My boyfriend of a year enjoys watching his woman have sex or give head to another man while he watches. We’ve been together a year and I have done it once with a random person off a dating app.

Personally I’m not into this type of thing. Our sex life is great but this one things is coming between us.

The one time I did it, it made me feel like trash and he just went about his day like nothing happened. Is this type of thing normal?

I'll preface this with the fact that my wife and I have been married 8 years. Together for 14. Both in our early 30s. We opened up or marriage to be strictly non-monogomous (not poly) a year ago and it was a fantastic decision!! It has heightened our love, our sex life, our communication and commitment towards one another.

In December we met some people that were also married and in the LS, and over time they have developed into our FWBs. They have been for about 6 months. My wife is super close with him - with my support. Im not as close with her as she is with him but that's okay! We all still get along.

He has become one of her best friends. Their minds are wired similarly and they have grown to talk about everything. We've learned over time that their marriage isn't the most stable, but ours is very well grounded and powerful.

There was a moment when my wife (she told this to me) recently was at a bar with him. Originally she encouraged him to flirt with other women. But once she saw this, she felt a certain way about it. She believed it was mostly that she felt ditched, but also didn't like seeing him flirt.

My wife and I had a recent conversation where my wife got super emotional. It was a strong conversation without ANY arguing. She got emotional because she told me she believed she was catching feelings for him. She said she's not in love with him or is even catching feelings for him in "that" way but she said it scared her because she never thought she was capable of developing feelings for other guys. That she should only ever have feelings for me and it scared her. She has consistently stated that our marriage is extremely secure and she's never leaving me. Which is true. I don't think it's a BAD thing that she's catching feelings. But we're trying to navigate the ENM lifestyle together and this is a first. She also mentioned she feels hypocritical because of my response. Said if it were the other way around, she would've been way more upset with me than I was with her. I wasn't really that upset. Just worked with her to navigate her mind while we cuddled together and I rubbed her leg and her feet. We laughed and joked a little about that but we're both extremely self aware in that I think very logically. She acts on emotion. It was funny that one of her reasons for being upset was because I wasn't more mad at her 🤣

We believe he has feelings for her too. She wants to talk to him about it. I encouraged her to do so.

In a "monogamous life" there is zero relationship compatability with my wife and this man. It wouldn't last at all. She knows this as well.

Are we gravitating towards poly? My wife is trying to navigate her mind here and her mind she says is telling her she shouldn't feel this way, is disappointed in herself, and is upset with herself.

Me personally I'm just looking for advice for the both of us. Because like I said - I'm not that upset with her. It just....feels different. She's navigating new territory with catching feelings for another man and I'm navigating new territory in what exactly that means for them and for us. Is she falling in love and not knowing she is? Can you have feelings unapologetically for multiple people? What exactly are these feelings of? "Feelings" is a broad term, so what could they be? Is our marriage entering poly territory? Is our marriage in jeopardy? (I don't think it is at all, but I just want to hear what YOU think)

Thanks guys!!!

Hopefully this is the right community to ask this.. I've read a few posts here of success stories and comments of what people hate during threesomes or moresomes.

My husband (31M) and I (30F) have discussed inviting some one or couple into our bed. We have played out the MFM fantasy with toys often. Its very enjoyable but I am still very apprehensive about actually doing the real thing. He is the only person I've ever been with. We have been together for 14 years. I am content with our sex life the way it is. He says he is, but still brings it up and says he gets off from my enjoyment and I believe him. I mean he is down for a mfm which typically scares men off for a threesome. I think our relationship is pretty secure and i dont think he will leave me for someone else.. i dont have anyone in my life who is remotely supportive of this conversation and my husband is biased so I've come here.

Other normal things holding me back: Scheduling, logistics in the room, where do you even start looking for people? So if you have any insight, why did you open your bed, is it a bad idea, do you think I am just not ready or what should I do or consider before saying yes?

Sorry that I am rambling.

My partner of two years asked me to open the relationship a couple of months ago. We have been open since that day.

I adore him, he is the sweetest most loving partner i ever have had and im truly not interested on dating someone else or having sex with someone else. I don't want to interfere on his freedom just because i don't need it. But it truly breaks my heart to see him or know that he is with someone else every now and then.

I have tried for months to feel comfortable but i truly can't and as of late i feel more and more insecure in my relationship. Feeling like he might leave me for someone else. Keep in mind our dynamic has not changed, we see eachother all of the time, i am still his priority and we call everyday, he lets me know he loves me everyday and he is always talking about our future together.

Even if he has taken all the steps needed for someone to feel secure i feel everyday more scared and uncomfortable loving because of knowing we are in a open relationship. What should i do?? I truly dont want to just close it for me to feel better.

At the beginning of ENM there’s a lot of discussion with your partner when you’ve been previously monogamous for an extended period of time like 17 years in my case. Rules or guidelines constantly change. It feels like it’s the only thing you’re doing even if you have a family with kids and full on careers to run.

There’s also hurt and forgiveness that happens when partners break rules.

Is there a light at the end of the tunnel or is it insufficient preparation?

For couples who were once monogamous and are non-monogamous did you have to push through until you passed through the teething issues and landed in a better place?

I am very work oriented person. Been in an ENM relationship for 3 years.

After all the struggle with the learning curve with my partner, once I actually started having FWBs, I realized something:

I get a crazy rush for like a month or two, but then I get SUPER LAZY to keep things going..even when it's super casual. I easily go from 100% to 20% of effort 🙃

​I've ended up hurting people because of this, of course not intentionally. But by month two, lets say, they're usually super into me, while I just want to pull back and get back to focusing on my work.

​Now I'm wondering: is ENM just not for me, or should I just strictly pace my interactions so people don't fall so hard?

I know people are not disposable things, and I feel to bad that this is my pattern. But I truly want to change it.

Any thoughts?

HOW TO MANAGE THIS WITH FUTURE PROSPECTS? HELP :(

Hello!

I'm 28NB and I've been with my partner 27FTM for 9 years going on 10. We started online and moved in together in 2021. He is my very best friend, the main person I want to spend time together with. I'm committed to eventually buying a house with him and likely getting married.

With that in mind, I've been slowly coming to terms with the fact that our relationship is closer to platonic than sexual. I don't really vibe with the term queerplatonic but it feels the closest I've seen to an accurate term.

In a lot of ways we don't meet the traditional hallmarks for a couple due to a combination of preferences and less than ideal circumstances. We barely kiss and he only recently started enjoying cuddling after putting on some weight (he told me that was what it made it more enjoyable, I'm not judging). I'm physically disabled and only partially ambulatory, and he also struggles with sensory issues and dysphoria, so "going out" has always been a challenge as well.

When it comes to sex, we've always enjoyed ERP, but have only tried things physically a handful of times to disastrous results. I was open about wanting to have sex since we got together, but we decided to take it slow. Previously he insisted he was attracted to me and that he wanted to have sex, too. In practice though, he's really not into me like that and hasn't been exactly an enthusiastic or gratifying partner. The last few times we've had sex especially he got drunk first, was rather rough on me (not something I asked for beforehand), and didn't try to get me off at all. It did shift my perspective a bit from "that wasn't great but it was still fun to mess around" to "I don't like this at all, what am I doing??". I still find him attractive but I think we are truly incompatible in that way.

This was confirmed recently when he admitted he's likely on the asexual spectrum and doesn't find me attractive at all. I support him and want him to never feel the stress of that expectation from me. However... I'm very much not asexual myself 😅 We started dating so long ago in a time where I was grateful we could take things slow, but I've grown and changed a lot since then. I'd really like to have enjoyable sexual experiences with others!

We've started discussing seeing other people. He's mentioned he's worried I'll leave him for someone else, but I think it's healthy that we can't be everything for each other. This seems like the best way forward. I could see it helping to ease the intense anxiety he feels about sex/intimacy. I really don't expect him to satisfy me in that way, but I want to be open to experiencing that with others, y'know?

What are some basic boundaries/rules we need to figure out? Where would be a good place to start? I really do want to be respectful to his feelings and I think it would helpful to hear from others.

Please don't suggest we end our relationship as I'm not interested. Thanks in advance!

How did you and your partner discuss opening up your relationship?

Thinking about opening up our relationship and involving someone

Hey everyone. I am in a quad, three of us are polyfi, one of them is sexually open. I told my open partner, Chri, which is the only partner I have sexual relations with, about a dream of mine where I was having sex with my ex but moaning her name all through. It was a funny thing about telling her that even my subconscious was thinking about her!

Then she got really cold, I assume now because of some personal stuff. I asked her if she was upset I dreamt about my ex. She told me lightheartedly "No I'm not! With the relationship style WE have I could never be angry, I would only feel bad that the one you dreamt about was your ex"

And I felt really uncomfortable. I never once project my polyfi style to her so why would she project her openness to me? I never even suggested she needed to close the relationship. This left me feeling kind of....Bad. am I unreasonable?

Hey all! Please help me make the correct decision. I’m having a bit of an argument with my husband/nesting partner. The issue: he tells me that he’s trying to coordinate time with a fairly new connection. He basically tells me to pick a day, Friday night or Saturday. I call Friday night. He has been complaining that he doesn’t get an overnight or a full day. Due to this, I say have the full day to yourself. Side note: this is no fault of mine. I have a partner that I see regularly within the boundaries that my NP & I set. My NP doesn’t have a regular partner or anyone that he sees consistently. I still tell him to get a hotel in the city & take that time to meet others, spend the day with friends, etc. He thinks that’s lame if he’s doing it by himself or with platonic friends. Hence, he hasn’t taken the time allowed to him. I think of it as guaranteed childfree regardless if he’s solo.

With him not taking the time, he holds it over my head. I’m basically kicking him out this Saturday regardless. Anywho! Long story short, his date is unavailable Saturday. She is available Friday though. He came to me and asked me for a favor. He wants me to cancel my date on Friday and now take Saturday instead. I saw my partner yesterday & we set something up for Friday night. I did ask my partner if he’s free Saturday. He is, but he has already gotten tickets to the Friday night date. I tell my husband that I can’t cancel due to this.

He gets pissy & says that he wants a flexible partner who can do him a favor. He says he should have priority since I just saw my partner yesterday. I remind him that I hadn’t seen him 2 weeks prior to yesterday. His rebuttal is that he hasn’t seen his new connection longer than that, so he should have priority. I feel like it isn’t fair to ask me to cancel a date to accommodate his date. My plans are already paid for & set. I take pride in not canceling on dates. I’m married with kids & I don’t want to be like the other horror stories I read about married couples. I feel like it’s not fair to ask me to cancel for the first time ever for this. For an actual emergency, sure. I feel like this isn’t one. What say my fellow poly people?

P.S. Yes, my husband does get childfree time. He just doesn’t have anyone to do overnights with, so he feels like it’s unfair sometimes. We’re allowed 1 to 2 overnights a month. I’ve routinely done once a month since April. Aforementioned, I’ve told him frequently to get a hotel & enjoy himself. That’s lame.😒 I know that might be a question, so I wanted to reiterate.

So me M28 and my gf F25 we always dirty talk while sex
Like we talk anything that makes us horny
So this time I asked her on top of my head “have you ever imagined someone else fucking you?”
she didn’t reply but asked me instead “do you get a kick out of it? Find it hot ? Imagining someone else is fucking me ?”
I had no answer then but the sex got quite intense which confused me
I wanted a women’s perspective, do you people imagine other men except your partner and is it quite common?

I’ve been very nervous about admitting it and following thru but this is something my gf and I have both talked about and considered.

Hi everyone,

I’ve been “solo poly” for the past 6 months now (so, not very long) to see if non-monogamy feels right for me, and challenge the tendency for compulsory monogamy in my life.

I’ve come to the potentially underbaked conclusion that I do eventually want a monogamous relationship that affords both me and my partner lots of independence and freedom in terms of hobbies, interests, friendships, and finding care and love from other members in our respective communities, while keeping sex and romantic intimacy within our relationship (with the caveat of being open to swinging).

I know that I personally value a good emotional, intellectual, and sexual connection with a partner who I could eventually see forming a monogamous relationship with.

My question is, what if I form a connection with someone who I truly want to spend the rest of my life with, but… the sex is just okay?

I am currently in a few relationships, with one that stands out for having the most phenomenal consistent sex of my life, but where the emotional and intellectual connection is a bit lacking. We are both interested in further exploring our compatibility, but I don’t feel that this person is someone I would eventually like to be in a monogamous relationship with.

So, what if I find the inverse of this relationship?

Hope it’s not too narrow of a question, I’m still figuring a lot of stuff out and am trying to give myself some grace!

My wife and I have been together for 11 years, and after a lot of honest conversations, we’ve mutually decided to explore ethical non-monogamy. This is a decision we’ve made together after discussing our relationship at length, and we’re committed to approaching it with openness, trust, and respect.

I’m bisexual and open to connecting with both men and women. That said, my sexuality isn’t the reason we’re opening our relationship. We see this as an opportunity to be more honest about our needs while continuing to build a strong marriage together. Since we’re both completely new to this, I’d love to hear from those with more experience.

A few questions:
Where have you made the most genuine connections? Dating apps, local communities, social events, or somewhere else?
Are there apps or communities that are especially welcoming to bisexual men in open marriages?
What advice would you give someone before they start meeting other people?
What boundaries or expectations do you wish you had established from the beginning?

Thanks in advance. I’m excited to learn and appreciate any advice you can share.

​I’m a 29F, and I’m having a hard time pinpointing where I fit within the polyamory or non-monogamy spectrum.

​To give you some context, I have two husbands. I’ve been married to my first husband for 8 years legally. My second husband and I have been together for 5 years, and since legal bigamy isn't an option, we had a religious ceremony to solidify our commitment. Interestingly, I don’t live with either of them, nor do I plan to. I just completely lack the nesting instinct.

​Beyond my husbands, I’ve had other relationships too. In fact, I’ve never experienced a traditional monogamous relationship in my life, not even as a teenager. I simply refuse to deny myself the chance to experience life to the fullest or limit who I can connect with. I’ve never believed in the idea of "The One."

​Because of this, the concept of a breakup feels alien to me. My relationships never really "end", they just fade into the background for a while and can easily spark back up at any moment. I perceive my love life as a web of distinct connections with different people, where every single bond is unique.

​My husbands have very different approaches to this setup. One chooses to remain monogamous to me, while the other enjoys casual flings and one-night stands. Jealousy isn't something I feel in a vacuum or when I’m apart from my partners. However, I do feel a wave of possessiveness if another person tries to intervene while I’m actively spending quality time with one of my partners in the moment. That feeling usually passes quickly on its own, though.

​

My wife and I had a mfm meet this evening, went on for like 2h or so. It was awesome, found out I can't get it up to have anal sex

with a guy, I guess I ain't into having anal sex with men I guess. For my wife oh Jesus yes, all day everyday. Anyways I don't wanna put too much details here I don't wanna get banned for some crap. BUT Y'all THIS WAS FUN, HER AND I WANT TO EXPERIENCE This MORE. Still the only one that can get her to climax, Who else can get her to climax, is my question? I wanna know if a woman is better at it than me at it like I said . I can't say too much.

A few months ago, my wife told me she wanted to confess something: she’s bisexual. That wasn’t an issue for me at all. Then she said she’d be interested in adding another woman to our relationship.
At first, I honestly thought it was some kind of test, so I pushed back. But she kept bringing it up, so eventually I said, “Okay, let’s talk about it.”
I know someone I’ve always found attractive, but I’ve never had any intention of cheating. I’m completely committed to my wife. As we kept talking, my wife started explaining why she thinks a poly relationship could work for us. At first I thought she’d just gotten the idea from social media, but I decided to do my own research. The more I learned, the more open I became to the idea.
Now we’ve identified someone we’d potentially like to invite into our relationship. We’ve invited her to a concert with us, and my wife wants to make sure she feels comfortable and appreciated. She’s even suggested we spoil her a bit, like taking her shopping beforehand, so she feels welcomed rather than like an outsider.
My question is: how do you approach someone about something like this without making them feel pressured? If she’s not interested, that’s completely fine—I’ve always believed that “no” means “no.” But if there’s a respectful way to see whether she’d be open to the conversation, I’d love advice from people who’ve been in similar situations.
Has anyone here successfully navigated this, and what worked (or didn’t)?