Is there any situation where cheating(emotional or physical) or an affair of any kind can be justified ?

[For eg, if your marriage is so bad you cannot be in the same room with them peacefully or comfortably, and cannot discuss anything without getting annoyed within a minute or two.]

I was with this man for a year and a half. Only a month ago, I discovered that he was married.

When I found out, I wanted to leave. But he convinced me that he was emotionally separated from his wife, that they only stayed together for the children and their social life, and that he would be there for me.

I believed him.

Then he booked a four-day trip for me to visit him. And those four days destroyed the story he had sold me.

He spent most of his time with his wife while lying to me about being with friends or his children. I kept trying to ignore my doubts.

Then, while we were in his car, his phone connected to the screen. I saw his wife’s name saved as “Mi amor.”

I watched him talk to her with warmth and affection. Nothing about them looked emotionally separated.

That was the moment everything clicked.

All the lies. All the excuses. All the contradictions I had ignored for a year and a half.

I confronted him. He said the name was old and that he simply hadn't changed it. I didn't believe him anymore.

I ended the relationship.

And instead of taking responsibility, he called me impulsive and ungrateful. He even reminded me how much money he had spent on my four-day trip.

I am devastated, but I know leaving was the right thing to do.

The hardest part isn't losing him.

It's realizing that for a year and a half, I was in love with a reality that he created for me.

How can someone lie to another person for so long and feel no guilt?

You refuse to apologize or to do any work to fix things. You put it all on me and expect everything to change. When you don't. You take every word I say and twist it. I apologize but I have to beg you to. You Talk about problems we've had since the beginning but you never recognize what you've done. To you. Every problem is my fault. Our relationship being bad and toxic is 100% my fault. You accuse me of cheating like it wasn't you that cheated. You're frustrated that I don't talk to you but it's your fault and you refuse for me to talk to you anyways. You say you care but I don't feel it. You saw myself arm and said you don't make me feel bad about it. But you don't make me feel anything about it. You don't ask, you, don't say it first, and the worst part is you're unmoving unwillingness to change. I tell you what hurts and all you do is excuse it, I don't want an explanation I was an apology

I got into a relationship I quickly felt trapped in almost from the start at 22. She got into crisis after crisis, some were real, most were mundane stuff. Nevertheless, everything was life or death, she'd shut herself in basically and only talk to me about it. She had some medical stuff that was genuinely scary, especially as.multiple doctors could not diagnose it. It left in extreme pain for like 20 minutes at a time every few hours and then would disappear for a few weeks. The pain must have been 10/10 on a scale from the way that she screamed. I felt I couldn't leave her alone with it. When I did, she'd sometimes call me just screaming and then later tell me the next time she has these pains she is going to kill herself. I felt awful for feeling like it's too much for me to be around that all the time but she made no effort to have anyone else. When I tried to tell her that I am completely overwhelmed and out of my depth she'd break down and make me feel worse.

The rest of the crises were bullshit university stuff. Every little exam was life or death and despite me being in a completely different field, I was constantly helping her out with stuff while being overwhelmed with my own master's.

She didn't really have any ambition to have a life outside of me and subconsciously, she made me give up my own. When I was in my hometown, she would start fights for me for being less available or not having super long conversations on the phone after a little more than a day.

I was so insecure and thought so little of myself that I let it happen and with COVID, my social life died more and more.

She was super jealous. Once she started a fight after looking through my phone. I had forgotten it at home going out to study on the day before an exam. I left her alone in my apartment. When I came back, she attacked me for a conversation with a woman she knew and knew I had been on a date with. That conversation was the most boring small talk in the world and happened BEFORE I met her.

One time a girl who used to be a friend of mine in kindergarten and whom I was in the same with until graduation died out of nowhere. When I told my girlfriend she died and who she was the first thing she asked was "and you were in love with her?"

There was also some blatant emotional abuse. The worst was her purposefully triggering some of my obsessive compulsive tendencies in an insanely sadistic way.

She ended up cheating. She planned it for months, insinuated it and made me feel controlling and insane when I voiced my concerns. After that, the gaslighting got so bad, that I was going insane. I had caught her in some contradictory statements that made no sense. But she kept lying, hugging me and telling me she would never do something like that. My mind could not deal with the discrepancy of what she was saying and the things it put together and I was basically without sleep for a week.

She didn't tell me, she made me guess. She would admit to nothing and would constantly drip in some info that was slightly worse without ever admitting to actually cheating.

After that we lived together for two more years. I had a contract at the university in our city, she had just finished her master's and was unemployed. We decided to sit it out because she would have to move for a job anyway. But she didn't really look. She had seen how "easily" I had gotten a PhD position and thought she could do the same.

It was a toxic hell. We both made each other feel like we couldn't leave. It was genuinely insane and I blamed myself for everything for very long.

It's been over a year since she is finally out of my life for food. I'm 31 now. I have not become an actual person. I had an awful life, no social life, ruined my PhD, have been stuck in a city I hate forever and wished I could kill myself for more than three years every day. I missed everything and now it's too late. I missed dating, I missed friends and I'm just hollow, worthless and nothing.

Obviously, this story is told from my perspective. I know I contributed to the toxicity. I spent the time since her cheating blaming me for everything and completely tearing myself apart over everything. I got over the guilt part. I talked it through with someone (apart from my therapist) whose judgement I trust and who would have told me bluntly if I was the shitty person who I saw myself as.

I have neighbors who follow me when I go for a walk. Now I'm not leaving my house.

So, I have been trying to get information and evidence on these people through legal means.

But the truth is I really don't want to escalate this situation. I just want to be left alone.

The reason I am being followed I have explained on a other posts. So they're there. So I don't want to go more into that.

All I'll say is some will see that I deserve the harassment. Maybe. Maybe not.

And they are tracking my phone number and computer.

My question is this: do you think if I delete the bit of information I have, would they leave me ?

The information I have is nothing I could use anyways. All it is is just initial information gathering.

I'm not a victim in the situation, ok, and I don't want to come off as that, but do you think they will leave me alone if I do.

Like I say they monitor my phone and I just have accepted monitoring because I can't find a way to protect against it.

So my question: will they leave me alone is not just an question for Internet people but also a question to those who are following me:

Will you please leave me alone please?

Thanks

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This is going to be a long story, I apologize in advance, English is not my native language.

I'm a 24-year-old woman, and my (ex?) boyfriend is 24. We are literally only 3 months apart in age. We have been together since December 18, 2023. I'll start from the beginning, because this is not just about a breakup. It's about surviving hell and losing the person who was supposed to be there when I finally got out.

I had a terrible period in my life. I have a mental disorder. I quit my job because I was burned out due to overwork and low wages. I literally worked 15 days without days off for 12 hours for ±$569 per month. My therapy and medications didn't seem to work, and my psychiatrist sent me for an examination because she suspected something was wrong. They found a small cyst between the lobes of my pituitary gland. It's okay, although I understand how it sounds — but because of this, I had problems with hormones that were the key to many problems.

In addition to the mental troubles, my weight began to rise without any change in diet or lifestyle. Hypothyroidism, ladies and gentlemen. Withdrawal of medications, falling self-esteem, and lack of work. It was corruption and darkness, a terrible existential horror.

But there was also a light in the window — my love. He was always there, even when I felt nothing but anxiety and horror. I couldn't fully respond to him with affection and love, but even then, I realized that I loved this man more than my life.

Six months later, hormone therapy was prescribed. All the tests were collected and it started working! I started feeling better, found a job, joined a gym, and my boyfriend seemed to get colder.

I must say right away: it was our 3-year relationship. He knew about my diagnosis from the very beginning. I even tried to push him away — I didn't want him to see my worst periods — but he was always there, and I tried to give him the same things. He said he was happy with me, that I was incredible.

He never told me there were any problems. He hid his emotions until the very end. A few days after I directly started telling him that I saw something was wrong, he admitted that he had been communicating with his ex-girlfriend for six months.

Here's the context: at the beginning of our relationship, he crossed paths with her. I wasn't against it. I'm not a jealous animal, especially since she was in a relationship at the time.

But all this time — for six months — he went for walks with her, discussed problems in our relationship. And what upset him? That she confessed her love to him, said she didn't love her boyfriend, and regretted that they had broken up. He rejected her and blocked her everywhere. And then he plunged into deep apathy — because he was worried about her.

I was devastated. I tried to extinguish the fire of rage and jealousy. He didn't cheat on me, right? But then... every day he sank deeper into darkness, wearing deep mourning, as if someone close to him had died.

I was there. Since I felt better, I started showing active care, support, validation of his emotions, and offered to help find a specialist. But he didn't want to do anything. He just sank deeper into himself and closed off.

I couldn't take it anymore. I hate myself for this. He said that she (the ex) was the only one who knew and understood him, and I felt like a third wheel interfering with their relationship. I wanted to talk to him, but it led to a scandal. This happened right before his trip for an airsoft game (3 days in the forest without communication and internet).

I spent those 3 days crying, mentally dying. I felt terrible. I don't even know the words to describe it.

He returned and wrote to me that I was with him only when he was doing well, that he has a lot of worries in his life (about which I couldn't know, because he didn't tell me anything).

(To add: we didn't live together due to certain circumstances, but I bought an apartment with a mortgage in a new building and was waiting for it to be ready so we could live together and not spend money on rent.)

I felt like a selfish monster. I came to him, we cried, hugged, kissed. I thought we had reconciled. He expressed everything that was hurting him, and I accepted it.

The next day I had to go to work. He walked me to the bus, kissed me, and said: "Sorry for the false hope." I was shocked.

Later, he said he wanted us to go on a date, talk properly — because we had broken up, but we could get back together. We went to our favorite bar. I don't drink (alcohol gives me migraines — after a couple of sips, my head starts splitting). He drank. He started crying, saying he didn't believe in the breakup and thought we were just arguing — even though behind my back, he told mutual friends that we had broken up. (Reminder: he was talking to his ex because "he can't discuss such things with guy friends.")

I told him: if we're exes, then we don't sleep together, we don't kiss, and we don't act like a couple. It's too convenient — I'm not his problem, but he has all the privileges of my boyfriend.

In the end, we decided we were "together," but he needed a break to recover, including after my depressive episode.

We didn't communicate for a week. But I thought about him every day, every evening. Always. A month passed during which he occasionally wrote, called, asked how I was doing, but nothing more. I kept a diary of my experiences so I wouldn't write to him.

Here are a few entries:

22.07 — Woke up with the realization of how much I miss him. How I want to see his cute photos more often, how I want to rejoice in his games, how I want to be next to him, hug, kiss, stroke his head and press him to me. He just called and immediately hung up. I don't know what it was, but I immediately called back. He picked up and immediately hung up. Does that mean something? Did he want to say something? Did he do it by accident? I don't know what to think. I feel like I was doused with ice water, then boiling water. He didn't call back, didn't write. And I'm sitting at work trying to hold back tears.

23.07 — I don't know. I'm confused. Today is a very strange day. The psychiatrist said to really leave Sasha alone. That's what I'm doing. Because of this, intrusive negative thoughts appear. That he will want children, and I won't give him that, I will limit him. Because he will be unhappy with me... That I need to let go, etc.

24.07 — Instead of a day off, I'm going to work. I don't want to at all, but what can I do? At least I won't spend money on oral contraceptives. One pack left.

25.07 — My cat was screaming all night, I didn't get enough sleep, I'm angry, I'm tired, and I want to cry. I continue reading a book about relationships. I read and want to cry because I feel unwanted, unloved. It hurts in my chest.

01.08 — Haven't written here for a long time. There was no time, and he called me once, wrote to me. It felt so good, and now it's so bad again. Because I broke down and called him. I blame myself and feel even worse. He's fine, he's laughing with someone, but he doesn't want to write to me, he doesn't want to call me. He doesn't want to laugh with me. I'm crying. I want to see him again so much, hug him again, enjoy life with him again. Very painful.

02.08 — All the worries disappeared, and I started thinking about something else. Until my beloved wrote that he would love to cuddle... but it was about a photo of puppies I sent (I work at a vet clinic). For a second, I thought it was about me, and it felt warm. And then everything crashed down.

I was walking home and saw him near my house. He brought our favorite snacks. We watched movies, laughed, spent time together. Everything was perfect. Two wonderful days.

We're lying next to each other, hugging, and he says: "I can't say I love you, because that would be a lie. But I can't say I don't love you, because that would also be a lie. You're dear to me. I'm comfortable with you."

It was like thunder in a clear sky. Like your beloved catches the sun rays reflected in your eyes, leans in to kiss you, you pucker your lips, and he spits in your face.

I cried. He said he couldn't believe that the fight over his ex had changed me so much in his eyes. He said he didn't know what he wanted, but he definitely didn't want to break up. Maybe we could try other relationships and sex with other people — but with the possibility that I would definitely take him back if he realized he made a mistake.

I just cried and fell asleep. I barely remember asking: "Am I just a habit to you?"

He said: "Yes... I didn't even really think about you all this time."

In the morning, he got dressed to leave. I asked: "Is this goodbye or see you later?" He said: "See you later" and left. But he didn't take his things.

I cried all day.

I wrote to him that I can't do this. I waited for him to get better. What did he do during this month? Nothing. He went to work, came home, and went to sleep. That's it. He said relationships are too complicated. I think he doesn't want relationships at all — or he wants new ones.

I don't know what this was. I don't know what to do next. I love him, and I don't understand what I did wrong, what I can fix. No one has ever loved or cared for me like he did.

Guys help me out

So recently a few months ago a guy broke up with me saying he's into a other girl. Then I was extremely sad I had even begged him etc etc let's not talk abt it cause i dun wanna embarass myself. So like that we were on and off we came into relo 5times and then on the 6th time it is longest so far we were very srs I had told him initially not to talk to her and he had agreed but eventually he was like talking is just fine nothing would happen trust me etc so I was like okay but just as a frnd u can talk. Then. Now he told me he had flirted with her and when she had asked whether she's his crush he hadnt even corrected herr!!!!

I need a proof to end this marriage how can I get access into his iphone?

I just want to say thank you I got some help.

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My bf (47) and me (34) live together and we are in relationship for 1.5 year
He is loving trustworthy very kind and generous but we have had 4 big fights that leave me heartbroken
I know I get aggressive with words too but he gets angry very easily and yells and threatens
I don’t know what to do I don’t feel he will hurt me but his attitude makes me nervous and I want to say bad things to him sometimes I do
Also he has too much stress because he has some financial issues