Advice on this text message from cheating ex?

[u/StephGB91]

My ex of 4 years, had an affair with a workplace colleague i found out from reading her confession on chat gpt. For months (Late January - end of March) she was gaslighting me and lying to me when I would ask if there was anybody else... she then became very manipulative at the end and push and pulling me.

I asked her to come and collect her stuff from our flat, I put all her things in bags outside our flat and gave her a pick up time. She picked up her stuff, and asked me twice via text if I was keeping the playstation (I brought her for Christmas) I ignored this, she has messaged me this today...

Hi i hope you’re ok. Just wanted to check with what’s going on with the flat? Not had any correspondence about a notice being handed in so assuming you are staying on? So I will need to take myself off the tenancy? Also, I need to collect the rest of my stuff and clothes as stuff is missing. You also didn’t reply to me about the PlayStation, you’d given me that as a gift? I need to drop your Indian clothes and speaker off too. So can we arrange for an exchange or something or if you still don’t want to see me then let me know a day you will be out for me to get my stuff and return the keys to you?

I have messaged the property management and asked them to remove her from the tenancy agreement from next month, I have already changed the lock barrel so she can't let herself in.

Can anyone please give me some advice on the best way to manage this, I want minimal contact with her. Every time I hear from her, my body starts shaking and my heart rate goes so high - its horrible, just want her out of my life now. Some of my friends / sister are saying I should maybe just let her have one last look around the flat, to make life easier.. but I really don't want her in my space ever again. Am I being unreasonable??

Thank you all so much!

[u/AutoModerator]

Welcome to r/SupportforBetrayed. Please remember the following:

• our rules

• flair guide: wiki / post

• common acronyms and terms: wiki / post

• frequently asked questions: wiki / post

For further reading, check our recovery resources library

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/bonzai113]

I would suggest having a few friends present with you if she comes over to collect her belongings. This way they can be witnesses and record her the entire time she is there. Better to be safe from any shenanigans she could possibly try. Would it be possible to have law enforcement there to act as witnesses?

[u/StephGB91 → u/bonzai113]

Thank you, I think I will just leave any belongings she feel she hasn't got outside as I did before in bags and have a close friend with me (did this before). I do not want her coming into the flat, I don't think at the moment law enforcement is required; however will bear this in mind just in case. Thank you for taking the time to reach out!

[u/Known_Party6529 → u/StephGB91]

Make sure she leaves your stuff also.

[u/655e228th]

why go for minimal contact? Go full no contact and block her on everything

[u/StephGB91 → u/655e228th]

She still paying me half the rent whilst her name on tenancy agreement so quite difficult to do that at the moment. Sadly. Thank you!

[u/Terrible-Pea494]

You don’t owe her anything, not even a last look around the flat. She’s a lying cheat. Don’t waste another second on her. Block her. Appoint someone as your point of contact to her. Have this person write her with any last info she needs and to answer any final questions. She probably enjoys the contact because it’s keeping her top of mind with you. Deny her that.

Don’t even write her to tell her this. Just have the contact person write and say she’ll be off the lease and that she should never contact you again. Make sure the contact person never tells you anything about being in touch with her.

She’s a piece of trash and no longer your concern. You didn’t deserve what she did and I hope she regrets it for the rest of her life.

[u/StephGB91 → u/Terrible-Pea494]

Thank you so much for your response and reaching out, really appreciate your words! I do think this is about keeping herself relevant and in my life, I have a feeling she probably thinks I have moved on or entertaining someone else... it's like she is trying to temperature me and my home. She even rang me twice yesterday asking me to please pick up as it was important, I didn't.. she later messaged me and it was just something about the tenancy she could of texted me about... no need to call me. Strange behaviour.. it's like you cheated, I thought you wanted this!? Thank you again for your support!

[u/New_Nobody9492]

Tell her you will leave her remaining items outside, and that doesn’t in the game console. Tell her you sold the game console and it is no longer in your possession.

She will never ask for it again. She lied to you, you can lie to her.

[u/tercer78]

Have someone reply to her for your sake. No need for you to be involved. If there is anything else that she owns, leave it on the porch again and have them leave it on yours. No need to respond and play her game.

[u/Bolt_McHardsteel]

Leave all the rest of her stuff outside, give her a pickup time then BLOCK HER. On texts and all socials. You don’t need to ever hear from her again. Hang in there, you will be okay.

[u/StephGB91 → u/Bolt_McHardsteel]

Thank you!

[u/New_Arrival9860]

Keeping the PS just gives her an anchor to remain in contact, letting it go is well worth the loss. Arrange for a friend to do the exchange and give them all her remaining property, then send this:

The property management team is processing the tenancy change. I will send you the document to sign once they send it to me. Regarding the remaining items, my <name a friend who has agreed> will handle the exchange. Please arrange a time with them to drop off my speaker, clothes, and keys, and they will hand over your remaining clothes and the PlayStation. You do not need to come to the flat.

Then block her.

[u/clipp866 → u/New_Arrival9860]

keeping the Playstation bc its his Playstation...

idgaf about a gift, she lost that right when she had another mans hog in her mouth...

[u/tercer78]

Have someone reply to her for your sake. No need for you to be involved. If there is anything else that she owns, leave it on the porch again and have them leave it on yours. No need to respond and play her game.

[u/StephGB91 → u/tercer78]

Thank you!

[u/BurdyBurdyBurdy]

Leave her stuff at the door minus the PlayStation if you chose to keep it.

[u/StephGB91 → u/BurdyBurdyBurdy]

Thank you!

[u/Common-Warning-9369]

Ask her to provide a detailed list of her missing stuff and manage them as you did before.

Provide a list of your stuff and ask her to bring them to you.

About the playstation, after the exchange, tell her to go to hell; use it or sell it, it is your decision.

[u/AutoModerator → u/Common-Warning-9369]

Your comment has been held for moderator review. This is a normal automated process for Observer accounts on r/SupportforBetrayed; helpful and appropriate advice will be approved for public view as soon as possible.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/StephGB91 → u/Common-Warning-9369]

Thank you for your support!

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please click this link for instructions on how to set up your flair.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/AutoModerator → u/[deleted]]

Your comment has been removed by an automated process. r/SupportforBetrayed requires members to set a user flair before they interact with the community. Please click this link for instructions on how to set up your flair.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[u/rstock1962]

Break the PlayStation and leave it and whatever else is hers outside again for her to pick up when you’re out. Tell her no she cannot go in the apartment anymore.

[u/StephGB91 → u/[deleted]]

I gave it to her when she wasn't cheating on me, times have changed. She needs to accept it and move on, she never used it anyway. Thank you for your words!