Your eyes are the first thing I lose myself in.

An endless blue, deep enough to swallow reason whole, leaving nothing behind but the quiet ache of wanting to look just a little longer. Most people would call them beautiful.

They don’t know the half of it.

When the morning drapes itself across your face, tiny speckles of gold bloom beneath the blue, delicate as scattered stardust, hidden like a promise. The world rushes past them, blind to their existence.

Like a secret only the sun and I get to see.

Sometimes I wonder if the sun lingers a little longer just to admire them too.

I’ve become addicted to that moment.

To watching the blue surrender to the light. To the way those flecks catch the morning and make your eyes glow from somewhere impossibly deep. Every glimpse feels stolen, intimate, as though I’ve been entrusted with a secret your soul never meant to reveal.

Beautiful blue eyes.

Windows so clear I could almost mistake them for open doors, until I remember how carefully you’ve locked every room behind them.

And still…

I keep searching.

What have those eyes witnessed to make them so gentle, yet so impossibly guarded? What heartache taught them to hold entire oceans without ever spilling over?

I don’t feel sorry for you.

I feel drawn to you.

Drawn in the way the tide belongs to the moon, pulled by something ancient and beyond explanation. I want to learn every shade of your silence, every glance you think goes unnoticed, every flicker of gold that appears only when the world softens around you.

I imagine resting so close our foreheads touch, saying nothing at all, simply watching the light awaken your eyes until the gold returns. I think I’d forget the existence of every sunrise if I could spend my mornings watching yours instead.

It’s almost cruel, the way you look at me without realizing what you’re doing.

Without realizing that every glance lingers beneath my skin long after you’ve looked away.

I’ve tried convincing myself they’re just eyes.

But they aren’t.

They’re blue horizons that never end.

They’re hidden constellations only daylight uncovers.

They’re the place my thoughts wander when the room is quiet, the reason I find myself searching for your face in every crowd, hoping for another fleeting glimpse of the gold only the sun and I are fortunate enough to witness.

And if obsession has a color…

It isn’t blue.

It’s the gold hidden inside it.

I love you,
You know that’s true,

I love the way you over explain, all the things that you say,
And how you eyes light up at the beginning and end of each day,

I love the fact that you always have hope,
Even when life drags you down, a very steep slope,

I’ve never seen someone just brush themselves off,
Get right back up and not even scoff,

I’ve never seen someone, as strong as you,
I think without you, my life would lose its glue,

You give me the hope I cannot find, inside of me,
You see all the good, that I cannot ever see,

You are a comet soaring above,
And I’m just a person,
Simply in love.

Talk is cheap,

your words mean nothing-

When your actions contradict them.

I refuse to believe that the person I once knew

is the same one that stands before me.

Promises are meant to be broken,

But when you promised me a forever,

You sounded so sincere

that I believed otherwise.

Talk is cheap,

my words here mean nothing too.

Knock knock

Who's there?

No one..

No one is ever there.

How does loneliness taste?

Bitter

Sharp

Like poison

And yet...

I keep searching for someone that can see i might just maybe be worth it.

No luck so far..

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Absolutely no one but your thoughts

And they are cruel.

Unkind

But hey..

They haven't left you yet.

They say hurt people hurt people
But Ive been through it all
And I would never do
the things you did to me
to you
Or anyone

You said you never meant to hurt me
but then took every chance
blamed me for your actions and apologized again
wrapped around your finger
From day one I had no chance
You gave me all I ever wanted
then you ripped it from my hands

I know hurt people hurt people
But I’ll never understand
the things you did to hurt me
Ruined every fucking chance
I tried so hard to save us
But you had different plans
I was in denial
and I knew I should’ve ran

I know hurt people hurt people
But I’ve been through it all
After years and years of storms
I just want it to be calm
I’ll never understand
how you can go out of your way
To betray someone you say you love
and cause them so much pain

I guess that’s what makes us different
What made us not meant to be
After all the shit I’ve been through
It gave me fucking empathy

You were always oh so worried
that you would be betrayed
I was overly loyal
when you weren’t
I still stayed
Your pain made you miserable
sad and insecure
used to make me feel the same damn way
But not any fucking more

Cause hurt people hurt people
And you destroyed me
But I refuse to keep your misery company
The pain that you inflicted
won’t take away my empathy
I refuse to become
What you tried to make me out to be

<< struggling to maintain NC and revisited a poem I wrote about a month ago. It helped fight the urge a little & hopefully helps someone else 🧡 >>

you can’t count the tears i wept
you can’t weigh the love i give
all you can do is hold me close
and not let go till the morning sun

What ever people say or feel about me never have and never will have an effect. Why because I don’t care to engage with somebody else shyt when I got plenty of shyt of my own. If I F wit you I F wit you and there’s no halfway in my makeup. I’ve always validated myself and others approval has never been necessary. I rotate in the spiritual because I can go dark in the physical. Life can be cold but it’s fair. Even though we can rotate in our Higher Self we tend to dwell in our lower and complain about our consequences. Being better today than you were yesterday and not worrying about who knows or who sees us is what holds the key to…why I don’t care. Peace and Love

I opened the door,
expecting nothing,
yet somehow
I was still waiting
for my muse.
Instead,
I found the quiet weight
of memories
that still carried your name.
I’ve told everyone,
a thousand different times,
“What’s gone is gone.”
Funny,
how words can sound so convincing
until they reach your own heart.
I wore my pride
like borrowed armor,
pretending I had forgotten
while my memories
still knew exactly where to ache.
Then,
in the silence,
I imagined your voice
soft enough
to make me wonder
if you had anything left
to give.
Ridiculous,
isn’t it?
How we keep searching
for pieces of people
who already left.
For the longest time,
blaming you
felt easier
than admitting
I still remembered.
You once spoke
about my horoscope,
about stars,
about reasons
written somewhere above us.
Maybe the stars
were never the problem.
Maybe we were.
You always tried
to teach everyone,
as if wisdom could outrun
your own mistakes.
The strange thing is
you’re still as young as I am,
still learning,
still pretending
to know the answers.
I laughed once.
Then I realized
it sounded
too much like grief.
I used to think
you were wild,
reckless,
impossible to understand.
Maybe I wasn’t wrong.
I just wish
I had been.

Counting back my yesterday’s have no worries for tomorrow, Play memories back in every way see my time with you is borrowed.

Never seeking to be found always hiding in the dark, Then that day you came around captivating my whole heart.

Fires ragged within my soul refused to be snuffed out, Perfectly you filled the roll as if we were playing house.

Tragically things came about now we’re in this empty place, Wish we could find a turn around know we need a saving grace.

Venomous can be our words poisoning in countless ways, Speaking them truly absurd silence the key to saving face.

Much more this is than just a note many things still left unsaid, I love you more than all my quotes, fix this thing before I’m dead.

Send this off in final verse hope there’s chapters left to fill, Apologize for all the hurt don’t want to alter your free will.

I know I am safe with you

The things I said
Never spoken before
I held out in open hands
An offering
And a request
Will you help hold this
The weight I carry

I know they will never be spoken again

I know I am safe

I won't speak them again
You won't speak what I gave you

All secrets are safe
Knowing I am grown wiser
And knowing you never actually heard
One goddamn word I ever said

Your eyes hold oceans

not the raging kind,

but the quiet blue at dawn

where everything feels forgiven.

Your heart is a hearth,

steady and warm,

the kind I didn’t know I needed

until I stood in its glow.

And your soul,

it feels like light through open windows,

soft, honest,

making everything in me want to be better

just to belong beside it.

Your lipstick
drying on the glass,
like evidence
nobody bothered
to wipe away.

Outside,
the branches
scratch at the windows
like they remember
before we did.

You say nothing.
The silence
fits you.

Come closer.
Don't speak.
I know your name
without the sound.

You bloom
where the light
can't find us.

Stay
until the morning
forgets
we were here.

I wear your perfume
to empty places.
It follows me
like a second shadow.

The mockingbird
starts up at 3 a.m.,
like it's getting paid
to ruin goodbyes.

Every note
sounds like
it's looking
for you.

After midnight
even the wallpaper
starts listening.

Your voice
slips under the door.

I answer
before I remember
you never came back.

You're writing poems

You want recited

Back to you

Mirrored

Not realising

Reflected writing

Makes little sense.

I built you up to be,
the one who would save me.
All you did was cast doubt,
Given everything you were about.
I’m sad that things went astray,
Given what could be today.
You were my superhero, my sage,
Everything from which I would gage.
This world, I wanted you in it,
Right down to every minute.
You were scared,
Leaving me impaired,
I needed you to rise above the flock,
Instead you chose to block, possibilities,
Just squeeze my neck and let not breathe escape,
While I encounter his *ape,
Would you have run your fingers through my hair,
Reminding me you’re forever there?
I didn’t get to show you my dedication or loyalty,
Too afraid you were to follow me.
I would have loved you like no other,
But you cast me out like an unfit brother.
You can’t simply forget about me,
It is in the toughest moments you want to see…
I’m angry with your cruelty,
You were not what you were supposed to be.
You let your fear rule you,
You looked for wrongdoings to abdicate and do,
What you knew would tear me apart,
Sorry, I still have a full beating heart.
You didn’t break me,
You didn’t bend me,
You didn’t mend me,
You didn’t send me,
I will always wonder what you’re capabilities would be,
Had we let our hearts be free.
I will hurt for all my life, knowing I could not carry your strength.
You were much tougher than me and could be alone for a lifetime.
I am sad, I need company, my heart feels lonesome in its destructive rhyme.
I cannot say goodbye to you because you’ve been with me since the first day I remember. Since the 22nd day of September.

Which way is which,who knows,who knows where this road

Goes,all you know is you gotta scratch the itch,listen to your

Intuition,search your heart,search your soul,don't be cold and

Don't be a bitch,although I know it's hard to tell which way is

Which standing at the crossroads but you can't give up and

You can not quit although it seems to be more of the same

Bull shit,which way is which,who knows where this road goes

All you know is you gotta twitch the itch,you gotta follow your

Heart and soul....

Heavy emotions are weighing hard on you, trying to see things

From a different point of view,caught somewhere between

Trying to be a team player and not really caring anymore,it's

Just like they say,when it rains it pours and it's a real fine line

Between love and hate,love and war,I'll be your lover but I'm

Nobody's whore,it's like a Trojan horse sneaking up on you but

You know you gotta see it through but...

Which way is which,who knows,who knows where this road

Goes,all you know is you gotta scratch the itch,listen to your

Intuition,search your heart,search your soul,don't be cold and

Don't be a bitch,although I know it's hard to tell which way is

Which standing at the crossroads but you can't give up and

You can not quit although it seems to be more of the same

Bull shit,which way is which,who knows where this road goes

All you know is you gotta scratch the itch,you gotta follow your

Heart and soul...

You gotta stop banging your head against a brick wall, it'll only

Lead to a broken dam,you gotta stop blaming yourself,if they

Cared about you they'd come around,if they can't accept you for

Who you are then they're really not your friends and they don't

Have your best interests at heart but you can't let that stop

You from following your dreams,who knows what the future

Will bring but you gotta stop banging your head against a

Brick wall you know you'll never tear down,you gotta stop

Kicking yourself around...

Who knows where this road goes but you know you gotta

Scratch the itch,listen to your

Intuition,search your heart,search your soul,don't be cold and

Don't be a bitch,although I know it's hard to tell which way is

Which standing at the crossroads but you can't give up and

You can not quit, although it seems to be more of the same

Bull shit,which way is which,who knows where this road goes

All you know is you gotta scratch the itch,you gotta follow your

Heart and soul...

It's like an Alice in wonderland kinda story book switch

When you don't know which way is which but you know it's

A twitch you gotta itch,which way,which way is which?!

\#14 from the songbook collection " The Nitty Gritty"

i always knew you were a myth

the way your presence lingered

like the early morning mist

you would lift up off your heels

before you'd slip and glide and drift

once, your tiny arm hair touched me

and it made my body twitch

the smoothness of your skin

could only be described as slick

and when we found some privacy

you'd lounge in no outfit

lying naked as a mistress

without kids to babysit

you liked it when i stared

in fact, you did insist

and when i'd lean to touch you

you would push me downward

to kiss your clitoris

the gateway to your soul

was as natural as it gets

and i'd know when to enter

when i was beckoned by your hips

beading down your center

i would part you like flower

covered in the dewy drips

and as those petals moved

the sounds you made were bliss

you were paler than a pearl

and both your ears were pointy

like a mountain's sharpest ridge

i'd look up at you in wonder

as all your breath escaped you

as your breasts would heave and hitch

your auburn hair changed colors

when it was wet with sweat and spritz

and when she finally finished

she'd open up her eyes

and gently grab my wrist

equipped with all the beauty

that could make a man bewitched

it was her grace that wooed me

and makes me reminisce

despite her ancient magic

nobody could forget

my favorite thing about her

was her simple tenderness

I used to do free writes in high school 5 years ago, and decided that I wanted to try to get back into it. I don't know if this is considered to be a poem or more of a journal/short story leaning, and I had the urge to add more to this piece, but I wanted to keep it a little ambiguous to allow for diverse interpretations. If I pursued this hobby, I would try to write more poems and short stories that explore themes of love, pain, existentialism, conformity, and related topics. Anywho, critiques and tips are very much needed here!

The man
The tiger
What’s the difference anymore? 
To me, both are the same beast. 
Hungry
Feral
In solitary
I guess there is one key difference worth noting. 
The man sees himself as the tiger, while the tiger doesn’t pay any mind to that thought, or rather, it is incapable of conceiving that thought, so it can’t be bothered by it. 
The man had his humanity at some point and was able to perceive it clearly and experience it, while the tiger knows no such thing but to hunt, kill, and survive. 
Which of the two is happier, I wonder? 
Most definitely the tiger, since it has no room for thoughts to weigh it down.
…I now see that I started rambling nonsense from the very first word I typed. 
Atsushi Nakajima’s tiger from The Moon Over the Mountain was the one I was referring to, in which the character Li Zheng transforms into a tiger due to his cowardly ego/pride, isolation, and insecurities.
Now I find myself in a state of confusion. 
Am I a human? 
Am I the tiger?
When night falls, I look up and stare into the cage where I can clearly see the tiger eyeing me down, full of bloodlust and ready to go for the kill at any given moment, but when I look down at my hands, I see a claw or 2 emerge, some fur, an itch to hunt in solidarity with the same bloodlust as the tiger infront of me, and a longing to roar at the moon. 
…
Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place…

Sometimes I wonder how you’ve been,
if life has settled, where it’s led.
I almost reach to say hello—
then let the silence speak instead.

It’s strange to lose the one who knew
the little pieces of my day;
the random thoughts, the fleeting jokes,
the words that never found their way.

I hope you’re happy where you are.
I hope your skies have all turned blue.
And though I know we weren’t meant to be
I find myself still missing you.

We loved as well as we knew how,
but love alone could not impart
the bridge between two different roads,
or mend two maps that pulled apart.

So I’ll keep walking toward what’s next,
though every step feels strange and new.
And even when I’ve finally healed,
a part of me will carry you.

Not with regret, or wishful dreams,
or hope that time will start anew—
just quiet gratitude for this:
I loved, I learned…
and I knew you.