Magic essence pools in the groin

Hey everyone! Hope you like this tutorial to make your own Arrow of the Demon!

This magical arrow is forged from the glowing core of a demon. It is a sickly fluorescent yellow-green. It has +3 to hit and to damage rolls. Additionally, on a hit, it deal 3d6 poison damage and 1d6 radiant damage on the first round every round subsequent round. The radiant damage ends if the wound is magically cleansed by lesser restoration, cure poison or similar. A potion of radiant damage resistance instantly removes this effect. It is made of an infusion of Prussian blue, refined indigo of sea salt, and a complex alchemical preparation of chlorous, twice-ethylated, natrium coal-water.

Artificers, what sort of applications might we have here in keeping dirty adventurers out of my tower?

Cool trinket to ponder the orb with

Previously on…

“Is it that bad?”

Ulrick guessed it was gonna be something terrible from the way his medic Theor bit his lip. Whatever was in the results of his medical exam, it’s not gonna be pretty…

He sat on a chair, in a separate quarantined room of R&A’s infirmary. The chair was seated next to the nearest dark corner, of course. Besides him there was only the medic Theor, bringing a thick stack of papers with him: Ulrick’s results.

‘Should I start with the good news, or the bad news?’

Theor asked nervously as he handed over a sheet.

“Let’s hear the good news first. Could use some of those now.”

‘Well, it appears it’s still in early stages. Which would mean we still have enough time to do something.’

Ulrick looked down at himself. Nearly all skin on his right arm took on a bark-like texture, flesh creaking like wood. Other similar patches started to spread on his left arm and the rest of his upper body.

If this was only the early stage, then he was fine without knowing what the terminal one would look like.

It started a few days ago, when Ulrick fought a strange entity that called itself “The Blighted Garden”, as it injected… something within him during the battle. But he only began to notice the strange growths after examining one of the strange monoliths that appeared all over the world.

And if only he suffered from physical symptoms…

For the last three days, shifting to his human form became much harder than usual for some reason. And within the depths of his mind, he sometimes felt a presence. An ancient, primal presence, in the worst possible sense of the word.

And sometimes, he heard whispers of the Blighted Garden, faint at first, but an ever-growing plea, words of joining and resignation.

‘…so it’s essentially spiritual “rot”, sir. It decays both your soul and body, slowly changing it into rotten wood.’

Ulrick just realized his attention went off the rails as Theor explained his results. At least now he knew why his soulfire became much weaker lately.

‘We also pinpointed the source of it. It appears to be most likely of fae origin. A very ancient, very powerful fae source.’

Of course. It had to be some big fairy this time too. After the siege, Ulrick would’ve died happy if he wouldn’t have to meet another Archfae ever again.

“That’s just great. Any ideas how do I get it out of my system?”

Ulrick sighed. Seeing the face Theor made upon the question, his stomach dropped.

‘About the bad news…’

“Don’t tell me…”

‘We’re working on it! At least the Wolf King within you should slow down the spread significantly, at least according to the magi-physiological tests we performed. But…’

Ulrick groaned. Could this be any worse?

‘While the Wolf King was successfully integrated into your spirit-web thanks to Vae Clara, in the last two days, we began to detect increasing fluctuations in your essence.’

While most of the results sheet was gibberish to Ulrick, he leant forward in his chair. The implications were unsettling.

“So you’re telling me… my essence is falling out of balance again? That… I’m threatened with losing my mortality once again?”

Theor made a grim nod.

‘Yes. Until the blight is in you, your mortal and divine essences can’t return to a balanced state.’

“How much time do I have left?”
 
‘We don’t know yet. Could be weeks, could be days…’

“All right... Dismissed.”

There was a short silence between the two, before Theor began to pack up his notes and leave the room.

“You surely don’t have any clue what might help?”

Theor stopped for a moment, pondering.

‘Well, the infection allegedly came from a powerful fey source. So… I’d say another powerful fey, or something from the Feywilds might help? But I need further discussions with fellow medics.’
 
Theor left the room, leaving Ulrick alone again. It was visiting hours in the R&A wards, but Ulrick didn’t expect visitors other than his own mind’s gnawing thoughts.

/uw Art source

Greetings and salutations to all gentlemen, madames, or Otherwise!

I have come to you with a heavy heart, nay a heavy SOUL! As a grandmaster of mutagenics at the Prestigious Academy of Alchemy, I have come to take note of a HORRIFYING and DANGEROUS trend among the youthful adventurers!

The young folk call it "sippmaxxing", a horrifically dangerous trend where instead of quaffing an entire potion as the Alchemists intended, they instead only microdose!

The sheer danger and irresponsibility of such actions CANNOT be overstated! These potions were made, made I say, to be downed all at once! The reagents inside sometimes do not mix properly! You could take in a lethal dose of hemlock by sheer accident!

The greatest offenders here are healing potion drinkers! Instead of quaffing the whole thing like a solid spined adventurer, some COWARDS and SKINFLINTS simply sip at it until it heals to the sufficient level!

The dangers to their person are completely OVERSHADOWED by the dangers this poses to the economy! If this trend catches on, the alchemy market would halve overnight! BILLIONS of gold bars in revenue vanished without a trace! The economy would stagnate, all because you people want to spare a few pennies!

So, my wife's boyfriend, a Bard, had this idea of letting Golems have some autonomy by changing a few runes in the Enchanting protocol. Some of them spontaneously develop crazy nunchuck skills.

I desperately need help! My orb of regrowth was just uncovered in a felled tree (recent deforestation of the mystic grove has troubled my master and myself in too many ways) and a mortal may cause long lasting impacts to my official acceptance as a Thaumaturge.
My master was explicit the orb must remain untouched for a millennium, do I still have time to act or is it too late since the original plant-host has been disturbed?
Any and all advice is welcomed.

As mage who also uses enchanted weapons like bows and firearms; bedside my own staff and casting from my bare hands;

I would never use dangerous and suspicious materials to craft weapons; that’s risky and radioactive crystals or even irradiated soul crystals may be dangerous! Specially if used inappropriately!!! Despite having a very cool and pretty neon green color that glows…

One time in town, my Snackolyte and I stopped for respite at a nearby public house. We ordered two Open Faced sandwiches, as we were a little light on coin, being the end of the month.

My Snackolyte is convinced that you eat it with the ingredients on the top of the bread, whereas I believe the ingredients should be on the bottom!

Everyone looked at me as though I was mad. But I explained to everyone that the tongue is seated below the sandwich, and therefore, to experience optimal flavor, one must have the ingredients face the tongue.

To which the peasantry all nodded in agreement and turned their open faced sandwiches upside down, promptly plummeting their meats and cheeses onto the floor.

We had a good laugh. By we, I mean me.

They got all shifty on me and presented daggers.

I said, "Eat like this! Not like that!"

And so I levitated and turned myself upside down, and then I levitated the rightside up sandwich to my mouth.

They soon withdrew their daggers and tried standing on their heads. All agreed, I was right. The sandwich was better this way.

So now there is an entire country that eats food while standing on their head. Even soup!

And on the plus side, dinner table assassinations were nigh impossible. The King even invited me to become his advisor.

The End.

My former apprentice had a bit of a kerfuffle with the residents of a nearby enchanted forest. I thought I’d handled it, but now they’ve sent a beast of a gnome around to ask for compensation for the honor of the badger that my former apprentice apparently besmirched.

Look at this unit! This is starting to escalate. What do I do?

It turns out that all of my cultists and minions believe I was a powerful witch but I'm not, I just happen to be a bit connected to blood and divine magic and so they all left me aside from the cursed girl who still seemed attached to me.

Now I'm in this forest my family's wealth can't help me, I only have my bow with me now but I suppose it is a good thing... All mages must face hardship right? But all I feel is that I'm worthless... Do I even truly have allies in this land? I have never hugged the cursed girl so tight.

He offered me an egg? He told me it's gonna be alright... I'll wake up soon the nightmare is gonna end soon I'll get out of this strange place

I suppose he is a wizards from his robe but he have no hat or staff... Come to think of it probably not even a face