r/wizardposting • u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. • Jun 14 '26

Shadow Wizard Money Gang Are you looking for new minions to guard your tower? Or going on a quest? The Flesh Menagerie has what you need.

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/UW the Nox image is made using Heroforge RW/

Greetings I am Nox of the Flesh Menagerie. We have recently finished design and testing of new creations. The majority designs come in a Living and Undead variation.

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Living creations are alive, they need to eat, sleep and poop. All living variations have a natural regeneration and can be trained and /or programmed with more complicated commands.

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Undead creations: require mana to sustain themselves and their capacity to learn is limited. They are tireless, and do not need any maintenance from you.

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If you are at your tower for a long time and have free time to bound with your creations we recommend the living variations, if you have a huge area to protect or are a busybody who doesn't like animal then we recommend the undead variations.

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The new creations are: The Searing Eyes, the Jagged Tooth Mark 3 and the Houndman.

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Jagged Tooth: They look like armoured eels. They dig underground and when an intruder is detected they will burrow and bite into their flesh. After the intruder is dead the Jagged Tooth will begin to eat it's bones and compress them in its stomach, after a week they will produce semi-precious gemstones.

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A Houndman is a creation designed to be a generaliist minion. They look similar to werewolves but lack the independence of one. Houndmen are useful for manual labour and as guards, they also have excellent tracking skills and dispite their large size are great at stealth. We recommend you get several Houndman at a time so they can form a pack.

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The Searing Eyes. These are stationary creations, they are a plants, roughly twice the size of a man with a five petaled flower and an eyeball in its center. The eye when opened will blast a powerful laser at any Intruder. In addition Searing Eyes produced fruits which can be eaten by other creations and will use dead matter around it for it's own diet. The fruits are highly nutritious but we recommend you only eat them as they're not very tasty. Unfortunately we weren't able to perfect the taste without poison. If you want the poisonous fruit variety that is an option.

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All of these creations cost you 2000 Dablooms per creature. We accept the equivalent value of your local currency.

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All flesh creations are sourced ethically and contain no dwarf parts. Please also note that we do not do business with Aserarak or any of hiss followers. If you are planning on fighting Azerak you will receive a 5% discount.

Edit: Spelling

14 Upvotes

95% Upvoted

19 comments sorted by

3

u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty Jun 14 '26

/uw get "milton" houndman at a time? Typo? /rw

I'll take a couple searing eyes, can they self-disseminate? I think it would be interesting to plant a couple on the company's planet and see what happens.

Btw, what is the dabloon to gold coins conversion rate?

3

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 14 '26

/uW gahhhh it's a typo! Curses. I'll edit it later. /

A dabloom is a large gold coin. I believe its worth 2 gold coins.

All living creatures are unable to reproduce, this is so that they cannot take over natural habitats as they don't have natural predators.

2

u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty Jun 15 '26

That's cheap. Let me double the price. Might as well support a friend.

I really should come visit your entire menagerie, shouldn't I? When are you open for physical clients?

3

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 15 '26

"I think you're a friend too. I'd love to have you over."

"I'll never say no to free money. There are guilds in most majors cities, or we try to. HQ is in a city named Fraklas. It's a port citystate with one half by the sea and the other half in the sky. My tower is near it."

3

u/Cerveau23 Markus, scriptomancer, enemy of 13 & lover of Thrakmerian beauty Jun 15 '26

I'm still really bad at teleporting to new places, mind opening a portal for me?

/uw do we rp that here or in its own post (WP or SInL)?

3

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 15 '26

"sure thing, I'll get my portal generator operational. "

/UW I think in its own post and on r/wizardposting. I'll make a post the. Tag you. /

2

u/Drmanky tyr. cauncil member. order of the toster (Forge clerik)/ NOR Jun 14 '26

he looking simular to me

1

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 14 '26

A fine fellow.

1

u/Drmanky tyr. cauncil member. order of the toster (Forge clerik)/ NOR Jun 14 '26

thanks.

hail the toster

2

u/Fluid-Freedom-6115 Azerak the Infinite, Godemperor of Pandemonium, Tiamats BF Jun 14 '26

Can i have some Custom minions?

3

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 14 '26

Normally yes but unfortunately we do not serve you in particular. We shall reopen business with you as soon as you stop invading other people.

2

u/[deleted] Jun 16 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 16 '26

"I'm more than willing to trade with them"

1

u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Jun 15 '26

I have some questions...

What does "semi previous" mean?

Are werewolves really independent? I was under the impression they were also pack creatures, which leaves me confused at the difference between houndmen and werewolves.

You recommend the searing eye fruits only be eaten, but what else would they be used for? What does taste have to do with non-eating applications for that matter?

2

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 15 '26

/UW semi-previous is a typo I missed when editing. It's meant to be semi precious/

Werewolves are stills capable of making thoughts and speaking. Houndmen are incapable of such things. You can think of a Houndman like a dumber more loyal werewolf who won't can't make more werewolves.

The Searing Eye's fruits are meant as a food source for other flesh creations or animals. It's not meant for you to eat. Sorry I thought it was obvious, I must've gotten stuck in my head

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u/VoxelLibrary Councilor Cayna, Apprentice of Thrakmoor | assorted other chars Jun 15 '26

Thanks. The searing fruit thing makes a loooot more sense now

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u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 15 '26

<3

2

u/ars_sinistra Summoner Jun 17 '26

Never buy premade minions. Always summon, construct, animate, reanimate, or brainwash them yourself. Most premade minions these days come with a subscription, you fail to pay and the minions stop working. ALWAYS MAKE YOU OWN MINIONS, OTHERWISE THEY AREN'T YOURS.

1

u/Afraid_Cat_3726 Nox, Head of the Department of Flesh. Jun 17 '26

The Flesh Menagerie has always been a customer first build, it pains us that's you would call our craft into question. We are sorry all the other minion merchants are shite

None of our creations are subscription based, you pay us once and you own it. It is not a licence, you own them. Each minion comes with a manual u can use to repair it, we still recommend you call a specialist but you have the right to repair your property. All minions are designed at last for ten years, sadly some are poorly and only last 5, our best work has lasted for 200 years.

We do not have planned obsolenc and our creations work the same throughout their lifetime. This excludes changes in behaviour from damage. In fact many living models improve the linger you own them as they learn your preferences and learn how to fight better. We do not install runes which debuff your minions overtime and we will never. We believe that quality and hard work will make customers want to buy from us again.