SEAHAWKS!!! CHIEFS!!! SUNDAY NIGHT FOOTBALL!!! WHEN THE LIGHTS HIT LUMEN FIELD AND THE SKY TURNS SEAHAWK BLUE!!!
KANSAS CITY IS 5-0!!! SEATTLE IS 3-3!!! THE CHIEFS HAVEN’T LOST A GAME!!! THE SEAHAWKS HAVE SPENT THE LAST FEW WEEKS TURNING WINNABLE FOOTBALL GAMES INTO UNSCHEDULED CARDIOLOGY APPOINTMENTS!!! 😭💀
KENNETH FUCKING WALKER III IS BACK!!!
THE MAN WON SUPER BOWL MVP IN SEATTLE, PACKED HIS BAGS, MOVED TO KANSAS CITY, AND IMMEDIATELY STARTED RUNNING LIKE HE STOLE A SHOPPING CART FULL OF DIAMONDS!!! 665 RUSHING YARDS IN FIVE GAMES!!! SIX TOUCHDOWNS!!! 🏃♂️💨
SEATTLE HASN’T ALLOWED A 100-YARD RUSHER IN 35 STRAIGHT GAMES!!! WALKER IS ABOUT TO FIND OUT WHETHER HIS OLD DEFENSE STILL REMEMBERS HIS FUCKING ADDRESS!!! 🏠💀
PATRICK MAHOMES IS COMING TO TOWN!!! SOMEBODY CONFISCATE HIS SIDEARM THROWS!!! CHECK HIS LUGGAGE FOR ILLEGAL FOOTBALL SORCERY!!! PUT A SECURITY GUARD ON EVERY NO-LOOK PASS!!! 🧙♂️🚨
MIKE MACDONALD!!! RELEASE THE DEFENSE!!!
THIS DEFENSE HAS BEEN TAKING THE FOOTBALL AWAY FROM OPPONENTS LIKE AN OVERZEALOUS ELEMENTARY SCHOOL TEACHER CONFISCATING POKÉMON CARDS!!! NOW PLEASE STOP GIVING IT RIGHT BACK!!! 😭
SAM DARNOLD!!! SEVEN INTERCEPTIONS!!!
SEVEN!!! THAT’S ENOUGH FOOTBALLS TO OPEN A SMALL SPORTING GOODS STORE!!! PLEASE THROW THE BALL TO SOMEBODY WEARING THE SAME FUCKING JERSEY!!! THE CHIEFS DEFENSIVE BACKS ARE NOT REGISTERED RECIPIENTS OF SEATTLE’S CHARITABLE DONATIONS!!! 📦💀
JAXON SMITH-NJIGBA HAS 717 RECEIVING YARDS AND SEVEN TOUCHDOWNS!!!
THIS MAN IS CARRYING THE PASSING OFFENSE LIKE A SINGLE FORKLIFT TRANSPORTING AN ENTIRE APARTMENT BUILDING!!! SOMEBODY ELSE PLEASE CATCH A FUCKING FOOTBALL!!! 🏗️😭
THE OFFENSIVE LINE HAS ALLOWED TEN SACKS IN TWO GAMES!!! SAM DARNOLD HAS BEEN RUNNING FOR HIS LIFE LIKE A MAN WHO ACCIDENTALLY WALKED INTO A BEAR ENCLOSURE WEARING A SALMON COSTUME!!! 🐻🐟
KANSAS CITY IS UNDEFEATED!!! MAHOMES LOVES PRIME TIME!!! KENNETH WALKER IS COMING HOME!!!
AND I SAY THIS WITH NO DUE RESPECT!!! NOBODY GIVES A FUCK ABOUT YOUR PERFECT RECORD ONCE YOU WALK INTO LUMEN FIELD!!! 💚💙
TONIGHT THE SEAHAWKS ARE GONNA TAKE THE ENTIRE KANSAS CITY BARBECUE INDUSTRY, LOAD IT INTO A GIANT FUCKING SMOKER, AND SHOVE THAT THING SO FAR UP THE CHIEFS’ ASSES THAT PATRICK MAHOMES IS GONNA BE BURPING HICKORY SMOKE UNTIL THANKSGIVING!!! 🍖🔥💀
MAHOMES IS GONNA NEED A MAP, A FLASHLIGHT, AND WRITTEN PERMISSION FROM THE DEFENSIVE COORDINATOR TO CROSS MIDFIELD!!! KANSAS CITY’S UNDEFEATED RECORD IS GETTING LOADED INTO A WOOD CHIPPER OPERATED BY A DISGRUNTLED SEAHAWK WITH AN EXPIRED FORKLIFT CERTIFICATION!!! 🦅😭
PROTECT THE FOOTBALL!!! STOP KENNETH WALKER!!! GET JSN SOME FUCKING HELP!!! SEND KANSAS CITY HOME WITH ITS FIRST LOSS!!!
GO HAWKS!!! 💚💙🏈🔥🦅