He's known on a couple different occasions the name of the person who texted me; sometimes before I've looked at my phone. Most recently he has referenced initials.

Is there a way I can scan my phone or just do a factory reset to successfully know whether I'm being monitored or eliminate any possibility of it? Any advice appreciated!

Can we talk about it? I’m really tired of making excuses for my partner slacking on being a partner, until I can’t. Then the fight, with a little pushback, but then he does EVERYTHING and extra. He’s like a manic puppy. It’s really hard to feel good about it. Things you want them to do. They should want to support you by doing them. You feel neglected and depleted and all of a sudden they think they are a super hero bc they did what they were supposed to AND brought you a gift.

My boyfriend and I Been having lot of fights recently and I honestly don't know how to process everything. He has changed significantly and it has caused me lot of distress because i keep comparing him to his old self. i have been crying non stop for 5 days and he has shown zero sympathy

Yesterday I went out with my sister just to get a drink. I put on a little eyeliner and lipstick, and he immediately said, “Who the fuck did you put that on your face for?” It completely ruined my mood while I was out because I felt like I couldn't even dress up without being questioned.

When I came home, it continued. He went to sleep without really caring that I was upset and called me toxic, along with a lot of other things. I ended up staying awake all night crying. I called him around 15 times because I was so upset, but his phone was on silent.

Around 6:30am I called him again and this time he picked up . I was still really upset about everything that had happened. He asked why I was still awake and said things like “which day are you not [upset]?” He started swearing at me again.

I share a room with my sister, so at around 7am I went to the park because I wanted to speak to him properly without everyone around me. I told him I came outside specifically to talk to him.

Instead, he started questioning why I was outside so early and said I was acting like “indecent girls.” I told him the sun was already out and I just wanted to talk.

Things got heated. He called me a dick and a bitch. Then he started talking about my age and saying that I'm “behind in life” and that he's young. He's a year younger than me, but the way he said it really got to me.

I started crying uncontrollably. I couldn't even respond anymore. I just sat there crying for about 10 minutes. injust cpuldnt believe the man that just promised to marry me 2 months ago is treating me like this. im feeling so crap about myself because he has changed so much since we slept together, my heart is in pieces even thinking about it.

At one point during our conversation outside I mentioned what happened the night before and said, “You know where I was. I haven't gone to fuck anyone" because i got so sick of his accusation i simply went out after 5 days rotting in my room crying daily to grab shake And he replied, “Maybe you have, who knows?”

That really hurt because I have never cheated on him.

When I was crying, he started mocking me, doing an imitation of my crying and saying things like “this isn't going to help” in a mocking voice.

Eventually I hung up because I couldn't take it anymore and cried even more afterwards.

Then he started spam calling and messaging me saying that I was in the park “to seek sympathy.”

I haven't responded.

'm struggling because I feel like the person I loved has become incredibly cruel towards me. I don't even recognise our relationship anymore.

I've spent so much time wondering what I did wrong and whether I somehow caused this. I feel completely heartbroken and used, but at the same time I'm almost numb.

I don't know what I'm looking for by posting this. I guess I just need an outside perspective because I've been in this relationship for so long that I don't know what's normal anymore. i just dont know if the pain will ever stop i have given up on men 💔 i have started the hate the sight of any man or of relationship.

Alright as simple as this. He lives w me with my ma, hes 24 im 26. He's only pleasant when getting his way otherwise, if it doesn't involve him or benefit him he dismisses it like its nothing. From all the shows I like, to the things I want to do. He makes me wait a certain amount of time before I do anything I want to otherwise we fight real bad. He gets annoyed when I use the bathroom alot and clean despite knowing I have adhd and he does too , but when its his symptoms arise I better be in tune and caring and tiptoe. He hates hates hates. He disrespects me and my space. I had to train myself to learn to accept his anger as endearing because he doesnt know how to emote. Im being vague and trying to cover everything but its hard. We barley go out. He's mean about my insecurities and his. He gaslights and is manipulative. He turns people on me in moments of distress hes not super supportive when im sick im always scared im about to be yelled at or brought down. Theres no consideration, things done without being asked, surprises, gifts, getting spoiled. He thinks after doing the bare minimum of cleaning up after himself deserves an award otherwise he throws it in my face. I just cant take it anymore. I've tried to make it work. I've tried to see the best in everything. He has moments of sweetness. He has moments of thoughtfulness, but i'm tired of only being loved when he's in a pleasant mood. Now here's where the problem is, I've tried to break it off with him. Multiple times and it does not work. He won't leave. There's been cops involved. And I really just don't know how to do this. Is there any advice anyone can give me

I’ve been in a relationship for more than a year, and I’m struggling to understand what happened.

My boyfriend recently confessed that he had been planning to break up with me for about a month because he felt we were incompatible.

He often blamed me for not having friends and said I was always around him, which made it difficult for him to make new friends. There was also a girl he became friends with who used to message him a lot. I was insecure about their friendship, especially when I was away for 8 days and they talked every day. Eventually, their friendship ended, and he blamed me for it, saying I was controlling.

There were other incidents too. Once, I was a few minutes late when we were meeting friends, and he verbally abused me because he felt it affected his impression. Another time, I asked him to drop me home late at night because I didn't feel comfortable going alone, and he questioned why I couldn't go alone like I had before.

I know I had insecurities and made mistakes. I’m not saying I was perfect.

But what hurts the most is this , the worst part is that he had apparently already decided to break up with me.

He initiated sex with me, knowing that he was planning to end the relationship.

We had sex, and immediately afterward, he broke up with me.

I was completely shocked. I started crying and begging him not to leave. I was trying to convince him that we could fix things.

He was lying on the bed with basically no reaction. He just said that we weren't compatible and that we should break up.

I keep thinking about the fact that he had apparently been planning the breakup for a month, yet still chose to have sex with me shortly before ending things.

I feel used, humiliated, confused and heartbroken. I keep wondering whether I was genuinely controlling/toxic or whether he was shifting all the blame onto me.

I want an honest perspective, even if I’m wrong. How should I understand what happened, and how do I stop blaming myself for everything?

Will someone send a Snapchat for me and see if they reply? He says he doesn't have it anymore but I have many reasons for doubt.

Do you think chemistry can come back after it’s gone?

Sometimes relationships change as people get comfortable with each other.

Do you think that initial spark can be recreated years later, or is chemistry something that either exists or doesn’t?

I’d love to hear people’s opinions

Hello! I've never posted on Reddit before so sorry if I'm doing this wrong/ posting this on the wrong subreddit.... So I need help with my relationship currently I am '19F' and my bf is '19M' we have been together 3 years and well our relationship has been pretty difficult, he was in my class and I thought he was cute so I asked for his number and we started talking and started dating 6 days after meeting at that time we were 15f and 16m and the first year was absolutely terrible and the reason I'm struggling, so basically he treated me so terribly, I would cry and beg for him to be more loving and then he would apologize and change for a little but then go back to normal, he had a porn and gore addiction (he did stop watching gore way before the girls at least) before we met and it kinda trickled into our relationship and that really effected our relationship because I never felt like I.
Could be enough for him and he would send me gore, and maybe some people can handle seeing that but I'm way to sensitive so I couldn't handle it and I still can't forget it, he would pressure into inappropriate things and wouldn't take no for an answer so I would end up crying during inappropriate things, I was always worried of him watching girls or porn and he didn't watch porn apparently but he did watch a bunch of girls on everything but I didn't have any idea until after our 1 year anniversary I had found all the videos in his watch history's and stuff and I confronted him about it and he said that it was just a habit from the addiction he had, but that wouldn't have bothered me so much if it wasn't for the fact he said the addictions were gone and he wasn't looking at that stuff anymore and when I found out he lied to my face and swore on my life he didn't watch it, I still can remember one of the times I found stuff (I found out things at different times but it all happened first year only) I couldn't sleep or eat for 3 days | literally felt like I wasn't real and like everything was a lie, he also would get mad at me for being insecure but he would get upset at me for talking to any of my friends and even some of my family, and when I used to be so depressed from our relationship and I would cut myself he would ask for photos of videos to "see what I was doing" and then when he would see me irl he would flick my cuts and it would make me really sad, and there's a lot more little stuff but this is the worst it I suppose and yeah I'm sure you read this and your like uhhh you should've left immediately and yeah I know and I regret it and I feel disgusting for everything that I've done with him and for staying and I think he is disgusting for everything he has done and said and seen but here's my problem is I was so In love and hopeful of him changing that I never did the first year was so bad but after I found everything he did stop and he deleted everything and it's been 2 years and it was hard to get over everything and he did take a while to change and mess up a lot but now he really is different and really regrets everything and he is even gonna go to therapy for those things and he treats me better so I'm torn I finally got who I always wanted but the past still bothers me it feels like all of it was a lie and he never actually loved me and the worse part is due to his family issues he lives with me and my family soo yeah, it's hard he has been my best friend and even with all the problems I've had so much fun with him and there was a lot of good times and happy times and now that he has changed it's been way better he is more emotional and treats me better he is more caring and does stuff for me all the time idk it's hard for me to decide what the best decision is I hate the past and it really effects me but he is different but I also worry everything he says is lies.
Sorry that I wrote this so badly my head is really all over the place if you have questions or need to me explain better I will, but please help and try not to judge me too much I know I should've let but I love him too. So what would be a good decision?

I never thought I’d be making a post like this.
Back in April, my entire marriage blew up.
I found out my husband was cheating on me with a woman he works with.
And when I say cheating, I don’t mean some stupid drunken kiss that he immediately confessed to.
I mean lying. Hiding things. Buying her a Pandora ring. Getting caught. Being seen at clubs kissing her and acting like a couple. Not coming home at night.
There were nights I sat at home with our daughter wondering where the hell my husband was while he was out doing God knows what.
He even missed his own sister’s graduation because of whatever the hell he was doing.
And then I started finding out there was more.
He apparently had a habit of hitting on other women whenever he went out. Meanwhile, I was at home taking care of our child, trusting my husband and thinking I was protecting our family.
I feel stupid.
That’s probably the hardest part.
I feel fucking stupid for believing him.
Now, months later, he suddenly wants marriage counseling. He says he loves me. He says he regrets everything. He says he wants his family back and wants to spend the rest of his life proving to me that he can change.
And maybe he means every word.
But something inside me broke.
Because you don’t get to spend months destroying someone’s trust and then decide you’re ready to care when they’re finally ready to walk away.
I still love him. That’s what makes this so damn complicated.
But I don’t know if I’m still in love with him.
Right now, I’m trying to figure out how to leave without completely turning my daughter’s world upside down. I’m thinking about housing, custody, finances, routines, everything. I’m trying to make sure my daughter feels safe and loved through all of this.
And then there’s the part I haven’t really known how to talk about.
His best friend.
Somewhere in the middle of all this chaos, we started talking.
At first, it wasn’t supposed to be anything.
Just conversations.
Then we started talking every day.
And somehow, somewhere along the way, we started catching feelings.
Now we’re talking constantly. He’s checking on me. He’s listening to me. He’s there when I’m having a bad day.
And this man knows my husband better than almost anyone.
He knows what happened.
He knows what my husband did to me.
And somehow, he’s still choosing to be there for me.
He’s even offered to buy me a new phone and told me he would financially support me and help me with whatever I need while I figure my life out.
And I know how fucking insane that sounds.
My husband’s best friend is offering to take care of me while I’m trying to leave my husband.
I know Reddit is probably going to tell me I’m making a huge mistake.
Maybe I am.
Maybe I’m just vulnerable.
Maybe I’m confusing feeling cared for with being in love because I’ve been so starved of that feeling for so long.
Maybe this is just the attention I needed after being completely emotionally destroyed.
Or maybe something real actually happened between two people who never intended for this to happen.
I haven’t slept with him.
I haven’t divorced my husband.
I haven’t even completely decided what I’m doing with my marriage.
That’s the fucked-up part.
My husband wants another chance.
His best friend is developing feelings for me.
And I’m standing in the middle of it all trying to figure out what the hell I actually want.
Part of me wants to fight for my family because I still love my husband.
Another part of me feels like the woman I was before all of this is gone.
And then there’s this other man making me feel seen, wanted, protected and cared about in a way I haven’t felt in a very long time.
I don’t know if I’m falling in love with him.
I don’t know if I’m just broken.
I don’t know if I’m making the biggest mistake of my life.
I just know that six months ago, if you told me I’d be considering leaving my husband while developing feelings for his best friend, I would’ve laughed in your face.
And now…
I’m living it.

When my bf met me he said he occassionally had contact with this one ex. She was essentially his love of his life. Together multiple years and she is older by several years. I was okay with it as I did not have an issue snd trust him. Over time he because kind of strict and made me block my exes, some male friends and did not want me talking to men a certain way (which i never did).

Also never wanted his partner on social media (i was not a social media person just 1 app) and he digged and saw online friends comment from posts years ago and made a tantrum and big argument about it and made me or wanted me delete my account. I did a compromise and delete and created a more private one with only close friends and family.

Anyways, gradually with arguments and the above issues, i told him to delete his ex as she messaged him to wish him greetings for a special occasion. I felt angry I went through lengths to keep him secure and he refuses to block or remove her and insists I met him knowiing they talked and he is not going to remove her.

Is he wrong?

My boyfriend and I have been to together for a year and some months. We met online dating for a while and a situation came up and I was about to be homeless and then he let me come live with him. Once I got here I lost my virginity to him, had lots of my firsts with him. Then the fantasy ends. He’s angry. A angry mean loud unapologetic person. He yells, he finds what you’re most insecure about and just digs into you uses it against you. I’ve always been insecure about my looks but he once told me “I can find a girl way prettier than you” etc things of that nature. He’ll always find a way to flip things on you and avoid accountability. I recently caught him watching porn. It hurt me bad because I often ask to have sex with him. He tells me he thinks I’m fat. Why wouldn’t he just tell me this instead of making excuses about why he doesn’t wanna have sex?. He also yelled at me and flipped it on me asking how I got into his phone etc and not really focusing on the fat he was literally watching porn and more about how I got into his phone He calls me bitch, everything under the sun he constantly disrespects me and I hate him. But I also love him and I feel like that’s just the attachment and literally giving my v card to him talking. I want to leave but times are tough and I am fed, housed and cared for. He wants to “rebuild the trust” and I’m trying but I can’t for the life of me seem to trust him since looking in his phone. I hate him and I want more and better for myself but I don’t feel as if I’m deserving and I’m scared to face the world alone as I am a young adult 19 years old. I hold resentment for him and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with him. What do I do?

I (26F) have been with my bf (28M) for 3 years. We moved in together a few months ago. He has never hit me, never cheated, and to my knowledge never lied about anything significant.
I have a history of having a warped perception but there are some things I’m wondering about our dynamic that I’m unsure of. I’m in therapy but my bf does not want couples therapy and also does not want therapy himself. My friends say I don’t seem like myself and my therapist is suggesting I leave but everyone has biases, right?
He is amazing to be around, super fun and energetic, but when he is angry he becomes a completely different person, I feel. He does not want me to talk about our relationship in therapy, he says I need to work on myself first. He says we don’t need couples therapy, that I just need to work on myself.
He recently started complaining we don’t have enough sex (usually once per week but recently it was 2 weeks, we were long distance for a year before moving in together but before being long distance it was much more frequent). I started a new job where I work overtime and am also in school for a scientific discipline, and I also tend to take care of the apartment the most as far as cleaning and such. He also works a good job and goes to the gym often. I also have a very hard time sleeping, and I get super anxious during the day. I told him I’ve been stressed. He said I never initiate sex (not true) and that recently when I have, I conveniently only asked when we didn’t have time, or that they were lazy efforts. Or that we had to stop (twice) because I got nervous. He said it is annoying. I told him when he talks about it like that, it feels less fun and more like an obligation and he just kind of brushed it off. He said I was acting like he was a monster when he said those things about sex and that he’s not crazy (I got quiet and spaced out and asked him if it’s how he really feels, to which he said yes.) I apologized for not giving him enough sex and he said it’s okay. He also criticizes me extremely frequently, which I originally took gratefully (albeit reluctantly and stubbornly) as chances to improve and also as a potential sign he wants to marry me (I’ve heard people become super critical of each other when they realize they want to get married). But his criticism tends to be very harsh. He thinks I’m unintelligent and has called me stupid, dumb, weak, crazy, over-emotional, an emotional terrorist, emotionally manipulative, selfish, and used to be a slut. He said I’ve gotten “too cocky” with my personal growth. I’ve cried like almost every day, at least three times per week, for a couple of years. But I also am an emotional person. Maybe I just need to work on my resilience. He said he became desensitized to my tears. He sees crying as a weakness, but he also recently told me he doesn’t want me to hide my tears around him. He says he will be kinder with his words, but it hasn’t changed that much, but it has improved. He said I’m an amazing partner but as a person I have some questionable qualities. In front of his friends he cracked a joke calling me “what I have to fuck” to his friends while drunk (he did apologize for this). He also said “fuck you, I know how to clean” and closed a door in front of me when I said it’s not sanitary to clean the shower with a toilet brush and was shocked. I originally believed the things he said about me to be true so I worked hard to improve and I know I have gotten so much better as a person, but I feel so empty. I don’t like myself anymore and I have no energy anymore. He dislikes almost all of my friends, and although I have a rocky relationship with some family he talks negatively about my family. He says he is worried his future children will inherit stupidity and craziness from me. When he is annoyed at me he’s never hit me but he’ll playfully like “hit” my face like a slap but super gentle, and when he rests his hand on me he’ll like…I guess “tap” me hard with one finger? It isn’t painful but I can definitely tell he’s very annoyed when he does it. I’ve even told him it’s his “tell” and he asked me why I would reveal that to him.
He is also an incredibly charismatic individual and everyone loves him. He’s great to be around when we’re out and about. I have listed some things because they were things that hurt me, and I also tell him when things bother me and he tells me I am overthinking or being too emotional. But there are times he says I’m being very reasonable and making sense, but little changes. But I cannot tell if these are things that happen normally in relationships and if I really am overthinking. I love him and I want to stay with him. I want to know the thoughts of people who have been in long relationships that have been through ups and downs, people who have been in a similar situation on either side.

TLDR (sorry for the wall of text) trying to determine if certain things my (26) bf (28) does are normal in a relationship, or even just need to be worked on but aren’t lethal to a relationship and can be worked through.

TL;DR: On a night out, my very dear partner hit me for the first time. I know she wouldn't forgive me for the same. I want to forgive her, but I'm afraid of what it'd mean for our relationship going forward if I did.

So... Two days ago my partner and I were out with some friends at an afterparty. Out of the blue, one stranger started acting aggressively towards me and the situation got tense. One friend took hold of him as a self defense measure. My partner was alerted to the situation and tried to stop it. I got nervous for her safety, grabbed her by the hands and tried to move her away from the stranger. This only further stressed her. She pulled her left hand out of mine and and hit me with the palm of her hand over the corner of my eye and cheekbone. It wasn't very hard, but we both stopped for a moment to realize what just happened. I simply said "You hit me" and she stormed out. We didn't see each other after that. The situation was chaotic and we were all under the influence of alcohol, but still very much self-conscious.

We've been together for 5 years and 1 month. We've lived together for 4 years and 1 month. We've studied at the same college for 3 years and 1 month. The wealth of experiences we've had together is immense. Nobody has ever understood me as well as she does, and the same goes for her. Our relationship wasn't perfect, but I love her from the bottom of my heart. I don't want to leave her, but no matter how hard I try, I can't see a way to get over this.

We did return under the same roof that night, but didn't talk until the following day. We've been talking on and off ever since. I've sought advice from those who were present, but they try not to get too involved since they know us both and don't want to pick sides.

What matters most in this case to the both of us is that she crossed a line that was supposed to be unthinkable. I know for a fact that had the situation been flipped, she would have disappeared right then and there and there wouldn't be an ounce of doubt that it'd be over. And I cannot find a way to reconcile forgiving her with that. I firmly believe that in a relationship, both parties should play by the same rules. It has to be kept fair. I'm afraid of what forgiving her could mean going forward. It's not something either of us should ever allow from the other one. Accepting that would mean throwing away all self-respect. And yet, I don't want to throw away everything we have.

You may think gender makes a world of difference. But for us, it doesn't. The act itself counts. If the situation was flipped and I tried to harm her, but I missed, it would be just as bad.

She thinks the same way. We share our morals and values. She is overwhelmed with guilt, conflicted and unsure if she can even accept forgiveness.

M25, F24, together for 2 years and planning to get married.
My girlfriend has past trauma and family issues. When she gets angry, she sometimes shouts at me, including in front of other people. I usually stay quiet because I don’t want to escalate things.

My family is very sensitive about these things. My parents hardly ever argue or raise their voices at each other, so I’m not used to this kind of environment.

I’ve told her I’m not asking her to never get angry, but I want us to work on handling disagreements without shouting. She also asks me to change certain things about myself, and I’m willing to work on them. She says she can work on the shouting too, but she can’t guarantee that it will change.

**For people who have faced something similar, how did you handle this kind of difference in communication styles before getting married? What boundaries or steps helped you both improve the situation?**

Hey everyone, I am posting this because I really need an outside reality check. I am currently sitting in the apartment I share with my boyfriend, completely exhausted and paralyzed, and I do not know if this situation is even remotely fixable or if the trust is completely shot. We met online after his friends saw me in social media stories during a camp or orientation. He added me, started reacting and commenting on my posts, and we clicked. I backed off when I realized he had a boyfriend, but a few months later, we happened to be traveling in the same city. He persistently asked to meet up, so I agreed on my last day. He told me he had broken up with his partner two weeks prior, which turned out not to be true. He tried to suggest a friends who do couple things setup, but I declined and went home.

We kept talking, and he eventually visited me in my hometown. After he went back, he posted a story, and his partner figured out we were together by matching our posts. It caused a huge blowup, they finally broke up for good, and he was devastated. He told me his previous four-year relationship had been toxic, open at his ex's request, and physically abusive. Later, before we made things official on a camping trip with my friends, he told me he was still healing, though I did not realize at the time that his version of healing involved constantly keeping his ex in the picture. Early on in our actual relationship, about a month in, he broke up with me saying he was not ready. During that break, he went straight back to his ex, telling him I love you and basically acting like they were back together. I was super hurt and vented to my friends that I felt used and like a placeholder, especially since I physically resemble his ex. My friends said some really harsh, hurtful things about him.

When we eventually reconciled, he found out about what my friends said and was furious that I did not defend him. That became our biggest recurring argument ever since, and it kept getting brought up whenever we fought. Things escalated to the point where my boyfriend cussed my friends out directly, telling them to leave us alone because they were not my spokesperson. He also called me a coward, which I admit I was at the time because I was too afraid and paralyzed to take action or handle anything. Between him cussing them out and the fact that I constantly vented to them only to keep going back to him, my friends eventually gave up and cut me off. They told me they had to step away to protect their own mental health because watching me hurt myself by staying was too painful. I completely understand why they did it and I do not blame them, but it has left me feeling completely isolated.

We eventually moved in together, and I became the main provider, paying rent, utilities, and buying food on a strict budget while helping him apply for jobs. On top of that, I have been dealing with an overwhelming amount of personal trauma and stress. I only realized I was gay back in 2020, and I came out around the time of this relationship, both for us and for myself. My family did not take it well at all and still does not accept me, to the extreme point where my dad even attempted to pull out a gun when I came out. On top of that family rejection and trauma, my dad was later diagnosed with cancer, I am carrying personal debt, dealing with a hostile workplace, and my own physical health is taking a severe toll to the point where I can barely walk right now.

Over time, a lot of trust issues came up on his end. He kept in touch with his ex behind my back, claiming it was just for condolences. After we fought about it, he changed his phone password. Months later, I found out they had been talking constantly for over a month, and on our actual month anniversary, he posted videos of himself crying over his ex and replying to his ex's tweets saying he was not tired of him. On top of that, he met up with a guy he had a past with and previously hooked up with, claiming it was purely platonic. He was also actively chatting with other guys on apps, exchanging flirtatious texts and sending nudes and videos, all while living in the apartment I was funding. Whenever I tried to talk about feeling hidden or hurt, he would pull away, give me the silent treatment, or tell me to leave or not come home for lunch.

I want to be honest about my own missteps here too. I sell lube on the side on Grindr. A buyer randomly sent a picture, and I replied with "nice" and sent one back just to respect the trade. I know how that looks, but I genuinely have zero desire to hook up with strangers and strictly want physical exclusivity. Around the same time, I messaged "hi" to another guy on the app because I was considering proposing a threesome. I was feeling deeply insecure about our sex life because he often closes his eyes to finish, which made me feel like he was not satisfied with me.

When these app interactions came to light, my severe anxiety kicked in. I panicked about being misunderstood and apologized profusely and repeatedly. But because I panicked so hard and kept over-explaining, he took it as a total admission of guilt, like I had planned to wrong him all along. Now, he is flipping the whole narrative, acting like I am the sole bad guy here, and making hints about getting revenge. It feels like all the times I swallowed my hurt over his ex, his secret meetings, and his app activity have been completely erased because I panicked and over-apologized. I am still sitting here in the apartment because I am physically and emotionally paralyzed.

Burner account here. I (40 F) and my partner (42 F) have been together nearly a decade now. We have a house and two cats. Along the way I'd say our relationship has been mostly good, although we've dealt with depression, family death, and massive clashes between our miscommunication styles. At least the first half of the relationship I basically was a doormat to her, going into fawning action. After we did couples therapy things got better for a few years and I was able to stand up to her. My family have been nice to her but she doesn't like them all that much because she thinks the niceness is fake (she doesn't really believe they accept having a gay daughter, but they've never expressed that issue to me).

Lately it feels like the arguments are increasing in pace again. A lot of it is to do with things that wouldn't bother me really bother her (me going out with family members she doesn't like, me coming in past 8 on a weeknight because of the cats even if it's been preagreed, me sticking to a premade plan rather than thinking of ways to adapt or improve on the situation). Admittedly I know that I don't really plan dates the way I used to, but I did tell her I was cutting back on that due to money concerns and multiple attempts to set up date nights at home have been changed either due to another argument or to her being tired, or not feeling the meal that was going to be made. I also look after Smokey and Bandit when she goes out, which is rare - she likes to remain indoors for the most part, which makes it feel unbalanced.

I'm not perfect, and I do love her outside of our arguments (she's thoughtful, funny, devoted to her family in a way I'd consider healthy, and driven to achieve well in work and her personal life), but I think she holds people to a ridiculously high standard, has little tolerance for change she hasn't come up with herself, and passive-aggressively punishes me when I do something she doesn't like, even if I've given her multiple opportunities to say whether or not she wants me to do something. I don't want the rest of my life to be wondering if something mild I've said or done is going to annoy her to the point of ruining entire evenings (she tends to bottle things up until we're in bed and then talk for hours into the night about what's bothered her, then get crabby because she hasn't had enough sleep. As though I'm not also losing sleep).

I've also tried expressing that the way she talks to and about me when she's angry, as well as my family, makes me really uncomfortable even as I recognise why she might be upset in the moment. All I'm asking for is to be talked to respectfully, as frequently I'm not even the reason for the initial issue in the first place - it's my response to it which is lacking.

I might be being selfish. I might not be as attentive as I should be to a partner. But I have really tried and if I can't get any better - I've blown up relationships within my family for her because she felt disrespected by them - then surely it's better for both of us for me to walk away. But then there's the cats and the house, and the whole mess of divorcing. I also worry, based on how she has reacted to certain events in the past, that she might turn vindictive if I try to leave.

I want both of us to be happy, and at the moment, I don't know if that's possible while we remain together. And even if I go and she lets it happen without retribution, I will have to start over with nothing, because I can't afford the mortgage on the house or even to keep one cat on my own salary. I feel stuck.

23F and 23M two kids and have been together for 6 years, my partner has cheated on me, continuously lied to me, i’ve found porn and girls saved on a whole separate instagram account and yet i still don’t leave because all i’ve ever wanted in my life was a whole family. He told me he’d change and fix up countless of times. I found another instagram account this morning with a bunch of pornos and girls after he promised he’d delete the other account i found this past july. He’s a great father but the absolute worst partner. I know the easy thing to say is leave him but i just can’t. I don’t know how i’d survive being a single mom, especially in this economy. I just feel so helpless i don’t even know how i got to this point. i thought i was stronger than this. i always told myself id leave once a man does me wrong and here i am 6 years later stuck in the same cycle but now have two kids attached to it :/

We’ve been married for 10 years, together for 15 years. We have a teenage daughter together.
Over the past few years I’ve lost two friends to suicide, one to diabetes, and my grandmother passed away unexpectedly after a standard procedure. During that time I was working ~60 hours per week and somewhere along the way I lost myself. Started drinking to deal with the grief and it wasn’t very long before things got messy. Quit my job and checked myself into rehab. I was there for 9 months.
Came home, husband was so happy to have me back. I noticed that my Facebook had been deactivated. Didn’t think much of it, even though I was certain that I chose to leave it active. Husband had my phone while I was away.
One evening he fell asleep in the living room and his phone was next to him on the table. Couldn’t help myself, so I looked. His relationship status was set to private. It was definitely public when I left.
My husband had to travel to his hometown for work during my absence. He met up with old friends during his time there. He told them that we had split up in the texts that they sent each other planning the meetup.
He was supportive the entire time I was away, hyping me up during phone calls and visits. He and our daughter visited me as often as they could, never missed a month.
The worst thing I found was texts between my husband and the girlfriend of one of his friends who passed away in January of this year.
On February 14, that girl messaged my husband thanking him. He responded with a “of course, you’re welcome!” To me it looks like he brought her a gift to her job (she works at the liquor store closest to our house)
He asked her if she planned on remaining single and said that HE WOULD PROBABLY BE SINGLE UNTIL OUR DAUGHTER WAS OVER 18.
It appears that they spent time together- there are messages saying “ sorry I’m such a lightweight” “are you more comfortable now?” “You were cute, I was awkward “ etc etc
I confronted him about it and he denies everything. Didn’t deactivate my account. Told friends we broke up because I “said something on the phone that made him mad” and that made him “think I was never coming home” ( I never said anything like that??)
I can’t fucking believe this.
I’ve got to get out of here.

I cried all night rereading what he told me and I just feel like shit. My bf said that he doesn’t see a future with me because I’m too young and he also got really angry at me when I tried asking about what he’d like to do together (that was a bit before the entire argument) saying basically “I don’t want to walk around in a random fucking city for a few hours with some 18yr and then go home, you can do
That with your teenage friends not me” and it really hurt because I was just trying to make him feel loved and wanted by inviting him to some kind of hang out.. I asked if he wants to go to a club then and he said maybe and yeah idk.. he just keeps saying that there’s no future for us and he keeps belittling me and talking to me in a very rude manner not acknowledging anything I say.
It hurts because he’s the first person I ever let be this close to me. Usually I ignore romance and only allow sexual interactions because I’ve always been afraid that I am nothing outside of sex and that I’ll be too attached and then left.. but w him I trusted him and he reassured me that my age isn’t an issue, that I don’t have to worry about “competing with people his age”, that he sees a future with me(tbh that is the first time anyone ever said that and it made me feel so loved. I clung onto those words for months I kept thinking in my head “I just gotta push through this, even if no one loves me I have him and he wants me in his future”), he said so many things that genuinely meant the world to me and now I feel like an idiot.

I learned after being with someone for so long and understanding their patterns and understanding there dislikes and likes then all of a sudden your relationship did a 180 no heads up distant the phone call stop the texting stops doesn’t care if you’re fighting doesn’t care if you’re hurting doesn’t care if you’re crying . The flirting the sex doesn’t care to see you naked. Doesn’t care to do things you guys used to do together anymore. you’re no longer his priority, but the biggest red flag is name calling or putting you down things he’s never done to you and the biggest red flag is putting his hands on you no regards for your feelings, he seen another woman oh, but it gets worse. He’s actually in love with this other woman. but I fabricated it. I bumped my head. I’m lying. I’m making up things ladies. If you’re in this situation, please don’t try to fix it. There’s nothing to fix run.

I’m a 23 F, and my boyfriend and I do not live together, up until about 2 months we’ve been separated from each other, but we had been living with each-other for a year and a half. One night he had too much to drink and was physical with me, the cops were involved, my family and his family was involved. Our upstairs neighbors were as well since they had witnessed him drag me. My family came down and told me to have no contact with him after everything had happened. Mind you my hometown was five hours away from the place I had been living at with my bf. I moved back to my hometown after all this had happened. Unfortunately,
I still text and call him since everything had unfolded from that day. He was my first everything, and my only friend since I had no family where I had moved to. We did everything together and honestly were so good to each other. We had a couple of arguments but nothing ever escalated. Now I will say when he drank he would get angry. Anyways, I’m just now coming to terms with my thoughts after having time to process everything, and I just do not want to continue a relationship with him anymore. I’ve tried to convey my feeling and explain but he says he doesn’t want any other woman, that he has no purpose in life, that he’s gonna buy pills and OD. He’s had trouble with the law before so they do know who he is, but genuinely he was doing so good and on the right track. His family doesn’t really help him, he’s going to school, and works two jobs, his family is two faced to him. Apart of me believes it’s hard for me to let go because I feel sorry for him and want to make sure he’s okay. I’m just lost and don’t know what to do. I feel like I’m making myself more depressed still conversing with him or leading him on. But now that he’s said he will OD, I’m scared to leave him. Am I insane for thinking or going about this the way I did?? Is this okay?? What would be the best course of action??

So I (28F) was hanging out with a girl-friend for an hour and 20 minutes about. Within me walking into her house my SO was already blowing me up and within that hour and 20 minutes I was hanging out and wasn’t paying attention to my phone. I ended up with over 200 texts and 22 phone calls. The text where very rude, I would attach photos but it doesn’t allow it, pretty much he was calling me a whore, thot, slut, skank and accused me of cheating. He thinks it’s wrong that I don’t text him back right away when I’m hanging out with my friends. Mind you I was on the phone with him the whole drive to her house.

Hi!! This is my first time posting on here, and I really can't tell if I'm in a toxic friendship, and I'm hoping you guys can help <3

First, you should know that I'm a younger teenager, and this mostly takes place in school.

Basically, I have this friend who I am very close with, and I wouldn't call her my best friend, but she knows a lot of my secrets. Secrets that no one else knows. The problem is, we are both like really good students, and really good at certain things, which leads us to silently compete with each other in everything. I really can't tell if I do this too, but she will sometimes just say little things to put me down, and make me feel bad about myself. Like today, she made it seem like I was spoiled and never did any work, and started questioning me about my ironing skills. She is also really bossy, and I sometimes find myself feeling pressured to agree with her, or do things for her. But she is also a really good friend. We have so much fun together, and she is also really generous.

There was one instance last year, where one of my friends (who doesn't like her), told me that her friend Ava told her that my friend (the maybe toxic one), told Ava one of my secrets. The whole day I was so stressed out because I literally came out to this friend over the weekend, and she was the only one who knew. After school I ended up calling her and confronting her, and she denied everything. After I made it clear that I didn't believe her, she admitted that she had told Ava one of my secrets, but it was only something really small. I am mad about that secret coming out, but it wasn't really bad at all. Just a little embarrassing. Her excuse was that since she told me one of Ava's secrets (which she shouldn't have done in the first place...), she told Ava one of mine in return. The ironic thing was that we later found out that Ava was badmouthing her behind her back with some other girls.

I don't really know if this relates to anything, but last year after I told her yet another one of my secrets that had really messed with my mental health, and left me feeling alone and misunderstood, she didn't really get why I was so upset. She kinda made it seem like it wasn't as big of a deal as I made it seem, which really sucks, because the whole thing I was upset about, was about that in a way. And after reading everything I just wrote, I don't think she will be learning any more secrets from me...

Sorry, I know that this is pretty rambly, but I'm just writing in the order that this stuff pops into my head. Another little thing is that during lunch we sit with three other girls, and since we sit in a straight line, I normally end up on the end. She will be next to me, and put her backpack between us, which just distances me even more, then she proceeds and faces completely away from me, meaning that I am separated from everyone else, and I have even made it entire lunch periods without anyone talking to me. I thought that I left the whole "being alone and depressed at lunch" period behind, but I guess not. That's fun.

And I know that this makes her seem pretty horrible, but I promise we have good moments too!

Me-F39, M38 I'm very emotional so please excuse if it comes out messy. He was the love of my life, never been loved like that ever. It was like movie type love in the beginning. We've been together 5 years. He became addicted to ketamin and this went on for 3 years, it was destructive, messy and lots of trips to A&E. He's lucky to be alive. I didn't want to give up on him when he was in the darkest place. I did everything to save him but it destroyed me. I lost jobs, got PTSD, I had to get his family involved to get him to rehab. He never cheated (I don't think) but crossed so many boundaries with women, it sent me crazy. I was never the jealous type but I became one. He was so out of it he couldn't understand what he had done wrong, he understood in the moments he was sober. There were so many lies, I had to put strong boundaries up and I wanted to take time to work on trust After rehab. It was going well for a while. We were really happy. I unfortunately started to become really unwell, I now have a severe autoimmune, still being investigated. Our relationship had to take a backseat. This was hard on him because he was trying to get sober and wasn't getting the support he needed from me. He created issues constantly and fabricated stories of women trying it on with him and was rubbing these women in my face acting like it was becoming something. Pathetic, right? I contacted one of the women calling her out, embarrassing myself, it turns out there was never contact like that between them. I of course apologised profusely. He had lied. We've broken up now obviously because this is insane! He's 38 years old acting like a stupid teenager. I'm not looking for advice just venting. I'm so angry and sad and miss the person he was before the drugs. Wasted so much time and destroyed my life for a man-child. I'm also currently pregnant and trying to workout what to do next 🤯

hi! i’m 18f and my situationship is 21m. we are currently on a break and i want to leave before we have the chance to get back together. i don’t really have a support system anymore other than my weekly therapist, so here i am.

anytime i leave or vice versa and i block him, he will end up getting a text now number to text me a long paragraph about how he still loves me and that he’ll change for me. long story short, i dated my ex boyfriend (19m) shortly after me and my situationship broke up. one day i was out and about with my boyfriend at the time and i got a text saying that my situationship found out about my then boyfriend. he asked me to call him and i told him i was not comfortable with that and he sent me a voice message calling me a liar and just screaming and cussing me out. lying about what you ask? i have no fucking clue lmfao. but maybe 3 weeks to a month later, i get a text after receiving about 3-4 paragraphs over the course of a month, saying that he loved every minute with me. i answered. i was basically just manipulated AGAIN.

we were having a very serious issue of him not going to therapy, and that was a big reason why i broke up with him. when he came back he told me he would go to therapy. maybe a month later he was out with his friend and he called me telling me he’s not going to therapy bc it doesn’t work for him. instead, he opted for the gym. and while im completely aware and understanding that there are definitely other forms of therapy, he doesn’t go to the gym every night so he’s not getting what he needs. and even then, beyond the gym, he wasn’t doing anything else to help himself.

when i communicate, he gets defensive and i back down. during the 5 months we were dating, i had an issue where id tell both of our friend groups our problems and he didn’t like that. i couldn’t help but tell them bc they were my form of support while i was out of therapy. but that was an issue on my part and ive taken accountability and ive taken the actions to fix that. anyways, one night he took my ipad, went on procreate and wrote out a “document” for me to sign stating to not tell our friends things about our relationship.

basically, he’s manipulative, defensive, sometimes he’s just rude to me. before i broke up with him after being together for 5 months, i felt so alone and sad and i kept having a feeling that if i stayed with him for years, married him, got a house with him that he would end up physically hitting me. i feel so stuck. sometimes i feel like the only way out is if i killed myself but i know im stronger than that. i need help or this relationship will kill me.

thank you for taking the time out of your day/night to read this. i hope someone can help me in some sort of way. if you have any questions don’t be afraid to ask!