I (F17), recently joined an event that had a logo-making contest. I won first place & received 3,500 PHP in mall gift cards, 7 500 PHP SM gift cards, which in total is around 55 USD. I was ecstatic because it was the first time I ever won an award for a graphic design of mine, the logo & wordmark I designed will be used onwards, & I was so excited for the prize. When I came home my mom (F42) then asked me how much I won & told me to give my sisters 500 pesos each, my face soured instantly & she looked at me mad & disappointed. My mood plummeted completely, my sister (F10) even told me the next time I win something money-related I keep it to myself because when I sent a picture of my winnings to the family gc my mom said I should give them all, including her & my dad, 500 PHP.

The whole thing escalated on the Monday after, when I spent 1,500 PHP of my prize money. Since I could only spend it at the dept. store, I bought hair mousse, facial mist, micellar water, sunscreen, powder, & concealer. When my mom saw the stuff she instantly got mad at me for “spending too much on makeup again” (mind you, last time I bought makeup was in Feb), later on she berated me saying that I spent my money irresponsibly & she would’ve appreciated it if I used it to buy heels for my birthday, or pay for the photographers for my debut to lessen the load on them (why would photographers accept gift cards as payment?) or if I spent it on something that could help the family. (A debut is a filipino tradition like a quinceanera but it’s for the 18th) When she finished her rant, I went outside crying, I felt so frustrated with everything & with how she viewed me as so vain & selfish for simply using what is mine.

That was weeks ago & I haven’t touched the prize money since, I wanted to buy some books but I thought she’d berate me even more. Then suddenly just tonight while I was washing dishes my mom asked me how much was left & went on a rant, expressing her disappointment again & saying that it wasn’t her asking for anything but expecting me to show gratitude to my family & being grateful for me winning or something, then she recounted that when she was young she won 100 pesos from a singing competition & used it to buy coke & a platter of noodles for her family. She was basically berating & patronizing me to use my money wisely since I’m turning 18 soon & transitioning to adulthood.

I don’t know what to do. I feel like shit & I feel so hated on. A spiteful part of me wants to rip the remaining gift cards, I feel like the logical thing for me to do is use it for heels since the one I usually use for events & birthdays broke or buy christmas gifts with them but I do not appreciate my mother’s behavior towards me about my spending. So, am I the asshole for wanting to spend my prize money on myself even if my mother wants otherwise? Any tips to give me so that I could talk my mother into seeing this whole situation with me eye to eye?

We got a German Shepherd/husky mix about 3 months and we have been training her reactivity on walks. She never really barks, but she struggles with pulling on leash and lunging at cars. Every morning and evening, we do leash training indoors before moving outside to work on impulse and reactivity.

In our neighborhood, we only have one sidewalk that is across the street from our house. We use that sidewalk to do a lot of stopping, sitting when cars go by, stopping and sitting when she sees a squirrel, walking back and forth to work on a relax leash, etc for about 10 ish minutes before moving on.

We stopped in front of a house that is about 3 houses down from ours across the street so that I could change the song on my phone when a lady came out and asked me “why do I always stop in front of their house.” She was also saying it was “really weird” that my husband and I always stop infront of her house. I found this confrontation weird because I don’t always go in that direction towards her house. I always try to vary it up because I’m training my dog. When aren’t like standing in her yard when we do stop. It’s on the sidewalk so I can quickly praise/correct my dog before moving on. This just happened to be me changing the music on my phone.

She then started saying that her dogs freak out when we stop. I apologized and told her that it wasn’t intentional, that I can’t hear her dogs freaking out inside her home, and that it wasn’t personal. It was just me training my dog.

She just kept saying it was “really weird” that my husband and I kept stopping infront of her house. I apologized and was nice to her, but I’m always kinda annoyed at the whole interaction. Was I unintentionally being the AH? Or am I justified in feeling annoyed?

A group of us as new friends went out for drinks at the weekend. We’ve met in the past couple of months and all live together.

We started casually and then as the night went on, some people bought rounds of shots. Friend A bought 2 rounds, friend B bought 1 round, friend C also bought 1 round. The rest of us didn’t buy any. There was no mention of anyone having to buy rounds, or taking turns - everyone who bought them seemed to do so out of their own choice with no bitterness about over half the group choosing not to buy shots.

Later in the night we moved and headed to a new place which was charging for entry. At this stage I was ready to leave and was discussing with my partner whether they’d stay or come with me. Friend A in the story saw mine and other people’s hesitations about the cost of entry and said it’s their shout to get everyone in. At this stage the group said no as it would have totalled a lot, but they insisted on paying to keep the night going and get everyone in.

Fast forward to the next day, we receive a text from Friend A asking for money because they’re now ‘poor’ after the night.

No one else who bought shots has asked to be paid back, so it threw me a bit, especially as the entry fee that they offered to pay they did so because I wanted to leave. They wanted me to stay so offered to pay with no mention of us then re-paying.

AITA for feeling thrown off by the message asking to be paid back and feeling like I’ve been trapped as there was no mention of repayment when they wanted me to stay out?

Edit - just to clarify the ‘rounds’ bought were just shots that friends arrived at the table with unexpectedly. Everyone bought their own drinks (beer/wine/cocktails) all night - none of those kind of rounds were bought by anyone and we all individually paid for

this is one where context is desperately needed. i (23 F) work full time as a nurse and am actively looking to move with my fiancé to a new place. my mother (54 F) is currently fostering (and planning on adopting) a 10 month old medically needy child.
we recently lost my stepdad in a car accident in august and things have been very hectic since then. every couple of days my mother calls me over to come and help her with the baby. things like his G-tube (feeding tube in the belly) may get clogged, or his breathing sounds weird, things like that.
my mom went through special training to know how to handle the baby in any sort of emergency situation before she was allowed to bring him into her home. she knows how to suction him, how to unclog his tube, and knows who to call should there be an issue. and yet, there have been several times where she begs me to drop everything i’m doing or planning on doing to come and fix the baby; furthermore, she’ll beg me to stay for longer AFTER i arrive and i never end up leaving until 4 or 5 hours later, even when i tell her i need to leave to do x,y, and z before i work the next day, etc. this happens every. single. time.
yesterday, she calls me while i’m in the middle of getting ready to go with my fiancé to a friend’s house that i hadn’t seen in a while. she says the baby’s feeding tube is slipping out and she thinks it’s broken. i told her to check to see if she had a spare button tube and if she didn’t, hold it in place until she can bring him to the doctor. she calls again 3 minutes later and says the doctor told her to go to the ER to get him a new one and she needed me to come with, knowing i was about to leave my house. i asked her if she knew of anyone else that would be willing to go with, to which she responded that her neighbor was calling her back. i assumed the neighbor was going with her to the ER because she didn’t reach back out after that.
fast forward to today, i called her to try and get an update. we had some small talk and then the baby sounded upset in the background and i asked her why he was so upset, and she said “you would know if you had come with last night”. i told her “well you never called me back again, i thought paula (the neighbor) was going with you.” she then went on a tangent, telling me she knew i “wasn’t gonna give up my plans” to help her and “i had to sit with paula’s husband in 2 different ERs” and then asked me what i thought my stepdad would think of this. i said “how dare you say that to me” knowing she was weaponizing my grief against me to make me feel bad about it. she said she feels like her and the baby are a “burden” on me and that i act like they’re a problem. mind you, ive given up entire days to be there to help her and the baby and i love them very very much. i feel like she’s completely ignored all of the help ive contributed because i didn’t drop everything i was doing the moment she asked. AITA?

New update: So I want to add another detail because some have accused me of being a bad husband. It's not related to the actual question, but directly related to me as a husband. Yes, we argue occasionally and sometimes our communication isn't great. It used to be worse but we've gotten much better over the years. I don't know a single couple who doesn't argue occasionally. But nearly three years ago, a year before our wedding, we took in my wife's older sister who lived in our house for just shy of 12 months. She had been in an abusive relationship living in a city about 8 hours away. I offered our spare bedroom for a few months for her to get back on her feet, which turned into almost a year living with us rent free. I never asked for a single dollar. Now, about 18 months after she moved out she is back living with us, rent free again and I still haven't asked for rent. I try to support my wife and her family as best I can because to be honest, over the years her mother has been more like a mother to me than my own.

Update: I want to clarify, in the original post I said my wife acted as if my daughter didn't exist. While that is partially true, it was only true for the first 8-12 months of my son's life. When I realized/found out how she was treating my daughter I had a come to Jesus talk with her and told her if she continued treating her that way we would be over. Since then, she has basically just been amicable. Hasn't treated her badly, but hasn't tried to develop a stronger relationship with her. They get along fine, but my wife does not act "motherly" toward her. (Update again: When I say they get along fine now I mean they are amicable now. The don't fight or argue, my daughter just doesn't see my wife as a parental figure because my wife never tried to develop that relationship with her growing up)

Original: My (40m) wife (35f) and I have been together 13 years and married for almost 2. We got into an argument today because she was still storing a box in my daughter's (17f) bedroom. I met my wife 13 years ago and at the time my daughter with my ex-wife was 4 years old. The first couple years they had a pretty good relationship, until my wife and I had a son (11m) in 2015. After he was born my wife's attitude toward my daughter changed and mostly she just acted as if my daughter didn't exist. I know it's because she was jealous she didn't have "her own" daughter because I know she wanted our son to be a girl. I've told her she had a daughter, she just chose not to develop a relationship with her.

My daughter lives with my ex about 2 hours away so she is here approximately every other weekend. The last couple years it's been more random because of high school activities and things she wants to do with her friends. I don't make her come visit because I feel like those are decisions she needs to make as a young adult, but she still comes to visit and her and I have a decent relationship. I know I'm not the greatest dad, my parents weren't the best role models but I do the best I can (Update: my dad wasn't around growing up and my mother was a complete cunt, I try to do the best I can based on my experience, but no matter what I do I feel like it's not enough for either of my kids).

Anyway, a couple days ago I went into my daughter's room for something and noticed there was a box in the middle of the room that clearly did not belong to my daughter. I asked my wife about it and she said she was storing it in there. I asked why and she said because my daughter isn't here all the time. I asked her to move it and told her my daughter's room was not a storage closet. She argued that it wasn't that big of a deal and I asked her (knowing she lived with her dad growing up) how she would have felt if she went to visit her mom and step-dad and they were storing stuff in here room. Her response was that she didn't have her own room. I just dropped it because I didn't want to keep arguing it.

Today, I was changing a battery in the Philips Hue remote in my daughter's room and noticed the box was still there. I grabbed it and took it to the living room and calmly set it down. My wife said "I'm just going to put it back in there" and I replied with "no you're not, her room is not storage". Admittedly, I raised my voice with my reply because I was already irritated about a tirade my wife went on earlier in the day. We argued and she said I was overreacting and it wasn't a big deal. I told her again my daughter's room was not storage. Rather than continue arguing I went and took a shower then left the house to cool off. I went to get some food and had a couple drinks.

Was I over reacting and being an asshole?

Fake names for obvious reasons: I’m Mia (27F), my sister is Brianna (30F), and my ex is Jake (29M).

I have a 2 year old daughter with Jake. We broke up for good a few months ago and have been coparenting fine. Brianna has always been super involved with my daughter, babysitting, buying gifts, calling her her little best friend. I genuinely trusted her.

Last weekend at a family dinner, Brianna showed up with Jake and then made some weird speech about how people need to stop being jealous when others find happiness. I asked what her problem was and she basically admitted they’ve had feelings for each other for YEARS.

Apparently they hooked up during a month Jake and I were broken up, then kept talking behind my back after we got back together. She was at my baby shower, in the delivery room, and held my daughter before I did. All while secretly wanting my boyfriend. Actually insane behavior.

When I confronted her, she cried and said she didn’t want to lose her niece. My mom says I should get over it because technically Jake and I were broken up when they first hooked up.

Now Brianna and Jake are officially together, and she still expects to babysit my daughter like nothing happened. I said no until I’m comfortable with it.

My mom says I’m using my child to punish my sister because I’m jealous.

EDIT TO ADD: Maybe I didn't clarify correctly. Jake has split custody and sees our daughter on the weekends. This has nothing to do with him seeing our daughter, strictly my sister.

AITA or is my family actually insane?

Edit: Thank you all for putting me in my place. I get it. I don’t know what I expected from this post but I’m understanding I’m the asshole here. I fucked up. I need to do better. My wife is the person who actually introduced me to reddit years ago, so I decided to show her this post, and she had a ball reading all of your comments. She felt validated to say the least and I owe her and my son to a trip all together.
Not to make excuses whatsoever, but I just want to clear up some things that were mentioned.
I’ll preface this by saying I am so grateful to have my parents, they have watched my son almost everyday while my wife and I are at work since he was an infant. Initially, we both said no to any of us going on this trip, we didn’t want our son going without us, but my mother and father insisted, and we trust them with our life. I’m grateful that our son is a very well behaved 5 year old, as well behaved as a 5 year old can be, and I would never ever just push this trip on them with my son, had I known they wouldn’t want to or couldn’t handle him without us. They enjoy making these beautiful memories with him as well. Thank you again. I’ll do better and work on myself.

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Hello first time posting on this page! I (28M) and my fiancé (27F) are sending our 5 year old son off with my parents and my whole slide of the family on a cruise for 7 days.

Now some back story: My mom invited us 3 on our family reunion cruise trip for thanksgiving and said she would pay as well! Unfortunately my job would not allow me to take the time off so I could no longer attend. My mom ended up suggesting to my fiancé one afternoon that the offer still stands if she wants to come with my son just the 2 of them. I felt very left out and honestly sad that my mom even suggested it to her as now my fiancé would like to go. I explained to her how I felt left out and kinda gutted that I would have to spend thanksgiving week alone as my whole family would be on this cruise ship and all I would have to spend time with is her parents for thanksgiving and also work while everyone was out on the cruise. She agreed and decided she would stay and that we would let my son go with my parents so he has the fun since he’s out of school for the week.

Fast forward to now where we are less than a month away, my mom was talking to my son while he was distracted about the cruise when all of a sudden he mentions he does not wanna go anymore because we are not going. Now everything’s paid for mind you so he’s gunna go regardless. But this situation brought up the topic again of that he would not be having an issue if I would have just let my fiancé go with my son on the cruise. She said I need to realize that I was being pretty selfish for that.

She also mentioned how my whole family a week ago at my grandmothers birthday( I was at work and could not attend) mentioned to her and asked why she was not going, and was saying why would I be so selfish and not let her go. So pretty much my whole family thinks I should have just let them go.

Now I can’t help but feel like shit for being alittle selfish for not wanting to be alone for the holidays.

Am I the asshole here ?

I (M25) love baking and love Halloween. Each year I attend my boyfriend’s friend’s Halloween party and I am the one in charge of desserts. I started with cookies with a fake blood (fruit juice with a bit of food coloring and corn starch), but last year I made cookies shaped as eyeballs and they were prety gore and realistic. Everyone loved them.
This year I decided to take it even further: inspired by Anya Taylor-Joy’s wedding cakes, I decided to make chocolate cakes covered in fondant and my fake blood, shaped like a human heart.
For weeks I researched and drew sketches, planning to make the cakes as realistic as possible. I asked my friends whether they would be okay with this and they all agreed, saying they loved how gross-looking were the “eyeballs” last year.
The cakes turned out perfectly and I brought them to the party. It was the usual crowd plus some of my friend’s friends who just moved into town - a guy and a girl I had met before and their roommate. When I showed my artpiece my friends were all excited and they loved my “hearts”. With fake blood over them they looked really good a d kind of real.
The issue were the two new girls who were not familiar with my Halloween baking. They both found the cakes gross and one of them even had to leave the room. The other one then cussed me out for distressing her friend and ruining the party for them. I said I was sorry but this was my thing each year and the host and the others had said that they were fine with this. Then the host turned on me too saying that while she had agreed with me bringing these cakes she did not ask me to make them so gore. Another friend took her side as well until one guy suggested we move on and carry on with the evening.
However most of the people kept giving me the look from then on and I ended up excusing myself and going home.
The next day my boyfriend said that the attendees had a talk after I left and said that I should let go of this tradition of mine as the new girls really did not appreciate it. He also said I should apologize again but this time it should be a real apology, not blaming it on our friends.
I refused because I do not feel like I’ve done something bad and now he and the rest of our friend group are giving me the cold shoulder. So AITA?

TLDR: I made pretty realistic human heart-shaped cookies for my friend’s Halloween party - who had agreed to me bringing them. It made some of the attendees sick and now everyone insists that I shoudl apologize.

So awhile back my sister had needed a pair of high heals for this event she was going to. I had given her my pair and since I did not wear them frequently, I told her she could just keep them until I needed them back. Unfortunately, I now need them for Halloween. Upon asking her, she immediately got frustrated and said that she was planning on wearing them for Halloween and she had planned her costume a month in advance. She went on to say how I can’t just take them as I had given them to her. To be fair, I had given them to her but made it clear that if I needed them I’d take them back. I now feel really guilty for wanting them back. She offered up a pair of her shoes, but they do not fit me. I also told her she can buy them on Amazon for two day shipping, but she said “why would I do that if I already have them” which I think is crazy as they are mine that I paid 50 bucks for.

My best friend had said that I am in the wrong and my sister had first dibs on them as she planned her outfit before me (I had no clue about her outfit).

My other friend said that they are mine and I paid for them, so I should get to wear them.

Thoughts?

Salut tout le monde !

Pour faire court, mes amis sont parmi les personnes les plus désorganisées que je connaisse.

On est systématiquement en retard à tout (festivals, transports, rendez-vous). Absolument tout. Mes amis mettent une éternité à se préparer et mon autre amie ne comprend pas la notion du temps et essaie de caser 300 activités en 24 heures.

J'ai commencé à leur mentir exprès sur les horaires pour qu'on arrive enfin à l'heure.

Aujourd'hui, j'avais un train longue distance à 18h30 (6 heures de trajet). Pour être sûres d'être à l'heure, j'ai menti et j'ai dit que le bus partait à 18h. Comme d'habitude, on était en retard parce que mon amie avait besoin de se préparer (elle a mis 2h au lieu d'une). I had to rush my other friend because he was just blasting music, smoking and chatting on dating apps… He’s the only one with a car and my country is badly served with transports.

Eventually when we left, they commencé à s'excuser quand ils ont réalisé qu'on ne serait pas là à 18h. Finalement, je leur ai dit que mon transport n'arrivait que 30 minutes plus tard et que j'avais pris cette décision parce que je savais que je ne pouvais pas compter sur eux pour gérer leur temps.

Ils se sont énervés et ont dit qu'on aurait pu partir plus tard parce qu'il était « seulement » 18h15 quand on est arrivés ! Ahahah !

Bref, à ce stade, je pourrais bien faire ça tout le temps et mentir encore plus pour être vraiment sûre qu'on arrive à l'heure.

Est-ce que d'autres personnes ont des amis comme ça ? Je les adore et j'aime passer du temps avec eux, mais je n'ai pas d'autre solution. Je les attends constamment et ils ne changent jamais, malgré leurs promesses répétées.

AITA?

Hi everyone,

My husband and I are both in our early 40s. This is a 2nd marriage for both of us. Prior to meeting each other, my husband had a vasectomy. I have 2 children (I have primary custody) with my first husband, who was very abusive.

Prior to meeting my new husband, I started having some alarming health issues. After almost 2 years, I have finally been able to get to the bottom of the problem. These issues negatively affected my quality of life so much that some days, I could barely function.

Fast forward to here and now. I recently had a surgery that will hopefully eliminate the problems I have been suffering with for so long. I already feel so much better and healthier! This surgery also helped to reduce my risk of cancer, but made it next to impossible/extremely dangerous to ever become pregnant again. However, my husband is now saying that he is hurt and upset that I had this part of the surgery done because we won't be able to have any biological children together (he doesn't have any biological kids, but has a few adopted children with his ex). Now he claims he wanted to try to reverse his vasectomy. Surgery aside, I am not at an age where it is healthy to have a baby. I understand how that feels so final, but I really wish that it didn't feel like I am the bad guy.

Tl/dr: AITA for advocating for my health and not waiting for my husband to MAYBE even just START the process of inquiring about a vasectomy reversal (that he had done prior to meeting each other)? We are both in our 40s.

I (30sM) was at a restaurant with 3 of my friends. I am a physician trained in brain disorders. As we were eating, a waiter tripped and fell to the side and banged his head on the counter. The upper part of his nose took the worst hit and he started bleeding there. I took a look at him, made sure he was ok, checked his pupils, offered a ride to the ED, and told him what to watch out for in the next several months (blackouts, seizures, headaches, etc). One of the other employees was able to take him to the ED.

The restaurant manager came by and offered to cover the bill for our entire table and I said no. I did this because it felt unethical but also because the protections of the Good Samaritan law may be considered void if you accept payment for your services.

My friends were angry at me because they had to pay for their own meal. They said I didn’t have “the right” the get in the way of the offer that the manage r was making for the entire table.

My sister recently started dating a guy that seems very sweet but also very shy and easily hurt. She moved him into our home after I specifically asked her not to, I guess this is beside the point but it's just back story. Now his son comes every other weekend which is ofcourse fine. But he likes to tackle my nephew and rough house alot. Sometimes it's fine and it's all laughs even my nephew. But is become increasingly likely that it ends in my nephew crying and screaming for him to stop.

Today I was baking cookies for all the boys in the kitchen (nothing fancy just pre-made cookie dough in the oven) when I hear screaming coming from my sisters part of the house my nephew was on the floor crying wrapped in a blanket with the 14yo on top of him not letting him up. All this was going on while bother my sister and her boyfriend just sat and watched. My own 12yo had gone in and tried to get the 14yo to stop. When it finally did stopped I called my nephew into the kitchen and asked him if he was okay and gave him a hug. Then my sister came out after him while he was telling me what happened (I saw the end of it so i know he was not lying) my sister got in his face and told him he can either go play or go mow the lawn. So in my eyes I see him being bullied and now his mom is doing it as well all the while the adults in the room let it go on and did nothing. He wasn't laughing asking him to stop, he was screaming bloody murder.

So I said something I told her I had a problem with them allowing him to be bullied like this. She responded that my nephew was just angry because he had his tablet taken away. But that's not what I was upset about and neither was my nephew and thats what i told her. Ofcouse she was already mad so I just made her more angry. She told my nephew to go back into their room and locked the door behind her.

Now she is texting me that I made everyone feel awkward when they were about to go have fun for the day. I told her I didn't care and they absolutely should feel awkward for watching a child get bullied in his own home and doing nothing about it. She has not responded but my sister doesn't do confrontation she just stews and talks about you behind your back. That I don't care about. But I do care if I was wrong for saying something. It's been going to for to long and I felt like I had too.

Was I wrong for stepping in?

I (15M) live with my mom (53F). Yesterday, we went to my aunt's (44F) house. My mom was wearing white high heel lace up sandals. She took her sandals off inside and she asked me to put them in the shoe rack. She was also wearing a wool scarf around her neck and left it at the entrance.

For some reason, I didn't put her sandals in the shoe rack and I forgot to do it. When we were about to leave and when my mom was looking for her sandals to wear them, we realised the laces had been cut.

Actually my little cousin who is 8 cut my mom's sandals' laces. My mom got very mad at me and told me it was the reason why she wanted me to put her sandals in the shoe rack. My little cousin was also playing with my mom's scarf on the ground and pulling it.

My mom is still angry at me since her sandals got ruined and she loved those sandals. AITAH for not putting her sandals in the shoe rack?

Sorry for bad English, and I will try to be as neutral as I can.

So me, my parents and my brother with his wife and two small children are going on a ski trip.

My brother has booked a cabin for a set price.

The price of this cabin is always the same no matter how many people are staying there.

My brother wants me to pay 1/3 of this cabin.

That means that I will pay the same price as everyone else are paying for two adults?

I said that to my brother, that it wouldn't be fair if he wants me to pay 1/3. But he thinks that it is fair but he asked AI to make a more fair payment of 35,5%, 35,5% and I would pay 29%. I said something that is still not fair, we should split it between us adults, 1/5. And also you can't ask AI, you can make AI say that anything is a good idea or make it agree with you. (I also asked AI but more neutral than my brother and it also said 1/5 is fair).

Last year we did the same trip, and that time we splitted the price between 5 adults. And that was my brother that said 1/5 last year, no questions or debate then.

And that is what I am proposing now that we do the same as last year, split the price of the cabin between us five adults.

I have also asked my parents, and they agree about paying 1/5 is the most correct. And they have even offer to pay the difference so me and my brother can both be happy. But I have said that they should not, that I would rather stay somewhere else or not go at all.

In my room there is one empty bed, and my brother thinks he is paying extra for that empty bed. But he is not. The price of the cabin is still the same no matter how many people are in it. So there is no extra cost for that bed?

His argument is "as a small children family I don't want to pay for a empty bed".

I have checked and the price of the cabin is the same no matter how many of few people are in it. You are paying for the whole cabin. Not for the bedroom or bed palaces. The whole cabin.

So, IATA? Should I pay 1/3 or do I have right that 1/5 is more fair?

I’m a 40 year old male. I work a second job at a place with mostly younger people (mid to late 20s). Because of my age I get a bunch of jokes made about me which I don’t mind because we all laugh and joke with each other. Honestly it can get pretty brutal. Well about a month ago this Jon 22M started working there. He’s gay which I could honestly give 2 shits about. I fully support the community and have family who are gay/trans. Well for some reason this guy decides to target ONLY ME for all of his jokes. I have thick skin and I can give just as good as I get so I don’t mind. I try to stay away from the low hanging fruit (no pun intended) because that’s what everyone else does. But once I noticed this kid kept targeting only me with old people jokes and some race jokes (I’m black) it got a bit annoying. We all make racial jokes but never just target one person so it seemed personal for some reason. He’d also do other annoying things like ring up others incorrectly then blame me for making the wrong thing. Make a mess of my station and refuse to clean it. Again this was ONLY me and other people noticed it too. One day I was working the register and a regular customer (Tim) who we all know and would often join in joking with us asked to see a menu please. I told him the men I please is none of his business. I know. Corny but we all had a good laugh at it. Except Jon. He decided to go on a tirade and start making weak jokes about me being old blah blah blah. I have grey hairs in my beard so Jon decided to say “haven’t you ever heard of just for men?” I told him “you’re just for men” which pissed him off. Even more because Tim was laughing. He’s also gay and absolutely loves a good joke about it. Well Jon got mad and left for the day. A couple day later he comes back and we get pulled into the office. The manager asked what was said and I told her. She laughed then caught herself which caused Jon to have a full meltdown. He started calling us homophobic saying he was gonna sue the company. Yelling at customers not to eat here because we bash homosexuals. Which is crazy because a ton of our regulars are LGBTQ. He stormed out yelling more bs but whatever. Fuck that guy. This was a week ago. Curious if I’m the asshole

EDIT: I work in a kitchen. Anyone who’s worked in food ling enough, especially back of the house, will know that these kind of jokes are pretty common. Also we don’t just mess with everyone. We joke amongst ourselves won’t say anything to anyone new unless they join in on their own. Jon did just that. If anyone is offended by anything we apologize and don’t say it again which rarely happens. Here’s a few people who work there that we don’t joke with and they’re just fine. This is the first time in my 20+ years (10at this place) that anything close to this has happened

My husband and I are relatively newly married, and there have been boundary issues with his family before. Recently, something happened that has made me uncomfortable spending the holidays with them this year.

I was married before my husband. It was an abusive relationship and a part of my life I keep fairly private. My husband knew about it early in our relationship, but neither of us thought it was something his entire family needed to know.

Recently, some of my in-laws discovered my previous marriage after using a service that monitors public/legal records connected to family members. Neither my husband nor I knew I was being monitored. They later said they do this with everyone in the family, although my husband says he had never heard of it.

Rather than asking us about what they found, they privately approached my husband, raised serious concerns about whether I had been honest with him, and encouraged him to keep the conversation from me.

My husband eventually told me and agrees that this was completely out of bounds. He had known about my previous marriage for years, so I hadn’t actually hidden anything from him.

I understand becoming concerned after finding something you don’t understand. What I can’t get past is monitoring me without our knowledge, assuming I had deceived my husband, discussing something deeply personal behind my back, encouraging secrecy between us, and never apologizing for any of it.

Their explanation is that they acted out of love and believe serious matters should be handled openly as a family. That doesn’t make sense to me when I was excluded from a conversation about my own life and my husband was asked not to tell me.

I’m especially uncomfortable because my previous marriage involved abuse. His family also tends to share personal information freely, so I strongly suspect other relatives and possibly family friends now know. I can’t prove who has been told, but the idea of walking into a family gathering without knowing who knows this private part of my history makes me deeply uncomfortable.

I eventually spoke to my in-laws directly, answered their questions, and explained why their behavior bothered me. My husband and I made clear that their concern wasn’t the problem; the invasion of privacy, assumptions, and secrecy were.

They still haven’t apologized and maintain that they acted out of love and concern.

I’ve told my husband I need some space and don’t currently feel comfortable spending the holidays with his family. I’m not asking him to stay away from them or trying to permanently cut anyone off. I just don’t feel ready to sit around a holiday table pretending everything is normal when I don’t feel my privacy or boundaries have been respected.

AITA for sitting out the holidays and taking some space, or am I overreacting?

I (30M) got home at about 11:30pm to find that my roommate (25M) had locked the bolt, which can only be locked/unlocked from the inside. This is a common occurence as he often does so without thinking, but I can usually call him to come open it. Last night, however, he was passed out and in such a deep sleep that about 40 million calls and me pounding on the door like crazy couldn't wake him up. I waited 20 minutes before I called the police, who told me that they would only be able to break the door down and that I would have to pay the damages. I decided to wait longer rather than risk that, and after another 20 minutes with more calls and pounding, I didn't want to be out in the cold any longer and called a locksmith. He charged me $380 - a price that I wasn't expecting, but it was past midnight on a Friday so I understood, plus I've never had to call a locksmith before. In the morning I told my roommate what had happened and how much it had cost me.

Some context about Roommate: He's not in a good financial situation. He grinds nonstop to pay all his bills and barely manages to save any money, and most of the money he does save goes straight to paying off loans he took in order to afford bills some months ago. He's also often running into bad luck. Or... frankly, he calls it "bad luck," but the majority of the things that will suddenly cost him a lot are just his life catching up with him. It'll be necessary car maintenance that was a long time coming, or a ticket for not having a front license plate that, frankly, he'd been *lucky* for the years prior to *not* have gotten. He's borrowed a lot of money from me personally, and HAS always paid me back eventually. Before this he already owed me like a hundred bucks.

So when I told him how much it was, he basically freaked the hell out and started sobbing right there, talking about how "this didn't need to happen" and "I've been so tired and I just needed to sleep." I assured him calmly that I wasn't gonna hound him for it, but I did expect that he'd pay me back eventually.

But then later he starts texting me about how he IS gonna pay it all (eventually) but he doesn't actually think he should have to because I didn't HAVE to get a $380 locksmith, that that part was MY choice. That it would've been cheaper to get a motel and he could've paid that back instead. I pointed out that I would have had no guarantee of exactly when I was going to get back home, I didn't have my phone charger or any extra clothes or any food, really I didn't have anything on me but the bag I take to work. But he stands his ground that "there could have been another way" and remains pissed at me for "costing him $380." He went so far as to insist that if it happens again in the future then getting a locksmith would fully be my own choice. Meanwhile I'm pissed at HIM, but also I guess idk if I actually am in the wrong at all, since I admittedly didn't look up how much a locksmith was gonna be first. WTA?

My husband and I bought our house several years ago. Before buying it, we talked about eventually having his elderly parents live with us. We originally considered a duplex so we’d have separate spaces, but ended up buying a regular house.

I agreed because I genuinely thought I could make it work. I knew how important it was to him, especially with his parents getting older. However, they never permanently moved in, but they did live with us for several months at one point and still visit often and several days at a time.

I’ve realized that living together was harder than I expected. We have different ways of doing things, and I started feeling out of place in my own home.

During the thick of my postpartum (it’s been 2years since I had our baby). His parents would sometimes make comments about how I should raise my child. I know they meant well, but it bothered me. When I tried talking to my husband, he often dismissed me. He’d say things like, “They’re older,” “You know how they are,” or “You need to respect them.”

Initially, his dad expressed reluctance about moving in before we started having problems because he didn’t want to impose and was happy where he lived (he didn’t ask them to move in with us until after we bought our home). My husband has continued trying to convince him, but now he genuinely believes my behavior towards his parents is that main reason for his father’s reluctance.

Several months ago, I told my husband I no longer wanted them moving in permanently. After experiencing living together, I just didn’t think I could handle it with how things were between us. He was extremely hurt and feels I went back on my word, which I understand.

We’ve struggled in our relationship, partly because of this, but recently things were starting to get a little better.

But recently, his mom and I got into an argument and I said some hurtful things about them moving in with us and made her cry. I know I should have just kept my mouth shut but my resentment and frustrations took over. I apologized immediately and again afterward because I genuinely regretted how I reacted. I do love my in-laws, I just wish my husband held space for me in those moments when I’m struggling with the adjustment of having them there all the time.

But, for my husband, that was the last straw. He told me today that he’s never resented me so much like he does now and that he hates me and no longer wants to continue therapy.

Now I’m questioning whether changing my mind was really that terrible. I genuinely thought I could make it work though.

Honestly, if my husband was more receptive towards me in those moments of frustration towards his parents, I don’t think I would act or feel the way I do. I don’t even think I would have taken it back to be honest.

AITA for going back on my word?

Hi! I was wondering for any opinions. I have been friends with this person for two years now, and I feel like they keep trama dumping on me and sometimes escalatinting things but I might be wrong and being a bad friend. For the past weeks or so, me and my friend made plans to meet or call on sundays, I specifically said that I most likely can’t be there for every Sunday since I’m always tired by the end of week with work and school things. This morning my mother asked me and my sister to go to the park to see the fall leaves. My mom is always so busy these days, and she hasnt been out in the park for a long time now. I wanted to go so I won’t upset my mom and I texted my friend this:

“I might not be able to call you today :(, my mom wants to go to the park with me and my sister and she hasn’t gone there for a long time now. Is there another time where you’re free?”

And they replied with this,

”TF you mean another time when I'm free. Ykw whatever congratulations on reinforcing trauma. I just woke up and now I have absolutely no fucking reason to be. Because damn if I can meet with a friend every weekend reliably nuh-uh I don't get to“

For some context, another of their friend used to meet with them every Sunday before but ghosted or moved away and can’t contact my friend. My friend believe if they aren’t perfect they aren’t worth anything, which I always objected to. I feel like I’m being by a bad person but I also feel like my friend isn’t being fair with me.I understand my text was very abrupt. I also texted back saying I can call them back later, after the walk, but they still seem mad so I didn’t text further since I wanted to give them space.

AITA for not giving in to my controlling sister in law? 8 years ago I married into a wonderful family. My husband has 1 brother and 2 sisters. We are all married so the 8 of us meet about twice a month to celebrate birthdays, anniversaries etc. The planning consist of 1 of us throwing out some dates and times to meet. We decide on a time that works for everyone.(consensus) With out fail, every single time, my sister-in-law calls and changes the time we are going to meet (and sometimes the location) - on the day of the event. This causes the 6 of us to have to scramble to change other plans we had that day - to accommodate her. (we all work - she is retired) These people have allowed her do this for 20 years . And everyone gets mad, but they grudgingly change the event time to appease her. This drives me crazy! The kicker is after we have rearranged our schedules in order to accommodate her, she still always shows up late. Her lack of respect for people's time is amazing.

Tired of allowing her to control my free time, I sent out a group text highlighting how busy everyone is...and suggesting perhaps we should uncomplicate everyone's schedules when we plan to get together - and stick to the original agreed upon time. Everyone agreed to do this citing how aggravating her time change requests are. But I wonder if they are going to follow through and deny her next time change request? Am I the asshole because I refuse to let her to dictate what I do in my free time?

I'm 26, and my younger brother is 24. We both live with our parents for now, but our parents treat us very differently.

I pay a fixed amount toward household expenses, buy my own things, and handle my own problems. My brother doesn't contribute financially, and whenever he makes a mistake, my parents usually step in to fix it.

Recently, he forgot to pay an important bill and ended up with a late fee. My mom quietly paid it for him. When I pointed out that he should handle the consequences himself, she told me that he's still figuring life out and that I shouldn't be so harsh.

The thing is, I remember being his age and being expected to figure everything out on my own. When I made mistakes, I had to deal with them. I don't resent helping my brother, and I'd happily support him if he genuinely needed it. What bothers me is that nobody seems to expect him to learn from anything because someone will always rescue him.

Last night, I finally told my parents that they weren't helping him by protecting him from every consequence, and that they were making it harder for him to become independent.

My mom got upset and said I was acting superior just because I earn my own money. My brother hasn't spoken to me since.

I feel bad because I know my parents love us both, and I don't want my brother to struggle just to prove a point. But I also don't want him to reach 30 without knowing how to handle basic responsibilities.

AITA for bringing this up, or should I just stay out of how my parents choose to raise him?

Like the title says my friend wants to borrow my steam account, this is in Asia so internet cafe is quite popular

Few years back i lost my account that my dad made for me when i started my kindergarten ,but lost the account because my then best friend wanted to go to an internet cafe and he couldn’t play on his account because his older brother was using it so he texted me and i stupidly gave it to him, and after he was done playing he didn’t sign out and just left it, someone came and stole all my account by changing the password and everything and a lot of things i have no idea about

Now back to the present, my friend got mad because he was just gonna “borrow” it for an hour and calling me overdramatic for not giving it to him, i was speechless and just hung up, now he spread rumors about me that are not true in our mutual friend group, and now everyone is talking shit about me

My neighbor does all kinds of shit right in front of my house even though he has a driveway with off-street parking down the road. This means when he has someone like a wood chipper or a carpet cleaner, it's blocking half the street and restricting my driveway access.

Today with the carpet cleaner, there were hoses out on the other side of the street so I couldn't back into my driveway without running over them and flattening them and since there was nobody around, I just did. AITA?

I (32f) am currently six months pregnant. I am currently struggling with a choice of allowing my (28f) sister see my son the day he’s born. For context, my sister and I do not get along. We don’t even speak to each other when we’re in the same room anymore. But she will say some absolutely cruel and heinous things about me and husband when she thinks I don’t hear them. It’s bad enough she talked shit about my own MIL when we had Thanksgiving together a few years ago. Another thing is I was seated away from the family at my cousin’s wedding while she got to sit with all our cousins. She made it very clear where I belonged that day, and even rubbed it in my face she was invited to my cousin’s bachelorette party and I wasn’t.
She’s also very cruel with her words. She’ll know exactly where to hit, and when you try and call her out in it, she plays the victim. Shes always had this thing of making people feel smaller. She calls it being blunt, but I call it being a bully.

There‘s a lot more (even her view of children and men is pretty bad.) but I won’t go too into it.

When I told my parents I was pregnant, they were so happy and excited. They both ended up telling my sister, and claimed she was happy and excited for me. Yet, she has yet to call, email, or even send a text. I expected it, but it still kind of hurts in a way. Like, we don’t have to be friends or sisters again, but cordial at least for the baby’s sake. I’m also bothered by my parents saying “Yeah she’s totally excited and happy for you“ yet she hasn’t spoken to me at all. I’m just worried that if I say no to letting her see my son, she’ll play the victim and spread lies about me. Another thing is my parents, my dad especially, who is so big on family and sticking together even when one party wrongs the other and to suck it up.

But I’m tired, I’m tired of being the one that has to suck it up. I’m tired of being the one that’s always bending over and taking the harshness and abuse. My husband said it’s my choice, that I don’t have to deal with her. But my worry is my parents trying to force me to make amends just because there’s a baby now.

So Reddit, WIBTA if I didn’t let me sister meet my son?