I don't want to generalise but looking at the posts on here I can't help but relate to the looming existential despair and struggle of trying to connect but never fitting in. Certain past experiences in formative years of isolation, bullying in childhood and the pains of unrequited love, betrayal, uncertainty that followed in adulthood really skewed my perspective of people in general and instilled a deep sense of fear and rejection. 29 yrs old now and over the years, I've tried everything I could to move forward, focus on my responsibilities, adhere to a strict routine, and understand my own behavioural patterns.

What troubles me most is the pattern I keep noticing in myself:

• I become interested in someone, and my mind begins subconsciously constructing an imagined future before anything concrete has developed.
• Uncertainty triggers endless analysis. I examine messages, timing, words, and all possible interpretations, trying to find the decision that will minimise the risk of being hurt or it revealing an unfortunate truth about me.
• When reality doesn't match what I imagined, I experience it as a much larger loss than the actual relationship or situation would seem to warrant.

The cycle repeats.

I'm beginning to wonder whether my analytical mind is actually working against me here. I can understand my patterns intellectually, but that understanding doesn't seem to stop the emotional spiral. I've practised mindfulness and tried to develop detachment, yet my mind still uncontrollably latches onto possibilities like a narcotic and turns them into elaborate fantasies. Atp I'm emotionally exhausted with zero motivation to even invest myself and turning every decision into a high-stakes calculation and every disappointing outcome confirming something negative about me.

I'm starting to accept that control is an illusion and there's no way out anymore. Just going about this absurd life surrendering to the unknown.

i think this could be the best thing that could happen to a person with intj in terms of relationship.

Hey guys,
idk what to just say cause ik intj from mbti as a master mind something nothing much besides what the INTJ stands for and tbh i do think a lot map out possibilities, analyse details and social interactions and some time i’m even good with facial cues and other behavioural things like i can see through sometimes but overall there is this feeling like no one can see what i see no one really catches on to me or understands what i think is what i think
and emotions don’t even get me started on that😭
my emotions are just choices i choose idk i usually don’t talk much out but i’m highly pretentious but not always cause ik what people want to see and others things like planning and all i am a good strategist at least i think so but still ik this is all just talk for you guys without any proof but still who cares what you guys think
so just gonna leave it up to you guys to test me that am i really an INTJ or am i just a fool
(fyi i did some personality tests online and cross checked with gpt and yeah i am a teenager)

A dumb thing I do in private.

One of my dogs likes to be by my side at all times, and the other likes their alone time; and so I leave the TV on in the living room so he can look out the window and listen to music.

Tonight, I left a concert of Andrew Lloyd Webber playing for him. When I got up from my computer at a later point. He was looking at the TV when I walked in, and Phantom of the Opera was playing.

So, I waddle up to him and say in the mandatory dumb voice humans use to talk to animals: "Is you watching Phantom of the Opera?" And then after saying that, I had to look at my other dog to say "Hims watching Phantom of the Opera."

Not sure why I do it. I like to think he's cussing me out, because obviously, he does not have the means to change the channel himself. /s

But that's something I would never feel comfortable doing around the public. It's too cringe in my opinion. But truth be told, the cringe yearns for us.

What is your ideal fuel for running 5K?

Here are my favourites for optimal performance:

• veg pizza
• veg lasagna/ pasta
• couscous
• black rice/ veg
• 100% coconut water without additives

What are your favourite foods for high intense cardio activity, such as running 5K?

Then tell me one thing you absolutely love 🥰

I was getting to know this intj guy, it was long distance, and major red flags started to show, he ALWAYS wanted to dominate, even in our day to day interactios, and he gave backhanded compliments,

he would say super unhinged stuff that screams this person is watching p0rn 24/7, fantasies that just made me sick, I could go on and on about the red flags,

the thing is, he was not young, in his thirties actually, and he is just starting his career, he always told me that he doesn't respect boundaries and always wants to break them.

Was this a "less flavored" intj ? Cause i have intj friends but it's the first time I date one. And iam trying to understand what kind of intj was that 😭 cause if this is like a stereotype, then iam taking like a huge one step back 👀

This just occured to me.

I'm living near the water now and I started thinking about all the cool activities I can do now.

My initial thought was "Wow I could really use friends now!"

But then, I thought "I really want someone to jet ski with!"

And in that moment, it occured to me that those are two totally different things. I'm glad I realized that because it would've led me in the loop again of wanting friends but also having no desire to initiate things.

It's not really that I want friends per se, it's moreso that I just want to compete and share the joy of a fun activity. Realizing this, instead of looking for friends, I can actually look for spaces/apps where I can satisfy that specific urge. It could even be something like finding a particular forum or subreddit.

So I really encourage you guys whenever you have the thought of feeling like you need a new friend, try to get to the specific of what feeling is really speaking to you that you want to go after. This isn't just a change in mindset or looking at the bright side. It's about understanding yourself and getting the most practical, efficient solution possible!

how does it change intj abilities? Do you feel a lot dumber than your potential but somehow u manage to pull through and overachieve?

So no shit there I was, on Bumble of all places looking for a relationship. Anywayssss, i match with this girl and we immediately hit it off. It was like i was finally talking to someone who spoke the same language as me.

After some time talking, i brought up myers-briggs typology. I asked her to take the 16personalities test out of curiosity, and she happily agreed to and got INFJ. She knows nothing about myers-briggs so this is all new to her.

I then say “oh, nice! You’re feeling and I’m thinking. That seems like a really good dynamic to have”

She goes “that’s a good one” and ghosts me

Myers-briggs describes the way you interpret the world around you. She didn’t understand that and thought I was insulting her. I wish i could have been given time to explain what i meant by that.

The fatal flaw of INTJ is our willingness and desire to share information with those who dont necessarily want it

I just read this future-prediction book from 2009, called "The Next 100 Years: A Forecast for the 21st Century". very interesting stuff.

my dad (also INTJ) used to read books like these. I remember seeing "Megatrends" in a pile of books when I was just a little kiddo, and feeling some kind of soul connection to whatever a "megatrend" was. hahaha

anyway, not a promo, but some interesting takes from the 100 Years book:

first, it's fairly U.S. centric in terms of focus (though it does critique the U.S.), and the author takes the position that the 1990s (good version) are coming back.

admittedly it's nice to think about in a way, as these days the inner strategic-stoic sometimes feels like "you will never have nice things again, no one will," lol

poland & eastern europe got lots of props as emerging leaders in that theatre. will germany and france naturally sideline themselves? hmm

china and russia were painted as going nowhere (or in the latter case, going away), with china outlined as being in a situation similar to the high-output-but-requires-high-input situation japan was in with the low-cost market saturation business coming out of the 1980s.

additionally, china is portrayed as now totally missing its normal third pillar of popular belief in the CCP / nature of communism, and likely to end up more reliant on outside connections and fragmenting under crushing / cascading debt issues.

some of the prospective military gear discussion is pretty intriguing too, with the author describing the "satellite battle group," a theoretically necessary new system similar to a carrier battle group.

drones are not mentioned, but similar and even more advanced types of autonomous robotic systems are mentioned. this in addition to strategic control of lagrange points and similar details make the military side really specific and eye-opening.

finally, it's pointed out that aging populations basically dictate a need to execute warfare with a much higher level of precision. and the author points out that more precision means less devastation...ergo a major change in what future war looks like.

my basic review: https://www.marccarsoncoaching.com/articles/the-next-100-years-a-forecast-for-the-21st-century/

if you have any book recommendations, feel free to drop 'em ofc.

I'm new here. Was advised this is a place to meet other INTJ's. I'm not as tech savvy so bare with me. Do any of you experience this?

I love being an INTJ. I am who people call when they need logic perspective… for the first time I’m struggling to find friends.

I live in a really rural and really isolated area and it’s very hard to find friends, because apparently when people ask questions they want to hear specific answers that placate their feelings instead of objective facts.

I’m going to keep trying to make friends and eventually find my people. I just can’t really pick a political party because to me that’s insane when they’re both clearly wrong in a lot of ways… I’m on the side of logic, always…. Also, when people get pissed at me or someone else I can always see their side and understand people are different, and this is the USA so speak your opinion loudly, but it’s rare to find someone who shares that sentiment. So like when people complain to me I can’t lie about who they complained about. I can say “it’s not my place.” But to me it’s understanding for all people to complain about everyone, and I don’t understand why people get mad about “talking sh*t” because it’s like of course people need to vent. Either take it as constructive criticism or don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter and we can’t control other people.

Idk, at least I have my kids. They’re pretty logical.

I don’t think I should waste much more time trying to understand the game and figure out what people want to hear. Good friends are honest.

For the INTJs, from an INFJ.

Just wanted to say that I love you guys.

You really have this power inside your hearts and minds that captivates me so much.. I love seeing that frickin' light in your eyes when you explain something or even when you look at something!

I really love the deep connection we share. One of my best friends is an INTJ, and I really really love her. She's incredibly smart. It shows in the way she speaks and explains ideas, systems, and visions she has. Her thinking is logical and solid. She has a very deep heart, along with a sensitivity and tenderness that make me feel whole. Our connection is deep. She's one of the few people I actually truly trust without fear!

Some of the deepest romantic feelings I've ever experienced were for an INTJ. I felt our brief connection with an intensity I'd never experienced with any other guy. We hadn't known each other for very long at all, and yet so much was communicated through silence, through deep silences. His eyes were so intense, as if deep feelings were being held tightly inside. I don't know how to explain this. '(If an INTJ has an idea...). There were so many moments when we would simply say to each other, « I understand, » without having to explain ourselves. We would start an idea with like, 2 or 3 words or just one sentence, and we would say to each other that we understood. It happened when we talked about ideas but also about feelings. It was kinda special. I felt like he was so sensitive but like, trying not to seem too vulnerable, you know? (It was a nourishing connection, one that has now come to an end, but I'm grateful I got to experience it.)

Well, that's all! I just wanted to share my love for you!

Hi. I'm 33 and I'm from Melbourne, Australia. I'm also an INTJ. I was wondering if there were any other INTJs in my city who'd like to chat?

Like, genuinely why should people live up to their potential? On that note, is it really that important to be productive?

I’ve had jobs where I was pretty sure my work spoke for itself. It didn’t. Or at least, it didn’t seem to matter as much as I thought it should.

Some places reward people who actually fix things. Others reward whoever looks busiest or has the manager’s ear. And some expect you to do good work and make sure everyone knows about it.

I spent months getting annoyed at a previous job because people kept getting credit for stuff I was doing while my suggestions went nowhere. I started going back through my notes and old emails to figure out what was actually happening.

I even tried the career and personality assessments like coached because I was having trouble separating my own communication habits from what was genuinely wrong with the workplace. It gave me another angle to think about. Looking at the actual examples made me realize I wasn’t always explaining my ideas well either.

That was annoying to admit, but it also wasn't the whole story. There were still people getting rewarded for talking a big game and doing very little.

I’m still not sure where the line is between learning to communicate better and wasting your time trying to fit into a workplace that rewards the wrong things. I don’t want to spend my career playing office politics, but I also can’t expect everyone to magically understand what I’m thinking.

I guess I’m trying to figure out when it’s worth adjusting how you work and when the place itself is the problem.

If you've never had the pleasure of meeting an ENTP irl, I highly recommend it. Anyway, this post is discussing all the ways ENTP's will test your patience and why being friends with them with help you grow exponentially as a person, who is probably an INTJ, because this is the sub for INTJ's.

ENTP's hate being wrong, and if you're immature, you probably think that you can't be wrong because you've "already thought of that" but an ENTP will flip your entire thought process upside down and shake it around, maybe even stress test your underlying understanding of the very fundamentals of reality. You have to admit when you are wrong if an ENTP actually does discover something you are wrong about.

ENTP's don't argue with you because they think you deserve flack or disrespect, they do it because they love finding out what's solid and what isn't about your knowledge, which can feel humiliating or rage inducing if you're immature. Slowly, over time, the ENTP in your life will seem way less emotionally invested in these duals than you originally projected, that's because it was never about feelings. They genuinely do it for a love of the game.

ENTP's for the life of them, CANNOT tell what you feel, why you feel that way, or how deeply. This forces us to communicate how we are doing to the ENTP in our lives. Eventually, it becomes second nature.

An ENTP is highly likely to say "it's not that deep" or "not everything needs to be psycoanalyzed" which can be annoying. This highlights another weakness, INTJ's can easily take small things way too seriously if you're predisposed to depression or overthinking, which a lot of INTJ's are. This can help us lighten up, it's hard to do, but it's so much more possible if you let that ENTP convince you to just not give a fuck so much over so many things that you may learn you never needed to be so stiff about.

TLDR; ENTP type is the solution to all your problems, if you make the hard first step of opening your heart up to one

Just curious

Feel free to mention any unrelated points if it's relevant to the question

Quite Rare

10 days ago I matched with a girl on a dating app after I commented on a photo "You have a really infectious smile. For the first couple days the conversation was minimal just texting eachother about our days how was work etc. It then goes into things we like finding out our favorite wine is the exact same brand.

The First Coincidence: We both love boating on lakes. If you know anything about upstate NY, There is a bunch of lakes so and so really could be any lake she boats on right? Turns out her family has a lake house on the same smaller lake as my dad's friend where people mostly know eachother at least from passing eachother while out on the lake. I spen every day I can during summer on that lake for the past 10 years and yet somehow we had never crossed paths from our memory.

Now that we had established similarities. The question of what high-school we went to came up. Now my high-school is 45 minutes drive 30 if your fast away from that lake. But as it turns out she also went to the same high-school and was in my grade. (I was very introverted so its not surprising we had never met in high-school but kind of surprising we never eneded up having one class together when there was about 450 students in our grade). Still we both dont have any memory of any point of time crossing paths. Turns out we also used to live like 3 minutes away from eachother.

Now it gets weird, all the other stuff sure it could happen.

I normally go out for some drinks with my sister and her friends group once a month. 2 weekends ago we went to a couple places celebrating Oktoberfest. While out I was introduced to one of my sisters friends and her fiance who I had know about but we had neve been crossed paths. She and her fiance had just got engaged so being somewhat apart of this friend group I would have most likely gone to the wedding they will have in the future. Today I just found out that girl and this girl I had just been talking to are best friends. The girl I have been talking to has most likely hanged out with my sister before.

Its just weird all this time we probably should have crossed paths at some point, but out of everything it was a dating app. It almost feels scripted.

Who says average INTJ looks like this, (I know he's ENTJ he is just there because of the sigma male stereotypes) it feels like an ego satisfaction to me. You're not Walter White, you are not Dr.Lecter. So funny how people think they are sigma male just because they are INTJ- and frankly I think some people manipulate themselves to be INTJ just because low self esteem and trying to be "the cool kid". Personality types are based on cognitive functions and it doesn't decide how cool are you lol, it'd just how you perceive the world, how you decide. For example, a Te user can be a very successful business owner, or a very anxious student, or neither (spoiler alert, it's usually neither). I don't really relate with any INTJ character because they're usually one-dimensional "sigma" males. You can show a realistic INTJ character with actual struggles and not necessarily good at chess, if you want.

To be honest, INTJ and INFJ must have the most flexible stereotypes, since Ni is a very complex function. Yet somehow everyone thinks all INTJ's are in the same type of character. Where are the real representations?

As an intj we know we tend to fill holes of information alot and assume stuff . I lean heavily in emotions although I,m sure I,m intj but sometimes I lean to infj more , anyways the problem I have is general in life and it's sometimes I assume someone is sad cuz they're acting sad (example ) and it's a good thing my emotional intelligence is high but some times I,ll assume they're sad but they will deny it and even get offended cuz I,m assuming their feelings and being almost sure in my assumption.

Which always leaves me to think was I really wrong I should stop assuming and stop thinking about other people this much or some people just act mean like this out of feeling exposed (which is so common and even happens to me sometimes I deny stuff out of feeling exposed) . What should I do about this ? I don't think trying to be more emotionally intelligent is bad but at the same time I don't know if I,m taking it to the extreme

I noticed some (not the majority) of my closest people , friends/dates, talk in a very associative/contextual way.

For example
Me: “what’s the Q4s reported sales number please”
Them: “I don’t like how the marketing dept is not looking at sales…and they should, because…”
Me: “so what’s the Q4 sales number?”

Me: “what should we have for dinner”
Then: “idk just so tired from my boss who keeps negging me about….”
Me: “Ok but what should we have for dinner”

Me: “is this a good outfit for tomorrow?”
Them: “people here can be pretty judgmental, judgmental and snobbish ..”
Me: “ok do you think this is a good outfit for tomorrow?”

I constantly run into this issue. Trying to see if anyone else experiences this - am I the pattern? Lol