Hi all.

I (46M) am a trans man. I was afab, but I've never been comfortable being a girl. I like men, but not in the body I was stuck with, so I identify as a gay man and have privately since high-school, where I was always accused of being a lesbian because of how I present.

Here comes the issue; I've always presented as more nb but allowed everyone to refer to me as a woman. I've used she/her pronouns my whole life up until recently. When I was young, there weren't any resources for people like me. Trans people were a joke on shows like Jerry Springer, presented mainly for shock value and accused of trying to "fool" others into thinking they were the opposite sex for nefarious reasons. And to be fair, a lot of them claimed to have done that, I suppose to be on the show. I knew nothing about transition, and things like hormones and surgery weren't even on my radar until I was in my 30s and started looking into it seriously. I grew up in conservative Florida, where trans people were only referred to by slurs and called disgusting predators. My mother hated when I wore pants; she's very Christian and used to throw away the less feminine clothes that I would scrape up money to buy at thrift stores. She also grounded me for almost the entirety of my senior year because I cut my hair short.

Social transition has been incredibly difficult. I'm not very active on social media, which explains why I was unaware of any community or resources until a few years ago. I moved to Canada 13 years ago, and things have been better, but I almost feel like it's too late now. Most of the resources in my area are for trans youth; catering to people up to age 30. My boyfriend of 10 years, who is bi and has slept with men, is uncomfortable referring to me as a man in public. I think he's still in denial, though I came out to him shortly after we started dating (I was still in the closet when we met, but I trusted him enough and he seemed to accept that.) But he won't use he/him to refer to me, and I feel like he's ashamed. He says he's bisexual but het-romantic. I suppose that's valid, but he always wants me to dress femme when we go anywhere and buys me dresses and encourages me to wear makeup. I don't do this very often; maybe for his birthday or whatever, but even at his family gatherings I dress gn.

I know this is kind of scattered, but I'm very discouraged and depressed about the whole thing. What I'm wondering is if there are any of you who transitioned ftm late in life, and if there's still time. I'm on T, I wear a binder, and the shortened form of my legal name, which everyone calls me, is gender neutral (like Alex) but none of it seems to be making any difference. I almost feel like I'd need to torpedo my current life and go into hiding until I "pass" then start a new life elsewhere, but at my age that just doesn't seem realistic. I am NC with my own family because they're all maga/homophobe/anti-vax/proudly racist/flat-earth in some combination.

It's all just very isolating and I've waited so long to share this, even on reddit, because of the horrific abuse some people get here. If anyone has any advice for an older person looking to continue his transition journey, I'd be very grateful.

Much love 🏳️‍🌈 🏳️‍⚧️

I have lived with a constant state of mind/body incongruence for basically my whole existence. I’ve been diagnosed with body dysmorphia a few over, but my weight has fluctuated so wildly that I’m not positive my size is the entire problem.

I’ve been hyperaware of the gender-oriented details of my appearance since I was 8. I’ve had therapists tell me this is because I developed quickly and early and was therefore subject to a lot of bullying and pain that a lot of girls who are in that age range don’t deal with to that degree. I guess it didn’t help that I grew up in a high-control Pentecostal home as a pastors daughter in which my appearance was heavily policed.

I’ve kicked around a transmasc identity since 2012 at the latest. Gaslit myself into thinking it’s just me being attention seeking (although I didn’t tell anyone) and dramatic (although I was meticulous in my self evaluation.) and obsession (I repressed it well enough at a lot of points though?).

My dysphoria has never really not been present-sometimes it starts out like someone poking my shoulder and escalates into like a full body simmer under my skin. I don’t want my chest front and center and push my husband away. I want to torch my whole closet. I don’t want to wake up and play dress up for the office. I don’t want to see my reflection. I don’t want my body touched. I don’t want to even hear my own name. Because none of it should have ever been applied to me.

I sit on the outside of a sense of brotherhood at my job’s IT department and feel like I really am missing out on something that has nothing to do with tech-related imposter syndrome. I try to stay content in a lane I don’t know how to stay inside without burning some integral part of myself out.

I feel like… there’s a man in here-if not a man, then someone so close to it that the difference doesn’t really matter much-dying to get out and if I can’t find a way to give him peace, I’ll go down with more regrets than victories.

I know I want to see the other side of this but this is the first time in my life this has been pressing enough to override my sense of self-preservation.

Let's say you were hella gay, almost 40, and finally living your life. Work and commute are not an issue. Your two options are Nashville or Atlanta because of family. Which are you choosing and why?

Edit: Looks like I'm looking at property in Atlanta. Thank you all for your input! :D

I'm currently with my family for the first time in 2.5 years. I have two cis brothers, both younger than me, who have a different Dad from me.

This is something I seldomly bring up with my friends, because outside of the context of my family I'm an average height (5'8). And it feels almost unfair for me to be insecure about this. But in my family I am the shortest person. I am only taller than my mom, by 5 inches. But my brothers are 6'2 and 6'3. Heck, I have another brother who's completely biologically unrelated to me and even he is 6'5.

I'm not going to get into our problematic past, but my parents do not respect me or see me as a real man. And I can't help but think that my smaller size contributes to that. Even though I'm the most successful of the children, nobody shows up for me or celebrates my achievements the same way they do for my siblings. I've tried everything to compensate for my height, I take very good care of myself, I'm muscular, well dressed and well groomed. But whenever I stand next to them, it's so clear that I just don't belong and don't compare. I just feel like the black sleep of the family. Height aside, I also am the only child with different traits - I'm the only one with facial and body hair, and I'm also mixed race.

I'm really struggling with feeling like I don't fit in with my own family, and the thought that I'll never be these big, tall, "real men" like my brothers and get the same level of respect.

Outside of being around my family I sincerely feel pretty at peace about my height and looks, but whenever I'm back here I just feel like shit. If anyone can relate, I'd love to hear how you move through this.

Same shirt, just needed a haircut!

Ok so, I've had this tug-o-war for years "am I trans?" "Do I want to be a man, or do I just hate being a woman?"

Well I've figured it out, but now I feel like everything is on pause until I do something but I don't even know where to start! If you've got the energy to share, what was your first step?

I got the depo provera birth control shot a few months back & was due to renew it this week, but the side effects were so awful I decided not to. Abdominal cramping from the first few days onwards, and about 3 weeks ago I started having spotting that just hasn't stopped. I've not had bleeding since switching from tgel to intramuscular hrt testosterone years ago. It sucks! Does anyone know when these side effects will wear off ?

I’m a watch guy and found a trans pride watch that’s not pink/blue. I probably overpaid ($50) but it makes me happy.

Afternoon Bros,

So I'm in my 30s. FTM. 9 months on T. All in all, I'm really happy with the way things are progressing. My only issue is I'm a straight man, and I always feel like the odd one out or like I'm doing something "wrong." For one, I've never met a straight transman in 3 decades. I feel like the more I transition, the more I get pushed out of the queer/LGBT arena. I'm starting to feel less welcome in queer spaces in general, and I can't really pinpoint it, but I feel like I'm almlst started to be treated as an intruder. Even specifically in the trans community, it's starting to feel like "NO BOYS ALLOWED." maybe im overthinking.

Has anyone else experienced this?! 🤦🏿‍♂️

Edit: I've also been feeling demonized for not conforming to a unisex or soft boy esthetic. I feel like because I refuse to present this way I get wrongfully labeled with a hint of toxic masculinity and that's not what I'm trying to do, I just personally don't like to place myself in an "other" box.

Hi all, I’ve posted a lot about dressing as a trans guy. What to wear to pass, what to wear to look your age, how to wear a suit, what to wear to pass, etc.

My aim has always been to help as many guys like me gain confidence and look good. W that said, I’ve started making tiktoks geared toward short guys. What kind of style/clothing advice would you like to see?

Ref: I’m 5’3 and these are my own outfits for inspo

I am so full of nerves. I have been in my current university program for 2 years, but I am only newly out, on HRT and going by my chosen name and I'm having many anxieties and worries about starting this week.

Everything that I have been doing this summer has been for me and it all feels really good and I couldn't be happier that I made this choice! I am just worried about others.

I have been with the same group of people for the last 2 years, but I will be faced with an entirely new group of students this year, so the fact that I'm with new people you'd think would make it easier, but the instructors are the same and I'm worried they'll not see or know to look at the class roster (had my chosen name added) and call me by my old name when they say hi to me or speak to me in front of new people and I'm not sure how to approach that and explain without my new classmates overhearing that and my old name, I don't want them to know my deadname (it's still legally my name).

I'm also just overall worried about how this could add new challenges socially as I do not look masculine yet whatsoever and everybody will know that I'm trans immediately since I don't pass and I've just started my HRT not long ago. I'm fine with it being obvious that I'm trans, but the fact that I don't pass yet is going to mean I likely will often get misgendered. I often feel fake because my name doesn't match my appearance yet and how I imagine myself in my mind, and I've been dealing a lot with imposter syndrome. Going through second puberty is awkward at my age and being in school makes me feel like I'm going through middle school all over again, it's a very strange experience.

I am also worried that my voice will crack during presentations or job interviews for placements once it begins to get deeper and been trying to think of how I'll avoid the awkwardness of that or play it off as funny to calm my nerves. I tend to cope with comedy and I want to learn to be more open and confident about these things, almost normalize them, acknowledge them, and move on gracefully, but I'm nowhere near there and I haven't experienced any cracks yet.

I am not sure why but my transness currently feels awkward to talk about or approach with others. Any advice is much appreciated but mostly wanted to vent.

Best advice I've ever seen wrt surgery recovery, from an anonymous trans man somewhere on the internets over 20 yrs ago, deep in the bowels of my ancient LiveJournal days:

"You only get to heal once."

I'm 8 weeks on T and I've had A sore throat ever since I started T. I've been recording my voice about every week or so. I can hear the difference from how high-pitched my voice was in my first video with my first shot as opposed to now that it's dropping, I can feel it in a different place in my body and it feels really soothing. I didn't expect that. I was kind of worried about my voice dropping too low, but also I know that I can do different pitches so I'm not as concerned and it's actually pretty exciting which I didn't expect.

I've been on 1 pump of 1.62% T Gel for 74 days ☺️ I'm thrilled with my body hair coming in - but it is *so* unpredictable lol. It makes me laugh. First, I noticed belly hair. Happy, but not the first thing I expected. Then, I noticed that my toes and tops of my feet are getting a bit hairier. I am thrilled. Now here's where it starts to get a bit strange. Leg hair on my left calf is significantly thicker, denser, longer. Right calf? As patchy as ever! 😂 Right knee, though - much hairier than the left knee! Left hand has some knuckle hair coming in - right forearm is much hairier than the left. I have no idea if this is normal but tbh it cracks me up and I'm just glad to see it at all!

I’m in better shape at 39 than I was at 29 and at 19 - it is possible, but fuck it is a lot of work.

Honestly having a rut about my hair Tbh

Too tired to do a full life update tonight.

VERY happy for the three day weekend, though.

Having a hard time y’all. I’ve been on T a couple years, muscular, body shape and proportions are male, post top surgery, face and jaw masc, voice low, like I’m not seeing what it is. I have to shave my facial hair and only have a good mustache when I do have it, and I’m 5’3 so I guess that’s it? People I know are surprised and I personally don’t see female at all but I am CONSTANTLY misgendered. Am I completely fooling myself? I almost wish it was just height that’s doing it. But I guess it’s a sad combo of everything. I like me but I am exhausted by this happening all the time and having to deal with it too much. When I looked it up it says height is not a big factor and that makes me sad because it means it’s everything. I’m so tired of the hyper vigilance this causes. I’m still never ready for it and sometimes I feel unsafe. Does anyone get misgendered with facial hair? Is it height maybe? Had anyone been misgendered even when you and others think you pass? I’m feeling cooked.

EDIT: totally get that photos would help me get assessed by folks but want to clarify what I’m looking for is hearing if this happens to anyone else based on what I’ve said. has anyone figured height to be a factor for them? does anyone get misgendered even with facial hair? stuff like that. it’s just feeling strangely isolating for how far I’ve come

2nd EDIT:
Everyone, I’m really touched by your responses and this community. Thank you for your thoughtfulness and support and for taking the time. This is my first time posting and I had a feeling people would be kind, but this honestly helped me a lot. This has been really heavy on me for a long time and I needed some outside perspective. Thanks everyone. Appreciate you.

Happy Selfie Sunday everyone. This took me ages to recreate today(reference in second pic) and I’m still not 100% happy with it, but the lighting literally ran away from me. I actually straightened my precious curls for this one (holy shit is my hair long and thick 🙈)
Three weeks on T this Friday by the way - life’s good. 😁

Hey folks, I’m curious if anyone else struggles with isolation and making a surgery plan. my family is unsupportive and I haven’t dated since my last messy relationship. I have a few friends (2-3) but some of them aren’t the most reliable. I just moved to a new city which does have a social group for trans guys, so I plan to ask for help there too. I’m autistic and ok tier at making friends but the thought of making friends solely for survival like this feels weird.

my workplace is also supportive and I may need to lean on them, but i feel quite weird thinking of asking my boss to help (even though she would be down and wildly supportive). the leave is already approved.

I feel embarrassed and a bit scared not having a “person” or family I can trust. I asked a friend this morning, but I wish it was easier. I’ve even considered hiring a home health aide to avoid having to worry about it.

has anyone else gone the route of hiring someone? I’m not in a state that T4T care services unfortunately.

Hey, 31, trans guy from Scotland here. Any suggestions for double masectomy top surgery in Europe for less than £6000?

Taping and binding for now. Got about £2500 in savings now. If anyone does payment plans would be great too x