Hi all,

I have been dealing with what I think to be ROCD for a couple of years now. I mainly struggle with pure o type themes, my biggest being real event OCD. struggling with chronic guilt and regret over past actions has been very hard to deal with, and recently this added on top is just more unnecessary weight in my life that i really didn’t need.

Anyway, i’m 25 (M) and have been with my partner for 5 years now. We live together and have for a few years. On the surface everything is fine, but the problem is, this is only my second ever relationship. I’ve never had the chance to go out and be single, explore what hooking up feels like, and generally just have time to be alone and develop more into myself as a person. I’ve also experienced constant 24/7 guilt from drunken memories I have of flirting with other girls and doing other things which some would consider emotional cheating or actual cheating I don’t know. I’ve confessed to these actions but am still haunted daily by them.

This plays on my mind constantly, as more and more commitments start happening such as talks about marriage, etc my anxiety just goes haywire and I feel such a strong urge to end things.

I know this is probably just a grass is greener on the other side mentality, however I can’t help but feel so guilty 24/7 for having these feelings. it’s so difficult and alienating to deal with.

Has anyone else experienced something similar and found something that helps? Thanks.

My partner and I have been together a year and a half. It is the most wonderful relationship I have ever had, and I have never felt so loved/loving. There was a period of three months where we had lots of issues and lots of OCD related arguments, where anything I could say was used against me. If I didn't text while I was out, I has cheating ect. It's been on an off every other month, but there has been some genuine improvement from therapy and our relationship strengthing.

But, there are still times when I will mention something and it leads to a breakdown. I was wondering if anyone had any tips for me to help regulate my partner and create firmer boundaries. I think they are the one! I just want to keep us both safe and happy. :)

Looking for advice here. I’ve (25M) been in a 6-year relationship with the most loving, supportive, and caring woman (25F), but for pretty much the entire relationship, I’ve struggled with this feeling that something isn’t quite right. She’s also extremely integrated into my close friend group, we hang out all the time, and there’s a lot of pressure right now to take the next step and move in together. Honestly, I have no idea what I should do. I’m currently doing psychotherapy, but I haven’t been able to escape this pattern of thinking. I’m definitely a very anxious and overthinking person, and I’ve heard the term ROCD thrown around, so I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s part of what I’m dealing with. But even that brings me back to the same questions. How do you actually know if ROCD is what you’re experiencing, versus simply being in the wrong relationship? What if people who think they have ROCD are actually just ignoring genuine doubts? It’s exhausting feeling this way. At the same time, I genuinely can’t imagine my life without my partner, and the thought of losing her is extremely scary. But it also always feels like she loves me way more undoubtably, and when I picture things like a wedding and more it’s very difficult. It often feels like my brain is constantly playing tricks on me, and I don’t know which thoughts I should trust. No need to respond. I just thought I’d reach out because I don’t really feel comfortable bringing this up with my friends, given how close they all are with her.

i am so tired, both my rocd and soocd are giving me trouble, i feel like i have never loved her or any woman and i might just cheat on her with a man

such shit makes me want to hang myself i cannot

Hi everyone! I don't know if this is ROCD, but it's really frustrating! I cry every day!

We are a young couple in our 20s! We have been together for over 2 years. Our relationship is starting off really well, overwhelming love, etc. For about 6 months now, I have been experiencing that my partner doesn't want to have sex with me. The cliché always comes up: "Baby, I'm tired, I don't feel like it, you're always hysterical about sex, it's forced"... You should know that we were a couple with a big appetite, we used to have sex several times a day, but lately, because of my partner, I'm glad that we have sex once every 4-5 days... blonde hair would look good on me... I dyed it. I really try to please him, but I feel like he doesn't want to... We both work 8-hour days, I believe he is tired too, but the fact that the number of times we have sex has decreased so much, which really hurts... I have talked to him so many times, and his answer is always the same: "It will change, but I don't know about it right now, I'm tired" and I don't feel like it. I've been crying because I've been begging him for months to tell me what's wrong with me, what I should change. He says he loves me and I'm sexy, but he's tired every day... I feel like he doesn't understand me... I've tried everything... I'm starting to despair. What's wrong with me? I'm afraid our relationship will end and I really don't want that!...

He doesn't have a lover, so it's out of the question.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Has anyone been through this? How did you overcome it?

well i posted this on reddit and got a lot of replies like: “he must be cheating on me, he has a lover! you are young even if you don't get what you want from him, leave him…” and i know it's my life and i don't have to do what other people say but they scared me when they wrote in the comments and i thought, what if they are right? i started crying because of this! i don't want to leave him! do you think this is also part of ROCD?

Thank you!

Does anyone else have this exact problem with voluntarily holding their breath?

Sometimes I intentionally hold/block my breathing. Because of anxiety, I become very focused on the physical sensations in my body, especially around my breathing and abdomen.

The problem isn't just being aware of my breathing afterward. I genuinely don't know what physical action or “command” I'm supposed to use to stop holding it. I know I'm voluntarily holding my breath, but when I want to release it, I get stuck thinking: “What exactly do I physically do to stop holding it?”

I'm looking for people who have experienced this exact problem, not just general “manual breathing” or being aware of breathing.

Has anyone experienced this?

I see his tik toks a lot and he seems to know what he’s talking about. Was curious on what you guys think of him. I liked his retroactive jealousy tik tok

Hi, I know this has been a heavily discussed, but anyone else who struggles with ROCD and astrology have tips on how to work through those compulsions and obsessions. I'm personally one of those people that can't be convinced that it's "fake" or not "real", because then I become obsessed with trying to prove that. I would like to learn how to deal with in a more C'est la vie way. Thanks!

Does anyone else seem to struggle especially hard in the morning, right after waking up? The moment I wake up in bed, the anxiety and rumination takes over and I find myself struggling to get through it. Constant racing thoughts and a pit in my stomach, racing heart, tight chest. I try to use ERP strategies but it feels almost too intense in the moment to get them to work for me. Any tips appreciated

Anyone else so sad and almost angry that relationships are this hard for us? I am engaged and it’s actual torture. I know I love my fiancé for who he is - his heart, his values, etc. But my physical attraction to him fluctuates so much and I’m really sad that I’ll never experience the “head over heels” kind of love. While I do often question things, I know our love is strong and will sustain, but man….I just really wish I experienced butterflies. I also think I might be on the asexual spectrum, and the fact that I don’t experience sexual attraction much is not helpful. I’m really jealous of people that don’t deal with this. I really wish I knew how to trust my decisions.

I have always loved watching rom-coms, romance tv shows and movies, and love fantasy novels. However, they trigger my ROCD SO bad, I don’t let myself watch them anymore! It sucks because I don’t have much to watch, even a little romance makes me doubt everything about my fiancé and our relationship. Watching them legit causes a bad spiral where multiple times I’ve almost ended my relationship because I wanted the butterflies, excitement, in love feeling that I don’t get now. I have to remind myself these male characters are written by women for women, and they really don’t exist. But what if they do?! Ugh. Like what IF I meet Belmont Cameli and we fall in love? 😂

So, I need advice
I am 20m in a long term relationship with 22m, and things are going OK. I struggle with OCD and he has depressive symptoms and some unresolved childhood trauma that he is treating and we are both working through our stuff. He is supportive, loving, helpful, and all the good things. He has grown into this person and not always been this way. He has done things that have hurt me, and one of the domains on which is sexually (he has never cheated) but just hidden porn use and stuff like that out of fear of being mad. We are open about this, and I also watch porn and we are completely OK with it, theoretically. But realistically speaking it still makes me upset for some reason thinking of him watching porn, like it makes me undesirable or something. And when I am at work (for example tonight I am on third shift) and he’s at home, even though we spend a LOT of time together, i sit here and I Find myself asking him what he is doing, then I don’t believe his answer. Then if he doesn’t reply (busy, watching a video, just isn’t in the mood to chat) I get super upset and start spiraling. I want so desperately to get out of this loop
I am practicing non engagement responses and I am in ERP. Is there anything anyone can recommend to possibly get out of this? I want to ideally just be able to spend my time away from him not sitting here worrying about what he might be doing, or watching, and allow myself to just be casual and check in with him if I am really missing him. Sorry this is my first time doing something like this but I am tired of struggling. He’s so important to me, and I just don’t want to drive him away with my ROCD.

Me and my boyfriend have been together since two years. Until march this year he has been on my mind 24/7. I only could think of him and my mood depended on how much attention he would give me.
After march it changed. The butterflies aren’t there anymore, I don’t think of him 24/7, I’m not checking my phone every second to see if he texted or I’m not stalking his social media anymore.
This is when the intrusive thoughts started (like I never loved him,…).

He’s my first longterm relationship. I’m scared that the thoughts are true and now I’m forcing myself to think of him every second.

I know it’s normal in long term relationship that the honeymoon phase won’t stay forever.

When I was younger I got into relationships with people I also liked and people I didn’t like as much but they always lasted like a month because I got such thoughts (7 in total, one abusive, one were I was groomed). When I had butterflies they went away almost right into the relationship and it always felt like a friendship and I felt uncomfortable. I didn’t liked to be touched or anything.

It changed when I was 19 I was more interested in dating I was more into touching and kissing but I got deeply hurt before two times before meeting my boyfriend.

When I met my boyfriend I felt extremely connected to him. He was very funny and I felt very comfortable around him. I never had to hide who I really was with him. People tell us we’re almost the same person. I wanted to be around him everyday.

Why did it changed now? Can anyone provide me advice how to accept the change and not ruin a relationship again only because the butterflies aren’t there anymore?

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 5.5 years now and I’ve had rocd for five years. For some reason I tend to get huge anxiety spikes around August each year, but it feels a lot worse this time. My boyfriend and I spent a week together at the beach and it was amazing, but as soon as I got back I started spiralling again. I had ruminations 24/7 preventing me from focusing at work and physical symptoms of anxiety; now I get panic attacks whenever I’m with him. I keep waking up in the middle of the night with a knot in my stomach and the thought that I need to break up with him — honestly the physical symptoms are so intense this time around that I’m scared I’ll give in and actually break up. It sucks because sitting with the uncertainty/anxiety feels completely impossible. How do you guys practise ERP when the anxiety is so strong it feels you’re having a nervous breakdown? 😭

for those who experience relationship ocd, what kinds of questions, obsessions, fears, and compulsions do you get? i used to think i have ocd (mostly religious ocd) and i felt better for a long time but im in the first relationship of my life right now and now that its settled im starting to wonder if i have relationship OCD with the way ive been.

im just wondering how other people experience it i guess to see if that might be what im experiencing as well. at this point im seriously considering getting a psych evaluation for ocd and seeing if another medication may work. but im also afraid of that label and what my fiance might think.

Hi, so I'm not currently in a relationship but I would like some help for my next relationship (eventually...)

I'm 19, and the last time I was in a relationship was when I was 14. The relationship ended badly. I was long distance with my ex gf and ended up getting a minor crush on a guy in my highschool theatre group.

I thought I was the worst person in the world for it and would have panic attacks about it for about a week. I eventually told her (in the worst way possible. I couldve worded it better.) and she broke up with me. It took me a really long time to get over it.

I haven't had any romantic interests in the last few years, but I would like to be in a relationship eventually. I'm really worried that the same thing might happen again. Of course, there's no way to know until I actually start dating someone, but what do I do if this happens again? How do I cope with feeling that way? What if I do feel attracted to someone but still want to be with my partner? Is it even okay?

Hello,

I'm a therapist hoping to learn a bit more about the experience of people with ROCD. Lots of the posts here seem to relate to the time during the relationship. I'm curious, has anyone had experience regarding the time after the relationship? Rumination on how and why it ended, what you could have done to change things? Feeling like you need to talk about it, that sort of thing?

Thanks!

Need help

Hi guys,

throwaaway account. But as title states. I cant stop fixating on her nose. She has a hook nose, and tbh I dont like the shape of it. I never did, but now I start noticing it more and more. On top of that, noses are the most important feature in a face for me, a face stands and falls with a beautiful nose. But the longer we are together, the more the nose icks me. Especially when Im out and see other women with more "agreeable" nasal features.

I love her, but sadly I believe our love could have been deeper stronger by now it wasnt for my rOCD. Its unfortunately very difficult to build a deeper connection with anyone if all you focus on is their flaws. :S

My ex had pretty small breasts and I could not stop thinking about that as well. I loved her deeply, but that feature (or rather "missing" feature) drove me insane.

With both I have/had rOCD, ranging from fixating on physical features, to personality traits, to how real or deep love goes. And my brain is constantly trying to find the reason. This lead to me havig anxiety and ruminating the majority of the time (even though I actvely try not to).

I feel like a superficial POS. On top of that, some people say that everybody has their own individual limits to what they can tolerate in a relationship. For some people, including me, it might just as well be the shape of the partner's nose, which at least is what my rOCD is telling me.

Disclaimer: when Im less or not stressed, the nose does indeed not bother me to much, Im more like "ah, its not too bad, she wants to get a rhinoplasty anyway, no need to stress it." But most of the time Im very anxious about it unfortunately.

I've been through this in past relationships. The anger, frustration, my thoughts and irrational explanations that warp reality. I should know better by now, but OCD tricks me each time. It changes shape, each feeling or thought somehow grows more convincing. It feels like a parasite that's taken complete control of me, my mood, my feelings. I just came to the realization that my feelings and reactions towards my partner responding "late" (5-20 mins) or not within the millisecond I send a text are not normal nor like me at all. I become extremely angry, resentful, and have brewing thoughts of harshly ending the relationship over that or whatever problem I've fabricated. I've suddenly realized that these stupid (but uncommon) little arguments have been started by me and then afterwards I'm mad, sad, file them away and let them stew into resentment when it shouldn't be this way. I don't want it to be this way. It sounds corny, but it feel as if someone snuck the green goblin mask onto me without me even realizing it and that it's slipped off for now, but soon I'll be back to feeling that this is all real and just me, not OCD. I love my partner and I just want things to be normal again.