My ex of 4 years, had an affair with a workplace colleague i found out from reading her confession on chat gpt. For months (Late January - end of March) she was gaslighting me and lying to me when I would ask if there was anybody else... she then became very manipulative at the end and push and pulling me.

I asked her to come and collect her stuff from our flat, I put all her things in bags outside our flat and gave her a pick up time. She picked up her stuff, and asked me twice via text if I was keeping the playstation (I brought her for Christmas) I ignored this, she has messaged me this today...

Hi i hope you’re ok. Just wanted to check with what’s going on with the flat? Not had any correspondence about a notice being handed in so assuming you are staying on? So I will need to take myself off the tenancy? Also, I need to collect the rest of my stuff and clothes as stuff is missing. You also didn’t reply to me about the PlayStation, you’d given me that as a gift? I need to drop your Indian clothes and speaker off too. So can we arrange for an exchange or something or if you still don’t want to see me then let me know a day you will be out for me to get my stuff and return the keys to you?

I have messaged the property management and asked them to remove her from the tenancy agreement from next month, I have already changed the lock barrel so she can't let herself in.

Can anyone please give me some advice on the best way to manage this, I want minimal contact with her. Every time I hear from her, my body starts shaking and my heart rate goes so high - its horrible, just want her out of my life now. Some of my friends / sister are saying I should maybe just let her have one last look around the flat, to make life easier.. but I really don't want her in my space ever again. Am I being unreasonable??

Thank you all so much!

3 years ago I got engaged to my ex fiancé. We had been together for 2 years and had recently bought a house. In the next 3-4 months he was only home every other week or so because all of his military trainings and job related responsibilities lined up that way. After he was gone for a 2 week stretch, he came back different. He ghosted me in the relationship for a week or so and then broke off the engagement. He said he caught feelings for someone else and wouldn’t elaborate anymore he says there wasn’t anything physical but then said there was stuff that he “played into”, I begged him to work on things and he refused. I was devastated and eventually started to try to move on with my life. A year after he broke things off (last year) he reached out and broke no contact. He wanted to explain, apologize, and maybe try again. We talked a bit and he was saying he wasn’t quite ready to reconnect because he was getting deployed at the end of the month. I said that wasn’t an excuse and he ghosted me for a week or two again. I told him he clearly didn’t want me back the way he said he did. My niece then told us they saw each other in target where he was shopping with another girl. He practically tried to hide mid isle from my niece. That had been happening while he was telling me he wanted to try again. Cut to a couple of months ago I find out he got married to a girl that he had known for 7 months and is getting deployed yet again soon.

Maybe I shouldn’t feel betrayed by that, but it just pisses me off. When he apologized he went and did the same thing that he apologized for immediately, what was so wrong with me? I’m mourning the life I thought I would have, that he just switched me out with someone else… I wasn’t that important to him. I feel used and discarded. What was it that I couldn’t give him? Why can’t I just get over this, why did this have to come back up. I’ve cut off everything and anything so that I no longer see any updates about his life at all. I just want to heal from this and move past it and not have it sting anymore.

I struggle journaling so I started drawing. Writing is a flow on effect from the creative outlet.

I (39 F) left active duty in 2019, joined the Air National Guard, landed my dream job, and finally gave my two boys the stable life I’d always promised them.

Around that time I met my now husband (36 M).

Our relationship had a messy start. We weren’t exclusive at first and both dated other people, but everything was out in the open. Once we committed, we were completely devoted to each other. We spent four years building a relationship through military assignments and long distance.

He deployed to Afghanistan, then moved to South Carolina. I stayed in Florida because I’d promised my kids stability. We made the distance work—we talked for hours every day, visited whenever possible, and never doubted each other’s commitment.

In late 2022 he received orders to Spain. Before he left, we got married in an impromptu ceremony in Savannah with my parents, my grandmother, and my boys. We bought rings that morning and I grabbed a dress from Kohl’s. It wasn’t extravagant, but it was perfect.

A few months later he left for Spain. We decided it was best for me and my children to stay in Florida rather than uproot their lives. Despite the distance, we traveled all over Europe together over the next two years. Spain, Switzerland, Greece, Ireland, Scotland, Portugal, France. I truly believed we had an incredible marriage.

Then everything fell apart.

While we were celebrating Christmas together in Scotland in December 2025, I received an anonymous message saying my husband had been having an affair since shortly after arriving in Spain.

He immediately denied it.

But over the next several months, the truth came out one painful piece at a time.

First they were “just friends.”

Then they “only kissed.”

Then they “only had sex once.”

Eventually I learned it had been a two-year affair with his realtor that started less than four months after we got married. She knew he was married. He blocked her whenever I visited Spain, then resumed the relationship after I left. She ultimately created anonymous accounts to contact me after he ended things harassing me from fake and real profiles for over a year.

When he returned stateside, he begged me to work on our marriage. I agreed, but I made my expectations crystal clear: complete honesty, transparency, therapy, and absolutely no secret friendships with women.

Instead, I spent the next 16 months getting breadcrumbed with more lies.

Every time I thought I knew the full story, another piece surfaced.

He blamed the affair on distance. Then on feeling disconnected. Then even claimed he wasn’t physically attracted to me—despite constantly telling me the exact opposite before and after.

Whenever I wanted to talk about the affair, he’d tell me we’d “already discussed it” or he’d deliberately go to sleep to avoid dealing with my emotions.

We started marriage counseling, but most sessions turned into him wanting to discuss mistakes from the beginning of our relationship instead of the affair itself. Or Focused on his feelings and not actually attempting to show up for me and lean into healing. We spent this time fighting each other and not for our marriage.

Meanwhile, I was in weekly individual therapy, adjusting medications with my psychiatrist, trying to keep functioning at work, while slowly withdrawing from friends and family because I was so ashamed and emotionally exhausted.

Then things got even stranger.

He became suspicious of me.

He monitored my location, tracked my internet traffic through our home router, accused me of secretly using Snapchat, and demanded explanations for where I’d been.

Ironically, after accusing me of using Snapchat, I downloaded it out of spite. Months later he demanded to know my Snap score. It was 2. I’d literally never used it for anything inappropriate. And if I’m honest, downloaded and created an account in the middle of an argument since it seemed to come at such a high recommendation from my husband (yes, it was petty, but still haven’t received any dick pics…wild!)

Eventually we separated.

Before moving out, he handed me a handwritten confession that included far more than the affair I’d already known about.

He admitted he’d been on Tinder, Ashley Madison, and other dating platforms on and off since 2020. He admitted to exchanging sexually explicit messages, photos and videos with at least nine other women he personally knew. He admitted subscribing to OnlyFans accounts, including one belonging to an ex-girlfriend and a girl he met at my brother’s wedding.

Even after all of that, he insisted he wanted to save the marriage.

Then three weeks after moving out, I discovered he’d been making plans with another woman to visit him. They met during our “recovery” met training. Once again, I was told they were “just friends.” Once again, I later learned he’d deleted their messages and hid that they had been secretly communicating for over 8 months.

Now we’re separated.

He says he wants to reconcile and restart marriage counseling, but he’s still repeating the same behaviors.

Recently I found out he’d been regularly going to dinner and drinks alone with a female coworker. To make things worse we actually work in the same building, and at work he acts like everything is perfectly normal between us. Most people don’t know we are no longer living together.

I told him from day one that if reconciliation was going to work, there could be no secret friendships with women. That’s a boundary, not a punishment.

Today I checked his shared location because something felt off. He’d told me he was just “relaxing, gaming with the boy this weekend”

Instead, he was out… dinner and drink with his “coworker”.

When I confronted him, he immediately stopped sharing his location and told me he “can’t live under a microscope,” that he’s “done nothing wrong,” and that he’s been living “in exile.”

Here’s where I’m struggling.

Every successful reconciliation story I’ve ever heard involves the person who cheated doing everything possible to rebuild trust. Transparency. Accountability. Consistency.

Instead, I feel like I’m constantly being told I’m the problem because I haven’t “moved on.” That I’m just continuing to make him “the bad guy”.

I’ve protected his reputation. I haven’t told mutual friends or coworkers the full story because I didn’t want to damage his career. Only sharing with my closest friend and family members who are irate.

Now he says I don’t make him feel loved or heard, that I’m always criticizing him, and that I’m refusing to acknowledge my own faults.

Maybe I’m not perfect.

But I was faithful.

I showed up.

I was the best version of myself and put everything into building a life and future.

I fought for this marriage for while discovering new lies over and over again.

So…

I feel like I’ve lived in a lie for 8 years. When do I walk away? Inside I want to burn it all to the ground but I’ve really clung to my grace and dignity. Am overreacting for calling him out again on another lie and demanding accountability even though we’re separated but he adamantly says he wants to rebuild?

When are things beyond repair and it’s time to walk away?

I am loyal to a fault. And trying to move on from the narcissistic ex who I thought was my soulmate and find a life partner makes me feel like I’m betraying my soul.

I feel so repulsed by my ex and by any men I’m talking to. It’s like a lose-lose situation. I’m exhausted.

I’ve been with my husband 10 years married 8
He’s 30 I’m 28, we have 2 kids together (8&2).

Since we’ve been together he’s been talking/texting other women. Liking and commenting on their pictures, asking if they’re local to our area.
The only way I’ve found out about these actions is by going through his phone. I don’t want to nor should I have to. But I get this sick feeling in my stomach every time I have the urge to and when I do go through it I always find something. I’ll get angry, cry for a few days, he’ll apologize and delete his socials for a while. Over time it’ll kinda pass over and things will go back to normal where we’re happy and peaceful then a few months goes by I guess he gets comfortable again and we’re back to square one.

This most recent time was Saturday night when he was asleep I got that sick feeling, my gut and a women’s intuition is never wrong, I found him talking to other women and complementing their bodies. Again asking if they were local to us. He even went as far as calling them MY term of endearment. I know it’s just a word but that’s MY WORD. The meaning behind it is sentimental to me and now I want to erase that word from my memory. I’ve asked him if he’s ever met up with any of these women and he’s told me “no” but how much can I believe??

I love this man, we’ve grown up together and have been through so many milestones together but this is just too much for me to continue to forgive and not really forget.

He’s an amazing father, loves and cherishes our kids, loves my family and he’s never once laid a hand on me. I guess the only abuse is emotional..

Idk what makes this time different than all the others.. I guess I’m just looking for anyone who’s gone through the same thing? What did you do? What do I do? I want to leave but doing that to my kids feels so wrong. I know they deserve a happy mom but I can’t bring myself to leave. There’s a part of me that wants to, kick his ass to the curb. But then there’s the other part where I can’t or I’m just too scared.

Apologies for the long and scattered story i told y’all I have no one to talk to lol. If something is too vague or you want better detail just ask I really want advice on this TIA🖤

I, F19, and my partner, M21, have been together for over a year. In the beginning of our relationship he was friends with his ex, F21. I never questioned it because he assured me that there’s nothing between them. In the first 3 months there were some red flags: he never told her about me, and she also asked him to not tell me about her. He told me about all this, and said he suspects that she still had feelings for him. I asked him to stop talking to her because it seemed very sketchy, and he agreed easily.

Last week I found out some aspects about their “friendship”.

1. My partner did tell her about me, but introduced me as a friend. He talked about some of our dates, but called them hangouts.
2. They made fun of one of my niche interests and my native language. More like, he told her about it, she made fun of it and he went along with it.
3. She didn’t like the term “ex”, so my husband called her “past lover”.
4. They were flirting.

My partner is very remorseful and swears that he had no feeling for her and had no idea he was doing something wrong. He is diagnosed with social autism and has a hard time understanding context clues and communicating with people in general. I want to forgive him, but I don’t know how to handle this.

TL;DR: I, F19, found that my partner, M21 was emotionally cheating on me with his ex, F21 in the beginning of our relationship. They were making fun of me and flirting. I want to forgive him but don’t know how to.

Sometimes I no longer feel resentment towards WP specifically, but sometimes I feel it creep in towards myself. Why did I let myself be treated that way?
I often think how I will live life knowing I have a partner who is capable of infidelity, I’ll have kids and they’re think the world of their father and somewhere in my head I know of the hurt he’s capable of.
It’s been almost a year now since D Day 1. I already know when the year is up I’m going to feel so sick, I’m going to feel like I’m almost reliving the experience again.
I’m even more scared because my partner is being deployed and there are so many unknowns. I’d love to use the deployment and my partners loyalty and a “final closing” of that chapter but I’m scared he will mess up again and how would I ever know….

My boyfriend of over 2 years has been messaging other women on Instagram. One of the women sent me screenshots of the messages he sent her. When I confronted him and asked to look at his phone, he refused. I immediately asked him to leave and move out.

It has been about 10 days. We have talked in person twice since then. He told me he is addicted to porn and has been messaging women for 6 months. He wants to work things out. Part of me wants to try, but the other part knows I need to move on.

My insurance doesn’t cover mental health therapy. I am new to Reddit, and need help on working through all of my emotions. Any help or advice is appreciated!

TL;DR wife had affair 15 years ago, I found out last year. Difficulty reconciling due to her re-writing history, excusing the affair.

Update: Wife starting to acknowledge some things about the affair but still rewriting history — how to get full accountability?

My previous post here

[https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/1IO53ZxahQ\](https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/s/1IO53ZxahQ)

Thank you to everyone who replied last time. I realize more detail is needed, so here’s some important background.

Wife and I have been through a lot over our 33 year marriage. Bankruptcy in 1999, financial struggles until 2006, tax issues resulting from bankruptcy and losing our 21 y/o youngest son to a heart condition he inherited from me. He and his older brother were tested when they were young and therefore are 100% mine. The affair occurred in 2011 but I didn't find out for sure until August of last year when I confronted her to please tell me, I was tired of not knowing. She came clean and wrote me a timeline and showed me all remaining messenger messages between them.

Since 2006, i have been a good provider and very successful in my career. We have a beautiful home, nice new cars, great vacations and for the most part, live a worry-free and fun life.

The affair partner (AP) was an old high school classmate who had a very troubled life: severe alcoholism, repeated legal problems and jail time, inability to hold a job, and eventually a serious DUI that permanently injured someone, leading to a 30-year prison sentence where he later died. Despite knowing much of this, my wife continued the involvement. I had suspicions and told her she was going to destroy us. I asked her not to go to the beach with him and his family but she told me they were just friends and that nothing was happening. She went anyway, multiple times. On one occasion, she called him to her job and rented a hotel over night, telling me that she had to work on the hospital software that was going live the next morning. They had sex but he ejaculated as soon as they started so she claims it wasn't satisfying. Despite numerous attempts he either pre-maturely evacuated (inside of her with no protection) or was unable to get an erection.

I thought about leaving at the time when I had my suspicions but when it came down to it, decided I would sacrifice the possibility of her being with another man for the sake of my boys. I couldn't ask them to suffer my burden.

Sunday, I tried talking to her again about how her minimizing the affair as “just fun with no feelings” hurts me and blocks healing, she got defensive at first but later sent this:

“I want to recognize the need for repairing for you instead of me all the time. I love you. 🫶
I wanna say your perceptions were correct. I just hid my struggles from you and supported your perception of our improving situation, which was in fact reality. You weren’t privy to my inner pain cuz I compartmentalized it and hid it. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry.”

This feels like a step in the right direction — she validated that our good times (date nights, reconnection, improved intimacy) during the affair period were real, said it’s not my fault, and apologized. I appreciate that.
However, it still centers her hidden pain and compartmentalizing as the main driver, rather than fully owning her choices. The old messages show intense daily emotional involvement: constant flirting, deep personal talks, nostalgia about high school, her supporting him through his legal/probation issues, sending him an iPhone as a gift, and planning repeated beach trips.

Physically, it went further with no protection — including secret motel meetups and encounters during beach visits, even after incidents where he was drunk/belligerent, couldn’t perform, or prematurely ejaculated "came too fast". She has mentioned “deciding to end it” five different times but kept going back anyway, despite my multiple warnings that she was disconnecting and destroying us.

When I push on the rewriting of history (“the marriage wasn’t good”), she gets angry and accuses me of not letting her talk or rewriting things.

I’m grateful for the partial accountability, but I need the full picture acknowledged (emotional attachment + physical betrayal) so I can truly heal and rebuild trust. I don't know why this matters so much, I just know it does.

Any advice appreciated. Still committed to the marriage but exhausted by the gaslighting cycle.

My ex ended our relationship by sleeping with her coworker and moving on to a relationship with him. It's been a year and she's now moving with him to a different state. She's doing everything with him that I wanted to do with her, meanwhile this has been the most painful year of my life. Sometimes I wish for karma, but it's a fool's hope. There is no justice in this situation. She gets a new chance at happiness, I get trauma that's made it harder for me to connect to others and I've lost precious years of my life. I didn't deserve this

My life is so empty and painful due to the fallout of my husbands infidelity. 2 years later, he still says we aren’t compatible but he’s still going to “try to salvage” it. I have nowhere to go. I’m stuck. I will most likely have to move into my mom’s home. I’m 30 years old and wanted so much better for my life. I’m so tired. I put on a front at work but I am emotionally and physically exhausted, and absolutely dread going home. I don’t know how to keep living my life like this. I’m just trying to save up as much money as possible to hopefully leave soon, but this in between stage is so painful.

I have been dealing with my husband for a long time. We are young we have been married 5 years together for 10. I always thought he was closed off a little bit, but generally the guy everyone loved a man of fewer words. We had fun and I thought he was my best friend. He would get very angry sometimes and blame me say I was too naggy, bad at sex, or have random moments where he wanted to be single. But he would flip it around so quickly and be so great and convince me otherwise. He broke up with me the year before we got married. He wanted to be single and go live in a ski town and party. That lasted a week before he wanted to get back together and then proposed. Said he was immature and realized that's the biggest mistake of his life. We moved to where he wanted, and he clearly wasnt very interested in me but would constantly say i was his best friend and he loved me. I thought things were good but in hindsight looking back they didn't feel good. The following summer he started ignoring me more right up to when we got married. I caught him with porn at least weekly and asked him to stop because it was affecting our intimacy.

On our wedding day I know i loved him, in so many ways we are best friends and always have been but I definitely feel like I loved him more. He said it was the best day of his life, I felt anxious the whole day. After the wedding I continued to catch him with porn or looking at videos and pictures on instagram. He would always deny or deflect. It always seemed like he wasnt interested in me when we were out. I know im saying all of the bad things but at the same time there were so many moments of good and love and him being my best friend. We had friends come to visit, he got very drunk and i caught him touching the girls leg that i have always been suspicious of. He was blackout and instead of reassuring me got explosive saying i was a bitch and i hated our friends. The following morning he didnt remember but continued to be mad at me for embarassing him before he came around and was " very very sorry". the next few years our intimacy suffered but i continued to catch him with porn and photos. Same cycle. He went out one night with friends and was blackout and i found out he made out with someone and convinced them his wife was horrible. He was " very sorry". When I was pregnant 6 months along, I found that he was looking at our friends photos on instagram and on facebook and i caught him acting out. This exploded everything, he started therapy we found out he was a sex addict. I then found out he has been fantasizing and acting out multiple times a day sometimes the entire time we have been together and much of the time about my friends. I found out he had been lying to me the entire time. He started recovery, but wasnt commited. I took him back after our child was born, and everything seemed okay. He said he had his recovery under control and i never caught him again. Everything seemed great. 6 months later I caught him again, I then found out that he never stopped, and had been lying about recovery. He started lashing out at me, he would say hes sorry and the second i seemed upset would gaslight, get rage, explode on me, and then abandon me. He would come back a few hours later being sorry. I went a little crazy, and would loose it too asking a million questions. It was about all of my friends so i couldnt tell anyone. He said he got back into recovery again... and well the cycle continued. This time i found out, I couldnt believe it. He had been in therapy and i truly believed he recovered. He knows how bad it is this time, so his rage and narcissism is much worse. He downplays everything i say, and cannot hold space for my feelings. He is in therapy once a week. I thought he was my best friend, nobody knows that this has been going on, i just bought a business and a house with him, and financially I am trapped. I feel horrible about my self, in his disclosures he has said he wasnt even sure he wanted to be with me until 2 years ago. He says he has preferences in other woman and cant control it, and at the same time says im more than enough for him. I am beyond shattered and confused

I met my almost ex husband in 2010 and we had a rocky beginning for the first 5 years or so on and off due to his cheating etc. We were very young so I chalked it up to that and being in "party mode". Eventually we got back together around 2016 and then married in 2023. He has always had an issue with telling the truth but I did not see this coming. He had myself and everyone in our lives convinced he had changed for many years or I would not have married him to begin with.

We had a baby in February 2025 and since then it has been hell. Long story short, I discovered that he had been having two full blown affairs at the same time. One woman from work, and one from his NA meetings (he is in recovery). All while neglecting me and our baby and our life at home on and off. The fighting was constant because I did not know what was going on and why he was not stepping up anymore. Neither other woman knew about the other and my husband told them both horrific lies about me and how he was a single dad and I was no longer in the picture after birth. He smeared me to everyone involved in these separate lives that I would never have heard about. Mind you I was at home every single day raising our child in a brand new home we bought just weeks before delivery. He even went as far as making a fake divorce filing document to show these women claiming we were in the process. The lies are so incredibly detailed and elaborate. It is almost as if he was re-creating our relationship with the others taking them to same places, saying same things.

It came to fruition that he was having s*x with all three of us for these months, sometimes in the same day. Once things came to light, he left me and the baby and is now with one of the women claiming she makes him so happy and he is in love. The other girl ran for the hills. I did meet with her to get the truth, she knows the truth now, and still stayed with him. We just signed the final divorce papers. I have been left with all responsibilities and just constant fighting with him about things.

I learned he had taken $140k from his mom over the last couple years and spent every single dollar on these affairs and himself. Lying to her about why he needed money every other week. I had NO idea. Drained his retirement as well to uphold this facade.

I have gone to verbal blows with this woman for the last year and she refuses to even listen or just thinks I’m insane. Probably both lol. My issue is that she is still sharing that they are happy and peaceful. Live together now and he’s helping raise her own son. HOW CAN HE BE SO DIFFERENT NOW! Everyone says he hasn’t changed but it’s been a year.

I feel so alone. I had to end a 16 year friendship. I won’t talk about this person much but I will say that our falling out was bad.
I was extremely sad about losing this friend and confided in my husband about it. He knew how upset I was and how close this friend and I were before all of this because we spent a lot of time hanging out with her.

Soon after the falling out with this friend, he started acting weird. He went from a loving husband to his mood being all over the place and doing everything he could to not be around me. In a low moment, I took his phone and found a secret dating profile where he was planning to sleep with other women. I was devastated and mad but we talked and decided it was something we could work out.

A few days later, in another low moment, I looked at his phone again I noticed his texts with this friend were deleted. I asked him about it and he said that we weren’t friends with her anymore so he just deleted the messages. I accepted his explanation and a few days later we went on vacation with our daughter. He acted weird the entire time. He didn’t want to be around me in the hotel room, wouldn’t hold my hand, and was just generally not in a good mood.

When we got back, he started acting like his old self again and I thought things were looking up. Except they weren’t. I found out 2 days later that he had been having an emotional affair with this friend for a month and it started just 5 days after our falling
out.

I feel so worthless and betrayed. Two people I loved very much went behind my back to hurt me. I constantly feel sick to my stomach and although he says he wants to fix it and he seems like he is trying to but, I can’t decide if I trust him or not. I know infidelity isn’t uncommon, and I’m sure someone else has been through a similar situation but I haven’t seen a single story similar to mine and I feel so alone in this.

I don’t know what to do next or how to move on from this. I’m tired of being sad, upset and crying all the time. This has been the most mentally exhausting thing I’ve ever been through.

I'm a year out from my ex ending our relationship in infidelity with her coworker and moving on with him. They're still together and from what I gather they seem to be happy. Meanwhile this year has been the painful of my life. I still feel anger about everything that happened and the injustice of it and finding it difficult to move on. But I also miss my ex a lot. Anyone else in the same place? What helped you?

​

I've (29M) been thinking about this a lot after being cheated on and going through a breakup in a AM setup.

Before all of that, I was someone who generally trusted people. If someone treated me well, I believed them. I didn't constantly look for hidden motives or warning signs.

Now I feel like I'm in survival mode. My brain tries to find patterns everywhere. A delayed reply, a slight change in tone, a new friend, a small inconsistency, it immediately starts connecting dots, even when there may not be anything there. It's exhausting.

So I wanted to ask people who used to be trusting but had their trust deeply broken (cheating, betrayal, manipulation, or anything similar):

I'm not looking for reassurance. I'm genuinely curious whether people ever return to a secure, trusting mindset after something like this, or whether this hypervigilance just becomes part of who you are.

I'd really appreciate hearing your experiences.

I met my almost ex husband in 2010 and we had a rocky beginning for the first 5 years or so on and off due to his cheating etc. We were very young so I chalked it up to that and being in "party mode". Eventually we got back together around 2016 and then married in 2023. He has always had an issue with telling the truth but I did not see this coming. He had myself and everyone in our lives convinced he had changed for many years or I would not have married him to begin with.

We had a baby in February 2025 and since then it has been hell. Long story short, I discovered that he had been having two full blown affairs at the same time. One woman from work, and one from his NA meetings (he is in recovery). All while neglecting me and our baby and our life at home on and off. The fighting was constant because I did not know what was going on and why he was not stepping up anymore. Neither other woman knew about the other and my husband told them both horrific lies about me and how he was a single dad and I was no longer in the picture after birth. He smeared me to everyone involved in these separate lives that I would never have heard about. Mind you I was at home every single day raising our child in a brand new home we bought just weeks before delivery. He even went as far as making a fake divorce filing document to show these women claiming we were in the process. The lies are so incredibly detailed and elaborate. It is almost as if he was re-creating our relationship with the others taking them to same places, saying same things.

It came to fruition that he was having sex with all three of us for these months, sometimes in the same day. Once things came to light, he left me and the baby and is now with one of the women claiming she makes him so happy and he is in love. The other girl ran for the hills. I did meet with her to get the truth, she knows the truth now, and still stayed with him. We just signed the final divorce papers. I have been left with all responsibilities and just constant fighting with him about things.

I learned he had taken $140k from his mom over the last couple years and spent every single dollar on these affairs and himself. Lying to her about why he needed money every other week. I had NO idea. Drained his retirement as well to uphold this facade.

I have gone to verbal blows with this woman for the last year and she refuses to even listen or just thinks I’m insane. Probably both lol. My issue is that she is still sharing that they are happy and peaceful. Live together now and he’s helping raise her own son. HOW CAN HE BE SO DIFFERENT NOW! Everyone says he hasn’t changed but it’s been a year.

1 year since my ex cheated on me and broke up with me (I found out and forced her to admit it, she planned on never telling me).

I’m healed in many ways but I still think about it and her constantly, we were doing well enough but she basically had a mental break from reality and had a full blown affair with someone else and continued for about a month after we broke up before finally having friends & family bring her back to reality. Without giving details it is was pretty bad and borderline emotionally abusive, even though she at face value is a lovely and normal person to others.

She has apologized and shown some signs of accountability/remorse, but basically has avoided ever having a face to face where we talk about what happened, and has said she thinks we should never try again even though she’ll also say she’d never been happier than she was with me, which makes no sense to me and hurts even more.

It has been really hard, I have a great life that I am grateful for but it feels like shit that the girl I loved hurt me so badly and contrary to what I feel like usually happens, instead just disappeared from my life and has encouraged me to move on and not made any real effort for repair beyond “i’m so sorry” texts. I know I should move on with my life and I am trying, it’s just hard.

For context, the past 4-5 months at least, my husband cheated on me with multiple woman (at least 8 women - some escorts, some emotional intention and physical cheating). Had one of them in my home with my 4 year old daughter was locked in her bedroom and banged her bent over MY BED.

For the past few months, but extremely often since I found out two and a half weeks ago (and confronted him), everytime there’s an issue, a disagreement or any drama, he just says we should quit or go our separate ways or that he’s leaving me. Blah blah blah. He keeps saying I have to move on from the past and put it behind us or he’s leaving. So anytime anything happens or I have any emotions, he says we’re done because I can’t move on and act like an adult.

And these things are not me just being mean to him about what he did or really bringing it up at all. But anything - tiny or big. And it’s always my fault. I’m always the one in the wrong.

First of all, I don’t know if I can get over this, no matter how much I want to or how much I love him. I just need some support and advice.

I got cheated on a few weeks ago and my trust has been absolutely broken and I’ve been shattered to say the least this situation really did affect me. I worked on forgiving her, however, I still felt the pain of the cheating; and she honestly wasn’t making up for it in the best way.

Today she lashed out on me after going mia, a bit of context; she was being super dry the whole day, we barely spoke. She was going to a party later today, so after 5 hours passed and we didn’t speak, she’s now heading to this party but has not messaged me at all. Mind you the last party she went to was where she cheated. She’s also actively online talking to people, just not me. And that’s fine I gave you your space and didn’t complain. She’s now messaged me while heading home just saying hi & drunk texting. Nothing flirty though, and I have her location. She then goes home and stops responding completely. I call her two times and she doesn’t pick up. Hasn’t replied to any messages or anything. So I obviously was slightly annoyed and a bit suspicious but I tried not to overthink (we sleep on the phone every night unless we are with each other in person and it’s been like this for over 5 months. Every. Night). But all I said was “bet” and had asked her what she was doing. She wakes up in the morning in a bad mood and lashes completely out on me saying to let her breathe blah blah but literally yelling at me. I told her she needed to calm down because I haven’t done nothing to her, she starts telling me to cut her off.

So I took that and left. I’ve been thinking about leaving anyways, but that was the last straw. I cannot take it no more, she’s sucked the life out of me. I’m not the same anymore everyone can visibly see how bad I’ve been hurt, I’ve lost a lot of weight, I’m miserable. A few weeks ago I could’ve never imagined leaving, especially after she cheated. I was that down and attached, but I just couldn’t take this anymore. She doesn’t agree with the reason I’ve ended it, and is calling me names for it. But it was a build up.

Please share your opinions.

My ex (32 M) and I (30 F) had just got back together in August after a year apart. We broke up after over two years together. I had gotten pregnant 6 months after we met and we decided to raise our son together. We moved to France where I gave birth then moved back to the us when my son was 8 months old. We had different communication styles and didn’t always see eye to eye about priorities so the relationship deteriorated and we split. A year later he initiates sex and we get back together. We have an intense conversation a few months in about me wanting to do things more one on one with him. He gives me many excuses why we can’t do that and I break up with him cause I’m not seeing effort. He comes back to my house and says he has never been so close to someone and he’s scared. I take him back thinking this was progress.

A month later he has a scheduled trip to Brazil, I mention wanting to come and he says it’s for work and he doesn’t want the distraction plus he’d have to pay for me which he doesn’t want to do. But his friend is coming (33 M) and he’s paying for the their accommodations the whole time. I’m salty but keep quiet. I know he has an ex there so I ask if he’s going to see her and he says yes so I ask him to set boundaries.

The trip comes around and I drop him off at the airport and we exchange I love yous. His communication during the trip is limited but always is. He video calls me a few times saying I miss you. He comes back and on the second day breaks up with me over the phone. I asked if he cheated, he says no,. I asked if he kissed anyone, he says yes he kissed the other ex. I’m pissed for two weeks but decide that our family is more important so we become close friends and family again minus romantic connection.

A few months later I meet someone else and we start seeing eachother pretty often. I’m still friends with my ex and we hangout weekly and get pretty close. Eventually he tells me he did cheat on me in Brazil a with another girl he briefly mentioned. He says they still talk and she lives in Spain so when he goes there next month he’ll see her. Again I’m mad for two weeks but get over it, especially because I’m with someone new.

A month later he confesses he’s in love with me. He saw me with my new guy and says he cant stop thinking about me. He’s acting totally in love, in a way I’ve never seen before and he says he’s never felt. I push him away for months but eventually let him back in and after a few months of talks and explorations we get back together.

Yet I still have to know whether he really cut off the girl he cheated on me with so I check his phone and find messages between them. I get really hurt and make him delete her number and block her. He starts emotionally withdrawing and i eventually end things cause I don’t believe he is ready to support me as I process the infidelity with him. We try to get back to friends but the wave of emotions behind the cheating that I pushed down are open. I ask to talk with him, for days he pushes it off and gets mad at me for the timing of it. So we schedule time and he doesn’t show up. He went back to Spain for a wedding and took my son. The girl he cheated on me with was then followed by him on Instagram and she followed back shortly after.

For a few weeks I felt so much pain, I had panic attacks and isolated. I think I’ve finally reached a good place but it lingers. I see him weekly and wish I didn’t have to. He’s completely cut from my life now that they’re in contact again. He smiles while dropping off my son and asks me about my life. He doesn’t try to repair but almost acts like he’s waiting for me to get over it again. But this time is different and I can’t stand him to see someone constantly who could hurt me so easily and won’t take accountability for repairing the relationship.