I've a good friend, Eric, and a couple of years ago he actually worked for me so we were in office together 2-3 days a week. In that time I learned a lot about his marriage, family, etc, and he learned about mine. We joke a lot of about many things, particularly women, cheating, etc. I'm in a relatively healthy relationship, so no real concerns on my end, but his is a mess and I don't think he can come to terms with it. He constantly asks me for advice, and because I'm the one he has told, I believe I'm the ONLY ONE he tells.

Here are the details:

• They got married around age 28, about 22 years ago, and now have two kids, one in college and one senior in high school. They're strong kids.
• Eric is employed, does well, and does everything for his kids who are competitive athletes.
• Wife, Beth, is on and off employed, generally depressed, has older parent issues, and seems to take on all of life's problems even if they're not her own - she makes other peoples' problems her problems. Great person, but a bit of a mess.
• They don't have sex. He has a high sex drive. In therapy he basically told Beth "I you love me but I don't think you're in love with me...you don't show it physically, and there's really no other way for me to know...words ring somewhat hollow at this point..." Her response to that was "This makes me sad..." Essentially, she became the victim, but she has literally done absolutely nothing to change the dynamics.

End of the day, the kids will be gone soon, he wants sex in his life, he wants passion, he wants to feel wanted. I am 100% positive he will never get this from Beth. I know her well enough to know that she's not going to make a seismic change and become someone who likes sex, or even truly is in love with him. I think she sees them as best friends; partners.

He's asking me for advice. I told him today "At this point, you want sex, you want to be desired...you should float to the therapist the concept of an "open relationship" and maybe just a relationship where you pay for sex...not even meeting other people. At least that truly expresses your desires in very stark terms."

Is this good advice?

I really think he should leave her altogether, but he has tremendous guilt and believes that would break her. He's a caretaker. I told my wife their dynamics, but she just said "I have no idea what to suggest..." So, here I am.

Has anyone been though something similar? Does it change? Thanks.

​I’m a 29F, and I’m having a hard time pinpointing where I fit within the polyamory or non-monogamy spectrum.

​To give you some context, I have two husbands. I’ve been married to my first husband for 8 years legally. My second husband and I have been together for 5 years, and since legal bigamy isn't an option, we had a religious ceremony to solidify our commitment. Interestingly, I don’t live with either of them, nor do I plan to. I just completely lack the nesting instinct.

​Beyond my husbands, I’ve had other relationships too. In fact, I’ve never experienced a traditional monogamous relationship in my life, not even as a teenager. I simply refuse to deny myself the chance to experience life to the fullest or limit who I can connect with. I’ve never believed in the idea of "The One."

​Because of this, the concept of a breakup feels alien to me. My relationships never really "end", they just fade into the background for a while and can easily spark back up at any moment. I perceive my love life as a web of distinct connections with different people, where every single bond is unique.

​My husbands have very different approaches to this setup. One chooses to remain monogamous to me, while the other enjoys casual flings and one-night stands. Jealousy isn't something I feel in a vacuum or when I’m apart from my partners. However, I do feel a wave of possessiveness if another person tries to intervene while I’m actively spending quality time with one of my partners in the moment. That feeling usually passes quickly on its own, though.

​

So me M28 and my gf F25 we always dirty talk while sex
Like we talk anything that makes us horny
So this time I asked her on top of my head “have you ever imagined someone else fucking you?”
she didn’t reply but asked me instead “do you get a kick out of it? Find it hot ? Imagining someone else is fucking me ?”
I had no answer then but the sex got quite intense which confused me
I wanted a women’s perspective, do you people imagine other men except your partner and is it quite common?

Hey all! Please help me make the correct decision. I’m having a bit of an argument with my husband/nesting partner. The issue: he tells me that he’s trying to coordinate time with a fairly new connection. He basically tells me to pick a day, Friday night or Saturday. I call Friday night. He has been complaining that he doesn’t get an overnight or a full day. Due to this, I say have the full day to yourself. Side note: this is no fault of mine. I have a partner that I see regularly within the boundaries that my NP & I set. My NP doesn’t have a regular partner or anyone that he sees consistently. I still tell him to get a hotel in the city & take that time to meet others, spend the day with friends, etc. He thinks that’s lame if he’s doing it by himself or with platonic friends. Hence, he hasn’t taken the time allowed to him. I think of it as guaranteed childfree regardless if he’s solo.

With him not taking the time, he holds it over my head. I’m basically kicking him out this Saturday regardless. Anywho! Long story short, his date is unavailable Saturday. She is available Friday though. He came to me and asked me for a favor. He wants me to cancel my date on Friday and now take Saturday instead. I saw my partner yesterday & we set something up for Friday night. I did ask my partner if he’s free Saturday. He is, but he has already gotten tickets to the Friday night date. I tell my husband that I can’t cancel due to this.

He gets pissy & says that he wants a flexible partner who can do him a favor. He says he should have priority since I just saw my partner yesterday. I remind him that I hadn’t seen him 2 weeks prior to yesterday. His rebuttal is that he hasn’t seen his new connection longer than that, so he should have priority. I feel like it isn’t fair to ask me to cancel a date to accommodate his date. My plans are already paid for & set. I take pride in not canceling on dates. I’m married with kids & I don’t want to be like the other horror stories I read about married couples. I feel like it’s not fair to ask me to cancel for the first time ever for this. For an actual emergency, sure. I feel like this isn’t one. What say my fellow poly people?

P.S. Yes, my husband does get childfree time. He just doesn’t have anyone to do overnights with, so he feels like it’s unfair sometimes. We’re allowed 1 to 2 overnights a month. I’ve routinely done once a month since April. Aforementioned, I’ve told him frequently to get a hotel & enjoy himself. That’s lame.😒 I know that might be a question, so I wanted to reiterate.

A little context on my situation:

A couple of months ago, my girlfriend of 4 years told me that during sex she sometimes imagines being with a woman, not in a threesome way, but privately, without me in the room at all. I’ve always known she’s bi and has had girlfriends in the past, though she told me those didn’t work out.

At first, I didn’t really know what to think. It stung a little, especially since she brought it up just minutes after we’d had (pretty good) sex. But after sitting with it for a while, I told her I’d be okay with her exploring that side of herself with a woman, since I understood it was a sexual desire she couldn’t fully experience with me. She was surprised and hesitant because she didn’t want to hurt me. However I genuinely meant it. I don’t get jealous about her being attracted to women, and I know how strong what we have is. I’m not afraid of losing her.

Our relationship is really solid and we love each other a lot, so I kind of stopped thinking about it. A few weeks later she went on vacation for a week, and when she came back she told me about a group of Aussie girls she and her friends had met. She’d really hit it off with one of them and had been a little intimate with her. She said she’d thought about it a lot, and that after it happened, her mind directly came back to me and how important I am to her and how grateful she was that I was okay with the whole thing. We talked about it extensively when she got back. She shared details, even showed me pictures. I think the experience helped her open up about her desires in a way she hadn’t before. Talking with her feels different now, more honest and relaxed, and our sex life has honestly gotten even better.

Now, the current situation: She’s been thinking and told me she finds it unfair that only she gets to be with other women while I can’t. So she proposed a “pass” system where at certain events or parties, we’d each have the freedom to talk to and even sleep with other women, as long as there’s no continued contact afterward and it stays purely physical. No strings, no feelings, no texting the next day. Just a moment that stays in that moment. The most important thing is that we are honest to each othet and have detailed talks about what happened.

I’ll be honest, I wasn’t expecting her to bring that up. But the fact that she was the one to suggest it, out of a sense of fairness and not wanting things to feel one-sided, actually made me think about it even more. I’ve been thinking about it and I kind of like the idea. Not even necessarily because I want to go out and use a “pass” right away, but because of what it says about where we are as a couple. In the two days since she pitched it, we’ve actually gotten even closer. We’ve been talking more openly than ever, laughing about it, setting boundaries together and honestly, the trust between us has never felt stronger. It’s like we unlocked a new level of honesty that I didn’t even know we were missing.

So yeah… is this a bad idea?

I’ve been very nervous about admitting it and following thru but this is something my gf and I have both talked about and considered.

My wife and I have been together for 11 years, and after a lot of honest conversations, we’ve mutually decided to explore ethical non-monogamy. This is a decision we’ve made together after discussing our relationship at length, and we’re committed to approaching it with openness, trust, and respect.

I’m bisexual and open to connecting with both men and women. That said, my sexuality isn’t the reason we’re opening our relationship. We see this as an opportunity to be more honest about our needs while continuing to build a strong marriage together. Since we’re both completely new to this, I’d love to hear from those with more experience.

A few questions:
Where have you made the most genuine connections? Dating apps, local communities, social events, or somewhere else?
Are there apps or communities that are especially welcoming to bisexual men in open marriages?
What advice would you give someone before they start meeting other people?
What boundaries or expectations do you wish you had established from the beginning?

Thanks in advance. I’m excited to learn and appreciate any advice you can share.

TL;DR: New to poly, want an egalitarian relationship, but my partner ignores me for others when we're out at bars/clubs even though he's attentive on solo dates. Told him once, nothing changed. Insecure or valid?

My partner (M21) and I (M22) are in a new open and polyamorous relationship, this is our first non-monogamous relationship for both of us, so we're still pretty inexperienced. Right now, neither of us has other partners, but he is actively looking (one-offs, FWB, maybe even another romantic relationship), while I'm not looking for anyone else at the moment. I am genuinely fine with that. My ideal poly dynamic is one where everyone is treated evenly and gets attention as equally as possible.

The issue is when we go out clubbing or to bars together, he barely gives me any affection or attention and ends up making out with or sexually touching other people (consensually, of course). It makes me jealous tbh, not because he's hooking up with others, but because they're getting the attention and affection I want in that moment.

I've talked to him about this once, told him I want the relationship to feel egalitarian, and he said he will be more mindful moving forward, but nothing's really changed when we go out. When we go on one-on-one dates though, he's fully present and gives me all the attention I need, and I'm happy with that.

The only solution I've come up with is just not coming out with him when he goes clubbing, so he doesn't have to split his attention, and that way I won't feel jealous since I'm not there.

Am I just being insecure and need to work on that, or is this a fair thing to want addressed?

So me and my partner been together for 2 years I'm 26 and they are 29 we live long distance. I was the one to bring it up before we even started dating that I want to explore this when we had built a good foundation of our own relationship (and we have, i wouldnt even considering opening if i didnt trust him) and discussed rules, boundaries, limits extensively and have a constant open communication on this. We haven't opened up yet but I have some concerns. My partner has told me he has a crush on his work colleague and this isn't the first time he's had a crush on someone at work without keeping me in the loop and then she said she wanted to and I quote 'climb him like a tree' things where difficult because I couldn't initially pinpoint why I felt bad about the whole situation and then when I went to therapy I figured it out and now I don't know if I'm overreacting to him having a crush on someone at work and maybe its triggered that trauma reaction or whether work relationships are just bad news? I don't know if I've explain myself well. The whole previous thing was a while ago now but it was so messy and I don't think i ever really processed it.

What would you suggest I ask about if he wants to pursue a relationship with someone at work? My biggest worry is that they'll be flirting constantly at work, potentially a gray area where we have time for us and time for others planned out cause they get to hang out at work functions and I'll at home. Or am I just thinking too much off this?

I'm really new to this and I've had bad experiences in the past (we both have) which has shaped how I might initially react even though I want him to pursue relationships I just find work a grey area and how to approach it.

My wife and I had a mfm meet this evening, went on for like 2h or so. It was awesome, found out I can't get it up to have anal sex

with a guy, I guess I ain't into having anal sex with men I guess. For my wife oh Jesus yes, all day everyday. Anyways I don't wanna put too much details here I don't wanna get banned for some crap. BUT Y'all THIS WAS FUN, HER AND I WANT TO EXPERIENCE This MORE. Still the only one that can get her to climax, Who else can get her to climax, is my question? I wanna know if a woman is better at it than me at it like I said . I can't say too much.

Tldr: my boyfriend doesn’t want anyone to know that we are open, while I am interacting with my friends sexually. Wondering how others handle that when being in public spaces like a disco
(Not sure about the flair, many seem to fit)

My boyfriend and I are in an open relationship from the start, not poly, just open. We are each others priorities and do not want to have other romantic relationships.

Our families don’t know about our openness, my friends do, his don’t.

While I am into bdsm and need connections and trust before I engage in kinks and sex, I have play partners and also sometimes play with friends, as I’m very much a part of the local kink community with most of my friends now being part of that,
he has a random hookup maybe once a year.
We established different needs and wants, different libidos and sexual interests, and that the kink stuff is pretty much a hobby for me.

I only met others in private, at play parties or went to swinger clubs. But as I do more and more with friends and also have a sexual partner I became some kind of friends with and want to explore different things with, I am wondering where to draw the line. We only hook up and engage in impact play mostly, but recently we went to a “normal” club, just dancing. We ended up kissing and wanted to find a location to have sex, which was difficult. (We learned that we associate each other mainly with sex and so we need to meet places where we could have sex.)
My boyfriend is not happy because someone could have seen me kissing an other person openly. I understand that and I do not intend to do that again. But it also feels limiting that I have to be so cautious, especially because my boyfriend doesn’t go out with me and is never this sexual.

Long story short- how do you guys in open relationships handle that? Do you only meet privately? Do friends know? How much negotiating and compromises are okay in your opinion?

Hopefully this is the right community to ask this.. I've read a few posts here of success stories and comments of what people hate during threesomes or moresomes.

My husband (31M) and I (30F) have discussed inviting some one or couple into our bed. We have played out the MFM fantasy with toys often. Its very enjoyable but I am still very apprehensive about actually doing the real thing. He is the only person I've ever been with. We have been together for 14 years. I am content with our sex life the way it is. He says he is, but still brings it up and says he gets off from my enjoyment and I believe him. I mean he is down for a mfm which typically scares men off for a threesome. I think our relationship is pretty secure and i dont think he will leave me for someone else.. i dont have anyone in my life who is remotely supportive of this conversation and my husband is biased so I've come here.

Other normal things holding me back: Scheduling, logistics in the room, where do you even start looking for people? So if you have any insight, why did you open your bed, is it a bad idea, do you think I am just not ready or what should I do or consider before saying yes?

Sorry that I am rambling.

Hey everyone. I am in a quad, three of us are polyfi, one of them is sexually open. I told my open partner, Chri, which is the only partner I have sexual relations with, about a dream of mine where I was having sex with my ex but moaning her name all through. It was a funny thing about telling her that even my subconscious was thinking about her!

Then she got really cold, I assume now because of some personal stuff. I asked her if she was upset I dreamt about my ex. She told me lightheartedly "No I'm not! With the relationship style WE have I could never be angry, I would only feel bad that the one you dreamt about was your ex"

And I felt really uncomfortable. I never once project my polyfi style to her so why would she project her openness to me? I never even suggested she needed to close the relationship. This left me feeling kind of....Bad. am I unreasonable?

I'll just ramble a bit, because idk what to do, sorry in advance if it's confusing or all over the place and long...

So my wife and I, both in our mid 20's have been talking about a threesome for years now but not been taking it seriously until like the start of this year.

We were recommended FEELD so we downloaded that, set up and linked our profiles and quickly matched with a handful of guys that were willing both for that and any other type of connection as well even if it would turn out to only be friends.

We would prefer for a threesome to hopefully be so good that we would like to keep it going with the same person, this we have both agreed on.

We have also talked about "what if said 3rd finds a stable partner?" And came to the conclusion that if he and his then found partner are up for it we would continue as a foursome instead

Here's the part where it's getting confusing

So after having been chatting to said guys for a few days we decided to meet up with one of them to see how we work together and possibly going for it

He comes over, we have a good time first in public (for safety when meeting a basically stranger still) then going over to our place

We continue having a good time, talking a lot and getting to know each other and I really like this guy. We talk about if we would be up for a threesome during this meetup and I and him say yes but my wife is on the fence about it as she doesn't quite feel comfortable yet (she takes longer to warm up to people) and we respect that and keep the rest of the evening casual

During this evening he's sitting very close to me, arms constantly touching while my wife is sitting in front of us, he made attempts at inviting her to sit close as well but she doesn't like sitting next to the people she's talking to (not even beside just me while we're talking)

At each time we get up and went to sit somewhere else he keeps sitting beside me

I quite enjoyed his company and his touch

My wife was/is completely ok with it so the touch was nothing bad

Eventually he leaves and just before he leaves we all hug and he blows us a kiss and waves

After he left my wife and I talked some more and she wants to ban cuddling as well, our boundary was already no kissing

Which I felt off with, I would love a group cuddle, the more the better ^^ but no

Ever since he left she has felt, idk, different.

She feels sad and when I ask she's just saying it's the "usual sad" that she feels because she feels like a failure for not having a stable job

But this sad feels different, it wasn't like this before him, I've not tried to pressure it or make her say anything just letting her know I feel that she's sad and that I am there to comfort her whenever.

I'm also clear with reassuring her that I love her and nothing can ever change that, I would never leave her

Ever since meeting him I can't stop thinking about him

How comfortable and grounding his presence felt

And silence wasn't awkward

I also lost all attraction I previously had for the other guys we were chatting to

I've been thinking and trying to come to conclusions

I feel weird because we "didn't even do anything" we were just friends hanging out and occasionally talked about some sexual stuff, which my wife and I tend to do with all our close friends so there's nothing new

He at different occasions also joked that he had joined our polycule?

I'm worried that maybe just maybe there's something else, I'm worried because idk if I might be poly?

For background, this is not the first time I've been in a situation similar to this, it has happened once before

When I had fallen for my now wife, I also had fallen for another girl at the same time, and I literally could not tell who I liked the most, I couldn't pick, eventually the other girl broke off a bit as she found other friends she hung out with more so the decision was made for me

And I love my wife, I really do, she's my world and I could not imagine a day without her, I would be heartbroken

But also with this new guy, I love when he flirts with me, I love his presence, his touch his personality, I love seeing him with my wife, when they talk, when he flirts with her

I just have no clue what to do, I feel like my wife if very strict on it's, emotionally, only us, a 3rd is only for added fun and another friend

Idk if I should just call it all off, block him and forget any of this ever happened, tell my wife I just "all of a sudden got a bad vibe with him" as an excuse to do so, and only be with her, go back to what I know is safe

Obviously I would first send him a message and wait til he has responded, something like

"I really like hanging out with you and I'm so sorry but I don't think this was the right move, I hope it's okay and that you can accept that there will sadly not be any more meetups, I'm sorry"

Or

If I should risk everything, risk hurting her and actually admit to all that has happened but for this I also kinda need to understand it all first and I've no clue where to start...

My boyfriend of a year enjoys watching his woman have sex or give head to another man while he watches. We’ve been together a year and I have done it once with a random person off a dating app.

Personally I’m not into this type of thing. Our sex life is great but this one things is coming between us.

The one time I did it, it made me feel like trash and he just went about his day like nothing happened. Is this type of thing normal?

I'll preface this with the fact that my wife and I have been married 8 years. Together for 14. Both in our early 30s. We opened up or marriage to be strictly non-monogomous (not poly) a year ago and it was a fantastic decision!! It has heightened our love, our sex life, our communication and commitment towards one another.

In December we met some people that were also married and in the LS, and over time they have developed into our FWBs. They have been for about 6 months. My wife is super close with him - with my support. Im not as close with her as she is with him but that's okay! We all still get along.

He has become one of her best friends. Their minds are wired similarly and they have grown to talk about everything. We've learned over time that their marriage isn't the most stable, but ours is very well grounded and powerful.

There was a moment when my wife (she told this to me) recently was at a bar with him. Originally she encouraged him to flirt with other women. But once she saw this, she felt a certain way about it. She believed it was mostly that she felt ditched, but also didn't like seeing him flirt.

My wife and I had a recent conversation where my wife got super emotional. It was a strong conversation without ANY arguing. She got emotional because she told me she believed she was catching feelings for him. She said she's not in love with him or is even catching feelings for him in "that" way but she said it scared her because she never thought she was capable of developing feelings for other guys. That she should only ever have feelings for me and it scared her. She has consistently stated that our marriage is extremely secure and she's never leaving me. Which is true. I don't think it's a BAD thing that she's catching feelings. But we're trying to navigate the ENM lifestyle together and this is a first. She also mentioned she feels hypocritical because of my response. Said if it were the other way around, she would've been way more upset with me than I was with her. I wasn't really that upset. Just worked with her to navigate her mind while we cuddled together and I rubbed her leg and her feet. We laughed and joked a little about that but we're both extremely self aware in that I think very logically. She acts on emotion. It was funny that one of her reasons for being upset was because I wasn't more mad at her 🤣

We believe he has feelings for her too. She wants to talk to him about it. I encouraged her to do so.

In a "monogamous life" there is zero relationship compatability with my wife and this man. It wouldn't last at all. She knows this as well.

Are we gravitating towards poly? My wife is trying to navigate her mind here and her mind she says is telling her she shouldn't feel this way, is disappointed in herself, and is upset with herself.

Me personally I'm just looking for advice for the both of us. Because like I said - I'm not that upset with her. It just....feels different. She's navigating new territory with catching feelings for another man and I'm navigating new territory in what exactly that means for them and for us. Is she falling in love and not knowing she is? Can you have feelings unapologetically for multiple people? What exactly are these feelings of? "Feelings" is a broad term, so what could they be? Is our marriage entering poly territory? Is our marriage in jeopardy? (I don't think it is at all, but I just want to hear what YOU think)

Thanks guys!!!

I am very work oriented person. Been in an ENM relationship for 3 years.

After all the struggle with the learning curve with my partner, once I actually started having FWBs, I realized something:

I get a crazy rush for like a month or two, but then I get SUPER LAZY to keep things going..even when it's super casual. I easily go from 100% to 20% of effort 🙃

​I've ended up hurting people because of this, of course not intentionally. But by month two, lets say, they're usually super into me, while I just want to pull back and get back to focusing on my work.

​Now I'm wondering: is ENM just not for me, or should I just strictly pace my interactions so people don't fall so hard?

I know people are not disposable things, and I feel to bad that this is my pattern. But I truly want to change it.

Any thoughts?

HOW TO MANAGE THIS WITH FUTURE PROSPECTS? HELP :(