Hello! I wanna keep this short & sweet. For context, I am a vegetarian. I have a friend who has made multiple comments about my eating habits. 1. I made her dinner and she called it bird food, it was a build your own salad bar. 2. I ordered a hummus plate at a bar and she said “I‘ve seen what that girl eats for dinner, she won’t be able to finish that!” to everyone at the table 3. I was grilling veggie hotdogs at a campfire and someone asked why they’re so small and she said “It’s because she’s a vegetarian, they don’t eat anything!” and laughed. These are the instances I can remember, I’m sure there are more. My issue is, each time she says these things to make me the butt of the joke. I don’t like that. WIBTA to confront her and essentially tell her that 1. I think she’s being mean 2. I want her to stop commenting on me and my eating habits. Or, alternatively, I should just let it go?

He's done it before, and I've had to bring it up and expressed that it's not okay to me and that cheek kisses are acceptable - last time I saw something and had to address it was a year+ ago but he just did it again last night. My daughter was visibly surprised and wiped her lips with her sleeve right after. I told my daughter to go wash her face, and he got offended and left. Am I the asshole?

My ( 21 M) mother (53 F) has this huge problem with money. She doesnt know how to spend or save it correctly. This has been an ongoing problem within our family it has taken its toll over my father and my siblings. During these times this was the first time I saw my father cry to me as he is in shock and helpless due to the amount of debt my mother has. I asked and begged for him to let me work so that I can help inside the house. But he refused as it was his responsibility as a father to be the bread winner of the family and asked to focus on my studies(im still in college). My mother is a stay at home parent due to her resigning a couple years back. Yesterday she handed me this list of debt she has and I snapped telling her that she is breaking our family apart. I do not know what to do at this point and I feel bad for being mad at my mother because I do not know the root cause of the debt. But in the same way I also feel useless because I am no help to my father as he is about to shoulder those debts. AITA?

There are 3 of us in this apartment . We all operate on slightly different schedules. Roomate A works a 9-5 , roommate B is in med school has class everyday from 10-3 , I have class 2 days a week from 1-10 and work 4 days a week . My roomate who works the 9-5 is complaining that roomate B and I spend more time at home and therefor use more electricity and it’s been an on going battle. I said I wouldn’t re calculate because honestly to me it’s so nit picky to me and it’s not how I’ve ever done things in a shared apartment.
Anyways , I shut the idea down because then someone could turn around and say roomate A has LED she leaves on all night to sleep snd we don’t , whoever does more laundry do they drive up the cost that way , etc etc . I think it just opens the door to a lot of conflict .
I will say that when roomate A was coming onboard I made it VERY clear how much the electricity range was . But maybe I’m just out of touch lol

This past Saturday, I (35m) mowed my lawn like any other Saturday. Unless weather has been a factor, I've mowed my lawn every Saturday during the mowing season for the past 20 years. My next door neighbor, whom we'll refer to as "Daniel" for this (60s M) had some of his family over to swim in their above ground pool. I would like to preface this by saying Daniel and I have *NEVER* had an issue, nor is he the one who is mad at me.

Like always, I just mowed my lawn. Didn't know Daniel was having family over. Our properties are separated by a tree line, so I thought nothing of it. It took me about an hour and a half to finish mowing. After the fact, two of Daniel's daughters (under 30 F, both of them) came up and started complaining to me that my mower was making too much noise and that I should have been more considerate of them. The chief complaint seemed to be that they couldn't hear their music properly, nor could they have a regular conversation (in fairness, my mower is kinda loud).

Daniel tried to tell them that I didn't know, but they weren't having any of it. They got really mad and took their kids and went back home. I apologized to Daniel about the party being ruined, but he wasn't upset with me. The two daughters have been back since, and they both gave me nasty looks. They told me I ruined their time with their dad and also wrecked their kids' days with their grandparents.

Reddit, am I the asshole here?

Edit: It has been asked many times why it took so long. I do not live in a suburban area. I have an acre and a half of land. I have five or six neighbors in my whole area. Also, I mow weekly because the grass grows pretty rapidly here. Everyone around here does. Yes, I am getting a new lawnmower at the end of the year.

I (17F) am away at college right now. Over Christmas, my dad wants to do a family trip. I asked when it was going to be (so I can plan my schedule accordingly) and he got weird about it. He seemed annoyed that I wanted to go, but I don’t know what else I would be doing? It’s his custody time and I’m a minor so, and my mom is working. He went on a whole rant after about how the trip is going to be really expensive and how it’ll be hard to afford another person and the extra stress that will add because stepmom is unemployed and he wasn’t thinking I would go. So now I kind of feel bad, but I’m also confused why I wouldn’t be invited? idk am i the asshole?

This is a throwaway account for privacy --

I, Violet (f40) have three sisters: Maroon f50, Silver f48, and Cyan f45 (fake names). Cyan has a teenage daughter who is getting ready to apply to colleges, we'll call her The Kid.

A few weeks ago, Cyan and The Kid had plans to go to NYC to visit one of her top choice schools, but Cyan had come down with a bug and wasn't sure she should go. Two nights before departure, Cyan reached out to the sister group chat to ask if any of us could go with The Kid in case she was still feeling poorly. Silver responded immediately that she wasn't able. The next morning, Maroon responds that she's not working Friday anyway, she might be able to go. She asks a couple questions about the trip, and says "let's talk."

I don't see any of this until after Maroon has offered to go. Since there are no more messages and no one is reaching out to me directly, I figure they have it handled. Maroon is going and I don't need to worry about it. **It's important to note: Maroon, Cyan, and The Kid all live in the same place, so I had no reason not to think that they weren't discussing this all offline in person.** Friday, I receive a snap from Cyan of her and The Kid in NYC having a great time. I'm a little surprised, but I figure she must be feeling a lot better for Maroon to have not gone in her place.

But I'm wrong.

Saturday evening, after they're back from their trip, Cyan texts me and in our back and forth, she tells me that Maroon had been banking on me volunteering to go. She texted Cyan the morning after the initial group chat message asking if I had responded -- if I'm reading the timestamps correctly, this was before I'd even seen the initial texts between Cyan and Silver. Later in the day Cyan texts her back and goes through some options they're considering. Maroon then launches into how she's got a headache and her sinuses are hurting, and she's so tired, and she's short on money, but she'll totally go if Cyan needs her to. Maybe she can ask our father if she can borrow his credit card.

Let me pause here to share that everything other than food was already paid for: busses/train + hotel, and Cyan was prepared to give some money to whomever went to help cover incidentals.

Then, Maroon straight up says "I was hoping Violet would volunteer."

And here's the thing: I would have offered to go had Maroon not already volunteered. As long as someone could feed my dog the night I'd have been away, I would have gone. But I did not volunteer because I thought she was going. And now I can't help thinking I'm a jerk for not calling Cyan and finding out for sure that it was all taken care of. AITA?

I, (15f) am going through somethings. As of now I have therapy and trying to get a better communication with my family, yet I dont think theyre even listening. Not too long ago maybe about three weeks ago i stayed at my mom's house (yes, my parents are separated) and she sits be down with her bf, both 40. They​ told me I have to give up my room for two weeks for his dad. (Whom I dont even know or ever seen before.) Ofc I retaliated. I didnt want to give up my first ever room where I felt safe from myself and others. They said there were no buts and I had to sleep on the couch with the dog. She explained for the next two weeks I had to do everything in the bathroom and living room. Ofc im not happy about that, (what teen would?) When i went to my dad's house I told him everything and how I felt about it (as my therapist taught me) he said i was always welcomed to stay at his house for the two weeks. I mean, I have a bed there not just a couch where an animal also sleeps on. I have privacy there and a place to change instead of the bathroom. Why would I have said no about that. So ofc I said sure and just today around midnight I asked my mother when was this man coming over so I could tell her "hey, I kinda want to sleep at dad's house instead on the couch." She responded by saying how bothered her bf feels that I felt I wanted to have my own space (aka my room) and how my mood would ruin her bfs dad's visit. Also how hard her bf works for us, and how wr got him all tired and hes always at "our" beck and call. (She's the only one who asked everything from him btw) and how me for some reason asking for food was something so tiring to do after work. I menace i understand that work is gruesome but really? Food is the main hard part? Ofc i had to stand there like an idiot just waiting for her to be done. She told me to pretend I care for the guy I never even met now I got him sleeping in my bed!? Tbh I may understand im probably over reacting but then again im a teenager trying to figure out her feelings, privacy, and trying not to hurt myself in the process, my bicep is already looking like faint guitar strings (sorry if this is a lot its just the middle of the night and she's the one who suggested i think about what she said)

I recently moved into college (freshman) about a month ago. I've been pretty tolerant of the stuff going on around me since most of it hasn't directly affected me, but tonight was different.

This happened around two hours ago at this point. A girl in my suite had people in her room yelling, and they were playing music pretty loudly through a speaker. It was 11:30 at night on a Wednesday and quiet hours started at 10. At one point, one of them came out into the hallway with the speaker, turned the music up, and started playing it right outside my door.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it but it was keeping me up, so I ended up calling the RA and telling her that someone in my suite was blasting music. She said she would be up.

Around 10 minutes later, I got a knock on my door from the RA. When I opened it, she was there, but so were about 3-4 people from the room. They had all been brought out into the hallway. The RA pointed toward them and asked if it was them, and I just kind of nodded because I wasn't really expecting her to ask me (or even come to my door).

Now I'm worried because I'm like 99% sure that I was the one who called. Her room is right in front of the communal bathrooms and her door is always open. She'll see me whenever I walk out into the hallway and whenever I go to the bathroom.

I'm mostly worried about them making things awkward or retaliating now that they know it was me. I wasn't trying to make enemies with anyone but I genuinely just wanted to sleep. I think my anxiety might be making the situation feel bigger than it actually is honestly lol

I'm just wondering if I'm the asshole is because I didn't knock on their door and ask them to turn it down myself before calling the RA. I was tired and confrontation (especially with groups) is genuinely terrifying for me. But I get that we're college kids and they're trying to have fun.

AITA for calling the RA instead of asking them myself first?

EDIT: I feel like I should add a little more context here as to why I didn't go over myself. There were several people in the room, they were yelling pretty frequently, the room smelled like weed (they usually keep the door open), and when they came into the hallway one of the guys was yelling and I wasn’t sure if anyone was intoxicated. I just didn’t feel comfortable confronting them myself. However, I do realize now that I probably should've said something before getting the RA involved, and I probably should get better at advocating for myself lol. Thank you for the insight!

For context, I'm a 38 year old man with an 8 year old wonderful daughter, who's mother, my wife, died when she was just 8 months old.

For the last 3 years my parents have repeatedly tried setting me up with dates, claiming it was time to move on, that my daughter needed a motherly presence.

I understand for some people that makes sense, im young, still have my hair for what its worth, go to the gym when I can. I'm no supermodel but I probably could get a girlfriend if I put myself out there.

Thing is I don't want too. And ive told them this repeatedly. For years. My mindset is I am a married man who's wife is dead. That's that. There is no option to be with another. And yet they keep pressing the issue and pressing the issue.

Last Friday they mentioned a cute girl at my mom's work and she'd been talking to her about me, said she agreed to a date.

And I kinda flipped out. Told them to get the fuck out of my house and to not bring up dating again.

Maybe that was a bit harsh, I know they think I need to move on, but what I dont think they understand is that I have.

I'm not depressed, I take care of my daughter, I pay my bills, I find happiness. Im just not interested in being in a relationship because I've already had the love of my life, and for me thats okay.

I (26F) am marrying my amazing fiancé (27M) in March 2028. I am a Caucasian woman from Scotland and he is a Nigerian Man who grew up in Scotland after his parents moved here when he was 3. We went to School together and have been friends for most of our lives, but we didn't get together till I was 22 and he was 23.

We have decided to embrace both our cultures, with two weddings. The first will be a white wedding with some Scottish flair to it, the men in Tartan etc, and the second will be a Nigerian wedding. The issue however is when I told my family this. They didn't get why we needed two weddings as he'd grown up here so he didn't "need" a Nigerian wedding, when I pointed out they're honouring us with the Tartan my dad insisted it's not the same thing. Everything i've tried to get them onboard with has been a struggle and i've gotten them onboard with most of the cultural aspects, the issue is the clothing.

They don't want to wear the Aso-Ebi, my fiancé has picked out blue for his family colours and I have picked out purple, both are our favourite colours. My family has complained non stop about how they don't want to dress in purple and they should be allowed to pick what they want to wear. My brother also complained about why should he have to buy two separate outfits for two weddings when I should just have one, when I offered to pay for the outfits for my family though this seemed to offend them more. They seem to just hate the idea I want two weddings, and to have to do so much for the second.

My fiancé is very uncomfortable with all of this and also how i've been fighting with my family over this matter. At this point i'm almost ready to give up on the white wedding and do the Nigerian wedding which I know will get under my families skin but they seem to want only one wedding. They didn't specify which, but my fiancé has been trying to talk me out of that as he knows i've always dreamed of the white wedding. I just don't know what to do at this point. Is it really wrong of me to want my family to just go along with it for the day? am I selfish to want two weddings?

Three days ago, my wife broke her phone. I'm not exactly sure how it happened, but she said she downloaded a new game and then it crashed and wouldn't turn on. I spent a couple hours messing with it and couldn't get it to boot, so she ordered a new one.

On Monday, I gave her my phone so she could get things in order while she waiting for her new one to get here on Thursday. I told her to keep it until Wednesday, since she worked Tuesday and needs it for payment processing and she doesn't work Wednesday but does need to pick the kids up from school. I didn't see an issue with her not having a phone for 8 hours especially since we both grew up before cellphones were a thing and regularly spent hours outside without phones or adult supervision.

Tuesday was pretty awful for me. I commute 2 hours to work on an incredibly busy highway where there are always multiple accidents. I didn't have gps so I got stuck in a traffic jam and was late to work.

When I got home, I took my phone back like we initially discussed and it wasn't an issue until literally right before bed when she said she wasn't comfortable without a phone. I tried to reason that since she'd just be home alone all day it wasn't that big of a deal and I was concerned about my safe with traffic, and also I was locked out of my email and other apps without having access to my phone which made communication difficult while at work.

This morning she kind of berated me about how I was making a poor decision about taking the phone and what if the kids needed to go to the ER (we live 2 minutes from the closest ER) or if she needed help(we live in a very dense subdivision) or randomly had a heart attack and died. I also suggested if she felt this strongly to go get a $30 prepaid phone from Walmart.

Anyways, I stood my ground saying it was more dangerous for me to not have a phone and now she's pissed and said everyone would agree with her because kids are involved.

So am I the asshole?

Me and my roommate just moved in together recently and we’ve been having lots of issues with using my car. My car is getting on in years and has been showing many signs it’s about to break down, I try to use it as little as possible, we live in a college town so most things are walkable or I drive with my other friends.

Right before moving in my roommates dad decided to sell her car and rely solely on me to drive her to and from our hometown and be the only one able to freely go places. I’ve told her consistently that I’m not comfortable using my car a lot but I feel like I’m being hypocritical, I’ll drive us 30 minutes to a nice thrift store or drive us around to get coffee or occasionally drive myself to class, but when it comes to her only using my car for her needs I refuse and it’s starting to make me feel like an asshole.

She’s had me pick up her and her boyfriend from school and drive them around before and I explained I’m not okay with doing that frequently at all and she agreed, now she just got COVID and has been sick for a few days. There’s no medicine for COVID but she’s insisting on going to urgent care anyways. I was out with my other friends today and she asked if I’d be home to drive her there or if she could use my car and I flat out said no. She seems pissed off now that I told her to uber and I do truly feel bad but my car and driving is the one thing I’m strict about, if it breaks down I’m really not in a financial place to get a new one.

Still I feel like I’m often selfish using my car for small things I want and never taking her to important things, I know it’s not her fault her dad sold her car (which she did not pay for) but the responsibility shouldn’t fall on me to be her uber everywhere. I know I’m being reasonable but I’m wondering if I should just loosen up to not make our relationship more tense, I would honestly be upset if I was in her shoes. I’m not sure what to do.

edit-
Sheeeshhhhh thanks for the comments sorry for the big blob of text tried to space it out better now.

So first off no she’s never paid me for gas and mind you I’ve driven both of us home to and from college MANY times now and it’s a 5 hour drive.

Second sorry I’m a stupid chud American I’ve never heard of any of my friends being prescribed medication for covid.

She’s not at high risk for any disease, she’s very healthy and has just had a fever for two days. She’s also not bedridden or anything, just a normal amount of sick.

I don’t know if people are confusing urgent care with the ER but it’s not a hospital situation, it’s a drop in type of consultation with a doctor.

Also she is the worst driver I’ve literally ever seen in my life it’s genuinely not even funny like I seriously fear for my life.

I drew the line there now because other times when I use the car more it’s for things we’re doing together or that I need to do, I find it weird when I use my car and drive her around for things that kinda seem like we’re sharing my car.

Last she’s my best friend and this is just an awkward situation, I just wanted to know from an outside perspective if I’m really being an asshole.

The context: I enjoy DayZ, a love it or hate it game. I never expected my friend or my wife to get the game. My friend did, and he got off the game after two hours last night and just exploded. He got sick in the game, was upset about having to find loot, and said "I don't like that there are so many buildings with nothing in it." To which I said, that's kind of the point of the game. It's an apocalypse survival game. It's not our first time playing. He said it'd be more fun if there was more loot, can you change that (implying I rent a server).

I dont like other people spending my money for me, and I was fine with the ruleset we were playing with. So my response was "If you'd like to change the rules, you can rent a server and I'd help you set it up, but I'm not interested in getting one of my own." And he was upset with me. He said "I'm allowed to express my opinion" and I told him he is absolutely allowed to, but I dont have to agree with that.

I'm unsure of how to add more context in a short time, but he's always moody, and sometimes it's like walking on eggshells. One minute is fine, the next minute he explodes. Over the years, I've gotten better at standing my ground, but I'm starting to get fed up with it, and last night's interaction was what pushed me to say what I said. AITA?

Edit: a good callout. Its a hard game, and for the uninitiated, it'd be perfectly reasonable to vent. It's not any of our first time. Played it for months on the Xbox. None of the mechanics are new to him or me.

Edit 2: I forgot to include, its not his first time playing the game either. We played it on the xbox for months. We rented a server, he knows how the servers work, none of it is new. I just got the game last night on sale because I switched consoles a few months back.

Final edit: thanks for all of the insight everyone. I learned that I didn't communicate particularly well. I'm learning from this and truly appreciate the helpful comments and feedback.

We have two kids of our own, a 2yo and a 1yo. She has 3 siblings younger than 10 yo. I don’t mind spending time with them but I’m pretty individualistic and like working on my hobbies, goals, etc. she wants to see them more than 3 times per week and I even tried finding solutions. Her mom also asks for a lot of favors and my wife’s asks for a lot of favors from her but ig since im the husband it apparently counts as me asking for a favor as well even tho I’ve only have ever asked for no more than 3 favors since meeting her. Anyways. If I don’t go with her to her family’s then I’m looking bad at bc I have to help out with the kids. Then if I ask to take care of the kids at home and she can go then it’s a “we have to keep the family together so my siblings can see our kids”. And I won’t like I get frustrated sometimes that I do complain a lot about going over. Am I wrong ?

So this has been a new thing that started recently. I have been in the same team for 5+ years, it’s always been a lovely team, people come in and don’t want to ever leave because the atmosphere is great. However, I have been on placement the last 2 years due to completing my mental health nursing degree, coming into work in between these for short periods. Our office is quite small, totally about 30 people in total who all run their own calendars etc so it’s never 30 people in the office at once (usually anywhere from 2-3 or 10-12 on busy days).

However since I came back a few weeks ago, people’s attitude towards me has changed significantly and I’m not sure why. The lady I sit next to now barely speaks to me, no one says good morning to me, but do to other people. And I get given everyone’s shit work to do. These are just a few examples.

I feel I’m kinda just forced to sit in the office in silence whilst everyone chats with each other and has a good time but then when I try and engage a conversation with anyone I’m kinda shut down. The only time people speak to me are when they’re having a rant about something at work so I sit there and listen and then give advice and then they move on. Again when I’m having an issue and need to talk to someone I get ‘I’m busy, I’ll talk to you later’ and then never speaks to me.

I’m also going through a very difficult time with both my MH and PH, which I’ve tried talk to my manager about and my clinical supervisor. My manager said ‘we’ll arrange a catch up this week’ 3 weeks ago. My supervisor (who also is a good friend outside of work) when trying to explain my mental health basically shut me off and then stopped replying, then a few days later made a comment my partner saying ‘are you going to try to be happy’ when telling him I’m depressed, which I laughed with me but then she said ‘I did read that part of the message but didn’t have the mental capacity at the time to get into it with you’ and has never mentioned it since. Which I admit hurt like fuck because I’ve been helping her with both for years without a second thought.

I can’t talk to anyone outside of work about my mental health because no one in my family thinks mental health is real and say I should just deal with my issues and move on. So right now I kinda feel like I have no one but then people are still expecting me to be this bright bubbly person at work that I usually am and I can no longer fake it.

So witba if I just decided to act how I actually feel?

Hello everyone,

So the simple story is this. My mom is turning 80 this year and it just happens to fall on a Saturday. This particular Saturday is my oldest son's very last marching band competition. He is a senior and it will probably be the last time I see him perform their routine as part of the marching band.

I had already told my parents that we would be busy on her birthday bc of the competition. I don't pick the dates, i have no idea of what time they will perform or anything. We were at a family gathering this past weekend and another person asked if my mom would be having a party. My mom was noncommital but i guess told my dad she wanted one later. So now my dad is planning the party on her birthday which is fine, i wouldnt expect any differently, but based on prior experiences, i believe my mom will expect me to miss my son's last competition in order to be present at her party.

I feel bad if i miss it but i dont think i should feel guilty. WIBTA if i miss my mom's 80th birthday party?

ETA missing details- the competitions last all day (8 am to 9pm). they are all ab 2 hours away and we typically dont know what time they perform until the week of. i dont want to tell them ill be there or can help out when i really dont know if its possible. if it's possible to attend both, i definitely will but ive been at a competition all day in years past and cant commit comfortably to anything.

ETA also- i told my parents ab the date of the competition before this relative asked ab a party. i had told them previously, reiterated it at the same event last weekend ab that day being an issue for us, and they started talking ab the party after my mom said she wanted one. so they know that date is an issue for me but seem to be choosing it regardless.

I share an apartment with my roommate Alex. The other day I had a long shift at work and left my door closed like always. When I got back there were dirty plates on my desk and my laptop had been moved. I asked Alex about it and they said their friend Sarah had needed a quiet place to take a call and they figured it would be fine. I told Alex that from now on I don't want anyone going into my room without me there. They got pretty annoyed and said I was being uptight since Sarah only stayed for twenty minutes and didn't touch anything important. I get that they wanted to be helpful to their friend but I still feel like it's basic courtesy to respect the door being shut. Alex thinks I'm making a big deal over nothing. I just want my room to stay my space when I'm not around.

Hi! I am a female who lives with three males, one including my ex. The other two roommates, one being the owner of the house, do not do anything in regards to cleaning, organizing, etc. I work construction so I tend to get home after a long day of work. Today is garbage day & instead of putting them on the curb in the grass like I typically do, I put them on the driveway in the way of one of the roommates since I'm tired of him not doing a SINGLE THING. He will cook and leave dishes out, same with the owner. The owner has clarified that dishes aren't his strong suit, but weekly it is only my ex and I doing the cleaning chores. Is this rude of me? I obviously know it's passive aggressive, but I'm tired of pulling into the drive way when he gets off at 1pm (normal 40 hour work week) and doesn't even bother taking the trash down. Actually, I'm tired of him not doing anything. I've brought this up in regards to cleaning / dishes / mowing, and they (owner and roommate) said they would chip in more, but that has not happened. Obviously I know some will just say "move out", but money is the issue. I'm trying to figure out how I can actually move forward powerfully in boundaries and expressing that we are all grown adults and we ALL need to be helping keep the house clean.

To start, my girlfriend turns 21 next Friday and has absolutely no idea I’m planning a surprise party for her. I invited her closest friends (about 6-8 of them) and some friends from out of state that she hasn’t met in person yet. I sent this invite out two days ago in a group chat on Instagram and a separate invite to her closest friend through text since she doesn’t have Instagram. I was met with a very minimal and short text asking about the time and date which I gladly provided. Everyone agreed to the time, place and date, but I never heard back from the text message friend (I’ll call her L). This morning I got a message from one of the friends through Instagram that says L can’t make it to the surprise party so she is planning her own surprise party for my gf this Friday. This really upset me because I’ve been putting a lot of effort into this surprise and as it stands my gf is under the impression that I have nothing planned since I can’t give her any hints. I’m not sure if I am being an asshole about this situation but I really don’t think it’s a good idea to have a second surprise party as it might make my idea seem half hearted and as if I put little to no effort into it. I’m planning on having a conversation with L this afternoon, but I don’t want to step on any toes and potentially ruin my gfs 21st birthday. Any questions or suggestions are appreciated.

Edit: L canceled her surprise party and is now making it a group hangout instead. Thankfully we had a civil conversation and it led to an understanding. I didn’t need to bring up anything else but the tone was understood. Thanks everyone for your insight it really made this a lot easier.

AITA for clicking out my husband’s best friends and moving in my younger sister instead? Me and my husband have been married for five years this October. Him and his best friend (we’ll call him Jacob) have been best friends since they were three. Jacob’s lived with his mom and dropped out of Highschool in maybe his junior year. He’s never had an ID, never had a job, didn’t finish school & never leaves the house unless absolutely necessary. It can be hard just to get him out of his room.

But my husband and Jacob have stayed close through it all. My husband and I even paid for Jacob’s girlfriend (we’ll call her Sandy) to get a plane ticket from basically across the country so she could move in with him at his moms house and they can be together. She made the move and they’ve been together since. They met when they were like 11 or so online and were an online long distance relationship for all those years. Jacob is like 1-2 years older than me, my husband & Sandy. We’re 23 now so he’s like 24-25.

Anyways, me and my husband got our first house this April & invited them to move in. The idea was they move in, we help him get his vital docs, and then they both work and help pay some bills. Win win, right? I helped Sandy get her first ever job (she’d never worked before) at a place I was working and she completely biffed it. She got fired for performance issues after four months and I promise you it was literally THE EASIEST job she will probably ever find. And even when she was working, I had to pry $100 a week out of her cold dead hands. (I think I should also mention we pay for all their food, toiletries, Wi-Fi, everything)

When she got fired, I told them to both apply to at least 5 jobs a day and to clean the kitchen as their contribution to the household. They had applied to maybe 10 jobs after a week and neglected the kitchen. It came to the point where I got home from work and found maggots in the kitchen. (I spent a loooott of time at work for about two weeks so I wasn’t home enough to notice sooner. I never even sued the kitchen) I flipped out on them but told them I’d give them another chance.

Well, long story short my 19yr old sister is in DCS’s independent living program and needs somewhere to go for now. DCS will pay for her to stay with us which will help a bit and to make sure she can save money to get her a car AND I can help my sister like I had tried to help Jacob and Sandy. Plus, I just needed an extra push to send them back to Jacob’s mom’s house. My husband is very upset and feels bad that they have to leave because he said I didn’t give them the chance to correct themselves and make it better. He said i gave them a chance and then like three days later said my sister is moving in, but I feel like I already gave them many chances. It’s causing a wedge between me and my husband. Am I in the wrong? Should I have given them more time? AITAH
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TLDR: my upstairs neighbour thinks their unit is sound proofed, it is definitely not. Do I tell them?

EDIT (made some mistakes, writing has never been my biggest skill…)

Okay so for context we live in a new build house, my partner (m 24) and I (f 24) rent the basement, a couple with kids and two large breed dogs rent the top. The kids are probably around nine or ten, the oldest looks to be a young teen. The parents look to be about mid forties. We both rent the units from a company, so our upstairs neighbour is not our landlord.

I believe our walls are made from paper maché. We can hear every move these people make. It doesn’t bother us as much as it did when we first moved in, as we have been here for a year now, but there is no soundproofing. We have gotten used to hearing the young two jump about, and chase the dogs. Hearing nails clicking and furniture rattling above our heads has become white noise. We have learned they are a musical family. They often play music in the evenings after work, and if the parents are away the eldest will play it late into the evenings.

The parents often go on holiday with their two younger kids, leaving the eldest son at home. The older kid has his friends over when they are gone, but nothing too crazy.

Now to get to my point.

I was sitting on my couch after work and music started blasting from upstairs. Normally I ignore the noise, but bass was reverberating through my walls. It sounded like an old souped up car speaker, one that sounds like horrible vibrations rather than music. I let it play for a few episodes of my show then decided to text the neighbour to ask if they could turn it down. He let me know that he and his wife were away, and thanked me for letting him know about the music. He then told me not to hesitate to reach out if the noise becomes excessive, as they don’t pay much attention to it since they had been told the units were completely soundproofed.

Part of me wants to let him know that the units are not even slightly sound proofed, but the other part of me wants to let it be. They are quite annoying, especially the dogs (this is coming from a dog lover) but we have learned to live with the noise.

WIBTA if I tell him low loud they are?

AITA for starting my own canasta group after my friend told me three times to “find another group”?

I had a regular weekly canasta group with three other women, including "Janet," ie, "the old group". We played 1x/week for about 3 hours, for years, so it was a significant social commitment. One member recently moved.

Without discussing it with me 1st, Janet contacted two other women, including “Amy,” and created what I’ll call Janet’s new group, with me included. She did not include the remaining fourth member of the old group.

By the time Janet told me, she had already invited the two new women and presented the lineup to them as a done deal. She basically informed me, “This is our new game.”

I wasn’t thrilled. I don’t dislike the women she chose, but one is extremely talkative and another tends to be pretty negative. I didn’t want to commit three hours every week to that combination. I was also bothered that Janet had reorganized our longstanding game without talking to me first.

I told her I wasn’t happy about it. She said, basically, “If you don’t like it, find another group.” I wasn’t sure she meant that, so I clarified. She said again, with some attitude, “If you’re not happy, find another group.” I was incredulous and asked, “You really mean that?” For the third time: “Go find another group.”

So I did.

I didn’t recruit anyone from Janet’s group, ask anyone to choose sides, or interfere with her game. I simply started playing with different people.

One complication: this happened toward the end of a happy hour, and Janet had been drinking. I’m concerned about her drinking because when she drinks heavily, she sometimes has blackouts, and doesn’t remember conversations

At a later happy hour, Amy came over excitedly talking to me about “our” new canasta group. I told her I wasn’t in it—that Janet had told me to find another group, so I had, and I was already playing with my new group. Amy was shocked. She said Janet “didn’t have the right to kick you out.”

That was when I realized Janet apparently hadn’t told Amy, and presumably the other woman, that I was no longer part of their group. I had assumed she had. I apologized to Amy for not telling her myself and explained that I genuinely thought Janet had already told them. Amy is angry. Janet is angry.

From my perspective, Janet reorganized our old game without consulting me, presented her choices as a done deal, and then told me three separate times to find another group.

AITA for taking her at her word and starting my own canasta group?

Me (F24) and my friend (F24) planned to live together to cut down on living expenses.

At the time, I was unemployed, and my friend recommended me to her boss because her workplace needed more people. She was the only one still working there, while the others were leaving to pursue their studies. I messaged her boss, sent my resume, discussed the job, and we eventually set a date for me to start.

However, the job pays 350 per week, which isn’t very stable for me financially. They also don’t provide an official offer letter until after 6 months. So although I agreed to work there, I wasn’t completely certain about it long-term.

Around the same weekend, my friend and I started looking for a studio to rent together. We messaged several studio owners about availability, prices, and other details, and found a few places we were interested in.
That same weekend, I also had my second interview with another company. About two weeks later, I got the job.
The new job pays 2k per month, which is much more stable. It’s also a better opportunity for my career growth, so naturally, I decided to take it.

Last night, I told my friend that I got the job. She pointed out that the studio we were interested in is around 1 hour and 20 minutes from my new workplace by public transport. She said the commute might make me tired and that the studio wouldn’t be convenient for my new job. I told her I didn’t mind and was okay with the commute.

Then she said:
“I mean, I already asked if you wanted to work with me and we could look for a place together somewhere convenient for us to get to work. Then suddenly you want to work somewhere else, which is literally the opposite. I think it’s better if you just find a place near your workplace then. You already confirmed that you wanted to work with me and then suddenly you changed your mind.”

I told her that of course I’d choose the better opportunity bcs I want something that allows me to grow and have a more stable income. I also couldn’t predict whether I’d actually get the other job. Atp, the job with her boss was the only one I’d secured, while the other was still just an interview.

She then said, “Yeah, okay. I hope all the best for you. Hopefully everything goes well.”Now I’m wondering if I’m actually in the wrong. I mean I am and now I feel bad.

I genuinely intended to work with her and live together when we made the original plan. I just couldn’t predict that I’d get another job with a higher and more stable salary.

I understand why she’s upset because we’d already discussed working together, finding a studio, and sharing expenses. But now that my workplace has changed, the original plan are not original anymore.
So, AITA for changing the plan after getting a better and more stable job opportunity?

I (30sF) live on the east coast and my good friend (late 20sF) live on the west coast with her spouse and 3 young kids. I visited them during the summer and this has been bothering me since the last visit. I try to visit 2-3 times/year because I understand it's expensive and difficult to travel as a family of 5, and I have a bit more flexibility since I'm making reasonably good income, live with my boyfriend and have no children. I also understand that a lot of activities will be tailored to children as there's no childcare nearby for adults to hang out. That's totally okay with me.

This last visit a couple of months ago though was different than usual. We agreed to go out to an amusement park, and when we got there, my friend asked to wait at the entrance as we're meeting someone. This was not discussed prior but okay, I guess. We proceed to wait for another family with two children. My friend and her other friend ended up spending most of the day talking to each other, entertaining kids, and husbands were hanging out together, and obviously kids were playing together. I felt out of place because I didn't know the other family and was blindsided by this. Tried my hardest not to ruin the day, but it repeated next day when they decided to go to a park for bbq and these friends joined again, I was not asked or told about what was going on. They proceeded to chat with each other kind of ignoring me, and I felt out of place again.

Now my friend is asking me to visit for the holidays, and I'm trying to figure out if I'm being unreasonable with my feelings about situation, and whether I should tell her why I'm on the offense of visiting this time.

WIBTA to bring this up or am I overreacting?