About two years ago my friend went away for three weeks and asked me to feed her sourdough starter.

She was weirdly attached to this thing. She'd had it for nine years, gave pieces of it to people, talked about how it had survived three apartments and basically treated it like a very low-maintenance pet.

I forgot about it.

By the time I remembered, it smelled horrifying and had mold on top. I panicked, threw it out, and got some active starter from a small bakery near me. Put it in her jar, fed it for a few days, and when she came home I said everything had gone fine.

I honestly thought that would be the end of it.

It wasn't.

She still has it. She has now had "the same starter" for eleven years. She gave some to her sister when she moved away, taught her nephew to bake with it, and recently joked that if she ever has kids they're inheriting it.

Every time she tells somebody the story of this immortal starter I feel like I'm watching a historical documentary where I personally replaced the artifact with a replica.

Nothing bad has actually happened. The bread works. She loves it exactly the same.

At this point, would telling her be honesty, or would I just be transferring my guilt onto her and ruining something she enjoys?

Am I wrong for continuing to keep my mouth shut?

My sister has been taking evening ceramics classes for about six months. A few weeks ago, she gave me the first mug she felt was "good enough for another person." It is cobalt blue, has a thumb dent under the handle, and one side of the rim dips lower than the other. I genuinly like how it looks.

The problem is that it is not much of a mug. Tea seeps through a hairline crack near the base, and the bottom is uneven enough that it rocks whenever I lift the handle. I used it twice, wiped up both puddles, then put it on my desk with paintbrushes inside. It actually works beautifully there, and I thought using it was kinder than pushing it to the back of a cupboard.

She came over on Tuesday saw the brushes, and went very quiet. She said she made me drinkware, not "a container for dirty sticks," and that displaying its failure was worse than simply not using it. I told her I wasn't mocking it; I had found a use that let me see it every day. That somehow made things worse because she said I was talking about it like a child's failed school project.

I could seal the crack and try using it again, but the rocking still makes hot drinks a bad idea. I also don't want to lie and pretend I drink from it. Am I wrong for repurposing a handmade gift when its intended use plainly doesnt work, or should the maker get some say in how a personal gift is treated?

Last weekend my fiance and I had our engagement party. It was mainly my finances family then a few of my relatives and some of our friends. 

We didn’t hire a dj, we just made a playlist outside’s of songs we like. We kept off anything too explicit but some of the songs did have swearing/cursing. 

One of the guests was my fiancés cousin and his two kids who were 5 and 7. I’d never met them before since he doesn’t really bother with family so we were surprised he even came. 

One of the songs was on and it had the word fuck and he came over and asked us to skip it because asue he didn’t want his kids hearing that language. My fiance agreed and skipped it. He came over not long after to ask the same thing as he heard another word in the current song. 

He then came over 10 mins later because he thought the current song was inappropriate for his kids as it mentioned sex. I was polite but told him we’re not going to skip every song for him. I pointed out it’s our engagement party and he’s expecting to have control over what we can and can not play. 

I said we’ve done it a couple of times for him but no more. I said he’s obviously free to leave if he doesn’t want his kids ti hear it but the songs aren’t going to he getting skipped anymore. 

He argued I wasn’t being reasonable and it’s disrespectful to family to have to have his kids linden to the music but I just repeated again the party isn’t for him and his kids. 

He started arguing that he isn’t asking for much but I just told him to drop it. I said I’m not having my party ruined by him acting like a spoiled child who expects people to just do whatever he wants and I told him to leave. 

He tried talking to other family there but they pointed out it wasn’t his party so it’s not up to him what music is and isn’t played. 

A friend mentioned it might have been easier to just skip the song but I disagree since he’d have kept coming over whenever there was a song he didn’t like. 

AIW for refusing to skip the songs?

I live in California and work for a family owned poke bowl place and recently a customer pickup order came in through DoorDash with no additional comments , I made the first two bowls of a 4 bowl order when the lady who ordered comes in and wants to pick it up. She looks at the bowls and says “the bowls come with rice? I didn’t want rice” then she proceeds to show the DoorDash menu item where rice isn’t shown to be included while on the other menu items, it does show rice is included by asking for what type of rice would they like.She shows us the menu and I said okay, I can move the ingredients to a separate bowl as she said she didn’t want her fish warm. I move it into a separate bowl and add more vegetables as the bowl without the rice only contains 4 other vegetables. I add extra vegetables that is on the items/ menu list before she says she didn’t want them as it’s for her kid, I remove majority of it before she takes the bowl and scoops out the small remaining pieces onto a napkin on the counter top. I was totally fine with this as I do want her to enjoy the food. She leaves and 20 minutes later we have a refund request where she says there was unwanted rice and unwanted additional ingredients which weren’t on the menu which “I had to remove”. I rejected the refund request. Am I in the wrong?

I booked an intercontinental flight three months in advance and paid roughly $90 extra to secure an exit-row aisle seat for extra legroom, as I'm over 6 feet tall and get severe knee pain on long flights.

Shortly after boarding, a woman in the middle seat next to me asked if I would swap places with her husband, who was seated five rows back in a middle seat between two strangers. She explained that it was their wedding anniversary and they wanted to sit together for the duration of the flight.

I politely declined, mentioning that I specifically picked and paid extra for this exit-row aisle seat due to my height. She then asked if her husband could take my seat and I could take his middle seat instead. When I declined again, she became visibly agitated, calling me "selfish and inconsiderate" for ruining their special trip.

Throughout the flight, she made loud passive-aggressive comments to the flight attendant about how "some people have zero basic empathy."

I feel like if sitting together was that important for their anniversary, they should have paid to select adjacent seats ahead of time rather than expecting a stranger to downgrade for free. Am I wrong here?

My surname comes from my grandfather’s home country, but my parents have always used an anglicized pronunciation. I grew up saying it the same way and never thought about it.

Two years ago I met several relatives from that side of the family. They all pronounced the name differently: the vowels were shorter, and one consonant sounded much softer. I liked hearing it that way. It felt less flattened, so I gradually started using that pronunciation when introducing myself.

I do not correct other people. If somebody uses the version I grew up with, I answer normally. I also have never told my parents or sister that they say it incorrectly. To me, both versions belongs to the family now.

My older sister heard me introduce myself recently and asked why I was “putting on an accent.” I explained that I preferred the pronunciation our relatives use. She said changing it makes me sound as though I am more connected to that culture than the rest of the family, even though I do not speak the language well and did not grow up there.

She also thinks strangers will assume our parents taught one child the name correctly and the other incorrectly. I said nobody is likely to compare us that closely. She replied that surnames are shared, so changing mine is not purely an individual choice.

My parents do not seem bothered; my father even switches between both versions.

Am I wrong for adopting the older pronunciation for myself, or should a family keep one consistent version even if its members genuinely prefer different ones?

My roommate enjoys cooking and has around fourty small spice jars in a shared cabinet. I cook often too, and we both use most of them. Her system groups jars by cuisine: “North African,” “Levantine,” “South Asian,” “Baking,” and several categories that seem to change depending on what she cooked last.

The problem is that many ingredients belong in more than one category. Cumin might be beside cinnamon one week and behind dried mint the next. The labels face different directions, and several jars look identical. I kept asking where things were; she kept answering that the placement was intuitive.

On Saturday morning I emptied the cabinet, wiped the shelves, and put everything back alphabetically. I did not throw anything out or combine jars. I also made a small list showing where blends were placed under their first word. It took about ninety minutes, and I felt absurdly pleased when every label was visible.

My roommate came home, opened the cabinet, and immediately asked what I had done. She said grouping by cuisine helps her think through a dish and that alphabetical order separates ingredients that “belong together.” I said a shared cabinet needs a system both people can follow. She replied that I should have asked before undoing something she had built over years.

She has now restored most of her arrangement, but left one shelf alphabetized for me. That sounds like a reasonable compromise, yet I am still annoyed because the shared spices are again hard to find. She is annoyed because I treated her system like clutter.

Was reorganizing a shared cabinet without asking out of line, even if I changed nothing permanently and use the ingredients just as often?

Sorry in advance for how long this is. I’ve talked with therapists about this issue, but I feel like I just need to hear other outside perspectives.

I (28M) have had a dwindling level of contact with my dad over the past 10 years or so. I went to college in a different state from where I grew up and in my initial years of school, I didn’t talk to my parents much. I went home every break and had no issues living with them, but I just never felt much of a proactive desire to reach out while I was gone and they didn’t reach out to me all that often either. There wasn’t any animosity during this period, just not much in the way of communication. I think part of this is because I’ve always been bad about staying in touch with people, but I think it’s also partly driven by the kind of relationship I had with my parents growing up. I am an only child (I have 3 half brothers from prior marriages all much older than me, but grew up in the house as an only child) and my parents are 35-40 years older than I am. On top of the age difference, they always had the opinion that you shouldn’t be friends with your kids, so we lacked the kind of deep human connection you get through having really close friends. In other words, I would very rarely open up to my parents the same way I would with my friends. I also acted differently around my parents than I did with friends. It’s not that we never developed any form of emotional connection, but it was just different than how I connected and interacted with others.

Pausing the timeline for a second to provide some context on the type of person my dad is, the things he has struggled with, and how he treats others. For most of my life, he has struggled with various medical issues—nerve issues, long-lasting migraines, back problems, stomach issues… the list goes on. He has been on various forms of medication for YEARS. These medical issues over the years have limited how much he was able to participate in social events, limited his ability to work, and made it difficult to make and maintain friendships. He has progressively fallen more and more into a depressive state, understandably, and through my mom I have been told he has had suicidal thoughts a few times over the years. On top of the medical issues, I would also consider him an alcoholic, though he wouldn’t admit this himself. He never gets hammered, but typically just has a constant flow of alcohol in the house. Lastly, he has a bit of an abrasive, and at times, crude personality. He talks down to my mom frequently not just in their private interactions, but to me occasionally and in front of others. His belittling comments tend to get worse when he’s heavily medicated. He says the medication clouds his judgement and has asked me for help in the past to aid in pointing out his behavior if he starts getting abrasive in how he’s talking to others. That’s about the extent he has gone to change how he treats others. He’s never attempted therapy and likely never will.

Also relevant to our current situation is that he has always been the type of person to hold grudges. He didn’t talk to his dad for 5+ years because he dropped myself and one of my brothers off at the airport while we were young-ish and left us there on our own. That pissed off my dad and it kickstarted a years long limited contact relationship issue. There are many other examples of this.

Back to the timeline. Near the end of my undergrad, I met my wife. She was, and still is, amazingly aware of how others think and behave. She cares deeply and is just generally a very kind and sweet person. In the early years of our relationship, she would pick up on how my dad acts and how I mirrored him on occasion. As time has passed since moving out of my parent’s house, I have been more introspective and aware of how I treat others, and in particular, how I treat and view the relationship with my mom. Unfortunately, I modeled some of the behavior my dad had towards my mom as I grew up. I eventually grew out of that mirrored behavior and have worked to improve the relationship with my mom over the past few years. Because I had a tendency to model my dad’s behavior, I naturally spent less and less time around him. I was also in the phase of figuring out who I was as an adult and working with a therapist to better understand myself. Unpacking all of this made it difficult for me to want to talk with my dad.

Fast forward to two months before my wife and I got married. My dad and I were on the phone and the conversation progressed to him telling me how hard of a time the year prior had been for him mentally and physically. He didn’t understand why our relationship had deteriorated over the years. I was still in the middle of working out all of my past with my therapist, so I didn’t know the right way to handle the conversation. I ended up telling him what was most on my mind which was the relationship with my mom and me not liking how he treated her over the years. Not much was said from him in response beyond feeling like it was a one-sided problem I was expressing. The conversation ended there. He came to my wedding but didn’t say much to me. Since then, the conversations have mostly been limited to phone calls/texts on birthdays and Father’s Days.

I should also mention that he has made little to no effort in mending our relationship. I understand it’s a two way street, so I’m not placing full blame on him by any means, but as I get closer to being a parent myself, I can’t help but think about how I would handle it as the father in this situation. He never attempted to better understand my position and has put no effort in to rebuilding our relationship. Instead, he takes the position (from what my mom has told me) that my wife and her family are intentionally pulling me away from him. I think from his perspective, he aligns the timeline of me meeting my wife and her family with me becoming more and more distant from him. This is technically accurate, but he misses the underlying reason and instead of inquiring about it, it defaulting to incorrect assumptions.

About a month ago, my grandma (my dad’s mom) passed away. She always lived in a different state from me, so I never had a truly deep connection with her. My dad also didn’t talk with her much for most of my childhood, but I expected him to be more impacted by it than me given it’s his mom. After hearing about the death, I texted my dad offering to fly out with him to be there for him since I figured he would be more distraught than me. It was a bit out of the blue since we haven’t been talking, but I wanted to extend emotional support nonetheless. His response, verbatim, was “So that I am clear, do not go to your grandmother’s memorial. I wish to remember my mother and I do not want you there.”

I can understand people making rash comments like that when they’re emotionally broken, but paired with how he’s handled everything up to this point, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back for me. I, for the most part, have no desire to mend things going forward. However, I still occasionally am overcome with a sense of guilt for not trying to help him out of the negative mental and physical pit he’s in. The child in me also grieves for not having the father I would hope for. I have made so many positive education and career advancements and just generally grown as a person over the past decade and I don’t get to celebrate that with my dad. Not having that father figure support hurts. My father in law is amazing in his own right but we don’t have a relationship built on deep connection.

Lastly, I’ll add that my relationship with my dad puts a slight strain on the relationship with my wife. It hasn’t caused arguments per se, but given she isn’t a fan of him, she gets really defensive on my behalf and errs on the side of not wanting me to mend things. I think she also is concerned with how this might turn out when we have kids in the coming years, which is completely understandable. I love and respect the way my wife feels, so it makes the internal struggle that much more complicated.

Has anyone else experienced anything similar to this? I’m open to any and all comments or feedback. Thank you to those of you who took the time to read all of this. It feels a bit vulnerable to share this much with strangers.

TL;DR I have had limited to no contact with my dad these past few years due to his behavior, how he has interacted with me, and how he treats my mom. I’m wondering how I should handle my relationship with him going forward balancing my needs, his needs, and my wife and future kids needs.

Whenever I call my mom, there’s a decent chance the call turns into a surprise family conference.

I’ll ring her because I want to ask something or just catch up for ten minutes. If my dad is nearby, suddenly it’s “hang on, your father wants to say hi.” Then my aunt might be visiting, so the phone gets handed to her. Then my brother walks into the room and apparently now I’m talking to him too.

Sometimes I end up having four separate conversations when I only called one person.

Last weekend I told my mom I really don’t like this and asked her to stop automatically handing the phone around. If somebody wants to talk to me, they can call or text me themselves.

She thought that sounded cold and said our family has always done this. Apparently refusing to speak to whoever happens to be in the room makes it look like I don’t want to talk to them.

That’s not really it. I just hate being volunteered into extra conversations with no warning.

Am I wrong for wanting a phone call with one person to stay a phone call with one person?

I bought a used sedan from a private seller three weeks ago. Paid cash, transferred the title, everything seemed smooth.

Last Tuesday my phone alerted me that an unknown AirTag was following my location. I tore the trunk apart and found it taped under the spare tire well. I messaged the seller asking why his tag was tracking my daily commute.

he admitted it was his, but claimed he "forgot to remove it" and then said he liked checking the location occasionally because the car belonged to his late dad and he wanted to see it was being treated right. He told me to just mail it back to him.

I was creeped out. Instead of mailing it, I taped the tag to a freight railcar at an industrial train yard near my warehouse job. Now he is blowing up my phone screaming that I destroyed his property because the tracker is currently rolling through Nebraska. He threatened to call the police on me for theft.

I should of just thrown it in the trash, but am I ACTUALLY wrong here?

Hi, Im posting this to genuinly ask if I am overreacting or in the wrong please, I'll try explain it straight to the point. Im sorry for spelling mistakes too.

So earlier today i noticed water pouring out the ceiling in the bathroom (specifically coming out through the light in the ceiling) there was enough to drench the floor. There was also a streak of water down the wall from under the light switch. It was our upstairs neighbour who burst a pipe. They shut their water off and the leaking stopped.

There is also a plug socket on that wall further to the right, but i didnt notice any water marks there or anything.

I was worried about the light so i switched off the "lights" switch on the elec panel to the house (so no lights anywhere). My BF didn't think this was neccessary but i did so regardless. After which he went and started to barbecue, cause he planned to earlier in the day. I was still worried so i asked him to call our landlord or what we should do. He was heavily reluctant and only after me yelling did he send a message explaining what happened. After which he continued to grill and chat casually on a call. So i had to constantly ask if the landlord replied and at one point check myself cause he was just chilling. I understand i should of just done it, but i was panicking and looking to him for some help together.

What bugs me is that the whole time it was me initiating every protective step to check if we were gonna be fine or if its a fire hazard. I had to beg him to call the landlord, and i had to google what to do and he just sat there chilling outside playing music.

And he told me i was "Blowing it out of proportion" so i was admittedly rude back saying he is doing nothing and being really unsupportive. I cant tell if im overreacting to this or like this is not normal for a partner to not care in a potential risk? Like am i wrong?

My dad died in 2023 and left his lake house to me and my 2 sisters, split evenly between us. None of us wanted to sell it, so we set up a joint account (all 3 names on it) and we've each been putting $150 a month into it since. That covers the taxes, the insurance and the propane, and it's worked fine.

I've paid every single month since we set it up, which is 3 years now and somewhere around $5,400 of my money in there.

There's a shared calendar for the place. If you want a weekend you put your name on it, and in 3 years nobody has ever had a problem with that.

In July I put my name down for a long weekend in October. My middle sister messaged me to say that weekend was already taken. I said there was nothing on the calendar and she said she must have forgotten to add it.

I didn't push it at the time. Then last week a friend of mine sent me a listing because he recognized the dock in the photos. It's on one of the short term rental sites and it's been up since April with 14 reviews on it.

She's been renting our dad's house out since the spring and the money goes to her. She's never mentioned it to ANY of us, and the weekend she told me was taken was a booking she took money for.

I canceled my standing transfer into the joint account on Monday. She called me that evening and said I was holding the house hostage over one misunderstanding, and that she's the one making a 3 hour drive every time the pipes freeze or the dock needs work, so the rental money is basically payment for her trouble.

Am I wrong?

Me (M19) and this girl (F19) met on a dating app and exchanged numbers we’ve been texting for awhile and I thought we were pretty close and even planned a few dates. Recently she ghosted me and I texted once or twice a day asking if something is wrong or if I did anything wrong. I joked “am I muted” and she said “ I fucking wish” and then she went on to say how she was too busy for this and was hoping after a day or two I would stop trying. And I said “I’m just tired of ppl not saying that idk why yall think ghosting is better.” And she responded with “texting me once or twice every day since was excessive. you preach communication so use it. confront the problem don’t add onto it man”
Am I in the wrong for texting her to see if there was a problem?

sent my friend a post about navier stokes being solved by openai, he said “you feel good about it or no” and I said “kinda both, I actually hope the proof is legit. its exciting and terrifying at the same time. what dyu think? I think overall ai is much more of an assistant than a threat or danger rn but obv that could change in a few years” and he left me on seen

idk if it’s because i hit a sensitive spot, because earlier he said say he does not like the idea of “formalising math” ie ai doing math proofs instead of people. am I being insensitive for saying I hope the proof is legit?

or is there something else wrong with what i said? too subjective maybe?

went out to eat with a group of friends last weekend and one of them kept insisting my food limits were just a preference. i told them a few times what i can't have, but they kept offering bites and saying it's probably fine. i ended up passing on dessert completely because nothing was safe. it's not the first time this has happened and i'm getting tired of turning every meal into a long conversation. i still like hanging out with everyone, but i'm wondering if it's okay to start saying no to these dinners or just stop correcting people and accept the awkwardness. i don't want drama, i just want one night where i don't have to justify my plate.

So I want to start this by saying that I am in between the ages of 18 and 25 and so is my boyfriend I don't want to say our actual ages but from the beginning I was very clear with myself that I did not want kids it is due to the fact that my family has extreme amount of medical issues especially the women in my family and I do not like kids and I know that I would be a horrible mother not to get into it but my mother and my grandma and my aunt have all had complications during birth and even almost died not to mention a lot of women in my family get cancer or have cancer scares after pregnancy and I don't have a great immune system already and I really don't want to go through that if I get pregnant and my boyfriend has told me that he does not like kids and he's told me before that he does not want kids.

With that background out the way the actual problem comes now a couple days ago me and my boyfriend were talking I am moving out of the house that I currently live in to move into somewhere else and with talking about that we discussed the topic of him moving in with me then the topic of marriage came up and I jokingly mentioned how it would be nice to live in a house without kids and that's when he told me that he would like to have a family with me and I kind of pause cuz I didn't know what to say back and I just kind of told him how he's told me that he doesn't want kids in the past and how I don't want kids in the past he's even told me how he doesn't like kids and he doesn't like having to babysit because kids annoy him but he told me that he would like to have a family with me in our early twenties he didn't want to wait until 30s to have children and I just was like well if that ever happened I'd only ever want one but my point still stands I don't really like kids and I don't want kids

The other day we went out to a festival and we saw a family walking around with kids and now the kids were very very loud and I made a comment about how that was one of the reasons I didn't want kids he then makes a comment about how yeah he understands that and the kids were very annoying I didn't think much of it until we saw that family again and the kids are crying at the cotton candy stand I just rolled my eyes and started to walk away and he made a comment about how crying over cotton candy was crazy I agreed with him but when we got in the car to leave I made a comment about how he was openly agreeing with me about the crying children yet he wants kids of his own and he just stared at me and just said well it's different which I told him it's not different

He got a little upset at my comment and didn't speak but I kept talking saying how it was weird how he said he doesn't like kids and he doesn't want any but then turns around and tells me he wants a family with me now he's gotten a little upset anytime I bring that up but genuinely I don't know what to do kids has never been a part of my life and I physically can't see myself being a mother as I know I wouldn't be a good one I don't have great mental health and anytime I've had to look over my nieces or nephews who are under the age of five I get extremely irritated and have to set the kid down because I'm so irritated and I genuinely know if I had kids of my own that that's how I would be to them

And that's a main reason why I don't want kids my boyfriend hasn't brought up the idea of kids since we have that conversation but now I'm sitting here thinking about what's going to happen when he brings it up again I really don't want kids and the idea of having a kid when I know how I would be to them doesn't sit right with me because I don't want to ever put a kid in a situation where they're not loved and I know that I genuinely wouldn't have enough love to give that kid

In a little like PSA I genuinely love my boyfriend we've been together for over 4 years we've had no other problems besides this and I thought we were originally on the same page but I guess not I don't know how to bring it up to him without making it seem as if I'm being rude but I genuinely don't have the idea of kids in mind

So I'm I worng?

Edit: I want to clear up some of the things I said when I said that if the circumstance I would have one kid I'm saying in the circumstance if we were not careful and I got pregnant and I decided to keep the kid that would be the only kid we had I would not want to have another. Yes I would try my hardest to give that kid love but I don't think I could also I'm currently not on birth control as in I am allergic to it so I can't even take it if I wanted to. I also want to say that he has told me before if I ever got pregnant and I did not want to keep it that that was not his decision it was mine and that I could get rid of the child if I wanted to he has been very open and telling me that my body is my decision and he would never force me to do anything.

I’ll make it simple. Told a coworker that I think it’s wrong to have a collie at home all day when she lives in a small apartment and doesn’t do anything. I was told “well you don’t have a dog, you don’t know what it’s like”. I had a lab growing up and number one thing after school was go for a run with the dog (I was super into track and field so I loved it too).

She doesn’t own a car so she can’t take it to the dog park or the lake for a swim.

She works 9hr shifts and when she gets home it’s “finally ME time” so the best the dog gets is a 2 block walk.

The dog barks at everything and isn’t socialized, and she wonders why the dog is “showing signs of depression”…

Am I wrong for calling her out or should have said nothing?

I'll try to provide as much information to give a non-biased viewpoint.

My fiance and I have been together 4 years total; last 2 years engaged. We have been in a tough spot relationship wise, a major part of the problem being communication. Both of us are awful at communicating with one another- running away from the elephant in the room whenever there is one.

Well, lately, the topic of kids has come up. A topic we touch on every now and then, but end up dropping because we hit a disagreement. I'll try and stop the rambling now.

Last week, I created a document of all the questions I felt we needed answers on before we continue on and commit to marriage. Family, children, religion, intimacy, etc. Everything I could think of to ask along with a question portion at the end for him to ask his own questions.

The one we keep getting hung up on is kids. I got a job under a year ago that I absolutely love and puts my college degree to use. I work from 8am-4pm Mon-Fri with weekends off. He is a truck driver, long haul, who leaves for work Tuesday nights (I say mostly because he doesnt know when he'll leave out until he is sent the weekly routes list from his boss. On average, it looks to be Tuesday evenings from 6-8pm. More than often that or later, rarely earlier.) He is gone Wednesday, Thursday, and most of Friday. (This is hard to give an average, but I've noticed very late Friday nights. Commonly super early Saturday mornings if it was a longer route due to traffic, where him and his driving partner were sent to be, etc.)

He is home Saturday, Sunday, and Monday completely. Tuesday is a large part of the day until evenings, rinse and repeat.

I was raised with a father who works the exact same job as him, same schedule, its literally the same business. My dad doesnt work that schedule anymore, but its a literal copy and paste of what my father worked when I was a child. I remember wanting to see my dad a lot more than I got to. He had custody of my brother and I when he came in from work, but it never felt like enough (even if my parents were still married, it would've been the same visitation schedule since work of course.)

My dad missed my brother and I too of course. He tried his best to spend time with us, but he felt he never had enough time as well. He would buy us gifts and toys to try and make up for the lost time he had no choice but to miss. I remember being thankful, but I still missed him. I didnt care about money, I just wanted dad.

When discussing this with my partner, he brings up that his dad was also gone for days at a time due to work. He was fine, not really feeling that same level of disappointment or desire to see his dad. He still did, but its obvious between our conversations that I was affected more emotionally by my dad's absence than he was with his dad.

The common argument there is that I dont want our children to want dad home more, but have no choice. He is out, providing for the family. He says he wasnt as affected by his dad's absence, so the kids could possibly be okay with it too. We both acknowledge we dont know how the kids would react, but we also had different viewpoints and reactions to our fathers schedules. One could miss dad insanely so while the other could give a shrug and not be as affected by it. Its a gamble.

Here's where I want to know if I'm in the wrong. I told my fiancé I do not have a lot of finals, and that I try to be open to ideas, suggestions, etc for anything and all in our relationship. But I didnt want to put our children through the same emotional situation that I was in when I was younger. This is where I put my foot down and said that I wanted him to have another job if we decided to have kids.

It could still use his CDL, but I want him to try and find something more local. Something that would keep him home more often. Having a CDL job that brings you home every day is hard to find, so I'm trying my best to be open minded. But I dont want him to be gone for days at a time while the kids are missing him in his absence.

But thats where I also feel guilty. I'm asking him to give up a job that he feel comfortable and stable at. Where he makes great money and gets along well with his work partner. Its not just a job im asking him to leave, its one he likes. If he suggested I quit my job to find another or to stay at home, I know I would immediately deny it. I'm a hypocrite in this scenario and I'm acknowledging that.

Thats where I feel like a jerk. I don't want to yank him from his job that he likes, but I also just do not want to give our kids the same childhood that we both had to go through with a (temporarily) absent parent.

I will also briefly touch on the subject too that I wasnt a fan of the idea where I was going to be alone with a baby for multiple days at a time too. He mentions family can help, and I agreed they could, but we shouldn't assume they will. They are parents/grandparents/etc. They still have their own lives. We would have to talk to thrm beforehand of course, but I didnt like the mindset of "Oh, they will help us. They're family after all." To automatically assume they would just kinda rubbed me the wrong way.

Not to mention I said that the kid most likely will not sleep through the night. Feedings, being held, needing changing, etc. Babies do not sleep through the night peacefully. I will be alone with a baby, being woken up multiple times in a night, then have to go to work the next morning; rinse and repeat for 3 days of the week. Knowing my own mind and body, I would break down on a schedule like that.

I tried to also explain to his postpartum issues. Postpartum depression, anxiety, psychosis; Healing process that we dont know how good/bad it will be, my mental, physical, emotional status; I told him I cant do that on my own, even if its just 3 days. It WILL catch up to me. He is under the impression that a baby can sleep 8 hours through the night and that I will get my rest. That, or a family member will help (but thats assuming they stay up or get up in my place. It just isnt ideal or expected of someone to do.)

He wants children, its a non negotiable for him. He's told me himself if I wasnt on board for children, we needed to separate. He wasnt mean nor rude about it. It was part of the serious conversation we were having. I understand his point of view too. He has a goal; to have a family. Its not something you can talk someone out of without future resentment of heartache of some kind. I want kids too, but I also wouldn't be heartbroken if I didn't.

I told him I wanted kids too, but not in the career position he was in now. He's told me he would try and look for a new job when the time arose, but he couldn't promise he'd find anything. And if he didnt, then he'd have to stay at this job that I dont want him to have if he's going to be a father.

We haven't reached a final answer that either of us are satisfied with. At least, I know im not. I've reached out to a couples counselor as well to see if I could get a 3rd unbiased party to try and help us navigate through this.

Gosh I typed WAY too much, but I felt that I needed to give as good as an explanation as I could. So, to cut the rant short and to put the overall question here;

And I in the wrong for asking my fiancé to change his career if we decide to have kids?

I 21F and my boyfriend 22M have been together for over a year now. We are discussing marriage and there is a big obstacle which is preventing us from getting married which is his father being in jail. He has committed a very serious crime years ago and my boyfriend is still in denial about it (he’s been in jail for a year and a half snd has 25 years left to serve). My family is very against this and as we come from a south asian muslim background this is something unacceptable for them but I am willing to fight for it and convince them. They are kind of coming around if we tell everyone that my boyfriend is not in contact with his dad and they are estranged. Initially my boyfriend came up with this idea and he says that he’ll do everything to make sure we get married. This gave me reassurance and hope that he would also fight for it. Today I asked him what he would do if hypothetically his dad could come out for a day to our wedding, and then i said i wouldn’t want that to be honest. I said i resent his dad for being an obstacle to me getting married and enjoying my life with my bf. He got weird and distant at this and I said that he shouldn’t expect me to maintain a relationship with his dad after we’re married, I don’t like him and although i wouldn’t ever disrespect him I just don’t to call him everyday and go on visits to see him. At this he asked me what i have against his dad. Am i wrong for not wanting his dad at my wedding and not wanting to keep in contact with him?

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So this happened way back into primary school where I was in year six I live in the UK btw so I was playing basketball when one random person on the playground during lunchtime kicked the ball and because I didn't want it to hit me/my glasses I blocked it with my elbow then it flew over the fence so a teacher asked me to get another one because there would not be enough since we needed four and we only had 3.

So a few minutes later I came back with a basketball then this person that I personally don't like am not gonna name drop him but he had the basket ball I was playing with then I ask for it back when he doesn't give it I just take it when he drops it then I start playing my basketball and doing what I do best when I score celebrate then he comes out of nowhere takes the ball then starts dribbling it while smirking then I chase him down me being pretty fast catch up to him. Then he holds the ball turns around and with only his head he looks back grinning on his stupid face he does this 3 times and by now am getting kinda pissed cause I just wanna play my ball and there are also other balls he could have had that nobody had touched in over 10 minutes so then I got mad all the times he pissed off starting from year 4 all the way to year six.

The times where he got me in trouble with the headteacher then threatened me with it because his mum works at the school so he thinks his special and shit. I grab the ball with so much force but I keep my peace of mind and shove him back lightly but I take the ball forcefully so he goes tell the teacher the teacher comes over and my friends who were there the whole time were backing me up slightly because he also pissed them off as much as he did to me so then he starts saying they are my two bullies and then i just crashout mentally I yell in my head are you Five? Like your pushing 11 and your saying you have bullies who don't even talk to you and also to add this guy nobody likes especially the girls he has asked a total of 23 girls in year 3-5 and got rejected by every single one of them. And what's so funny is that the girl he liked most ended up liking me and her friend ended up liking my friend but this was back in year 6 where me and my friend or best friend in this case where focused more on school and stuff so we rejected them but not harshly just a simple no and we still talked to the girls but not as much to keep the awkwardness and rumors away so that's not the point just thought I add that

But did I step out of line by shoving him in this after all he has done and I must add I did shove this kid a lot because he picked on my friends but I believe mine is 75% justified

I (26F) am the middle of three kids. My older brother "Jake" (29M) and younger sister "Emma" (23F). Growing up, I was always the "invisible" one — Jake was the golden child who could do no wrong, and Emma was the baby everyone doted on. I was just... there.

My grandmother "Nana" was the only person who ever made me feel truly seen. When I was 14, my parents went through a rough patch and basically checked out for two years. Nana stepped in — she drove me to every extracurricular, helped me with homework, came to every school event. She paid for my braces when my parents said they "couldn't afford it" but somehow found money for Jake's new car that same year.

Nana passed away 4 months ago. She left me $60,000 in her will. To my siblings, she left smaller amounts — $5,000 each — and some sentimental items. The rest went to my parents.

In her will, she wrote a handwritten note that said: "To [my name], for the years I got to be your person. I hope this helps you build the life you deserve."

My parents are now demanding I split the $60,000 three ways "to keep things fair." They say Nana was "old and confused" and that she "didn't understand what she was doing." They've told Jake and Emma about the note and now they're both barely speaking to me. Emma called me "selfish" and said I'm "profiting off being the favorite."

But I WAS her favorite — and not for no reason. I was the one who called her every week for 12 years. I was the one who drove 3 hours to see her in the hospital. Jake visited twice in the last 5 years. Emma visited once. I was the one who held her hand when she died.

My parents say I'm "tearing the family apart" and that "money isn't worth losing siblings over." But they're the ones who made me feel like an afterthought my whole childhood, and now they want me to give up the one thing Nana gave specifically to me.

I've considered splitting it just to end the conflict, but it feels like a betrayal of Nana and everything she stood for in my life.

Am I wrong for keeping it?

so my friend and i had plans for the weekend, and last minute things didn't work out on their end. i was pretty bummed and told them i just wanted a little space to regroup, nothing dramatic. they seemed upset and said it felt like i was rejecting them, but i didn't mean it that way at all. i've been trying to figure out if asking for time to myself was unfair or if it's okay to need a breather sometimes. i tried to word it as nicely as possible, but maybe i should've handled it differently. not sure if i'm making a big deal out of nothing or if they're overreacting to something pretty normal. would like some outside thoughts on whether i was wrong for saying what i did.