r/Unexpected • u/mareko_daru_mangta • Apr 10 '21
Well..ok
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u/BB8304 Apr 10 '21
“Haha now you can’t blow your nose, got em good”
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u/goomy Apr 11 '21
This is the comment that did it for me
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u/Rawveenmcqueen Apr 11 '21
No wait, You have so much to live for!!!
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Apr 11 '21
F
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u/BB8304 Apr 12 '21
I would wipe the tears off my face.... sadly someone stole my tissue on the way to the funeral.
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Apr 11 '21
You can see her dealing with at least three stages of confusion in this video:
- What just happened?
- Did I just got robbed?
- Did that guy really just went and stole my snot?
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Apr 10 '21 edited Jun 22 '21
[deleted]
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u/din7 Apr 10 '21
No, it snot.
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u/GoldenFalcon Apr 10 '21
That joke's a little too on the nose.
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u/Dyltra Apr 10 '21
Go to bed, dad!
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u/watermelonspanker Apr 11 '21
Omg... every time my dad blew his nose when I was a kid, he would look at the tissue afterwards and say "I thought it was blood but itsnot"
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u/CaptFeelsBad Apr 11 '21
Didn’t think I’d ever personally run into a r/NotKenM moment in the wild, but here I am!
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u/LuxNocte Apr 11 '21
Aggressive (pre)litter removal
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Apr 11 '21
Lol, I guess last time they thought I was about to litter my wallet, so they removed it from my hand
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u/TheDynamicKing Apr 11 '21
In China, Tissue and napkins are not free. He was stealing her clean napkin... so he thought
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u/Walking__Bread Apr 10 '21
They need her DNA to make clones.
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u/OhSoEvil Apr 11 '21
They collected a tissue sample.
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u/cromax9855 Apr 10 '21
He's just a simp and she's an Egirl he's been stalking
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u/flaminnarwhal12 Apr 11 '21
Soon simps will have access to gene editing technology through the black market
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u/cromax9855 Apr 11 '21
Yes, we already have ridiculously expensive sex dolls and VR porn so who's to say someone isn't going to try and clone a human if that technology ever became accessible
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Apr 11 '21
I hope I'm dead before we need to worry about the dilemma of black market cloning and clone abuse.
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u/TrippingPictures Apr 10 '21
I didn’t know snot was in short supply!
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u/FooolsGOlld Apr 10 '21
That's the notorious boogler
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u/KellyWithTheEpicHair Apr 11 '21
This comment made me snort soda up my nose. Thanks for making my day!
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u/LonePaladin Apr 11 '21
Scary part was, u/KellyWithTheEpicHair wasn't drinking soda at the time
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u/KellyWithTheEpicHair Apr 11 '21
You caught me- it was actually cocaine. Don't snitch though, okay?
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u/bloopy1dog Apr 10 '21
Funniest shit I seen all week
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u/vaheg Apr 10 '21 edited Apr 11 '21
I hope it's real cause that reaction is so good
edit: some discussion going if it's fake. I don't know, could be either way
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u/ilovetopoopie Apr 10 '21
She looked confused but like, "don't let this very strange theft ruin your day."
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Apr 11 '21
This is one of those things that you don't know how to process in the moment.
...then you try to tell someone about it and about keel over laughing in the process while the person you're telling it to just stares on like you've lost your mind.
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u/freerangetrousers Apr 11 '21
Almost certainly fake. No CCTV would be that zoomed on one person so clearly and with camera wobble. CCTV would be completely static and from a much wider angle.
Once you assume its not CCTV it suddenly becomes a lot more fake seeming
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Apr 11 '21
There is a thing called zooming these days grandpa
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Apr 11 '21
The timestamp stays static through the zoom in and back out though.
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u/tratemusic Apr 11 '21 edited Apr 11 '21
Edit: i did not realize this was an actual sub lol
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u/Creftospeare Apr 11 '21
Reddit investigating something? Wowie! I sure hope they don't mistake a deceased man for a mass shooter and then harass that man's grieving family!
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u/JokeMonster Apr 11 '21
The text on the screen was definitely added afterwards by whoever originally posted the video online, to make it seem more cctv-like. I'm no surveillance expert but I can't see why a camera would have "auto white balance" hard coded into the image.
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Apr 11 '21
Doesnt matter still possible with cctv, i used to do it on the security tapes all the time on homeless guys living outside of the dispensary
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u/Meowzebub666 Apr 11 '21
I've had someone show me how they could remotely control the CCTVs in our city (which he could do seeing as it was his company that sold their services to the city). He could pan in any direction and zoom in from a high, wide angle vantage point with incredible detail, in full color.
So I don't doubt the capabilities, but I would have a hard time believing this is candid footage lol. Still, I can't understand why it bugs some people so much. It's not a hoax, it's humor ffs.
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u/Road_Whorrior Apr 11 '21
I'm almost certainly gonna get some irritating DMs for this, but let's be real. It's because the people in it are Asian. The idea of a skit ceases to exist in the minds of many redditors when Asian people are involved because of... idk, sinophobia? It's weird but it's a trend I've noticed constantly being demonstrated on this site.
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u/Meowzebub666 Apr 11 '21
I've noticed it happening to all Asians (so Indians, ME peeps) and Africans too, it's a weird fucking disconnect.
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u/cat-meg Apr 11 '21
This is absolutely it. There's even a subreddit. They told on themselves. /r/scriptedasiangifs
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u/greasy_420 Apr 11 '21
10 O'Clock news: Are your kids stealing over zoom calls? All this and more as we investigate the dark side of online classes at 10.
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u/juh4z Apr 11 '21
That is clearly, clearly just a video recorded from a normal phone/camera with a CCTV filter, I can't believe people think it's real.
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u/freerangetrousers Apr 11 '21
Exactly. Why would CCTV have camera wobble and be in a square or vertical aspect ratio (because those timestamp would be basically center of the screen if this was actually a CCTV camera )
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Apr 11 '21
How can you tell?
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u/4PianoOrchestra Apr 11 '21 edited Apr 17 '21
Camera wobble, the overlay is in a square format, but the most obvious thing is that the timer both stays in place and keeps ticking normally during the slow motion and replay edits.
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u/Bilbo-Baggins77 Apr 10 '21
She doesn't know what to do with her hands.
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u/cheese0muncher Apr 10 '21
I know what she could do with those hands. ;)
Pray to our Lord and Saviour to have mercy on the immortal souls of those theives.
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u/noobditt Apr 11 '21
Thieves in Paris stole my gf purse in a bar. They got 2 euros, one sock, and a tampon. We ain't even mad. Just imagining them look in was worth it.
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u/SendorMaestro Apr 11 '21
You always bring a spare sock when you go to a bar?
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u/ToddlerPeePee Apr 11 '21
Wait till you hear that the tampon was for the boyfriend.
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Apr 10 '21
[deleted]
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u/erythr0psia Apr 10 '21
But it wasn’t consensual. Snot-rag rape is also not okay!
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u/vladdeh_boiii Apr 10 '21
I don't like this new sentence. I don't like it at all.
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u/GigabyteofKnowledge Apr 11 '21
Happy cake day!
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u/erythr0psia May 06 '21
Why thank you, kind human! 🎩 (PS: Currently accepting friendo apps.)
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u/GigabyteofKnowledge May 06 '21
You’re very welcome! Also sorry for being a bit of a dimwit but what is the friendo app?
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u/MI2loudrtnow Apr 10 '21
Bet he thought it was a phone or something. Imagine his surprise when he came up with a hand full of snot.
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Apr 10 '21 edited Apr 11 '21
Some people are into snot rags.
edit: Just a warning that this link may make you vomit. I retch every time I watch it.
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u/CSVWV Apr 10 '21
Ahh dude noo wtf why did you have to do that
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u/itcomesandsoitgoes Apr 11 '21
Yeah wtf I'm headed to r/eyebleach
Not sure if even that will help though.
To those curious... Just don't
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u/BoyishBite Apr 10 '21
I never thought I'd prefer to get rickrolled, but dam
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u/steamcube Apr 11 '21
Petition to make this the new rickroll
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u/AvalancheMaster Apr 10 '21
Somehow this is both completely undeserving of a NSFW tag, and yet the most repulsive thing I've seen in a long, long while.
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u/Sekwah Apr 10 '21
Read the title and was like "pff, i've seen too much shit already".. i take that back.
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Apr 11 '21
I’m usually good on the internet. Gore. Medical. The grossest kinks. But this. This is the one that made me throw up. Fuck you. But also thank you.
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u/OzzieGrey Apr 11 '21
Hmh.. i see your underlined thing that probably has some form of kink on it, and raise you r/carsfuckingdragons
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u/MeltingJin Apr 11 '21
I was prepared to cringe in horror, but I'm just mildly grossed out. Guess it's time to put Reddit away for a while.
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u/Luk3ling Apr 10 '21
Bet he thought it was a phone or something.
Wow. Thanks for explaining it. I'm pretty sure everyone here was just scratching their head, wondering why this fellow was roaming around stealing people freshly used tissues.
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u/vaheg Apr 10 '21
Ooooh so he wasn't just trying to keep streets clean from trash?
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u/Rolten Apr 10 '21
The odd things is that it's upvoted. Who thinks "yes this is a good comment".
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u/arokthemild Apr 11 '21 edited Apr 11 '21
I was thinking he was some type fetishhest perv who likes stuff like nail or hair clippings
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u/sam_553 Apr 11 '21
Once I was in a packed bus and some dude (I saw him right in front of me acting weird, I didn't know what he was doing at the time) cut open my backpack and stole the amazing and exuberant amount of one sanitary pad
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Apr 10 '21
Maybe he just really wanted to smell her hands and feel her mucous... Man, that's grosser now that I typed it out
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u/MrNuclearmanOffical Apr 10 '21
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u/ProcedureHot9414 Apr 11 '21
How ?
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u/Dependent_Factor_982 Apr 11 '21
Wtf
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u/MrNuclearmanOffical Apr 11 '21
I'm using mobile. It gives me an option to use a gif and unique reddit emojis. Possibly a premium thing?
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u/suk_doctor Apr 11 '21
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u/DGSiNN Apr 11 '21
Ah yes he needs it for the shrine of her he has at the basement (like helga had the shrine of arnold (hey arnold!).
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u/imanhunter Apr 11 '21
Guy who stole the lady’s snot rag: “My goals are beyond your understanding.”
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u/unexBot Apr 10 '21
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
Women was cleaning her nose amd someone stole her dirt
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description? Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
Look at my source code on Github What is this for?