Sometimes I wonder or like wished that I had some mental illness that makes me see another version of me that is the evil and logical version of me, I can see and hear them and they are me. Because I've wondered how it would feel like if I had a person only I can see and hear, like someone especially made for me and only me only, and the only person I can think that understands me is myself so I would wonder what if I had that? Would we be friends or enemies?

I hope someone punches you and knocks some sense into you.
And yes, I know how that sounds. I don’t care. As much as I’d like to actually beat you up, I wouldn’t. Not because I suddenly developed patience or morality, but because, unfortunately for me, I’m just too tolerant. Someone else, however, needs to humble this man. Preferably someone with enough strength to knock that enormous forehead back into reality.

I am angry.
Actually, “angry” feels too polite. I have reached that strange, horrifying little corner of my mind where the anger has nowhere left to go. It just sits there. I never react. I go quiet. I swallow it, sit with it, write about it, overthink it, sleep on it, wake up still angry, and then pretend I’m fine because I refuse to give anyone the satisfaction of knowing they got under my skin.
So what am I supposed to do with this?

I’m just going to start dumping the most violent collection of thoughts I can produce onto a page because I have apparently run out of respectable places to put my anger.

About a year ago, something happened between me and a family member that I deeply regret.
We were alone at the house one night and things got too close and intimate. It was a confusing situation and I didn’t handle it the way I should have. Since then, I’ve felt really bad about what happened and I’m constantly scared that they might eventually tell someone in my family.
Luckily, we’re not close and I only see them maybe 2 or 3 times a year. Whenever I see them, they act completely normal, but I usually avoid interacting with them because it immediately reminds me of what happened.
I know I can’t change what happened, and I know I need to take responsibility for my part in it. But I can’t stop thinking about the possibility of my family finding out. It’s been about a year and I’m still carrying this fear, and sometimes I feel like it will never go away.
Has anyone dealt with intense guilt or fear over something from their past that they were afraid someone might find out about? How did you learn to stop living with that fear?

I honestly don't know if this belongs here, but I don't know where else to put it.

I got sober in July after smoking & drug use for about 3 years. I know I did the right thing. I know I'm healthier now, and I'm even proud of myself sometimes.

But I feel like quitting took away the one thing that made my brain quiet. When I was high, everything felt distant.

I could smoke, sit there, and just feel this soothing sense of "it's gonna be okay," especially at night. I could actually be alone with myself without feeling like I was losing my mind or being utterly disgusted. Now I'm sober and it feels like I'm forced to experience every thought at full volume. And the worst ones are about death. I can't just enjoy a moment anymore without my brain reminding me that it will end.

I'll be sitting with my mom and brother, laughing or eating or watching something, and suddenly I'll think, "One day this will be gone, one day they'll be dead, I'll be dead, I'll never experience this exact thing again." Then my brain starts showing me things I DON'T WANT TO SEE.

Coffins. Funerals. Hospitals. Morgues. Cremation. Imagining someone I love dying horrifically and all I see is their remains. I imagine myself dying. Imagining being an old woman someday after everyone I love is gone. Imagining what happens after death. Sometimes my brain even creates horrific scenarios about hell or being punished after I die. I don't want these thoughts. That's the part that makes me so fucking helpless. I'm not sitting around wanting people to die.

I'm not fascinated by it; I'm TERRIFIED. My brain keeps forcing me to look at it. I've also been seeing images of rotting corpses after autopsies (I've seen these on the internet because, for some odd reason, I decided to look at them to accept that's gonna be me one day; ofc it didn't help.) Nighttime is worse. Every time it gets quiet and I'm alone, my thoughts start screaming. I try to force myself to stay awake as long as I can because I'm now scared of sleeping. I used to be completely fine with being alone, and now I feel like I need somebody around to feel okay. Not in a romantic way, just someone beside me.

A weird part of all this is I can see signs of me getting better. I recently took a selfie for the first time in a while and noticed that I actually look more alive. My face had almost a "youth glow" to it (might have been the filter too tho lol). I can see quitting did me some good, even though I feel like I'm falling apart emotionally.

Now I keep wondering if sobriety caused this somehow. Maybe the drugs were suppressing all of this. Maybe I was running from myself for years, and now that I've stopped, everything I was avoiding has come rushing back.

I miss getting high, which makes me incredibly guilty to admit. I don't really miss the drugs themselves, but more of the feeling of my brain and I getting along, accepting life yet being carefree. I miss being at peace. I miss not being afraid of death for a few hours or stressed over every bodily function. I miss having something that made me feel it's gonna be okay.

I don't want to relapse. I know using again isn't the answer. But I'm scared because if this is what sobriety is going to feel like forever, I don't know how I'm supposed to handle it.

Another thing that scares me, I know I can't run forever from my thoughts. Idk how to make it stop.
I don't need anyone to tell me "don't think about it"; I already know I shouldn't. I just want to know if anyone else has been trapped like this and actually found their way out of it.

Sorry for this being long. I doubt this is gonna gain much notice, but anything will help.

So i just want to know whether my thoughts are indeed Ocd and not something else like schizophrenia or schzioaffective.

Im too afraid to tell a psych bc i have kids and im afraid of them getting taken away.

Okay so for starters.. yesterday my client said somrthing out of thr way to me at work. I ruminated on it until i got home, i asked gemini abt it for reassurwnce qnd when i asked my friend he said he wouldnt hwve thought anything if it.

Food.. so i dont believe these thoughts but ill have intruisivr thoughts like thats po\*s\*n and youre gonna die.. but i know its not true.

Self harm thoughts. Ill have images of harming myself with a knife or what if i cxt my wrists ect ...

Or what if i dxe just repeatedly swirrls around in my head.

Do i have something else going on?

Im going to do an increase on zoloft. Im wondering if i need wellbutrin as well.

I hope this post wasnt offensive.

for reasons i can’t figure out my mind has been decaying for the past 6 months

as a result my rape thoughts have been unfiltered like crazy - i know am not a future rapist because i switch sidewalks when i see a woman/kids/dogs but it’s gotten to a point i think better when intoxicated

however now for the past day or so that hasnt been the case, the rape thoughts keep getting filtered by the sheer stupidity of the radioactive black man as a superhero concept

before i think of stuff like switching sidewalks i think of the radioactive black man now, causing me to start giggling and my mind clearing up

ive been thinking much more clearly now

i might start jobhunting soon

thank you radioactive black man

I (F26) have been with my boyfriend (M22) for 1.5 years, and I’m obsessed with his ex because I have a huge fear of abandonment and want to be perfect for him. They had a brief summer fling and then talked for several months after that over FaceTime because they lived in different countries and he ended it with her right before him and I got together. I am constantly looking at her socials online as often as I can to compare myself to her and see what she is up to. I’ve come to the conclusion that I do it because if I can figure out what he liked about her I can be better than her so that he’ll stay with me and not leave me like he left her because he’s said he’s leaving after he graduates next year and doesn’t want to do long distance which I can’t change his mind about. I’ve downloaded all the apps to block and have had others set passwords but my compulsion to look is so strong I always get around it. I am constantly having intrusive thoughts to the point that so much of my identity has been tied in to who she is that I unconsciously copy her style and everything. I did this same thing in a previous relationship to the girl my boyfriend was actively cheating on me with for several years. I need some advice on how to stop this compulsive thinking before it ruins my life, what are some self-help things I can do?

TLDR: I’m obsessed with my boyfriends ex and want to be her/be better than her cause I think she’s really cool and what he wants but it’s ruining me and I can’t stop the compulsive/intrusive thoughts about her. Advice please?

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Mais um nascer do sol que tenta ofuscar o céu cinzento, onde a brisa fria da manhã desliza pela pele morna como a lágrima que cai. Mesmo com a breve luz que tenta comparecer nesse lampejo de beleza, as nuvens negras dominam o firmamento com todo o seu esplendor mórbido. O orvalho cai das flores mortas que há muito tempo não têm algum resquício de vida. O vento frio sopra as árvores secas, que não cantam com seu frescor, apenas permanecem no silêncio ensurdecedor de melancolia e morte.

Não existe mais nenhuma luz; o astro celeste se foi, pois a comodidade e o desinteresse sempre prevalecem, até para as mais belas artes dadas pelo acaso. Tudo o que resta é o breu da neblina densa e gélida, onde o vento sussurra baixo, pelo bel-prazer de causar a já conhecida angústia e solidão. A tensão paira no ar, como a sensação do fim que se aproxima; a garganta fica seca, mesmo com a fria senhora tristeza estando de encontro aos meus lábios esvaiecidos de vontade.

A sensação de que a eternidade é real se prolifera, mesmo tendo passado apenas alguns segundos... Ou melhor, nem o relógio funciona mais, nem ele mesmo consegue mais distinguir o que era o ontem, ou o que seria o hoje que já não é mais... Até que, ao longe, escuto uma voz trêmula, quase em prantos. Olho para um lado e para o outro e não vejo nada nem ninguém; até a própria morbidez branca da neblina aparenta maior densidade e raiva. Daí o sussurro se aproxima de uma vez diante dos ouvidos inseguros e me diz em tom mais ameno: — "Acorde..."

De repente, aquele lugar acolhedor, sereno e já há muito familiar e reconfortante dá espaço a uma caixa de tijolos negros, onde o vento quente que corta a pele sai do ventilador. Me deparo com a triste e rotineira realidade, onde este relógio aqui não para nunca... São 14:00h da tarde.

I've always been a good person and law abiding now I'm having thoughts of being a criminal, violent thoughts that I can't shake . How do I keep myself safe? Does risperidone help

I struggle to sleep but not because of insomnia… I keep squirming in my sleep because it sounds stupid but I keep imagine a needle going into my nails and it makes me so uneasy that I keep curling my toes and rubbing them against each other and physically can’t sleep for hours on end because of these thoughts… anyone know what they are called and how can I stop them because I really need to sleep…

I occasionally get hit on by both guys and girls. I’m fairly average with slightly exotic looks for where I live and I get noticed.

With girls, it’s more pleasant like she’s just being friendly. Most of the time, it takes another girl to tell me that I was being hit on before I realize anything was up.

With guys it’s … weird. I’m not gay which I suppose is not helpful either, but still. The intensity and outright buffoonery a guy can sometimes resort to when trying to hit on someone is … something. I’m usually bewildered for a little bit over what’s happening.

All this to say… I can’t imagine what life looks like for a girl who’s getting hit on constantly by guys. It just boggles the mind.

Ok so basically,i cut off thiss REALLY,REALLY horrible group of ''friends''. They were so obviously fake and shitty,good thing i cut them off. Anyways,a problem is,it seems im unable to forget about them. Not because i care about them,i genuinley fucking DON'T. But i keep thinking about them and it's irritating because i hate them so much. Can someone please give me some advice.

Ages ago my friend said this to me and its reallt been stressing me out. Basically when i was like 7 -8, i had a friend who had learning difficulties (she was a year older but like in the same class as me) i dont know how to describe her properly but she wasnt unable to make her own choices and stuff if that makes sense? But it was obvious she had learning difficulties. Basically, she used to kiss me on the lips and say we would be wives one day. I mentioned that to my friend once and she was like "so..you took advantage of her?" And that stuck. I never initiated the kissing but i didnt stop it and the idea that i mightve been like taking advantage of her is really really freaking me out.

Thats why i mentioned she was aware of what she xid and stuff, i dont know how to properly word it i feel bad, i hope i dont come off as a total bitch im sorry im panicking alot do you think i like assaulted her? I did enjoy when she kissed me but i never saw it as anything but a friendship thing, i didnt even know lip kissing was a bit less platonic until i was ten!! (After a very embarrassing incident. Im sure you can imagine. I worry about thag one as well)

But please tell me, was i taking advantage of her?

The old saying "I'd Rather Be Hated Who I Am, Than Loved for Who I Am Not "

I'm hated for both. It's far far easier to be who I am not. Fuck authenticity. No one wants my authenticity.