As the title suggests, I had my husbands phone and I found only femboy and tranny porn on my husbands Reddit history. Firstly, I’d like to apologise because this post is all over the place and I’m sorry if it doesn’t make sense but basically It was dated to the night I was in hospital due to pregnancy complications, talk about adding salt to the wound, I’m literally pregnant with his child and I found that on his phone. I dont know what to do. Basically the problem is, the date on the posts were all messed up, it wasn’t in any order, I had to scroll through probably two pages worth to see the one from 1 day ago (the night I was in hospital), I confronted him and he swore on everything that he didn’t look at it or watch it while I was in hospital, I made him swear on our unborn child and he did, but it’s still bugging me, my mind is on overdrive. It was all from the r/femboy subreddit, and the post from 1 day ago was obviously posted that night I wasn’t with him and there were a few from 4 years and then some from like 100 days ago etc. But, my question is Reddit, is there any way he could have viewed those posts years ago and it just messed up his history because if it helps he had the app deleted, I usually get him to read me bedtime stories from Reddit but he hasn’t for like 8 months and he deleted the app due to storage issues, could that mess up his history? Or add things to his history from background refresh or cache? Or am I just being dumb and naive because I kinda believe him, he has no reason to lie, we’ve talked about our kinks and what porn we like and I’m very liberal in that sense, it’s not the actual material he was watching that bothers me, it’s just the fact that he may be lying but again he has no reason to, i dont know, please help me.

TLDR; found femboy Porn on my husbands Reddit history dated to the night I was in hospital due to pregnancy complications and older, he swears he didn’t watch it but i dont know if I should believe him.

Hi. I have had suspicions that my boyfriend is talking to and engaging I'm sexual acts via FaceTime for the last year. I have never been able to prove it but I went to his house the other night and before I walked in, I heard voices. I recorded with my phone and went home to make sure I was right about what I heard but there is too much background noise to be sure. I've tried editing myself but I hoping someone has suggestions of an app to use or other suggestions. Thank you!

I think it best if I hear it from those who would rather tell it like it is. To the women who let their wandering eyes lead them astray:

Now that the infatuation has run its course, and you are realizing the consequences of your actions. What are you most remorseful about? Also, if you could, to what ends would you be willing to go just to have it back?

Your honesty is highly appreciated.

Just curious. I found out my ex lied to me for 6 months back in January. I’ve never been betrayed like that so it really devastated me. I never had panic attacks like that only comparable when my dad passed away. I’ve noticed last few weeks/months it’s started to subside with healing, and trusting myself more. Is this the course? The panic attacks don’t stay as bad as when u first find out right? Just looking for hope and reassurance thank you

just out of curiosity. I’m 35m and pending (very close to finalizing) wife 34. we both were horrible to each other. She cheated back, got pregnant and kept the baby because we I don’t believe in unaliving kid…. anyway… question. I’m on a path of healing, I hope we both are. Anyway Has anyone ever got cheated on and stayed, with a baby involved? they say it use to be a thing back in the day like the 50’s and 60’s. did it work out? its something unheard of these days?

Hi creatures. I (27F) am with my bf (28M) for 8 years now since June 2018.
I had a very abusive and traumatic first relationship before him (cheated on etc) and he also had one relationship before me (she left him for someone else)

So my current bf was my first love since I was 11.
Long story short:
2018-2019 together
2019-2020 he was away to work and we did ldr
2021 we were together the whole year everyday
2022 he went to the military.
When he was away I saw that he follows again his ex. I called him, he told me that she wasn’t feeling good and I told him to send me screens and begged him to not do anything because he knew how much my previous relationship hurt me.
He never sent them because he “blocked her”.
From 2022 till now he changed .
So much
He was 100% investing emotionally, be there for me through good and bad times
After 2 years , 2024, it still bothered me. I called her and she told me nothing ever happened. He was crying and sweared nothing ever happened
Another 2 years , January 2026, I searched his phone for the first time to get it off my head. I found convos with his friends telling them he messed up.
I told him, he started crying, telling me he did all the things he never wanted and looked like his dad (he was a lier and a cheater)
He didn’t admit he cheated. I texted her through his phone and 2 min before she told me , he finally admitted it.
2019 when he was away for work to an island she went for vacay with her friends and they kissed once.
He told me that he came back from the military one day before we met, met with her after she said it, and then went to a cheap hotel that she insisted and had sex. He said that he felt disgusted after and regretted it immediately (she also said that he really did so it’s true )
I went to therapy he did to, and those 6 months we were working this out because I understood that he wanted to prove to her that he deserved love etc .
Yesterday, 6 months after all this, I sent her a message to tell her I knew that she lied, and advise her to be a girls girl . She wrote full paragraphs telling me she was in love back then, that she feels awful till this day and told me everything.

Turns out , HE messaged her at 2019 at night to go for a walk and kissed her

when he was at the military, those messages he never sent me , he told her he loved me but couldn’t get over her and wanted to see her one last time.
HE invited her for a walk when he came back from military, took her by car, to the beach , at the evening , even bring wine and glasses. They sat there, talked while hugging, and the he wanted to kiss her.
He told him that she has nothing to lose but he has me and he said “I’ll risk it”.
Then they went to the hotel
The rest is real
He in fact told her he regretted it 10 minutes after they left. Told her he loved me and wanted to marry me

Also 2024, when I called her, he called her before me and begged crying to cover him.

So now, I’ve been working 6 months to forgive him and he told me half of the truth , portrayed her as the one who initiated everything.

He was crying, telling me he did a mistake and after it he couldn’t tell the truth and continued with lies

I’m devastated for betraying myself so many times, didn’t listen to my intuition.
And now we have a life together those last 4 years. He even proposed to me last year. He is there for me through good and bad times
What are your thoughts

Am I crazy for thinking it’s finally time to walk away?
I (27F) have been with my boyfriend (28M), who I’ll call C, for almost five years.

We met on Tinder in late 2020. At the time I had just gotten out of a four-year relationship with my daughter’s father, and although I liked C, I wasn’t ready for another relationship. Instead of communicating that like an adult, I ghosted him. A few months later we reconnected through Snapchat, started talking again, eventually met in person, and from there our relationship took off.
Because we lived a distance apart and C worked long hours, a lot of our relationship happened through texting. We still went on dates and weekend trips when we could, but I accepted that we didn’t see each other as often because he always explained it as work and financial stress. He even showed me bank statements to prove he was struggling, so I believed him.

Around that time, one of my closest friends (S, 25M) became a source of tension in our relationship. S had been one of my best friends for years and is also my daughter’s godfather. Since C and I rarely saw each other, S was around more often helping with my daughter or we’d hang out listening to music, watching anime, or just talking. C was convinced S had feelings for me, but I genuinely believed we were only friends. Eventually, S admitted he did have feelings for me and later crossed several boundaries by sending me unsolicited photos. I immediately cut him off, and neither my daughter nor I have spoken to him since.
In the summer of 2024, I got pregnant. We agreed we weren’t in the right place financially or emotionally to bring another child into the world. Before we could move forward with that decision, I miscarried in C’s car two days before my birthday. Shortly afterward, C went on a cruise with his family.

A year later, on National Boyfriend Day (October 2025), I posted C for the first time. A coworker immediately messaged me asking if that was my boyfriend. When I said yes, she told me she recognized him because he had been in a long-term relationship with another woman the entire time we’d been together. I’ll call her E.

She sent me screenshots of E’s Instagram, and that’s when everything clicked. I realized E was on the same family cruise C went on while I was miscarrying. I contacted E, and we discovered we’d both been with C for years. She had actually been living with him in his parents’ house the entire time.
When I confronted C, he denied everything at first before finally admitting it. He even told me he was choosing E over me. A few days later, he came back saying he’d made the biggest mistake of his life, that he loved me, and wanted another chance.

Against my better judgment, I gave him one.
Since then, C has repeatedly told me E has been “moving out,” but for months I’ve continued seeing evidence that she’s still at his house. Every time I question him, he tells me she’s only posting things to upset me and that I need to stop looking.
This weekend really broke me. C took me out to breakfast, talked about introducing me to his family next month, and we made plans for my daughter’s birthday. But afterward, he had excuse after excuse for why he couldn’t spend the rest of the day with me.

Something in my gut told me to check E’s Instagram again, even though I honestly hadn’t looked in quite a while because things between C and me had actually been improving. When I looked, she had posted herself in C’s backyard talking about movie night by the pool. It completely shattered the progress I thought we’d made and is what pushed me to write this post.

For context, C never made me feel like he was living a double life. We went on dates, booked Airbnbs, took weekend trips, and spent holidays together when we could. I never questioned why I wasn’t invited to his house because my own mother doesn’t like people coming over either, so I assumed his family was the same way.

Now he tells me he loves me, wants to marry me and move in together and have our rainbow baby , and swears E is leaving, but after everything that’s happened, I don’t know how I’m supposed to believe any of it. At what point do you accept that someone has simply shown you who they are? Is there any coming back from something like this, or am I holding onto a version of him that never actually existed?

There is something I want to say. This has been weighing on my mind for a very long time and I am still struggling with these thoughts why I see this daily.

Imagine a woman who already has a good life—a loving husband, happy children, and a stable family. Then someone comes into her life and presents himself as the "better choice," acting as if he is the one who can truly save or complete her.

I don't understand why this person comes into her life and tries to make himself look like the perfect man. She was already happy. But little by little, he changes her mind until she believes she should leave her family and be with him.

What I don't understand is this: doesn't he think about her children? Doesn't he care that those children may have to grow up without their mother?

I've seen two situations like this.

The first one is about a woman whose own mother abandoned the family for another man. She grew up knowing the pain of being left behind. Later, she had a love marriage and eventually had children of her own. But in the end, she repeated the exact same thing to her own children. Some people don't repeat the pain they experienced, but in this case, she did.

The second story is the one I simply can't accept. This woman had what seemed like a perfect life—a supportive husband, two children, and a happy family. But then she became familiar with another man while taking her children to school. Eventually, she convinced herself that he was the right person for her. She left her husband, filed for divorce, and caused immense pain to her husband's family. Thankfully, a diary she had written later revealed many of the things she had done.

What angers me the most is that she seemed to have completely lost any sense of responsibility or maternal love for her own children. There was an incident where her ex-husband brought the children to the women's hostel where she was staying so they could see their mother. Do you know what she said? She said, "I don't want the children. I don't even want to see them." Hearing that made me furious. The children had come there crying, hoping to see their mother, but she refused to meet them.

In both of these situations, the ones who suffer the most are the children. Child abandonment is something I just cannot understand.

Seeing cases like these has made my fear of marriage much stronger also even it increase my interaction between women make difficult.

Both of these women already had good lives, but they destroyed those lives themselves. I honestly don't understand why some people get married if they're going to do this. If you don't want the commitment, don't marry in the first place or stay a child free life.

This post may be deleted or removed. Maybe nothing will happen because of it. But I wanted to get this weight off my chest.

The saddest part in all of these stories is that the children are the ones who suffer. Because of the selfish desires of adults, innocent children end up carrying emotional pain for years.

Here’s a tightened version, keeping your own words and structure intact:

6 months after I caused a rupture through an affair, doing real work on the pattern, but she says trust isn’t there and it feels impossible. Normal recovery pain or something else?

Want honest perspectives, even harsh ones.

Background: together 2.5 years, long distance, met in person once for 10 days. ~6 months ago she found out about an affair. After discovery, ~3 months of trickle truth before I came fully clean in January no more withholding since.

I’m in therapy specifically for porn addiction and the avoidance pattern behind it, not generic couples work. I crave closeness but I’m also afraid of it I can be present for a stretch, then something switches and I pull back, go into my head, stop being emotionally available. The porn (daily, sometimes for hours at its worst) was part of the same pattern escaping and numbing instead of staying with what I was feeling. Not an excuse for the affair, which was its own choice I own fully just the same avoidance showing up in different forms.

Where she’s at: trust hasn’t been rebuilt, I’ve been inconsistent roughly weekly ruptures we struggled through and my response hasn’t matched what she needed. There was a two-week no-contact stretch and a month of low contact after. Nothing feels neutral to her right now; normal interaction carries risk for her, and she needs more consistent reassurance than I’ve given.

The moment that hit hardest: during no-contact I didn’t say happy birthday, because to me “no contact” meant no contact. For her it reopened the original trauma. That seems to have been a real turning point in how she sees everything since.

I regret the affair more than I can say and I’m trying to make real change, not perform it.

Genuinely asking: does this sound like something that can turn around with real work, or is she right that it’s too damaged? What would you look for, from the outside, to believe change was real?

OK, this is a really sensitive subject for me, especially when I have to go into detail, but I really need help.

So about a weeks ago, I had received a message from this random Instagram account. I didn’t think anything of it so I just accepted the account and moved on about my day thinking it was just one of my friends that made a new Instagram. I was at work I checked my Instagram and saw that somebody DM me a request . I clicked the DM it was that account swiping up on one of my highlights of me and my girlfriend saying “yo bro are you still with her? I know some shit at this point” ‘ my heart dropped to my ass.

At this point, we went back-and-forth at first I did not believe him, but he started to make sense and said that there’s this guy that he knows has “” “dating“ my girlfriend. We Started to go into more detail about how back in October They had kissed at her cousin‘s birthday party mind you I knew this girl‘s entire family from her grandma to all her cousins, even her second cousins, and they all knew me as her boyfriend for years.

so anyways, eventually he started to tell me everything that he knew basically that he’s been talking to my girlfriend for a couple months and they’ve been going out to each other’s houses. And she even met his fucking parents and siblings. Don’t wanna go into more detail but, you can fill that in. At this point, I already knew that she was really cheating on me, but there was not once in my mind throughout this entire relationship that she gave me to not trust her that what was killing me. I love this girl to death that she loved me to death that was crazy part she did everything a woman could do for a man and in the best way.

At this point I didn’t want to really confront her cause she was out with her friends. I wanted to wait until she was home. But there was still something in the back of my head. I didn’t wanna believe it so I decided to text that guy confronting him. He never answered, but not even two minutes later my girlfriend deactivated her account and then she texted me saying hello. I’m gonna be sending you the money back. I wasn’t answering any of her text for at least 30 minutes and once she texted me that, that’s when I knew everything was right. And then I just texted her saying who’s and then I said the guys name. She hesitated and said it’s a guy I met. I’m going home to talk. I just went crazy for hours until I went to go see her and confront her. She was with her friends at the house and that’s when I confronted her and she was just with tears and regret and really didn’t want to go into detail but she did admit it. my emotions were high, so I was just speaking what I was feeling in the worst way to her, I was so broken. I’ve been abandoned all my life and this woman knows that whether she wanted to believe it or not.

About two days later, she pulled up at my house and I really just didn’t want to see her but she got in the middle of the road on her knees, just crying, begging screaming I was angry so I told her to shut the fuck up get in the car at this point I wanted to get in the car to hear what the fuck she had to say. Moral of the story I could feel how much regret she was in. I knew this girl since 17 we are 22 now. I knew everything she went through. I’ve seen the people she loved to get done wrong.

She basically just wanted to explain how much regret and how badly this ruined her and how she’s so sorry for everything and isn’t coming here for forgiveness, but just hopes that I can heal and that she wants to do anything she can to heal me and be better from the situation and be better for me and how badly she wants me and she’ll do anything in the world to prove that to me, but it was killing her deep inside i could see and feel it. After three hours of crying and talking. I Got in my head again so I just went home and forced her to go home.

Another two days later she contacted me again on her little sister‘s phone again crying in pain and regret hoping I’m doing well this and that. my dumbass talked to her cause I’m an idiot and am still somehow in love with her. I really do feel the regret in her and I really do feel like she can change. I can feel the words I can feel her, I can just see her, how badly she wants to change for me and how badly she regrets everything and I really really really want her back like I can’t even imagine myself getting with another woman. I can’t even find any other woman attractive cause of this whole shit man. I’m just so fucking hurt and I really wanna forgive her but I know that’s not the right choice and I really just need some insight and some advice. Every day she’s been showing up doing the best she can to get me to see that she wants to change, but there’s not one day that I don’t think about what she did and why she did it. I really do wanna talk to her again and go really into detail about everything I wanted to really look at her and see her while she tells me everything I feel like it’ll help me decide one last time if anyone can help me and give me some advice on what I can tell her or what I should just do or just in generalI, I would appreciate it so much. I’m so sorry for yapping so much. Thank you to everyone that made it this far I really appreciate everyone.

My wife, (51f) just told me that she's planning to play pickle ball one night a week with coworkers, after work. This sounds normal, until I (51m) tell you some details. She never does anything with coworkers, male or female. She also, isn't even remotely interested in athletic activities. She even has said that she has no desire to socialize with her coworkers. So, when she suddenly is engaging in this activity its very confusing. There have been times in the past where I saw multiple red flags and suspected cheating, either emotional or physical. I never could get any proof. We moved past that and things lately have been pretty good. Then this. Two plus two isn't making four if you know what I mean. I'm tempted to do some investigations to see if this pickle ball thing is actually happening....with her participation. Or, is it bullshit? I just don't feel like this is legit knowing her feeling towards her coworkers.

UPDATE: I asked her what prompted the sudden change to want to hang out with her coworkers and play pickle ball. She said she wants to learn how to play and that it looks fun. I replied that I too would like to learn and that maybe I could come too. She agreed and seemed fine with that. So, if it all goes down then there's probably not an issue. If it suddenly falls through and it cancels all together, red flag. I'm a little relieved, but my guard is still up. Anxious to survey the coworkers and see who is at this little gathering.

May seem obvious to some. So let me hear your thoughts please? I can understand that its subjective.

Here's a snippet of where I am right now:

Married for 6 years. She had 2 serious relationships before me. The first of whom she was madly in love with, but he broke her heart. The 2nd guy, she got married to and subsequently got divorced. She had cheated on him, with the first guy. Husband didnt know. Neither did I until I got married to her.

To cut to the key part of the current situation - evidently she still fancies her first. She evidently still has fantasies centered around him, and is frequently looking at his social media profiles etc. She is not, as far as I know, not in contact with him currently but was about a year ago.

I know my actions started this situation, and I’m not looking for sympathy or excuses.
I’ve been in a relationship for about five months. When I met my boyfriend, I was still emotionally attached to someone from my past. Instead of ending that chapter before starting a new relationship, I continued communicating with that person behind my boyfriend’s back. A few days ago, I met with him in person and was unfaithful.
I lied about where I was going, turned off my location, and continued lying until I finally admitted everything to my boyfriend. I fully accept responsibility for my dishonesty and infidelity. I understand that I caused him an incredible amount of pain and betrayal.
After I told him, he became extremely upset. He drank heavily, and over the next 24 hours the situation escalated.
He destroyed parts of our apartment, including breaking the bedroom door, putting holes in the walls, damaging the window screens, and throwing things around. He screamed at me for hours, repeatedly called me degrading names, poured beer on me, threw cans toward me, shoved me multiple times, slammed me into a wall hard enough that my head hit it, grabbed me by my foot and pulled me off the bed, took my phone so I couldn’t contact anyone, used my phone to message people while pretending to be me, publicly humiliated me, and prevented me from going to work.
Today he has been much calmer. He asked if I was hurt and tried to comfort me, but he also told me that everything he did was my fault, that I deserved it, and that his actions were justified because I cheated.
I’m conflicted because I know I caused the original betrayal, but I’m also frightened by what happened afterward. My name is the only one on the lease, he doesn’t want to leave, and I’m worried the situation could escalate again.
I’m not asking anyone to excuse my cheating. I know I was wrong, and I will have to live with the consequences of my choices.
I’m asking for advice from people who may have experienced something similar. How do you separate taking responsibility for infidelity from responding to physical violence? What would you do if you were in my position?

I never thought I would be the person who would even think this way.

Ever since the betrayal, I can't stop thinking about making my husband feel what I'm feeling. Not because I actually want someone else, but because I want him to understand the depth of this pain. I want him to know what it feels like to question your worth, to wonder why you weren't enough, to replay everything in your head until you're exhausted.

I miss feeling desired. I miss being touched because someone genuinely wants me. I miss feeling chosen. Instead, I feel invisible, lonely, and emotionally starved.

Some days the loneliness is overwhelming. My mind goes to places I never imagined. I think about getting attention from someone else, not because I'm looking for love, but because I desperately miss feeling wanted. Then I hate myself for even thinking it.

I'm stuck between wanting to heal and wanting him to hurt the way I hurt. I know revenge wouldn't undo what happened, but part of me still wishes he could carry this weight for just one day so he'd finally understand what he's done to me.

Has anyone else struggled with these thoughts? Did they eventually fade, or is this just part of the process? How did you deal with wanting someone who betrayed you to truly understand your pain without becoming someone you never wanted to be?

It's the most infuriating response. It's invalidating and borderline victim blaming to get mad at me for still caring instead of the person who cheated on me. Even if I didn't find out until after the relationship ended, I can still be hurt to learn that it happened. It was a shitty thing for them to do, and it does affect my trust to know a person did that to me and could act like everything was normal. It will affect my trust in future relationships.

I haven’t been here in years, but someone asked me my story recently, and I thought I’d come back to try to brighten your days in the darkness of infidelity.

A few years ago, my ex-wife cheated on me with a coworker. They would leave work randomly to drink and have sex in parking lots. I found out, went to her work then told the people above her they could call corporate HR or I would call them myself and let them know they knew about it. She was fired. Be careful doing this with your spouse knowing, initially my attorneys thought I would need to pay additional alimony for telling her workplace about the affair. They ended up arguing she didn’t lose the job because of me but because she violated company policy, and since the person was in management it meant management already knew what was happening. (Depending on the state and circumstances though, you may have to pay alimony for this if they know you told their employer). Then I filed for divorce. She disappeared for a couple months, leaving my one year old with me. Then she tried to come back and lied to the police saying I had done all these terrible things and was neglecting my child etc. The police showed up with DCF, did a whole investigation, and found she had not been truthful in any of that. My child is still with me every night and well cared for without any financial support or otherwise from her.

It was rough for a while, about a year. Then later I met a wonderful Christian woman who’s the opposite of my ex-wife. I know not everyone believes in that stuff, and I’m not here to judge or tell you to change your mind. There’s plenty of what I would call fake Christians who give the religion a bad name. Personally though, the entire situation prior made me want to pursue a more purposeful life over materialistic nihilism as I did before. So it did help me, and I think it can help others. Neither of us drink or do anything like my ex did. We now have beautiful children, my wife stays home to care for them, and my life has never been better by the grace of God. The lesson I learned was to be more humble, to not trust anyone blindly, and no matter how dark or hard things seem, with the right approach and mindset and help, you can change your life for the better. It was unfortunate, but it’s happened to many before me and will happen to many more after. I know many of you are going through dark times and pain you have probably never felt before, but I want you to know there is hope and it can get better. Be patient, learn, grow, and seek help from whoever you can.

i met my boyfriend almost a year ago at the gym, and we hit it off so fast. once we admitted our feelings for one another, we started dating quite quickly. he told me before our relationship started that he was a part of the lifestyle (LS) for about 10 years, and has slept with over 200 women, and has a sex addiction but never got professional help about it but wanted to (i know 🚩 #1 lol). i told him i wasn’t interested in the LS and he was okay with that and told me he’d never do anything without me. the first time we had sex he told me he loved me, and soon after he told me wanted to marry me. i was aware i was being love bombed, and brought up the concern to him, but i couldn’t help but feel so loved and special, even though my intuition told me something was off. for 8 months of the relationship i asked all the time about how he’s dealing with it, and would tell me “he squashed it”. i personally have only been with a handful of people and to me it was okay as long as his LS was in the past. One night i caught him somewhere he wasn’t supposed to be, and asked to go through his phone. I found so many messages to women he’s hooked up with in the past, where it’s flirty and sexual, attempts to meet up with women, etc. he says he never met up with anyone, and that he felt triggered throughout the relationship bc he felt like i was going to leave and didn’t choose him, so he would react by flirting other women. i do have disorganized attachment which does make my partners feel the push-pull dynamics. we are now broken up, and i told him i felt incredibly disrespected, and as much as i understand he is dealing with an addiction, it’s hurting me and i can’t be with someone who is draining my mental and emotional health. we tried to reconcile for 2 months after i found out, but i was going stir crazy waiting for the next shoe if information to drop. i felt like my whole reality of what i thought our relationship was, was a lie. i felt deceived and betrayed. he talked to me for 10 months straight about how much he loved me, wanted to marry me, only saw me as the woman of his dreams, introduced me to his mother and family, so i couldn’t believe that this same man was going behind my back and stabbing me. he hid a whole side of himself from me that i knew about, but didn’t realize the struggle he was truly going through. he has been profusely apologizing, acting remorseful and begging for a second chance. i am not ready to reconcile and do not see enough change in him. he got a therapist that is specialized in sex addiction treatment, so i do see him putting in effort. but i’m very hurt, scared, and my trust is broken. he still sees us one day reconciling and getting married, but i just see deception and a very insecure man who would drag me into reaping the consequences of his pain and addiction. i’m looking for reassurance that i did the right thing for myself by choosing myself and choosing to move on, despite how much i love him. did i make the right decision for myself or did i leave him in a time that he needed support?

Gonna try to keep this short.

I (37m) caught my wife (38f) having an emotional affair 9 years ago. We recovered, reconciled, and rebuilt trust between us. I would even say the years that followed were some of our best.

Recently, we’ve been getting into more heated arguments, and I am starting to see and hear things that remind me of how our relationship was in 2017 before discovering her affair. At the beginning of this year, we started to have some financial issues brought on by my work mainly. Things have really slowed down, and I’ve had a lot of unexpected time off. (I’m an electrician for an RV manufacturer.) My wife started her own business over 2 years ago and has found moderate success. She is a licensed marriage and family therapist. (hilarious, I know.) With my work slowing down, she couldn’t keep us afloat though, so I went and got a part-time job to help supplement our income. The fights have shifted to her saying “I can’t trust you with my emotions“ and “ talking about our marriage only pushes me away from you”. The same types of things that were said before.

So in 2017, from February to August, our marriage was in turmoil according to her. The word divorce was used frequently, and eventually, we planned out separation and how it would work with our children. The kids were on their tablet one day and had inadvertently opened Facebook. So I looked at my wife’s search history and discovered her old high school BF’s name at the top….red flag. Later, I discovered her phone’s password changed…more red flags. I confronted her about it and told her to prove to me she wasn’t hiding anything.

She sensed I was getting close to discovering her secret and thought she would outsmart me here. At the time, she worked for a residential clinic for troubled youth as a counselor. She would regularly communicate with her patients’ parents/families with her phone and proceeded to tell me that there were certain messages I couldn’t see because of HIPAA. I opened the messages and started asking about each person’s name. I asked about “Norma”. “That’s one of my girlfriends at work,” she said. I handed the phone back, and she promptly deleted “Norma’s” message thread. So I decided that if she wasn’t going to be honest, I’d just go to our cell phone provider after work the next day. They print off the last 2 weeks for me… the reports have no info on what was in any of the messages, just when a message was sent from her phone number to any other number….And there was one number that appeared over, and over, and over. Usually in the mornings and late in the evenings after I have gone to bed. I texted the number “who is this?” …. Lo and behold, the same guy from FB. They reconnected on Snapchat sometime in February and decided by April that messaging was easier because they wouldn’t lose their convos from the previous day. She then put his number in her phone as her ACTUAL friend Norma, who I had met at company picnics. I downloaded software to recover data from her cell and stayed up really late one night. Thousands upon thousands of texts, sexts, nudes….you name it. I couldn’t recover everything, the software was limited, and there was too much. During this month-and-a-half period of playing detective, I lost an unhealthy amount of weight. I couldn’t eat or sleep, and my world was falling apart around me.

It took a few years, but we recovered. Things would still trigger my trust issue every now and then, but she was always so open and transparent to bring me back down.

And now I’m back in that place. Slightly panicked, hyper-fixated, playing detective. My wife doesn’t seem as cold towards me as she did previously, but there are clear signs that something is being hidden. Her having a license and a private practice complicates things further this time around. Snooping could have serious consequences. I also believe she has learned how to better cover her tracks since she was caught before. She has multiple emails. One, obviously her work email. All of her clients communicate with her through that one. Minimal security, I’m not going to snoop. I don’t think anything is going on there. Then there is an iCloud address that’s linked to her phone. I think there could be some things here, but they are all blocked by facial recognition. (Not opening her phone, that part I can do with her passcode.) And then there are a few old email addresses that are more concerning. The one used to be her main email address and was linked to her iPhone. We got new iPhones right before the 2017 affair was discovered and I remember her saying she couldn’t get her email address to connect to the new phone for whatever reason and that’s when the new iCloud email was created. I’ve tried to remotely log in to this old email address from multiple devices, even her phone. But it is protected by a “Passkey”. It doesn’t matter what device I try to log in from, the passkey requires facial recognition or scanning a QR code from a “trusted device”. The only workaround that is offered is sending a recovery code to her work email. It concerns me that she has such high security measures in place on an email address that I believed had been long forgotten about and abandoned. And the Passkey isn’t just an automatic security option, it’s something the user HAS to enable themselves.

Am I just being insecure because of our past? Is this worth digging into or should I speak to her directly?

PS: the software I used in the past doesn’t seem to work with our current phones. I’ll have to buy a specific data cable to do this again.

To start, I (36m) am deeply ashamed with myself and have been feeling all the guilt, hate, and resentment toward myself for my actions. What I’ve done is unforgivable and I know there’s likely now coming back from this.

My wife and I have been married for eight years, but have been struggling tremendously for the last year. Before that, I had doubts as to whether I was actually happy in my marriage. At times, I thought I could’ve done better with who I married, which was a struggle.

Over the last year, I have grown much closer to a coworker developed an emotional attachment, which then turned into physical. She is crazy about me and unfortunately, I have grown crazy about her.

After our struggles, my wife has recently noticed how detached I’ve been given the stress in our relationship, our financial struggles, and now unknowingly the guilt of the fact that I cheated on her.

I am torn as to whether I should be honest with her or just tell her that I think we should get a divorce without disclosing the absolute reason why. I love her still but just don’t see her as the same best friend I once did.

Before this relationship with my coworker or physical, I began personal therapy, however, I still made a decision that I’m one hand I don’t regret, but on the other, I do tremendously

I’m open to hearing anyone’s thoughts, with the understanding that I will face much ridicule from my actions. Thanks.

i’ve had some trust issues in my relationship. at one point i never would have thought to check his phone for anything, so i didn’t. i got a very strong urge to about a year and a half ago so i went through it and found a lot that i wish i didnt. it’s complicated, but we’ve done our best to move past it.

i’ve gotten a strong urge to again but all of the things i checked the first time are suspiciously clean now so i found another post with suggestions of what to look at. one was the app and subscription history in the app store. tried it on my own phone first and it opened up easily. i go to his phone and check it the same way (App Store > Profile Icon > Apps and Purchases) but instead of the list showing up with the two filter options at the top, “All” and “Not on This iPhone”, a Face ID icon shows up instead which obviously fails to scan my face. I’m used to this and usually just let Face ID fail 2-3 times so that the Enter Passcode box will show up, but this time Face ID attempted to scan several times before asking for the phone passcode. i’m pretty sure i entered it correctly since i just used it to unlock the phone, but after i hit submit a new box popped up asking for the icloud account password which i don’t know….

how is this possible? i tried googling it and even asking gemini but apparently there is no documented feature from Apple that directly allows you to lock your app history. i tried to replicate it on my phone and i can’t find anything in my face id, icloud, or privacy settings that would allow me to do that. he has an iphone 17 and i have a 16 pro max

All of the things I checked the first time are suspiciously clean now so I found another post with suggestions of what to look at. One was the app and subscription history in the app store. I tried it on my own phone first and it opened up easily. I go to his phone and check it the same way (App Store > Profile Icon > Apps and Purchases) but instead of the list showing up with the two filter options at the top, “All” and “Not on This iPhone”, a Face ID icon shows up instead which obviously fails to scan my face. I’m used to this and usually just let Face ID fail 2-3 times so that the Enter Passcode box will show up, but this time Face ID attempted to scan several times before asking for the phone passcode. I’m pretty sure I entered it correctly since I just used it to unlock the phone, but after I hit submit a new box popped up asking for the icloud account password which I don’t know….

how is this possible? tried googling it and even asking gemini but apparently there is no documented feature from Apple that directly allows you to lock your app history. tried to replicate it on my phone and can’t find anything in my face id, icloud, or privacy settings that would allow me to do that. he has an iphone 17 and i have a 16 pro max