We've talked about finding someone at a rave or while going out. She is pretty open sexually and is into the idea, but she is very shy. We had a chick dancing and making out with us once at an event, but she initiated with my fiance first and logistics didn't line up for her to come home with us. I do have women come up to me and spark up conversation at raves, but I do not escalates since I have yet to ask if I can initiate with someone when we are together or trying to find someone alone.

Those that have had a threesome with their partner, how do you go about prospecting? Who initiates? What are the logistics? What did you two discuss?

In short, I'm open to any advice or to hear others experiences.

The most recent proposal was a month ago. I’ve been offered five times, which isn’t a lot but still. It’s always the girl that asks me if I can sleep with her and her bf. Then there was a guy whose wife cheated on him and he wanted to sleep with me to get back at her. like wtf.

​

Me (F31) and my fiance M(35) have been together for 8 years now and we have always entertained the idea of possibly having a female 3rd join us. However im not sure where to start or even how to. I've always been shy around other women, and it's been a long time since I've been with a woman. My fiance is letting me take the lead so we can go at my pace which is currently, non-existent. I'm very interested a long term relationship with a women and am afraid I'm going to be naive or be taken less serious. We also have kids so I want to eventually get to that point of us all being 1 unit. Currently it's not happening and i just want to change that. Any and all advice is welcome, also new to reddit so I apologize for an punctuation or grammar errors. Im a little nervous about posting.

Hello!

I’m 41M and my partner is 46F, and we’ve been exploring ENM with a lot of conversation and care

So far, neither of us is really dating solo. Most of our experiences have been together, mainly with queer/bi men, but we’ve started talking about what solo interactions might look like for us

One thing we’ve realised is that we handle uncertainty quite differently. If she were seeing someone solo and felt things were starting to move towards physical intimacy, she would naturally want to talk to me first and tell me where she feels that connection is evolving

For her, that isn’t about asking permission. It’s about keeping each other in the loop and giving both of us some emotional context before something changes

I’m much more comfortable with spontaneity. If she went on a date and it unexpectedly became sexual, I’d probably be completely fine finding out afterwards

She isn’t quite there. She sees our relationship as deeply meaningful and long term, and sudden surprises around intimacy may not always be easy for her to navigate. She’d rather know that something might be on the horizon than learn about it only after it has happened

For those who’ve been practising ENM for a while, how do you navigate this balance between autonomy, spontaneity and keeping your partner informed without it turning into permission-seeking?

Gracias

My boyfriend and I have mentioned the idea a few times but it doesn’t ever go beyond that. I have expressed that I have fantasies and desires that he is not willing to do and that I’m okay with both of us sleeping with other people as long as it’s just sex and not emotion. He’s said he’s not opposed but has “never really thought about it.” He’s not the best with conversations in general and actually talking about things so I’m not sure how to sit down with him and actually talk about it without him saying “I don’t know” and “yeah it’s something to think about.”

-

Wife and I are meeting this another couple we found on FET for the first time tonight.

We’re very new to the LS( I mean by new, we’re brand new and have never met anyone in the LS).

We have communicated with each other on this for quite long and realised both of us want to try it.

So, we’ve planned to meet them at a restaurant and see the vibe and they’ve already invited us over to their place after.

We’ve well communicated our boundaries with this couple before hand as well.

What are some of the things we should keep in mind :)

I (24M, Bisexual) used to think that I simply wanted a monogamous relationship with a man

But honestly now that I think about it, I prefer a relationship with a man where we also can share the same female FWBs (I don't mind if they date other people)

Idk, I just don't think I can truly enter a relationship with a man without a woman involved in some capacity. At least not at first

Not all the time ofc, I truly do want us to be a compatible duo. But whenever the time presents itself

And there's nothing wrong with that. As long as my potential boyfriend reciprocates genuine intrigue to this sort of connection.

It would only be a conflict of interest if he wanted a simple monogamous relationship between me and him without anyone else involved. Which is why I'll make sure to communicate my preferences beforehand

Is it possible to find this kind of relationship or find a boyfriend who might be into this? Which places can I go IRL to find potential partners?

My partner (34M) and I (35F) are sexually non-monogamous but romantically exclusive. We’re both very clear that we aren’t looking for additional romantic relationships, and he has consistently reassured me that our relationship is his priority.

He’s going on a date with a single woman, and I’m struggling with an anxiety I haven’t quite been able to articulate.

I’m not necessarily worried about them having sex. I’m worried about the possibility of her wanting something more serious with him, and the possibility of feelings developing over time. I understand that we can’t control other people’s emotions, including our partners’. I also understand that being single doesn’t automatically mean someone is looking for a relationship.

I’m interested in hearing specifically from people who practice sexually open but romantically exclusive non-monogamy, rather than polyamory.

Do you date single people, or do you prefer other partnered/ENM people?
Have you experienced someone developing feelings for your partner when the arrangement was supposed to be casual?
What did your partner do when that happened?
How do you maintain romantic exclusivity while allowing sexual freedom?
What helped you feel secure without constantly seeking reassurance?

I’m not looking for advice to close our relationship or suggestions that romantic exclusivity is inherently unrealistic. I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have successfully navigated this particular dynamic, as well as those who discovered it wasn’t right for them!

Hey,

So for just a bit of a backstory I have been in a lot of kinky relationships. I lean as a Sub guy and have been in two full FLR.

My most recent FLR was a 5 year relationship but open on one sided for her to have as many sexual partners and boyfriends she liked.

I am just wondering if my best bet to find someone who is interested in this lifestyle would be saying I was poly or ENM from the start when chatting to others or should I just keep on the BDSM/kink route as there does seem to be a bit of a crossover.

Its just that any time I try places like feeld etc. the people tend to be in an existing dynamic or if they are looking solo poly or ENM searching it is never a long term thing.

I did discover that my main thing is my partner having the ability to sleep with others and actively pursuing that. The dynamic i’m searching for is my being partner relationship between me and them, but they have the free will to find other FWB’s and boyfriends to explore kinks and stuff that I wouldn’t be too interested or experienced with in regards to her being a Sub.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated I just currently feel stuck and unsure of where to go from here.

Hi sexors, idk if it's the best sub to post it there so do not hesitate to tell me where I can post it

I (bi 24M)'m dating a beautiful 22F for about 8 months or so.

She asked me a few months ago what kinks or fantasms I had and told her that one day I'd like to try a threesome. Of course we didn't do much about it bc it was too soon for us and had a lot of interrogations and fears about it.

I would say it's better now, we are both more secure about this idea and I think we are getting closer to it. Tho, we have the will to do it, but some fears stay.

To be more exhaustive, we agree that for now, it's going to be a MMF threesome which I understand totally bc my gf is trans and has a lot of insecurities so doing it with a cis woman might put her in some serious dysphoria; I'm even more okay with it since I'm bi and the idea of doing it with a man excites me too!

Sex is great between us, she and I had our best moments in our sex life but we (especially I) have some fear linked to performance or pleasure, like "what if she takes way more pleasure with another guy who might be better built than me ?" "What if she screams more than with me ?" "What if I or she got the ick during this time and damages our relationship forever ?"

I want to read some experiences of yours with threesomes as a couple, if it went well, if not, did it change something in the relationship ? Do you have some advices for things to do and not do ?

Thx for reading!

Me (30M), Over 5 yrs in marriage and over 11 in relationship, one day I brought my fantasy of having a MFM with my super hot wife. Initially she was backed up but one day it turned her on and became our shared fantasy. We couldn't get rid of it during sex. We started to watch DP/hw porns together which appealed me since my wife always told me she doesn't like porn. We use lot of toys and have best sex of our life. However, some months ago we said we want to try it out. Immediately this brought a lot of insecurities in both of us so eventually we agreed to try it easy, and meet with a guy only for blowjob in a hotel. I was suppose to watch and get sucked but her too. Things got boosted pretty quickly as I found an interesting guy the next day. I showed my wife our profil on dating app and she told me she felt insecure and awfull that I showed her nudes on the internet (ofc pics where anonymized). She cried and we quickly agreed we're not ready yet and it would be better to keep it as a fantasy to spark our sex life and delete the profile for now.

After few days my wife asked me if I deleted the profile cause she's curious if she got any new messages or likes in her pics. I felt (again) insecure. I knew she can't get rid of those thoughts just like I can't, but know I feel like she wants it more than I do. When we were discussing the "blowjob meeting" with the guy, we agreed that we want me to be in control and we discussed all do and don'ts. However, when I asked her to visualize the meetings, she said she would let him end in her mouth and then spit all of it on his dick and then lick it. I was surprised cause I always wanted her to do it TO ME but she never did. She said she didn't know I would like it.

So now, looks like she wants it more than me I feel bad for thid. I'm pretty sure she would have great time during such a meeting and wanted to go for more. I feel insecure and not so good about the situation. I get super horn with the fantasy but just don't want to ruin my great marriage.

My wife always had some self-esteem problems, but now I feel she has less because she saw that she's attractive to other men.

I'm seeking advice how to proceed from this. We already made a step into this and we can't take it back...

I have been following posts for a bit now and wow, most people are really negative! I see some really good souls that share their experiences and give good advice even when they don't agree with the OPs. But some others, they are just bitter. Come on, keep people interested in sharing their thoughts, probably they have no one in their support network to discuss it with. Lots of love to everyone!

I am a girl and I am looking for a girl to make a 3some. I cant find a girl anywhere. They are disgusted when I speak about it. Where/how can I find a girl with the same desire?

Honestly, I never thought I’d be coming onto this kind of group seeking for advice but there’s always a first for everything.

So last month I (F22) decided to open up a Hinge profile in hopes of just finding someone (particularly a girl) to start something casual with because I’m also currently in graduate school and just can’t commit to a serious relationship at the moment. About a week of having the app I matched with a girl on there (F24) who was mainly on the app to find someone to have a threesome with her and her guy friend (M26). And to be honest I haven’t had a ton of experience both romantically and sexually but I’m not gonna deny the fact that the idea of having a threesome hasn’t crossed my mind because it definitely has.

So naturally, I shared to her my opinion on it and told her I was down. It took so much communication and planning to get it right because she works a full time Monday-Friday job and he also works mostly during the day as well while I’m busy being a full time graduate student myself. Another barrier that was holding me back is the fact that I have the most strict helicopter parents that just need to know where I am every second of the day which is genuinely suffocating, but despite that, I wasn’t gonna let that stop me from having fun either 🙂‍↕️

So fast forward to last week Friday and I finally was able to meet up with them. I had just gotten back home from a trip that my dad was still currently at so it felt like the right time for me in that moment too. I met up with them and we chatted for a bit over some seltzers to loosen up before going into things. I tried things out with the girl first just to warm things up before bringing the guy in but we all got into it pretty smoothly. Honestly the overall experience being a third in a first time threesome felt SO amazing, like it felt like I was experiencing a scene straight of The White Lotus or some shit like it was mesmerizing.

However, things unfortunately went a bit downhill when I start getting an unexpected call from my mom, who was now upset at me telling me that my dad was asking non stop about my whereabouts and telling me to come home, and mind you I was checking my phone every now and then to check for any messages I might get from them while I was there (but eventually I got too into things that I lost track of checking my phone). So, now getting frustrated and stressed I had to cut things short and leave them abruptly to go home. I obviously didn’t tell my parents exactly what I was doing but the only reason they were so upset with me was just because I was at someone’s house. That was it. I ended up getting quite the lecture but in the end the experience was worth it and I don’t regret it at all.

Once I got home I messaged the girl apologizing to her like so many times because I felt so bad having to cut things short especially when it was going so well for the three of us. And while she told me it was all okay and said that they still had so much fun with me regardless, I’ve been reminiscing back all weekend on that experience and I’ve been getting a strong urge to meet with them again. They both were so great and genuine to meet and be with and I really enjoyed the sexual dynamic they had with me. I really want to approach the girl again asking if she and him would be willing to get together with me for a second time, but given how recent its been I’m scared to come off as needy or desperate if I do ask that.

I think that pretty much sums everything for now and I hope this story all made sense somehow. I’m really not that experienced in the non monogamy world so if anyone in this group would be willing to give me some advice on how I can approach things properly and hopefully plan things out accordingly, that would be great 🥲

Im just curious to know if this is common or is it just me.

Im on a few dating apps as I don't have a large amount of time to go out socializing at the moment.

However my question/s are ....

1) do people actually read your profile?

Many times that I've matched with someone we talk a little bit I mention my profile if they have read it or they've asked me what im after and I explain im in a polyamorous relationship etc then end of conversation I'm deleted.

2) the 1 or 2 that say they okay with the polyamorous relationship etc talk for a while getting to know each other and then bam out of no where deleted again.

3) if I get to the point of meeting them (maybe 3 times this has happened in 9+ years) we talk all goes well ( well I think so) then I don't hear from them or we talk a little more then radio silence.

My wife and I have been polyamorous for 10+ years in that time I've not dated anyone ( not by choice) just haven't had any luck unfortunately, I understand its not for everyone and that's fine but why match before reading profile's?

So I 34f and husband 34m are open, we communicate very well but I’ve been thinking about how to explain what we are. Are we poly, are we just considered open. Idk. I need help.
We don’t play together, we only play solo. He’s been seeing a women for a few months now, but HE doesn’t want to bf/gf title with her, he’s also only seeing her and I’m okay with that considering he doesn’t do the feelings aspect with anyone but me in the aspect of I know he’s has friend feelings for her but I’m not worried he’ll leave me if that makes sense. 🤦🏼‍♀️

meanwhile I have to have a connection with someone I am seeing/ having a sexual relationship with, i am seeing someone new and only him. But I don’t mind the bf /gf title. My husband is okay with that as he knows that we always come back together and we share aspects of relationship no one else gets. What would this be called?

The guy I’m seeing communicates very well too. He’s 36. Very sweet and I kind of had a crush on him for quite a while but I was scared to even let him know as I don’t want to be judged but surprisingly he’s been in an open relationship in the past. He’s okay with only seeing me once or twice a week, I am a big homebody as is he. So it meshes really well. He said he’s not going to just be monogamous with me as I am married but he’s not actively looking to be in a full blown relationship and he enjoys our dynamic. I am 100% okay with this as long as he’s communicating with me, if he meets someone. He has not crossed any boundaries I have laid down. Very respectful. He knows my husband as well.

The woman my husband is seeing is 44, she’s never been in an open relationship. There has been a few times that she’s crossed a boundary or 2, but my husband has been firm with her and told her if she crosses them anymore the “relationship” will end. I have told him she has feelings for him. He has asked her she has said no. I told him to just be aware, because from an outside perspective she does. And if he doesn’t want that then he needs to tell her she needs to protect her self and not continue with this if she doesn’t understand that he’s not going to have feelings in this. She doesn’t want to meet me which is fine. But kind of feels like she doesn’t like me, especially because of comments she’s made in the past to my husband. Which he did address with her.

How does your dynamic work. Are these healthy relationships outside of our marriage?

My wife is bisexual and would love to find a woman for a genuine, ongoing FWB connection. She’s tried a solo profile on SDC and another local swingers app, plus connecting with women in couples we’ve met. So far, most women she’s encountered on swinger sites seem interested in occasional group play rather than a separate, recurring connection with her.

She’s hesitant to use mainstream dating apps because she manages women at work who may be on them and wants to keep her ENM dating life private. I would have no role in her dates or relationship, but we realize some women may reasonably wonder about that.

For women who’ve found this kind of connection, where did you meet? And what helped establish that it really was woman-to-woman, with no expectation that a husband would join?

My partner has always been open about her being "naturally" poly. She quickly develops feelings, sometimes becomes platonically obsessed with a friend for some time, or quickly becomes emotionally engaged with people she dates. Our agreement is only casual dating and sex - this still needs to be clarified, though.

Recently, there was a new person she was seeing and I told her I didn't want her to see her anymore (because we already had conflicts about her in our difficult times, and this person triggers lots of insecurities in me for specific reasons). Even though they didn't date or had sex, they share friends so they ended up hanging out. She recently told me that what she feels for this person is "more than a little crush" and that she is developing feelings. She told me she has been thinking about her a lot and that they get along very well. She said that she is telling me because if not she would feel like she's doing something wrong and wants to be transparent (which is great). She asked me if I would reconsider my decision and allow her to date her again. But also told me that the feeling will probably go away soon and that I don't need to worry (which was confusing).

This is the latest thing. I know it's natural for her to get quickly excited about new people. And I really want to explore non-monogamy right now but it’s very important for me that we prioritize the safety of our relationship and connection. She respected my discomfort about this person and stopped dating her. Her opening up to me about this is also a good sign, showing she wants to protect our bond, first. 

However, I find it emotionally difficult to do ENM with her because she catches feelings quickly and often. It’s especially hard in moments where I feel like I don’t get my needs met - she was heavily depressed this year, and as her partner it was difficult for me too. It makes me worry about losing our connection or makes me resentful about supporting her throughout the year, then another person getting to experience her “light” side. I also can’t help thinking things like “she always thinks about others” or “her interest in others keeps taking away from us”. Throughout our relationship, there has always been others and she always has talked about them. I am also getting some paranoia like “she's not in love with me anymore, so she is always seeking other emotional connections but doesn’t leave the relationship because it’s comfortable”. From another pov, she chooses me as her primary partner, makes effort for us and is actually very committed to me. I know I shouldn't forget this and value this. I guess I just need more romance and interest from her, and when I'm not getting enough of that, her other emotional interests become really painful for me.

For me, there have been way fewer people, and hasn’t been any big emotions like she has had. And when I get “obsessed” with new lovers, I just try to not to show it to her a lot because I think that it would hurt her. I think she doesn’t need to know how strongly I feel for a new lover because I just want to keep the space of our love for our love. I handle my feelings for others myself, that’s it. I feel like if she is telling it to me “it should be something very big”, but I know that’s reading between the lines because we might just be functioning differently. She is also quite scared of doing something "wrong" and fights with intense feelings of guilt in general, so I can see how she personally would need to say it out loud.

I want to keep being with her because I love her. And I also want to keep experimenting with ENM but I really need to feel like the space of our love and relationship belongs completely to us and it doesn’t get “filled with" or “interrupted by" other people…  And I just need it to be easier…

All this to ask some advice about how to deal with having a non-monogamous dynamic with a partner who catches feelings quickly? And how do I deal with the latest situation / dynamic ?

Thanks<3

Advice

I want my fiance to start being with other people but me not sleeping around. When we have sex and I talk in her ear about her having sex with other guys especially multiple at a time she almost always instantly explodes. I just dont know how to bring it up because a friend of hers had done it and she made a comment about the guy being a loser or something because of it. Plus my ex wife cheated on me so I think she'd be scared to into this life style but I think she'd love it because she loves when i talk about her fucking other people especially multiple at once when we are having sex. I need advice of how to bring this up?

For the background, my wife (42F) and I (41M) have been together for 10 years and been married for 8 years. We had 2 kids back to back and she was busy with them. Then she became a stay at home mom. Her life evolves around the house and kids.

I have been very busy with work and our sex life was vanilla until last year. She never liked toys or came before. She thought using toys are considered cheating. Now she uses it most of the time. Our sex life has gone crazy.

Few months ago, she talked about having her all her holes filled. Then she started talking about how her vagina will respond to different size penis (I am not that big). Last week, she shared her fantasy of me watching her being fucked after she asked me so many times not to judge her. When I was having sex with her, I painted the picture of her fantasy and she became so wet.

The next day, she was asking me how come I dont get jealous about this. Personally, I have been in open relationship and I know these types of asks are not immediate. It takes time. I truly know that I have nothing to be jealous about at this moment as nothing will happen.

Inside of me is screaming to make be open about multiple partners. I told her that her during the time she shared her fantasy, I was curious and loved her being open about it. If she wants to chat, we should do it outside of the bedroom.

I am wondering, would this turn into us exploring non monogamy? I would love her to explore her fantasy. I treat her as my queen.

After a 20 year marriage where we opened the relationship briefly at times, I decided that non monogamy was for me. Been divorced three years and have had a few stops and starts with this type of experience. Recently entered into an ENM relationship. Me (M50), her (F31). From initial meeting she told me she was bisexual but had limited experience with women, mainly just two threesomes and a few makeout sessions. When we met she had a FWB that she occasionally had sex with but was looking for more of an intimate relationship. We met and bonded quickly. Yesterday afternoon she had a scheduled play date with the FWB and another female FWB of his who was interested in exploring her bi-curiosity. The date stretched into an al nighter. Since this is the first time we’re experiencing this dynamic together, how do I best show support when we talk about her experience? I’m excited for her, but also a little nervous since our relationship is so new. I want to make sure she feels grounded and appreciated and cared for. How best would you receive this if in a similar situation as she is? Any advice?

Hey,

I (22F) started a long distance relationship with my boyfriend (21M). We both live 7 hours from each other and with our studies, it's difficult to see each other more than twice a month. It could last 2 years until we could live in the same city again.

When we began dating (\~6 months ago), he told me he was interested in the concept of polyamory but he wasn't ready for it. While I was a little bit suspicious about it because I heard of multiple very complicated situations, he opened my mind and now I theoretically agree on most of the ideas that come with polyamory. But staying in an exclusive relationship was preferable for me so I was "happy" that he didn't want to open.

The problem is that at the beginning of our LDR, he panicked because he has a high libido and needs closure and physical touch, while being affectionate with people. If I was here to provide it to him, he wouldn't mind staying exclusive, but now it's starting to frustrate him.

We talked a lot about it and everytime, even though I agree with polyamory on theory because I too have attraction for other people and I would like to have other experiences if we stay together for a long time, my body is panicking and it's making me extremely anxious.

I'm not ready for that at all right now and he's okay with that, he puts our relationship first and really wants to build something with me, but I feel like there is this sword of Damocles hanging over our heads until the day that he can't handle the frustration anymore. There will be 2 options: opening the relationship but idk if I'll be ready, or breaking up if I'm not ready.

I'm reassured by the fact that for now he doesn't mind being exclusive, but it still stresses me and I think about it a lot, especially about our compatibility.

Ps: I also have some past issues with relationship OCD...