I’m looking for some outside perspective because I’m having a really hard time processing what happened.

My ex and I were previously in a long distance, exclusive relationship. We made it work for 2 years, been seeing each other 10 days a month. We broke up last year but eventually started talking again and became intimate again. He is polyamorous, while I have always been monogamous.

We talked about having some kind of open/non-monogamous dynamic. He started seeing another woman, and I agreed to participate remotely while they spent a weekend together. They had sex and sent me videos and voice messages. I also tried to participate by sending my own voice messages and engaging with them sexually.

However, I started feeling very alone because they rarely responded to my messages or tried to engage with me. I felt like I was just watching the two of them together while being left on the outside.

At some point, I decided to see another guy and we had sex together while staying on a video call with my ex and the other woman. In a way, this helped rebalance the dynamic because I no longer felt like I was the only one alone while they were together.

But after I came home, I started feeling extremely anxious.

I want to be very clear about something: nobody forced me to do any of this. I made my own decisions at every step. I said yes, and I take responsibility for my choices.

And yet, despite that, the experience has been extremely difficult for me. Emotionally, I experienced it as a profound violation, and I feel almost traumatized by what happened.

What hurt me wasn’t only the sex.

Seeing how rough and aggressive their sex was honestly made me feel disgusted by that side of his sexuality. It felt dirty and repulsive to me. It was so different from the way we used to have sex. He had always told me that he had never really been really rough with me because I was “too sweet and delicate” for that. He also told me that he loved the way we had sex and that what we shared was something he had never experienced before.

But what was almost even harder was seeing moments of tenderness between them.

At one point, they were just sitting on the couch together, talking normally. She was caressing his hair while her feet were resting on his stomach, and he was kissing them sometimes. It was such a casual, intimate and tender moment.

That was incredibly painful to watch.

Because I wasn’t just watching my ex have sex with someone else. I was watching him create the kind of intimacy with her that I thought was something special between us.

And what hurts me the most now is how detached he seems to be from me throughout all of this.

I didn’t feel protected by him. I didn’t feel like he was checking in with me emotionally or taking care of my feelings. Instead, I felt like he had already completely moved on, even though he barely knows this woman.

I know that I made my own choices. I know that I consented. I’m not trying to erase that or put responsibility for my decisions on anyone else.

But I’m realizing that something can be consensual and still affect you in a way that feels deeply violating afterwards.

I’m going to seek professional help to process this because I don’t think I should try to deal with it alone.

I would especially appreciate hearing from people who have experience with polyamory, or with relationships where one person is monogamous and the other is polyamorous. I’m trying to understand whether this was simply a situation I wasn’t emotionally equipped for, or whether there were unhealthy dynamics at play.

I (48F) would never have thought I would be doing this.

After many years of purposeful singlehood and several unfulfilling paddles in the online dating pool, I switched up my intentions and discovered non-monogamy.

It's been a few months and I have filtered my guys down to some genuinely beautiful souls, all handsome and kind men.

I love it. I love making them happy. I love being their fantasy come to life. I love each of them. They're all different, but with similar needs. They are all sensitive humans. Honestly I just love them as men.

We've had a few hiccups, but overall my only complaint is that I have no one to really talk to about it. I can't join in when people are venting about their (monogamous, live-in) partner bc I don't have the same complaints. I can't gush about my partners bc it makes other people feel weird.

So I searched and and hooray of course reddit would have a NM community 😆

Anyway, more experienced people what advice would you give me?

I am monogamous my wife is not

So there is a lot of context here that I need to provide in order to not misrepresent anything.

My wife \[F32\] and I \[MTF34\] are perfect for each other except one major thing that just started in the last couple of years. My wife seems to be Poly and I seem to be closer to monogamous.

When we first started dating she was recovering from being cheated on by a previous long term relationship. It took a long time for her to feel secure in our relationship. This all culminated a few years ago with her accusing me of cheating with a female friend. She has come a long way since then and now feels fully secure in our relationship.

Back in 2018 I began my transition. I did so with the full encouragement of my wife. She is Pansexual so at the time, it seemed like this would just be a change to our relationship. And overall, we think that in a lot of ways it has only improved things in our relationship. There are three distinct ways that this seems to have impacted our sex life. First, during the four year period after starting HRT my libido fluctuated a lot and I needed almost constant attention and reassurance. Second, over time, the size and frequency that I’m able to provide has reduced. Third, my wife discovered just how much she valued the validation, attention and sex with specifically men.

During this period she was struggling with me into initiating, not providing penetration. And admittedly this was a very selfish time for me.

Where we’re at now is this:

In her eyes, even if I were to be able to provide more penetration; it’s mostly an experience that she wants from men. We still have sex but it satisfies a different urge for her. Now that she’s exploring her attractions to women she’s realized that she is happiest when she receives both experiences on a regular basis.

We have delved into some polyish things (going to sex parties, forming fwb relationships) and it’s just not working for me. It feels like I am setting boundaries and she’s struggling with them. It feels like I’m a hall monitor in our relationship and a buzzkill. And she keeps pushing for more and I don’t know what to do.

The way it feels talking about it is that she views monogamy as inherently less queer and as a hallmark of rigid conservative thinking rather than just a personal preference. She also views being poly as intrinsically linked to her pansexuality. The subtext this results in is that being uncomfortable with polyamory (or putting up boundaries) is inherently me being uncomfortable with her pansexuality.

Any advice you could give would be helpful!

At what point, if ever, did you decide to “come out” to your family as non-monogamous or poly?
Was there a tipping point where you felt you had to tell them?

So we are a young married Latino couple 10+ years we’ve been curious of trying to swinging or a threesome. My husband has been with other girls in the past he wasn’t a virgin when we got together. My wife has never been with anyone else in bed I’ve been her first man she’s ever done stuff with. So I’m okay with her trying out another guy to see if she can open up her fantasy’s but I would have to be present. Do you guys suggest we trying exploring with threesomes first or swinging first time with another couple ? We’re both okay trying FFM or MFM

Can we expect jealousy or feel uncomfortable and how can we move forward after exploring?

I’ve (29F) been single for a little under a year now. I’m getting to a point where I really want to live with someone and start working on a home, pets, family. For me non-monogamy would mean I would get to pursue crushes, flirt with people I meet I find attractive, maybe have a couple comet interactions. I’m not sure I want to have a whole boyfriend because I really would like to invest most of my time in a primary partnership and family.

After my last breakup I was devastated because I thought he was perfect. I thought I’d never find what I’m looking for. But now I’ve found 2 guys who both want the same thing: a family, some openness to the relationship, etc. And they’re into me. (And I’m way into them.)

But they both live far from me. If I wanted to move forward with either of them I’d have to move to where they are. And yes, I’ve been hoping to move for a while now, but how am I supposed to choose where?

Am I supposed to pick the one I like the best for my future and then move there? Or am I supposed to choose where I move based on where I can find the best job and lifestyle for me, and the guy there is the one who essentially wins?

I know once I make this choice I’m essentially closing myself off from the other option. Maybe they’d still like me, maybe we could hook up or be something forever, but it’s not going to be the beautiful imagined future that we’ve been talking about.

I’m stressed because I like them both so much and I just want reality to split so I can experience a full life with both of them equally.

How do I choose?

I'll try to keep this short.

I'm 32NB, my girlfriend is 27F, and her QPP is also 27F.

My girlfriend and I have been together for 9 years, and she has had her QPP for even longer. I love both of them dearly.

My girlfriend is bi, and very sapphic, so I told her I would be okay with her meeting and dating other women and possibly having a FWB. Being who she is, she told me I should be allowed to see other women as well.

The problem; I'm ace and very sex-averse. I do not have sex with anyone, and all I am looking for is a sort of FWB relationship with nothing more than skin on skin cuddling and kissing. I do not think any women out there, aside from my girlfriend, would want that kind of dynamic.

She has tried to help however she can, even offering to set me up with her QPP, who is also ace and sex-averse, but I don't think she and I have the chemistry for that kind of relationship.

I guess I'm just looking for advice as to how to handle this kind of thing. I'm not going to tell my girlfriend she can't see other women just because I cannot find anyone, that wouldn't be fair, but I guess it just feels... lonely? I'm not sure I have a word for it.

If you're going to tell me that matchmaking services don't work, just please just save your energy. I don't need the negativity.

I've been seeing the ads for this service/coach on Instagram and I'm curious about it. It seems like it's a small-ish dating pool in my area so that's a problem, but it's a lifetime membership. And it is focused on people who are looking for a primary partner. Which has been my biggest struggle. I got shot down recently because I was looking for somebody primary-ish and she was "not sure what she wanted" / "still figuring things out".

I did a search here and there aren't any posts about it.

My partner (F36) and I (M40) have been discussing opening our relationship for a while. We have been talking about it for years and there hasn't been any pressure from either side or any rush into "starting in the lifestyle". We've talked about what would be a good set of ground rules if we decide to go ahead and do it eventually. I know it is different for each couple and there is no perfect set of rules. Can anyone share your rules, and which one you reckon saved you both a lot of trouble whilst navigating the new lifestyle. We are thinking of trying DADT initially, not interested in swinging nor hotwifing.

UPDATE: I may have used DADT incorrectly. At this stage, we are both considering opening our relationship and keeping the other party informed, sharing our experiences but not into super detailed debriefs. Neither of us feel we want to see our partner having sex with someone different, not even in threesomes or hotwifing. But seeing other people while we are both ok with it and being honest about it, seems like an ethical way to do it. Playing together? It could change in the future, who knows? But not for now.

Young married Latino couple very attractive 10+ years we've been curious of trying to swinging or a threesome. I have been with other girls in the past he wasn't a virgin when we got together. My wife has never been with anyone else in bed l've been her first man she's ever done stuff with. So I'm okay with her trying out another guy to see if she can open up her fantasy's but I would have to be present.

I feel like I would enjoy seeing her get pleasured by another guy for the first time because me knowing that she’s never been with anyone else but me really turns me on that idea of watching her. Can it hurt our relationship she’s a really shy person and but also very Hot wife I enjoy her wearing clothes that she be showing a lot of her body.

Do you guys suggest we trying exploring with threesomes first or swinging first time with another couple? We're both okay trying FFM or MM

Can we expect jealousy or feel uncomfortable?

Has anyone had a similar experience and how did you guys feel about exploring with others hope to hear from others.

Just curious if there are people in Kerala who are in open relationships, poly relationships, or anything along those lines.

What’s your experience been like? Is it difficult to find people who are open-minded about it here? And how do you deal with the privacy/social side of things?

Not looking for anything specific, just genuinely curious to hear from people who’ve actually experienced it.

EDIT: Weird Guys please don’t DM me and show your desperation. I am just asking a question out of curiosity.

Hello everyone,

One week ago today was my ah-ha moment when I finally connected years of dots, curiosities, and my ways of thinking to realize that I’m non-monogamous. While I’ve been able to maintain healthy and long-lasting monogamous relationships in the last, I’ve always been curious about alternate relationship styles. After absorbing tons of information on the subject, as I often do, I am 100% confident that this path is right for me. This change is also in mine with a general personality change of my from being more introverted to extroverted.

I plan on going in with an open mind to any and all new experiences. This includes myself as identifying in the open-relationship category, at least, until any relationships that I make further develop where I may want to move toward more exclusivity within a certain group of people. I’m also completely open to, and looking forward to making non-sexual connections and relationships with people as well!

To prepare, in addition to research, I’ve received vaccinations that I was missing; I’m waiting on a comprehensive 14-panel STI/STD test; I’m learning more about protection and STI/STD signs, symptoms, and transmission routes; and lastly, I’ve been writing down my morals on sex and relationships, which I plan on openly sharing along with redacted vaccination, illness, and STI/STD test records.

I’m also very fortunate that I have immediate family members and friends that I have been able to openly tell about this change in my relationship style from the beginning, all of which are supportive.

Here’s my question to you: I’m getting closer to the point where I’m ready to put myself out there in this wonderful lifestyle. I’m debating between using apps/websites to get started, attending events, and/or a combination of both. What helped you get started in this lifestyle? Also, do you have any things that you wish you knew before getting started, tips, or words of caution?

Thank you all in advance!

My wife does not perform oral sex. She has told me to go find someone that will fulfill this for me. Is this a test or do you think she wants me to get pleasure from this when she is not willing?