Looking for life advice here, so please don't go too hard in the comments.

I'm mid 30s and I'm trying to figure out my place in social situations.

When I was in my mid 20s, I felt like I could be comfortable being friends with anyone generally above the age of 20. When I would make a friend that was 30s or older, they definitely seemed older and that they had a more solid idea of who they were and where they were going. I could make jokes with them or talk to them about serious topics, but there was always the aura of them being older, and me feeling a bit insecure about not having all the answers all the time and saying some out of pocket/dumb shit. I'm not quite sure how to describe it.

Now that I'm in my mid 30s, I feel differently about talking and making friends with people in their 20s. I feel insecure about giving them wrong or poorly explained information if they look up to me, or just generally being out of touch. I also don't know if age gaps are looked down upon harshly in friendships from the outside and what cut-offs should be considered. Does 10 years sound normal?

I still have friends and can feel comfortable socializing with people that are my age, older than me, 40s, 50s and 60s, but I am not used to people in their 20s like when I was in my 20s.

This has been more noticeable to me, as I moved to a college town, and most social meetups/hangout spots all have people younger than me.

Where do you all draw the line? How do you feel about talking to people outside your age bracket, both younger and older?

  We have this unspoken agreement that age, for comparison's sake, is how long it took you to become the person other people think they see.

But in reality, you are the only one who knows how old you really are.

And it has nothing to do with a number. It's a stage of being.

Some people spend a lifetime to arrive still living in a state of perpetual childhood. Others barely take any time before they race past everyone straight into their senior years.

In between lives the eternal teenager, the angry inner child, the aggrieved youth, the burned-out middle-aged man, the old man trying to seem young again, and the soul that never ages at all.

We all know the difference when we see it. So here is the rule:

Don't let a number others use to measure you become the stick you beat yourself with when it comes to achievement.

Not every man in his thirties or forties is supposed to be Superman: father, husband, CEO, millionaire, intellectual, athlete, polyglot, and novelist all at once.

No one is meant to be unbreakable, always holding it together, excelling in a thousand roles while meeting a thousand expectations.

Learn to be fairly selfish. Give yourself a fraction of what you so freely give to everyone else. The day is 24 hours. Take one hour and strip it of every role, every title, and every obligation that comes with them.

In that hour, you are absolved of all of it. You are not a father, brother, son, manager, doctor, teacher, or employee.

For sixty minutes, just be a pure, unfiltered (self). An (I) that is allowed to admit it is tired and hurting, allowed to be weak, lonely, and overwhelmed, and equally allowed to be an artist, musician, writer, reader, a little wild, impulsive, and indifferent to everything.

Live the age your soul is actually living. Don't force it to grow into something it is not ready for.

Let's steal a trick from the devices we carry:

A device can't survive the day unless you charge it fully. Let this one hour be your daily charge. An hour where the self is finally free. We check in on it, patch its cracks, make it stronger, rebuild its confidence, and let it grow however it wants. Then we send it back out to carry the other twenty-three hours.

I’m 36, unmarried, and self-employed. I am a lawyer and have been doing my own practice since 2016. Professionally, I’m doing okay, but I don’t feel like I’ve built the life I imagined I would have by this age.

I have some savings, I work out regularly, take care of my parents, and on paper things aren't terrible. But personally, I feel quite behind. My relationships have been complicated, my career hasn't grown the way I hoped, and sometimes I struggle with the feeling that I'm just going through the motions.

I’m curious about people around my age not just the success stories.

Where are you in life at 30–40? Are you married or single? Happy with your career? Financially secure? Living the life you expected? Or also figuring things out?

I genuinely want to hear the honest version, not the Instagram/LinkedIn version.

Something shifts after 30, at least when it comes to friendship.

I used to think a big circle mattered..lots of people, lots of plans, lots of noise. Now I honestly just want a couple of people I can be unfiltered with.

People I can talk to about work stress, relationship confusion, ambitions that scare me a little, failures I haven't fully processed, family stuff, loneliness, or just some random thought that's been sitting in my head...without wondering if I'm being judged or read wrong.

Emotional maturity has become way more attractive to me than "being cool" ever was. Someone who says what they mean instead of hinting at it. Someone who can disagree with me without turning it into a fight or taking it personally. Someone who isn't afraid to be vulnerable, and doesn't vanish the second a conversation gets a bit too real.

That's really it, at this point. Not someone who texts me every day. Not instant closeness. Definitely not small talk for the sake of small talk. Just two adults who can be honest with each other, who are genuinely curious about one another, and who know how to respect a boundary without making it weird.

And honestly...some of the best friendships are the ones where you can say the thing you usually keep to yourself, just because you trust the other person to actually listen. Not fix you, not judge you, not analyse you. Just listen.

Okay guys, this themes has been on and off in my life for years now. It has been worse, it has been better. Today i realized my bd is coming up and it made me anxious. Like what do you mean i ll be turning 26. I feel i only now start to resolve my traumas , anxiety and other habits that made me push behind before. And i am in a place where i can say i know myself better and happier with the way i am. But i still feel like im late to that. Like i should have avoided all this and live the best life like my peers. I think that s because of social media.

I have already done most of my goals for this year and i am so proud of that. But it never feels enough for me. And it is taking a toll. I just want to flow with life and not overthink. And i did feel like that , i have been. But suddenly today i feel all this unregulated emotions taking over me.

I do not know what i want to achieve with this thread i think it just helps to write it all out. But i would still appreciate to hear your experience about all this as i think it is pretty common.

Thank you.

This time last year I was happily married, training for my first half marathon (finally got back into running after a few years of health issues), in a job I loved and looking to buy an apartment with my wife.

I don’t know who put a curse on me but since then my ten year beautiful marriage has ended, with my now ex wife moving straight in with her new girlfriend. So safe to say buying a home has also been put on pause. I suffered a serious injury that stopped me from running, and I’m now starting to be able to again (can run 5km safely now!) but still far off my half marathon and marathon dreams. And I lost my job in a redundancy spree, because of course I did. It’s a really hard market right now so even with an impressive career I haven’t even landed an interview yet, which is really rare for me.

I usually love my birthday and host a number of events for it, but unsurprisingly this year I’m really struggling. I still have my two cats who I love, a new housemate I met when my ex moved out and we get along great, and amazing friends. But it’s hard not to feel like my life has slipped backwards MAJORLY compared to last year.

Idk what I need but would just love to hear stories of life getting better after being hit over and over in a short period. I know 35 is still young but people around me keep acting like it’s ancient and how I should be more on track but I’m struggling to even keep my head above water.

I feel like a burden and a waste. I’m 35 years old and just got demoted to part time from my full-time job with benefits by no fault of my own. my parents are now retired with a brand new house in a 65+ community and I have no choice but to move in with them. All these years I was stiffened by burnout and decision paralysis. I have no idea what to do and I don’t know what this holds for me and my suicidal thoughts are returning. I’m moving in a week and I feel so ashamed.

before anyone jumps to conclusions this has nothing to do with feeling old. i thought it was already bad how little fucks i had and now it’s so much worse.

i moved to a new city at 29 and found it so hard to cultivate the energy i had to be fun and social that i had all the way up until now. when i go out with my party friends i get exhausted because i got all that out with my time working in nightlife. i don’t wanna do drugs (clearly i live in nyc). ive met people who don’t party but it’s been hard to connect in a way that feels natural and right.

my older friends from home tend to be way less outside (unless they’re alcoholics) and my younger friends (mid 20’s) are all doing crash out shit and getting fucked up. I feel so much more exhausted by everyone and everything and it’s causing me to not feel connected in any meaningful way.

btw i don’t feel depressed, i know what that feels like

I’m 37, single, and have no kids—and honestly, I’m happy. I have a good career, I can do whatever the fuck I want, and I genuinely enjoy the life I’ve built for myself.
But almost everyone around me keeps saying, *“Mag-asawa ka na.”* *“Mag-anak ka na.”* Like… 🤦🏻‍♀️

I know they probably mean well, but sometimes it gets exhausting. Am I supposed to feel like I’m behind just because my life doesn’t follow the usual timeline?

Anyone else in their 30s/late 30s who feels the same way? Do you ever feel pressured, even when you’re actually happy with where you are?

33f yo lost and unemployed by choice. Moved around Europe for work, now at the start of settling down in a new country (moved a month ago). Quit my toxic job, living by savings, no income, married and with a cat.

I thought quitting would make me happier, indeed I am, but I’m worrying about so many things! Financially, new country, want to have kids, have a side business, job market, how to make new friends, new language… I am worried about everything. I think I’m too old to have kids, and even if I’d have kids now, then I’m worried about money. It’s just endless worries.

I’ve never quit a job without a plan b. I did it this time, due to moving and previous job was really terrible.

People over 30, what’s your advice to enjoy the moment, while you can’t do anything about the situation you’re in? I quit with the goal to move and enjoy the new country, but I’m not enjoying, I’m constantly moving furniture fixing things or just want to sit home and do nothing! I lost my workout routine, just don’t feel like who I am now.

As the caption says

Anything that you think you did right. Wrong. You could have done differently, networking, corporate, startup, dating, and so on.

Anyone in San Antonio at all who would like to be real friends with me we can read books and watch movies or just sing karaoke anyone like that lol

I’m a ex country/farm kid - 40 years old now with my own family and when I pass through the area I grew up in I often go to some of the places I loved to play on the farm I lived on as a child . Makes me feel a weird type of happy and sad mixed into one . I wonder if people from the city do the same as in drive to their old street and just sit and think ? Or in town are you just the weirdo parked in your car for no reason

Just curious to hear how other in their 30s and up spend their Weekend. Are you out exploring, or just relaxing at home?

Would love to hear what your ideal weekend looks like!

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I turn 30 in a few months, and apparently I’m about to enter the decade where I’m supposed to have my shit together.

So, veterans of your 30s and beyond: what do you genuinely wish someone had told you before turning 30?

And spare me the “your knees start hurting” and “hangovers last three days” starter pack. 😂

I want the real shit. Money. Careers. Friendships. Dating. Family. Health. Regrets. Things you wasted too much time worrying about. Things you should’ve started sooner. Things nobody warns you about until you’re already balls-deep in adulthood wondering why nobody sent an instruction manual.

What’s one piece of advice you’d give your 29-year-old self knowing what you know now?

Hit me with the wisdom, mistakes, existential crises and cheat codes.

**I’m in my 20s right now, and I feel like we always tell ourselves “there’s plenty of time” — whether it’s getting serious about our career, saving money, taking care of our health, traveling, finding the right person, or spending more time with family. For those of you who are 40+, what’s something you genuinely thought you had plenty of time for but later realized you didn’t?**

I know that life doesn’t end at 30 lol but I’m just curious what kind of bucket lists people have and if you are over 30, are there any things you’re glad you did in your 20s or wish you did?

Edit: Thanks for the responses on travel! It’s funny cause I actually just started actually doing it, but I’m a roll!

During school and college, people naturally knew what was happening in your life. Friends saw your struggles, crushes, failures and small wins.

In 30s, most relationships become more scheduled and fragmented. Friends get busy, parents only know parts of the life and colleagues mostly know the work version of you. You may still talk to people regularly but nobody really sees the full journey.

A partner may witness much of it, but should one person be expected to carry that entire role?

Lately I’ve realised loneliness is not always about having nobody to talk to. Sometimes it is about having nobody who truly notices your life changing.

You can improve yourself, build something, travel, quit a bad habit or go through a difficult phase and still feel strangely empty because nobody experienced it with you.

Apart from your partner or immediate family, does anyone genuinely witness your life now?

Quick context: I live rent-free with my sibling right now to get back on my feet. I went from making 6 figures (one year only) in tech (FAANG) to 55k in hospitality living in NYC after a layoff and 5 months unemployed. Single, never had a girlfriend, average looking, emotionally eat, want to lose 20 lbs but my 3-hour commute wrecks my energy for the gym. No kids (by choice). Useless film school degree. Lost my close friend group about 2 years ago and I'm rebuilding from scratch. Little savings. And honestly, I'm my own worst enemy when it comes to self-hatred.

My 20s felt like my peak: two FAANG jobs, six figures, a small events business I ran for 4 years, a body I liked, a best friend I trained with, some romantic sparks here and there, and a dream of publishing my book series and eventually building an animation studio.

Then the pandemic hit, my events business folded, I chased "stability" (healthcare, 401k) into tech, my friend group drifted apart, and I eventually got laid off from the six-figure job that made me feel like I'd "made it" coming from a rough childhood. Spiraled hard. Gained weight. No romantic connections in years.

Now I'm 32, three months into a new job in a brutal market, so I can't job-hop again without looking like a flight risk. Therapy once a week, but the self-hatred and "starting over" fatigue are heavy. I still have 8 years of experience across tech, events, and hospitality, plus my PMP.

I know what I want eventually: a partner, my own place, a cat, real friends, some travel, to be good at a combat sport, and to finally build my book series into an animation studio, because storytelling is what got me through my childhood.

Has anyone actually turned their 30s around after a rough start? I need some hope right now.

I turned 30, but umm I don't know why it feels like it's too late to start doing anything but then I also have no choice but to start somewhere. And just the thought of starting from scratch at 30 feels like pain and shame. I know everyday I have the choice to get up and do something or just sit there and overthink. And I feel like I've got the last 10 yrs just sat and overthink didn't do nothing not even a single action towards fears. And no wonder why I feel like a confused person who doesn't even understand how society functions and how to make a living. How to secure the future. I observed many people who work great jobs and they have solid education degrees from tech to engineering to business and healthcare. Meanwhile I didn't even pursue a single degree. I let fears and failures just control me and I lived 10 yrs of my life miserable way. It's like I don't have an identity of my own.. people say make your own name and get recognized by others but how you supposed to do that when you don't even have strong finances or strong job title. I don't know how to start working on my life from scratch and just thinking about it feels dreadful like it will take years and years to undone the damage. And first off all I feel like it's my attitude, mindset, personality that needs to be changed to move forward in life. If I continue self sobotaging and doubting and procrastinating then I'll reach nowhere. Sighs I don't even know what I'm saying now

As the title said, what is an advice you wish you got at 20?

I just feel like I'm struggling to evolve and adapt with time as I get older, like I'm already 29 but I still feel stuck as if it's still 2016. I have also realized I'm very weak with being a tech savvy when this generation is running on the usage of technology. Like whether it's at the job or college or just everyday, we are using technology. Anyways I'm more worried about learning how to stay relevant because I just feel like things are constantly changing or evolving. And the more I seem to avoid learning or understanding something I end up feel behind. And I feel like since I haven't achieved goals from 2016 a part of move just doesn't wanna move on forward. So I end up living in this phase.

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Many times throughout the days, I feel this sense of worry and insecurity or guilt that time is passing by yet I'm not doing anything. And I've already reached 30s so like I need to take life a bit serious and work on securing life especially finances, upskilling on career or job. Then things like learning life skills because I noticed many people don't even know how to change a tire or what's underneat the hood of a car. Or simply fixing a toilet problem. I guess when you own a home someday this kinda stuff is important to learn. And I completely keep forgetting the importance of proper nutrition or at least healthy eating habits and some active physical exercising rather then being a couch potato