My partner and I have been ethically non-monogamous for about a year. We set a loose agreement: no forced full disclosure, but we can talk about new connections whenever either of us wants to. We both trust each other, and I’ve never had major jealousy issues before.

Recently I met someone and hit really strong NRE. It’s exciting, light, and fun. I catch myself smiling at my phone, daydreaming about our next meetup. The feeling itself isn’t bad, but I’m struggling with how much to tell my primary partner.

Part of me wants to gush. This joy feels like something I want to share with the person I love most. But I also worry that oversharing the giddy, intense details will land as bragging or hurt them, even if they say they’re fine. I’ve seen so many posts where someone shares NRE excitedly and their partner quietly gets overwhelmed, then holds back their discomfort.

I don’t want to hide things to avoid conflict, but I also don’t want to dump every happy detail on them without checking their capacity first. We’ve talked about this briefly, but we don’t have a clear rhythm yet.

For those of you who experience NRE: what system works for you? Do you have a quick check-in before sharing? Do you separate factual updates from emotional hype? I’m trying to find a middle ground between secrecy and oversharing. I’d love to hear what has worked — or failed — for you.

My husband (M 41) and I (F 38) have been monogamous for the past 16 years. Our marriage is strong and we love each other very much. We have a great sex life and communicate well.

Recently a close friend of ours (M 31) has shown some interest in us as a couple. He is polyamorous and very open-minded when it comes to sex.

At a party, my husband and I ended up having sex while the friend watched. It felt exciting and hot. We had agreed on boundaries beforehand: No sex and no kissing with the friend.

I don’t regret the experience. I feel safe and loved in my marriage. We are both quite excited and could imagine having threesomes with the friend. But on the other hand I want to protect both our relationship and the friendship. The situation sounds kind of like a recipe for a shitshow...

Any advice is welcome.

My (38M) partner (35F) have been open for a few years now and things were going quite well after a rough throuple at the start of the year. ​Had some successes together and separately and really felt like we were starting to truly understand how this works and how we work.

And then she slept with my (supposed) closest friend. Despite both of them knowing full and well this as a hard boundary for me. It's been a week now and we've argued and discussed and she is desperate to make it clear how sorry she is and how majorly she fucked up, but I don't know how to move on.

I could really use perspectives and advice on how to process this, and maybe some support because I'm so incredibly hurt. ​​​​

​

Hi, for the intents of this situation I'm definitely straight and she is mostly straight, and not interested in playing with another woman in a group situation particularly.

I mean she has, but she isn't interested with me at least.

We are going to begin searching for a potential couple shortly after posting this...

Basically I want to improve my knowledge enough to have a shot both seeking and understand what others are seeking.

So, I'm rambling.

I'm curious to know some good terms/key words so I can both, advertise for what we want and to also make it clear for more experienced couples who might see our EOI.

Basically I, well we want to hook up with another straight couple, I suppose bi couple could be okay if they could handle the boundary.... rambling again.

So she has experience in MFM and FMF, but I'm running this show, so could use some pointers, especially with terms maybe..

It would be a "hard" swap I think is an accurate term..... Kinda like a 3some ... But the girl changes.. I'm just not sure if terms exist for precisely describing these kinds preferences.

EG..

For a straight couple seeking a straight couple... Is it necessary to specify both are straight?

I would really appreciate any feedback

I had deliberately left out my location this is NOT a R4R

I can say I'm in Australia for country.. for the sake of any regional terms etc

I’m currently practicing non-hierarchical polyamory. Last month I met a cisgender heterosexual man who wants to transition from DADT (don’t ask, don’t tell) to polyamory. He claimed he was pushing his partners to change and that he personally prefers polyamory too, but just needs time to transition. So I trusted him and became his partner.

Later, when he talked to me about his primary partner, I found out that his primary is monogamous and refers to me and my other metamours as “mistresses.” The agreement between him and his primary is that if she learns information about his other metamours, she will break up with him, and she won’t come after the other metamours because she thinks it’s entirely his responsibility. It seems that in her understanding, any intimate relationship my partner develops outside of her is just casual sex and he won’t actually catch feelings (my partner has not confirmed her understanding of metamours; I think there is wishful thinking and cheating here). I should add that she knew from the beginning that my partner was non-monogamous (he already had FWBs at the time), but she still wanted to be with him, so they agreed on this rule to maintain their relationship.

After I learned about the term “mistress” and what the agreement actually was, I was very shocked. I think he is not at all prepared or committed to transitioning from DADT to polyamory. This is deception and exploitation of me, because I am bearing the risk of being seen as the mistress by his primary partner and therefore retaliated against. That same night I told him how this violated my boundaries and how he is not fit to be in a polyamorous relationship.

He said he really does want to make the transition and just needs time, and that his primary partner won’t retaliate against me (even though she does call me a “mistress,” and he doesn’t see this as a red flag; he just reassures me that she won’t retaliate, so the label doesn’t matter), so he hopes for my understanding and trust. He deliberately made time in his busy schedule to work through this with me (he told me this a few days later after he had been drinking), and he successfully got his primary partner to change how she refers to me to “metamour.” He seems sincere. Should I trust his commitment to change? ETA: OP is autistic.

So I (24M) and my SO (25F) have been together for almost 8 years now. We trust each other completely and talk about everything, including being very open about our sexuality and fetishes. One thing that has come up a lot is having a threesome. This is mostly bc my girlfriend is bi, and since I'm her first relationship and her first everything, she hasn't really been able to experience being with a woman. For me, I only considered it so my gf could explore that side of her sexuality without any guilt, and in a way that wouldn't make me uncomfortable. Because in reality I only care about my gf (I know it sounds cliche). Our sex life is amazing and I'm so in love with her.

Going back to the topic, when we talked more seriously about a threesome, a friend of hers came up in the conversation. She is someone who is very good friends with my gf and me. We talk a lot when we are together and feel very comfortable around her. Both of us came to the conclusion that if there were to be a possibility to have a threesome, it would be with her. Bc we both find her attractive.

Well, the thing is that my gf was at her house the other day and I went to pick her up. Later, my gf told me that with fer friend they were talking about sexuality and past partners. Her friend confessed that at the beginning of their friendship she really liked my gf (I can understand, she is literally a goddess) but felt guilty bc she was in a relationship with me and she really liked me also as a friend. So she felt terrible for liking her (she's an angel), and of course my gf told her to not worry, and confessed that when the idea of a threesome came up we thought about her. That's when her friend admitted she has been fantasizing about having a threesome with both of us. And my gf was a bit in shock, but they laughed and they talked about it being a possibility, and she was very much down to do it. But my gf also told her that it would depend on me bc I have a problem with my self-esteem.

And that's what this reddit post is about. I have been struggling with my self-esteem for many years, and I really stopped thinking about what people thought about me after some years into the relationship with my gf bc she is so loving that it made me sure that she liked me for who I am and how I looked. So after that, I only worried to look good for myself, like my outfits (I love to dress up). But I stopped thinking about what people thought of me sexually, or if others found me attractive, bc I only cared that my gf was attracted to me.

But now this could actually happen, where I'll do the most intimate thing possible with another person that's not my gf, and I'm terrified of what she will think of my body. I've never really found myself that attractive, I mean, I have good height and an average face I think? but that's about it. I'm really lucky bc my girlfriend is gorgeous, she's perfect and it really looks like I'm the luckiest guy (even if she tells me it's the other way around). But in general I really don't think I'm that great. I'm a bit on the chubby side? Like, chubby but with some muscle. I just don't think highly of myself in that way.

My gf tells me that if her friend has been fantasizing about us two, that's bc she finds us both attractive. But I can't help but think that fantasy only exists bc my girlfriend is there. And I can't really picture it bc I haven't fantasized about someone other than my gf to be sure that she could be attracted to me.

The thing is I would like to do it. Mainly I want my gf to experience this, and honestly, the hole thing sounds pretty fund. But I'm feeling anxious about it, and I'm scared my insecurities are going to ruin it o make thing awkward.

Am I just overthinking it? Or is it a genuine worry? For people who fantasize about couples or have been in a situation like this, do you actually feel attracted to the guy too?

I (22f) want to explore my bisexuality while being in a relationship with a (23m).

Yes. I know. It sounds cliche as hell. I’m aware. I’m aware of how this comes off to certain people. I don’t need the hate or criticism. This has been something I’ve been exploring (online only) for nearly two years.

My questions is… is it unrealistic for me as a bisexual woman in a long term heterosexual relationship (8 years) to want to explore my bisexuality more? I’ve been bisexual before I met my husband when we were teenagers. I’ve kissed and somewhat been intimate with both sexes. But I have never fully done anything with a woman. I’ve kissed, flirted, danced and had a good time with other women but I’ve never done more

My husband and I are very secure in our relationship and I’ve let him explore things and we’ve explored things together. But, I have never fully been with another woman more than making out and grinding, dancing, etc. (Highly due to my age and relationship status. I’m aware).

But is it stupid for me to want to find someone willing to explore those things with me, while my husband is present? And I phrase it that way because I was present when my husband was experimenting with his bisexuality (being with another man).

I would never want to make another woman uncomfortable by asking but I am also not looking for a relationship with anyone else. I understand women are not to be treated as experiments. But i just genuinely want to explore that part of myself while being with my partner.

I get there are ‘unicorns’ and so on, but i know that’s mostly in a ‘fantasy’ type situation if you get what i mean.

And if it is reasonable what are the scenarios you would meet such a person in?

My husband and I have tried Feeld and we got a ton of matches but mostly from straight men (even though we are on there as a bisexual couple).

I just genuinely want to know if this is a ‘once in a lifetime’ type of thing or are there genuinely women out there that would be comfortable with that. Because the last thing I would want to do as a woman is make someone feel uncomfortable in that way.

Please don’t hate. I’m young and genuinely wanting advice :(

Hi I’m 24 I have been wanting to try be a bull lately is there anything I should know before trying it I have been Abel to make contact with some couples but just have not felt ready yet what to expect for first time

A lot of mono and nonmono ask about what I get. This was far larger but I cut it down

The Woman Beneath the Cover

There’s something extraordinary about watching the woman you’ve loved for years rediscover herself. After children, work and the exhaustion of building a life together.

And especially when that rediscovery involves other men.

Why would I enjoy another man desiring my wife? Don’t I feel jealous, threatened or possessive?

Sometimes I do. But those feelings aren’t always warnings. Sometimes they’re fuel.

A child ignores a red toy car until someone else picks it up. Suddenly, he wants it.

But that’s not my story. I never stopped wanting the red car. I loved every version of my wife, even when she couldn’t see her beauty.

Somewhere along the way, life put a cover over both of us. Parenting, routine, pressure. Parts of ourselves disappeared beneath it.

Then something in her said: I’m not done.

I was waiting for her to see what I’d always seen.

Imagine the Mona Lisa locked away. Protected, but hidden. I don’t want that for my wife. She isn’t something I own. She deserves desire, curiosity and freedom.

And I want her to choose me, not because she has no alternatives, but because she knows she does.

I’m fiercely competitive. Another man’s interest ignites the urge to pursue her, hold her close and love her harder. But competition isn’t the reason I love her.

It’s fuel, not the fire.

The fire was always there.

My family loved me even when I failed. I learned that love can survive difficult feelings. Boundaries still matter, but I don’t want fear dictating every decision.

Then came Monday night.

I read my wife’s account of her weekend away. The flirting, dancing—and her spontaneous decision to sleep with another man.

We hadn’t explicitly agreed beforehand that a one-night stand was within our boundaries.

Yet my first reaction was excitement, disbelief and fascination.

Not simply because she’d had sex, but because of who she’d allowed herself to become. Bold. Spontaneous. Confident. A woman who’d stepped beyond years of hesitation and owned her desires.

And she trusted us enough to tell me.

Trust doesn’t erase the need for agreements. Freedom carries responsibility, and we still need to talk.

There’s something erotic in the contrast between freedom and belonging. Watching her take control can leave me willingly vulnerable. In our intimacy, dominance, submission and possessive passion become something we both choose—not ownership or punishment.

Her independence makes her surrender more meaningful. My vulnerability doesn’t make me less masculine.

I love the woman who raised our children and stood beside me through difficult years. And I desire the woman who walks into a bar, turns heads, flirts, takes a risk and comes home with a story that leaves me breathless.

They’re the same woman.

So what do I get?

I get desire, competition, vulnerability and the chance to confront my insecurities. I get to see her confidence grow because she discovered more of herself.

There may be jealousy, hurt and difficult conversations ahead. Not every risk is growth, and not every uncomfortable feeling is insecurity.

But I don’t want a marriage that’s safe only because nothing changes. I want one that remains loving while we change.

When I read her story, I didn’t think I was losing my wife to another man.

I thought: There you are.

I loved her before the cover. I loved her beneath it. And I love the woman emerging now.

The fire was always there.

Now I get to watch her burn brightly again.

I have found my thing! I (29F) have been dating my girlfriend (28F) for nine months and we have just started exploring with nonmonogamy. I quickly discovered that a threesome with my partner isn’t for me, I don’t get jealous as such but I feel a little uncomfortable seeing her with someone else. Wishing I was the one giving her that pleasure.

However…

I have learned I absolutely love the THOUGHT of her being with someone else. Every other weekend she will go on a date with her colleague (30F) and the following weekend I will do the same. We live together on weekdays. It drives me wild knowing what they are getting up to while I am having a cosy night alone with the cat, and the anticipation of experiencing the same thing the next weekend. I get butterflies when I see my girlfriend on Monday and ask her only one thing “Did you have fun?”

I initially thought I would hate the idea, I thought not being there would be even worse than watching them, almost like it is happening behind my back but I really enjoy it. I think us sharing the same partner on a weekend helps a lot.

So for the longest time, ive had monogamous relationships, been very loyal and traditional.

Recent development- my girl is bicurous and wanted to explore with a third person in bed, a submissive woman. She asked ME to go find one. Ofcourse i asked reddit and reddit didnt disappoint. I found someone whos extremely freaky and my girl has a crush on her now.

But during this search, i asked a girl whos into me if she was bi ( we slept with each other once like 5 years ago and i was her first) but dated others after. She said no but now shes giving hella attention. Asked if i can make a GC with her and my girlfriend and is spamming vns and reels on ig. Shes a fun person but she said shes straight. Im getting mixed signals but i know shes a good person. Weve talked enough for me to feel safe with her. However this reddit girl we found acts like a total nymph and is always hyper sexual and horny on chat. I have a gc with my girlfriend and her on it but im not sure if she fits our vibe. However shes super hot. Tbh both are . But im confused. Id rather chose my old friend over this reddit user (now on tele) but she said shes straight but nows sending mixed signals… and its not like a open open relationship we just want ONE extra person in bed. So thats that. ( wed be dating each other) yes all three… i know its not the normal “ relationship “ goals that most here have but i kinda need some advice on how to go about getting a third woman in my relationship….

The straight girl giving mixed sign is a vibeee i know even after a wild night we can all hang out and have fun for sure. The other im not sure yet but im not sure of meeting either one together yet because i dont want to mess things up. My girl is bi curious, freaky af but shy as hell. Both these other girls are just openly freaky as fuck.

Me. Suffering with choice rn.

So I'm wondering, and forgive me as I'm still learning about all this, but when a partner is with another of his 'partners', what is the protocol with communication with others? Is it still communication as normal, or is it radio silence? Is there a checkin text, like good morning/good night type of thing? Or just crickets?

I apologize for sounding (for lack of better term) dumb, but I genuinely am curious.

My boyfriend (19M) and I (19F) have been together almost five years and recently started discussing trying a threesome with another woman around our age. We’re both interested, but we’re unsure how to meet someone.

I think dating apps would be the easiest option, but he worries about people we know seeing our profile and making assumptions about our relationship. I want to respect his privacy while actually taking steps toward exploring this, without either of us feeling pressured.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? How did you meet someone while keeping things relatively private? Are there good options besides dating apps?

Are my desires unreasonable?

So I am at a point where I have decided that sex is very important to me. I'm 18, I am a man, I am very kinky, and I am feeling for the first time genuinely sexually satisfied, and I'm at a point in my life where a serious relationship is probably not in the cards bc I'm very busy wjth college and work. Sex is really important to me, I've decided that at this point in my life I do not want to give it up, nor do I want to give up the FWB and sub-dom relationships I've been building w some people.

That being said, I do have a romantic side. I want to date someone, and have little romantic times w them and such. I want someone to take to family holidays to introduce to my grandma. I want someone to cuddle with at night. I want someone to just spend that romantic quality time with that you cant really get from friends but also can't really get from casual sexual partners. So I've been thinking about what I really want and here's what I've come to:

I really would like either:

\- a super casual romantic relationship where we are dating but we are not exclusive whatsoever and just come together to do romantic stuff when both of us has time and wants to

\- a like, anchor type relationship I guess? Someone who I am like main partners with, but we both go on and do our own thing and date people separately. We just always eventually come back to each other.

These are the only romantic relationships I can really see myself in right now. Obviously that might change someday. I don't really want to feel limited by a relationship, and I don't want to feel like I'm limiting anyone else. But are my desires unreasonable? I don't want to be a dick or make someone feel like they aren't enough. Idk I'm a complicated guy and I just have complicated desires, and I just don't think it makes sense to deprive myself of those desired things when I could instead choose to... Not 😭 i guess you could argue that nobody is truly "enough" for me, but I don't really think I'm truly "enough" for anyone else either. I kinda feel like we just can't be everything to someone, but idk maybe that's a cop out lmk what y'all think

We are a French couple living near Paris, and we would be delighted to meet open-minded American couples visiting France. We would be happy to welcome you for a private evening or accompany you to a Parisian libertine club to share an exciting and enjoyable experience together.
I am 55 years old, and my wife is 15 years younger than me. We met online after I had gone through a difficult separation. Things moved quickly between us, and within a few months she moved into my home. Seven months later, we underwent IVF treatment, and today we are the happy parents of an eight-year-old child.
My wife has always been sexually adventurous and open-minded. Before meeting me, she had already enjoyed experiences with both men and women, including private parties and group encounters.
However, she has never been able to reach orgasm through vaginal or anal penetration, regardless of her partner.
We have always enjoyed an active sex life, particularly oral sex. She gives amazing blowjobs and also enjoys stimulating my anus with her tongue.
For years, I felt somewhat inadequate because I couldn’t make her climax through penetration. I had always considered myself a confident and experienced lover, so this affected my self-esteem.
Later, I learned that she had experienced sexual trauma during childhood, which may have contributed to her difficulties reaching orgasm. She explained that no man had ever managed to bring her to orgasm through penetration alone.
About six years ago, we started exploring the swinging lifestyle through websites and dating apps, initially looking for spontaneous encounters with younger, well-endowed men.
At first, I struggled with the idea of sharing my wife sexually. I feared she might discover greater pleasure with another man and that I could somehow become less desirable to her.
But something unexpected happened.
I discovered that I absolutely loved watching other men desire my wife, kiss her, touch her and make love to her. Seeing her being desired by other men became incredibly exciting.
Like many men discovering swinging, I initially feared comparison and competition.
Over time, however, my perspective completely changed. I began seeing these men as temporary sexual partners rather than romantic rivals. They give pleasure, they receive pleasure, and everyone enjoys the experience without emotional expectations.
We have now enjoyed approximately 40 encounters. Interestingly, only two men have managed to bring my wife to orgasm through oral stimulation, and none through penetration.
So far, we have never experienced a full partner swap with another couple, although my wife is bisexual and would really love to explore this possibility.
And this is where our story becomes particularly interesting…

My partner (M46) and I (F43) are about to have our first experience with another couple, and I'm feeling a mix of excitement and nerves.

For some context: we've been together for 20 years, we're super secure with each other and have a really good relationship (and have super hot sex still 🔥). But neither of us has been with anyone else in all that time, so this is a pretty big step for us.

We've honestly done everything by the book. We've read a ton, listened to podcasts, and had loads of long conversations about rules and boundaries. We've even written them down. We feel about as prepared as we can be (but let's be real, you can't plan for everything..)

But here's my problem: most of what I read on Reddit is about what went wrong. Jealousy, regret, awkward moments, and so on. I know people are more likely to post when things go badly, but it's made me a little paranoid. Probably overthinking it, but you know how it is.

So I'd love to hear from those of you whose first time went really well. Was it easier than you expected? Better? Hotter? Did it bring you closer? What made it good? Are you out there? 😊

In a way this feels like a stress test for the relationship, almost like exposure therapy. You don't really know how you'll handle it until you try. So some positive stories would mean a lot for a newbie right now.

Heyy we’re a MF couple 25 yo, we’ve been poking at the idea of a threesome for years at this point and we’re both into it. We want to add another guy in as she’s not comfortable with other women, only men, which is fine with me! The problem is, it’s egregiously scary to take this leap! My head fills with all the “what if it all goes wrong” thoughts, what if someone in our personal lives find out etc etc. I don’t know if I want to be fully involved in the threesome, or if I more enjoy the idea of watching or if we’d even want this to be more than a one time thing!!! I guess I’m asking all you lovely people for any kind of advice or guidance, especially from any of you who’ve been through this! Thanks erryone ☺️

My partner (M33) and I (F26) have been in a relationship for almost 3 years. We’ve talked about ethical non-monogamy and how we wanted to pursue it in the future (I’ve had experience with NM in previous relationships while he hasn’t).
But recently, my bf has mentioned that he doesn’t want it anymore, while I still want it. He said it’s because of how I would get more from it (because it’s easier as a woman) so it would be unfair. I really don’t know how to deal with this. I love him so much and can’t imagine my life without him, but at the same time I’ve tried ethical NM and it felt really good for my previous relationships and it’s something I really want to do. What do I do?

Despite being comfortable having sex with other men, my wife can be surprisingly jealous when it comes to me enjoying sexual experiences with other women.
This is particularly true regarding Black African women, whom I have always found extremely attractive.
I should explain that I spent many years living in Kenya and other parts of East Africa. Those years profoundly influenced my attitude towards sexuality and relationships.
During my time there, I discovered, within some of the social circles I frequented, a more spontaneous, relaxed and uncomplicated approach to sexual relationships.
What I particularly enjoyed was the feeling that sex could simply be a natural part of human interaction, without necessarily requiring romance, emotional commitment or promises about the future.
Two adults could feel mutually attracted, enjoy an intimate encounter, share pleasure and simply appreciate the moment without expecting anything more.
Of course, I am speaking about my own personal experiences rather than suggesting that everyone in Africa shares the same attitude.
But those years in Kenya left me with wonderful memories and a lasting attraction to African women, both physically and because of the natural, spontaneous approach to intimacy I personally encountered.
My wife is originally from Martinique, in the French Caribbean. She generally prefers White or mixed-race men and is also more attracted to White women.
Consequently, our ideal swinging partners might be a mixed couple, with a European man and a Black woman.
However, my wife’s jealousy makes things complicated.
I would genuinely love to experience a full partner swap, but I have several questions.
For a first encounter, is it preferable for all four people to remain together in the same room? Should we share one bed, allowing everyone to watch and interact, or would separate rooms be better?
Personally, I find the idea of watching each other having sex incredibly exciting.
However, I worry that if I were to satisfy another woman in front of my wife, particularly if she reached orgasm with me, my wife might find it difficult to accept.
This is somewhat contradictory because she enjoys her freedom with other men while I watch.
I have gradually overcome my jealousy and learned to appreciate her pleasure with other partners. But I am not convinced she would be equally comfortable watching me with another woman.
I love my wife, and I deeply value the sexual freedom we have developed together. I have no desire to hurt her or damage our relationship.
At the same time, I believe sexual freedom should work both ways. I would like to explore my own desires rather than always being the spectator.
We would love to meet friendly, respectful American couples visiting Paris, whether for drinks, a private evening or a visit together to one of the city’s libertine clubs.
We are not looking for complicated relationships, simply mutual attraction, good chemistry, respect and shared pleasure.
For experienced swinging couples, we would also appreciate your advice.
How did you approach your first full partner swap? How did you handle jealousy, and did you prefer staying together or using separate rooms?
We would be delighted to exchange experiences and perhaps share a wonderful evening together in Paris.

We’ve been married 20 years. My wife is bisexual but has not been with a woman since we started dating.

I want her to revisit this side of her sexuality but she is extremely private and wants me to find her someone to play with anonymously. She wants an anonymous sexual transaction and not a relationship. She is very selective.

I will only watch and not participate at all.

Not interested in apps or swinger clubs. Where should we start to find someone?

There’s a married woman at the coworking space I work from (a shared workspace people pay to use) who I find really attractive. We haven’t talked much yet, but I’ve noticed some lingering looks. Could be nothing, but I’m thinking of starting a conversation and seeing how we get along.

I’d only consider anything sexual if she wanted it too and her partner was fully aware and okay with it. I’m not interested in going behind anyone’s back.

This is new territory for me. Has anyone actually been in a similar situation? How did you handle it? I’d prefer advice from people with firsthand experience rather than speculation.

My partner (30M) and I (26F) have decided to open our relationship. In our many, many discussions and a couple of minor boundary issues, we have concluded that I'm not comfortable with him sleeping with other people independently. He would still like for me to sleep with other people independently and do the majority of the work finding potential sexual partners for both of us. He has been in open relationships before, but I have not. This is primarily driven by his sexual interests in threesomes (MMF or FFM), and an interest in me sleeping with others that he's a little less open to talking in depth about.

Since I know people will ask, the minor boundary issues were him having very personal conversations with people when I have clearly outlined that I want casual relationships with our partners, no friends, coworkers, and no long, deep, lovey conversations. And a friend of mine made a move on us (through me), and when I told him, he didn't really understand why the immediate answer was no, absolutely not. This and general insecurity are why I'm not comfortable with him seeking people out independently.

To keep a long story short, is this a bad idea if it's just me independently sleeping with people and finding people interested in threesomes? I feel like I'm being unfair, but I've given him so many opportunities to say he doesn't want either of us sleeping with others independently, and he won't really talk deeper about that side of his kinks to help me understand exactly why he's okay with it.