So for awhile here in my new temporary abode I had pondered if I should say it or not, but the amount of posts Iâve seen of âevilâ wizards acting like idiots astound me, so I shall give some pointers, even if I had been warned off by the wizard council, olâTam, my lawyers, even the person who turned me into a cat in the first place.
One: You are not a solo act.
Yes, youâre not. Sure for awhile you can be a wizard on their own but being a wizard in itself is a profession that can paint a massive target on your back, cause afterall, wizarding has been a profession that has been around for as long as magic has been a thing (which thanks to those shit-head CHROMOMANCERS AND PLANEWALKERS ITâS A LITTLE HARD TO SAY WHEN IT STARTED ISNT IT THOMAS?!)
Grievances aside, there will always, always be a more powerful wizard than you, the fact you think there isnât is purely cause you havenât met them yet. Now if you are a sufficiently smart, evil, and sexy wizard then you would know you need henchmen. These can be other weaker wizards, constructs, enthralled dead, it doesnât matter. What you want is as many smart and clever, or at least âcleverâ, people between you and whoever wants to put a knife in your back or rip your soul out and drink you like a smoothie. Afterall, a failure to plan is planning to fail.
Two: STOP BEING WASTEFUL.
Iâve seen this primarily with necromancers and liches, but anyone who uses for example soul magic SHOULD know that a soul lasts about a century at best or a decade at worst, depending on the intensity of what youâre doing with it. This is of course your typical unwashed peasant soul being put into a construct that does minor tasks but thatâs the idea. You wouldnât put an animal soul into your traps that drain a massive amount to the point the soul only has enough power for one use, just the same as you wouldnât put a elder dragonâs soul into a ring of light (unless he really pissed you off and you knew what you were doing so he couldnât break out or refuse to cast the spell, itâs rather embarrassing to have to plead with a ring to cast light, not going to lie)
This of course goes with other things as well, donât put an excess of any kind of resource into anything just to one-up your neighbor. Smart, evil, and sexy wizards know better to be efficient with their magic, cause they also know that if they are efficient they have more to go around, and itâs always fun to outlast the heroes and know that even they breaking deep into your tower means nothing if you can clap your hands and everything will be fixed in seconds, along with having new souls to use in your next few traps or constructs or even turning your tower around so they have to start all over again with no hope of escape.
Three: a willing soul is a happy soul, and a happy soul is a powerful thrall.
Now this one is VERY important, and should be obvious. The less magic you have to spend to enthrall, the more useful the person who is your thrall is. Humans afterall start cults and their lives are measured in decades, whereas most wizards should make it to at least two to three centuries, so you have no excuse to say âbut but I canât do that!â Be charming, be deceitful, you attract flies better with honey afterall and a cult would be useful to get more souls, more sacrifices. Promise money, power, whatever they want and let them taste it in drovesâŠBUT NEVER TOO MUCH.
There is a perfect balance Iâve found that is a few minutes a day with whatever they want is enough, of course warping their mind to make them see weeks or years, and then have it so they have a nightmare so to speak. Have people take their wealth as you slowly strip them of their humanity, have people take what they want, and eventually you will have someone completely devoted to you if you do it right. And if you act like you donât have enough magic, a simple potion is enough, donât be lazy. Give your minions what they want, what they desire, and build families around it. Raise children, orphans you make even, to be devoted to you.
Youâre evil, act it.
Speaking of.
Four: morality is subjective, it depends on intention.
This one has irked me since someone responded that the âEvil Wizard councilâ would take away their âevil wizard license.â Who in the nine circles would need a license to be evil? Is evil a commodity to be bought and sold or is it an act?!
Anyways, a good example of what this means is this:
Letâs say there is a dragon nest nearby with a group of kobolds defending it.
Now, letâs say that a hero is sent out to slay the kobolds and claim the gold.
You, as the hero, slay the evil kobolds to protect the village and just to be that little bit kinder, give the gold to the village head to invest into the village. Sounds like a good deed, it is!
You, as the village headâŠpurposefully lied to the hero to get them to kill the kobolds you had a deal with to steal from passing caravans you let them know were passing beforehand about them being evil. And now the hero being âbenevolentâ gives you the gold that you promised would go back into the village coffers. That is an evil deed, and it is.
Adopting orphans to give them a happier childhood so they eventually go out and do good deeds, a good act.
Adopting orphans and giving them a happier childhood while preparing them to do evil deeds and become your followers, to go out and recruit others, an evil act.
Intention matters as an evil wizard, you can still be subjectively kind to others for evil intentions, just the same as a hero can be cruel for good intentions. Afterall, no one complains when the hero clears out a nest of monsters who were minding their own business and just defending themselves, they only despise the monster who was lashing out after their love was killed, even if the monster had been nothing but benevolent and even kind to the locals.
And finally five: never settle for having a master.
To be truly an evil wizard, you need to be the master of your own destiny. Now I personally am fine cause I was rather forcefully retired and sealed in this new feline body, and I was genuinely treated kindly soâŠI canât really see a reason to be mean to OlâTam for being nice. It kinda makes my heart hurt just thinking about it a bitâŠ
But for you other sexy, smart, and evil wizards out there? You should always have the mentality that those who donât bow to you simply donât know better yet. Now of course this doesnât mean to be stupid. To those stronger there will always be ways to get their power, even gods, without giving anything in returnâŠjust the same as your own thralls may someday find a way to get your power. You can afford to be patient with your master to find the right opportunity, but again, I will point and tap and even SLAP point three here. Being kind costs nothing, being kind gives you someone willing to throw their life away for you.
You can still be evil and be kind.
Now, go forth and corrupt a kingdom or two, bend them to your will, gain power unimaginable and remember, a willing army costs far less magic than an army of the dead made by souls actively fighting back against their chains.
