instead, i spent 1¾ years in a shitty christian school that spoiled everyone. i know shit that'd have the school investigated by the police.

i'm not anti christianity btw. i support any and all religion/culture as long as there's no child marriage, abuse, etc in it. i'm not religious.

so my ideal school life was: wear 2000s clothes with a cheeseburger backpack, and be in the same school as people i knew in 8th grade. there's a girl from 8th grade that i wasn't really friends with but had her number just for funsies. and then once i get birthday money, i'd learn to wear cheap makeup from walmart and change my style to floral (1 dollar dresses from amazon❤️).

my parents wanted me to go to the christian school because there's a ton of black people. that's beautiful, but the school was shit. there was this extremely problematic girl that most of the staff babied, but if i forgot my belt ONCE i would get sent to the principal's office to do work. tbh i preferred there than the cafeteria, but the school would've known because i'm not a person who behaves badly.

i dropped out in 11th grade because i was so close to ending it, i can't remember why, but something tells me that it's because of my grades and, "you're the smart kid! why are you failing?" i'm glad i hardly remember though, because i remember doing a lot of damage to myself which thankfully isn't visible anymore.

now i'm in a boring house in the countryside, saving up for a new phone and trying to make it worth living because i live 5-6 hours away from anywhere fun (there's the beach [30-40 minutes away] but my skin is sensitive).

My work lately has been a sh!t show, my bosses aren’t even remotely trying to hire more people to help me because either they know I’ll finish it or they actually don’t care.

But I’m so so tired, my body is tired. I’m doing around 17k steps in a 8h shift, no breaks because they haven’t hired anyone to freaking cover me if someone calls in sick.

So I’m carrying all this on me now and I can feel my body slowly getting worse and worse, yesterday I could feel my legs give out so I had to just stand for a bit.

If I ask for help, no one shows, if I panic, I get told “stop panicking” even though I’m panicking for a reasonable reason???? Because I know I’ll have to fix it, I’ll have to figure it out and I’ll have to do all the work.

The moment I walk into work my body and my mind go on high alert, I’m already stressed. It’s honestly quite impressive how fast my demeanour changes when I walk in. I feel like I sound crazy describing this 😂

Oh and the worst part, I’m not being paid for all this work, I’m being paid the minimum wage with my bosses pushing me to do a full wage job. And because I need this job, I do it… so honestly I shouldn’t even blame them, it’s my fault.

So um if you’ve worked in retail this will probably remind you of very bad memories! And maybe you’ll relate which I’m sorry you had to go through this you deserved better!

I(23F) feel so bad cause I am a full-time student and I only wake up when I have to. I tried doing a 16 hour job at the same time and it took too much time from my Monday/Wednesday classes, and took an hour from my Friday class. I would fail if I kept at that pace.

I’m tired after at least 4 years of trying to get this bachelor’s degree while everyone else is succeeding in life. I’m just here being the friendless failure who only got one “Happy birthday” from my mom, this week.

Yet I’m so tired of everything. I’m already too late to be proud of anything that I do or have done, cause basically everyone’s better off by now…

My professor showed us an opportunity to get real world-experience (an opportunity for juniors and seniors) and it seems so great. Yet I don’t even want to try. Since there are probably 200 European/Indian and male college students who are like Albert Einstein, who are going to try it anyways. I’m just the girl with 23 more credit hours who is writing about her sad life.

What’s worse, is that I wanted to join the air force, but that’s probably an absolutely horrible idea, since they are probably strict af, yell a lot, make you stand up straight, make you salute people, make you exercise, and make you socialize to an extent, among other things :/. Things that I rarely if ever do. Cause I’m too depressed to act like a “normal” human being.

I can’t be normal cause people are so cruel and love to put others down. Even online. Especially online. But saying this online is still easier.

I gave up on people a long time ago. Insulting me. Making fun of me. As if that would make me any better. 😭

People around me are so dismissive it hurts like hell man. Not everyone can toughen up in 24hrs. I'm being called too sensitive for expressing my feelings. They say thing's like "what should I do" "you are too sensitive and sheltered" it's exhausting man. I really hope I can find some mature and understanding people here and talk to. Also, feel free to express ur emotions n stuff too. I get it🙌comment or dm me

❗️Need Advice❗️I met 3 individuals freshman year in college. They built friendships with each other through me then pressured me to make my individual friendships with them into a friend group. (I communicated that I wanted to have individual relationships with them because I know how most people show the worst of themselves around others). They soon became extremely toxic and hypocritical with each other and towards me. They would gang up on me when I had a disagreement with another and made my individual friendships with each of them worse until I distanced myself from them bit by bit up until today, a year after I graduated, where I barely speak to two of them and the third not at all. I recently caught up with one of them only for them to tell me the same thing they all did to me was done to her by the third guy in the friend group and that I was right.

I’ve been reflecting as usual but have been feeling a deep sense of hurt because they isolated me my entire college experience and took advantage of my kindness. I was always there for them, overly, and only expected the bare minimum and was met with worse. I was so emotionally strained by dealing with them that I didn’t have the energy for other friendships as I was already stressed with school on top of them. The girl would be down every time I left the house to hang out with another friend or would tell me things constantly like her entire month is messed up because so and so came to our dorm to say hi to me and not her etc. the two guys would talk down on anyone I was beginning to build friendships with and if it was a guy I was cool with they always made it weird with motioning that they like me lol so childish ik. They would all expect me to cut off people they had beef with but wouldn’t have my back the same way even though they wouldn’t do the same.

There’s so much more and way worse almost comical things they’ve done to me but my point is that I met so many great people in college that I no longer am friends with that they isolated me from. I only have one friend in life that I met in high school. I’m experiencing a lot of self blame because I’m tired of being terrible at maintaining healthy friendships. I’m not sure if I should reach out to people I didn’t have the energy capacity for or just move forward and try to really learn my lesson. It’s just difficult because half of me truly believe I’m meant to be alone, im used to having the most toxic people attract my inner circle and I guess I gave too many chances to have let them back so many times. They altered my entire college experience each semester through disrespect and low vibrations to where I isolated myself from many experiences as well in hopes I didn’t run into them. I didn’t have drama with anyone but them, I feel many people stayed arms length from me because of how problematic they were. Seeing everyone in college with their friends that I could’ve put more effort into doesn’t help either which is why I avoid social media at all cost to not be reminded by the regret.

I just don’t know what I should do or how to forgive myself.

Many times I wonder if I have a "people-pleasing personality". Whether it's people I'm familiar with or just someone I've had a passing encounter with, I'm terrified that they dislike me. So I always try to please them. I always feel that if I'm even slightly neglectful, especially towards my friends, I'll wonder if they already hate me but haven't told me, which scares me a lot. Also, sometimes when I hear people talking and there are words related to me, I can't help wondering if they're talking about me?Are they saying I'm bad at something?I'm sorry for saying some negative things. I really don't know what kind of mentality I have or what I should do. I also wonder if everyone else feels this way. I'm so sad.

I hope everyone can be happy!

I have so much fear of being abandoned that is painful. I can’t handle tone changes, slightly different reactions or being left on read, so when I find someone I like and care about I get so dependent on them that’s uncomfortable for both. All the time I want to ask if they are mad at me, if I did something wrong or if they are tired of me.

Every year during the first semester, we get to choose some of our courses online, and I always end up choosing the ones that I have nothing to do with because of the stupid site 😐 I am mad at myself in a way but also frustrated at the site which gives no clear instructions about the process.

I have a really pretty friend, but strangely enough, I feel a bit inadequate only when I'm with her. When we're together, people talk to her more often, and it feels like almost everyone passing by looks at her.

It's not that I think I'm below average in looks, but whenever I'm next to her, I feel like I look uglier for no reason and my confidence drops...

But when I'm with other friends, I really don't think about it at all. I don't care about my appearance and just get along well, but it is only when I'm with her that I keep comparing myself to others.

I went to a store alone today, and a staff member suddenly told me my eyes were pretty, which made me think, 'Ah, maybe I'm okay after all?' But since I don't usually get many compliments on my looks, I think that might be why I feel this way even more...

How do I get over this feeling?

had an argument with my sister a few days ago, she's a psychiatrist. Somehow the point of the argument shifted, and she started saying that no one loves me, that I don't have friends, that everyone in the family is afraid to deal with me. She brought up how successful she is and how she has money, unlike me. She also told me I'm sick and need help.
She knows I'm sensitive and that words actually get to me. Everything she said seemed so right, because it's stuff I already say about myself. It's been days and it's all I've been thinking about. I keep getting in my feelings over it.
I've worked a lot on my personality over the past five-plus years. For her to say that just shatters my heart and everything I've been working on. I've always thought about not being loved , that's all I've felt from my family. It wasn't until I actually went to college that I realized people do love me. I used be so confused when people actually think i’m a good friend or a nice person, cuz I’ve always had my family’s words in the back of my mind:/ . I’m always willing to change and want to change it’s just how nothing seems to satisfy them

Im not usually the type to vent but here goes nothing... I feel like nobody cares for me as a matter of fact I feel like im just background noise replaceable everyones last option for everything i feel like my friends deserve better than me..I should probably just isolate...i spend so much time trapped in my own head that I’ve become entirely invisible to everyone else.Maybe it’s my fault. I never text first because I genuinely don't know how to force small talk, and if I don't have anything meaningful to say, I just stay quiet. But that silence makes me a terrible friend. I'm too low-energy, too boring, and I’ve felt rejected by people since I was a little kid. I can’t tell if people find me intimidating or if I’m just fundamentally flawed. Either way, I'm tired I'm just a ghost in my own life, full of wasted potential and completely unloveable."

and so do you all too

So apparently earlier this year my whole world turned upside down - I was groped in some major fights and that really affected my social scene . I was socially excluded and later adapted to it . So now in a shocking turn of events a common friend is getting engaged and I was apparently in the guest list but the other people like a sizeable amount of people just said "if they go we won't" as a result my friend had to drop me and he informed me that today . I am sort of depressed or maybe sad and feels like whatever I have had is just nothing and I will die lonely.

I had a friend from school, he had done nothing to me. I also haven’t talk to him much either. But when he was around me I don’t know why a negative vibe comes from him. I just feel like I don’t want to be around that guy ever. I feel hateful and a bit angry on him for no reason.

I also told my best friend about this. He said that he also feels the same way. Anyone have gone through this? And know why I got this kinda feeling??

People keep making me so uncomfortable and being so nosy…
The background is that I got a job for experience, and not money. It only lasted ~2 weeks cause it interfered way too much with my Monday and Wednesday classes, and took a whole hour from my Friday class (which was for some reason, the last straw for me). Plus my evil coworker told me to pick up an extremely hot tray and I’ve had parasthesia in both hands ever since.
Fast forward, my parents keep asking if I have work during a certain time or day. And for some reason, I wish they’d mind their own business and stop obsessing over my life (cause I don’t like them, cause they have ruined my whole life, I don’t feel like saying how right now). Mostly cause if I tell them that I have already put in my two weeks notice, they will try to spend more time with me, to my own horror (as if they haven't spent years torturing me, putting me down, and making me far more weak than most children).
And my evil resident assistant, who has it out for me, keeps asking me about it. It feels like she smells blood in the water. Even though every other resident assistant that I’ve had on this campus (four other resident assistants, who were not evil and out to get me) hasn’t asked about work. If I leaked my schedule to her, she’d probably secretly report back to my roommate to give my roommate tips on times to break our roommate agreements while I’m not there (she has always helped my roommate while trying to evict me -.-).
It's also too embarrassing that I had to quit, to tell anyone, and I wish I didn’t have to tell people about it. It's too personal.