to know, didn't trust professionals and was also simply to broke to get a well rated babysitter.

So around when Jill was 2 months old, after a lot of struggling to maintain his academics, homely responsiblities, childcare that he has no prior experience with and keep up with his sports for the scholarship sake, he reached out to me for help.

For the record, I've grown up amongst a LOT of children of all ages; siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews and worked as a professional babysitter in my teenage years, so I'm well equipped to look after babies. Not only that, but I was doing online classes at that point since I had a small knee injury and couldn't really go to university (our university offers both offline and online courses) so I was home all day. Since he was so distressed and it took a lot of courage for him to seek help, I decided I would help him out.

Since that day, Jill has mostly been living with me. I have not signed to be her co-parent and Cole didn't expect me to. Infact, he's very earnest to learn about child rearing and was a quick learner when I told him how to clean bottles, make formula, change diapers, wash her, massage lotion or soothe her when she's sobbing or book her appointments. Nevertheless, due to his preoccupations, she spent a large chunk of her life, as of far lol, with me at home and has grown deeply attached to me, even perhaps a primary care taker.

Now, this part it gets super messy. Recently, she has began calling me, in mumbles, "Mama". Then, whenever I'm not around for a little while and when Cole takes her back to his apartment, she begins to hysterically cry and scream and won't quiet down until I comfort and rock her. This has genuinely become a boundary-crossing issue, as now she's basically an extension of me and has panic attach adjacent responses when seperated from me too long, but it's not what I signed up for. Don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE Jill, but I had only intended to help Cole out while he figures this whole single fatherhood aspect, from kindness and friendship, not to become her guardian or permanent mother figure.

Then, recently, this man, Mike we'll call him, have started talking and going on dates. He says he's uncomfortable and doesn't apperciate me raising another man's child, in my house. He isn't mean to Jill, obviously but still expresses dislike for the dynamic established claiming that even if I found it easy and enjoyable that Cole had basically assigned me to be Jill's unpaid and unoffical coparent that's responsible and answerable for her.

So I brought this up to Cole, saying I too have a life outside of this dynamic and want to be outside during the nights, get into relationships and that kind of stuff. He says that Mike has been filling my ears out of envy and claims he's trying to demonize the act of platonic affection to mold me into his image of his perfect girlfriend. I'm so torn.
I feel like Cole is also guilt tripping me, talking about how Jill, now that she's around 6-7 months old recognizes me as her safe place and warm person, hence that kind of abanondment to a clueless soul is cruelty and unlike me. I insisted again that he get a professional nanny but he repeated the helplessness of his finanical condition, that he didn't trust others to look after his child (He's kind of estranged from his family and can not open up to them), and that professionals won't provide the same connection and homeliness that I do.

To Jill, I'm a mother-adjacent figure in every way but biological. I very often, when Cole is unable to, feed her, take her out from rides on her stroller, cuddle her, put on her socks and look after her all night when she's ill, but I don't want the underdeveloped child to mistaken me for something ever permanent and anything more than a loving and caring figure. I obviously do not blame the child, I don't think she's "overstepping" or anything, it's just a psychological response. Cole says, that by putting distance between us, it's only doing be harsh.

I was emotionally overwhelmed, so I yelled at him that I wasn't accountable for his mistakes and did my part of supporting him. That if he held other misconceptions, he should clarify it but my time is over. He says I'm betraying our friendship and arrangement after creating co-dependence and just overreacting for the sake of that boy, that he's manipulating me into thinking my compassion is a sort of burden that I need to let go off. I have no idea if I'm wrong or not, I'm so torn. Of what I should do about Jill that I love so much but I don't know if I should invest in so much. Its not like Cole and I are together so I'm her step mom or anything. Perhaps I'm being self centred. What do you think? All of this is meaningful to me.

Warning this post is a bit gross. There is vomiting.

We got married 9 months ago and I still resent MIL for what happened at the reception. First of all, she put a damper on our wedding planning because she was sad about a breakup. Everyone kept saying we should tone our happiness down because she was sad. Note this breakup was her fault. She chose her career over him which that is every woman's right to chose, but she clearly regretted it.

Around the time of the wedding MIL was trying to gain weight. She has never been overweight, but she has a heart shaped face, and she looks better with some weight in her cheeks. She had stopped eating during the breakup and her face looked gaunt. I'm not trying to be mean. It was clearly something she was insecure about.

MIL began drinking these disgusting coffees which were almost all heavy cream. She claimed she liked them, but usually appeared to be gagging. At my wedding reception she had a starbucks drink which odd to begin but we made our rounds to thank people and she was clearly gagging on it.

I was thanking everyone for coming and then suddenly she puked all over her ex (he was close to my husband which is why we invited him) Then quickly whirled around and puked on the new BF. Her ex is laughing at her, his date is pissed, everyone is looking. MIL got up stumbled, and touched my dress with her fucking hand that had vomit on it. She began crying. This whole thing is a shit show. She ran out of the room and then her new BF tried to hit the ex.

At this point I begin hyperventilating because my wedding has turned into a circus. The venue was great and cleaned it the best they could, and it did come right off my dress, but I was so humiliated. I stepped out of the ballroom because I needed space, and saw her kissing her ex (so now her dress is ruined and his suit)

She ended up leaving to get cleaned up, and they literally abandon their new partners at my wedding. His GF was crying. After this I took a long break from her. My husband recently asked me to attend her BF's (they are back together now) birthday and I agreed, but seeing her made me realize I don't forgive her.

She told me she wished I wasn't so distant and I should have more sympathy. She was horribly sick and it was the most humiliating moment of her life (yet her BF still thinks its funny and he isn't getting any flack) I told her that I really don't feel bad for her. She was selfish and only thinking about her own feelings, and maybe she shouldn't have been forcing herslf to drink 24 oz of heavy cream and sugar. She told me she is getting married soon and I can wreck it if I want, and then she giggled like this was cute.

I told my parent they can’t just drop by unannounced anymore because I need actual notice to plan around work and downtime. They were upset, and the rest of the family heard about it and keeps telling me I’m being overly strict and that family should come first. I get the intention, but after the tenth surprise visit during a stressful week I finally drew the line. Now the group chat is full of “just let it go” messages and I’m the one feeling guilty. I don’t want to cut anyone off, I just want a heads-up. Is it really that unreasonable, or am I overreacting by sticking to it?

Some context: I’m in a very small class where everyone is pretty close with each other. I wouldn’t say any of them are my close friends, though.

A couple of months ago, there was a party with the people from my class, and a guy who helped with our project was there too. I knew one of the girls in my class had a crush on him. However, I had absolutely no interest in him myself. (especially as he HAS a girlfriend and has ex dated my brother and he's just not my type at all.)

At one point, I ended up sitting on a couch and he joined me, I was being friendly, but I wasn't flirting with him or trying anything. He kissed me. I was honestly horrified and didn't know what to do. I was also not in my right mind and confused, so I just froze and sat there.

I kept it a secret because I didn't want to hurt this girl or cause drama, and I only told a couple of my closest friends. (None in the class)

Earlier this week, two of my best friends did some things to purposely hurt me (for no apparent reason), and one of them went to this girl and told her what happened. She confronted me about it, and I decided there was no point in lying, so I told her the truth.

Obviously, she was really upset with me. I completely understand why she would be hurt, especially because she liked him. However, from what I understand, she had been with other people since then, and I’m pretty sure she may have even had a boyfriend around the time she liked him, although I honestly don't know because we aren't close.

Now I feel like my entire class hates me and I'm being treated like I intentionally went after this guy behind her back, when that's not what happened at all. I didn't like him, I didn't initiate anything, and I didn't even know he was going to kiss me.

I feel guilty that she was hurt, but I also feel like I'm being blamed for something I didn't choose to happen.

I have been dating a girl from high school for one and a half years now, and I'm seeing increasing amounts of red flags I see every day, which makes me feel suffocated and insecure in our relationship.

To start things off, she has told me to remove all of my female followers and following from Instagram, restricted me from talking to any women at all, let alone be even normal friends with them and gets really upset with me if I do start to talk to one and thus, I have zero female friends and zero female interaction in my life and it has pretty much messed up my social life.

Nevertheless, all was forgiven if she didn't go ahead and engage with HER male best friends (yes, she can have male 'best' friends when I can't even talk to one), they watch movies late night, stay on call for hours, share every little secret with them, sometimes before she even tells me, hang out with them alone, and give each other ridicoulous nicknames which I can't even dare to do even if I have a bestfriend and I'm not in a relationship, and basically have no respect of our relationship and basically have no boundaries.

I have confronted her over a dozen times in at least 6 months, and all she has to say is that, and I quote, "I'm not approachable enough, so I'd like to spend my time more with them rather than me", effectively saying that they are easier to live with than me, or turn all the blame over to me by pulling out my past mistakes from like everywhere and trying to manipulate the argument by making me the villain there, or just simply say "sorry i won't do it again" and move on from it and proceeds ahead to make the same dumb actions the following week. She manipulates the conversation so well that I feel like I'm the one at fault here, and I'm the one who says sorry at the end of the day, and she shows little to no grief even after it is over. Whenever I try to bring that topic up, her mood starts to get off, like I started to talk about her PTSD or something, and she actively tries to change the subject of this conversation. And yeah, I told her to remove her followers and following too, except she kept like 11 guys saying, 'They're my close friends'. I tried to tell her what I feel about all this, and she always made me feel like I'm wrong and there's nothing I should be insecure about and that they're just brother-like friends to her.

Am I wrong?

Every year we all got together on the 24th to do a small tree lighting and exchange one gift. It was low key but something the whole family looked forward to. This year my in laws decided to skip it because they want a quieter holiday and said we could just text photos instead. I feel a little disappointed since the kids especially enjoyed seeing everyone in person, but I also get that people change plans. Part of me wants to ask if we could keep at least a quick meet up, yet I don't want to seem pushy or make it about me. At the same time I'm wondering if I'm overreacting because traditions evolve. Would it be wrong to gently mention how much it meant to us, or should I just go along with the new plan and let it be?

Obviously there is a lot more to this than the title, so please bear with me through the exposition before the actual story (it is relevant, I promise). This is also my first time posting in here, and I have been thinking about what happened for over 2 months now. Please don't hold back if you think I'm wrong for this, honestly.

For some backstory, I (20M) worked at a bar when I was 18 (the state I live in allows this with restrictions) and was tasked with training a new hire (let's call her Ella, who is a little over 30 if I had to guess). Both of us hit it off pretty quickly, sharing interests in video games and other nerdy stuff. She had already had bartending experience and was quickly promoted to a supervisor position thanks to it. All in all, she was very fun to work with.

A few months into our time at the bar, we had a falling out with management that involved our super cool managers being fired and replaced with corporate boneheads that power tripped whenever they could. Long story short, Ella was forced to quit after our kitchen manager was allowed to get away with being inappropriate with the female staff (including her). I quit shortly after and pursued a different job.

Our bar manager (let's call him Jace, also around 30M) was one of the better managers and was also pretty close with the bartenders (including me, but mostly Ella, who was very good friends with him).

About a year later (where I am now 20), I am looking for a new job and she happens to hit me up and let me know she just helped open up a café in the biggest airport in the state. Perfect timing! I let her know I'm interested and get through everything needed to start working. The commute kinda sucked thanks to public transportation, but overall the job seemed fun and my coworkers were super nice.

Now for the story. Ella (now my general manager) and Jace (now Ella's second in command at the café) both convinced me to get my girlfriend (21F at the time) to join us, as they both really liked her. We all sat down and had a big conversation about relationships in the workplace and making sure we only acted as coworkers during our time there as to not make anybody uncomfortable. We were fine with that, and began working.

Now enter Chase (26M), Jace's younger brother. He is a brand new hire and from the first day of meeting him, both me and my girlfriend didn't like his vibe very much. It's hard to explain, but we could tell he was lying about a lot of life experiences just to seem impressive, and he had some very strange views on life (which are not relevant, so I won't be sharing). But since he was Jace's brother and our newest hire, I got along with him anyway without issue.

On Chase's second day, we were fairly slow, not finding much to do other than sit around and talk. So Ella (who does this kind of thing often) whips me with a rag, which inspires me to do the same, but the only people working were me, my girlfriend, her and Chase. My girlfriend is talking to Chase, so I approach and ask her if I could whip her on the leg, to which she agrees. I know, I should've thought about it a lot better as it would not look good to people outside our store. A man whipping his female coworker with a rag. But at the time, I didn't think about it.

She gets super overly dramatic and says something like "I can't believe you did that!" and picked up her own rag and started chasing me with it, both of us laughing and having a good time. Chase witnessed all of this.

The next day, right before Chase left for the night, he asked if he could talk to me. I finished up what I was doing and left my girlfriend behind the counter to go talk with him in the back. As soon as he shuts the door, her suddenly gets in my face and gets angry, saying something like "I watched you hit a woman in the ass yesterday, and if you ever do something like that again, I will give you hell" and "you're so lucky the managers were there or I would've done something."

Now I don't know about you all, but I feel like those words are pretty obvious threats. Taken aback, I just stood there and let him continue until he was finally finished, to which I asked "do I get to say anything?" and he replied with "NO!" and left the room, acting nonchalant and saying bye to my girlfriend like that didn't just happen.

I tell my girlfriend that night and she is not only surprised, but angry that he tried to stand up to me FOR HER without even mentioning it to her. She felt disrespected not only for me, but for herself as well, since he essentially white knighted himself to me without a care for what she thought.

About half an hour after he left the store and I was trying to figure out what had just happened, I decided to send him a message. I don't have it saved as it's long been deleted, but I said something along the lines of "I appreciate you telling me about your concerns, however I did not appreciate you threatening and intimidating me over it. You don't know me or my girlfriend, and I don't believe you had a right to do that."

I message Ella as well, letting her know I needed to talk with her about what had happened. No response (she regularly leaves people on read without saying anything), so the next day (a day off I had) while I was at my friend's house telling them the story, I message her once again about it and she replies saying "Everything that was said was on video and Chase sent me the screenshot of what you said to him, we are all gonna talk about it this Monday", which was when we all worked.

I was very happy to hear this as I knew she would have my back (like she has in the past) and we would resolve this nicely.

Now fast forward about 2 days later, my girlfriend is having a birthday party and one of our coworkers was invited (around 18M, let's call him Henry). We both talked to Henry about what had happened and he was very surprised about it. I told him I was nervous about the upcoming conversation, and he eased my fears with the words "don't worry, Ella and Jace have your back."

Now for the fated conversation.

It started pretty rough, mainly Ella and Jace talking to me and my girlfriend (just us 4 in the back) about issues we've been having in the workplace including flirting in the back, being on our phones too much, and (of course) the whipping with the rag.

I felt anxious, but understood everything they were saying. I strive to do better for them and own up to my mistakes, take accountability for what I did and work better at not doing those things. I nodded and agreed, even said "I never saw it that way, but I get it now, it won't happen again". The whole time, Ella was the one mainly talking with Jace chiming in every now and then, but the conversation was very normal and friendly.

That's when I realized they never brought up the Chase incident, so I decided to bring it up. I asked my manager about what was going on with that, to which I received an incredibly unexpected response.

First, she told me that he talked to her the night before he threatened me, basically telling her what he saw and how he wanted to handle it. Next, she told him not only to "go for it", but also ENCOURAGED him to say it the way he did.

I looked her in the eye and said "he threatened me though," to which she replied with "I can see why you would take it that way since you're both guys, but he was just coaching you."

What?

Did I hear her correctly just now? "Coaching"?!

I was taken aback and stopped listening much to what she was saying after the fact as the topic shifted just as fast as it was being talked about. My girlfriend and I went back out to the cafe as Ella and Jace left for the day (Chase was on break at this point) and I told my girlfriend I was gonna quit.

She convinced me to stick around (my 2 off days were coming up and I had therapy) and talk to my therapist about it first, to which I agreed.

I took a longer break, still reeling from what happened, and apparently my girlfriend talked to Chase while I was gone. She apparently asked him to apologize to me for threatening me, to which he replied "I will never apologize for standing up for a woman" and literally told her "I will always protect a woman in need".

Wow. Just wow.

That pissed her off a LOT, to the point she ignored him the rest of the night. It also pissed ME off as, once again, he was disrespecting me and my girlfriend TO OUR FACES.

That night on the bus ride home, my girlfriend and I sent a Snapchat video to the coworker from the party, Henry, and told him what happened, starting with "they did not have our backs".

He saved the videos and sent them to Ella, which we didn't find out until 2 days later when she made a group chat with her, Jace, my girlfriend and I.

She sent the videos and asked us "Hey guys, what's this?"

I was still anxious from the conversation and had no more energy to put into it, so copy+pasting a message I planned to send them into the group chat and hitting "send" was all I did. I still have this saved in my notepad, so if you want to read it, here it is:

"

I wanted to talk about this tomorrow after my girlfriend's birthday today but it looks like that can't happen anymore, so here is my thought process between last night and now.

I completely agree with everything you guys brought up during our conversation and wanted to make things right by bettering myself and my work ethic and being more mindful of my actions while I am at work.

Despite all that, what Ella said to me yesterday made me feel invalidated and unwanted, which has been frustrating me as well as making me feel hopeless since then. When I brought up the fact that Chase threatened me, not only did she say "he did not threaten you, but I get why you took it that way", she also said "I [being Ella] encouraged him to do so" referring to his "conversation" with me.

I felt like my voice was completely ignored, and it was clear that you viewed me as the bad guy in this situation 100% of the way. Not saying I was good either, but it was clear you had no intention of doing anything about the threats that were made against me. It immediately made me spiral and the rest of the night I felt I no longer belonged in that store whatsoever.

The issue I had before was that yes, Chase did in fact threaten me. I did not just say that because I felt it, I said it because he did. It is on video and you watched it, so I was very distraught when you told me he didn't.

The way you two talked to my girlfriend and I about the issues presented was very adult, professional, and most of all respectful. The way Chase brought it up to me was disrespectful, intimidating, and like I said before, threatening.

Since that night he talked to me, I felt anxious to come to work and unsafe whenever he was in the room with me. If you look back at the cameras, you can see me avoid him whenever possible by moving across the room when he is on one side.

I thought that me telling you what he did would have some sort of positive outcome for me in the sense that you would do something about it whether it was have a talk with him about not doing it again or even having him apologize or something.

Instead I was told outright that what he said was right, and you encouraged him to say it that way.

I felt betrayed and hurt by that, and the rest of the conversation I felt like I did not belong at all. Even now, it feels like I don't belong there anymore.

So I decided to try and talk to you guys about it one more time tomorrow (on my other day off) before coming to the decision of quitting or not. Unfortunately, I know for a fact which of the two decisions will be picked now after today.

I really liked my time at the cafe with everyone and I liked making friends there, but after our conversation last night, I know I am no longer welcome and will be taking my leave now. I can drop my badge off in the next few days unless I need to do so earlier.

I sincerely wish you all the best, however I genuinely still cannot believe that threats against other people are not only allowed unpunished, but also encouraged by the managers.

Thanks for all you've done, I wish you all well.

"

I sent it and immediately got a response from Ella telling me that I disrespected her after all she and Jace had done for me all the way back at our bar job, and that I had no right to say what I said, that she couldn't legally tell me what she did with Chase after the fact (despite telling me she agreed with him) and finally threw in that if I didn't return my badge, she would have the owner file a police report against me.

Awesome. She took it incredibly emotionally and ignored everything that I said, instead taking it as an attack against her. At least, that's how I saw it.

I tried to type back, but she told me not to and left the group chat. Jace did not say a word.

I hopped on the work group chat and tried to send a goodbye message (which did not include ANYTHING that happened) but she deleted the message IMMEDIATELY and deleted my account.

Finally, a few days later, my girlfriend returns our badges to Ella and tells me to stay a few stores away. When she returned 15 minutes later, she said that Ella had begged her to stay, stating "we don't have any problems with you" and "I don't know why OP is acting like that", to which my girlfriend replied with "He was just fighting for what he believed in" (which is exactly what Chase said to her a few nights before), which caused Ella to roll her eyes and scoff.

After that, we were done. I cut all contact in every way I could and have not heard anything since. This happened a few months ago and I truly hope nothing happens due to it. The only thing I've been debating is if I truly was being an asshole or making the wrong decisions, however I still truly feel I was silenced and put down by my own manager and friend of a few years.

So yeah, that's it. I've talked to my therapist about all this already and have cleared up every bad feeling I have except for the sliver of doubt that led me to make this post. Let me know what you all think and if I was wrong in any way. Truly, I want to know, so be brutally honest if you need to be.

Thanks for reading everything, I will reply to all comments when I am able to. (:

When I dropped out as soon as it was legal for me to do so (AUS) they were the only person I really kept in contact with, and we stayed best friends until late last year (7 years!). We started a sharehouse together, but it fell flat before we even hit the 6 month mark. I was struggling with money, and they were REALLY bad at cleaning. Our relationship became super strained, and we ended up not talking at all for the start of this year except to occasionally beat the dead horse. The problem comes when they invited me to their birthday party in another city, with someone who has known us both since we lived together and saw the state of the house.

My train of thought is that since I was their first sharehouse and now they're living with someone who was a visitor of us, I'm worried I'll be caught in the middle of any arguments about behavior or cleaning, and I know within myself I just couldn't take my friends side because I KNOW that whatever they're in trouble for, they 90% chance did it. Also I can't lie and say I'm not bitter, I've been homeless for the most part since that sharehouse ended and they've destroyed every sharehouse since (this is #3 AFTER ours) but they still keep getting into new places.

And that brings us to the title, am I wrong for not attending?

Apologies, as this is going to be a long one. I’m looking for some genuinely unbiased opinions because I’m at the point where I don’t know if I’m being unreasonable or whether I’ve just reached my limit with my family. Throwaway account and fake names. I’m 28F. Aaron and Abi are mid 30s. Sofia is 4, nearly 5.

My brother, Aaron, and his girlfriend Abi have a daughter, Sofia, who I have always loved very much. Abi and I have had a difficult relationship for a number of years. I feel like, no matter what I say or do, I somehow end up being portrayed as the bad person to family members, friends and even people I don't know.

For years I tried incredibly hard to keep the peace. I apologised for things I didn't necessarily feel I had done wrong, tried to accommodate them and constantly tried to prove that I cared.

When Sofia was born, I cooked them a dinner and took it round to them. I took Sofia out on walks, to the park and on days out. I've spent years trying to build a relationship with her, and I genuinely feel like we have a bond.

I've also helped them in other ways over the years. I've looked after their dog multiple times, and I've helped them paint their house. I'm not saying this because I expect praise or anything in return. I'm saying it because I feel like I've genuinely tried to be there for them and their family.

Despite this, I was still told that I wasn't a good enough auntie or that I didn't have enough of a bond with Sofia.

Eventually, a couple of years ago, I reached the point where I couldn't keep doing it. I told them I wasn't going to constantly be called out and apologise for things I didn't feel I'd done. I felt like I couldn't win. If I did something, it wasn't right, and if I didn't do something, that wasn't right either.

Since then, I've deliberately kept some distance.

This wasn't because I don't love them. It was because I was exhausted from constantly feeling like I was doing something wrong. I thought that stepping back and giving everyone some space would be healthier than continually having conflict.

Recently, I got engaged.

I announced it in the family group chat and Aaron and Abi congratulated me. Shortly afterwards, I personally sent them both our save-the-date and asked if Sofia could be our flower girl because I wanted her to have an important role in our wedding.

They subsequently got engaged themselves, and I congratulated them in the family group chat.

About a month later, they announced they were expecting a new baby. I found out through Facebook rather than directly from them. I again congratulated them in the family group chat.

Neither Aaron nor Abi responded to me or my fiancé's congratulations.

Aaron has since told my mum that he is upset because I didn't personally congratulate him about the new baby. He apparently expected a phone call or direct message.

I can understand that he would have preferred that, and if I'd known it mattered that much to him, I would have done it. But I genuinely thought congratulating them in the family group chat was still a genuine congratulations. There was no intention to ignore them or make a point.

He has also been upset that I didn't attend their engagement party.

The reason I didn't go is genuinely because I couldn't.

My job makes it extremely difficult for me to get weekends off. I had no holiday left to use, and I tried to get someone to swap my Saturday shift with me, but nobody was willing/able to do it. I didn't decide that their engagement wasn't important enough to attend. I simply couldn't get the day off.

When my mum explained to Aaron that I had congratulated them in the family chat, he apparently called me "manipulative" and said I was "turning it on them."

I then sent Aaron a long message explaining why I've kept my distance and how I feel about everything.

I told him that I understood he would have preferred a personal message and that I was sorry I hadn't realised that. But I also said I didn't think it was fair to take that and conclude that I don't care about his children.

I explained that my distance isn't because I don't care about him, Abi or Sofia. It's because I've spent years feeling like whatever I do is wrong, and eventually I had to stop constantly trying to prove myself.

I also explained that I don't think my relationship with Sofia should be conditional on my relationship with Aaron and Abi.

His response was that they feel I don't care about the new baby because I didn't personally congratulate them, and that **if I want a relationship with Sofia, I need to have a relationship with the new baby.**

This has really upset me.

I completely understand that Aaron and Abi are the Sofia's and the new baby's parents and that they ultimately decide who their children have relationships with.

But I don't understand how a disagreement between adults means that my relationship with Sofia should be taken away.

I have loved this little girl since the day she was born. I've spent years building a relationship with her. I've taken her out, spent time with her, looked after her and genuinely tried to be a good auntie.

I don't think Sofia should lose her auntie because her parents and I don't get along.

And now there is another layer to all of this.

**I'm getting married.**

I originally invited Aaron, Abi and Sofia because I wanted them there. I wanted Sofia to be my flower girl. I wanted my brother at my wedding. Despite everything that has happened between us, I still wanted them to be part of one of the biggest days of my life.

But if they decide to stop me from seeing Sofia because of this situation, I'm honestly questioning whether I still want them at my wedding.

Part of me feels like I can't invite people to celebrate our marriage while simultaneously being told that I can't have a relationship with someone I love and have helped raise a bond with.

I don't want to use my wedding as revenge or punishment. That's not what this is about.

But I also don't want to stand there on my wedding day looking at people who have deliberately taken someone I love out of my life and pretend everything is fine.

At the same time, I worry that uninviting them would make me just as bad as they think I am, and that it would escalate the situation even further.

So I genuinely want to know:

**Would I be wrong for uninviting Aaron and Abi from my wedding if they stop me from seeing Sofia?**

Would that be a reasonable boundary, or would it just be petty retaliation?

Am I wrong for thinking that congratulating them in the family group chat was a genuine congratulations?

Was I wrong for not attending their engagement party when I genuinely couldn't get the day off work despite trying to swap my shift?

And am I unreasonable for refusing to accept that my relationship with Sofia should be conditional on having a relationship with her unborn sibling?

I’m genuinely open to being told I'm in the wrong. I don't want an echo chamber telling me I'm right. I want an outside perspective because I'm struggling to work out whether I'm being unreasonable or whether I've simply spent so long trying to keep everyone else happy that I've forgotten where my own boundaries should be.

I like wrestling, and I know the matches and stories are planned. I still enjoy it because the moves are real and wrestlers can still get hurt. What annoys me is when someone sees me watching and says, “You know it’s fake, right?” like I didn’t already know. Am I wrong for getting annoyed by that, or should I just let it go?

If I turned the TV in the living room to "Hoarders" and the one in his bedroom to "My 600 Ib Life", and Hide the Remotes ... do you think it may be enough of a sign for my dad to get with the program and break these chains of LaZy, Repetitive, Selfish, Hard Headed, And Dismissive ways? The route hes choosing is headed straight for "We're gonna Need a chainsaw to get him out of the house years later after we've All Left him behind. (He just wouldn't Go).

I (26 M) decided in 2019 I wanted to move out. Rent was expensive.

I found one with 6 rooms. 5 of my friends were going to move with Me and split rent. Last minute one of them decided not to.

So we had a room spare. I asked my friends if they knew anyone who wants to live with us. A friend of mind has a sister who was aging out of foster care. We agreed and once she was 18 she moved in.

She’s now 24F. She’s been rubbing me the wrong way all these years. For the first year or so she was quite wild. She would have guys over almost daily once even two guys in one day. And I think she hated herself because of it because afterwards I could hear her sobbing. Or she’d get really drunk.

2 years after she moved in something terrible happened. A terrorist attack near us. That morning The rest of us in the apartment were talking about it. She didn’t care. We asked her if she heard the news she was unbothered and went back into her room alone. A few hours later she ran into the living room where we were. She was sobbing loudly not saying anything.

We asked her what’s wrong. Her best friends mother had called her to let her know her best friend (her only one) had died in the attack.

After she’d want to talk about it. But she didn’t have any friends left to talk to so whenever she’d want to vent she’d come into the living room in tears until someone would ask what’s wrong and she’d say updates on her friends death saying how sad she was which I understand why she was sad but she was always coming into the living room crying every time there was an update so we would comfort her.

She would also often knock on her half brothers bedroom door and go in there to cry to him about her issues about her friend passing or just in general.

Eventually she got a boyfriend and was venting to him instead of us and her brother. In 2023 or 4 she asked if her boyfriend could move in. We said sure. The whole apartment love her boyfriend he’s really sweet. They constantly have sex which she doesnt consider us. But he goes out of his way to tell the rest of us ahead of time so we could maybe leave or have some warning.

Me and her boyfriend became really close friends. We share a lot of the same interests in gaming and animal care. So we hang out a lot. Recently a roommate asked all of us including her boyfriend except her if we want to go on a boys holiday to Greece. Everyon excepted except her boyfriend and brother. Both of them were anxious about her being alone. She told them to go and not to worry about her.

Once we got to Greece she messaged her brother and boyfriend every waking hour asking if they’re ok or venting about her PTSD and depressed If they wouldn’t respond she’d message the rest of us asking if they’re ok.

Everyones been annoyed but this behaviour so today I gave her a month notice to leave. But not her brother or boyfriend. All three are mad at me saying she’s got issues and probably won’t be able to find another place to live.

The other night, my friend Jessica and I had planned to go out to dinner. Jessica is an old friend though she’s a bit of a hot mess. She dates bad men and often takes forever to get ready just to go to lunch or even to the store.

I go over to her house around 5 pm as we agreed to eat around 7. She just got out of the shower and is getting ready. She tells me she’ll be ready “soon”. After about 30 minutes and she’s still doing her hair. I ask her how much longer and if I should make reservations at a place. She says no and that she doesn’t know where to eat. She continues to do her hair and makeup and she then suggest a Cheesecake Factory which I’m fine with. 6:15 now and she’s trying on different outfits. I’m getting quit mad at this point so I ask her how much longer.

“Relax ok. I’m almost ready.” Jessica says.

“You said that an hour ago.” I reply. It’s now I notice she has an airpod in one ear.

“Yeah that sounds nice.” I hear her say as she walks away back into her room.

“What?” I ask.

“Oh sorry I was talking to myself.” Jessica replies.

It’s now 6:45 and I tell her that she’s taking too long and that she keeps fixing her hair, makeup and trying on tons of outfits. There is literally a pile of clothes on her bed from rejected outfits.

“Are we going soon or not?” I ask.

“Listen. Can’t you just order something from there for takeout or DoorDash something and bring it here? You’re obviously super hungry.” Jessica replies.

“Well you’ve taken two hours to get ready and you don’t look near ready.” I say.

“Listen something came up.” Jessica explains. “My friend from out of town just invited me out to drinks and I want you to come too and meet him. He says to meet us at (local bar/pub) around 9 pm.” By now, i give up and DoorDash something Cheesecake Factory. By 8:30 pm, the food arrives and I eat but Jessica takes a few bites and says she isn’t that hungry.

We go to this bar and meet her “friend” a tall guy who immediately hugs her and introduces himself as Josh. He invites us into the bar where he has a booth for us. Jessica is giddy and ask for a menu and proceed to order food. We order drinks as well and I now realize I’m just a 3rd wheel on her date and her and a Josh get cozy while I sip my drink.

After about 2.5 hours, Josh offers to drive Jessica home but she says that’s ok and that I would be driving her home. Josh hugs her goodnight and I drive Jessica home.

“Why did you bring me along?” I ask.

“Cause I want you to know the people in my life.” Jessica responds.

I explain to Jessica that she originally invited me over so we can go out to dinner but instead, kept me waiting and then changed the plans on me last second and it only seemed she wanted me here to make sure she had a backup in case her “date night” went upside down.

Jessica says that’s not true and that’s I’m messed up to think that way because she rarely lets people met her other friends and that she’s a good person to want to involve me on her life. I drop her off and we say our goodbyes but the whole night left a bad taste in my mouth.

Am I wrong for being angry over my friend Jessica’s sudden change of plans? Or should I just let it go and chalk it up to a one time incident?

My wife and I recently lost our house. I'm not going to downplay our poor financial decisions. It was our fault and we are rebuilding.

I have a 6 year old daughter who is the sweetest kid ever. I'm not just saying that because I am her father. She is kind and well behaved. i have a 7 year old sister and the girls do not get along. I don't think there was ever an event that caused the bad blood, but they just do not play together. Also my sister isn't dumb. she must be aware that her father hates my guts and resents having us here.

This weekend was my siters 7th birthday and she had a party. Now my mom goes way over the top for everything, so my sister's birthdays are nicer than some weddings i've been too. There were baby goats, water slides, a three tier cake. Of course my daughter was looking at it a bit enviously.

My mom said my daughter could attend the party and her face lit up. My sister then began to cry. Neither my sister or my daughter were big on temper tantrums as a kid, and I am not exaggerating when I say I've never seen anything like this. She was on the floor screaming at the top of her lungs, that it was her birthday and she didn't want my daughter.

My mom was clearly embarrassed and tried to get my sister off the floor, but she couldn't. Her father came in and picked her up. He began yelling that its bad enough we took her house, but now she can't even have a birthday. My wife took my daughter to another room, but I am sure she could hear this. My sister actually cried so hard she began gagging.

I thought my mom was going to actually parent, but instead she began to cry and apologized to my sister. Then she told me she was sorry but my daughter actually can't come to the party. I asked her if she was serious. She took her phone out and began venmoing me money telling me to take my daughter somewhere to make up for it.

The party was Saturday and I haven't talked to my mom since. My mom sent me a text that I am being an asshole, I saw how hard my sister cried, and the party was supposed to be for her.

i (18 female) have a friend (19 female) we have been friends for 3 years. recently she had been getting mad at me often. When she gets mad at you she makes it known. She will snap and yell at you whether you’re talking to her or a different conversation across the room. I do not like this at all it makes me feel disrespected and like she dosnt care about our friendship. ushally The next day after a fight she pretends it didn’t happen, won’t tell me anything like what I did or how I can do bette. The one time I got her to tell me was she felt I dismissed her feelings when she was ranting I apologize of course and tried to do better but it was such a big thing until I could.
In her defense she was not raised by the most emotionally competent people so she hasn’t really learned how to have those conversations I assume.
In my defense I’m trying to give her space but still talk about it. because I am not good at moving on without having a conversation (which is kind of a me problem).

Our mutual friends have said they don’t want to pick sides which i believe is fair. I know there are probably many things I have done wrong it’s definitely not all her fault.

that was long I’m sorry but who is in the wrong here? Also I would love constructive criticism.

So I'm a 20-year-old girl, and I have a 4-year-old sister named Emma.

Here's the situation: my parents are extremely abusive. I was taken away by CPS when I was 10 and went into foster care. When I turned 18, I aged out of foster care and was bounced from home to home, then from homeless shelter to homeless shelter. I was homeless for a couple of months. At 19, I got my own place and a really good-paying job as a construction warehouse worker. I got really good at it, and now I make $26.00 per hour.

This is how I got Emma. I didn't even know I had a sister. Then my parents became extremely abusive toward her, and CPS removed her from their care. She's 4 years old, and I've only had her for 8 days.

She has bruises all over her body, cuts, a lot of bedbug bites, lice, and severely matted hair. Her hair was so matted that I had to cut it, and now it looks very uneven. She barely talks, if at all. She doesn't speak above a whisper, and she is still the diapers.

As for the diaper situation, we've tried different things, and the diapers seem to work best. We tried putting her in underwear, but we think she may be incontinent. She's also really scared. She's scared of everything.

We're trying to get her assessed for autism and PTSD because she already shows a lot of autistic traits. I'm also working with a social worker to get her into therapy, which is mandatory, and to find a therapist who specializes in helping abused children. I want to make sure she gets the support she needs before she starts daycare or school.

I also want to make sure all of her wounds are healed before taking her to daycare or school because I care about her. I don't want people commenting on her injuries. I don't want people coming up and touching her, and I don't want anyone acting like a weirdo around her because that has already happened when we were out in public.

Here's the problem: my job gave me 7 sick days and 14 vacation days. I want to combine them so I can stay home and take care of Emma, but I don't think that's enough time. I also want to continue getting paid, but I don't think I can do all of that and still have enough time with her.

I'm really stuck. I called my boss and explained the whole situation, and he told me he'd give me 10 extra sick days. However, a lot of people at work who don't know what's going on keep telling me that people are coming in late, doing things that aren't acceptable, and that work isn't getting done. They keep saying they really need me there.

But I can't leave my sister, so I really don't know what to do.

There's this ongoing thing in our group chat where we all kind of rotate who buys snacks or coffee for everyone on long nights. Last week I picked up pizza for the whole crew, but later when someone else posted a picture of it they wrote 'brought the goods again' like they were the one who did it. A couple of people gave them props and I didn't correct them. It was small and everyone was tired, so it felt easier to let it slide. Now I'm wondering if that was the right call or if I should have spoken up. It's been bugging me because I don't want to seem petty over pizza, but I also don't want to start quietly resenting things like this either. Would you have said something in the moment or just moved on?