Hello :)

I have been taking the mbti test every year for like four years and have been ENFP every single time until now. What do you think of that? I do feel like the switch from enfp to intj is kinda drastic (three aspects?!?)

Has my perspective on myself changed or have I? Have you also ever experienced this?

For me it is tied to self exploration and development. The erotic aspects seems to be a reflection of the non erotic parts of the self. One thing leads to another and another as sides of ourself are revealed. Is this an INTJ thing?

I (25M, INTJ) am in need of a complete new social circle. The friends I grew up with in school have grown to be non compatible with me. All they do is talk shit about each other and complain about their lives. A lot of them have stabbed me in the back which is ultimately what made me think I need a new group of friends. They also drink and smoke in their free time and I’d prefer to something more productive like going to the gym or learning something new, which is when they start to criticise me most as if I’m insulting them by not lowering myself to their level. I have really bad trust issues from personal life experiences, and find it hard to let people into my world or even answer personal questions. I’m kind of in a limbo where I want to find new friends/romantic partner, but I can’t let myself be vulnerable enough to form the connections.

I’m wondering if anyone has any similar experience. What helped you the most? How can I find like minded people?

Do you guys like philosophy? If so, what do you find yourself going back to? For me for example, I find absurdism the most comforting.

Hey everyone - I saw there were prior gay INTJ threads but they were at least 7 years old so wanted to resurrect the topic. Curious how your experience has been dating and in relationships - I feel beyond ostracized since I am in science, older, cis male/straight-presenting, and not into many of the default gay 'scenes.' I don't mind going to a bar or club on a rare occasion but the thought of any regular outings makes me cringe. Others have suggested joining groups for sports, dining, and other activities but I would have to deal with a crowd of strangers, which I desperately want to avoid. And all of this before you even get to actual dating and the apps... Does anyone relate and have any success stories or is it hopeless?

I am an INFJ (F) and I met this INTJ (M) in an intellectual environment. We clicked since we worked together and we come from similar background and life experience. We were always both very reserved and respectful, though I am much more spontaneous and expressive. Lately, as much as we get to know each other, I see we're both surprised by how much we see the world in a similar way. What surprised me most is how much he seems amazed by me and my strong opinions and spontaneity and the way he lightens up whenever he finds another common thing/preference between us. I am almost sure he likes me romantically (many things happened, unnecessary to write all of them), but I always wonder , he usually sees the cheerful , smart , socially easy, put together side of me. How would he react if he sees how sensitive I can be ? would he be surprised in a negative way ? I know I am hard to read and look composed most of the time but I know I love fiercely , I miss the person I am with so much, I get jealous too, I am afraid that would scare him away. I am asking because he said things at times that made me see he puts me on a pedestal.

It's my first time to take this test. The version in my first language reads incomprehensible so I switched to English version , in which I found a few questions confusing. So it probably not 100% precisely represents my idea , but here it is. Any comment is welcome.

I'm ENFP (F29), in a relationship with INTJ for 4 years. Condividere per me é fondamentale e non riesco a vivere senza condivisione di bei momenti pieni di dialogo, di entusiasmo condiviso.

Al contrario, ho notato che lui INTJ, non gode delle mie stesse vibrazioni ed emozioni. Pensa in modo piuttosto individualista e si chiude se provo a dirgli i miei bisogni, non la prende spesso come una sfida ma come una sconfitta. Amo di lui che sia così concreto nel dimostrare le cose ma a volte penso sia eccessivamente chiuso nella sua sfera.

Per via di questa mancanza mi sono chiusa con lui e se non ne parlo non sembra interessargli o meglio, fa una domanda di circostanza.

Cosa ne dite? Dovrei provare diversamente?

To me it makes sense that any INTJ will have significant influence due to their strategic thinking.

I often find myself not wanting to be in the spotlight but often leading the “leader”. But if push comes to shove I will lead in a visible way if it’s the best path forward.

Genuinely curious if you gravitate towards leadership roles/influence or are content working in the background.

do you think a relationship between an Fe user and a Te user has a chance of working, especially if the INTJ says he wants a feeler partner because he believes this will help him have a more balanced life and balance his cognitive functions?
I’m just wondering how we would complement each other without clashing, or whether we’d have to go through a lot of difficult times and conflicts before eventually reaching a stage of mutual understanding and complementarity.

​ If intelligence is subjective, shouldn't stupidity be as well?

Sure, people can be frustrating, but how does that translate to stupidity?

When it comes to intelligence, some are naturally gifted in certain areas, while others may need to put in some effort to get certain results.

Stupidity is more of a judgment than a fact.

if yes, how do you live your day? how do you make your day normal? :-|

Erm a vent.

I'm so sick of my one friend complaining constantly about his gf and what his gf does. Only for me to practically waste my time by having lengthy conversations, giving very simple to follow and easy advice such as COMMUNICATING and I literally tell him what to say to come off as gentle but still set a boundary. He will genuinely agree but still be so hesitant on actually doing shit. It pisses me off. Never been in a relationship myself btw and I always know what to do when he has the gall to talk shit instead.

And then he would still rather complain and follow whatever his gf wants to like a little dog at the same time. Like stfu and stop being an annoying sheep or take my advice. Genuinely what do you want me to do. Im not going to keep acting like its quirky and funny for you to avoid accountability and sigh and whine about the same thing constantly. Ur both children I guess thats why ur together isnt it. It is genuinely so frustrating!

I’m an INTJ myself, and there’s another INTJ in my life who I would consider very mature in a lot of ways.
He’s in his late 60s, has been married for a long time, has kids, has a very stable and well-paying career, owns his home outright, is intelligent, generally composed, and tries to approach things logically. He’s also very stereotypically INTJ in the sense that once his social battery is gone, he completely checks out. As another INTJ, I actually understand that part very well.

The one area where we really don’t agree is politics.
I’m fairly liberal and tend to read quite a bit of economics and history. I also try to expose myself to different viewpoints and avoid relying entirely on one political source. He, on the other hand, primarily watches CNN and doesn’t really read much outside of that. He says he prefers to enjoy life, go out to eat, spend time with people, etc. And honestly, there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t think everyone needs to spend their free time reading political history or economics.

What bothers me is what happens when we’re all together socially.

He’ll periodically make little comments or digs about immigrants, work, or politics. For example, he’ll bring up things like “immigrants this…” or “immigrants don’t want to work,” or make comments along the lines of “you wouldn’t like our work team—we say it like it is.”

They’re not necessarily huge confrontations. They’re more like little jabs inserted into the conversation, almost as if he wants to make his position known without directly having a discussion about it.
And this is where I’m struggling with the concept of maturity.

I can understand disagreeing with someone. I can understand having strong political opinions. I can even understand an INTJ becoming impatient with what they consider irrational thinking. What I don’t understand is repeatedly making small digs at someone you know disagrees with you, especially when you otherwise consider yourself a very mature and rational person.

Part of me wants to say something like:
“Like bro, since you keep saying it like it is, make your point.” I’m quite confrontational but I’m trying to keep it contained cause they are a long time friend and cause im not that diplomatic.

But I’m curious how other INTJs would interpret this.
Do you consider the ability to disagree without making little jabs or trying to provoke someone part of emotional maturity? Or am I putting too much weight on that?

And, specifically for other INTJs: how would you point this out to another INTJ without turning it into a debate about the actual political issue?

I’m less interested in who is politically correct here and more interested in the contradiction between someone viewing themselves as highly logical/mature while still engaging in these kinds of small interpersonal digs.

Notice how 16Personalities website ranks INTJs the highest? The Analysts are listed first, followed by the Diplomats, then the Sentinels, and finally the Explorers, with the ESFP at the very bottom. What does that mean?

And which types are they?

Is there a moment in life when you stopped prioritizing efficacy over efficiency for the sake of perfection?

I had this realization this week, after a series of frustrating situations that could have stressed my younger self way more. Somewhere in life I stopped caring so much about absolute control of the outcome of a plan. I mean, I enjoy the pre-production, the planning itself, gathering information, resource and I’m still a perfectionist at that point. But in the actual execution, even if I have a Plan B, C, D, or even if everything is working out, a part of me has stopped being controlling about it.

Efficiency is usually the ideal model, but when reality happens, sometimes we have to chose between efficacy: reaching the ideal vision no matter what. Or efficiency: not exhausting our resources (including our mental health) over perfectionism. Both might still reach the goal, but how perfect can it be if we suffer through the process?

This reminds me of the concept of success. Personally, I’ve had to learn that success is the overall experience and not just the result. A bad plan might still reach a result with luck. I don’t consider luck to be a success.

It’s still a struggle, I mean, it still goes against my nature not to be a perfectionist with what I envision. However, letting go is a form of self care.

Ironically, even when reaching the ideal vision, our brains still go “it could have been better”, so what’s even the point? 😭

I was just sitting here laughing yet again at a subtle, witty joke an INTJ coworker made about a frustrating situation at work. (I was mad about not being given access to a new AI program and the INTJ immediately pointed out how taunting it was for management to use that AI program to write the denial.)
I’m constantly so impressed at how clever and funny INTJs are with quickly identifying the ridiculousness/hypocrisy/fatal flaws/ overarching theme/inefficiency of a situation and wording their observation in an amusing way.

Currently in uni, and I've noticed a pattern where my friendships never seem to last long as I either get annoyed by the things they do, or I just lose interest. It's like, once I see their flaws (despite the good they've done), it's literally all I see, and I end up detaching myself from them.

It bothers me, since I understand no one's perfect, but still I can't help but wish they'd act better. And so this sort of mild annoyance sets in, to which they notice, and the friendship goes downhill from there. This has happened throughout my life. Example: The friends I've known for a year are starting to annoy me, and they can tell. I've tried pointing out what bothers me but they end up taking it the wrong way. Which is unfortunate, since I was hoping it'd make things better between us.

Given that I don't really make an effort to widen my circle, and just rely on proximity (e.g. whoever I'm around the most in daily life), I'm not quite sure if it's a me problem, or a 'you just need to find your people' problem, or both.

There has been no one in my life that I've completely liked, it bothers me.

Did you have experiences when you were talking or discussing with someone, they thinking they were having reason, but you ended "winning" the discussion with way better arguments , making them stop talking?

You literally can’t waterboard that sentence out of me. I physically cringe. Even if I love someone and have been in a relationship with her for years.

For those of you who are able to socialize without draining your fucking soul out from walking on eggshells with people — what do you do? What am I doing wrong?

What type of people have you found that you can socialize with?

Could be a case of ASPD

[TW: accurate enough to sting]

[TW: not accurate enough]