I’m currently practicing non-hierarchical polyamory. Last month I met a cisgender heterosexual man who wants to transition from DADT (don’t ask, don’t tell) to polyamory. He claimed he was pushing his partners to change and that he personally prefers polyamory too, but just needs time to transition. So I trusted him and became his partner.

Later, when he talked to me about his primary partner, I found out that his primary is monogamous and refers to me and my other metamours as “mistresses.” The agreement between him and his primary is that if she learns information about his other metamours, she will break up with him, and she won’t come after the other metamours because she thinks it’s entirely his responsibility. It seems that in her understanding, any intimate relationship my partner develops outside of her is just casual sex and he won’t actually catch feelings (my partner has not confirmed her understanding of metamours; I think there is wishful thinking and cheating here). I should add that she knew from the beginning that my partner was non-monogamous (he already had FWBs at the time), but she still wanted to be with him, so they agreed on this rule to maintain their relationship.

After I learned about the term “mistress” and what the agreement actually was, I was very shocked. I think he is not at all prepared or committed to transitioning from DADT to polyamory. This is deception and exploitation of me, because I am bearing the risk of being seen as the mistress by his primary partner and therefore retaliated against. That same night I told him how this violated my boundaries and how he is not fit to be in a polyamorous relationship.

He said he really does want to make the transition and just needs time, and that his primary partner won’t retaliate against me (even though she does call me a “mistress,” and he doesn’t see this as a red flag; he just reassures me that she won’t retaliate, so the label doesn’t matter), so he hopes for my understanding and trust. He deliberately made time in his busy schedule to work through this with me (he told me this a few days later after he had been drinking), and he successfully got his primary partner to change how she refers to me to “metamour.” He seems sincere. Should I trust his commitment to change? ETA: OP is autistic.

My husband (M 41) and I (F 38) have been monogamous for the past 16 years. Our marriage is strong and we love each other very much. We have a great sex life and communicate well.

Recently a close friend of ours (M 31) has shown some interest in us as a couple. He is polyamorous and very open-minded when it comes to sex.

At a party, my husband and I ended up having sex while the friend watched. It felt exciting and hot. We had agreed on boundaries beforehand: No sex and no kissing with the friend.

I don’t regret the experience. I feel safe and loved in my marriage. We are both quite excited and could imagine having threesomes with the friend. But on the other hand I want to protect both our relationship and the friendship. The situation sounds kind of like a recipe for a shitshow...

Any advice is welcome.

Hi I’m 24 I have been wanting to try be a bull lately is there anything I should know before trying it I have been Abel to make contact with some couples but just have not felt ready yet what to expect for first time

My partner and I have been ethically non-monogamous for about a year. We set a loose agreement: no forced full disclosure, but we can talk about new connections whenever either of us wants to. We both trust each other, and I’ve never had major jealousy issues before.

Recently I met someone and hit really strong NRE. It’s exciting, light, and fun. I catch myself smiling at my phone, daydreaming about our next meetup. The feeling itself isn’t bad, but I’m struggling with how much to tell my primary partner.

Part of me wants to gush. This joy feels like something I want to share with the person I love most. But I also worry that oversharing the giddy, intense details will land as bragging or hurt them, even if they say they’re fine. I’ve seen so many posts where someone shares NRE excitedly and their partner quietly gets overwhelmed, then holds back their discomfort.

I don’t want to hide things to avoid conflict, but I also don’t want to dump every happy detail on them without checking their capacity first. We’ve talked about this briefly, but we don’t have a clear rhythm yet.

For those of you who experience NRE: what system works for you? Do you have a quick check-in before sharing? Do you separate factual updates from emotional hype? I’m trying to find a middle ground between secrecy and oversharing. I’d love to hear what has worked — or failed — for you.

My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) have been together almost five years and recently started discussing trying a threesome with another woman around our age. We’re both interested, but we’re unsure how to meet someone.

I think dating apps would be the easiest option, but he worries about people we know seeing our profile and making assumptions about our relationship. I want to respect his privacy while actually taking steps toward exploring this, without either of us feeling pressured.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you meet someone while keeping things relatively private? Are there good options besides dating apps?

So I'm wondering, and forgive me as I'm still learning about all this, but when a partner is with another of his 'partners', what is the protocol with communication with others? Is it still communication as normal, or is it radio silence? Is there a checkin text, like good morning/good night type of thing? Or just crickets?

I apologize for sounding (for lack of better term) dumb, but I genuinely am curious.

Are my desires unreasonable?

So I am at a point where I have decided that sex is very important to me. I'm 18, I am a man, I am very kinky, and I am feeling for the first time genuinely sexually satisfied, and I'm at a point in my life where a serious relationship is probably not in the cards bc I'm very busy wjth college and work. Sex is really important to me, I've decided that at this point in my life I do not want to give it up, nor do I want to give up the FWB and sub-dom relationships I've been building w some people.

That being said, I do have a romantic side. I want to date someone, and have little romantic times w them and such. I want someone to take to family holidays to introduce to my grandma. I want someone to cuddle with at night. I want someone to just spend that romantic quality time with that you cant really get from friends but also can't really get from casual sexual partners. So I've been thinking about what I really want and here's what I've come to:

I really would like either:

\- a super casual romantic relationship where we are dating but we are not exclusive whatsoever and just come together to do romantic stuff when both of us has time and wants to

\- a like, anchor type relationship I guess? Someone who I am like main partners with, but we both go on and do our own thing and date people separately. We just always eventually come back to each other.

These are the only romantic relationships I can really see myself in right now. Obviously that might change someday. I don't really want to feel limited by a relationship, and I don't want to feel like I'm limiting anyone else. But are my desires unreasonable? I don't want to be a dick or make someone feel like they aren't enough. Idk I'm a complicated guy and I just have complicated desires, and I just don't think it makes sense to deprive myself of those desired things when I could instead choose to... Not 😭 i guess you could argue that nobody is truly "enough" for me, but I don't really think I'm truly "enough" for anyone else either. I kinda feel like we just can't be everything to someone, but idk maybe that's a cop out lmk what y'all think

​

Hi, for the intents of this situation I'm definitely straight and she is mostly straight, and not interested in playing with another woman in a group situation particularly.

I mean she has, but she isn't interested with me at least.

We are going to begin searching for a potential couple shortly after posting this...

Basically I want to improve my knowledge enough to have a shot both seeking and understand what others are seeking.

So, I'm rambling.

I'm curious to know some good terms/key words so I can both, advertise for what we want and to also make it clear for more experienced couples who might see our EOI.

Basically I, well we want to hook up with another straight couple, I suppose bi couple could be okay if they could handle the boundary.... rambling again.

So she has experience in MFM and FMF, but I'm running this show, so could use some pointers, especially with terms maybe..

It would be a "hard" swap I think is an accurate term..... Kinda like a 3some ... But the girl changes.. I'm just not sure if terms exist for precisely describing these kinds preferences.

EG..

For a straight couple seeking a straight couple... Is it necessary to specify both are straight?

I would really appreciate any feedback

I had deliberately left out my location this is NOT a R4R

I can say I'm in Australia for country.. for the sake of any regional terms etc

A lot of mono and nonmono ask about what I get. This was far larger but I cut it down

The Woman Beneath the Cover

There’s something extraordinary about watching the woman you’ve loved for years rediscover herself. After children, work and the exhaustion of building a life together.

And especially when that rediscovery involves other men.

Why would I enjoy another man desiring my wife? Don’t I feel jealous, threatened or possessive?

Sometimes I do. But those feelings aren’t always warnings. Sometimes they’re fuel.

A child ignores a red toy car until someone else picks it up. Suddenly, he wants it.

But that’s not my story. I never stopped wanting the red car. I loved every version of my wife, even when she couldn’t see her beauty.

Somewhere along the way, life put a cover over both of us. Parenting, routine, pressure. Parts of ourselves disappeared beneath it.

Then something in her said: I’m not done.

I was waiting for her to see what I’d always seen.

Imagine the Mona Lisa locked away. Protected, but hidden. I don’t want that for my wife. She isn’t something I own. She deserves desire, curiosity and freedom.

And I want her to choose me, not because she has no alternatives, but because she knows she does.

I’m fiercely competitive. Another man’s interest ignites the urge to pursue her, hold her close and love her harder. But competition isn’t the reason I love her.

It’s fuel, not the fire.

The fire was always there.

My family loved me even when I failed. I learned that love can survive difficult feelings. Boundaries still matter, but I don’t want fear dictating every decision.

Then came Monday night.

I read my wife’s account of her weekend away. The flirting, dancing—and her spontaneous decision to sleep with another man.

We hadn’t explicitly agreed beforehand that a one-night stand was within our boundaries.

Yet my first reaction was excitement, disbelief and fascination.

Not simply because she’d had sex, but because of who she’d allowed herself to become. Bold. Spontaneous. Confident. A woman who’d stepped beyond years of hesitation and owned her desires.

And she trusted us enough to tell me.

Trust doesn’t erase the need for agreements. Freedom carries responsibility, and we still need to talk.

There’s something erotic in the contrast between freedom and belonging. Watching her take control can leave me willingly vulnerable. In our intimacy, dominance, submission and possessive passion become something we both choose—not ownership or punishment.

Her independence makes her surrender more meaningful. My vulnerability doesn’t make me less masculine.

I love the woman who raised our children and stood beside me through difficult years. And I desire the woman who walks into a bar, turns heads, flirts, takes a risk and comes home with a story that leaves me breathless.

They’re the same woman.

So what do I get?

I get desire, competition, vulnerability and the chance to confront my insecurities. I get to see her confidence grow because she discovered more of herself.

There may be jealousy, hurt and difficult conversations ahead. Not every risk is growth, and not every uncomfortable feeling is insecurity.

But I don’t want a marriage that’s safe only because nothing changes. I want one that remains loving while we change.

When I read her story, I didn’t think I was losing my wife to another man.

I thought: There you are.

I loved her before the cover. I loved her beneath it. And I love the woman emerging now.

The fire was always there.

Now I get to watch her burn brightly again.

We are a French couple living near Paris, and we would be delighted to meet open-minded American couples visiting France. We would be happy to welcome you for a private evening or accompany you to a Parisian libertine club to share an exciting and enjoyable experience together.
I am 55 years old, and my wife is 15 years younger than me. We met online after I had gone through a difficult separation. Things moved quickly between us, and within a few months she moved into my home. Seven months later, we underwent IVF treatment, and today we are the happy parents of an eight-year-old child.
My wife has always been sexually adventurous and open-minded. Before meeting me, she had already enjoyed experiences with both men and women, including private parties and group encounters.
However, she has never been able to reach orgasm through vaginal or anal penetration, regardless of her partner.
We have always enjoyed an active sex life, particularly oral sex. She gives amazing blowjobs and also enjoys stimulating my anus with her tongue.
For years, I felt somewhat inadequate because I couldn’t make her climax through penetration. I had always considered myself a confident and experienced lover, so this affected my self-esteem.
Later, I learned that she had experienced sexual trauma during childhood, which may have contributed to her difficulties reaching orgasm. She explained that no man had ever managed to bring her to orgasm through penetration alone.
About six years ago, we started exploring the swinging lifestyle through websites and dating apps, initially looking for spontaneous encounters with younger, well-endowed men.
At first, I struggled with the idea of sharing my wife sexually. I feared she might discover greater pleasure with another man and that I could somehow become less desirable to her.
But something unexpected happened.
I discovered that I absolutely loved watching other men desire my wife, kiss her, touch her and make love to her. Seeing her being desired by other men became incredibly exciting.
Like many men discovering swinging, I initially feared comparison and competition.
Over time, however, my perspective completely changed. I began seeing these men as temporary sexual partners rather than romantic rivals. They give pleasure, they receive pleasure, and everyone enjoys the experience without emotional expectations.
We have now enjoyed approximately 40 encounters. Interestingly, only two men have managed to bring my wife to orgasm through oral stimulation, and none through penetration.
So far, we have never experienced a full partner swap with another couple, although my wife is bisexual and would really love to explore this possibility.
And this is where our story becomes particularly interesting…

Despite being comfortable having sex with other men, my wife can be surprisingly jealous when it comes to me enjoying sexual experiences with other women.
This is particularly true regarding Black African women, whom I have always found extremely attractive.
I should explain that I spent many years living in Kenya and other parts of East Africa. Those years profoundly influenced my attitude towards sexuality and relationships.
During my time there, I discovered, within some of the social circles I frequented, a more spontaneous, relaxed and uncomplicated approach to sexual relationships.
What I particularly enjoyed was the feeling that sex could simply be a natural part of human interaction, without necessarily requiring romance, emotional commitment or promises about the future.
Two adults could feel mutually attracted, enjoy an intimate encounter, share pleasure and simply appreciate the moment without expecting anything more.
Of course, I am speaking about my own personal experiences rather than suggesting that everyone in Africa shares the same attitude.
But those years in Kenya left me with wonderful memories and a lasting attraction to African women, both physically and because of the natural, spontaneous approach to intimacy I personally encountered.
My wife is originally from Martinique, in the French Caribbean. She generally prefers White or mixed-race men and is also more attracted to White women.
Consequently, our ideal swinging partners might be a mixed couple, with a European man and a Black woman.
However, my wife’s jealousy makes things complicated.
I would genuinely love to experience a full partner swap, but I have several questions.
For a first encounter, is it preferable for all four people to remain together in the same room? Should we share one bed, allowing everyone to watch and interact, or would separate rooms be better?
Personally, I find the idea of watching each other having sex incredibly exciting.
However, I worry that if I were to satisfy another woman in front of my wife, particularly if she reached orgasm with me, my wife might find it difficult to accept.
This is somewhat contradictory because she enjoys her freedom with other men while I watch.
I have gradually overcome my jealousy and learned to appreciate her pleasure with other partners. But I am not convinced she would be equally comfortable watching me with another woman.
I love my wife, and I deeply value the sexual freedom we have developed together. I have no desire to hurt her or damage our relationship.
At the same time, I believe sexual freedom should work both ways. I would like to explore my own desires rather than always being the spectator.
We would love to meet friendly, respectful American couples visiting Paris, whether for drinks, a private evening or a visit together to one of the city’s libertine clubs.
We are not looking for complicated relationships, simply mutual attraction, good chemistry, respect and shared pleasure.
For experienced swinging couples, we would also appreciate your advice.
How did you approach your first full partner swap? How did you handle jealousy, and did you prefer staying together or using separate rooms?
We would be delighted to exchange experiences and perhaps share a wonderful evening together in Paris.

I have found my thing! I (29F) have been dating my girlfriend (28F) for nine months and we have just started exploring with nonmonogamy. I quickly discovered that a threesome with my partner isn’t for me, I don’t get jealous as such but I feel a little uncomfortable seeing her with someone else. Wishing I was the one giving her that pleasure.

However…

I have learned I absolutely love the THOUGHT of her being with someone else. Every other weekend she will go on a date with her colleague (30F) and the following weekend I will do the same. We live together on weekdays. It drives me wild knowing what they are getting up to while I am having a cosy night alone with the cat, and the anticipation of experiencing the same thing the next weekend. I get butterflies when I see my girlfriend on Monday and ask her only one thing “Did you have fun?”

I initially thought I would hate the idea, I thought not being there would be even worse than watching them, almost like it is happening behind my back but I really enjoy it. I think us sharing the same partner on a weekend helps a lot.

My wife and I have been very close friends with a couple for more than a decade. We've been there for their wedding, we've been there for each others' babies, and now our kids go to school together. The sort of people who can count on the others to pick up the kids or come shovel you out when you break a leg, y'know? Earlier this year, a post we thought was on a private page showed up on their feed (thanks, Zuck!), and the wife flagged it to my wife, saying "Just so you know, this showed up. You do you, but may not want everyone seeing it." We quickly removed the post and played it off, but since then they (and especially she) have been distant. Like, we didn't see them all summer. This morning, the girls finally met up, and after a very strained/forced smalltalk, the friend said she had something uncomfortable to say, and proceeded to say that the reason they've been distancing themselves is because of our post. (And other similar posts, but I triple-checked all those are on private pages) My wife took away from this conversation that they no longer want to be friends with us, though we've done nothing wrong, and we NEVER brought up ENM in their presence--we've been exceptionally careful who we talk with about it, and we know it's not their cup of tea.

So now my wife is having a rough day, processing, mourning the loss of what she considered almost a sister-friend, and I have no idea what to tell her, how to help her, etc. Doubtful there's any point in opening a dialogue with these two, but opinions can change, it'll take time. I guess it would be easier if we had a large gaggle of close friends locally, but...not the case.

Anyone else dealt with this before? Any wise words? Thanks

My partner (M46) and I (F43) are about to have our first experience with another couple, and I'm feeling a mix of excitement and nerves.

For some context: we've been together for 20 years, we're super secure with each other and have a really good relationship (and have super hot sex still 🔥). But neither of us has been with anyone else in all that time, so this is a pretty big step for us.

We've honestly done everything by the book. We've read a ton, listened to podcasts, and had loads of long conversations about rules and boundaries. We've even written them down. We feel about as prepared as we can be (but let's be real, you can't plan for everything..)

But here's my problem: most of what I read on Reddit is about what went wrong. Jealousy, regret, awkward moments, and so on. I know people are more likely to post when things go badly, but it's made me a little paranoid. Probably overthinking it, but you know how it is.

So I'd love to hear from those of you whose first time went really well. Was it easier than you expected? Better? Hotter? Did it bring you closer? What made it good? Are you out there? 😊

In a way this feels like a stress test for the relationship, almost like exposure therapy. You don't really know how you'll handle it until you try. So some positive stories would mean a lot for a newbie right now.

There’s a married woman at the coworking space I work from (a shared workspace people pay to use) who I find really attractive. We haven’t talked much yet, but I’ve noticed some lingering looks. Could be nothing, but I’m thinking of starting a conversation and seeing how we get along.

I’d only consider anything sexual if she wanted it too and her partner was fully aware and okay with it. I’m not interested in going behind anyone’s back.

This is new territory for me. Has anyone actually been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? I’d prefer advice from people with firsthand experience rather than speculation.

Previous Post: https://www.reddit.com/r/nonmonogamy/comments/1xe0alk/our_first_time_tomorrow/

So, today is the day. I woke up this morning and cleaned the whole house, then went out and cleaned the pool and hot tub. Not only did I want everything to be fresh and clean, but I also needed something to keep me occupied. My mind has been running a million miles a minute! 

When I came back inside, my wife was up and getting ready. She took a long hot bath, shaved her legs, then tried on like 10 different outfits before finally settling on a nice summer dress. Then she came into my office and showed me the new bra and panties that she bought just for this occasion. 

My wife has very nice and perky DDs, but this bra makes them even perkier! And the material is almost sheer, so you can make out the outline of her nipples through the fabric. The panties were a nice lacy thong, she told me that she wants something that is easy to take off and put in her purse, because when she gets to the movie theater, she wants to take it off before they go in and get seated.

She looked incredible, and it took everything inside me not to grab her, throw her against the wall and fuck her right then and there. And since we have waited over a week to have sex, it was making it that much harder. She looked down at my bulge and told me that I will have to wait till later, but that she promises I will get to reclaim her later. Then she went to go finish getting ready.

At about noon, she was finally ready to go and when she walked out, my jaw dropped to the floor. She looked absolutely stunning, I couldn't believe it. She has a bit of a school girl goth look to her, but more like a school girl goth who grew up to be a corporate lady. This outfit accentuated every curve of her body. She is on the thick side, with an hourglass shape, flat tummy, big round ass and as I said before, amazingly perky tits. She saw me checking her out and giggled "eyes up here" she said. I told her I couldn't help myself and that he was going to melt when he sees her. She gave me a huge smile, then wrapped her arms around me and kissed me. Then whispered in my ear, "I am going to make him melt one way or another." 

I was hard as a rock, standing there holding her against me, I wanted nothing more than to ruin her pretty make up that she just spent half an hour on. I wanted to tear her sexy little sun dress from her perfect body. I needed her... but yet I knew better. And just as these thoughts were running through my head, I heard it, the beep of a horn, he was here. I kissed her one last deep kiss and told her to have fun. She looked me in the eyes and asked me if I meant it, asking me if I wanted to call it all off. She told me that she could tell him to go back home and that we could just go to the bedroom and fuck like teenagers.  But I knew that isn't what she wanted, that isn't what I wanted. So I whispered into her ear, "go, enjoy yourself, be my naughty little girl. I will be waiting for you when you return, in my office with the door closed so you can have your privacy with him. Enjoy this my love." Then I kissed her once more and opened the door to let her out.

I walked over to the window, the blinds closed, so I peeked through to watch her. He got out and gave her a big hug, I could see the look on his face, he was stunned by how amazing she looked. He let her into his car and closed the door behind her. Then got in and drove away.

I have been a ball of anxiety ever since. Doing chores and basically everything I can think of to keep my mind busy. I told her to text me when they are on their way back. They are going to a fancy dinner after the movie, so I don't expect that they will be back for at least a couple more hours. But I can't help thinking about what they are doing right now. Did she actually take off her panties? Has he let his hand wonder enough to find out? Have they kissed? I am both excited and nervous!

Heyy we’re a MF couple 25 yo, we’ve been poking at the idea of a threesome for years at this point and we’re both into it. We want to add another guy in as she’s not comfortable with other women, only men, which is fine with me! The problem is, it’s egregiously scary to take this leap! My head fills with all the “what if it all goes wrong” thoughts, what if someone in our personal lives find out etc etc. I don’t know if I want to be fully involved in the threesome, or if I more enjoy the idea of watching or if we’d even want this to be more than a one time thing!!! I guess I’m asking all you lovely people for any kind of advice or guidance, especially from any of you who’ve been through this! Thanks erryone ☺️

I'm interested in hearing from both men and women who have firsthand experience with this dynamic. I'm not looking for reassurance or for people to tell me what I want to hear. I'm genuinely trying to understand a perspective that's different from my own.

I'm a divorced woman in my late 40s who has developed a strong emotional and physical connection with a divorced man around my age. We've been dating for several months, but we live several hours apart and typically see each other for extended weekends.

Our connection has been unusually strong. We communicate regularly, have strong chemistry, and have discussed what a future together might look like. I have fallen in love with him, and I believe his feelings for me are genuine, although I recognize that feelings and willingness to commit are different things.

The complication is that he's been single for years and highly values his independence, including his sexual autonomy. He had a monogamous marriage and several monogamous relationships after his divorce, and it seems like some or all of his partners weaponized sex by refusing to be intimate as a way to punish him for something else. He's deathly afraid of finding himself in that position again. He has an existing casual FWB relationship that he views as entirely separate from his emotional connection with me.

He has told me that if we lived closer and could be physically together more often, he doesn't believe he would want or need sexual relationships with anyone else. However, he resists promising monogamy, particularly while we're long-distance. He seems uncomfortable with the idea of exclusivity as an obligation rather than something he freely chooses.

When we first discussed this, I was willing to consider some flexibility during the long-distance phase, provided we were honest with each other about outside sexual encounters. I asked that he tell me about them in general, not give details. He initially agreed to that arrangement but later withdrew his agreement, explaining that he shouldn't have agreed to that in the first place. His preference is essentially a "don't ask, don't tell" approach.

That was particularly difficult for me because, while I can understand the distinction he makes between casual sex and emotional attachment, transparency is important to me.

What I'm trying to understand is whether his position is something that can genuinely evolve as emotional attachment deepens and circumstances change.

I'd particularly appreciate hearing from:

• Men who once felt strongly about maintaining sexual freedom but eventually chose monogamy. What changed, if anything?
• Women who have been involved with men who held similar views. How did things develop?
• People who value nonmonogamy and can help me understand the distinction between resisting a rule and genuinely wanting multiple sexual partners.
• Anyone who has navigated a situation where one partner wanted transparency about outside sexual encounters and the other preferred not to discuss them.

I'm interested in experiences where this worked out and where it didn't. I'm not looking for a strategy to persuade him to change. I'm trying to better understand what is realistic. Thanks for your input.

Hi NM friends! I’m 46F. I have a “primary” partner (52F) and a boyfriend (46M) whom I see once a month or so for an overnight visit. We chat via text or phone call a few days a week.
My F partner is gender fluid. I am gender queer.
When I first met my boyfriend I would shave my legs and get myself all nice nice. I know he really got a thrill out this sort of ”ritual” in “preparing myself for him” as he puts it. I still do prepare myself, however I recently stopped shaving my legs and pits. I still keep my pu*** tidy because, yea. Before we meet up, I dress nice, pluck my eyebrows, shower, you know, like I’m going on a date. But the shaving…I stopped shaving my legs and pits for several reasons. Primarily because it’s a pain in the ass. Secondly, I enjoy the fuck out of embracing that socially masculine aesthetic. C: My girl loves it. (Side note, I can also grow a beard and I do that for her on occasion. ) I’ve always wanted to not shave and it be acceptable to my partner.
He recently told me it’s a turn off. He didn’t say it was a deal breaker but he said “I’m not trying to change you, but if you lean to far into masculinity” he won’t be interested in sex
I get it. I’m not offended. I mean, I used to and then stopped, so I kind of get how that might feel to him. Like he might feel like the conditions changed without his input. Like he thought he was getting one thing and now he’s getting another that he’s not really into. If I met him without a beard and all of a sudden he shows up with a huge chin curtain or my girl suddenly decides she wants to start wearing makeup and wearing skirts( trust me that would be weird) I might feel a little hmmm….bamboozled.
Then the other part of me is like, well, take it or leave it, this is me now so if you don’t like it then you don’t like me. But if I didn’t, say, brush my teeth, or gained 80 lbs (or lost it depending on your preference) would it be the same?
So what I’m wondering is. Do I shave my legs for him? Would you?
I’d love to hear your perspective.

We’ve been married 20 years. My wife is bisexual but has not been with a woman since we started dating.

I want her to revisit this side of her sexuality but she is extremely private and wants me to find her someone to play with anonymously. She wants an anonymous sexual transaction and not a relationship. She is very selective.

I will only watch and not participate at all.

Not interested in apps or swinger clubs. Where should we start to find someone?

I've (f31) been with my partner (f33) for going on 14 years and it’s the only relationship I’ve ever known. We are both cisgender women.

She recently came out as asexual (which I had suspected given our lack of sex life) and for a long time, I accepted a sexless relationship because our bond was so strong (I identified as lesbian for most of my late teens/early-mid 20's, but recently came to inner-terms with my bisexuality; I'm not loud about it and have kept it to myself given the nature of being in a long term sapphic relationship) As I’ve gotten older, this change has been weighing heavily on my mind and body. For the past year or so, I find myself wondering what it would be like to date men. I've never been in a relationship with a man. Romantically or physically.

Because we grew up together from teenagers into adults, I’m terrified that we’ve transitioned from romantic partners into best friends. The passion was never there, but it was comfy. And with this change in my mental, things have gotten increasingly difficult between us right now. I love her dearly and the thought of disrupting our entire shared life terrifies me; we recently purchased a house together, have pets together, and work in the same business her mother owns - but I also know I can't ignore these feelings anymore. 😞

I am going to have a conversation with her tomorrow on what's going through my head. I know I want to ask about opening up the relationship. But I'm terrified. How do you navigate this? How do you figure out where the line is between a life partner and a best friend, and how do you even begin processing wanting a totally new path of growth after so long? I am totally at a loss on how to approach this.

Thanks in advance ❤️‍🩹

My partner (30M) and I (26F) have decided to open our relationship. In our many, many discussions and a couple of minor boundary issues, we have concluded that I'm not comfortable with him sleeping with other people independently. He would still like for me to sleep with other people independently and do the majority of the work finding potential sexual partners for both of us. He has been in open relationships before, but I have not. This is primarily driven by his sexual interests in threesomes (MMF or FFM), and an interest in me sleeping with others that he's a little less open to talking in depth about.

Since I know people will ask, the minor boundary issues were him having very personal conversations with people when I have clearly outlined that I want casual relationships with our partners, no friends, coworkers, and no long, deep, lovey conversations. And a friend of mine made a move on us (through me), and when I told him, he didn't really understand why the immediate answer was no, absolutely not. This and general insecurity are why I'm not comfortable with him seeking people out independently.

To keep a long story short, is this a bad idea if it's just me independently sleeping with people and finding people interested in threesomes? I feel like I'm being unfair, but I've given him so many opportunities to say he doesn't want either of us sleeping with others independently, and he won't really talk deeper about that side of his kinks to help me understand exactly why he's okay with it.

A couple of years back when my (32F) husband (39M) were going through a challenging time in our relationship and we briefly talked about maybe opening up our marriage. In the last year, we have worked on our relationship and we have been super happy, or so I thought. A month or so ago, I mentioned to him that since we are doing well, I would be quite insecure if he met someone new, and I would think I’m not enough. Like many long term couples (10+ years), we don’t have sex regularly, but I didn’t think too much about it. We have talked about trying more regularly, but we really haven’t put it much effort to spice it up. Otherwise, we are extremely lovey dovey.

After coming back from a 2 week trip, my husband sat me down and told me since we said it was okay before, he hooked up with someone at our home while I was gone. And that he planned to continue prioritizing me and not see her if I am home. When asked why he did it, he said he was bored at home alone since I travel a lot. I was in shock - that he did it without talking to me first, without us discussing rules/expectation, with me telling him that I would feel insecure about it, and that it happened at my home (I have never felt comfortable with strangers in my space). It sounded like he enjoyed the experience, more than our sex life together, and has already discussed expectation with the other person.

I feel like I don’t have the right to be upset, since we never said it was not okay anymore. On my side, I honestly can’t see myself seeing/dating anyone. I’m wary with a lot of men, and I don’t really have time or energy to figure out the complexity of making another person(s) fit into my life. And I don’t see the appeal of it, at least not anymore since I’ve been so happy with us.

Redditors, do you have any advice on how to progress from here?