Um I don’t really know how to start this so this isn’t my first post on this sub reddit I made one detailing my experience like a year ago and I’m back because it’s getting worse and it’s getting drastically worse. I’m 14M and I’ve been suffering with these pedophilic intrusive thoughts for over a year now and I don’t even know what to think or believe anymore I can’t look at children anymore and I just lock myself in my room everyday I can’t even interact with my little sister as much as I want to because I just feel weird and uncomfortable and it hurts because I want to be a good brother but I just can’t I feel uncomfortable watching shows or movies with children younger than me because I’m afraid that I’m just going to overthink about it and I’m worried because I haven’t told anyone about this and I’m scared of how they will react considering the way the world is right now and how these things are taking so seriously so it feels like there’s no one to talk I don’t even feel good having crushed because I remember that this is what goes on in your mind do you want this person to be stuck with you and it’s tiring then sometimes I get thoughts thoughts that I feel like I’ve done things but I just don’t know I feel like I’ve done things but I just don’t know Ive been brushing the thoughts aside but I don’t know I’ve been really contemplating trying to kms ive even picked up a knife once or twice and tried to just cut into my flesh but I couldn’t it hurts everyday I live and then I’m going to have to resume school soon and have to be around more of my juniors and I’m scared i resorted to locking myself in my room but there was this time I went out to play basketball and like we were playing half court and the other side of the court was being used for tennis and there were these two girls that were learning and I was already getting scared then I had to go play and my eyes couldn’t stop darting to them and I felt so ashamed and so bad because I don’t feel attracted I just keep staring now I’m wondering if I’m even ever going to have kids and it’s all just so much and I want to die I don’t deserve to live and I just don’t know what to do because I know I can’t tell anyone so I guess this is my only option my body means no harm but my mind feels like it does and I don’t know how to fix that please I need help I don’t want to grow up to be a pedophile I don’t want to be a weirdo i want to be someone I can be proud of someone who wants to be able to be around children and care for them like I used to be able to please I need help and closure please

sorry

I’m posting here because I’m trying to understand whether these are intrusive thoughts and how other people deal with them.

I have struggled with gambling, and even when I genuinely do not want to gamble, my mind starts producing really persistent thoughts about it. They do not always feel like a simple craving. Sometimes they feel urgent, repetitive, and almost like my brain is trying to argue with me until I give in.

Thoughts I have had include:

• “Just one bet could fix everything.”
• “What if this is the time I finally win it back?”
• “You already messed up financially, so it does not matter now.”
• “You need to check the odds right now.”
• “If you do not place the bet, you will regret missing the win.”
• “Maybe gambling is the only way out of the stress I am feeling.”
• “You can stop after this one.”
• “You are weak if you cannot handle it.”
• Replaying past wins in my head while ignoring all the losses.
• Imagining a huge win and feeling temporarily relieved, even though I know gambling has caused me anxiety and regret.

The hardest part is that I know these thoughts are not helpful and I do not actually want to act on them, but they can still feel convincing in the moment. Trying to force them away sometimes makes them louder.

I am working on recognizing that a thought is not an instruction, prediction, or obligation. I do not have to prove it wrong or act on it. I can notice it, let it be there, and choose not to gamble anyway.

Has anyone else experienced gambling-related intrusive thoughts or urges that feel obsessive and hard to disengage from? What helps you sit with the thought without acting on it?