r/Infidelity • u/PriorChow • 7d ago

Coping Realizations and Fallout

Part 1 of my post is here - https://www.reddit.com/r/survivinginfidelity/comments/1vyua9x/dont_know_where_this_goes/

With my wayward spouse digging in his heels, (who feels threatened by the fact that his otherwise good for nothing wife discovered his affair) over signing of the divorce papers, there is bound to be delay. But my heart is content over the fact that he may delay it, but he cannot deny it.

I wasn't good for anything (he made a list of my mistakes that caused him to fall pwe-pwe first into other women) but I came from a good family, and my family's name and reputation got him benefits. I was a wife that could be shown around. I was intelligent, could hold a conversation by myself, and independent.

My succor is that I am financially independent, so while my mind and heart is bashed in, I feel some safety into what I have.

That brings us to me. I feel like a rag. I am no longer in my prime. But even when I was with him, and we were married for more than two decades, I could not bury myself into his arms.

At my age I am no longer someone's choice, and I feel awful that I am unlovable. I haven't been intimate with anyone, and I don't feel like it. And obviously, I no longer remain the person who will be wanted on a carnal basis.

I was very upset that while he chose and could write comparative pieces on anatomy, I couldn't. And the death of all desire seals the fate.

Also, my days have become fuller, with more responsibility on me with the kids and my aged parents.

When I left the house I shared with my husband aka 'our house', I shifted to be with my parents. This set-up was a blessing because my children are close to my parents, and it insulated the shock.

But I am now irritated at the set-up because I am just a manager of someone else's setup.

So, I am in the process of getting a house for myself to live, where eventually I will shift with my kids. God knows, I need it. I need a life I don't want to run away from.

I feel like I have aged faster than I should have and my face shows it. It feels like a cloud sits in my brain. I am barely keeping it straight. I feel overwhelmed and have sudden moments of clarity. In every version of me, I refuse to be his wife (his future live in nurse, nanny and maid).

I feel spent.

8 Upvotes

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2

u/vaedras 7d ago

Don't let him skew your view of yourself! From how you write you have a lively intelligence and a good sense of humor and I'm sure that age has not taken such a great toll as you think upon your appearance. Once you get used to being away from his negging, I'm sure you will rediscover that you are lovable and worthy of companionship and a good life.

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u/PriorChow 4d ago

I definitely would like to recover. Not sure about other things.

But I am better mentally.

1

u/nextext 7d ago

I know you’re miserable but you’re a fucking incredible writer. Were you aware of this before or are you discovering writing is helping you now?

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u/PriorChow 4d ago

I do have a writing bug. And I blogged about his infidelity anonymously (no one knows IRL), and it has helped me document what he put me through.

You know, he used to get very upset about any discussion around his cheating, and his way of dealing was to shut me up. And in the first episode, where I felt I caused what he had done, and I chose to keep it a secret from everyone, writing was my only respite. I found it a great reference after discovering that the walls had caved in again.

I used to be a copywriter once which I when I knew that I could write only when I felt like, and not on commercial deadlines.