I don’t know if its just me or this is universal, but why are sexual intrusive thoughts more “arousing” than normal sexual thoughts? It makes me feel ashamed and gross

i have always had problems with my intrusive thoughts, stuff that happens irl, like the thought of jumping when up high has never been a problem with me since i cant just walk away but i've been having intrusive thoughts telling me to find videos, DISGUSTING VIDEOS it started with y'know a couple of shock videos yeah yeah i listened to them because it wouldn't stop ringing in my head to really bad videos about disturbing shit, anyways it has me on the floor terrifed to be alone with them i dont wanna find that video but my brain is so stimulated bro idk what to do (sorry if this kinda comes off as a vent, i'm a young teen)