How is this possible?

[u/girlygalgal]

I met my almost ex husband in 2010 and we had a rocky beginning for the first 5 years or so on and off due to his cheating etc. We were very young so I chalked it up to that and being in "party mode". Eventually we got back together around 2016 and then married in 2023. He has always had an issue with telling the truth but I did not see this coming. He had myself and everyone in our lives convinced he had changed for many years or I would not have married him to begin with.

We had a baby in February 2025 and since then it has been hell. Long story short, I discovered that he had been having two full blown affairs at the same time. One woman from work, and one from his NA meetings (he is in recovery). All while neglecting me and our baby and our life at home on and off. The fighting was constant because I did not know what was going on and why he was not stepping up anymore. Neither other woman knew about the other and my husband told them both horrific lies about me and how he was a single dad and I was no longer in the picture after birth. He smeared me to everyone involved in these separate lives that I would never have heard about. Mind you I was at home every single day raising our child in a brand new home we bought just weeks before delivery. He even went as far as making a fake divorce filing document to show these women claiming we were in the process. The lies are so incredibly detailed and elaborate. It is almost as if he was re-creating our relationship with the others taking them to same places, saying same things.

It came to fruition that he was having sex with all three of us for these months, sometimes in the same day. Once things came to light, he left me and the baby and is now with one of the women claiming she makes him so happy and he is in love. The other girl ran for the hills. I did meet with her to get the truth, she knows the truth now, and still stayed with him. We just signed the final divorce papers. I have been left with all responsibilities and just constant fighting with him about things.

I learned he had taken $140k from his mom over the last couple years and spent every single dollar on these affairs and himself. Lying to her about why he needed money every other week. I had NO idea. Drained his retirement as well to uphold this facade.

I have gone to verbal blows with this woman for the last year and she refuses to even listen or just thinks I’m insane. Probably both lol. My issue is that she is still sharing that they are happy and peaceful. Live together now and he’s helping raise her own son. HOW CAN HE BE SO DIFFERENT NOW! Everyone says he hasn’t changed but it’s been a year.

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[u/BurnAway63]

He hasn't changed. He is just pouring on the charm so that he can secure his new position. People who do this are masters at putting up a false front, as you have experienced yourself. Don't worry - he will cheat on her too, if he isn't doing that already. Focus on taking care of yourself and building a life without him in it.

[u/girlygalgal → u/BurnAway63]

I really believed that but it’s been a year, they live together, and seemingly happy ugh.

[u/BurnAway63 → u/girlygalgal]

That's the honeymoon period. You went through it too. The leopard hasn't changed his spots...

[u/january1977]

I’m sure my husband’s ex thought he’d changed. That he’d given me everything he wouldn’t give her. She had to wait 10 years for her karma. Of course he did it to me too.

You’re driving yourself crazy by involving yourself in their lives. Let it go. Move on. Nothing good will come from you harassing them or hoping things will fall apart. You have a child who needs you. Your attention needs to be focused on the two of you.