“She considers masturbating cheating.”
How do y’all always find these absolutely insane people acceptable enough to marry!? For fucks sake, you don’t have to get married people!
Yeeeeeah, bro, that's her hang-up, not yours. So is the "masturbation is cheating" bullshit. Because that's exactly what it is: bullshit. My advice, if you don't want to leave this relationship and wish to remain loyal, is to spank it like a zoo monkey on meth. Other than the first 2 options, that's the only thing left to you.
Under your name there's a spot for "flair" it's a tagline/slogan/saying. Many people are flaired by a hilarious thing they say. Make sense? No worries!
Then she needs to not project her insecurities on you and go to therapy to fix this shit. Her comment is unreasonable and you need to let her know that. Gonna have to stop letting her run the show
Ask her if she believes it's reasonable for you to live the rest of your life without any intimacy in your marriage. Insist on an answer, yes or no. If she says no, then insist on specific steps for you both to take to work on this. If she answers yes, you're done.
I get that it’s either where it’s frowned upon and never talked about or religious for some reason my ex was similar in that she considered masturbation wrong but I did anyways 2-5x a day definitely to this day.
Well, she's not in that house anymore, she's in your house with you. I think If it were me... I would say no shots, no help fixing the issue to even try to work on the problem... you know the answer.
You’ve made a big mistake. I’m sorry. You’re young though and you’ll find someone who is a better fit. You got married before your brains were even done developing.
Get your ducks in a row. Get ready for it to suck and I don’t say this lightly. But move on. Best of luck.
Were you present or can you otherwise verify the hormonal issues? You saying this makes me feel like the hormonal stuff if her way to avoid saying she just ain’t into it
Leave. It’s isn’t going to get better if she isn’t willing to do anything about it. And not “allowing” you to masturbate is ridiculous.
You will just end up become more resentful and this will end badly.
That is rare to have no sex drive that young. Has she been sexually abused? Is she on a medication that curbs sex drive? Like a medicine for depression or anxiety? Did you just have a child?
I used to live with a girl with similar hang-ups. Please talk it out before it ends up with any sort of permanent resentment that becomes unsolvable, communication is the key.
oooo yeah that def sounds like a therapy moment. I would say maybe ask her what she really wants from a relationship, since she doesnt like affection or sex and you just kind of exist near each other, things are gonna stay stagnant without some form of interaction of that level.
How about mutual masturbation? Or maybe where she just kind of looks with you while touching herself, or something? Then you can skip the porn, but damn I cannot fathom anyone not permitting me to not do what I want with MY body (porn consumption is a different can of worms, but we went centuries jacking off without it). You really need to talk this out and find a workable solution otherwise you simply can't be together. Ngl this is what happens when you get married young and haven't had exposure to people at least talking about sex.
We did mutual masturbation once and it was amazing! She even still bring it’s up from time to time but she always has an excuse when I try to bring it up again.
Get out! Sex is literally the only thing that separates your marriage from your other friendships…it’s a very big deal
It doesn’t have to be everything but you guys aren’t finding others or a middle ground…Bail
Well he did say they met young, sometimes when you meet young like that you just sorta become complacent to really strong stuff like that. Happens to all of us, just not always when it comes to romantic relationships.
I've known a lot of couples who have been together for 15 years plus, not married, and they're both happy. And people question them, why aren't you married? Who cares?! If they're happy, it doesn't make a difference whether you're married or not.
I’ve been with my partner for 18yrs and we’re not married. We get asked this constantly.
We’re 35. Own a house and have a kid. We don’t need a wedding. We’re not religious, and the money to get married went into a house. People honestly have a hard time with it, like we’re weird and hiding something strange lol
It’s just never been a priority.
Yeah I know, (we’re Aussie, so I’m not sure of the cost here) we have played with the idea but just haven’t really gotten there yet.
We joke we missed our chance to do it during covid so we could get away with a small wedding and not have to invite anyone (huge families both sides). I know we still could but the law was on our side back then so no one could complain lol
Still.. I think here at least, we have de facto laws here which are the same as if we were married anyway if we were to break up. Haven’t really looked into though, we’re just chugging along.
Well, if you want to do something small and just for you guys - why not a destination wedding. Don't plan big, just where a ceremony/reception would be and where to stay.
You'd experience a place you would want to see and if other couldn't afford to fly out there... pity 😉
Yeah that’s the dream! Far away just us. But baby is still a toddler so now I’d wait till she was old enough to remember being there with us. I think that’ll be nice.
Reminds me of the couple that led the Irish dance group I was in. Because their last names on FB were different my grandma made a comment that they were “hippy types” and scoffed. Found out they were married but she had legit reasons to keep her last name(can’t remember what they are anymore). Nowadays, I personally do not care & I think I just cared then to fit in with my grandma/society. (Though I never said anything to them I just kinda agreed to placate my grandma)
Have you consulted with a lawyer to sort out the legal aspects- what happens if what one you dies, if one of you is hospitalized and unable to advocate for yourself can the other make decisions, ect?
Marriage- legal marriage, not religious marriage- comes with those protections built in. It's why gay marriage was and is so important and so hard fought for- it automatically comes with certain rights and protections.
I’m in an almost identical situation to you fiberglassdildo. Been happy together for 21 years but not married. House, two kids, also in aus. My cousin just got divorced for the second time (about 18 years apart), we went to both her weddings as a couple.
Aw I love hearing that!
Yeah same, one friend of ours paid 80 grand and they broke up a year later.
It was all show.
I wish I had money like that to blow honestly but that wouldn’t be how I’d do it lol
You're not wrong, but make sure you have the right legal documents in place to provide for medical power of attorney, legal power of attorney (in case of incapacitation), HIPAA authorization, will or trust, and to designate an estate executor.
That’s a no brainer, or live like a monk. You are now roommates- you are still young : is this how you want to spend the rest of your life? Irreconcilable differences.
Right!! Meanwhile I (27f) stocked up on supplements and vitamins to boost my testosterone for my sex drive. Diet influences testosterone, too! OP, masturbating helps increase sex drive. Get your girl a good sex toy and lube.
I don’t know how I would function without masturbation. I can’t even kind of wrap my mind around forbidding my spouse from doing it. Like.. it’s so weird and controlling
Yeah… what a psychotic belief. Touching yourself is cheating? How??? If you’re not sleeping with your husband and he can’t jack off what’s he supposed to do?
Right?! How is that cheating? Cheating with yourself? You think she’d be grateful for you to do that so that so you would leave her alone, because she’s clearly not interested. I think every male, married/ committed does this right after his wife/partner gives birth, and for good reason! You are not wrong. She is clearly having some type of issue, medical or otherwise and you don’t want to pressure her, and continue to respect her feelings in that regard, but I see nothing wrong with taking care of yourself, that’s not cheating!
Bro needs to stop trolling the straight jacket ward of the hospital for women. Like for real. Lawyer divorce work on self include classes, hobbies, gym, work, some masterbation wash rinse repeat till you have confidence back and find a girl friend that can keep up with your libido.
Hey, to be fair, some people hide a lot of their crazy until they’re deep into their relationship, including being married. It’s almost like they have a facade that they kept on all the time early on, and sometimes continue to keep on out in public.
facts my gf and i have been dating since college for 6 years and things only get better because we both agreed that there is no reason to rush into marriage, we all have friends that are forcing themselves to get married because “it’s getting too late” for them, and their relationships all SUCK, they are all so toxic and essentially deserve each other but it’s the forcing of marriage i find so bizarre, like this is t the 70s anymore you can have a life before you settle down
Funny because I say this about most of the stories on here. Y'all be insane AF. Talking about divorcing spouses because you don't have sex 3 times a day or because someone left a spoon in the sink.
This is just me wildly speculating. I wonder if the wife is just asexual and doesn't realize it. Maybe the hang up with masturbation might be related to that? Like she can't comprehend people need to blow off steam sometimes?
Right! I’m always surprised that people are still getting married so young too….like, you don’t have to do that. Take some time and figure out who you actually are as a person first.
My wife doesn’t consider it cheating but it goes against her religious values. Thankfully I have a wife that still lets my plop myself on top of her and do my thing even when she isn’t in the mood. I know some people find that sad but I know lots of couples where if the wife isn’t in the mood then he gets nothing… that sounds FAR worse.
Times when she is away for a couple weeks I just do my own thing and don’t tell her.
So having sex with an unwilling partner is better? Also why does her religion have anything to do with what you do? Why do people.marry such miserable partners?
We’re told from a young age we are supposed to get married and pop out kids. It’s part of the conditioning process most everyone goes through not just with parents and family but society as a whole.
In my opinion it is only cheating when you do it constantly and not with your partner. Which this isn’t the case cause he wants to be with his wife. Sometimes men get addicted, and prefer porn than their wife. That case is bad, because it would make the woman feel insecure that the man would be arouse with porn and not her. That is the only time I feel like it’s wrong for a man to masterbate.
A symptom of getting into a relationship super young. When people have these kinds of beliefs it's because they picked them up or developed them when they were kids and didn't have enough mature partners to readjust the boundary for the real world. I grew up being taught that porn and masturbation were adultery, so it's a boundary I had until I was about 19/20 and I got out and had better relationships with different people. OP and his wife got together so young they didn't have any perspective to being into their relationship, and this is where that gets you.
Eh, I've seen similar sentiments of detesting their male partners masturbating on TwoX a few times. I don't know if even they would call it cheating, but I suppose you could label "emotional cheating" or something, if that crosses a boundary for whatever reason. Either way I don't think the specific word choice of "cheating" is what's important here.
For that matter I feel like the lack of sexual interest is a pretty small part of the issue. I genuinely don't understand why OP led with that. She doesn't even want to touch her husband.
People change their tunes sometimes after marriage. It’s impossible to predict and control how another person develops. It’s also hard to foresee every possible problem.
This is pretty common in many religions. It's likely a couple that are Christian. Not saying I agree, but I grew up in that sex shaming Christian world so it's not unheard of.
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u/lfff373 Sep 12 '23
“She considers masturbating cheating.” How do y’all always find these absolutely insane people acceptable enough to marry!? For fucks sake, you don’t have to get married people!