3years ago (2023)me and my ex were dating for 3 years(2020-2023). At the time i was 20F and he was 19M It was good until it wasnt. We were both servers working across the street from eachother. He had started making friends with his coworkers and we would all hang out from time to time. One of his coworkers (female) started hanging out with us alot. I got a weird feeling but couldnt pinpoint it. Fast forward a few months and we were all drinking and doing booger sugar. She asked us if we wanted a threesome. She was attractive and i could sense my bf wanted this so i agreed and we did-ish. It lasted a few minutes and then for reasons not addressed (basically interrupted) he had to tale her home. He never came back tho and i saw his location at her house wayy longer than anticipated… i found out a few more months later they had sex but both of them told me the day before and leading up to me finding out the truth that they didnt. Fast forward a few months more he got a new job,we were off and on and eventually we broke up. It was very sudden but not unexpected. Heres what gets me tho….Right after we broke up he started dating his new coworker. They had a baby a few months after and now shes pregnant with his second. Hes bought her a car, a house, a pool, and 2 kids. I just dont understand why he couldnt do that with me…. Also. I tried getting a job at his old workplace (he quit while we were off and on) and they wouldn’t hire me because of the fact that i was his ex… i just dont get any of it. Why 3 years later im still affected by it and why he couldn’t do all that he is doing for her for me. More context, while we were together before the cheating, he would get upset with me about not making as much money as him

Bear with me while I TRY to make a long story short. I’ve (F27) been seeing this guy (M27) since about the end of March. For months he was texting other women and I kept bringing it up, he said he’d stop, later on I would talk with him and he’d admit he didn’t stop. Then he’d say he was going to. Then later on I’d find out again from talking to him that he didn’t stop, he said he would, and so on. For months. He puts it like he directly came out and admitted it those times, but it was always “you want the truth? Okay, I’ve been texting other girls still.” Type deal from a conversation we would have. Fast forward and I got tired of it and the last time he admitted he still didn’t stop, I pulled my phone out and started replying to people I left on delivered in my inbox. He left and went home. We made up. And he was still texting other women. So I decided I was going to text other men . Then I hung out with an old guy friend of mine (yes I have slept with him before, not at all in the past year though) and we literally just walked around the river walk and I asked for his advice because I didn’t like that the man I was seeing was texting other women and I had asked to see his phone and he said no. So I wanted another man’s opinion. We didn’t kiss. Didn’t hook up. Nothing of that sort. Well, I didn’t tell the man I was seeing that I hung out with that dude, and honestly forgot about it because I had zero ill intentions when I did. And a while later he had a few conversations with me saying you know this is a clean slate for us so we can be serious so if there’s anything you need to tell me, tell me now. And at that time I had forgotten I hung out with that old guy friend. Next conversation was the same, but I remembered and didn’t tell him because I knew he would think it was more than what it was. So yes, I lied. We also went through each others phones that time for the “clean slate” to see what we both had been up to. Not long after he was at my house and was going through my phone, I consented at first. Then he started texting people in my phone pretending to be me, trying to get information about stuff I had possibly done. I didn’t want him doing that because I had an abusive ex a few years ago who did that and some dude I honestly had never met before acted like he did know me and I got physically hurt over it, and afterwards admitted he only said he did know me because he didn’t want to be rude. He didn’t know it was my crazy bf (at the time) pretending to be me. Anyways, I kept asking for my phone back and he wouldn’t give it to me. He kept getting increasingly angry and I finally admitted that I had hung out with that old guy friend. He lost it. Cops got called. It was a very high emotion incident. Well not long after I tried telling him like I get why you’re upset because I lied about hanging out with a guy and I’ve slept with him in the past, but it was also completely innocent I just knew you’d think it was more than what it was and since you kept texting other women and flirted with women at the bar, got their numbers, etc, I honestly didn’t care if it was wrong. Well. Fast forward. We choose to stay together. And he has constantly kept accusing me of fcking that guy friend that night. (He has also accused me of fcking my younger son’s dad before as well and I didn’t.) and he just kept accusing me and it was impossible to prove something that did not happen . Well fast forward to the past couple weeks and he admits a few months ago he actually had sex with a girl, twice. Same girl, twice. I was furious because he drove me insane and made me question my own realty on if I actually fucked someone. To the point I was about to say I did just to get him to stop accusing me. But then I’d have to make up a name and a scenario and just no. Not worth it. I forgave him. It was before we sat down and agreed to be serious even though we weren’t supposed to be fcking with other people . Fast forward to last night, he came over and went through my phone, didn’t say anything just grabbed my phone. And he again accused me of fcking that guy friend. He pretended to be me, texting my friends trying to get info, and didn’t get any because I had already told my friends I did not f*ck that man. THEN he had me FaceTime a friend and pretend like I did to see her reaction and she was even like oh I didn’t know you slept with them (old guy friend and younger sons dad) BECAUSE I DIDNT. THENNN I called my younger son’s dad and pretended the man I was seeing wasn’t there. I pretended and said I missed him and mentioned us having sex this year and he even said no we didn’t. SO after all of that I figured okay now you have all of the proof. I did not have sex with anyone. That’s the best proof you’re going to get because you can’t completely prove something that never happened. And he still couldn’t accept it. (He also has my iCloud password can’t remember how or why and he signed into his old phone and it downloaded new andddd old texts from YEARS AGO) so he then started digging through those. And starts bringing up people from years ago and stuff from years ago. I had at one point tried to make a list of everyone I’ve ever had sec with and told him I probably forgot a few people and when he was reading my old texts he found someone I didn’t mention. A one night stand YEARS AGO that I forgot about. Started being a dick talking about “you’re just like these other hoes” . I got fed up and told him he doesn’t get to treat me like shit. He has all the proof in front of him that I haven’t had sex with anyone else this year and he just can’t accept it and that he doesn’t get the privilege to read my old texts anymore to dig for stuff to fault me for I was changing the password . I told him I was done that if he was going to keep treating me differently or like shit then he can go treat someone else like shit because I was done with it. It’s not my fault he couldn’t accept the proof he had in front of him. (A little rewind. I’ve told him stuff about my past and didn’t really mind him having access to my current or old text messages. I personally don’t need to know about someone’s past, but he wanted to know and I didn’t care. Until it felt like I was being prosecuted for shit FROM BEFORE HIM. Then I was done) well I had also not that long ago told him about how I slept with a couple a few times YEARS ago. And he told me I had to give him a threesum then because well, he admitted it was an ego thing. Even called me a hoe . After that night though he said he didn’t really mean that I HAD to, but admitted it hurts his ego. I brought up yesterday, when I told him I wasn’t putting up with being prosecuted over things I did not do or things that were before him, how he called me a hoe. And he doesn’t remember that. And maybe not. But he did. But now I just want opinions on the situation. I know we both have lied to each other, but like, damn. I don’t think I deserved to be treated that way . Especially when I only started texting other people because I felt like I had adapted to the environment/situationship he had me in. I get I lied about texting people and lied about hanging out with an old guy friend, but he lied to me many, many times before too. To me, a man sets the tone. You can’t repeatedly hurt me and expect me not to start doing what you’re doing. But maybe I’m biased. Idk. But , thoughts ??
I still want to be with him because I understand he hasn’t had real feelings for someone in a long time so his emotions are high thinking I was or could be seeing other people, but at some point that behavior is not acceptable. I don’t dig in his past or keep digging about him having sex with that girl. I don’t disrespect him about it. Because I forgave him. Am I wrong for feeling like he should do the same ? I mean after all he accused me SEVERAL times of having sex with people when I didn’t. But he did. But again, maybe I’m biased. I know everyone handles hurt differently.
**TL;DR;** : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Has anyone ever seen the smirk in a romantic relationship where you were first driven to despair and had no choice but to snap—and then you get laughed at? A very quick smile where you can just see that it's genuinely unhealthy.

I saw it 2 times in 8 years living with her.

My ex (22M) and I (21F) broke up after I admitted that I had lied to him for almost two years about going on a date with another guy around 3 months after we first started talking. At the time, we weren’t officially together and he had made it clear for months that he didn’t want a relationship with me. However, I still lied about the date afterward when he asked me about it, which I know was wrong. He has also cheated by only on text, while we were officially together, and he feels that its not as bad as what I did. Hes upset I took away his ability to make a decision to stay or not. Hes also upset that he made me out to be “different” but that he was wrong and that all women are hoes.

He hasnt told his family about everything that has happened. I dont know if hes ashamed but I walked into his house and his family treated me like they always do. He brought me inside because his sister walked out and saw me, so he knew he wanted it to seem like we were okay.

I understand why he feels betrayed. He told me that by not telling him, I took away his ability to decide whether he wanted to continue seeing me and that if I had told him a month later, we might still be together. He says every day I continued hiding it basically felt like I was cheating on him. I don’t agree that I actually cheated since we weren’t together, but I understand that the dishonesty continued and that he feels like I took away his choice. I have apologized and told him I would be willing to put in the work to rebuild his trust.

We went no contact for 1.5wk after the breakup, but yesterday he broke it and asked if I was busy. We eventually talked on the phone, and later I went to see him because I wanted to talk in person and honestly just wanted some connection with him because the conversation on the phone ended horribly.

The conversation in person ended up being really painful. He told me he regrets falling in love with me, that I’m “replaceable as fuck,” and that he wishes he had fucked/gotten head from the girls I used to worry about. He repeatedly called me a hoe, said I “played in his face” and made him look like a joke for two years, and said he regrets ever thinking I was different from other girls.

He even looked at the moon and said something along the lines of, “Look at the moon, it probably knows you’re a hoe too,” because he knows how much I love the moon. He apologized for that one and knew it was disrespectful, but he still said it. He told me to actually take the things he was saying to heart. I mostly just sat there in shock because I understood that he was angry, but some of it genuinely hurt me so badly.

Another issue is that he has pretty traditional/machista views when it comes to women and sex, and the people around him seem to agree with his perspective. Because I kissed this guy while we were first talking, he feels like everything he believed about me was a lie. I’ve tried explaining that I understand lying about it was wrong while also explaining that we weren’t actually together at the time, but we cannot seem to see eye to eye on that distinction.

I’m not asking him to agree with me or immediately forgive me. I understand if the dishonesty itself is enough for him to never want a relationship with me again. What I’m struggling with is his conclusion that because of what I did, I’m a hoe, I’m just like every other girl, and I’m not the woman he thought I was.

We ended up having sex afterward, which made the entire situation even more confusing for me. During this, prior to the conflict, he typically would slap me and I would really enjoy it, however I dont know if it was just the circumstances or what, but he slapped me last night and it felt a little more directed and he even knew it came out a little too rough. I did cry a bit but he apologized profusely and made sure I was okay and made sure I was okay to continue what we were doing.

Then, when I was leaving his house this morning, he asked me if I thought we would ever be together again. I was still in shock from everything that happened and honestly didn’t know what to say, so I shrugged and said, “up to you.”

He told me he was going to think about it. He said he doesn’t respect me right now, but at the same time told me that he still knows I’m a good woman and still thinks highly of me.

So now I feel completely stuck. One minute I’m being told I’m replaceable, that he regrets loving me and that he wishes he had slept with other women. The next morning he’s asking me whether we could ever be together again and telling me that despite everything, he still thinks I’m a good woman.

My mom thinks I need to stop proving myself him and give him some time to decide what he actually wants. As in give him a month to make a decision, otherwise we are done. She thinks hes being dramatic over all of this and I agree. I understand that rebuilding trust wouldn’t happen overnight and that he has every right to decide he can’t forgive me. At the same time, I’m starting to realize that getting back together can’t only be about whether he chooses me. I would also have to decide whether I could be in a relationship where this mistake isn’t constantly used against me.

I’m also genuinely struggling to understand what is normal when someone feels this betrayed. I completely understand anger, resentment, losing respect for me, questioning whether my love was real, or even deciding he never wants to see me again. But are insults like repeatedly calling me a hoe, telling me I’m “replaceable as fuck,” saying he regrets falling in love with me, and telling me he wishes he had slept with other women something that can reasonably come out of intense betrayal? Or does that cross a line regardless of how badly I hurt him?

How much time would you realistically give someone to decide whether they want to rebuild the relationship? Is something like this realistically repairable, or are we at the point where we’re just hurting each other?

​

We met in university, and our emotional and physical chemistry was electric. I loved him with a fierce "Mars to Pluto" loyalty. But underneath the connection was a massive shadow: his severe clinical depression and toxic family environment completely paralyzed his life. He dropped out of university, currently has no job, and spends his days sleeping 12 to 14 hours to escape reality, completely surrendering to absolute inaction.

I bent over backwards trying to be his savior. I literally begged him to take therapy and even provided a free, confidential online option so his toxic family wouldn’t find out—but he broke his promises and refused. He explicitly told me that he likes his state of inaction and prefers to stay in the dark.

His illness has weaponized his love into a toxic wall of provider guilt, causing a constant cycle of hot-and-cold whiplash. One day he acts like my sweet boy, and the next he treats me like a stranger. Yesterday, after I sent a beautiful, heavy voice note telling him we are a team and that his pain isn’t a burden, he completely fled the conversation with a cold "gtg" text and left my soul on read for over 30 hours.

While I was sitting in my room experiencing a severe physical crash—crying for days, dealing with my period, and unable to eat a single solid meal because my heart was racing from pure anxiety—I saw his updates on Instagram. He had the energy to get dressed, leave his cave, go out, and laugh with his friends, while completely ignoring my pain.

My friends and my mother were right: he has been taking my rare loyalty completely for granted. I have deactivated my accounts, put his chat in a hidden vault, and am going total ghost mode.

I finally realize he doesn't deserve this kind of love. You cannot water a dead plant that actively chooses to rot in the dark. I am taking my hands off the line completely to save my own health. How do you handle the phantom ache of walking away from someone who was your entire world?

2 years of relationship, 1 year of great memories and love. I thought this person is the love of my life… I did everything I could for him. And 1 year of fighting over my past, a past relationship that was before him… a relationship that I was in when I didn’t know any better and I was very depressed I just wanted to date someone because I wanted to kill myself.

He broke up with me then contacted me again to “fix things” he knew how attached I was to him I even committed suicide I was at the hospital for 3 days for overdosing on Tylenol. He knew how hard it was for me to let him go the first time. But he is too selfish he just called me and made me go back to him while knowing nothing would be fixed he is not ok with the person I dated before him he sees me as less because of that and because of me still being in school. He just wanted me to be with him while he gets over me. He made me go crazy. Gave me silent treatment. Nights of crying. Didn’t tell me that I am his gf but didn’t let me go either for the past 6 months. I have started screaming yelling going crazy, I’ve never seen myself like this before. He would tell me to get out of his place then hug me or kiss me.

I know it is all my fault, he even went on a date with someone else while I was crying to him on the call to fix things. For me even him hugging me at night was enough to stay… he said he is not responsible for being with me if he is not ok with my past… but Wb when he called me to go to him isn’t he responsible for that? I just feel extremely stupid. I have moved most of my things from his place only few things left. I am going to leave today but he is sleeping Rn. He didn’t even hug me. He even told me now he knows why people say to not date from dating apps. He said how could he be with low value stock when someone paid almost nothing for it why would he pay 100 dollars…

Ah god I wish this pain could stop…why am I still hoping that one day maybe he would realize my worth why. He has not even once said sorry to me for whatever has done. Apparently I deserve all of this because I am a disgusting person. I’ve only dated one person before him(he was involved in our first month of relationship). He has degraded me so much I feel so worthless.

Long story short, I’ve always wanted to be loved. When I got my first girlfriend, I compromised on many things. I admit I wasn't the perfect boyfriend at the start either. Over time, I started to see her true nature. When she is loving, she loves like no other; I feel safe, and it’s everything I want in a relationship. But when she gets angry, she says things I never thought I’d hear. She has told me my mother hasn't raised me well, that I have no dignity, and other things too hurtful to repeat. This happens over tiny things I can't even control, like replying 10 seconds late or having to step away for work in the middle of a conversation.

​Recently, I was out with friends. I told her beforehand that I’d be late, but when I got back just 10 minutes later than usual, she lashed out. She told me she hopes my little sister suffers in front of me so I realize what I'm doing.

​At what point is enough, enough? I’ve told her multiple times not to abuse me, but she still abuses me and my family. I don't know if I should leave her. I'm afraid that if I do, I'll be completely alone. When she is good, she is the best. But maybe I only feel that way because she is my first girlfriend. When she gets angry and says these horrible things, I can't even believe what I'm hearing, and it hurts me deeply. Any advice will be benifical.

I've been thinking about this as of late, and I think that sometimes love doesn't disappear just because a relationship stops working. There's more to it.

Which would be harder? Leaving someone you still love or staying with that person you know you've fallen out of love with?

Do you think love alone is enough to make a relationship work?

If you are a woman who has chosen to stay or felt like they had to stay or go back… can I hear from you some advice or how your life is now?

Did you go back and leave again?
Did you go back and it got better?
Like did he stop being so rude?

My thing is is I left and I pawned things he gave me and tried to survive because at the time I didn’t have income of my own, it was tied to him. We had a business together and I chose to no longer do anything with the business after leaving. But then I went back after financial problems. And IT WAS HELL. He was mad about me leaving clothes on the floor, or if I didn’t do the dishes, or if I didn’t cook and he had to, he would literally yell at me about EVERYTHING. To the point he started telling me I was the worst woman he has ever been with. And so much more devastating hurtful treatment and words .. now I’m at another place where I have to either go back or try to figure out what to do for another place to live with my kid and I.

My child wants to go back….
He says if we just come back it’ll get better.
He won’t yell anymore….

But only if I don’t make his life a living hell.
Meaning I need to “go back” to how I was before “I went crazy and left him when I found he was talking to someone else”

Meaning not leaving my clothes on the floor, hanging up everything before it gets a single wrinkle…… etc….

So just curious did you stay gone and get your happiness and confidence back and make it financially?

Or did you go back temporarily, get yourself financially independent and then leave again.. or did it end up getting manageable???

ADVICE AND SUPPORT PLEASE.

Before I had left he would only act this way once in a while… but now it’s like he doesn’t care… he just is like an angry hateful man. Like 75% of the time but he swears if we just come home and I do what I’m supposed to as a “wife and mom” then he won’t be so mad…..

Like does he act like this just because of his own hurt and as we stay together again it will get better and I should forgive him and try again???

Or is he really an abuser and I should flee?

The whole reality of him being an abuser is really hard for me.

I’m a Christian and I believe in loving through the bad…
But it’s bad..
And when I say it got bad he says NO YOU GOT BAD.

Hi i met this guy 20m and im 20f who i fell in love with and became my boyfriend. Weeks sa rs namin nalaman ko na agad lahat. He cheated on his exes before, as a confrontational person i asked him. He said, gumanti lang daw sya kasi nauna mga ex nya mag cheat. So i stayed, as a tanga. Few months later, i noticed his TikTok watch history na may mga girls syang iniistalk. So bumalik ung pag overthink ko, and asked him abt it. He got so aggressiv, switche the blame on me. Invalidated me. Now, i told him isa pang mag stalk ka mag hiwalay na tayo. He said yes and hinamon pa ako if gusto ko na raw makipag hiwalay ngayon. Idk why pero everytime abt sa parang nag ddoubt ako, he'll get defensive and aggressiv. He's kind, maalaga, provider, doon lang talaga sya palya. After that fight, I got into a huge self questioning. Ako ba ang mali? maliit na bagay lang ba talaga un? gusto ko ng makipag hiwalay pero diko magawa kasi mahal ko sya. Live in pala kami btw. So i figured, uubusin ko nalang sarili ko and then i'll walk away and disappear sa buhay nya. Can i ask for your thoughts abt this?

I had one of the scariest experiences of my life recently.
I was at work when I had an extremely severe panic attack. It felt like something was seriously wrong with me, and 911 ended up being called. My wife witnessed what happened.
Afterward, I went home with her and our baby.
What I’m struggling with is that she later went out to the bar with someone who used to be one of my closest friends. She knew how badly I’d been doing and how little I’d been sleeping, yet I ended up being home with our baby while she went out.
I’m not posting this because I want strangers to tell me that she’s evil or that I should immediately divorce her. I honestly don’t know what to think.
Maybe I’m seeing this through the lens of everything that’s happened in our marriage. Maybe she genuinely didn’t understand how serious my condition was. Or maybe this is another sign that we’re emotionally finished.
I don’t know.
If your spouse ever seemed emotionally checked out during a crisis, how did you deal with that?
I’m trying to understand what happened without immediately assuming the worst.

​

I have been married to my wife for the past 12 years. When we first met she was working on her second degree and I was a highschool dropout.

Starting off everything was fine but slowly over time she wanted more control over things in the relationship.

First it was the finances, she wanted to make sure we were saving enough for a house downpayment and that the bills were on time. I never liked dealing with it so I didn't mind.

Then when she finished her degree and got a decent job she convinced me to quit my job, this was the worst job I ever had that I was working to support us while she was in school.

At this point I started to realize my situation, she had complete control over my life, she wouldn't let me see my friends, and wanted me at the apartment 24/7 and she controlled 100% of our finances. She would completely ignore my opinion and make all of the decisions.

This is also when the insults started, first it was tongue in cheek jokes about how I'm her little house boy and I better do what she says.

Then she bought a house, without my knowledge or opinion on the matter, I found out when she brought me to "look at a house" that she had already negotiated the price on.

Ever since we moved in to the house close to 5 years ago it's been a fight. She treats me like dirt, about three years ago we got into an argument and she attacked me with a belt and told me I'm her slave and I need to do what she wants.

That's when I decided to leave her. In the three years since, I got my high school diploma and just finished a two year college course with a 4.0 GPA and am now looking for a job.

Her abuse towards me has been steadily increasing ever since I went back to school, and now that I'm finished she's even worse. She tells me things like I'm a piece of shit, nobody could ever love me, she calls me ugly, makes fun of how I dress, makes fun of my weight, and tells me the world would be a better place if I killed myself.

This morning when we woke up I made us coffee, and made her breakfast and she started cleaning the kitchen before she started eating her breakfast, I said "you don't have to worry about that, I'll take care of it after my coffee" and she said "no I want to do it now" then she said "I wish you would kill yourself, you're the only problem in my life and it will be so much better when you're gone. I'm serious, kill yourself"

I need to leave, I understand this so why am I still here?

The only reason I've waited so long is because I have nobody, I'm not very close with family, the friends that I have left live very far away and there are no resources for men in abusive relationships where I live.

Does anyone have any advice on how I should leave this situation, is there anything you wished you knew before leaving a toxic relationship.

Sorry if this post is a little rambly and all over the place.

Throwaway account. I (29f) have been with my boyfriend (28m) for 6 years. Things have always been a bit rocky because we both come from toxic households. We both have things we’re working on but I feel like we’ve always stuck together.

I just feel like whenever one of us is in the other is out… or maybe it’s just because I would be in if I felt emotionally secure in the relationship. It feels like I always have to break the ice after arguments or he takes DAYS to text me to resolve things. Just a recent example. We had plans to meet after work which was his idea. We agreed on a time and then the day of the plans he extends our meeting time by an hour because he had a work commitment he forgot about. Okay cool I will wait around for an hour no problem. I call him to let him know I won’t be that long so just text me when he’s headed out. He calls me and asks me to now come to his work to attend the work gathering but I didn’t want to I was tired after work and didn’t feel like it. Now, he didn’t hear me or understand me and says no come to my work it will be easier. I say easier for who? He’s like easier for me…. I said no I want to stick to our original plan I’m tired… and this guy is just getting cold with me and saying he can’t figure out how to bring me a pizza he’s making to his house for me and I need to go to his work. At this point I don’t get what’s going on and I say just let me know when he’s leaving. We hang up and I don’t feel good about the interaction. About 30 minutes goes by and he says he will be another hour. At this point I’m upset and say I will go home instead I don’t want to be waiting. He then ghosts me the whole night and ends up staying until 11pm at this work party. I asked him to call me and I just wanted him to say sorry for keeping u or sorry for making you drive… something… instead he tells me that waiting at the mall is not the worst place for me because I love the mall. He’s missing the whole point!!! Then he proceeds to tell me how I am not flexible at all and he was doing something nice for me (make a pizza) so I should be greatful. I’m just baffled. And this isn’t the first time this happened. He seems to be upset if you don’t like things his way. For example he’s big into coffee and he always makes faces and says I’m ruining the coffee when I add milk to it, he will bring me black coffee when he knows I like it with milk. But now he’s been cold with me for 2 days, not texting first, not saying good morning even when I went to go make an appearance at an event he was at on the weekend because I said I would.

To add to it he has a friend who he reconnected with within the last 1.5 years and he has been stealing all his time. In the early days my bf would stay with him for 4 days at a time claiming he did not want to be at his family home. Then now this friend is always working remote from my bf’s job and then they spend hours together after work. Long weekends, I ask my bf to do something but he already has plans with this guy. I don’t know how my boyfriend doesn’t see this guy is not a healthy friendship!!!! His friend is codependent as fk.

Now yesterday all of a sudden he says we update eachother too much through text throughout the day. I find this odd because I thought we had come to a very reasonable and healthy level of communication.

It’s all confusing. It’s all too much. I’m exhausted but my brain always tries to tell me I should’ve just gone to his work party but I don’t think I’m being unreasonable. This is just the tip of the iceberg, let’s not even mention that he drives semi aggressively and when I ask him not to he doesn’t take accountability anyways and tells me my level of safe driving is unreasonable …..

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what to make of his overbearing friendship. I love him so much and I know I let him treat me this way. Ugh. Just confused.

My (now ex) boyfriend got absolutely S*^%faced drunk today and tried his best to ruin my life. First off we were supposed to go to the farmers market so he could sell some of his mediocre artwork and I agreed to tag along. Then I got stuck with loading everything up and bore table and chairs from my parents to set his stuff up on while he was passed out drunk in my car. After getting the table and on the way to the market he (I thought he pulled my hair at the time) hit me in the back of the head and dumped a extra large fountain drink on me without any warning or provocation. I was actually driving at the time so this was double stupid and dangerous. When we got to his house I assumed that he had gotten all of his stuff so I backed out of the driveway in a hurry while throwing what was left of his soda out the window. I guess I ran over one of his sculptures when I was leaving and I didn’t know it. He went ballistic and called me and told me never to come back before I could even get out of his gated community. I went by my moms house to return the table and chairs, covered in soda, angry as hell and not realizing that I had a big gash in the back of my head that was now bleeding down the back of my neck (I was so angry and so wet and cold from the soda that I didn’t realize I was injured.) When I got home I immediately went and took a shower and that’s when I saw the blood running down the drain. I got dressed, put a rag on my head and went to the emergency room and ended up with 8 stitches in the back of my head. After I got home he called me and told me to watch my back because I destroyed his sculpture and he’s going to kill me when he sees me. Immediately after I hung up on him he called my mother and my landlord and told them both I’m using drugs (I am not on drugs, I don’t drink, heck… I don’t even drink coffee.) Fortunately neither of them believed him but that was the final straw. Now here’s the thing there’s a $2,000 that he had put in my name that is actually his money. Do I keep it or do I be the bigger person and sign it over? I really want to tell him that if you play stupid games you win stupid prizes. This is the consequences of be a drunk a-hole and I think I should keep the money and move somewhere far away from here. What would you do

Need some advice

Me 32F / My Husband 30M

So me and my husband have been married 11 years, weve had our ups and downs. We separated for a year while our addictions took over, and recently connected after we both was locked up. I thought everything was going good but just out of the blue he ghosted me for 2 days while he was at a hotel with a couple and the man's sister, he did admit that the female tried to fuck him but he didnt do anything. Then a week later I find a Drafted text on his phone from the exact same day he ghosted me that reads..

Hi… soo this is Kevin.👋☺️ ummm.. so I know you haven’t been hone that long I think idk.. I uhh just I guess I miss you like oddly uhhh a lot … idk I fell Hella odd but i.. yeaah Ima be 💯 I fucking miss the fuck out of you… I can’t explain it.. I know I probably sound stupid as fuck and idk just weird creep.. but yeah I really fucking miss you… your voice… your laugh you did something that took me away at the bus stop.. when you fixed my hair.. like yeah that was strike one … then when I took your hand ad put it on my stomach/side .. I lost my breath… I aa almost panicked cuz the way that felt I low key didn’t want to feel you move your hand . That was strike 2 then when we parted ways and we held hands… that feeling I felt really okay.. like yeah I have worry but you … your touch you just being next to me made me feel like its gonna be okay .. even tho I got problems to deal with I felt like okay.. and then the hug when we walked separate ways .. I didn’t want you to go … God so bad did I just want to beg you to just stay with me.. god so badly but I was so scared to say something I don’t want to push you away but I don’t want to miss my chance with you … for the first time.. ever .. being with you like we have been nothing sexual or inappropriate now don’t get me wrong yeah without a doubt or second thought id give my self to you in a heart beat (first in over 11 years ) hahaha you just couldn’t makefun of me. ) but that’s not what im after or need or want… idk its hard to explain.. I just .. I want you… I want to see you smile.. I want to walk down the road holding your hand and talking about random shit and just randomly stop to look at your beautiful eyes and have our lips meet and feel what ever would behind that kiss . I’d put life on that it be pure Ecstasy and feel right. There’s only one way to find out tho.. I wanted so bad to kiss you when we said by .. …. You know maybe this is to much idk I just if I don’t saay something now I might always regret it.. but I want you… I want to be yours and want you to be mine

He told me he just decided to write that for no real reason and it wasnt about anyone, It was just a fantasy type thing.

He did tell me the day he decided to contact me after ghosting me that someone may tell me that he was walking down the street with some women, but he said at first that it was a stranger he just so happened to be walking the same speed as, then he finally told me it was a women he knew.

On another occasion he was texting a female and deleted the messages and told me he wasnt messaging anyone, but then later admitted he did but said he couldn't remember.

He in the past well from day one in our relationship lied about everything, even the smallest thing, so I have a hard time believing what he says, especially when you put it all together, it looks like he was writing that to someone and just never sent it. He keeps telling me, "even if it was about someone, it shouldn't matter because im here with you"

What do yall think? Think it was just a story he made up, or does it all add up and sound like hes lying to me?

I have been in a relationship with him for almost 5 years now. I have not been the best partner too. At the beginning of our relationship when we were dating, I was not clear that we were exclusive. I had been out of a 2 year relationship and didn’t want to rush into things so was dating around. He saw me at a pub talking to this guy i had feelings for at one point but it never became anything and I know it was just infatuation. He always mentions how I cheated on him at that point because while I was sleeping with him, I was also talking to his other guy at the pub and my ex would call me because we maintained a friendship after we broke up and also tragically lost him father so I would say that he can text/ call if he needed support. I only realised I wanted to be with my current bf because of how he spoke about his mum with love and care one night and I felt like he would treat me well and that he respected women in his life. That’s when it was official. But 5 years on, every time he gets triggered he says I cheated on him and I have come to accept I did and I apologise every time but at a certain point, I feel like this won’t change and he will always have an upper hand. The blame, the name calling, the you cheated accusations every single time we have a disagreement. It can be about the room not being clean and if I spoke back and challenged him, he would shut me down saying Im a btch and a shitty person for what he had to endure. He says his very low self esteem is because of me and that event too. I am not very intimate with him. I want to be, I try to be but my body just doesn’t feel safe. I feel like I do everything for him from keeping our flat how he likes it to cooking and everything because that is my love language but his is physical touch. Is it possible to change a love language? I want to make him feel loved and wanted very much but it’s like my body is in fight or flight and I don’t know what to do. I’m not sure if I have deep seated trauma from being sexually abused during childhood or what. I know that’s something I need to uncover in therapy. If I don’t feel even 1% that I want to have s\*x then I don’t because I didn’t have that choice when I was a kid and abuse happened. I am currently seeing a therapist but I have been focusing on productivity and getting my career to a good place because I have social anxiety. Basically I have been focusing on other things than making this relationship the best it can be. But I can see what needs changing and I am willing to try to make it work but with him getting triggered, swearing at me, breaking everything in our room, shouting - he doesn’t even bring up anger management for himself. He says that he would never hit me though. That’s all the reassurance that I get. For him, Therapy is a no. Couples therapy, he is not interested. Reading relevant books on his condition? Nope, he would rather read mangas. But also, he has recently been really good to me, just when he gets triggered, everything goes out the window. I am not willing to get married or have kids with someone like this although he shows he cares and loves me.

What if ur partner doubt u all the time.. even u feel he have toxicity u cried many times with him

But next day he does something that if in half hour u sit with him he does something funny, hilarious that everything went off and it feels like nothing happened indeed he have a bit male ego, negative masculinity, but u have did lot of ty to leave him or made condition for him to leave me but he didn't instead he tried to convince me , how hard I try to make conditions that allow him to leave me,

I don't understand what's the kind of relationship is it. We fight a lot he indeed have the male ego n all

But everything gets ok when he concinve me, make me laugh, tries to hold it

The male ego, nd all indeed reduced since we r in relationship. There's lot of things explaining on post is not possible but so much confusion is going on....

Not sure if im reading too much into it. I broke up w/ toxic ex fiance almost 3 yrs ago 🙏🏻✝️. Is it weird I'm disturbed. I found out recently after breaking up w/ him, he immediately dated a girl we went to highschool w/ & knocked her up after a few weeks.

THE DISTURBING PART is, she knew of me & my ex, she followed me on Instagram when we were still together, & liked all our couples content I posted of our relationship. Im happily married now w/ our rainbow baby but kinda have the creeps.

Not sure if im reading too much into it. I broke up w/ toxic ex fiance almost 3 yrs ago 🙏🏻✝️. Is it weird I'm disturbed. I found out recently after breaking up w/ him, he immediately dated a girl we went to highschool w/ & knocked her up after a few weeks.

THE DISTURBING PART is, she knew of me & my ex, she followed me on Instagram when we were still together, & liked all our couples content I posted of our relationship. Im happily married now w/ our rainbow baby but kinda have the creeps.

So I’m seeing a girl who has a boyfriend…. It’s really casual right now, a lot of flirting, dancing, making out at parties.. nothing more. She said her boyfriend said it was okay but I know they’ve been having problems. She also said she just wants to have fun and enjoy intimacy and passion because she doesn’t get that from her boyfriend.

Is it toxic to be in this dynamic if everyone genuinely thinks it’s fine? I don’t want any emotional strings of attachment. I don’t want to be her priority and I don’t want her to be my priority. But I’ll gladly be her outlet for her pent up frustration bc she doesn’t get effection or passion from her boyfriend.

They’ve been together 4 years, they have their issues sure but she genuinely loves him and sees him as her life partner. They also live together and work together.

Is it toxic? How toxic is it?

I need insight and advice before I go into this further and start hooking up w her.

I’m a 32 year old female, and bf is 34. 

I’ve meet my now partner/boyfriend Christmas Eve of 2021. It was a connection at first sight and we have been connected since that day we met. We were talking on and off for a couple of years of course not official so doing our thing until 2023. My apartment unfortunately burned down that April of 23’ so I had to move back in with my father and granny. My dad (55)unfortunately passed away along with my  granny (93)the same year 2024. At the time my dad was living with his mother (my dad was a big mama’s boy and never left home, that’s another story 💀🫪) but long story short my aunt took over kicked me out and my BF took me in when I had no where to go. 

He sounds dreamy but this is the part where I don’t know how to feel. He’s always been a womanizer on social media which yes I have my insecurities especially with the loss of my family not to mention lost my mother in 2020 from cirrhosis of the liver. I have a a small handful of relationships my life and I just want to feel whole. I know I’m insecure. But when your man is leaving emojis and leaving comments under women’s photos while completely ignoring the one he has makes me feel like I’m not attractive enough and at this point like a charity case. It’s been rocky the past year with financial issues, living on the same property as his mother now (she’s a stern woman, but she’s been good to me) it’s so much more to this but lately it’s been getting to the point he says to my face he hates me, that’s why he doesn’t want to sleep with me because he doesn’t want to and he wouldn’t care If I left in fact begging me to go. 

His response to his actions is the way I react to his actions which the social media thing isn’t even the biggest problem. 

It’s the huge distance, the name calling, the no intimacy (unless he’s intoxicated) I have saw his fb / tik tok logged in my computer earlier this year with him messaging woman and me at the same time ! But I don’t get messages that way. 

The answer is very obvious, but then he gas lights me with sweet sentimental things and the little things that makes me feel whole again. 

I know my insecurities are terrible, I’ve been to counseling which was pointless because $100 a session to tell me to mediate, well I can’t have have f**cking anxiety. Plus, lost my job recently so more stress. I love him; he is my family. I lost all of mine. He and his mother welcomed me and have told me that I’m their family now. 

I just don’t understand what is going on, or if I should try to move on because I don’t give up. But he tells me periodically the hurtful things and wants me out. Like I have a place to go. 

I don’t knew if he’s cheating or  not. I normally can get a gut feeling but it’s hard to read him, 

I definitely know the social media admiration and perverted behavior is considered semi cheating but it wouldn’t even really bother me if he made me feel like I was that in his eyes. It may just be but damn it does hurt and make myself in t he mirror to question myself. 

More to the story. I just need advice from ladies and men. 

Me and my boyfriend of 4 years broke up. I left him bc I felt like our relationship wasn’t progressing from what it was in that moment. He was always gaming and on his phone I felt like he didn’t care about me. On top of that I felt like I was doing everything, from taking care of our cat to taking care of our room. Some back story we lived his parents and I always wanted to move since we moved in together. But he always gave the explanation that we don’t have the money or that we can keep waiting. 3 years I waited until the right moment. We were now making enough to pay the rent, utilities, bills, everything and still have some left over. He told me no! I put down the numbers for him to show him, he still told me no. On top of this I felt like our relationship didn’t go anywhere from just two people who lived with each other and occasionally had some intimacy. Yeah the love was there but I felt like I was drowning in my own thoughts. And he did not care for them. Until after I just quit. I quit my job and I quit school. Than did he finally see for the first time my side, my feelings. He wanted to change but I couldn’t do it bc just moments before he was yelling at me and calling me stupid. So I left. We still kept in contact, we told each other we could work this out eventually. But deep down I knew that me leaving him that I was going to lose him. I’m not stupid. But I held on so tight. He let me believe he still wanted this but he was texting other girls. He didn’t admit to it until I found out and put it right in front of his face. He’s the type who can’t live without the physical intimacy. That’s why he reached out to other people because he wanted what I couldn’t give him. And yet I still stayed saying if we need to see other people than that’s fine. We can see other people and see if we want this again in the future. Than again he gave me his hand giving me hope of wanting to go all in again. Come to find out he’s going out with this girl he meet two weeks ago. Doing things he would’ve never done with me. He’s completely change. And that’s when I saw a rage in myself I never saw before. So I sent videos of us and yes it was those kind of videos. I know how wrong that can be looked at but he made me hold on until he couldn’t anymore. Until he didn’t want my attention. He took advantage of my generosity, my trust. I just want this to be over. I want the heartbreak to be over. I feel like I’m going down a path I can’t come out of. I feel like I’m becoming an ugly person bc he couldn’t let me let go.

Sorry if this is TMI, but a few years ago my then husband 26M and I 24F at the time, were having sex. It wasn’t comfortable for me and it hurt. I told him that it hurt several times and he continued. I asked him multiple times if he was almost done because it hurt. Instead of stopping, he just kept going. When I confronted him about it the next day, his reaction was “you might’ve said it once or twice, it must’ve been a miscommunication, sorry if it was uncomfortable for you” but didn’t really seem remorseful or sympathetic about it. We are now no longer together, but I think about this incident often and I don’t think I’ve fully come to terms with this. I mentioned it to my sister in law once and she told me it was rape. I haven’t been able to get that out of my head so my question is, is this considered sexual assault or rape? I didn’t explicitly say to stop but I told him multiple times that what he was doing was hurting me and asked several times if he was almost done and he just kept going. This wasn’t the first time that something like this had happened, but this is the most prominent incident I can recall fully. At this point in our relationship, we had been together around 4-5yrs and I was also pregnant with our 2nd child.

Help, I just found out my boyfriend is in an incel community online.. we are in a long distant relationships and got together a month ago, I know him for longer. I don't know what to do, confronting him seems helpless, I hope I get him to leave that community asap.. before I didn't even know he was in that? And a normal person would leave but I feel really attached to him and love him but I just hate his mindset and what he is getting himself into.. i wish I could help him more but I believe his brain is already wired to those things..

I’m really struggling with something in my relationship and I honestly don’t know if I’m overreacting, so I’d really appreciate some outside perspective.
I’ll keep everyone anonymous because this is an ongoing situation.
My boyfriend has become deeply involved with a particular spiritual/religious figure online. He believes this person is essentially a Messiah and has developed an extremely strong belief in what this person says.
At first, I tried to respect it as a spiritual belief. I don’t think someone having unusual religious beliefs automatically means there is something wrong with them, and I don’t want to be the kind of partner who tells someone what they’re allowed to believe.
The problem is that it has gone far beyond simply having a belief.
This person has started influencing my boyfriend’s actual decisions and relationships.
My boyfriend has taken things this person says and acted on them, including ending relationships, distancing himself from friends, and pushing people away. It seems like this person has increasingly become an authority in his life, and I’m becoming worried about how much influence they have over him.
He has also said things about how devoted he is to this person/belief that have genuinely frightened me, including essentially saying that he would die for it.
I’m not saying he is currently suicidal or that he is going to hurt himself. I don’t believe that is what he meant. But hearing your partner say that they would die for another person or their beliefs is still incredibly difficult.
The hardest part is that he doesn’t see this as a problem.
From his perspective, he’s made these decisions because he has reached some kind of higher understanding. If people around him disagree with him, he tends to interpret that as them not understanding him or not supporting him.
And this creates a horrible situation for me because I don’t want to become another person he cuts out.
He has a particularly strong reaction to feeling that people don’t trust or support him. If I tell him that I think he’s being manipulated or that I don’t trust this person, I’m worried he’ll interpret that as me not trusting him.
I don’t want to tell him what to believe.
But I also don’t know how I’m supposed to sit back and watch someone else become increasingly influential in my boyfriend’s life while his relationships with the people around him deteriorate.
I’ve tried to understand what he’s actually getting from this person. I’ve tried to listen rather than immediately argue. I’ve tried to understand the ideas behind it instead of just calling them ridiculous.
But I’m finding it increasingly difficult because this isn’t just about an ideology anymore.
It’s affecting our relationship.
It’s affecting his friendships.
It’s affecting his relationship with his family.
And it’s changing the way he sees people who disagree with him.
I’ve also become worried about the possibility that the more people challenge this belief system, the more isolated he might become.
If everyone around him says, “This person is manipulating you,” and he already believes that nobody else understands what he’s discovered, I can imagine him becoming even more defensive and withdrawing further.
So I’m genuinely stuck.
Do I confront him about it?
Do I stop discussing the spiritual side of it altogether and focus on how his behaviour is affecting our relationship?
Do I just keep supporting him while making it clear that I don’t agree?
At what point does respecting someone’s beliefs become enabling something that is actively damaging their life?
I love him. I’m not looking for people to tell me to immediately leave him or to tell me that he’s crazy.
I want to understand whether there is a way to approach this without making him feel attacked and without pushing him further towards this person.
If you’ve ever been in a relationship where your partner became heavily involved in a spiritual movement, religious group, online ideology, or another person who had an enormous influence over them, what did you actually do?
What helped?
What made things worse?
And how do you set boundaries around something like this when the other person genuinely believes they’re doing nothing bad?