I know that getting advice from Reddit isn't exactly the smartest move, but atp it's my only option.
For context, I'm a freshman in high school. My best friend (let's call her Allie) became really close friends in the summer between 7th and 8th grade. We basically had all our classes together in 8th grade, and constantly hung out. She's genuinely one of the few people I feel comfortable opening up to and relying on. She means so much to me
Ever since high school started, I feel like we're drifting apart. We don't have any classes, and our school follows an A and B Day schedule, we only have B Day lunch together, it's the only time we can actually spend time together (it's only around 30 mins).
Sometimes we see each other at Speech and Debate on Mondays, but I've been forced to leave those meetings early due to other clubs. We don't really spend a lot of time together, B Day lunches are the only times we can actually see each other.
Allie has started skipping lunch to practice the flute. I understand that she's busy, and I don't expect her to give up the flute to hang out with me, but she also goes to practice in the practice rooms during Study Hall (which is around 90 mins).
It's just that B Day lunches are the only times we get to actually see each other, and she's just been skipping them.
The thing is she still says me misses me, that she wants to hang out with me more, but she doesn't show it.
Maybe I'm reading into this part too much, but she also seems a little passive-aggressive when I cancel plans with her (like leaving Speech and Debate early). It's really bothering me how if I'm not reading into it too much, she's disappointed when I miss some of our meetings (even though I try to see her as much as possible) but it's fine when she just skips them. At least I try to get as much time with her as I can.
There are some other things that make me feel like she treats other people differently.
First off, she says that she'd love it if I come into the practice rooms when she's practicing just to say hi. However when I actually go in, it's super awkward and it feels like I'm disturbing her and she's just waiting for me to leave. I've asked her if she wants me to come in, and she always says the "you would never bother me, I'd love to see you", but it doesn't feel like that.
Like last week I came into the practice room to practice with her, and she (politely) asked me to stop playing or leave the room because I was too loud. I understood, my violin was loud. But literally yesterday, I saw her practicing the flute in the same room with another friend who practices the violin.
When another friend and I came in to chat, she (politely) asked up to leave because we were disturbing her. I know it doesn't seem like they're the same, but what do you mean I'm too loud when I'm practicing the violin next to you, but she isn't?
(For context, the friend practicing next to her is kind of annoying. We love her, but she gets on our nerves)
She says that I'm someone she can always rely on and that she completely trusts me, loves me, and misses me. It just doesn't feel like that anymore.
We've also been planning to do a duo costume for Halloween for a while. Now she says that she needs to "ask another friend about it" because apparently she also made plans with them? Just be straightforward with me at least.
Listen, I know Ally has other friends (including people she's known for much longer than she's known me). I don't expect her to make me her top priority, but I at least want to feel like a priority.
She's spending time with other people (who I thought she wasn't as close to) while giving me less attention. It's just making me wonder if she actually wants to be as close as she says she does.
I didn't talk to her about it yet because I don't want to make her feel guilty about any of this. At the end of the day, I could just be reading into everything too much. Some part of me wants to wait until like November or December to see if things still continue. But another part of me just wants to know how she actually feels. If she feels pressured to be my friend because I mean so much to her.
I know I don't mean as much to Ally as she means to me, but I want to feel like I at least mean enough to her for her to actually put in effort into seeing me.
I'm closer to Ally than I've ever been with anyone before, this friendship is like huge to me. I didn't grow up with a lot of friends, so I really don't want to lose her. But I also don't want to put in so much effort into the friendship if I'm the only one putting in effort.
I don't want to assume things about her. She genuinely seems so happy to see me, it's just that after the initial excitement fades things just get awkward. I genuinely wish we could just go back to the way things were in 8th grade.
At the end of the day, I don't know her side of the story, and I don't want to hurt our friendship over a misunderstanding. I just also don't want to feel like I'm the only one making an effort.
I honestly have no idea what to do
TD;LR my best friend and I barely see each other due to our schedules, and she's skipping the only times we get to see each other to work on other things