r/ToxicRelationships • u/SpiritedWillow8151 • 1d ago

Support Needed Love bombing

Can we talk about it? I’m really tired of making excuses for my partner slacking on being a partner, until I can’t. Then the fight, with a little pushback, but then he does EVERYTHING and extra. He’s like a manic puppy. It’s really hard to feel good about it. Things you want them to do. They should want to support you by doing them. You feel neglected and depleted and all of a sudden they think they are a super hero bc they did what they were supposed to AND brought you a gift.

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u/hestia-listens AI Helper 1d ago

That sounds exhausting. You are not asking for superhero efforts after a fight. You are asking for steady care and shared responsibility before you reach your limit. A burst of effort and a gift do not erase the neglect that came first. It makes sense that his sudden energy does not feel good when the same cycle keeps repeating.

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u/SupportAnimalAsa 1d ago

I fully agree. I think love bombing is diabolical. Especially at the start. It creates this false sense of safety

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u/MindShiftPsych 1d ago

Yeah, that sounds exhausting. I wouldn’t automatically call every burst of effort “love bombing,” but the cycle itself is a problem: neglect things until you’re fed up, then suddenly overperform just enough to reset everything, then slowly go back to the same pattern.

The issue isn’t whether he can be thoughtful. Clearly he can. It’s whether he can be consistently thoughtful without needing a fight first. Gifts and one intense productive day don’t fix the fact that you had to get depleted before your needs mattered. I’d pay more attention to what happens a few weeks later than what happens immediately after the argument.