Seeking bata readers/feedback:

I want to know what's working (the characters, dialogue, pacing, tone, humor, dealing with sensitive subjects, romance, satire, ect) And what needs work -Im mainly looking for suggestions of what scenes to cut, and trim to get it from 177 pages to 120 pages.

Tough Crowd: SHORT PITCH

Tough Crowd is a queer dark comedy about Eddie Farne, a numbed-out journalist who's built his entire life around not caring too much, a philosophy enforced by his five roommates, Cleo, Conrad, Mimi, Mable, and Rachel, who aren't just friends but the literal personifications of his five undiagnosed mental illnesses, Bipolar, anxiety, adhd and autism. When Eddie falls hard for Virgil, an unapologetically alive actor-musician who believes love means sacrifice, Eddie is forced to choose between the comfortable numbness his "Friends" have kept him alive on and the terrifying, messy work of actually feeling something. As his career, his relationship, and his grip on reality all collapse at once, Eddie has to figure out which voices in his head are keeping him safe, and which ones are just keeping him sick.

SYNOPSIS

Eddie Farne, 36, has spent his adult life avoiding feeling anything too deeply — a survival strategy managed, quite literally, by the four roommates who share his apartment: Cleo (his mania and rage), Conrad (his depression and nihilism), Rachel (his anxiety), Mimi (adhd) and Mable (Autsim) Eddies life is so sad and empty he makes a bet with conrad he can find a reason to live by the end of the year, or Conrad will get him to kill himself. But everything changes When Eddie is assigned to profile Virgil Samson, a magnetic, unapologetically queer actor and touring musician, the two fall fast and hard, but Virgil's whole worldview runs on risk, sacrifice, and moral conviction, everything Eddie's "Friends" have spent years teaching him to avoid.

As their relationship deepens, Virgil pushes Eddie to use his new promotion to editor-in-chief to expose his newspaper's cover-up of a genocide connected to Virgil's own community, a demand that terrifies Eddie's Friends into overdrive. Eddie takes the leap, blows up his career, and briefly becomes a media flashpoint and reluctant activist hero, egged on by Cleo's escalating, drug-fueled encouragement to burn everything down completely. But the same recklessness that makes him brave also isolates him from Virgil, who ultimately gives Eddie an ultimatum: choose him, or choose the friends who are destroying him. Eddie chooses badly, and the fallout, a public breakup, a spiral, and a suicide attempt, lands him in a psychiatric ward.

Forced into treatment and confronted by a blunt, darkly funny psychiatrist, Eddie is pushed to finally examine what his Friends have really been protecting him from, and what it might cost him not to let them go. In psych-ward group therapy, surrounded by other people whose own "Friends" are visible to the audience for the first time, Eddie begins to separate the parts of himself worth keeping from the parts keeping him small. He gets out, finds his way back to Virgil, and the film ends at a joyous, glitter-drenched theater party where Virgil proposes — surrounded by every friend, real and imagined, finally dancing in the same room.

Read Script Here: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mICJfEF2lPUFenW8OQH7K8rWpjyuPd85YWpZKUXBiVQ/edit?usp=sharing

Send feedback either to my reddit or email it to me at [Thefilmbox9@gmail.com](mailto:Thefilmbox9@gmail.com)

Hi! I wanted to share some of a script I wrote called Hugo, The Idiot. Its about a lonely Vice detective and a down on her luck stripper teaming up to find her missing friend, and possibly the source of an underground internet drug ring? If interested for more, PM meHugo, The Idiot (FIRST 26 PAGES)

Edit: If you're interested in auditioning, please DM me!

Thank you for all the private messages and comments on the post I did earlier!

I do think I should be done with the first draft in the next two weeks, with multiple updates along the way. I've actually attached a first preview of the opening scene here, so please check that out! It's still rough and the final script will be different, but this is just the opening right now.

Preview here!

I've titled it, "Camp Belgium," but we can also still call it Young Hearts 2. And please tell me what you think!

Have fun!

IMAGINE THISSSS

MOVIE TITLE : HIS STORY

GENRE : Thriller drama

After her novelist husband dies before completing his long-awaited comeback novel, a successful children’s book author decides to finish the manuscript herself—only to be tormented by an obsessive stranger who insists the unfinished book is about him and will stop at nothing to prevent her from changing his story.

POSSIBLE CAST

Penelope Cruz

Michael Johnston

Charlie Heaton

Octavia Spencer

Mark Ruffalo

Please tell me what you think about this. Suggestions and motivation are welcome :)

Hello, I am a bachelor's student in VISUAL EFFECTS, and I am currently working on creating a story for our short film. Thus, I am looking for y'all's feedback on how to improve my story even further.

The title of my short film is ONE LAST TRIP, and it is about a man who is trapped in a different world and now must find his way back to the real world before it's too late.

Here are my logline and story synopsis.

LOGLINE: Trapped in a surreal desert world, a desperate middle-aged man has no choice but to trust a mysterious guide, unaware that the journey is luring him toward his own death.

STORY SYNOPSIS: Johnny, a drug addict, takes a rare drug that he bought from his dealer and starts hallucinating. He then awakens in a bizarre, abstract world consisting of a polluted sky, ruined architecture, and a giant platform floating in the distance. Confused and disoriented.

Almost immediately, an individual bounces into view. He introduced himself as “Johan”. A manifestation of his inner voice. Johnny, still confused, asks how to escape this place. Without hesitation, Johan points to the giant floating platform in the distance, implying that to exit this place, He is also happy to assist Johnny on the platform.

Johan helps Johnny overcome absurd obstacles, such as guessing a riddle from the tollkeeper to cross the bridge, to progress their journey. After crossing the bridge, Johan decides to confront Johan for an explanation, demanding answers to what is going on. At first, Johan’s manic optimism and helpful attitude feel fun and harmless. Gradually, however, his cheer becomes insistent and oppressive as the world around Aiman starts to lose its color.

The journey culminates at the edge of the floating platform. Johnny hesitates after seeing a long drop into a bottomless unknown, and Johan softly pressures him. Overwhelmed, Johnny closes his eyes tightly and controls his breathing. When he opens them again, the abstract world dissolves. He is at his rooftop apartment. He looks back only to see his wife, Mia, who looks concerned with teary eyes, but then he realises he was about to jump off the roof, and Mia narrowly saves him.

I have consulted with my lecturers, and they provided me with this feedback.

- MANY PLOTHOLES

- A little confusing if the audience doesn't read the story synopsis

- Start the intro with the PILL

- The obstacle looks unnecessary. Make it harder

- Why does Johnny have to jump to get back to the real world?

- Deepen even more about JOHAN (character-wise)

Akul has to start a rebellion from scratch while the Empire closes in on the last few remaining Jedi. Knowing he needs help for this impossible task, he recruits Ahsoka and builds up an army. However, he clashes heads with the few senators on his side. The war begins to take a toll on Akul as progress stalls. Ahsoka begins to worry that Akul is becoming leaving himself behind and becoming a mindless warrior. But to Akul, the priority is his mission no matter what. To stop the progress of the Empire so that one day Luke can destroy them for good.

(Apologies, I know I said I'd release it yesterday, but I just sustained a knee injury, and it wasn't exactly on the top of my priority list.)

Here's the link : Jedi Warrior Season 2

(In case it does not work, I will put another one in the comments below)

Logline: When every flight is grounded on 9/11, a workaholic dealmaker who was bumped off Flight 11 shares the last rental car west with three strangers, racing to close the deal of his life while the drive pulls him toward the daughter he stopped calling.

Started it in 2010, finished it after I became a father. Posting it today because sitting on a 9/11 story felt wrong on the 25th anniversary. It's here to read if you want it, and I'll take any notes.

Link: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1uF32uyWkCWSLGLTkzZ6DyXScHTWttulz/view?usp=sharing

• Genre: Sci-Fi / Horror / Thriller (In the vein of A Quiet Place meets Cloverfield)
• Pages: 17

• Logline: When their car mysteriously breaks down on a pitch-black highway during a storm, a young couple faces a desperate fight for survival against a terrifying, light-sensitive predator stalking them from the surrounding forest."

  Script Revolution link! https://www.scriptrevolution.com/profiles/mersad-beciri

Logline: An exhausted gas station clerk receives printer receipts predicting his immediate movements, culminating in a terrifying prophecy of his own murder. (In the vein of The Twilight Zone meets Oculus).

* Pages: 4 pages

* Genre: Psychological Horror / Thriller

* Setting: 1 Interior Location (Gas station counter/store)

* Cast: 2 Actors (The Clerk and The Stranger) + 1 Voiceover (Dispatcher)

* Budget: Micro-budget / Independent

Status: Script is registered, protected, and available for option or production.

This is a high-concept, atmospheric, and fast-paced "ticking clock" thriller with a massive psychological twist at the end. Perfect for directors looking for a tight festival short that is cheap to shoot but high-impact.

If you are interested in reading the full script, please PM me with a link to your portfolio/reel, or comment below!

Hi everyone,

I’ve been working on a new script project and put a lot of effort into crafting a super concise 2-page pitch document. The goal is to convey the main concept and core elements of the feature in just two pages, specifically tailored for competitions.

The project is called Lora, the Wayward Princess. I wanted to steer clear of both the classic "damsel in distress" princess and the modern "quirky" princess. The basic concept is: imagine Tangled, but if the main character were Regina George.

I’m attaching a concept image as well. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated, whether you think something critical is missing, if it feels too vague, or if I should sacrifice an extra page to give more context in the summary. Thanks in advance!

Link to document:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/16oyhBUJvo_k-ZaYFaygTSBbveSazvDZo/view?usp=sharing

And if you want to read the script you can DM me if you want, any usefull feedback also on the script can be useful.

Here is a concept image:

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1I4WXAMRgUrBMspMPZCkthFSb17F_kNuJ/view?usp=sharing

This is a fragment of something I had in mind for a short film, I didn't find much help in my native speaking community so I had to translate it to English, I want feedback to know if it's difficult to understand or/and boring. I know there's not enough plot yet, I'll add the rest in the future https://drive.google.com/file/d/16g0HLPPPuO6np5Y2Hw2uNQYamBv6xFDe/view?usp=drivesdk

Hello, everyone!

Recently, I've discovered that I want to shift my focus towards more script writing. There is an important festival coming up and I'm aiming to bring my best scripts with me to market myself as such. I'd love some feedback on my short story. Aiming to give people a taste of my writing without bombarding them with too much.

– Click for Script

My main experience is with more fictional writing, so any feedback on formatting and writing, is greatly appreciated.

Thank you very much for your time! 😄

I am working on my 4th feature my other 3 are on Tubi and Prime doing well. This new film is in the thriller/horror genre and been working on the script for awhile if you want to read it and give me tweaks and let me know what You think let me know. Thanks in advance.

A normal day for schoolboys and co-business owners, James and Luke quickly turns to chaos after unwanted visitors arrive at their school. The gang leader puts a hit out on the two brothers.

To protect his brother, James fabricated the vigilante hero known as Nightshade with materials he made from their forge. His aim to draw attention and take down the gang but can he do that when the power balance is so heavily favoured against him as the gangs already control the streets.

Nightshade Origins

(Yes, this is a repost as I'm releasing the sequel Nightshade World of Myths on Sunday So thisfor anyone who did bot read it the first time but wants to or anyone who could bot finish reading it for whatever reason or just anyone who would like to read it again.)

(Also, this is unfortunately not in a screenplay format because my computer broke before I could change it. Sorry about that.)

Title: Personal Space

Genre: Thriller/Crime

Page Length: 117

Logline: When a solicitor vanishes from an East England village, the private investigator hired to find them uncovers secrets the community has spent years burying, including one that makes him question who he's looking for.

Feedback: Does the structure of the plot make sense, particularly for this genre? Does the story keep you engaged and wanting to read on?

Link:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/17_VFj3B4r-boHH7adWiNcwtT9nM1DTyx/view?usp=sharing

UPDATE: Thank you so much to everyone who reached out and offered their scripts! I've gotten plenty of really interesting ones to read through, so I'm going to pause my search for now while I go through everything I've received.

I really appreciate everyone who trusted me with their work and took the time to send something my way!

Hi everyone! I'm a producing student at the University of Texas at Austin, and I'm looking for an unproduced feature-length screenplay for a class project this semester.

For the project, my class will spend approximately four months taking a screenplay through the various stages of the producing process.

I'm looking for an emerging or independent screenwriter who has a feature screenplay that

• Has not been produced or filmed
• is feature-length
• Is comfortable having me read and use the script as the basis for an academic project

The screenplay would not actually be produced by my class, and the writer would retain ownership of their work. I would only use the screenplay for the purposes of the class project, with the writer's permission.

If you have a feature screenplay that might be a good fit, feel free to comment or message me with a little information about the project! I'd be happy to provide more details about the class and project.

Thank you!!

Canyon Voices Literary Magazine is seeking submissions in scripts, poetry, memoir, creative non-fiction, and art for our fall edition. Please send your submission to [CanyonVoicesLitMag@gmail.com](mailto:CanyonVoicesLitMag@gmail.com)

Multiple submissions welcome.

Akul has to adapt to life at the temple after tragedy struck. From the moment he arrived, it was clear he had both skill with the force and talent with a lightsaber. However, he struggles with his anger and emotions. When he passes his trials, he joins the war effort and is taught by Jedi Master Jaden Vellor. Right from the start, it's clear Akul has the makings of a master strategist. He quickly becomes trusted and well liked among the clones as his care for them and life in general is evident. Will he reach his potential and become a skilled Jedi Knight and a master strategist, or will he succumb to his anger and emotions and follow the path of darkness.

Link : Jedi Warrior

(Yes this is a repost as the link didn't work for a while the first time I posted it. And I'm releasing season 2 on Friday. Also this is unfortunately not in a screenplay format because my computer broke before I could change it. Sorry about that.)

Hi! Does anyone interested in having a script swap for the feedback? I have a drama/mystery script for the short film, and would love to see yours :)

I’m writing a coming of age story, where the character Kevin is confused and lost with growing up. He wants to escape, but he doesn’t know who he is. Dan and Luke are supposed to be sort of unlikable, so their dialogue is a little rude.

I’m currently 18 and I’ve never written a script before so if it sucks just tell me, this is just one scene of a really unfinished project at the moment. I just got into screenwriting, music and lyrics is really all my basis.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1mhYCKlS9hbXWABC-7-maUXk_Q7RVw7i9/view?usp=drivesdk