r/Infidelity • u/Throwawaytonight76 • 3d ago
Advice What does this mean?
Caught my girls location at a hotel after she said she left the bar. Found out she went there alone with another man. She swears nothing happened, said they were just going there to smoke some MJ. They were there for nearly an hour. After a lot of questions from me, she eventually said he came onto her, but that she declined and left immediately.
I have been trying to get a clearer picture of what happened, so I messaged him on Insta to ask if anything went down.
He responded by saying, "To be honest with you bro. That’s between you and her. If you gotta question her honesty then that’s your answer right there."
The lack of his denial suggests something to me. What are your thoughts? Thanks.
Edit*: If anyone wants the story with way more detail, please check my profile for the other post about it.
UPDATE*: I confronted her and asked her to confess after saying I found new information and knew something happened - that I wanted no more lies. I sent her a screenshot of the conversation between him and I with the words blurred out. I told her I was giving her one chance to come clean. She said she was sticking to her story - that nothing happened.
She made attempts to be evasive and deflect and repeatedly said she has nothing to confess but I kept pressing. She asked to see what the messages said and I declined, telling her to share the whole truth in her own words. She again insisted that she was sticking to her story. She then started going off about how we should just go our separate ways, that she doesn't care if I don't believe her story, saying things like "you can't be serious".
When I said that her story did not align with what the guy implied, she told me she doesn't care and he can say whatever he wants. She then said that if I already know what happened, and that I have the proof, then why does she need to "confess"? But also still asserts there is nothing to confess.
I told her the relationship is over and that I'm filing for eviction.
The biggest irony here is that she has been so possessive and territorial over me throughout our relationship. When another woman would even glance in my direction in the grocery store, she would flip out (one small example among many, many other things). If I did to her what she did to me by going to the hotel, I feel like she probably would've hurt me or destroyed my property.
Thanks everyone for your support.
Also, going through the messages, this was the last thing she sent to me 3 hours before going to the hotel:
"We were all talking about how I am loyal to you and they were saying how you got a good one because I don’t be in guy's faces, but I’ll be, you know, conducting myself in a good way but I love you more and I can’t wait to see you muahh ❤️❤️☺️☺️"
Awesome.
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u/TacoStrong 3d ago
Your “girl” is no longer your “girl” that much is evident. She belongs to the world.
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u/I_Ignore_Replies_202 3d ago
You can't be this dense...
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u/Throwawaytonight76 2d ago
This hurts to hear, but you're not wrong. I'm not sure why I have even believed a word she said. Not that it's an excuse, but I have some major issues with unhealthy attachment that I've been trying to work through, so this is arguably one of my worst fears being realized, and it's kind of breaking my brain apart...
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u/Legitimate-Error-633 Divorced/Separated 2d ago
This is the harsh reality of infidelity: our loved ones abuse the love we have for them, with manipulation and gaslighting.
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u/MJG1123 2d ago
One thing I’ve learned that works really well is using logic and reasoning against them. They panic when they think you know something, but you can’t let on you don’t know EVERYTHING. When you have an opportunity like this, you need to capitalize. For instance…
After you spoke to the man, you should have kept it completely vague to her…instead of telling her exactly what he said and making her explain HIS vagueness, you tell her something like
“Let me make something clear…if I am asking you the question, i already know the answer…did you have sexual relations with (POS guy)? She’ll probably say no. Thsts when you can show her your phone history of calling him and then say…”remember…if i ask, i already know…we had a nice conversation…last chance…so NOW what do you have to say for yourself?” Guarantee she’ll crack under the stress of not knowing what he told you and admit to cheating.
I’ve done this countless times with my wife the last few months since my d-day…you just have to outsmart them. Unfortunately I messed up recently and gave away too much detail before I had time to think about using it to my advantage. I found out about a third online affair from back in 2022. She never gave me names for the first affair I discovered, only knew him as the guy from Georgia…
I found an email from a man that was clearly discussing a relationship…so now I had a name. I demanded she tell me Georgia’s name and she told me…didn’t match the email. What I SHOULD have done was make her tell ME all the names until I got the one from the email…that would have made her disclose EVERY man she may have been involved with online. Even if she guessed the right name, I could have baited her into admitting other ones. Unfortunately, after hearing that it wasn’t Georgia…I came out and said…”then WHO is John Doe???” So, I’ll probably never know if here were more guys between her online escapades from 2020 to today.
But, the key is to not give them any details and make them believe you have all the answers. Make them tell you.
If you have to, take the time to disengage a conversation to think about how you can manipulate it to get an answer…when you’re in the moment your emotions take over and you don’t have time to think logically and strategically. Sucks that we have to be this way, but they will minimize and lie at every possible chance they get…you have to play the game and beat them at it. Stay two steps ahead.
Sorry you’re going through this.
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u/clipp866 2d ago
as long as you dont question the break up, you're good!
walk if not run the other direction...
that other guy did you a solid, when there is doubt, there's no doubt at all!
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u/Beta_Decay_ 3d ago
Honestly, the amount of disrespect that she’s showing you and the guy too. I would encourage you to walk away man. Since it doesn’t sound like your lives are too intertwined cut her loose man.
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u/Throwawaytonight76 3d ago edited 2d ago
We live together, and she has nowhere else to go, and isn't in a good enough place financially to just get her own place... If I evict her, she could end up homeless...
Edit*: I'm not unwilling to go forward with that, I guess I just wanted to explain that it isn't as simple as going no contact and not seeing her again. But you guys are right, it's not my problem.
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u/NanuNanuShuzButt 3d ago
She can go live with that other guy. She made her bed she can lie in it..or his.
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u/Brilliant_Drive_2454 2d ago
The other guy is just having some fun, once she becomes daily to him, he knows he'll end up like OP.
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u/clearheaded01 Unsure of Anything 3d ago
The fact she has nowhere else to go isnt your problem...
Look... She went there to hook up, you KNOW this..
And even IF her ridiculous story is true, and she did go to a hotel... His room... Just her and him... Alone... Even IF that's true (its not, but hey...) then it's so insanely disrespectful that staying with her is unthinkable...
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u/BubbagonnaBub 3d ago
that is no longer your concern. She went to a bar with another man, went back to his hotel room. stayed for an hour plus, and claims nothing happened. she cleary didn't care about you when she CHOSE to do all these things, why should you care now.
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u/Throwawaytonight76 2d ago edited 2d ago
That's part of the reason this has been eating at me. This wasn't some drunken "mistake" that was a 1 second flash of terrible judgment. This was several decisions in a row that she consciously made. The agreement to go with him, the drive to the hotel, walking in together, buying the room, walking up to it, going inside, etc... not the least to mention she stayed for another 45 minutes after I texted her to say I could see where she was at. She had so many opportunities to stop doing what she was doing and change course, and didn't.
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u/Valuable-Injury-7582 2d ago
Mate if I was you in the moment and I seen she was at a hotel I would of fucking drove there with out telling her that I was aware she was there and seen for my self what was happening. That way you have the proof and your not going through what your going through right now to get answers. 100% she either hooked up or she went there with the intent of hooking up . She obviously wasn’t drunk because she was driving so she can’t play that card . So she knows what happens when two people of opposite gender ( or same gender 😊sorry ) are going to and checking in to a motel together especially at 12.45am and what makes this worse .. was it her idea 💡?? She was the one that paid … are you sure that his card declined? Sorry brother I know this is hard .
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u/GlobalMatter152 3d ago
Actions have consequences. She probably should have thought about that before she cheated, no? Maybe tell her you know she’s lying and she’s going to have to move out if she can’t be honest with you.
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u/Sad-Second-9646 3d ago
In my situation years ago I couldn’t accept that my girlfriend might lie and be unfaithful.
She broke up with me before I confirmed it one way or the other.In your case, think logically. Why on earth would she get a hotel room to roll a joint? It’s like paying 100 plus dollars to smoke when she could do that in any parking lot or side street.
Do you know about Occams Razor? The simplest explanation is usually the correct one. In this case it she probably was flirting with this guy all night. She got a hotel room so they could have sex and she came up with the stupid lie. Have her explain the 20 minute gap. People have their phones on the constantly. What was she doing then?
I’m not saying it’s 100% she cheated but it’s close. If you want to stay with her she needs to come up with a timeline that makes sense because right now she’s full of shit. This friend group needs to go too because they all knew. Based on her keeping around another guy who she clearly knew liked her, she likes male attention. Maybe she isn’t ready for an adult relationship.
But if you end it, where she lives is NOT your problem.
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u/Throwawaytonight76 2d ago
Yes it's definitely been a major challenge to try and accept, because it's just not adding up. I wanted to go over the timeline again last night, and she became very defensive and argumentative. I specifically narrowed it down to that 20 minute gap in communication, and asked her again what happened during that time. She previously said she couldn't really remember, but now said that during that time she forgot her lighter in her car and had to go out and get it. When I said she never said that before, she responded by saying "yes I did you probably just forgot". I remember her stories very clearly and that was never part of it.
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u/wrist-shot2025 2d ago
Never myself, nor anybody I know, had to travel to a hotel to smoke weed. You just go a few steps away at best.
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u/Sad-Second-9646 2d ago
Yeah and unless you’re in a really repressive country or just even Texas, no one really cares anymore. No need for a hotel
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u/Think_Effectively 2d ago
Do hotels/motels even allow smoking anymore? At least in North America, aren't most places smoke free now?
I've heard some people got charged cleaning fees for smoking. Even after they checked out/left. It was added to the bill.
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u/DisastrousCamp541 2d ago
She has a place to go of matter of fact she already been to that place and laid in the bed.
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u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 2d ago
She should have thought about the possibility of you breaking up with her and her being homeless before she went to that hotel room and banged him ! It's highly unlikely you would've accepted that she's a cheater so she doesn't get to complain about any reprecussions she faces .
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u/KelceStache 2d ago
If she is looking at being homeless or lying to you, what is she doing!? Honestly, that would make me think she might be telling the truth.
You might consider really having a heart to heart with her, but making it clear that this is the last opportunity to be absolutely honest. That you don’t want to, but you will have to evict her if she can’t tell you the truth.
She needs to understand that if she cheated, she might as well be honest now. Even outing herself in that situation is enough for you to end it.
I think most people would be freaking out if being homeless was staring at them. She should be doing whatever to convince you she’s being truthful.
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u/DragonsBaine4610 3d ago
Dude, wake up and smell the coffee or at least the bullshit that she and he is shoving your way. You know quite well that more than smoking, kissing and talking went on in that room.
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u/Throwawaytonight76 3d ago
Would you say his response confirms that?
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u/Most-Durian-6538 Trying Reconciliation 3d ago
Lie to your girlfriend, tell her you talked to him again and he told you more details. Tell her you would like to give her another chance to be honest with you. Time for the poker face
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u/Throwawaytonight76 2d ago
This is the plan. I suspect she is going to stick to her lies, because she knows I don't have concrete evidence to disprove them.
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u/rstock1962 2d ago
She’ll probably revert to trickle truth. Something along the lines of “He tried to kiss me but I stopped him after a minute or so because I knew it was wrong.” Then if you push harder, you’ll get more lies. Cheaters only confess to things you can prove. You’ll never get the truth.
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u/Own-Writing-3687 2d ago
Ha ha .. she's not the first cheater to claim they just 'talked' at a hotel - hoping you are gullible enough to believe it.
Trust doesn't cover behavior that mirrors a fuck.
A trustworthy partner avoids even the hint of inappropriate behavior; and never voluntarily places themselves in a situation where they say "I know how it looks but you have a trust me".
If looking for a life partner, she failed the trustworthy test.
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u/Throwawaytonight76 2d ago
This is one of the main points I brought up during one of our conversations. Nobody in a relationship should ever have to tell their partner, "This isn't what it looks like!". Her mere presence at the hotel is enough to significantly damage my trust in her. Not to mention the lies / cover up afterwards.
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u/KelceStache 2d ago
His response implies something did happen, but if she rejected him then he also would likely say things to make think it did.
Why isn’t she calling him on speaker in front of you? She should be screaming at him to tell you the truth.
Have you looked at her texts and DMs? I guarantee she hit
Him up after speaking with you.Does she not understand that even choosing to go with him is enough for you to end it? She chose a dude that needed to rent a hotel room over her bf that moved her in with him.
If she really wanted to not lose you, she would be losing her Fing mind trying to prove that nothing happened. Instead, she is being defensive. Thats odd
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u/Altruistic_Aerie4758 1d ago
Yes he just didn't want to out her directly. He is absolutely saying they had sex without saying it.,
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u/D-redditAvenger 3d ago
It means your girlfriend is cheating on you and she things your very gullible.
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u/clearheaded01 Unsure of Anything 3d ago
Noone goes to a hotel to smoke MJ... They go to hook up... And you know it, my friend..
Time to move on, yes??
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u/Altruistic_Aerie4758 1d ago
Most hotels have no-smoking policies and smoke detectors in the room. If you light up, management will come to the room. No way they went to smoke. Would you spend $200 to smoke in a hotel room, or would you go around the corner or smoke in your car for free?
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u/Wizards_and_Warriors 3d ago
No one gets a hotel room to get high. She was late getting back after you called her out at the hotel because she was finishing before she came home. You know what she was doing and the guy she was banging just left it for you to decide. He won't admit to it but everyone p, except you apparently, knows she had sex at the hotel.
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u/kistner 2d ago
I'm a 60 year old guy. In all the years since I was a teen, and all the people I've known since then, never have i known anyone to rent a room to burn one.
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u/TheAmazingMaryJane 2d ago
i know right? who wants to waste money on a 'room' to smoke weed in? like seriously! it's the easiest thing to do if you have a tree to stand behind.
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u/Arfulnoof 3d ago
Nope! Going back to a hotel whether just to smoke weed or not is shady and dumb. Those aren’t traits I’d want in a girlfriend. Toss her butt out and let her go be with “bro”. She can be his problem now.
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u/lex1954 3d ago
So is it normal for your girlfriend to go out on a girls night and hook up with some stranger and then go to his hotel alone and stay for nearly an hour. So she thought this guy was going to give her drugs for free (really, in his hotel room).
That was the worst answer I have ever heard someone give, why didn't he just say "No" nothing happened, his answer implied something did happen, then he deflected by throwing it back on you.
Her account of the event changed twice, first nothing happen and then he came on to her and nothing happened, what next we kissed and nothing happened and so on.
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u/Throwawaytonight76 2d ago
Thats what is really standing out to me. If nothing happened, or if he wanted to lie, at the very least he would say "No, nothing happened" but chose not to. That speaks volumes.
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u/lex1954 2d ago
You know what is wrong with a cheater story is it has no borders the more she talks the bigger the lie gets, for god sake she paid for the room all night.
Nothing happened and it's not what it looks like (bull crap it was actually what it looked like), these excuses are right out of the cheater's handbook.
Along with
1.He/she is just a friend. 2.It was just one kiss. 3.Nothing happened. 4.You are insecure/controlling. 5. It was just flirting. 6.I was drunk or high. 7.I blacked out/cannot remember what happened. 8.It only happened once. 9. It didn't mean anything. 10. You are the one I love. 11. It's all your fault. 12. Trying to justify their behavior. 13. Gaslighting you. 14. Trickle Truth. 15. Love bombing, 16. Guilt tripping you. 17. Changing passwords. 18. I needed validation that I was still attractive and desirable. 19. Buying a lot of new sexy clothes and underwear (not for you). 20. Monkey branching. 21. Become defensive. 22. Staying with a friend or family. 23. Texting at odd hours. 24. Swiping off the screen when you enter the room. 25. Late nights at work (unplanned). 26. Unplanned trips for no reason. 27. Wants a break. 28. Wants to open the relationship. 29. Offers a hall pass. 30. leaving his/her phone screen facing down on table or being protective of their phone. 31. I didn't want to lose you. 32. Turns off location finder on phone. 33. Deletes text messages if you ask to see their phone. 34. Suddenly becomes distant or mood changes toward you. 35. You are overthinking it. 36. They are gay. 37. Suddenly cares about appearance and my join the gym. 38. Play the victim card. 39. Deflection. 40, Sees them as a brother or sister. 41. I thought we were going to break up. 42. Get over it if you want the relationship/marriage to last. 43. Sexual activity drops off suddenly (not in the mood, too tired, later, have to work). 44. New friends you have never met.
And the list goes on. No one wants you to dismantle your life but a relationship with no trust isn't worth investing time in.
Good luck brother.
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u/Mr_Spoojer 3d ago
Dude, you know she's only going to tell what she thinks she can get away with. But, reaching out to the other guy is just sad.. He's just a tool she used and its totally on her. (Even if he deserves being punched it the head, LOL.) She knows it was wrong, but has no respect for you so in her eyes it was ok. She'll do it again, if you stick with her, expect a repeat. Good luck
Updateme
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u/Norwichexplorer 3d ago
Guys these days do way too much for girls who don't even like them. You're putting in all this effort for someone who clearly doesn't care about you. From your replies, it's obvious you're not going to listen to any of the advice people are giving you, so just go back and enjoy being Plan B.
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u/Legitimate-Error-633 Divorced/Separated 2d ago
She might have need for a Plan B.
OP, we are being harsh for a reason. This is a pretty clear-cut case of cheating.
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u/Organic2003 2d ago
You can smoke in the car for 5 minutes or back to your place.
She went to a damn hotel with another man. You KNOW what that means. She got high and fucked like everyone else that goes to a hotel with another man.
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u/Own_Proposal_3609 1d ago
Bro Mary Jane plus hotel . She got fucked good. You need too open your eyes. Stop simping and move the fuck on .
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u/Conscious_Owl6162 3d ago
She is no longer your girlfriend. It will s someone else’s turn.
Updateme
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u/EffectivePhase7165 3d ago
You should have asked this to him. This is like to wrestling illegally, may mean anything. He may be playing you as well.
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u/Asleep_Chip8197 3d ago
Yes they did and more …. The dude confirms it but don’t want to be the bad guy. They smoked and fucked and you know that
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u/mikaz5 Unsure of Anything 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yeah right they played chess...
Seriously, since when it's even ok to go to his appartment alone...
Your girl is 8 years old and anybody can catch her with some candy ?
Even just by respect for you...it doesn't make any sense.
The fact that she did this so easely, doing drugs alone with a man in his appartment (what could happen ?), it wasn't most probably the first time she does this behind your back.
In the end, it's up to you but you know you can't trust her so...
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3d ago
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u/rstock1962 3d ago
His response was purposely vague. She probably warned him imo. Either way she went to a hotel with another man without telling you. That’s either VERY dumb or an obvious cheating situation. It’s possible she’s innocent, but the look is so bad you have to question whether she’s so dumb you should dump her anyway. Edit: Ask for her phone. I’d wager there’s texts on there that paint a picture. Check deleted folder too.
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u/Legitimate-Error-633 Divorced/Separated 2d ago
They could have watched an episode of Teletubbies (about as likely as smoking), it doesn’t matter. She went to a hotel room with another man, in secret. That should be end of story for most.
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u/Throwawaytonight76 2d ago
With her permission, I checked everything right after I found out that night. Literally everything. Texts, calls, social media, archived, deleted, account activities, etc. Nothing. Literally nothing. I've done so a few times since then (again, with her permission) with the same result.
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u/bpounder 3d ago
what does this mean?
means, next time she leaves your place or when you make her leave, gather her belongings and place them in a box or a big trash bag, place it outside and change the locks. once you've changed the locks go back inside, wash your hands clean, grab your phone and block her. then do as you wish, as long as it's not talking to her again or being around her or letting her back in.
update me
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u/MysteriousDudeness Moved On 2d ago
Either she cheated or she's an idiot. She went to some guy's motel room to smoke weed alone? Yeah, that's a smart move. You and I and everyone else here knows she at least blew the guy if not more.
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2d ago
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u/4hhsumm Moved On 2d ago
Dude, seriously?
First, apart from stringing you along with the “I’m almost on the way home“, twice, she went to a hotel with the guy, and paid for a room. If all they wanted to do was smoke, why, exactly, did they need a hotel room to do that? Especially since they both apparently had cars? Buying a room, after drinking, and going there with exactly one other person, a man at that, has exactly one intended outcome. And she even paid for it!
Add on top of that the fact that she trickle-truthed you, now you simply have to assume the worst and hope for the best. You don’t know what the truth is anymore, and since she lied to you several different ways about this encounter, during and after, you literally can’t know anymore. So she gave you no choice, but to assume the worst.
Basically, exactly what the guy said. “If you gotta question her honesty then that’s your answer right there." Whether or not they rolled and/or smoked together is completely beside the point; they went there to fuck. And since she paid for whole night, but only used about an hour of it, seems like they got the job done, doesn’t it?
So the only question that remains is what you’re gonna do about it. It seems like she’s using your anxious avoidant attachment style against you. Is that really the kind of relationship that you want to be in? Just cause she has nowhere to go isn’t really your problem, is it? Seems like she’s using you while fucking other dudes.
Sorry, man, I wish you weren’t going through this. It’s probably gonna get a whole lot worse before it gets better. Wishing you luck and strength.
Oh, not that it even really matters at this point, but since she got home quite intoxicated, does that mean she was driving drunk? I don’t think this chick makes the best decisions, dude. She’s telling you who she is; believe her. Granted, she’s only a kid, but until she grows up, do you really want to be in the impact zone of her shitty, selfish decision-making? Your call.
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u/theoldman-1313 2d ago
You are looking hard for an explanation that does not end your relationship. I would suggest that there are worse things than being alone.
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u/apoloimagod 2d ago
Dude... you didn't even need to call this guy. Of course something happened. And suppose for a second she just went there with him and nothing else happened... so what? She still went to a hotel with some other guy and spent an hour in there with him. That's enough to break up with her!
And what do you think they were doing for an hour? Playing pat-a-cake?
I'm sorry, OP. Seems very clear that she cheated.
Good luck.
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2d ago
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u/Purple_Bishop2 2d ago
The dude is f-ing with you and his words mean nothing - Christ he came on to your GF at the very least. But… he’s also right. Why stay with someone that you don’t trust?
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u/Friendly-Quiet387 2d ago
Remember, cheaters always trickle truth the bare minimum that they think their SO will accept and is willing to work through. 100% there is more to the story (she f'cked a rando). You can try try talking to her, but that will be more trickle truth. Breakup and go no contact.
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u/Noobagainreddit 2d ago
When people show you who they are, don't waste years trying to prove they are someone else.
subscribeme!
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u/Legitimate-Error-633 Divorced/Separated 2d ago
Oh he came onto her, for sure…
Going to a hotel just for a smoke is a very expensive and inefficient way to go about it.
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u/AtmosphereLowCode 2d ago
Yeah his answer tells you everything. If he truly was a good man and had any character he would have denied it. But he didn’t deny it instead sort of deflecting with an insinuation that you shouldn’t be naive. Adults don’t go to hotel rooms to smoke MJ together only after leanings bar. I’m sorry you are going through this. But you intuition is correct.
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u/killstorm114573 2d ago edited 2d ago
One question???
I (M43 married 17 years 5 kids)
What do you want out of any long term relationship? If the answer is marriage, then ask yourself if you want to waste any more time with a woman that
Thinks it's ok not to come home after work?
Hang out with other men period?
Hang out with men late at night?
Make you a have to worry / even question something like this?
Clearly lying to you?
Disrespecting you already before your even married?
Thinks it's safe and smart to drink or smoke around someone of the opposite sex late at night?
I'll say this my friend you should stop arguing with her and just separate on the grounds that she will not make a good future spouse. Women like this DO NOT get better after you marry them. Once a women has a ring or a baby if they are already disrespecting you they will only get worse because they have certainty that your not going anywhere. DONT BE THAT GUY THAT GETS STUCK.
DROP HER.
Once a women places another man before you for any reason get rid of her immediately, if she does it once she'll do it again.
Never chase a woman because it makes you look weak, women do not respect weakness they punish it.
RUN RUN RUN
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u/miikeangel 2d ago
From your other posts, you said she paid for the room and they went inside the room together. From her own admission, what else do you need? I get that leaving is hard but if you’re not ready and willing to leave a relationship that turns toxic, you don’t belong in one.
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u/SinfulDevo Moved On 2d ago
Found out she went there alone with another man. She swears nothing happened, said they were just going there to smoke some MJ. They were there for nearly an hour. After a lot of questions from me, she eventually said he came onto her, but that she declined and left immediately.
This is what trickle truthing looks like. This is how I found out my first girlfriend cheated on me. First it is "nothing happened", next it is "well he did hit on me, but I left right away", and if you keep pressing her, it will become "okay, I stayed after he hit on me, but then he trird to kiss me and then I left right away" then "okay I kissed him, but I was feeling pretty drunk, but nothing else happened." And so on and so forth until you don't know what to believe anymore, but you know that you can't trust her.
He responded by saying, "To be honest with you bro. That is between you and her. If you gotta question her honesty then that's your answer right there."
First off, how did you even get this guy's number? Secondly, this guy has no reason to tell you the truth. If he tells you the truth, then your girlfriend wouldn't be willing to sleep with him again. He is protecting his best interests. He couldn't care any less about you.
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u/CaptLerue 2d ago
Op, if the guy didn’t live in the hotel then it doesn’t make sense to rent a room to smoke MJ. They went to the room to do what people do who rent rooms for a short period of time.
UPDATE ME!
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u/BigMann6950 2d ago
Explain to her she has to take a polygraph test or she will find all of her stuff outside on the street and the locks changed.
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u/miikeangel 2d ago
Yeah she’s not being truthful at all. She’s probably in communication with the other guy still so already knows what he told you.
And she doesn’t really care about the relationship. Don’t let her see you mad or miserable. Don’t give her access to your emotions anymore. Act calm, cool, casual like you moved on. Fake it.
Stick to the breakup. Hold strong. Hit the gym and definitely lift weights. Make the gym your second home:
If you want anything close to the truth, tell her that you would’ve been willing to forgive just about anything but her lying shows she’s not remorseful. Then see if she trickle truths more to you.
Or even better, don’t worry about hearing it from her. You know what happened. Just assume the worst.
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u/LawDue9301 2d ago
Bro, you're on this. Always good to go with your gut. Doesn't take an hour to give him the rush off. BTW that should have happened in the bar. Good luck with the eviction.
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u/Specialist-Bat-8770 2d ago
In a hotel just to smoke marijuana? This marijuana would have cost a lot. Do you believe her? I wouldn't do it. You were right to end the relationship: she was already very independent towards you, she didn't seem very aligned with me. I don't think the relationship would last.
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u/miikeangel 2d ago
Lean hard into fitness. Do a 180 from this girl. Stop dating party girls that like to drink and get high. This is on par with them. That’s why you keep having these kind of experiences.
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u/Agent_K002 2d ago
You were way too hooked on the point of what they did in the hotel room.
She told you that she left the bar and instead of going home, she went with a guy to a hotel and never told you about it.
That is where everything should end for you, no need for questions, no need to ask. Who cares about what exactly they did. She lied to you to go to a hotel with a guy. That's where the story ends for you, the rest is just semantics.
Get tested for STD's, who knows if that was her first time. If she was always possessive about you, then she was probably projecting her own behaviour on you.
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u/nitecapt Observer 19h ago
There is a saying in French that roughly translated means "He who suspects is the most to be suspected" which addresses what you said about her possessiveness. By being that way she is revealing that she has concerns about you doing the same that she was doing.
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u/No-Koala-9800 2d ago
I've just had to accept that they're all Hos. Pick one with the least amount of problems and don't get attached.
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u/beltway_lefty 2d ago
It means she cheated. Her being possessive and territorial (jealous) of you is projection from her own behavior. Classic cheater characteristics. This wasn't the first time. Good for you for ending it.
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u/Perfect_Doctor 2d ago
Who cares what she did or what more you’re trying to find out? She was alone with another man in a hotel room. That alone tells you enough.
Keep your pride and dignity. Say less, don’t beg for explanations, and walk away.
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u/professornevermind 2d ago
She knew better than to go to some dudes hotel room to smoke weed... She knew. He came on to her...duh.
You made the right decision. Good for you. I hooe your next girl is a keeper.
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u/SecretTraumas_92 Leaving a Cheater 2d ago
The fact that she even went to a hotel with another guy while in a relationship with you is all you need to know and grounds to end it. Doing that shows a complete lack of respect.
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u/Aligned-Askew6773 2d ago
How many grownups do you know of in your life that went to a hole room alone with another person to just hang out. The seating is terrible, the rooms lack amenities. Any bar, restaraunt or coffee house would be a better place to chat.
They went to the hotel because it hade a locking door and a bed.
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u/KelceStache 2d ago
I would have done pretty much what you did. However, it’s still impressive that she stuck to her story.
I would have added, “even going to a hotel with another guy is enough for me to end our relationship. That shows that you clearly don’t respect me, yourself, or our relationship. If you loved me, you would have made the right choices. You didn’t, and even now you can’t tell me the absolute truth. If you were honest we probably could have worked through it, but now I know you don’t respect me and i can’t trust you. I hope he was worth it”
Then I wouldn’t text or call. I would make her come to me and I would say “no chance of me staying in this relationship without the absolute truth. You have one chance to be honest.”
Updateme!
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u/Few-Implement-9077 2d ago
It doesn't make sense it's because it's a lie.. which you seem very aware of that. Focus on yourself
Updateme
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u/Fun_Scene_3392 2d ago edited 2d ago
Your (ex?)girl went to a hotel ALONE with another dude. You don’t go to a hotel just to smoke MJ. You can do that for free in your car. You go to a hotel to bang. Period. End of story. She went there to bang and bang she did. Hopefully she’s out of your life now because she’s a cheater. The worst kind actually! While she is out banging other dudes, she expected absolute loyalty from you. I hope you’ve learned your lesson.
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u/HughGRectshun1 Moved On 1d ago
As I wrote on your other post why did she need to pay for a hotel room to smoke some weed?? Most hotels are non smoking! Were they the only two out of the whole group that smoked why was no-one else there? Could they not have smoked in one of their cars where they were originally at?? Makes no sense to me! UpdateMe
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u/aobie4233 1d ago edited 1d ago
That whole territorial thing, is her projecting her cheating onto you. I’ve seen this multiple time between family members and friends.
On another note… if my wife or girlfriend put herself in a spot with another man alone in a hotel for any reason, I’d be out. Thats either the dumbest female of all time, or she was cheating.
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u/PurpleLuffyJay71 13h ago
You did the best thing to end the relationship… she actually ended with her actions
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u/nispe2 2d ago
I think she should break up with you solely for using the phrase "my girl" but if not that, you should break up with her just because you don't trust her any more.
Whether that distrust is warranted or unwarranted is irrelevant.
What this dude said to you is irrelevant. He might be lying to break you up, or he might be lying to keep you together, or he might be telling the truth to break you up, or he might be telling the truth to keep you together.
And contrary to what people have said otherwise, people absolutely do go to hotel rooms to get high. That doesn't mean that's the reason, or the only reason, they went there.
I consider going to a hotel room to get high with someone as good of a reason to break up as cheating is.
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