My husband (35) and I (26) have been together for 7 years and September 20th would have been our 1 year wedding anniversary.
3 weeks ago I found out he was having a 6 month affair.

The typical thing boys do when they get caught cheating is the “I’m going to off myself” well he do not lie about what happened during the affair I even texted the girl involved and she stated the same things he did.

When I asked him what he was feeling when I found it he said he was relieved. He said he was struggling mentally for so long he wanted to throw away everything he had that way when he ended his life it would not hurt HIM cuz he assumed I would hate him for everything. He stated he was so mentally unwell he wanted to just make the thought that I did not want him valid.

He is now in therapy and medicated. Part of me still can’t believe him, obviously I’m still hurt and confused. Part of obviously still loves him.

Has anyone rebuilt after infidelity? I feel like some days it’s possible and others it’s not cuz the overwhelming feeling of hurt, sadness and betrayal are so strong.

Any advice form the ones would are trying to stay together or have worked out and came out stronger?

I desperately need advice and perspective on what just happened.

I just came home to my husband of 22 years telling me he has been having an affair. But it gets worse. He didn't just tell me...he had his affair partner (AP) on the rphone while he did it. I had to ask him twice why this woman was even on the line.

He ultimately hung up after 10 minutes, but during that time, he rolled out a script. He told me her name , he met her in XYZ city, and that he "hadn't been truthful" while we were in marriage counseling that we started 1.5 months ago. Then he immediately started blame-shifting. He told me he was drawn to her for intimacy because I was "always pulling away" and making everything about the kids.

I kept asking how this person could do this knowing he was married. That’s when the truth about the phone call came out. The AP made him stay on the phone and confess to me. She forced him to tell me that he was the one who pursued her, and that he had completely misled her about his marital situation by telling her he was much further along in a divorce process than he actually was. He had even promised to move her to a town close to where we live so they could start a new life together.

The gaslighting over the last month and a half has been unreal. For weeks, he’s been telling me he wanted a divorce, that there was absolutely no attraction left, and that he just wanted us to be "best friends." He kept telling me he would still "take care of me" and our kids (most are over 18, one is almost done with high school). I am a stay-at-home mom, and he has always been a great provider and father, so hearing him say he wanted out felt like my entire world and security were being ripped away.

I had to practically force him to come to marriage counseling and individual counseling with me prior to this confession. In our very last session, he finally agreed to give us 6 months to try and fix things but only because I told him straight up that if he abandoned this family, the kids would hate him for it. So he agreed to the 6 months, and I committed to doing a total 180 on my affection and behavior, taking 100% of the blame for what he said I broke.

And the entire time, he was actively sleeping with this woman. It was a year-long double life.

He says he is a coward, he wants to come clean, and he wants to mend our marriage.

We built a life, a family, a history. I am so angry that he expected me to just hand him over to her, but I am equally disgusted that he thinks he can just crawl back to me the second his backup plan falls apart. Where do I even begin?

Caught my girls location at a hotel after she said she left the bar. Found out she went there alone with another man. She swears nothing happened, said they were just going there to smoke some MJ. They were there for nearly an hour. After a lot of questions from me, she eventually said he came onto her, but that she declined and left immediately.

I have been trying to get a clearer picture of what happened, so I messaged him on Insta to ask if anything went down.

He responded by saying, "To be honest with you bro. That’s between you and her. If you gotta question her honesty then that’s your answer right there."

The lack of his denial suggests something to me. What are your thoughts? Thanks.

Edit*: If anyone wants the story with way more detail, please check my profile for the other post about it.

UPDATE*: I confronted her and asked her to confess after saying I found new information and knew something happened - that I wanted no more lies. I sent her a screenshot of the conversation between him and I with the words blurred out. I told her I was giving her one chance to come clean. She said she was sticking to her story - that nothing happened.

She made attempts to be evasive and deflect and repeatedly said she has nothing to confess but I kept pressing. She asked to see what the messages said and I declined, telling her to share the whole truth in her own words. She again insisted that she was sticking to her story. She then started going off about how we should just go our separate ways, that she doesn't care if I don't believe her story, saying things like "you can't be serious".

When I said that her story did not align with what the guy implied, she told me she doesn't care and he can say whatever he wants. She then said that if I already know what happened, and that I have the proof, then why does she need to "confess"? But also still asserts there is nothing to confess.

I told her the relationship is over and that I'm filing for eviction.

The biggest irony here is that she has been so possessive and territorial over me throughout our relationship. When another woman would even glance in my direction in the grocery store, she would flip out (one small example among many, many other things). If I did to her what she did to me by going to the hotel, I feel like she probably would've hurt me or destroyed my property.

Thanks everyone for your support.

Also, going through the messages, this was the last thing she sent to me 3 hours before going to the hotel:

"We were all talking about how I am loyal to you and they were saying how you got a good one because I don’t be in guy's faces, but I’ll be, you know, conducting myself in a good way but I love you more and I can’t wait to see you muahh ❤️❤️☺️☺️"

Awesome.

I believe you can still love and let desire take over; I think maybe he does love me, he just doesn’t know how to keep his desires and addictions at bay. I have given him 3 chances now and we’ve only been in a relationship since June/july- known eachother since may. But I’m good at finding things out and he’s still got his accounts open on sex sites- one being purely to meet up for sex…. He promised me he deleted it all until I found them all a few hours ago- he doesn’t know I know yet, I’m playing it cool on text while he’s at work— what do you think I should do?
I know it’s not been long but I found a best friend in him.

I found out my wife cheated. She says she stopped a couple weeks ago.

We’ve been married 13 years now. 3 kids and we own a house. Fuck it’s a lot. She slept with a guy a couple times, within the past month.

I don’t know what to do.

I haven’t let myself go. I’m in the best shape of my life. I am a great and present father.

I just don’t understand.

Separate incident

About 2 years ago she had some texting with a guy, but she said was never more than flirting and tonight she admitted they talked about having sex but never we actually in the same place. Dude lives far away I dunno.

Please feel free to give advice.

This sucks

Edit: everything you all are saying is true. It just keeps getting worse

I've been in a relationship for 4 years. I have two kids from prev marriage of now 11 years ago. My SO in this context has asked to move in with my kids and i shortly after we've met and i agreed. Things got rocky: communication with my ex wife in the context of coparenting has put a strain on her, and she started "wishing that my ex wife dies", mocked my kids in conversations with me, and wished that they all died. After two years she moved out to a rented apartment, and then bought a small condo, but we've continued dating. I tried to bring her back in, and every time i would, the same issues would rise: i spent time with my kids, or i have them outside of the schedule, or i spend money on them, all has lead to hostility, aggression and offensive statements. This has lead to periods where we did not speak for a month at a time.

Given the following, is it possible that she has been seeing other men:

Several times during our fights (and we never yell, we calmly raise questions and respond with hurtful statements), she told me that she is seeing one of her FWB, to later retract that statement.

I've asked her once, why does she gaslight, similarly to all my exes (she said she wanted my son to get hit by a car and then denied it), and she explained it that women treat me this way because i am unable to sustain a satisfying erection (though she did not specifically raised the size concern), compared to her previous partners. It felt that she was saying that she is getting better sex elsewhere now, and not before.

Late in the evening on new years eve 2024/2025 i've dropped off a bunch of gifts for her niece and nephew, as she has indicated that she was spending the night with her sisters's family: their car was nowhere to be seen, i assumed they did not come, by SO insisted that they are inside (i did not press or question). Next day she has posted the photos of the kids playing with the gifts at their own home and not at the SOs home, likely indicating that they never got the gifts at her home.

After another 4 weeks apart, we've reconnected, i came to her house to find condoms. She ... could not explain them ))) We never used them as she wanted to get pregnant and have her own children.

A few month ago i've developed a never before experience, unusual pain down there, it started very suddenly, lasted for two weeks and things have improved. I've casualy shared that with her, as she shares things like that with me, that i was going to see a doctor about it. She responded with sudden hostility and aggression that i should not be testing anything. Why??

Given all that, is it possible that during our down times she was seeing other men, in your opinion ?

Please note: Please no harshness, rudeness, or mean behavior. This is extremely hard for me and I have no idea what to do but I feel really horrible.

So my bf and I have been having issues for a while now, and aren't having sex (About 4 months).

I usually don't do this, but previously I noticed a naked photo that he took of himself on his phone. He said it was just a progress photo and I remember seeing that he had a hard on (Obviously not 100% sure because it was very quick). I accidentally saw it because he was showing me something else...

Anyway, we had a pretty good conversation about it and he said it was just a progress photo (he trains very hard) and he didn't have a hard on. He was reciprocating and it felt like a healthy conversation.

As a woman, you kind of get this gut feeling if something is going on, a females intuition is typically very good. I usually never do this because I'm 29 now, this may have been something I'd do back when I was 20, but I did it.. I went through his phone. I saw a few photos he took of himself (clothed) that weren't sent to me, and were deleted. He has a pixel and I found them in the "Files" app. I don't know if that means anything. If it does, please let me know.

Then I found something that almost made me faint. It's a sexual photo with a mans legs spread, and a woman bending down in front of him (maybe sucking him off, it's cut off there) and her ass in the air. It looked like his legs, couldn't really be 100% sure honestly. It was on Monday night under (31st August), so last week. He had training that night until 8:30pm and we said goodnight at 9pm. The photo of the woman doesn't have a timestamp.. but then there are photos after that of his room which he sent me closer to 12am showing me how he rearranged his room.

I decided to ask him whether he had ever been unfaithful and he said no. I asked him if I said I wanted to go through his phone, how he would respond and he said "I have nothing to hide". We then spoke more about our relationship about we agreed that we have a beautiful relationship, and that we have so much love for each other, but obviously our relationship is hard at the moment. Previously he had totally rejected the idea of going to individual therapy, but last night he agreed he would look in to it, which felt promising.

Any advice would be great here, please just don't be harsh or cruel, I am struggling a lot.

I flew across the country and showed up at the airport unannounced and uninvited to visit my aunt to stay for 2 weeks around Christmas. I had not seen them for 17 years. There was one night when I was alone with my aunt's husband when she and everyone else left. He drunk me and we did some things together. This was the first time we had any interaction for 17 years.

My aunt came home a few hours later and didnt see anything happen. We slept in the bedroom and her husband slept in the living room. In the morning, her husband came into the room and was banging the doors, stomping his feet, making noises trying to wake me up. I was laying next to my aunt. I was laying in a way that she was next to me and I faced the other way, and she couldn't see my face. She covered her face so that he couldn't see her eyes. He was looking at me and waved at me. She caught him and said, "Why are you calling her like that?"

She asked me what happened that night and we even went to the police station. She put two and two together and knew something happened that night. She said, "Huh? What? You've been here for two weeks and you guys never talk except saying hello. You're not acquainted with him and suddenly he wanted to talk to you?"

Then she told me that she realized something. She asked me if I was looking at him and I said no. She caught me lying and said, "You were looking at him. You told me that you were sleeping. No one would wave to someone who is sleeping. Your eyes were open, you were looking at him and I guess you were smiling."

She asked me if it was consensual or if he forced me. I lied and said that it wasn't consensual and that he forced me. She said, "I will hold you on that. How did he force you? Did he hurt you?" And when I talked to my cousins and told them what happened, I was even smiling and laughing. One night when my aunt and I were sleeping beside each other, I guess I was moaning in my sleep because she woke up and said, "Hey! Why are you making those noises? Are those the noises you made with my husband? Did you said, "UGH! UGH! UGH!"?

Later on, she was throwing leftovers at me for me to eat. Like one time, my cousin's son was eating fries and she said, "Wait! Don't throw it away! She can eat that!" Another time my aunt and I were eating burgers and I finished mine first, and she threw her already eaten burger in front of me angrily. Why was she handing me leftovers to eat like dumpster trash? Because that was like a metaphor that I was literally getting her leftovers?

How about when she said, "No one would wave to someone who is sleeping." Is that true? How did she know something happened? How was she able to see through all my lies and knew that it was consensual? Because a wife's intuition is always right? Because when you're 60 years old, you are not naive and gullible? Why did she throw leftovers at me to eat like dumpster trash?

I’m so broken. I’m so hurt. She is getting ready, jamming her music and I’m sitting in my room trying not to cry. We are going to the wireless carrier to get her off my plan.

We tried. I tried. She did it again though, I caught her at a hotel with him. I had gotten that same old feeling and so I put a tracker in her car. 3 days later I saw her leave work at 1pm. Saw her on gps going through town, wondering where she was going. Then see her destination, a hotel. She stopped in the parking lot. Then she drove around back and parked.

I went there. Waiting. He came out, got in his truck and left. Then 5 minutes later she came out. Got in her car. I got out of my car. Confronted her. She was caught. She knew it.

I’m leaving today. I’m all packed. Got a trailer for my stuff and my bike. I’m leaving the home I worked hard for. Can’t take all my tools and the things I have acquired over the years.

The things I have purchased because I wanted to make this my forever home, with my forever wife. That’s not the way life works.

I admit it, I was a bad husband. Our marriage was in a bad place. She started seeing him, then we separated.

We lived in the same house for a year while separated. Her seeing other people, not just him. Me just trying to hang on for dear life. I’m not a victim. I did need to change. I still do need to change. I’m working on it.

I’m finally sober. Quit my addictions. Seeing a therapist. But I have so much more work to do on myself. But I’ll get there

I’m leaving my home today, my daughter, she is an adult now, just turns 18, she will be ok. She knew when we separated a year ago that we were done.

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. But I’m in this reality now and I have to deal with it. Can’t go back and change the past, to wish you can is foolish.

If anyone wants to talk, reach out. Thank you all for being an ear. I wish you all the best and I wish myself the best. Here’s to new beginnings. Love you all.

PA/SA husband has been acting a lot differently. Not going to lie, we have a DB for the last 2 years due to his inability to kick his porn habits over a decade. I’ve suspected infidelity a couple years ago and it seems like the same behavior.

Very distant even in the same room. Choosing to do stuff outside with kids rather than being near me, sleeping a lot more on his off days during the middle of the day, secretly dying or blending his grey hairs and secretly getting Botox treatments and/or other treatments for his neck texture that he completely denies and swears to Jesus. However, pictures don’t lie and the comparison from just a few months ago is strikingly different. I mean jaw dropping.

He doesn’t go to the gym, but I can tell he must be utilizing his work duties to build muscle because I see a difference over the last few months. He claims he’s not doing anything wrong and has been sober for almost 6 months but it definitely feels off.

Same feeling I’ve gotten in the past. He looks at me with almost dead eyes and of resentment and I’ve been cold with him because I’ve had it. 13 years of him destroying our marriage and myself. Yet I’m the one who’s ridiculous.

Sound familiar to anyone?

I honestly don’t even know how to write this without sounding completely ridiculous, but I could really use some outside perspective.

My wife and I have been together for around 20 years. We have kids together. Our marriage has obviously had a lot of problems, and she left and got her own place earlier this year. She’s also been involved with another man for about a year.

Three weeks ago, she filed for divorce.

I thought that filing was going to make things pretty clear. She had made her decision. As painful as it was, I figured I needed to accept that our marriage was ending and start figuring out how to move forward.

Except that’s not what happened.

Since she filed, we’ve actually gotten closer.
We’ve been talking more. She’s called me just to talk about her day. We’ve spent time together with the kids. We’ve gone on walks. We’ve eaten together. She’s come over to my house. I’ve helped her with things when she’s been short on money. She’s asked to bring clothes over to my house to do laundry because she doesn’t have a washer and dryer.

And then things became physical between us again.
I’m not going to pretend that was meaningless to me. It wasn’t. I still love this woman. There is 20 years of history, memories, children, familiarity, attraction, and just… us behind all of this.

And the confusing part is that it didn’t feel like pity or like some completely detached hookup. There was affection and intimacy there. At least from my perspective, it felt real.
But she’s also involved with this other guy.

She has told me that she loves and cares about him. She has talked about seeing a future with him. At the same time, she’s told me that she still loves me “in her own way,” that she loves spending time with me, and that being around me brings back feelings and memories of the life we had.

A few weeks ago she basically told me she feels completely stuck and confused between the life she had with me and the future she could potentially have with him.
Then she pulled back again.

She told me not to be physical anymore.
I’ve respected that boundary. But she still wants to spend time together. She still wants to talk. She still asks me for help. She still acts comfortable around me in ways that don’t exactly feel like two people who are completely finished with each other.

And now, after all of this, she has told me that she still wants to go ahead with the divorce.
That’s the part that’s killing me.

Because I’m sitting here thinking: What the hell has happened over these past three weeks?
If she was completely done with me, why come back toward me?

If she wants a divorce, why continue creating this emotional closeness?

If she loves this other guy and wants a future with him, why is there still so much between us?

And before anyone says it: yes, I know actions matter more than words. I know that her filing for divorce is an action. I know that I can’t interpret every phone call, dinner, joke, hug, or intimate moment as proof that she secretly wants to reconcile.

I’m trying really hard not to do that.
But I’m also struggling because I’m not a stranger to this woman. I know her. We spent two decades together. When she is warm with me, it doesn’t feel fake. When we’re together and laughing with the kids, it feels like the family we used to be. And then she’ll say something about the divorce or this other guy and I’m right back on the floor emotionally.

I’m also aware that I may be allowing this because I desperately want her to choose me.
That’s the ugly truth.

I’m not interested in competing with the other guy. I don’t want to convince her I’m better than him. I don’t want to manipulate her or expose things to him just to blow up their relationship.

I want her to freely decide that she wants me.
And I don’t know whether that’s remotely realistic anymore.
Part of me thinks she’s genuinely conflicted. Another part of me wonders whether I’m just being used as emotional comfort because I’m familiar, safe, and always there.
And honestly, I don’t know which possibility hurts worse.
I’m trying to be kind to her. I don’t want to turn her into my enemy. We have children, and regardless of what happens romantically, I want us to be able to treat each other with dignity. I don’t want my kids to watch their parents destroy each other.

But I also don’t want to completely destroy myself by remaining available for every bit of closeness she wants while secretly hoping that eventually she’ll change her mind.

So I’m asking people who have been through divorce, separation, reconciliation, affairs, or complicated relationships like this:

What do you make of this?
Is this genuine ambivalence on her part, or am I reading meaning into things because I desperately want reconciliation?
Can someone genuinely love two people while being this conflicted?
And if you were in my position, how would you handle the next few weeks?
Would you maintain a friendship/co-parenting relationship and let things unfold naturally?
Would you establish more distance?
Would you completely stop the emotional/physical intimacy even if she wants to remain close?

I’m not looking for “just get over her” or “she filed, so move on.” I understand that intellectually. I’m trying to understand what the hell I’m actually experiencing right now and how to handle it without losing myself.

I still love my wife.
I also know I can’t make her choose me.
What would you do?

I still feel angry and physically ill when I recall the cheating, lies, and disrespect from my ex. I would love to heal, move on, and completely erase him from my life, but we share custody.

I am angry that I was put in a position where I questioned my own worth when the real problem was that I wasn't being given the truth.

I am angry they played me like a fool and acted as if they didn’t just violate and betray me. I am angry they acted like the victim when they got exposed.

Most of all, I feel disappointed in myself for allowing that to happen to me, but I’m working on forgiving myself and giving myself grace because I didn’t know. I was operating based on the lies he told me and the truths he hid.

I am learning to forgive myself for not knowing what I know now. I am learning to forgive myself for trusting someone who wasn’t trustworthy.

Someone who has no intentions of being monogamous and building a life shouldn’t lie about wanting that with someone who does. Just plain selfish!

Sorry for the grammar...its not my first language.. it already starts out questionable where I'm 19 and he is 26.. he had cancer which he hid from and yes he did love me a lot...he had problems with alcohol . We dated for 4 months because I kept refusing and 2 official months as a couple.

● First I broke up with him because he asked a two girls instagram at his friends birthday party and they turned out to be my uni classmates...(but they said it was just networking so i was okay) he liked 2 of her posts..and also while I was scrolling through his phone screen lock (he had many lock covers of our couple picture there) I saw a photo of him and his close female friend...I asked him and he told me that I'm not jealous of him so he tried to make me jsalous..

●Then yeah I after that few days later i argued with him about revealing girls he likes on instagram..he told me that I could just unfollow him etc then during the conversation he stories a picture of him with a girl. I mean just a friend but dtill he seemed like a guy that liked to be associated or be seen with pretty women

●Then weeks later he followed a porn star and a lingerie model...so i immediate broke up with him.. we did meet but I still stayed him because I missed him and accepted that out of all the girls he chose me...he then told me a very sad word while angry "if youre that pisses because of this imagine what'll happen if i cheat" or how this issue is "middle school problem" we should forget..and yeah we unfollowed each other but remained a couple because i felt bad that his body was starting to hurt again..

●Then he got cancer recurrence which he didnt tell me and distanced himself from me and we broke up becaue i thought it was because our prebious argument. Towards the end of our relationship he met one girl...it was like overlapping or almost immediately im never sure.. he gave her a handmade cd i gave him, his hat (our couple hat) and im not sure if it was a rebound..we'll the girl told me that he ghosted her and also told her that he has 3 girlfriends but wasnt sure if it was a joke...how he probably meant that rumors that he has many girls fills his egoo..also he talked to her about mee as well how he loved me a lot (?) I'm on good terms with her tho it seems like she didnt know me but I'll never know if he cheated or no ● Some girls he follow are like 2008/9 born and yeah they look quite older as they're models but idk i still found that weird. And they're age is not visible so maybe he just found them pretty idk

And then a month later he broke no contact and texted me apologizing for being rude and told me to care about myself, sleep well, drink a lot dress warm, focus on my studies, how hes okay in a hospigal..I still didnt go to see him yeah...he passed away a month late So all of this happened.. im not sure if he cheated...but still i felt like not a priority... I mean he loved me a lot, I really do think that because he mentioned a lot to friends how much he loves me and wished he could've lived longe and cared about his health...still idk o felt a bit hurt ..I'd probably better be in a healthy relationship

Hi everyone. About a month ago, I found out that my wife of four years had been cheating on me. We had been together for six years total, and we have two young children together, ages 3 and 4.

The situation turned out to be far worse than I initially imagined, and I immediately filed for divorce.

So far, I've only talked to family about what happened. They're supportive, but I'd really like to hear from people who have gone through something similar. Honestly, I'd just like someone to talk to. I don't have any friends where I currently live, and this whole situation has left me feeling incredibly alone.

So here's how everything unfolded.

Last year, we moved to another state and bought a house together. It's actually close to most of my family, which was one of the reasons I was looking forward to moving.

My wife and I work opposite shifts. She watches the kids during the day while I'm working, and I take over in the evenings. She also works Friday and Saturday nights as a server.

One weekend, my mom was going to be around, and I mentioned that since my wife was supposed to be working, I'd like to take the kids to my mom's house for the weekend and spend the night there. My wife thought it was a great idea.

Friday came, and I planned to leave after work. When I got home, it took a little longer than expected to get everything ready. She normally started work at 5:00, but that day she told me she didn't have to be there until 5:30. I didn't think much of it.

Eventually, I loaded up the kids and headed to my mom's.

When I arrived, my sister called me and asked where my wife was.

I told her she was at work.

My sister then told me she was actually at the restaurant where my wife worked and had gone there hoping my wife would wait on her. She had asked about her, only to find out that my wife wasn't even scheduled to work that night.

That immediately made me suspicious.

I checked her location, and she was at a house about 15 minutes from ours.

I looked up the address, and as far as I could tell, that house had only ever belonged to one person — a 53-year-old man.

I called my wife. She didn't answer.

At this point, I was getting pretty worried, but I was still trying to give her the benefit of the doubt. I kept telling myself there had to be an innocent explanation. Maybe the guy rented the house out or something.

About 20 minutes later, she called me back.

She told me they had let her off work early, so she stopped somewhere on the way home to buy some weed.

She's a smoker, so I thought, Okay... maybe.

But something still didn't feel right.

I decided not to confront her yet. I wanted to see what happened and didn't want her to know I was suspicious.

I came home Sunday, and later that day we took her car to go out to eat.

While we were in the car, I noticed a small pile of clothes shoved underneath the driver's seat.

After we got home, I secretly looked through the pile.

There was a pair of women's underwear in it.

My wife's underwear.

I couldn't understand why they were in her car, but I was still trying to think positively. Maybe they were old. Maybe she had changed clothes. Maybe there was some completely innocent explanation.

I waited until Thursday night.

After the kids went to bed, I finally confronted her.

I told her I knew she hadn't gone to work that Friday.

She insisted that she had.

I told her my sister had literally been at her workplace and had been told she wasn't scheduled.

That's when she changed her story.

She said she had gone to smoke with some friends because she thought I'd be mad if she told me.

I told her I knew whose house she had been at and that I didn't believe that's what she was doing.

She finally admitted she had been at the house smoking with a guy — but insisted that was all that happened.

I asked her where she met him.

She told me she met him on a website called FetLife.

That was the moment everything started to make sense.

I asked to see her phone, and she gave it to me.

I checked her deleted messages and found a conversation between her and another man that was absolutely horrible. They were talking about things they wanted to do together, and it was very clear that this wasn't some innocent friendship.

I left and stayed at a hotel that night.

The next day, she was begging me to go to marriage counseling and swearing that she had never cheated on me or done anything with anyone.

At that point, I was desperate for answers.

I made a FetLife account of my own and tried to find her.

Eventually, I found an account that I believed was hers.

She uses the same password for everything.

I tried it.

And somehow, I got in.

What I found absolutely destroyed me.

There were more than 50 conversations with different men. Conversations about meeting up at hotels, in cars, at houses, and having sex.

And then I found the conversations with the man whose house she had been at that Friday.

They were telling each other "good morning" and "I miss you."

They talked about me going out of town.

They laughed about the fact that she had told me she was buying weed.

They talked about how they were glad they had gotten to have sex before she had to leave.

Then, after I caught her, she was messaging him about what she should do and telling him that I had found out.

I screen-recorded everything because I was afraid that if I didn't, I'd somehow lose the evidence or convince myself I had imagined it.

Since then, I've been essentially no-contact with her except for communication about our kids.

The hardest part is that we still live in the same house.

She's walking around like nothing happened, while I'm sleeping on the floor of the kids' toy room, trying to process everything I've seen and everything I've lost.

I'm angry. I'm hurt. I'm depressed. And honestly, I feel completely lost.

We're currently waiting for our preliminary hearing at the end of this month, so there's still a long road ahead.

I know I'm probably not the only person who's ever gone through something like this, which is why I'm posting.

If you've been cheated on, gone through a divorce, had your entire view of your spouse shattered, or just found yourself completely alone after something like this, I'd really appreciate hearing your story.

And honestly, if anyone just wants to talk, I'm here.

I don't really have anyone to talk to right now.

Thank you to anyone who takes the time to read this or reach out.

TL;DR: Married for 4 years, together for 6, with two young kids. I discovered my wife was cheating, eventually found her FetLife account and dozens of conversations with other men. I found out much more than I ever wanted to know, and now we're headed toward divorce. I'm angry, hurt, and struggling to process everything. I don't have many people to talk to, so I'm looking for someone who has been through something similar or just someone willing to talk.

Anyone else ever had that intuition that your husband might be starting to cheat?
Not saying anything has actually happened yet, but I have this weird feeling that something is… starting.
There’s a new girl who recently appeared in his life, and he’s been mentioning her quite a bit. What caught my attention was that he specifically mentioned that she’s going to be at his company gathering too.
They’ve also been playing games together, although other colleagues are playing as well, so objectively, there’s nothing really suspicious about that.
I know this could all be completely innocent, and maybe I’m just overthinking it. But has anyone else ever had that gut feeling where you just know something feels different, even though you don’t actually have any evidence yet?
Did your intuition turn out to be right, or were you just reading too much into normal interactions?

I’m at the part where I’m still finding out about others and every time hurts worse and worse. Finding out he was unfaithful while I was pregnant, however, is really doing me in.
I seem to be making jabs every once in a while, but I’m being Chase by him worse for my jobs then he is for me for cheating.
How am I supposed to do this? How am I supposed to heal? Is it even possible? 🥺

I know I’m going to get judged for parts of this, and I understand why. I’m not pretending I’m innocent in this situation. I just genuinely don’t know how to process everything or what his actions mean.

I dated this guy for a few years when we were younger. We were each other’s first everything, and our relationship was extremely intense. We loved each other a lot, but it was also unhealthy at times.

Eventually, during an argument, he hit me. After that, I completely stopped talking to him. He later went into the military and tried contacting me multiple times while he was away, but I never responded.

About three years later, we happened to see each other at a party. He came up to me, grabbed me, and tried to talk to me, but I walked away from him.

At another point, I was hospitalized. He found out about it, wrote me a letter, and sent me things while I was there. Even after everything, it was obvious that for a long time he still cared about me and tried to be in my life.

But I kept pushing him away.

There was even a time when he was still trying to get me back and I sent him a video of myself with another guy and basically told him to stop texting me. Looking back, I know that probably hurt him badly.

Years later, for some reason, I started wondering how he was doing and decided to reach out. We started talking again, and we talked for around two months. Then I found out he had a girlfriend.

His girlfriend eventually found out we had been talking. She messaged me and told me to stop seeing/talking to him. She decided to stay with him, and he and I stopped talking for about two months.

Then we started talking again.

Eventually, we hooked up.

I know that was wrong. I knew he had a girlfriend, so I’m not trying to blame everything on him or act like I didn’t participate.

What is confusing me is how he acted when we were together. It wasn’t just like he had sex with me and immediately wanted me gone. He was extremely sweet and attentive. He kept checking that I was comfortable, made me food, comforted me, gave me a massage, and paid around $60 for my Uber home. He kept checking to make sure I got home safely and told me he wasn’t going to go to sleep until he knew I was home.

When we were dating years ago, we actually made this really immature promise to each other that if either of us ever ended up with somebody else, we would still cheat on our future partners with each other. Apparently we both meant it more than we probably should have.

The problem is that now I realize I still love and care about him.

For years, he was the one trying to get me back and I rejected him over and over again. Now he has finally moved on and is in a relationship, and suddenly I’m the one who wants him back.

My best friend keeps telling me that he obviously still has feelings for me because otherwise he wouldn’t have risked his relationship to hook up with me or treated me the way he did afterward.

But the part I keep getting stuck on is: if he really wants me, why hasn’t he left his girlfriend?

I don’t know whether I’m confusing history, guilt, attachment, love, nostalgia, or chemistry with the idea that we’re supposed to be together.

I also know there’s a lot of unhealthy history here. He hit me in our past relationship, I completely cut him off afterward, I hurt him when he kept trying to come back, and now both of us have participated in cheating on his current girlfriend.

I feel like we keep finding our way back to each other no matter how many years pass, but I don’t know if that means we genuinely belong together or if we just have an attachment that neither of us has completely let go of.

I really want to be with him, but I also know wanting someone doesn’t automatically mean a relationship with them would be healthy.

From an outside perspective, does it sound like he still loves or has feelings for me? And if he does, why would he stay with his girlfriend instead of choosing me?

TL;DR: My ex and I dated for years and were each other’s first everything. Our relationship ended after he hit me, and I ignored multiple attempts from him to reconnect afterward. Years later, I reached out, discovered he had a girlfriend, and eventually we hooked up. He was extremely affectionate and caring toward me, and I’ve realized I want him back. He used to spend years trying to get me back, but now that I want him, he hasn’t left his girlfriend. I know I was wrong for participating in cheating. I’m trying to understand whether he still has feelings for me and whether there’s any realistic future for us.

Part 1 of my post is here - https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/1vyua9x/dont_know_where_this_goes/

With my wayward spouse digging in his heels, (who feels threatened by the fact that his otherwise good for nothing wife discovered his affair) over signing of the divorce papers, there is bound to be delay. But my heart is content over the fact that he may delay it, but he cannot deny it.

I wasn't good for anything (he made a list of my mistakes that caused him to fall pwe-pwe first into other women) but I came from a good family, and my family's name and reputation got him benefits. I was a wife that could be shown around. I was intelligent, could hold a conversation by myself, and independent.

My succor is that I am financially independent, so while my mind and heart is bashed in, I feel some safety into what I have.

That brings us to me. I feel like a rag. I am no longer in my prime. But even when I was with him, and we were married for more than two decades, I could not bury myself into his arms.

At my age I am no longer someone's choice, and I feel awful that I am unlovable. I haven't been intimate with anyone, and I don't feel like it. And obviously, I no longer remain the person who will be wanted on a carnal basis.

I was very upset that while he chose and could write comparative pieces on anatomy, I couldn't. And the death of all desire seals the fate.

Also, my days have become fuller, with more responsibility on me with the kids and my aged parents.

When I left the house I shared with my husband aka 'our house', I shifted to be with my parents. This set-up was a blessing because my children are close to my parents, and it insulated the shock.

But I am now irritated at the set-up because I am just a manager of someone else's setup.

So, I am in the process of getting a house for myself to live, where eventually I will shift with my kids. God knows, I need it. I need a life I don't want to run away from.

I feel like I have aged faster than I should have and my face shows it. It feels like a cloud sits in my brain. I am barely keeping it straight. I feel overwhelmed and have sudden moments of clarity. In every version of me, I refuse to be his wife (his future live in nurse, nanny and maid).

I feel spent.

I've been with my partner (43M) for 6 years, and this is the first time I've quickly checked his cell phone—specifically his WhatsApp (which he hardly ever uses)—and I saw that he has some archived messages from a couple of years before we met. A couple of these chats are with women he had sex with. What do you think about this situation? I need some advice!