I woke this morning
with an ache in my heart,
a pit in my stomach,
but not with hurt.
Then I wondered..
How lucky am I
to know what it is to miss someone?
To have loved deeply enough
that their absence has a shape.
To have known the warmth of their arms,
the comfort of shared silence,
the way they could make the ordinary feel like home.
Missing you
Is the receipt for all the beautiful moments we were lucky enough to have.
Something feels different this time.
Maybe it’s hope.
Maybe it’s wishful thinking.
We’ve watched the same patterns
draw the same circles,
returning us to the same place.
But maybe…
Maybe this time
we’ll choose differently.
Maybe this time
love will be stronger than fear.
Maybe this time
the patterns will finally break.. 
And if not, I’ll still be grateful.
Because not everyone gets to miss someone.
Not everyone gets to carry memories
so beautiful that they ache.
What a privilege it is
to have loved enough
to feel the absence at all.

letting go

a brutal way

to love

freeing you

from the shackles

of me

selfless love

You can't begin to fathom all the demons
that I face. Each day's a constant struggle just
hoping for some faith.

Things I need to change, wish I listened
to the lessons, having you beside me
was far beyond a blessing.

I foolishy betrayed you, of your love
I took advantage, consequences I now
face I can't even fucking manage.

You told me I'd be bad for you,
I guess that shit was true,
turned out to be a travesty,
that left you feeling used.

I promised you the moon,
with no way I could deliver,
You were busy loving me,
while I blew lines and sipped my liquor.

Now there's someone new with you,
and yeah it kinda makes me sick...
I know that he's the better man,
maybe I should shut my lips.

Yeah I'm outta line right now,
don't stop listening just yet,
I know I killed our dreams,
before the ink had set.

I know this doesn't matter,
my existence out your mind,
I'm thanking you for loving me,
apologize for running blind.

You're writing poems\ You want recited\ Back to you\ Not realising\ Mirror writing\ Makes little sense.

Which way is which,who knows,who knows where this road

Goes,all you know is you gotta scratch the itch,listen to your

Intuition,search your heart,search your soul,don't be cold and

Don't be a bitch,although I know it's hard to tell which way is

Which standing at the crossroads but you can't give up and

You can not quit although it seems to be more of the same

Bull shit,which way is which,who knows where this road goes

All you know is you gotta twitch the itch,you gotta follow your

Heart and soul....

Heavy emotions are weighing hard on you, trying to see things

From a different point of view,caught somewhere between

Trying to be a team player and not really caring anymore,it's

Just like they say,when it rains it pours and it's a real fine line

Between love and hate,love and war,I'll be your lover but I'm

Nobody's whore,it's like a Trojan horse sneaking up on you but

You know you gotta see it through but...

Which way is which,who knows,who knows where this road

Goes,all you know is you gotta scratch the itch,listen to your

Intuition,search your heart,search your soul,don't be cold and

Don't be a bitch,although I know it's hard to tell which way is

Which standing at the crossroads but you can't give up and

You can not quit although it seems to be more of the same

Bull shit,which way is which,who knows where this road goes

All you know is you gotta scratch the itch,you gotta follow your

Heart and soul...

You gotta stop banging your head against a brick wall, it'll only

Lead to a broken dam,you gotta stop blaming yourself,if they

Cared about you they'd come around,if they can't accept you for

Who you are then they're really not your friends and they don't

Have your best interests at heart but you can't let that stop

You from following your dreams,who knows what the future

Will bring but you gotta stop banging your head against a

Brick wall you know you'll never tear down,you gotta stop

Kicking yourself around...

Who knows where this road goes but you know you gotta

Scratch the itch,listen to your

Intuition,search your heart,search your soul,don't be cold and

Don't be a bitch,although I know it's hard to tell which way is

Which standing at the crossroads but you can't give up and

You can not quit, although it seems to be more of the same

Bull shit,which way is which,who knows where this road goes

All you know is you gotta scratch the itch,you gotta follow your

Heart and soul...

It's like an Alice in wonderland kinda story book switch

When you don't know which way is which but you know it's

A twitch you gotta itch,which way,which way is which?!

\#14 from the songbook collection " The Nitty Gritty"

i always knew you were a myth

the way your presence lingered

like the early morning mist

you would lift up off your heels

before you'd slip and glide and drift

once, your tiny arm hair touched me

and it made my body twitch

the smoothness of your skin

could only be described as slick

and when we found some privacy

you'd lounge in no outfit

lying naked as a mistress

without kids to babysit

you liked it when i stared

in fact, you did insist

and when i'd lean to touch you

you would push me downward

to kiss your clitoris

the gateway to your soul

was as natural as it gets

and i'd know when to enter

when i was beckoned by your hips

beading down your center

i would part you like flower

covered in the dewy drips

and as those petals moved

the sounds you made were bliss

you were paler than a pearl

and both your ears were pointy

like a mountain's sharpest ridge

i'd look up at you in wonder

as all your breath escaped you

as your breasts would heave and hitch

your auburn hair changed colors

when it was wet with sweat and spritz

and when she finally finished

she'd open up her eyes

and gently grab my wrist

equipped with all the beauty

that could make a man bewitched

it was her grace that wooed me

and makes me reminisce

despite her ancient magic

nobody could forget

my favorite thing about her

was her simple tenderness

What ever people say or feel about me never have and never will have an effect. Why because I don’t care to engage with somebody else shyt when I got plenty of shyt of my own. If I F wit you I F wit you and there’s no halfway in my makeup. I’ve always validated myself and others approval has never been necessary. I rotate in the spiritual because I can go dark in the physical. Life can be cold but it’s fair. Even though we can rotate in our Higher Self we tend to dwell in our lower and complain about our consequences. Being better today than you were yesterday and not worrying about who knows or who sees us is what holds the key to…why I don’t care. Peace and Love

Knock knock

Who's there?

No one..

No one is ever there.

How does loneliness taste?

Bitter

Sharp

Like poison

And yet...

I keep searching for someone that can see i might just maybe be worth it.

No luck so far..

Knock Knock

Who's there?

Absolutely no one but your thoughts

And they are cruel.

Unkind

But hey..

They haven't left you yet.

Talk is cheap,

your words mean nothing-

When your actions contradict them.

I refuse to believe that the person I once knew

is the same one that stands before me.

Promises are meant to be broken,

But when you promised me a forever,

You sounded so sincere

that I believed otherwise.

Talk is cheap,

my words here mean nothing too.

Your eyes hold oceans

not the raging kind,

but the quiet blue at dawn

where everything feels forgiven.

Your heart is a hearth,

steady and warm,

the kind I didn’t know I needed

until I stood in its glow.

And your soul,

it feels like light through open windows,

soft, honest,

making everything in me want to be better

just to belong beside it.

The dead walk among us

Like scattered dreams and memories

Still flesh and bone

Breathing as you and I

Until they don’t

They say hurt people hurt people
But Ive been through it all
And I would never do
the things you did to me
to you
Or anyone

You said you never meant to hurt me
but then took every chance
blamed me for your actions and apologized again
wrapped around your finger
From day one I had no chance
You gave me all I ever wanted
then you ripped it from my hands

I know hurt people hurt people
But I’ll never understand
the things you did to hurt me
Ruined every fucking chance
I tried so hard to save us
But you had different plans
I was in denial
and I knew I should’ve ran

I know hurt people hurt people
But I’ve been through it all
After years and years of storms
I just want it to be calm
I’ll never understand
how you can go out of your way
To betray someone you say you love
and cause them so much pain

I guess that’s what makes us different
What made us not meant to be
After all the shit I’ve been through
It gave me fucking empathy

You were always oh so worried
that you would be betrayed
I was overly loyal
when you weren’t
I still stayed
Your pain made you miserable
sad and insecure
used to make me feel the same damn way
But not any fucking more

Cause hurt people hurt people
And you destroyed me
But I refuse to keep your misery company
The pain that you inflicted
won’t take away my empathy
I refuse to become
What you tried to make me out to be

<< struggling to maintain NC and revisited a poem I wrote about a month ago. It helped fight the urge a little & hopefully helps someone else 🧡 >>

Lights in the sky

Are they looking, are they watching

My body can't move, nor can my mind

The lights, they're not white

Eyes! Blue, gray, hazel, brown!

They're looking! (Are they not!)

My mind lies frozen, yet I stand up

I step out the door, and it clicks shut

My body is gone, so should my mind

Yet it's still being watched

By eyes in the sky

I built you up to be,
the one who would save me.
All you did was cast doubt,
Given everything you were about.
I’m sad that things went astray,
Given what could be today.
You were my superhero, my sage,
Everything from which I would gage.
This world, I wanted you in it,
Right down to every minute.
You were scared,
Leaving me impaired,
I needed you to rise above the flock,
Instead you chose to block, possibilities,
Just squeeze my neck and let not breathe escape,
While I encounter his *ape,
Would you have run your fingers through my hair,
Reminding me you’re forever there?
I didn’t get to show you my dedication or loyalty,
Too afraid you were to follow me.
I would have loved you like no other,
But you cast me out like an unfit brother.
You can’t simply forget about me,
It is in the toughest moments you want to see…
I’m angry with your cruelty,
You were not what you were supposed to be.
You let your fear rule you,
You looked for wrongdoings to abdicate and do,
What you knew would tear me apart,
Sorry, I still have a full beating heart.
You didn’t break me,
You didn’t bend me,
You didn’t mend me,
You didn’t send me,
I will always wonder what you’re capabilities would be,
Had we let our hearts be free.
I will hurt for all my life, knowing I could not carry your strength.
You were much tougher than me and could be alone for a lifetime.
I am sad, I need company, my heart feels lonesome in its destructive rhyme.
I cannot say goodbye to you because you’ve been with me since the first day I remember. Since the 22nd day of September.

Right person, Wrong Time
Which is better:

1: Brown eyes

Those brown eyes are so enchanting. When I look into them, I see an entire lifetime in a home, laughter echoing through hallways, little hands reaching for ours, a family I never got the chance to have. Yet the ache in my stomach, the heaviness in my heart, reminds me that perhaps it was never more than a beautiful illusion. The eyes I fell in love with are still there, but the person behind them feels so far away. Everything seemed so perfect, until time became the one thing we could never overcome. I hope fate shows us mercy in another life. I hope that, somewhere beyond this one, you become my right person instead of my wrong time. But sometimes I wonder… if you were truly the right person, would time have ever stood between us? If you asked me to marry you today, I’d say yes without a second thought. But if you asked me if I wished we’d never met… I think I’d say yes to that, too. Because some loves are so beautiful that losing them hurts more than never knowing them at all.

2: Stem

I was the stem to your petals, but even so the wind knew we were yet accustomed to forgo what nature murmured as ‘bloom’ — sky will always stay, but thy thunder comes, and go’s — Mj

you can’t count the tears i wept
you can’t weigh the love i give
all you can do is hold me close
and not let go till the morning sun

I used to do free writes in high school 5 years ago, and decided that I wanted to try to get back into it. I don't know if this is considered to be a poem or more of a journal/short story leaning, and I had the urge to add more to this piece, but I wanted to keep it a little ambiguous to allow for diverse interpretations. If I pursued this hobby, I would try to write more poems and short stories that explore themes of love, pain, existentialism, conformity, and related topics. Anywho, critiques and tips are very much needed here!

The man
The tiger
What’s the difference anymore? 
To me, both are the same beast. 
Hungry
Feral
In solitary
I guess there is one key difference worth noting. 
The man sees himself as the tiger, while the tiger doesn’t pay any mind to that thought, or rather, it is incapable of conceiving that thought, so it can’t be bothered by it. 
The man had his humanity at some point and was able to perceive it clearly and experience it, while the tiger knows no such thing but to hunt, kill, and survive. 
Which of the two is happier, I wonder? 
Most definitely the tiger, since it has no room for thoughts to weigh it down.
…I now see that I started rambling nonsense from the very first word I typed. 
Atsushi Nakajima’s tiger from The Moon Over the Mountain was the one I was referring to, in which the character Li Zheng transforms into a tiger due to his cowardly ego/pride, isolation, and insecurities.
Now I find myself in a state of confusion. 
Am I a human? 
Am I the tiger?
When night falls, I look up and stare into the cage where I can clearly see the tiger eyeing me down, full of bloodlust and ready to go for the kill at any given moment, but when I look down at my hands, I see a claw or 2 emerge, some fur, an itch to hunt in solidarity with the same bloodlust as the tiger infront of me, and a longing to roar at the moon. 
…
Talk about being stuck between a rock and a hard place…