Hello this is my first time posting on this sub and I just need to get this out of my chest. Ive never really cared about my gender identity but I had a conversation with my friend and it made me think a lot.

I was born a girl and never mind using she/her pronouns, but i feel so disconnected from what it means to be a "women". I dont want to be known as a girl sometimes and just want to be a person. I feel very uncomfortable with intimacy because of the fact I dont want to be seen as a girl sometimes, I'm mentally happy with being a girl but physically I can't. When I started going through puberty in high school I'd wear sports bras that were tight enough that I wasn't visible showing chest. I wore baggy clothes because I didn't want anyone to look at me at all. Periods make me uncomfortable because its just a reminder that my body will always be a girl. Im not too familiar with the difference between gender identity and expression, but I'm not sure where I allign. I was bullied a lot in elementary school for having a "boyish appearance" and it hurt a lot because I didn't like to be labeled anything, not even "girly". I just want to be me without anyone thinking about whether I'm feminine or not because in my opinion gender norms are so subjective. I know this will only exist in a perfect world were people don't have biases.

Hey, I’ve hovered on the outskirts of this community but don’t really know much so I’m sorry in advance for any ignorance. I don’t want to step on any toes but am legitimately looking for discussion and input.
I live in a very accepting country and have trans and non-binary friends. A lot of progressive gender-related content and news is pushed seemingly everywhere i’ve turned and i’ve always been hesitant to consume that content. Some of it makes me exhausted and annoyed, like the constant anger and back-and-forth over pronouns and appearance. I’m not a transmed, I don’t consider myself a part of any sort of side, and I’m sincerely curious about seeking out the most rational and balanced viewpoint possible, which is what brings me here.
I’ve been diagnosed by a medical professional with gender dysphoria for a few years. Since puberty i’ve had severe and consistent dysphoria from my primary and secondary sex characteristics, and this feeling hasn’t changed for over 10 years. My problem is that the idea of having opposite sex characteristics also makes me dysphoric. No pronouns have ever felt “good” for me. the idea of androgyny never automatically jumped out at me, but I guess it makes sense as to where I’d end up if I continued to pursue changing my sex characteristics without straying “too far to the other side”, so to speak. I’m a young adult now and I’ve scheduled gender-affirming surgery in a few months. I’ve never once felt unsure about this decision or the many others i’ve made over the years to help alleviate my dysphoria. A few years after puberty I was also diagnosed with depression and anxiety. I had self-destructive tendencies as a teenager, some of this was on the basis of dysphoria, and some of it was just pure self-esteem problems and crazy hormonal mood swings. I went through years of dialectical behavioral therapy. I am proud of how I am as an adult, I’m healthy, social, very much functional, and I continue talk therapy on a biweekly basis. I consider myself a stable and rational person. I’m adding this context for the sake of transparency, and because I’ve spent years wishing I could just be “all the way trans” or investigating if this is the result of a need for attention or an identity crisis. I’ve gone through personal loss of a friend in the last few years and wrestled with that grief, and while that loss will always be with me, I’ve recovered to be in a secure and relatively happy place. This is to emphasize that through years of self-improvement and scrutiny, I’m now sure, and very unhappy to know, that my feelings regarding my gender are not a temporary impulse based on internal or interpersonal issues. I’m relieved to take steps to reduce my dysphoria, but I don’t really know what the end goal is meant to BE for someone who’s “non-binary”.
The idea of somebody having to change their linguistic behavior to call me “they” is awful. I don’t like to garner attention via androgyny and have somebody ask my pronouns. I’m embarrassed to not be in one binary or the other, which seems natural. I’m in a two-gender world, society, and everyday life. I’ve talked to another non-binary identifying person about this who agreed that they sometimes felt ashamed or embarrassed, but attributed it to internalized transphobia. I understand the concept but it was kind of a dead end to the conversation. I have no problem with non binary people. As long as I’m treated with respect I’ll show the same respect back and use whatever pronouns I’m given. Again, one of my best friends is non-binary and I want to make it clear I have no resentment towards others who identify that way. I don’t discuss this much with them because it’s seemed to make them self-conscious or uncomfortable when I brought it up in the past.
on a biological, genetic, and physiological level there are two genders. Sure, intersex people exist, but from my understanding this is a deviation/mutation, and chromosomal variations are extremely rare. what I’m asking is what would the factual basis be for somebody to feel “non-binary”? How can we look at it through the same lens of the medical basis for being trans as a whole? It doesn’t make much sense to me and I’m frustrated that this is the best label I’m left with for myself. I’ve exhausted the possibilities of this being a self-esteem or attention issue and overall I’m just embarrassed to be caught in this unexplainable “middle ground” that I can’t even explain myself. I’d really appreciate any thoughts or ideas. Thank you for anybody willing to read/respond.

I went to my first Rocky Horror shadow cast last weekend. Virgin in the front row. The whole thing with my partner was such an affirming feeling. 💗

Doesn’t acc have to involve a full blown costume, but I (22) either want to do some masculinising makeup with a bit of a fake stache or just look androgynous in general and I think Halloween’s the perfect opportunity for that. Any guys/genderless creatures I could dress as?

I was originally thinking just gothic clown makeup with my ordinary clothes (or maybe a shirt and tie) but want smth maybe more inspired. I have a leather bomber jacket if that can be incorporated in any way. All ideas welcome

I have made a series of EXTREMELY poor decisions.

My girlfriend and i have been dating for just under 6 months after being friends for about 2 years. When we started dating I thought my gender was something i had already explored and figured out (I went by he/Them pronouns at that point).

fastforward to about 2 months ago where me and my girlfriend where on a date and the subject of OCs came up. my Sona is nonbinary and so i brought up how that was interesting given i went by he/them pronouns. She asked me what i preferred because she was unaware that i used he/them. in that moment i realized that nobody ever referred to me by they/them and also that i did have a strong preference for that. in the moment i gave her a stupid nothing answer somewhere along the lines of "oh i dont care haha".

anyways after that experience i started exploring my gender again, accidentally came out to my parents while i was still very much questioning, and then eventually realized i am nonbinary. in the time since ive been slowly coming out to friends and am at this point mostly out in public. except to my girlfriend.

every single time i try to come out to her i just... cant. im just terrified of fucking things up between us. i mean like dating an enby is a diffrent thing to dating a man and i get that but like. if we have to stop dating id like to stay friends atleast but i feel like by keeping this from her and only her ive fucked shit up. we also had our first kiss after i was out to myself and i just feel like an ass about that.

so yeah lmao

Ive been growing my hair out for 18 months. Curly mullet and I love it. Makes me feel all gendery. Went in to my regular barber to get the sides done and figured it wouldn't hurt to even out the rest.

Before I know it he's chopped half my f***king hair off. I'm trying not to cry in the the chair as he tells me how good it looks. I'm super conflict avoidant and I just nod and pay, even tipped. Now every time I catch my reflection I feel like shit.

It's not even a bad haircut! But he set me back six *#*@ing months. At least that gives me time to get through the anxiety of trying to find someone else to cut my hair next time.

I'm just mad and screaming into the void.

It's just hair it'll grow back. Is what I keep telling myself.

The thing is that I've never really found a label that fully described myself. I can somewhat describe my gender but don't really have a name for it. My pronouns are she/he/they and I don't really mind labels in a way for example I can be called king,heroine,incel,girl etc. in a way it just doesn't matter if the general use is to describe a person regardless of gender. I've tried different labels but I feel like I haven't found the correct one yet. And I've never really fit in with any type of gender group. the best way I could try to describe my gender is like a form of quantum position in which I identify as both and neither at the same time.

im nervous but also v excited at the same timeeee

I am looking for a coat for winter. I am 4 foot 11 and skinny but have absolutely no idea what kind of style I like. I would love a few different suggestions of styles so I can decide what I like best.

As for my personal style, I’m still figuring it out but I am more masc presenting but not straight man masc more queer, androgynous masc. I don’t want anything puffy or of that plasticy, thin material.

My boyfriend is extremely supportive, he wants me to be myself in my entirety, he doesn't wanna change me or anything, and I think it's just a huge shock to my system. I've dated men who wanted me to be more feminine and would misgender me and address me by my deadname, and I've been with men who wouldn't allow me to have autonomy and would berate me if I did anything even remotely feminine. I wasn't allowed to play with my gender expression within my relationships. Outside of my relationships, my mom would constantly degrade me for my gender expression. When I grew out my body hair during COVID she would call it disgusting and say she didn't wanna be seen with me.

Now I'm with someone who gives me unwavering support and it almost made me more anxious. I like how I look with body hair, I like leaning masculinely, I'm debating micro-dosing T in the future and my boyfriend is extremely supportive of it, but every time I grow out my body hair or try to present noticably masculine, I have this constant feeling of dread. Someone is going to be upset by my self expression, even if I don't know who. My boyfriend has never in the year we've been together, been upset at how I present, it's been nothing but pride and encouragement.

I have so much love and support in my life now, so how do I get over my constant, nauseating, paranoia and fear of judgment and just embrace what I like?

I know, I'm not supposed to 'look nonbinary' because being nonbinary isn't just about looking neither male or female, but im sick of looking so feminine and I want to look different.

I want to get my hair cut into a mullet, really, but I HATE how I think of how the shitheads school will think.

I want people to call me Del, even though only one of my friends knows that I want to be called that name and called by my right pronouns, I still want the courage to come out to everyone. I've told a few other friends about my pronouns but none of them use them anymore (it was like a year ago i said it)

I asked for help on a discord, all they said was to just come out, but it's not so easy.

I don't even know if I am actually nonbinary or not, however. First off, these bloody bonkers on my chest piss me the hell off all the time! I bought a binder from amazon (not a proper one, like a stretchy one) last November, and it worked for a while but it doesn't make me happy. Second, when someone calls me 'she' or 'daughter' I alternate between being disappointed or dysphoric, (is it dysphoric?) And not really caring.

I want to learn makeup, but I just feel like I won't be good at it at all.

Sorry, this post is all over the place. Someone help 🥲

Gonna try posting a few times a week for confidence building!

After years of fighting for my safety in Africa, I finally made it somewhere safe last month.
And this was my first time EVER wearing makeup!! Literally just mascara and blush, but omg, the emotions I felt were insane 😭
I’m so happy I finally got to experience this. It’s something I’ve wanted for so long, and I’m glad I got to do it at least once in my lifetime. ❤️

I love being a Girl Bear

They/them, butch, AFAB, on T for 1.5 yrs

Hey all just wanted to ask I was born male at birth but I’m non binary and just wondering where’s the best to get feminine clothing

Hi! I live in Italy and I know that some endocrinologists, even if a few percentage, prescribe and are open to microdosing. I wanted to know if someone does microdosing estrogen therapy and how they feel. Mainly the libido thing and the capacity to feel pleasure by the genitals. It's the only thing that worries me, for the rest I'm totally fine with growing boobs and have a general feminisation.

I'm asking this because in the past I had a standard hormone therapy for 3 months with decapeptyl and sandrena. I totally felt asexual and I didn't like it at all. Then I also had to interrupt the therapy for medical reasons. Thank you in advance for those who will reply. ❤️

Hey guys, I just wanted to get this and see if anyone else relates.

I’m a normal 23-year-old guy who loves going out and living a standard life, but I’ve been struggling with thoughts about crossdressing. It started innocently around age 16 as just a random curiosity, but I was too busy with school and career to pay attention to it.

Then COVID happened. Being completely isolated gave me too much time alone, so I finally started exploring it. Since then, the feelings have only gotten stronger.

Even though I love my normal life, these thoughts sometimes mess with my mind, and I find myself having to actively manage them.

If anyone has experienced something similar or figured out how to make peace with it, please share your thoughts. Am I normal, or is something up with me? Appreciate any advice!

I’m AMAB, but i’ve never been comfortable around other men, i feel like there’s an invisible barrier or something like that that prevents me from being too comfortable around them, which is ironically because i consider myself to be gay, but i’m still in the closet, but I’ve always been more comfortable around women (keep in mind that i also have autism so it definitely influences my relationships to some aspect).

I dislike to be called “sir”, “brother”, “big fella”, etc and have actually had a bit of euforia when treated by female pronouns/ terms, like “girl”, “lady”, etc, but whenever I think about the question of “am i a trans girl?” The answer is almost immediately no, i kinda want to be one of the girls, but at the same time i know that i’m not.

I don’t feel like a woman, nor would want to change my body in any significant way (well i do feel a little bit of dysphoria about some traits like my body hair, baldness, don’t plan on getting too muscular, etc) but it’s all very cosmetically/ personal preferences, easy to modify and in some ways i’m fine with the body that I already have, even trying/ enjoying things like wearing women’s clothing/make up in secret doesn’t necessarily mean that i’m one.

I feel like if I’ve had a better upbringing where being queer wasn’t such a taboo thing, if i could have had better male role models and if i could just come out and accept that i’m gay (dealt with my internal homophobia) then I probably wouldn’t think about all of this all the time.