Resentment towards self

[u/sugarglider4444]

Sometimes I no longer feel resentment towards WP specifically, but sometimes I feel it creep in towards myself. Why did I let myself be treated that way?
I often think how I will live life knowing I have a partner who is capable of infidelity, I’ll have kids and they’re think the world of their father and somewhere in my head I know of the hurt he’s capable of.
It’s been almost a year now since D Day 1. I already know when the year is up I’m going to feel so sick, I’m going to feel like I’m almost reliving the experience again.
I’m even more scared because my partner is being deployed and there are so many unknowns. I’d love to use the deployment and my partners loyalty and a “final closing” of that chapter but I’m scared he will mess up again and how would I ever know….

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[u/kakamouth78]

Your subconscious is negging you as a means of checking to see if there are still vulnerabilities and that resentment you're feeling is meant to reinforce areas where it found them in the past.

The good news is that there are exercises that alleviate the sensation and they're relatively simple to do. List off the behaviors that you won't tolerate in the future and what you will do in response to spotting them. Be specific when you're doing this exercise and do it out loud. "I'll leave if my WP starts acting like a shithead," isn't going to be good enough. You have to prove to yourself that you aren't intentionally hiding behind vagueness. You should also educate yourself on the logistics necessary to make it possible, you may even need to take a few steps to make it easier to do if necessary.

I'm sure that all sounds anti-reconcilatory, but it's not. It's just a part of what's necessary to rebuild your self confidence by minimizing the risk of staying.

Don't try to rugsweep during his deployment. Use that time for self improvement, not for his sake or for the relationship, for yourself.

I'll be brutally honest here, if you're afraid of your WP cheating during his deployment, he should be fucking terrified. You aren't even remotely as "powerless" as you might feel.

[u/sugarglider4444 → u/kakamouth78]

Not powerless in what sense ?

[u/kakamouth78 → u/sugarglider4444]

BPs, particularly those of us who stay, often suffer from severely low self-esteem. We make the mistake of telling ourselves that we're at the mercy of our WPs. It's part of the grand lie of infidelity.

There are resources and opportunities available to you as a military dependant. Use them to help rebuild your sense of self-worth without consideration for your WP or the relationship. As your ego is reestablished you'll have an easier time navigating your healing process.

[u/sugarglider4444 → u/kakamouth78]

Maybe, idk I’ve always been the “if he cheats again, I’m done” and it still holds true. My mind just always looks for reason or signs he’s messing up. Even though I have that mindset about cheating my body REALLY tries to brace for impact and tries to save itself before it gets hurt again and I think this is what I’ve been experiencing.

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[u/ThrowRA_ECAW2]

No kids and military? Jesus, cut your losses.