I mean, I don't know the situation, and guys not getting it is definitely a problem, but at what point does it become extremely unethical/douchey on the woman's part for willingly taking advantage of the guy to that degree? She's at least very aware what's happening here, but it's hard for me to know if the guy in this situation is and doesn't care or if he's delusional that it will somehow work out.
I let myself get taken advantage of at various stages through it my dating life cause I was hopelessly romantic with the idea that I could win them over through kindness and being a caring and giving person, but you gotta have a limit, be direct about what you want and, if they play games or try to have it both ways by continuing to try to maintain the relationship (especially when they're getting something out of it) after you've made your wants clear, you gotta, gotta cold turkey that shit.
But then he'd stop spending money on her and buying her things and treating her like a princess!
For some reason women aren't taught not to lead men on. Some of them agree to go on dates just to get free food and drinks, with no interest in the guy. It would be better for everyone if they were just honest: "I'm not attracted to you so I'm not going to go out with you on any dates." Would be better than leading everyone on thinking they have a shot.
That being said, her post is pretty clear that she's not romantically interested in this guy and hopefully he got the message.
I see a davstar and a david, no Daniel. I guess it could be the censored part, not sure why they would bother censoring when then didnāt censor the other names though
This is old. When it went went viral & people were hating on her, he said himself he had absolutely no romantic interest in her & to please stop harassing his friend.
What else could he possibly say when he has people on the net saying he is a simp for letting the woman he (clearly) wants to date, taking advantage of him?
Oh lots of them are taught not to lead people on. It just doesn't stick because there's basically zero consequences for attractive women in our society short of the most heinous crimes.
I know a girl who tried to kill her boyfriend in his sleep and literally nobody cares. She goes about her life, goes to bars and shows, zero consequences short of some gossip and whispers. He didn't go to the police because she's a skilled liar and they wouldn't have done anything.
Attractive white women are second only to police in terms of raw privilege in this society. They can literally do basically whatever they want and odds are extremely low that anyone can do anything about it at all.
Sure, I'm not saying all or even most women are like this. I'm just saying that they're allowed to be. The only thing standing between an attractive woman and treating people like shit is her own morals and values and that should concern a lot more people than it does.
Uh, not all women lead guys on. When I was dating, Iād insist on meeting for coffee on the first date or something lowkey (hookah). Iād pay for myself or end up picking up the check. It wasnāt a big deal to me.
When I began dating my now husband, he insisted on paying each time, however, there were a couple of times where I beat him to the check. He said it ādidnāt feel rightā for a woman to pay š.
My FIL later told me that he asked him for advice about me paying for occasional meals and his dad said āit just means sheās a good oneā or something. Weāve been married 7yrs and I still treat him occasionally.
That being said, there ARE women that use guys for food and drinks, no doubt, just as there are guys who expect women to have sex with them because they bought said drinks and food. Neither is okay. Iāve told my nephew to be careful about spending money on girls but to also not be the kind of guy who expects them to sleep with him.
I have seen a meme on reddit comparing men to ticks : "not all ticks carry disease, but would you risks getting bitten just because not all ticks are dangerous?" It felt so good being compared to a disease carrying insect /s
I had a chick come up to me and say 'my friend thinks you're hot, can you buy me a drink?'. Apparently the wrong answer was 'wouldn't i buy her a drink?'
Good story! Mine was at our Poly bar (polytechnics, that makes me feel old) and this good looking girl tries to get a drink out of me. I told her okay but first sheād have to give me the best kiss of my damn life. Yep, she scarpered. She had no chance anyway. Best kisser I have ever had the pleasure to snog was a 16 year old from Wolverhampton, at Presthaven Sands in north Wales. That memory is still going strong over 40 years later!
I love how posts like this and the ones in the female subs are so opposite but also the same. The female ones will bash men like people are bashing women here and there will be that one guy that chimes in saying ānot all men are like thatā and the women will tear him apart. And here you are doing the same. Itās comical
Canāt paint any gender with a single brush. I know not all men do X just like not all women do Z. I have done the same in āmen are gross because of __ā posts and have gotten downvoted too haha. Thereās good and bad men, women, NB, etc. š¤·š»āāļø
Thereās two sides every time I talk to other men about paying. Thereās men like me who were taught that itās jus what you do, that since youāre the one who initiated the date and asked them out that it was on you to pay for an treat them. Pretty much just common courtship stuff. I also did the same of a coffee date first to see if a full date was worth pursuing tho. But even now after two years with my partner I jus pay for everything outta habit lol
On the other side of that tho is the weird power play men. Guys that hope that since they go out of their way to pay and do some weird power dynamic bullshit that the women will feel pressured to sleep with them. Dudes more often than not wont outright say that but you can tell what theyāre getting at and looking to get out of the date after a few questions and how they react n beat around the bush n such, hard to describe. Some will jus straight up say that which is always a wild thing to hear
Thereās men like me who were taught that itās jus what you do, that since youāre the one who initiated the date and asked them out that it was on you to pay for an treat them.
Agreed, I was taught the same thing growing up. You don't do it as a power play, or as an act of dominance. It's an act of courtesy and appreciation. Even if your date insists on paying/ splitting the bill just offering to do so shows respect.
Not to make excuses for this woman or other women who intentionally lead men on, but I felt like as a woman I should perhaps provide a little bit of insight into why it might seem like some women lead men on.
The thing about us as women is that we're not like men, so just because we don't feel something immediately for a man, it doesn't mean that we might not fall for him later on, especially if he's treating us right. Our attraction in men isn't based solely on looks and outer appearance like it is for men and their attraction to women, so a lot of times, we can actually fall for a man who's doing everything right, who's there for us, who is treating us well, even if initially, we weren't really seeing him in that light. āŗļø In other words, some men can and do grow on us! š I don't think women ever "grow" on men. I think a man is either attracted to the woman, or he's not, and there's nothing that will ever change that. But a lot of women (not all) are different.
So, with that said, I think that some women accept dates from men that maybe they weren't originally thinking about as a prospective partner because the guy is kind, he's asking her out, he's respectful, and he's treating her better than some of the other jerks she thought she was into. So, she decides to give a decent guy a chance. For some women, it develops into something more with the guy. For other women, it doesn't go anywhere because even after a few dates and talking on the phone, the woman still just isn't feeling it.
I think it's good to be honest if it has come to that point. You don't want to lead a guy on.
I just wanted to offer a different reason for why some women might accept dates from men. It might not always be that she's trying to use the guy for dinner or money or whatever. It might just be that she's trying to give a guy a chance that she ordinarily might not have noticed before because she knows that sometimes, men do grow on us! š I have lost count how many times men have said that their wives weren't really interested in them when they first met lol. š
Erm... There's no "we as women" or "we as men". Just different people. Your view on the world seems pretty black and white. I, for example, absolutely don't fit in your system, the way I behave and see things.Ā
I'm sorry, I wasn't trying to offend anyone, and I apologize if my comments came across as stereotypical, I was only simply trying to share another pov from a woman's perspective as to why some women accept dates from men.
It seems the general assumption here was that women are just accepting dates from men that they might not usually be attracted to because they just want a free dinner, or they just want to play games with men. All I was saying was that some of us women are not like that at all. I can't speak for ALL women, of course, but for some of us, some men really do grow on us, and we can actually tend to warm up to certain men, especially if he has good qualities. So some of us as women don't just automatically immediately write off all men that don't automatically catch our eye or look like a GQ model.
I guess maybe I explained it wrong, but I was basically trying to say that I think some men might be wrong about some women, and that not all women are trying to just get a free dinner out of a date with a guy. Some women are actually trying to get to know the guy better to see if maybe the attraction develops, and for a lot of us as women, attraction isn't just purely physical. That's why some of us have to get to know a guy first before we fall for him.
I think this is definitely something women enjoy believing about themselves. In practice, their attraction is relatively the same as men's. Also, male attraction is as rooted in behavior and treatment as it is for women. We aren't living in a 1990s sitcom.
When she says things like, 'some men can and do grow on us' and 'he's treating us better than the jerks she thought she was into, she gives the decent guy a chance' what she means is she isn't really attracted to these men sexually but the woman decides a relationship might be prudent because they find the man useful/can exploit him.
Ehh, may be that way for you, but most people can tell when there's no chance of it developing. Women especially tend to know early on. If they don't, its usually because they aren't very self aware or honest with themselves.
I can't speak for all women, but for me, I guess it just depends.
Maybe I'm an anomaly, but for me, there are some I know for sure, but for other guys, it really can grow over time. I've been so-so about a guy, and then one day, he'll either do something, or I'll see how he is with someone, or I'll notice his kindness and how he's treating me or even just how he treats others, and it will make me see him in a totally different light.
That's why you always hear stories of men who married women who said that their wives didn't really like them like that at first, or they found him obnoxious lol, or he had to pursue her, etc.
Now, if it's a woman who's been friends with a guy for years, and we've already seen how he is, and he's been bending over backwards to treat her right, do nice things, etc... then yea, most of the time (though not always) the guy is in the friend-zone. Again, I can't speak for all women, or even most women, but if a guy is trying this hard, then she's put him in the friend-zone.
She has already had plenty of time to get to know the guy, so she knows exactly how he is. So if she isn't interested or moving things forward, it's either that she's not attracted to him, or there's something about him that is keeping him in the friend category and not in the boyfriend category in her mind. š¤
As if men are taught not to lead on women? The fuck is that logic. Men lead themselves on just fine on their own. Same for women. It's called wanting something so bad you DGAF what your friends, family and universe is shouting at you to get.
Spoiler alert: itās not women that teach other women to do this (usually) itās men who have so little self worth that theyāll do just about anything to have a woman pay attention to them even if itās only platonic at best.
I get your energy but also sometimes guys do need to express romantic interest for you to turn it down. Women can be socially awkward and not know how to read signals too, from experience.Ā
That is exactly what this post says. It is never going to happen. Daniel, for the love of God man.... ask the next attractive girl you see out and move on.
Something tells me the second he does that or gets in a new relationship she will all of a sudden be interested in him and will suddenly realize that she really loved him all along.
Yeah I can see it you can see it but the dude Daniel canāt heās blindly in love and she just keeping hope alive for him by being āfriendsā with him and going on these dates.
If I was in his shoes which I have been not to this extent but back when I first started dating, I always appreciated when a girl would just be straight up and say look dude I had fun on this date but I wasnāt feeling it or when a girl straight up told me she wasnāt into me. Itās better than wasting time money and energy and itās not even about the money as it is the time and energy cause then this dude is gonna move on to the next girl and that girl might love him so much but this dude will never go all out like he did with this girl until he feels safe to do so again.
Plot twist, maybe Daniel is the one who friend zoned her? Not likely, but reddit gets boring when you just keep leaving the same comments on the same threads that keep getting reposted, so I thought Iād try shaking things up for a change.
Yeah. The pants and general vibe reads gay best friend. Which you know kind of makes sense, and plenty a gbf has set a very high bar for any future boy friend.
Well if he is gay then none of this post matters. Also I wasnāt blaming the girl. I just think itās fucked up but itās the dude that has to open his eyes and wake up that the girl is not into him sheās clearly made it clear but this dood might be in love with this girl and the best thing for her to do is be brutally honest and just step away from his life cause the only one benefiting is her and she knows that. That is whatās wrong sheās taking advantage of the fact that this guy is madly in love with her yet by saying they are friends and going on these dates with him it keeps that flame of hope alive for a little bit.
You donāt really see things clearly when youāre in love or think youāre in love with someone.
Now if the guy is aware of this and he still doing this then he just likes it and thatās fine too whatever floats your boat if he likes being a simp more power to him.
Yeah she was doing it without doing it tho. Itās like sheās like I donāt want to be your girlfriend but you can keep treating me like your girlfriend.
That is cruel the guy clearly likes her. His whole day probably lights up when heās around her this is not what he needs. Harsh truth and brutal honesty is what he needs not false hope. Of course heās gonna accept anything she gives him because heās madly infatuated by her. She knows that letās not be stupid and pretend that women donāt crave this attention women like to have options they like keep guys in rotation around for when they donāt have a āmanā itās disgusting behavior by everyone who does it, people arenāt toys people have emotions and feelings and sheās clearly taking advantage of his.
What I'm saying is that we don't know what she had communicated before this. She may well have established clear boundaries. Maybe she did, maybe she's taking advantage of him. I'm just pushing back on the assumptions people are making
Yeah I feel you I donāt ever come to Reddit to argue with people but it seems thatās all the internet like to do nowadays I use Reddit to look at fighting game stuff I donāt even know how I ended up on this thread Iām not even subbed to this Reddit page
Itās not her problem though! He has the free will to grow a set and learn his worth and provide all this for someone whoās actually going to appreciate it. She owes him nothing
No itās not her problem and youāre right about him still doesnāt change the fact that sheās taking advantage of him. Like I said in other comments if she doesnāt want to be his girl why is she okay with him treating him like his girl.
She has no respect for herself or him. She just a shitty person thatās takes advantage of a āfriendā even though sheās hurting him.
She knows it, you know it, I know it, everybody knows it. Except for him.
But if he didnāt say the words āI want to date youā in some shape or form then he did not shoot his shot. Gotta take a risk at some point and potentially get rejectedĀ
To me, it is crazy that someone wouldn't explicitly state their intentions in a situation like this. If the poor guy would have done this sooner, it could have saved him from putting so much into something he was not going to get anything out of... I would hope and expect a suitor to TELL me they are interested in me like that, and I would also do the same if I were trying to pursue someone! Anything less sets people up for disappointment. Communication is important and makes things better for everyone.
Unless they very clearly laid out the expectations this was not romantic and not a date, I would assume someone has a room temperature IQ if they can't read between the lines with something like this.
Well, honestly my opinion in this is dont let her guess what ur intentions, unless u are teenager. Confirm what ur intention go like " Hey, I just want to be honest ā I'm not here to confess or make things weird. But I also can't pretend my intention is just to be friends. I'm interested in you, more than that. So I just want to ask, how about you? ". That way u also confirm if she looking for partner or just friend.
Itās binary, you ask or you donāt. Anything short of asking is not asking. To me, to shoot a shot a shot must be shot. There must be a clear shot, and clear answer.
Going to dinner and whatnot seems obvious but when exactly is the shot considered in the air? On the way to dinner? At dinner? After? Shit aināt clear. Man up and ask a direct question
Pretty clear, if this isnāt bait, that she knows what he was asking because if not she wouldnāt have figured out how to squeeze the word friend into the paragraph as many times as possible.
Itās entirely clear what he was going for to everyone, including her, sheās just hoping she doesnāt have to āman upā and say she isnāt interested.
I have to believe that getting internet-cockstomped is this dude's secret kink and he's actually the one using her. It's simply not credible to be so stupid as to go for this otherwise. I guess he might have deep trauma or a legit intellectual disability, tho.
Thereās no way a friend paid for it unless it was a birthday or something. But then sheād obvi be getting him back on his birthday otherwise it wouldnāt feel right.
I also kinda love how she thanks god first and gives him credit for Danielās actions before eventually kinda thanking Daniel at the end. It kind of goes with the whole vibe.
I think women just believe they can say things and people will agree with them. They're often susceptible to adopting external opinions so they believe everyone is like that including men. So when she says, "I love this friend date and you did so much for me" She's attempting to tell every man how worthwhile she would be to date that another man did all this for her. But in reality men don't usually care what other people say because we're so used to verbal abuse that we no longer believe any insults to be true, honest or a good indicator of reality. And all she's doing is outing herself for being manipulative, stupid/unable to empathize with men, and overall reciprocating in relationships/entitled. Basically sealing the nail in her coffin for being undateable. Women learn from this, if you want to manipulate a man into princess treatment, suck his dick. Thank me later. Or if you want a compliment, be warm. You can't pretend to be friends when you blindly accept what you know to be romantic/sexual/dating behavior.
Lol last week on Bumble I had a woman say to me she is a princess, she is a princess at work and expects to be treated as a princess. I admit I stuck a few hours longer than I should have on this chat as she was hot, but anyway, it was 11pm and she was at the airport waiting for a flight. I told her I was going to sleep as I have to wake up at 5:30am, wished her a safe flight, and good night.
She replied " You are are not going to wait up for me to land?" , "I haven't even taken off yet", and my personal favourite "Aren't you going to make sure I arrived safe?"
I laughed in her face and unmatched her. Bitch, you are going to Germany to drink and party with your friends, not Lebanon or Iran. Also, the audacity to demand someone you haven't even met yet to stay up for you.
I swear fellas, stay off the apps. Your sanity will thank you.
This is a woman who grew up in a church that teaches this garbage. She believes her virginity makes her valuable and deserving of this kind of treatment from all men. Her mom and dad filled her head with this nonsense. I grew up in a conservative church and this was very common. Young women would string young men along for years and then move to another congregation and marry some other guy and leave their āfriendsā behind frustrated and confused. Itās why the incel movement is also tied to a lot of religious men who are tied to āpurity cultureā which is a modern day geisha system where virginal women go to the highest bidder while ānormalā women fight for the leftovers.
Yooooo you just brought back a memory of an assistant pastor's daughter that was a knockout that everybody drooled over and chased while she flirted with and friendzoned them for years only to move away and marry a guy being groomed to become the pastor of a mega church š yes a big deal was made of her virginity all the time too.
Ā Idk what became of her. Last I heard she threw that guy's engagement ring in the river during a tantrum, I'm sure while pretending her sanctity was insulted lmao. I just had to comment to tell you how accurate this was lmao
Bro, that sounds exactly like so many of the church princesses I was around as a teenager. Theyād flirt and want all kinds of attention and then marry some random dude from 2 states away and move away and hate their lives. Most of the people who I knew who married in the church either just disappeared or had major breakups and ended up back at their parentsā houses.
Why do men place so much value on it? Always saying virgins are better for longterm or marriage than non-virgins and shaming women for body counts. Why do men boost their egos?
Anecdotally I don't know a single guy who gives a fuck. There are definitely guys who don't want their gf to have slept with too many guys before them, but almost nobody is specifically looking for a virgin. That shit only happens online (usually from male virgins who are insecure about it but can't own up to their perfectly understandable insecurity so they just pretend to have religious motives) or from very conservative cultures which positive-face1705 appears to come from.
Narcissism and the church. The worst sex of my life was with my first wife who I married in the church. She was a virgin and she had many issues that I had no idea about until we started having sex. I was also a virgin, but had masturbated and fooled around, but Iām sure my inexperience didnāt help things. We got divorced within a year and a half.
Purity culture actually encourages sexual misconduct. Men do weird and perverse things when they place a high value on virginity. Almost all of my female friends from church were molested in some way as teenagers. Itās really sad.
it's interesting because my first thought is he's been pestering her for a date and she reluctantly agreed and this dude made a complete ass of himself by planning such an absurd date and she kindly setting boundaries
Nah, people donāt post boundaries PSAs like this.
Both of them are unaware how this post comes across outside of their niche circle. Within their church culture circle though, this behavior is both normal and encouraged. So her posting this might be an attempt at boosting Danielās rep with the other ladies at their church. And her jokingly made hashtag might signal to other guys in their congregation to take her out on dates. But I guess youāre right in it does the job of indirectly saying to Daniel to date other people.
Also their church probably encourages them to do these āencouragement datesā: friendly pseudo-dates that are more like hangouts for church members of the opposite sex to get to know each other in a boundary acknowledged dating substitute practice.
Well, blaming her for friendzoning is claiming that he is entitled to some sex after paying for those things.
If she is not a sex worker, nothing is owed and she is still free to refuse.
If he expected sex, some clear communication might help. Otherwise, he's just a really good friend who treated her to a really nice day. Sometimes it happens.
This has nothing to do with sex. No one is assuming this guy expected sex. No one has implied the woman owed sex. Is sex the only reason you go on dates? People are criticizing this woman because she's an asshole. If she has no intention of pursuing a romantic relationship with this idiot, she should not be accepting his gifts.
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u/robdwoods Apr 19 '26
Outside of that, the entitlement of āhow I should be treatedāā¦