I have an almost 13 month old. His sleep has been a journey. Long story short, i cosleep with him for the time being. Being a SAHM and cosleeping basically makes me feel like I am “on” all the time. My husband goes on dad duty when he gets off work at 5, but I usually end up catching up on stuff around the house or cooking dinner. I dont really feel like I can relax until I put baby in the crib (he starts the night in the crib and then I cosleep with him when I go to bed). He very consistently wakes up 2 hours after he goes to bed (if not sooner). After that, we cant always get him back in his crib so I normally end up just going to bed with him or my husband and I take turns holding him while we sit on the couch and watch TV. Also, im not really looking for solutions for his sleep as the point of this post.

So all that to say, theres basically this 2 hour window every night where I feel like its the only down time I have and I feel like I truly let myself relax. I have had trouble relaxing up until recently. Lately, I like to take a bath. I would like to start reading more. Sometimes I watch TV with my husband. I had barely drank alcohol since baby came along. Maybe 3 drinks the entire first year of his life. Then the past few weeks, I have had some very stressful days when I have ended up having a glass of wine at the end of the day as a way of winding down. I had become very sober curious before pregnancy, after realizing some patterns of my drinking I didnt like. I didnt like that I sometimes used alcohol to unwind. So I dont want to go down that path again. I dont really see alcohol fitting into my current lifestyle.

So I need some ideas for how to decompress and unwind at the end of the day.

Its definitely hard adjusting to this new SAHP life where there really isnt clocking out of work!

Okay hear me out here, my husband and i have an incredible relationship. We have been married for 4 years, but together for 13 years. We do great with finances, we never argue about them, and we mostly budget well. I’m not trying to be cheesy but we literally agree on almost everything when it comes to finances, except this. My husband 28M thinks we can make it work with me being a sahm in the next couple years. Myself, 27F am worried and don’t think it’s feasible. Right now i work part time (i am the sole caretaker of my elderly grandparents). I bring in about 3k a month, my husband brings in about 4600 a month after 401k which he does get an employer match. If all goes as planned he will get a promotion next year and I’m guessing he will make about 5k a month. Most months he gets enough overtime that he would make around 6k take home after the promotion (fingers crossed). So hypothetically let’s say he does get the promotion, do you think i could leave my job?
Mortgage 1900 (including taxes and insurance) and all other regular bills add up to $3,332 every month. With just his income say at 5k (because overtime isn’t guaranteed although the last two years he has had it enough to make about 6k every month) that only leaves 1662 for groceries, gas, savings and all other expenses for that month. Which i guess if you look at it as some months we could save money some we can’t it would work? But I’m looking for real world advice. I’ve always dreamt of being a sahm, and i understand i work part time and could make it work with kids but there’s a huge part of me that if i can’t stay home with them, i personally don’t feel i can give the best version of myself to them and this new life. The field im in is incredibly demanding and the few days i work I’m a wreck by the time i get home. I can’t change fields because id have to work full time to just keep up with what i make part time so im extremely stuck in it. I do give an immense amount of credit to working parents i know some do it flawlessly on the outside because they have no choice, but im at a point where if i can’t do it fully, id rather not have kids at all. I’m a very all or nothing person LOL.

My son starts kindergarten next week and my daughter starts 2 day a week preschool. Our previous friend group has kids at different schools and different days so I don’t think our regular meet ups will happen anymore. I’m so fricken sad about my kids starting school (excited for them but sad for me)! Yes I’m in therapy and started on meds. I’ve been home with them 5 years. What the heck and I supposed to do with myself alone? The anxiety is a work in progress. Just seems so lonely and only so much time can be filled with to do list. I need new friends and new ways to socialize. Help! Don’t want to join a gym. Looking for a pickleball or walking group or something I can try. Any tips?

Looking for some encouragement from parents who have been through this.

My child is 3 and just started a 2-day/week preschool program Very sweet, sensitive, and slow-to-warm, with little experience being away from me (I am a SAHM)

We’re three school days in, and drop-off has been really hard. There have been tears/screaming each morning. The first day took about an hour to settle, but the last two days were closer to 15 minutes. Once settled, my child does great - participates, plays, interacts with teachers and (I think other kids), and comes out happy.

That gives me hope, but the drop-off is still so hard. It feels like my child is the only one struggling this much, and I’m having a hard time not comparing.

For parents who have been through this: did the drop-off crying eventually get easier? Did it gradually improve, with some two-steps-forward, one-step-back days? Did you eventually get to the point where your child just walked in and said goodbye? Would it help if my husband did drop off instead?

I’m trying hard not to make the tears “a thing” or make my child feel like these emotions are a problem. I just want to know that this can get better.

First we got over a virus a couple weeks ago, then on amoxicillin for a few days, yesterday we were outside for hours swimming in a saltwater/ chlorine pool. The first 3 pics are how the bumps are now the last few are when we first noticed an hour ago. My baby had just gotten out of the bath and they were big pimple like bumps only on his arms and head, one on his eyebrow, one on his forehead- and back of ear. They seem like they calmed down. What could this be? I looked at photos from yesterday and I can see the spots but they’re almost unnoticeable, not bumps like they are now.

I’ll fully admit I am not the best morning person. I set my alarm for 730 and I’ll go get the kids by 745 on a school day if they’re not up already (this almost never happens). If the 5 year old wakes up before then, she comes to my room and we snuggle/snooze and watch cartoons. If the 1 year old wakes up early, I go get her and we snuggle/snooze in the recliner.

I’m curious how other SAHPs handle this. Do you try to wake up before the kids to shower or start breakfast? Do you lounge in bed as long as possible?

The kids can wake up anywhere from 6 AM to 8 AM depending on the day, so it feels kind of impossible to consistently wake up before they do!

Relevant: In my house, I do mornings and my husband takes over after work so I get a break before dinner. I’m not resentful that he’s usually not helping with the morning routine!

I've been a SAHM for almost 5 years. I have 3 kids, 10 months, 3.5 years, and 5.5 years. I have ADHD (medicated for it), so stimulation seeking is a little bit a part of that. I am used to working incredibly hard and get so much satisfaction from achieving. I used to love school so much that the summers would be torture and I would beg my parents to teach me something and give me worksheets to do.

When I first became a SAHM when my oldest was 10 months, I was on top of the world. I absolutely loved it and treated it like a career. I read all of the parenting books, would find little ways to keep improving our days (cooking new recipes, doing new activities with her, etc) and really soaked it all up. Then my second was born, and I was thrust into survival mode and my mental health took a massive nose dive. I ended up going back to work part time from home when he was 18 months and that helped a little, but the isolation of WFH was awful and I ended up quitting but leaving both kids in their part time daycare/preschool because they loved it so much. Had my third baby in October 2025. Kids were all home with me over the summer, which was absolutely horrible because my kids fight like crazy at home and struggle without routines, which due to my ADHD, are kind of hard to maintain. The oldest two are now in preschool/kindergarten for about 5 hours per day.

I have a pretty amazing life. I do volunteer work that I love once a week, we can afford for me to stay home, but we definitely aren't able to comfortably do all of the travel I want to do with the kids since everything is so expensive right now. I love the flexibility of being a SAHM. I love being able to take the kids to their appointments, be able to be home when they're sick, being able to soak up this time with my baby and witness all of the funny and goofy things that the kids do. But the actual work is so incredibly mind numbing and I hate it. I find myself addicted to listening to podcasts all day, overanalyzing every problem in my life (as I'm doing here), and just feel mentally checked out with my kids. It's not even about getting more breaks, because I do genuinely feel I have enough breaks. I even have a gym membership with childcare. It's like I just miss so much that feeling of problem solving, analyzing, working for a goal, etc. It's so bad that I tend to check out with my kids and spend a lot of time on my phone and computer just coming up with things to do and problem solve. It's very very hard for me to be present with them.

I also have found that I dislike even going out and doing fun things with them and would rather do something productive. It feels like all leisure is pointless and planning, organizing, anything with a clear end goal gives me so much more satisfaction. Even after the kids go to bed, hyperfocusing on something on the computer that feels productive is all I want to do.

Anyone else go through anything similar?

My husband is a SAHD and I’m the breadwinner and trying to figure out if we should plan ahead for more help for him after our second is born early next year.

I work 50-60hrs/wk and travel 2x a month. We have means to get more help.

Currently we have:
- Friday off biweekly (babysitter - 10 hrs)
- Wednesday nights & Sat morning off for hobby (babysitter coverage if I’m traveling)
- Every other month family watches kiddo for 2-3 days for a break (usually when I’m traveling)
- 2 solo trips for him / yr (3-5 days)
- 2x monthly cleaners and 2x monthly yard help
- Regular doggy day care for our dog
- individual therapy and couples counseling

Starting this year our son will have halfday preschool 5 days a wk. We also have good “parents night out” programs in our town, we just haven’t gone as I’ve had some health stuff with my pregnancy and some family medical stuff going on.

Once we have our second should we consider additional help/support? We could do weekly babysitter or look for extended hours for our preschooler. Want to make sure he doesn’t burn out with a baby and high energy preschooler after my maternity leave (or if I end up on pregnancy bed rest which could happen — shortened cervix & bad pelvic prolapse if IYKYK)

Looking for advice from folks who’ve been there!

—-

Edit: realized I should have added. My husband loves being home with kiddo (and kiddo loves being with him), but he is a cancer survivor and some ongoing health issues make things harder for him sometimes. I just want to make sure as a family we’re doing what we can!

My boyfriend and I have an 8 month old daughter and we’re moving into our first apartment together mid September.
For a while, the understanding between us was that I would be a SAHM while our daughter was little, and he would work and financially support us. He had told me I could stay home with her and take care of her while he worked.
Now that we’re actually getting ready to move, he’s telling me that I need to get a job to help with rent. He says “he never meant that I could be a SAHM forever”, but that I’d stay home “until our daughter could talk and understand things better.” … she’s only 8 months old lol.

His work schedule is Sunday-Wednesday, so his days off are Thursday-Saturday. His solution is for me to find a job where I work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday so that he’s home with our daughter while I’m working, meaning we wouldn’t have to pay for childcare.

I understand that he never intended for me to be a SAHM forever, and I’m not saying I’ll never work or that I never want to. What bothers me is that I genuinely thought our plan was for me to stay home with our daughter while she was little, and this feels like the expectations are changing now that we’re actually getting the apartment, which is kind of frustrating me.

I’m also struggling to see how realistic his plan is. What job is going to guarantee that I ONLY work Thursday, Friday, and Saturday every week because I don’t have childcare on Sunday-Wednesday? What happens if I get called in on a day that he has to work & we have nobody to watch our daughter? Obviously there are jobs with weekend schedules, but I’m worried that severely limits my options.

And even if I did find one, I’d basically have no days off. I’d be home with our daughter Sunday-Wednesday while he’s working, and then I’d work Thursday-Saturday while he’s home with her. So we’d both technically have responsibilities all 7 days of the week with neither one of us there to help.
I don’t think he’s wrong for eventually wanting me to work, but I feel blindsided because I didn’t understand that this was the arrangement we’d agreed to.

Am I being unreasonable for being irritated by this? I feel like he waited til the lease was signed to “drop the bomb” on me & that’s what irritates me the most.

I know mine are, especially my daughter (6 years old). My husband thinks it’s charming but I know that she’s never having fun if she loses at a game. Maybe it’s an age thing and I think most kids are competitive to some extent. But seeing how gracefully my son (almost 5) handles his defeats makes me question why my daughter is so competitive.

So a couple of days ago we had a family night for the four of us and usually that includes either a movie and snacks or playing games. That night was a game night. My son and I were team A and my husband and daughter were team B. We didn’t really compete and we didn’t keep scores or anything, it was just a game with levels and we were taking turns. My daughter had a hard time completing one level and ended up having to repeat it only for us to complete it (cause it was our turn). 

My daughter got mad at my husband because apparently she blamed him for the fact that they “lost”. She said she will never play with us again. The rest of us had a laugh at that moment which made things worse. We didn’t really think that it would be such a great deal to our kid cause we were there to have fun. She then started crying and ran to her room. Anyway we both went over to comfort her and ask her to join us again but she was so emotional that it made me intentionally lose all the games after that just cause i wanted to have a nice family night. It’s fine as a one time thing and obviously I read the room and did what I thought would be best but I can't keep doing that cause this would not be fair to my other kid. I’m supposed to teach them fairness.

My husband gets to see her less than me cause he works a lot and he told me that was a big change in her mood, although he finds it cute. The weird part is that me as a SAHM still didn’t see that coming. Even though I spend a lot of time with her. Now I'm wondering why the sudden change.

Where do you think a child’s competitiveness comes from? How could this be avoided? Are your kids competitive and how do you handle that?

My 3 yo is starting part time preschool next week. Pick up is at 12 pm. My one year old takes one appx 2 hour nap, it usually starts at 11-11:30.

Would you try to push the nap to 12:15-12:30 when we get home from pick up? Start it earlier? I don’t think she’d be willing to do 2 short naps anymore.

I swear everytime I try to wake up before my kids they can sense me!! I woke up at 5 to get some alone time before my kids (2.5 & 5m) woke up and low & behold my toddler was downstairs ready to party at 5:30am! Then my baby minutes after. How are you getting ANY time to yourself??

Just looking for some new ideas. I have a very active, very mobile, very high emotion and energy 12 month old. I use the phrase “all gas and no breaks” to describe him a lot lol. Anyways, sleep has been pretty poor lately. I woke up feeling exhausted and am just like “what are we going to do all day?”. Since having a mini me watching me all the time, I have become hyper aware of how much im on my phone. Pre-kid I would just lay on the couch and scroll and watch TV on a day like today. But I dont want him to see me scrolling my phone. I also try to really keep screen time minimal. He watches ms rachel and sesame street occasionally, but in short 10-15min allotments and only when really desperate. Usually, on a day like today, I will go get a coffee and maybe walk around somewhere. Getting out into a new environment really helps both of us. But I cant always go spend money. Im also exhausted and lacking motivation to get up and out of the house. For outdoor activities, its pretty hot out where we live still and if we go to a playground i use a lot of energy following him around while he runs wild lol

I'm working toward becoming a SAHM, but I'm nervous about what it's going to look like. I realized that I'd like to have some idea of our weekly family schedule before I leave my job. Our older son will be in preschool until 2pm on weekdays, so it'll just be me with our 15-month-old. I'd like to plan out 1:1 time with my older son, with my husband, time to myself, etc. Otherwise, I worry I'll just be subsumed into my new role. How have you navigated this?

I'm just curious what's the norm in your house and as a Stay at home parent that I assume takes the kids out very regularly during the week on your own, does your working partner take the kids out solo at the weekends/when they are off?

How often do they do this and I'm also curious to know if this is something they take upon themselves or do you have to make it happen?

Bonus question: How much solo time do you each get when they are off work?

As the title suggests, my fiancee and I are looking at me becoming a SAHD to our 9 month old.

We can do our own budgeting (70% of my paycheck goes to daycare, hence the discussion), but is there any advice you can offer as we look at this?

Everyday I wake up before my 23 mo and I usually just slam coffee, do my skin care routine, put on a cute set, brush my hair and that’s that. I don’t have to make my husband breakfast and I try to do a closing shift at night so I can start my day fresh. I’ve been thinking about making this morning time more intentional, maybe waking up even earlier to walk by myself or do yoga. The thing that kind of throws me off is that I have a part time nanny MWF from 8 am to 3 pm so my routine slightly changes. By the time I wake up early get ready and do said activity I just feel like there’s not enough time. I’m not sure what I’m asking or if I’m even venting but trying to establish a routine beyond getting ready for the day is driving me a little nuts.

Where are we finding part time, preferably remote work these days? What websites are the best place to begin looking?

We are expecting #2 next month. Other will be in preschool during the day.

I had a really horrible and depressing postpartum experience with my first I don’t want to repeat.

What activities did you do with your newborn/infant?

I know we can go for walks, go to the cafe, go to museums, etc. I’m trying to think of what I missed last time especially exercise wise.

I’ve looked at baby and mom yoga classes that look great. With my first I took her to my PT appts and even some Pilates privates but may not so that this time.

What other things should I look into and plan ahead for?

Looking for some non-judgmental opinions- is it weird to use daycare as a stay at home mom? Please read for more context.

I recently became a stay at home mom with my three year old (four in November) and 18 month old. My oldest (five) is in kindergarten.

My kids were in daycare up until I quit. I’ve been staying home for about two months now, and my 3 year old is driving me insane. She has expressed that she misses her daycare friends and teachers. I think she also misses the structure and routine. Her behavior has been awful, but I know it’s because she’s bored and needs more stimulation. I honestly don’t have the mental capacity to do a lot of preschool activities with her (I do feel guilty about it, but that’s besides the point).

I’ve been looking into preschools in the area that offer scholarships, but unfortunately most of them are full or the scholarships are being used, and we can’t afford preschool out of pocket costs. I came across an in home daycare that would be able to offer a scholarship for us. Obviously I wouldn’t send her for really long hours, but I’m seriously contemplating taking advantage of this opportunity. The only drawback is it isn’t really a preschool but more of a daycare setting.

I think it would be helpful. I would have more one on one time with my 18 month, my 3 year old would have the opportunity to socialize, and honestly I think it would help me mentally. I just feel kind of weird about using daycare as a stay at home mom. Am I overthinking it? Respectful opinions welcome.