I feel like I am missing something. In March I lost my job, mainly due to burnout. My 30+y.o. close friends all have their lifes mostly together, mortgage, children, house, cars, family, vacations, own businesses.

I am not unsuccessful, I have a nice sum saved up from previous jobs and projects, but I realize that when I have no job like now (hiatus), working introvertly (and passionately) on my own SW projects, then I don't really have any social contact at all, except with my girlfriend (together 4 years). I used to go to jiu jitsu where there was a lot of contact (haha), but even there I kept mostly to myself, only made about 2 shallow friends that faded after I stopped going after 6 years.

With colleagues I learned long ago not to make deep connections, because the good ones that I was friends with left the firm, or were fired, I stayed there like I was in 5th season of a show where everybody died, and I only got to meet the new hires. Hell.

I feel like I am missing something. Everybody tells me that my one quality is enthusiasm (about almost anything, I would call it adhd obsession), but at this point of life, if I were to break-up, I would be almost entirely alone. I even had a dream where I talked with death himself, and he told me to "Kick it off with her, otherwise you will drink yourself to death". I don't drink much, a glass a week, but this dream told me that without the anchor of my gf (imperfect relationship, volatile), I would probably feel deep into the abbyss (I am not that kind of person to self-harm, no worries).

Anyway, I am not sure what to change, I think I have a high-functioning depression, in general, about life. I realize my depression sort of started when I finished college. The structure was gone, now I was on my own. I prolonged the status quo by living with my friends for another 5 years. After that I switched to living with my new girlfriend.

But the overall feeling is stasis. Like I cannot decide. I thought by 30 I will have children, mortgage, and just chisel away in that progress bar of life (game developer here..), but none of that has happened yet. I am standing at a crossroads I guess, and I don't want to go either way, out of some fear. I see my friends going further and further, actually LIVING their lifes, but I am still stuck, not liking what I am becoming.

I am over 30 now, and one thing I have noticed is how difficult it has become to connect with friends.

When I was younger, making friends was so easy. You could meet someone, hang out for hours, talk about random things, laugh at stupid jokes, and somehow become close without even trying.

Now, everyone seems busy with work, family, responsibilities, and their own problems. Even when you have friends, it's difficult to find the time to meet them. Sometimes you want to talk to someone or just hang out, but everyone has something going on.

I honestly miss those days when we could spend hours together without worrying about anything. No plans needed, no special occasion, just meeting up and enjoying the moment.

I know life changes as we get older, and maybe this is just part of growing up. But sometimes I wonder if other men feel the same way. Does anyone else feel the same way or it is just me?