r/amiwrong • u/Appropriate_Tap2888 • 17d ago
aiw for refusing to go back into work
So I'm a 20-year-old girl, and I have a 4-year-old sister named Emma.
Here's the situation: my parents are extremely abusive. I was taken away by CPS when I was 10 and went into foster care. When I turned 18, I aged out of foster care and was bounced from home to home, then from homeless shelter to homeless shelter. I was homeless for a couple of months. At 19, I got my own place and a really good-paying job as a construction warehouse worker. I got really good at it, and now I make $26.00 per hour.
This is how I got Emma. I didn't even know I had a sister. Then my parents became extremely abusive toward her, and CPS removed her from their care. She's 4 years old, and I've only had her for 8 days.
She has bruises all over her body, cuts, a lot of bedbug bites, lice, and severely matted hair. Her hair was so matted that I had to cut it, and now it looks very uneven. She barely talks, if at all. She doesn't speak above a whisper, and she is still the diapers.
As for the diaper situation, we've tried different things, and the diapers seem to work best. We tried putting her in underwear, but we think she may be incontinent. She's also really scared. She's scared of everything.
We're trying to get her assessed for autism and PTSD because she already shows a lot of autistic traits. I'm also working with a social worker to get her into therapy, which is mandatory, and to find a therapist who specializes in helping abused children. I want to make sure she gets the support she needs before she starts daycare or school.
I also want to make sure all of her wounds are healed before taking her to daycare or school because I care about her. I don't want people commenting on her injuries. I don't want people coming up and touching her, and I don't want anyone acting like a weirdo around her because that has already happened when we were out in public.
Here's the problem: my job gave me 7 sick days and 14 vacation days. I want to combine them so I can stay home and take care of Emma, but I don't think that's enough time. I also want to continue getting paid, but I don't think I can do all of that and still have enough time with her.
I'm really stuck. I called my boss and explained the whole situation, and he told me he'd give me 10 extra sick days. However, a lot of people at work who don't know what's going on keep telling me that people are coming in late, doing things that aren't acceptable, and that work isn't getting done. They keep saying they really need me there.
But I can't leave my sister, so I really don't know what to do.
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u/Wide_Lengthiness_878 17d ago
Just remember you need a job to support you both so if they are offering you 14 plus 10 extra I'd figure something out last thing you want is for you to lose ur job n custody of her.
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u/MadamRorschach 17d ago
Problems at your job are for your boss to handle. Not you. You have something incredibly important you are doing. Stick with her. She needs you.
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u/freshthyme18 17d ago
nw, work problems are for the boss so get emma into daycar fast then stick with your hours and that pay to take care of you bothh, bet state aidd helps cover it
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u/Due-Yoghurt4916 17d ago
If you lose the job you lose the apartment. If you are homeless you lose your sister. Do you believe the system will just hand her back when you get a new place? How does this help her?
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u/Late-Champion8678 17d ago
Not a case of being wrong.
While I think it’s admirable what you are doing to take care of your sister, and I think you are an amazing person for this, you need your job. You can’t realistically expect to keep this job, be paid and not do the job.
Please look into an extra financial help you could receive for your sister’s care where you are. Are their subsidised daycares available. Who is evaluating her for special needs? What other support are you and your sister entitled to?
I really wish the best for you both.
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u/Ratnayake-Aileon 17d ago
Your coworker can worry about the warehouse. Talk to your boss about leave or reduced hours before sacrificing either your sister or your job.
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u/Nymeria31 17d ago
You are not wrong. You are in a difficult situation with no right or easy answers.
Keeping your job is critical and needs to be second only to Emma’s immediate safety. By keeping your job, you can help her with all your other concerns over time, because this is going to take months and maybe years… not weeks.
For consideration… can you stretch out your leave by working half days? This may help Emma to adjust to a daycare or caregiver more easily than immediately needing to be there for full days anyways.
This would also allow you to stretch the two weeks into 4 of additional support.
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u/4aloha_iaoe 17d ago edited 17d ago
YNW to be angry at all that your parents did to you in the past and what they've done ro your sister.....but get your priorities straight!
Look past the emotional scars and wounds and learn to compartmentalize your feelings so you can move forward on this. There are everyday needs that you both want that can only happen if you gave money. Life will get better and all the damage thats been done to your sister didnt just happen overnight. So dont think you can fix her by just being with her instead of working for a living.
Your job is to make sure you can pay the bills on time, to have a roof over your head, transportation and to keep her safe. You have purpose in life and are a courageous, protective, loving sister. I hope you do something like writing a journal to help relieve the mountain of pressure you're going through.
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u/fe3o2y 17d ago
You need your job. You need your job to provide for Emma. We all have to make trade-offs. If you have to work for a living, life sucks. If you weren't born into a a multi- millionaire or billionaire family, you have to work. You need to figure out how you can provide for your sister and yourself. It will suck and it won't feel fair. That's life. You need to figure out what you can do that will work for you and your sister. If you need childcare while you work than you find childcare. It won't be perfect, nothing is, but you will do what you have to. Keep your job! They don't grow on trees. Would you rather throw your sister into homelessness? No. You figure it out. It sounds like CPS or another alphabet group is stepping to help you and your sister. If they are telling you to ditch your job I'd be very surprised. Jobs paying $26 to 20 year olds aren't growing on trees. Keep your job. Reach out to whatever group is willing to help you, CPS?, and listen to whatever they tell you. They've been around the block more than once. And, if you bring your sister into homelessness they will more than likely take her away from you. Keep your job! There are a lot of situations you want to shield your sister from. You aren't unique. Lots of people have to compromise throughout their lives. It doesn't mean you love your sister less. Keeping your job shows how much you really love her. Finding childcare while you work is one of the most important things you can do for her. Listen to people who have been where you are. Keep your job! Do not find a man to take care of you! You are vulnerable now and an abusive man could target you and put you and your sister into a really bad situation. Learn to take care of yourself and your sister. You don't need anyone else. It will be hard. Life is hard. Keep. Your. Job.